Eavan
The town is beautiful, built on the ruins of the Roman establishments. I love sitting on the stone wall around the Cathedral.
It’s warm today. Five pigeons gathered a few steps away from me coo and rustle their wings as I sip my coffee. I’m working at the cafe on my right from 4pm to 8 pm and I have just finished my shift. The facade of the historic hotel next to the cafe buries me in the shade as I drop onto the stone wall and people saunter behind me, their conversations droning on.
I take my phone out of the back pocket of my jeans and call Ruby. “I will be late, honey. I’m going for a long walk around the Cathedral.”
“Sure,” she says. “See you later.”
“See you.”
I’m a bit surprised that she didn’t tell me not go for a walk. It’s dark and we always remind each other not to wander outside of the house so late. She must be busy. I noticed some time ago that she’s different. Like she’s been mentally drifting further and further away from me. Like she doesn’t need me any longer.
I raise myself, dispose of the paper cup into the bin and circle around the cathedral yard, admiring the gothic features of the building rising towards the sky. The Cathedral looks like it’s moving, lacy details bring astonishment to my mind then sadness sips into every cell of my body, invades my mind like a cold devastation. I’m so fed up with my life, with the lack of control over it, with the lack of freedom. It’s the life of a machine-wake up, go to work, smile. Don’t crave more.
A wave of nausea courses through my stomach and I retch. Fuck. I’m going to throw up in the middle of the town. I cover my mouth with my hand and turn into a narrow passage between the Cathedral and a high stone wall. There is a lot of privacy here so I bend and empty my stomach between two cars parked along the pavement.
Very fucking elegant.
My stomach twists and I throw up again, acid burning my throat and a sour taste lingering on my tongue.
“Much better,” I mutter to myself and straighten, tears welling up in my eyes.
A thought crosses my mind for the tenth time in this week. I should tell Ruby. And I should tell Jack.
I’m nine weeks pregnant, unsure of which is more inside me-happiness or dread. Jack will be furious. I know this, for certain.
The hum of car engines muffles my thoughts as my feet shuffle along the asphalt pavement. I catch a bus and go to my house which perches on the hill on the outskirts of the town. It’s quiet as I enter it. Almost too quiet like some unearthly threat is hanging in the air.
I climb the stairs, the pink carpet absorbing the sound of my footsteps, and go towards Ruby’s bedroom. I need to talk about my baby, about Seafra. About all my shitty life.
A delicate sound like a cat’s meowing comes to my ears from Ruby’s bedroom. My heart skips a beat. She hasn’t cried for a while. In fact, she hasn’t cried since she turned eighteen. I thought she’d recovered for good. Another desperate sigh reaches my ears, followed by a bang.
I pull the door handle and stride into the bedroom. My eyes travel to the double bed, locking on Ruby. And on the man who’s lying on top of her.
Heat rushes up my chest. My heart stops beating. I feel dizzy.
They’re naked. They’re fucking. Fucking hell. They. Are. Fucking.
Well, now, they’re staring at me, their bodies covered in droplets of sweat, the smell of sex all-pervasive, dense, dirty. Taboo.
“Eavan,” Ruby shrieks as she easies her weight onto her elbows and her thighs jerk up.
“Get off my sister,” I say through gritted teeth. “Now.”
Jack pulls himself up as my eyes flick over his hard cock; it’s shiny, covered in my sister’s arousal. Ruby hitches up the duvet and hides under it as Jack slips into his jeans.
“We need to talk,” he says, moving closer to me.
Rage fills my veins and I push at his hairy chest. “She’s my sister, you fucking sick—“
He grabs my wrist and shoves me outside of the bedroom. “Don’t make her upset.”
We stand opposite each other in the corridor.
“She’s eighteen,” I yell.
“Shut up,” he growls. “Go downstairs if you want to yell.”
He shoves my arm and I tumble towards the stairs.
“I’ll fucking kill you, Jack.” Tears blind me as my feet entangle and I almost fall down the stairs.
Jack hooks the back of my neck and grips my arm, saving my life. “Careful, sweetheart.”
“Fuck off.” I free myself from him and cross the living room, hands waving furiously.
Something violent wells up in my chest and a wail escapes my mouth. Jack wraps his arm around my back and pulls me to him. We enter the kitchen and I shake in his arms.
“What does that mean?” I squeak, pulling away. “What did you do? Why did you do that to her?”
Jack encloses me with his arms and I cry hysterically, moistening his chest with my tears.
“It means that you’re on your own from now on,” he says gently.
“No.”
He didn’t just say that. It can’t happen. It was never the plan.
“We are going to leave in a couple of days,” Jack says.
“No.”
There is something surreal about our conversation like my brain is unable to process the discovery of Jack and Ruby’s affair, his words, his goals, my sister’s goals. It’s like I’m in a dream.
“I don’t understand,” I say as dread bites every cell of my body.
It’s like something is coming to me, getting closer and closer, powerful and devastating like a tsunami. Unavoidable.
“I love her,” Jack says.
“No.”
“She loves me.”
“She’s only eighteen. She... Jack, she was just a kid. How could you?”
“I didn’t touch her until she turned eighteen. I’m not a pervert. You’ve always been only a kid to me, Eavan. Ruby was only a kid to me until she turned eighteen; I promise. You two have always annoyed me, you know that. Ruby tried, but I didn’t let her. Not until she was an adult.” He runs his fingers through his hair. “And it kind of started only a few days before her eighteenth birthday.”
“Very fucking honourable. She was a virgin.” My voice rises with every word. “Did you know that?”
“Eavan, I’m a grown up man. Really. I talk to Ruby about everything. And for your information, I knew.”
I grab my head in both my hands. “It wasn’t for you, Jack. It was for a nice guy of her age, not for you.”
“I love her, Eavan. She loves me. This was for us whether you like it or not.”
“No.” It comes out of my mouth as a whisper.
“Yes. I. Love. Your. Sister.”
Something crumbles inside me. “I can see but you’re not allowed to do such things. Jack, this is... This means you will be—“
“It just happened, Eavan. I didn’t plan that. She looked at me, kissed my lips and I was mush waiting for her to turn eighteen.” Jack pulls away from me and cups my face in both his hands. “I’m taking her very far from here.”
“Where?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“But your job, your life. Jack, it means...”
“Fuck my job. I want a little house in the woods and I want my girl sitting in the rocking chair on the veranda. We want two kids, you know. A future together. A normal life.”
I can hear Ruby walking into the kitchen. She slithers into Jack’s embrace and clings to him, her face glowing like that of an angel sculpture from the Cathedral.
“He’s too old, Ruby,” I say with sarcasm.
“I’m happy, Eavan,” Ruby says. “I’m very happy. You should find your happiness too. Jack will take care of me, you know that.”
“I know,” I shriek. “I fucking know that.”
Surprisingly, I’m not mad with them. Rudy’s bright smile and the fire in her eyes cause warmth to fill my chest. She is happy. Healed. Jack has healed her. I’m stunned, furious, but at the same time relieved.
Jack shoots his arm towards me and pulls me to him. He’s holding Ruby and me in his embrace as his lips touch the top of my head.
It feels safe as always when Jack is close to us. He is our citadel, our shelter, our hope. A soothing voice for me when I wake up at night, screaming, when Ruby’s wails, blood and agony torment me in my memories of that fatal night four years ago, when I need somebody to listen to me or just hug me. Jack is always for me with his matter-of-fact tone, strict rules, and pure warmth pervading his gaze when he’s thinking Ruby and I aren’t looking at him.
All the emotions tumble inside me, boil, and bubble. Then I’m numb like a black blanket is covering my mind. Like a hammer has banged against my brain.