Lola was there. I wasn’t dreaming or reminiscing about past times; she was really there. There was no denying that Lola was beautiful, but right then, in that moment, she couldn’t have looked more stunning, even if she was scared and unsure. That need to take her in my arms and protect her from harm had returned. Often, I’d found myself thinking about this moment, but I’d never envisioned it going this way. Not under these circumstances. Our meeting would be special, with no barriers to shield us from taking whatever it was that we wanted. We would finally be free to be together. No secrets. No one else. Just us. Yet, there she was, giving me an ultimatum I couldn’t possibly pass up.

It was my thoughts of her that had gotten me through those last few months. Her smile, her laughter, and the shyness she carried with her whenever we were close. Whether she knew it or not, she was my lifeline. The one thing that kept me going through every blow and downfall I’d suffered. It was only ever going to be us.

“How do we move on? You’ve seen my life,” I said, gesturing behind me. “It’s bad enough that you’re here witnessing glimpses of it.”

“It won’t always be this way. I can help you. Please, let me help you?”

I scrubbed my face in my hands and let out a groan. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. I was meant to help Mum get her life back on track before I even contemplated having Lola back in my life. Lola had been through so much over the years. There was a time when I wanted to make everything right in her life. To show her she was brave and beautiful, and could conquer anything. Now here I was, about to drag her into a life I’d never wanted for her. My lifestyle had changed over the months. Looking like I belonged in the depths of Hell was something I needed to do in order to survive. There was, however, one thing that hadn’t changed during our time apart, and that was my selfishness when it came to Lola.

Walking away from her that night hadn’t been easy. There had been times over the past few months when I would’ve done anything to have her back in my life, to hold her in my arms and breathe in the warmth and comfort she always seemed to give me. I wanted to feel her skin against mine as she came apart beneath me. It was torture being away from her for so long, but there was no way I could walk away this time. I needed her too much.

“Taylor, I can’t promise you it’s going to be easy. It’s not. It’s going to be hard, and at times you’ll want to give in. But I can promise you that I’ll be by your side every step of the way. You won’t have to go through this alone. Not anymore. Jake and I, we both want to help you. We love you. I love you.”

My face turned to hers instantly, unsure I’d heard her right.

Cupping her chin, I forced her eyes on mine. “Wait. You love me?”

Lola blinked and nodded. “I do.”

“Fuck.” She loves me.

Lola loved me, even after everything I’d put her through. There was no way in Hell I could walk away from her once I knew that.

My next move was easy.

I brought my thumb to Lola’s mouth and brushed it across her lips before lowering my mouth to hers. The words I spoke after that first kiss were effortless.

“I love you. So fucking much.”

Lola had come to find me when I needed her the most. Even without realising it, I had needed her. She’d become the light in my darkness, and without her, I was nothing. That darkness had become a permanent fixture in my life in recent months, and I hadn’t seen a way out of it. Lola taught me that life didn’t have to be that way. There was hope at the end of the nightmare. I just had to want to see it enough and fight even harder for it.

It hadn’t been easy, though. Packing my mum off to a specialist unit broke me. When I left that place after dropping her off and signing the necessary forms to keep her there, I crumbled to the ground like a lost boy. I wasn’t even embarrassed that Lola witnessed everything. She’d been there the whole time, seeing me at my most vulnerable. She didn’t look down on me in pity. She didn’t look at me as though I was a worthless piece of shit. She should have because I wasn’t good for her. I was the worst kind of person when it came to Lola, but she loved me anyway. She saw something in me that made her stay and fight for us when all I wanted to do was give up and end the pain.

I’d stayed with her for a few days. It helped that her parents had been away on business because we were able to spend the days making up for the time we’d spent apart. When I held her in my arms, I couldn’t help but beat myself up over how much I’d missed her. I didn’t do relationships and if you would’ve asked me a year ago if I’d be there, chasing a girl around like a lost puppy because it killed me to be away from her, I would’ve laughed in your face. I knew from the very first moment I laid eyes on her that she was different. She had been just as lost as I was back then. Pretending to be something she wasn’t because she felt that was what was expected of her. But I knew different. She was special just as she was. She didn’t need to pretend to be anyone else around me. She didn’t even need to try at all because loving Lola was by far the easiest yet the most rewarding thing in my world.

It had been hard leaving her in bed that particular morning. So much had changed in her life and I didn’t want to miss another second of it. But, I had other responsibilities that I couldn’t turn my back on, so when Jake called and asked me to meet him, I knew something must have been wrong. I also knew there was no way I could turn my back on him because he’d always been that one constant in my life. That one person I could rely on. If he needed me then I’d be there.

After promising Lola I would be back later that afternoon, I went to meet Jake at the field. It felt weird being back there after so long away, and if I was being honest, I’d missed it like crazy. That buzz I felt as soon as my foot touched the pitch for the first time was still very much alive, goading me, begging me to come back.

“You miss it, don’t you? The excitement… That thrill you get the second your foot touches the ball?”

“There’s nothing else like it,” I replied honestly. It was my heart. Home, even.

Jake nodded in recognition and dipped his head, his eyes to his hands as he fiddled with a coin held between his fingers. I could see that something was going on with him. Again, I felt bad because I hadn’t been around much lately. Jake spoke to me about everything. He knew he could trust me, and knowing that made me feel a sense of comfort. I guess I wasn’t such a bad guy, after all, I thought to myself.

“What’s up, man. You’ve been fiddling with that coin for the past twenty minutes. I know you didn’t just bring me here to sit in silence, so what is it? What’s going on with you?”

“A while back we were out here training. You were riled up over Lola and I was ripping you apart.”

I cocked my head, wondering where this was headed. “Yeah, I remember.”

“I told you I was sick of it all. The one nighters, the nameless faces that meant fuck all… I wanted more than that.”

“It’s called growing up, Jake. There’s nothing wrong with wanting more for yourself. You’re a good kid. You deserve everything and more.”

“That’s just it,” he said, cursing under his breath before his eyes eventually met mine again. “I think I’ve found it. That something more.”

I widened my eyes in shock. “You’ve met someone? That’s great, man, but why beat yourself up over it?” I asked, even though it was fairly obvious. I’d felt the same way about Lola. I couldn’t get her out of my head and when I did, I missed her. She consumed every part of me and I’d worked myself up over it more times than I cared to remember. I wasted time when it could have been spent differently.

“This girl? She’s different. Misunderstood. But I swear, Tay, there’s so much more to her than what people see. She’s had a rough time of it and she’s made a tonne of mistakes that haunt her every day, but she’s a good girl. She just needs someone by her side to make her see that.”

“She sounds like someone else I know.” I smirked, which caused Jake to grin back at me. “Look, I get it. I do. She needs someone, and you want to be that person but you’re worried how everyone else will react?”

“Exactly,” he agreed, nodding.

“So, I say fuck ‘em. Fuck what everyone else thinks and do what you have to do. If she makes you happy then don’t waste a second fretting over the silly stuff. Trust me, I’ve been there.”

Jake nudged my arm. “Thanks, cuz. I’ve been working myself up over this whole thing for months. I swear, I was ten seconds away from losing my shit.”

“Don’t worry. We’ve all been there.” I chuckled. “So…who is she?”

“Melanie,” he deadpanned.