“You know it’s my birthday in a few weeks, right?” Brie informed me as she idly flipped through the pages of a magazine she’d brought around with her.

“Yep,” I said, popping the p. How could I possibly forget? Brie lived for her birthday. Even before one was over, you could almost guarantee she’d be plotting the next. “So, did your dad finally agree to the party?”

Brie rolled her eyes. “Of course he did. He even secured the country house in Sands.”

“Shut up!” I blurted. “That’s amazing.”

Sands was a small village just west of Winslow with stunning views and gorgeous lakes. It really was beautiful. I knew Brie had had her eye on it for a while. She’d carried the brochure in her bag for weeks. When Brie’s grades had taken a shocking turn, her dad had pretty much told her that if she didn’t buck up her ideas, she wouldn’t be having a party this year. I wasn’t sure how true that was. Brie was spoiled. She fluttered her lashes and that was all it usually took to get her whatever she wanted.

“But really? Did you actually think he wouldn’t?” I grinned.

“No, I knew he would. He just took his sweet damn time about it. I knew he’d cave eventually.” She shrugged.

“Are you hiring someone to organise it? You know, I could always help. It’s not as though I have a whole lot going on right now.”

That was more than true. Since the whole mess with Taylor, I had tried to occupy myself. Coursework had become my main focus, but even my workload hadn’t been enough to stop me from thinking about him. When that had failed, I signed up to a few after school clubs in the hopes it would keep me busy. That didn’t work, either. Luckily for me, I managed to avoid Taylor around college. Of course, I wasn’t so lucky when it came to Melanie. She’d made it her mission to make me miserable, but I did well not to show it. I think that annoyed her more than my existence did.

“No, it’s fine,” Brie said, waving my offer aside. “Remember Fiona?” she asked. When it didn’t register, she continued. “The planner I was telling you about?”

I nodded.

“She’s going to arrange everything. Cake, decorations, live bands, the whole shebang!”

Wow. That seemed like a lot of work.

“It takes the stress off of me so I can concentrate on finding the perfect dress,” she added, and I giggled.

Of course. The dress. How could I forget?

“So hey, I wasn’t sure how to bring this up, and trust me, I hate that I’m having to do this after everything that has happened, but…” She paused, her lips set firmly in a thin, straight line.

“What?” I asked. “What is it?”

“It’s Riley.”

A sigh of relief washed over me for a moment. “Right. What about him? I thought you guys had worked things out?”

“No, we have. We’re fine. And he’s trying so damn hard to win me back. See, that’s the point.”

“What is?” I was confused as to where this was going.

“He’s worried it’ll be just him and a bunch of girls. Like he’d mind that.” She rolled her eyes.

“That’s silly. The rest of the guys are coming, right?”

“Yeah. I mean, yes, of course, but I’ve…”

“You’ve…? What the hell, Brie? Spit it out.”

“I’ve told him Taylor can come,” Brie spewed and blew out a breath. I wondered how long she’d been keeping that in. She looked almost relieved once she’d said it.

“Oh,” I said. What was I meant to say to that? Was I okay with it? No. But this wasn’t about me.

“I’m sorry, Lo. I know how crappy things are right now and he’s probably the last person you want to be around, but—”

I waved her off. “It’s fine. I’ll be fine, honestly.”

I wouldn’t be fine. I’d be far from fine, but I could deal with Taylor for one night, if not for my own sanity then for Brie’s. She had already suffered enough because of me. I wasn’t going to let my feelings for Taylor ruin her birthday.

“You mean it?” she asked. I could see the hope in her eyes but I also could tell she was unsure how I’d react.

“Of course. Besides, the place is huge. I’m sure I can avoid him easily enough.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Okay, good. Now that’s out of the way, I need your help.” Brie pulled out two three-inch thick magazines from her oversized bag and opened them both up. A small pink post-it note marked a page, and she opened it up to reveal what she wanted to show me. “Silver or black? I can’t decide. I love the neckline on the silver one, but the black one is hot. Riley will flip if he sees me in that.”

I had to agree with her. The black dress would look gorgeous on her. “Definitely this one.”

“Yay!” She clapped. “I was really hoping you’d say that because I’ve already ordered it.”

My friend was officially bonkers.

“Now, we need to find you something.” She grinned wickedly.

I rolled my eyes, knowing what was coming. I also knew there was no point arguing with her. Besides, if I had to tolerate Taylor for an entire evening then I would at least look hot doing it.

When I stepped through the cast iron doors to the country house, I felt like I was walking onto a movie set. Small, round tables were placed on either side of the room, surrounding the dance floor in a sort of semi-circle. White linen cloths were neatly positioned on each table and a grey lacy runner ran through the centre of each. On top of the runners, small fishbowl style vases sat in the middle, housing bright white orchids with lilac gems scattered at the bottom. Jugs of iced water had been placed either side of the vases, with fresh lemon scores poking out from the tops. Six chairs surrounded each table, covered in the same linen as the cloths, and a grey ribbon was tied into a pretty bow around the back of each.

Wow. If this was Brie’s twentieth birthday party, I couldn’t wait to see what her twenty-first would look like. Now I truly understood why she’d hired Fiona. She’d done a remarkable job.

I held my breath as I took in every detail from the twinkling white fairy lights that lit up the whole ceiling to the glass chandelier that hung proudly in the centre. A small stage sat at the far end of the room with a mirrored wall that reflected the whole scene around me. The DJ booth was situated in the far right hand corner, already pumping out music from the speakers that sat on either side of it.

I waved to the few people I knew from class and made my way over to the bar that stood off to my right. Brie hadn’t arrived yet, so I had plenty of time to gather my composure and force something that resembled a smile onto my face. Funnily enough, it wasn’t hard. The place was beyond beautiful, almost magical in the sense that it made me feel like a princess, or like I was at an American prom. Just without the date or the corsage.

I pushed that thought aside.

I wouldn’t allow myself to go there. Not tonight. For a few hours, I would hold my head up high, fake a smile and make nice with the people who usually wouldn’t give me the time of day.

Brie was my best friend. I had sat back and listened for hours on end as she’d planned her special night. I’d chucked in my thoughts and passed on my ideas whenever she’d asked for them. I’d even allowed her to pick out a dress for me to wear. This was meant to be a good night. I was meant to throw myself around the dance floor without a care in the world and drink until the night ended. But I’d never felt more out of place. Not even on my first day at college after the accident. The alcohol helped some, but even that seemed to fade away, bringing me back down to Earth with a shattering thud.

Taylor had arrived a little over half an hour ago with Melanie clinging to his side like the cat that got the cream. She may as well have pissed on Taylor’s leg. That would have been a far more amusing way to mark her territory. Instead, though, I had to stand back and watch painfully as she gazed up at him. She didn’t even try to hide the snide looks she tossed my way. It was clear what she was doing from the moment they walked in together. She was claiming him as hers. I tried not to let how much she was getting to me show, and whenever I felt as though it was getting too much, I asked myself one question: what would Brie do in my situation? Once I realised what that was, I quickly went back to wallowing in the corner by myself. Fighting wasn’t my thing, no matter how much I would have enjoyed destroying her pretty little face. Telling myself that she wasn’t worth it was easy. Acting on it was a lot harder, especially when she pulled him onto the dance floor and started re-enacting a sexy movie scene on him.

It was clear that Taylor—and every other male in the room—was enjoying the show. When his hands gripped her arse and pulled her close, he started to grind against her. I prayed I wouldn’t hurl on the spot. Something in me just couldn’t understand how he could be so disrespectful towards me. Then again, this was Taylor Fuckin’ Lawson. He didn’t care about anyone.

“How are you holding up?” Brie asked as she came up beside me and looked out onto the dance floor. More unimportantly, at the spectacle the two of them were making out there.

I made a face and Brie laughed. “I had no idea she was coming. Honestly? I can’t believe he had the cheek to bring her.” She shook her head, clearly unhappy.

“It’s fine. If anything, it’s made me realise what a bastard he is.” I grinned.

“Well, that’s a good thing, I guess. Anyway, what happened to Darren? I saw him trying to haul your arse out there. What happened?”

Darren had asked me to dance on more than one occasion, but I refused. He was a nice guy but I wasn’t ready to give them something else to gossip about, even if it was just an innocent dance or two.

I shrugged. “I didn’t feel like it, that’s all. But I’m okay,” I quickly added, sensing she didn’t believe me. Brie and I continued to torture ourselves further until I realised who was missing. “Where’s Riley?” I frowned.

“Umm… I don’t know.” She shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal.

“Brie?”

“Okay. He’s waiting outside for me. He said he has something for me.”

“So, what are you waiting for? Go get it.” I nudged her and shook my head.

“Yes, ma’am.” She saluted and went to leave. “Lola?”

“Brie?”

“For what it’s worth, you look really beautiful tonight.”

I looked down at my navy dress and smiled. “Thanks, B.” My cheeks warmed at the compliment, but as much as it was nice to hear, I couldn’t help but wish that Taylor had been the one to say it.

I managed to avoid being within touching distance of Melanie and Taylor for most of the night, but when I turned to place my empty bottle on the table beside me, they were both suddenly right there. I thought about leaving, but I knew that was likely what they wanted me to do and I was far too drunk to care.

“I’m just going to the ladies. Don’t go anywhere,” I heard Mel say, and I turned just in time to see her tongue slip into his mouth. Judging by the look she gave him, I knew it was just a taster of what was to come.

Gross.

I hated him. I hated his smarmy face and everything about him.

Taylor eyed me from over the pint of beer that hovered at his lips. “What?”

“Why are you such an idiot?”

“Why are you surprised?” he countered.

“Believe me, I’m not.”

Taylor shook his head and turned his attention away from me. He stared out into the crowd of bodies gyrating on the dance floor. I sensed that he knew I was watching him. I could see it in his eyes, although he wasn’t looking at me. I knew he could feel the death glare I was burning into the side of his head. “If you have a problem with me being here with Mel then maybe you should leave,” he eventually said.

I scoffed. Was he fucking serious?

“I was wrong,” I admitted quietly. “I’m the idiot, not you. I’m an idiot for spending so much time on someone who clearly never gave a toss about me to begin with. So I’m sorry, I take it back. I’m the biggest fool of all.”

“If you say so,” he replied, his bored tone one I wasn’t used to. I really wanted to punch him in the face.

What had happened to him? This wasn’t the Taylor I’d spent my days with. The one who made me laugh when I didn’t think I could ever laugh again. The one who brought me cough syrup when I was ill in bed. The one who taught me that fear wasn’t real. That it was a choice. Whoever this was, it wasn’t him.

I glanced at Taylor from the corner of my eyes and shook my head. I wouldn’t let him see me cry. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing how much it hurt being so close to him, yet knowing I could never have him. How it felt when he held me in his arms after gifting me with the best damn orgasm of my life. No, he didn’t deserve any of me, especially my tears.

I pushed my way through the crowd towards the bar. The dress that Brie had picked out for me was so tight I could barely move it in. Each time I felt like I was getting closer to my goal, I had to stop to lift my dress up enough to move my legs a few inches. When I finally reached the bar, I took a seat on one of the stools to give my feet a rest and ordered another beer. I didn’t even like beer. Beer reminded me of Taylor, and anything that reminded me of him was never good. But it was a free bar—the perks of being Brie’s best friend—and mixing my drinks was never a good idea, so I thanked the waiter when he slid the bottle across to me and took a long gulp. I cringed as the cool liquid hit the back of my throat, and I shivered. Maybe drinking in general wasn’t such a good idea. My head was already fuzzy and I could barely walk as it was, thanks to the dress. But I told myself I would try to have a good time for Brie’s sake, and I couldn’t do that without a drink. Not while Taylor was there. Drink eased the pain enough that I didn’t worry too much about his presence, but it wasn’t enough to stop me from making a fool of myself.

After I’d convinced myself that this would definitely be my last one, two hands came from behind me and planted down on the bar either side of me. I breathed in, and as I did, I stiffened. What was he doing?

“I know you were watching me earlier, dancing with Mel. How did it make you feel seeing me with my hands all over her? Hers on me. Touching me… Does it make you want to hate me?”

My eyes closed involuntary and I swallowed down. He had seen me. Great. Now he probably thought I was a stalker as well as pathetic.

Way to go, Lola. Good job.

“You hate me,” he continued to goad. “Good. Now hold on to that feeling.”

When he moved his hands, a small sob tore from my lips, but I forced back the tears that threatened to fall. “Hating you would be easy,” I whispered. “But when I see the two of you together, I want to die. I don’t hate you, Taylor. That would be too easy for both of us… and you don’t deserve to get off that lightly.”

I could still feel Taylor near me, but he never said a word. Good. He had said enough already and I wasn’t sure how long I could hold back.