Winter by Michelle Love (14)

Why’d he do that?

Something slams outside my room and I sit up. Marcos is gone and I’m here alone. I jump up and run to open the bedroom door.

It might be Max!

As I throw the door open a fuzzy flash comes at me. I don’t have my contacts on yet and someone is grabbing me by my throat. I choke as I’m pushed back onto the bed. The blur sits on top of me, holding my flailing arms down. A woman’s voice says, “You bitch, you fucked it all up for me and now Max is marrying someone else. You should’ve stayed out of his life. You’ve made my life Hell and now I’ll make sure to repay the favor.”

I blink as I try hard to see who’s doing this. Then she leans in as I find I can struggle no more with no air coming into my lungs. I can see her.

It’s Ashley Sinclair!

Max

The time has come to stop this charade which is surely causing my love so much pain. Lexi never called, so I know she’s hurting and this scam of Kate’s didn’t work. I found Kate and got my cell phone back. She apologized for her plan not working and told me I should give it a few days, but I can’t do that.

I call her number, and it’s ringing. And now it’s going to voice mail, so she isn’t going to answer me. Okay then I guess I’ll leave her a text, telling her it’s not true and then call her in a little while. Maybe she’ll call me then.

A man can hope!

Alexis

I open my eyes and find I’m handcuffed to a small bed. The room is dark, but I can make out the red light of a cigarette. It smells awful and a grey swirl of smoke encircles the head of someone with blonde hair as the small amount of light reflects on the platinum shade of it. I try to speak, but find it hard as my throat hurts so much. I swallow hard and manage to whisper, “Why are you doing this to me?”

Her laugh is low, and it sounds more like a growl. “Miss Mathews, you should know why. You ruined my life. I told you I’d get you and you wouldn’t know when or where.”

The crazy woman still holds a grudge. “Ashley, I don’t have him either, so why do this?”

“I would’ve had him securely in my possession if you hadn’t shown up in that park that day. And you could’ve left him alone. You did see he was with a woman after all.”

“He loves me,” I say then remember he’s marrying Kate. “Well, he did love me, but I messed that all up. Believe me, I’m being punished enough.”

“I’ll decide when that’s happened, Miss Mathews.” She takes another puff and the red light brightens.

“You shouldn’t smoke, it can kill you,” I say.

“I’m not worried about that, nor should you be,” she says and takes another hit. “That isn’t how you’ll die, don’t worry. I’m trying to figure out just how I’ll make that happen. I just about choked you to death, but changed my mind in the last moment and decided that would be too easy.”

“Let me guess,” I say. “You want to see me suffer.”

“That I do,” she says and stands up, moving closer to me. “So you hate cigarettes?”

“Don’t even think about it, Ashley,” I say as I try my best to remain calm. “You’re not a bad person, I know you aren’t. Think about things before you hurt me, please think about things.”

She pauses and laughs like a maniac. “Think? That’s all I’ve done is think. I thought about you and my Max fucking the nights away. I’ve thought about you and my Max laughing together about me and how you both made such a fool of me.”

“We never did that. I swear it to you, Ashley.”

I hear a knocking sound and Ashley turns and runs from the room. I see light as she runs out the door and think I may be in some type of hotel suite. Maybe if she leaves I can make a lot of noise and someone will come see what it’s about.

Max

I cannot believe Lexi has not even bothered to text me back. I’m sure she’s pissed at what we did, but come on. At least a text telling me to go fuck myself or something is in order!

It’s nearly nine at night and Kate and I are going over to the apartment to tell her how sorry we are and let her know we only did it so she’d see how much I really mean to her. At least I know Marcos will let us in.

I punch in the gate code and we park. Kate looks up at me as we walk up to the door. “I’m so sorry, Max. This woman is much more stubborn than any I’ve ever known.”

“Kate, maybe you need to know a little about Lexi’s past to understand her better. You see, when she was a young teenager, a bunch of girls got her to go with them to a park. She was hoping they wanted to be friends with her as she had none. Instead, they led her down by a river and beat her, leaving her for dead.”

Kate’s hands fly over her mouth and she pales. “Oh, my!”

I nod. “To make things worse, they pulled all her clothes off except her underwear and when she made it out of there alive they said she went down the river bank with some boys they’d never seen around before and they must’ve done that to her. They accused her of being a slut which she was nothing of the sort. Nothing was ever done to the girls and Lexi got a nasty reputation.”

Kate’s eyes shine with tears. “I should’ve never handled this the way I have.”

I pull her into a hug. “It’s my fault. You didn’t know.”

“How horrible I feel, Max.” she says as she cries. “I hope she can forgive the foolish girl I am.”

I let her go and ring the doorbell. Both cars are here, hers and Marcos’s so I know they’re home. I ring it again and Marcos answers the door. He’s a little inebriated as he stumbles back and gestures for us to come in. “Well, if it isn’t the happy new couple.”

Kate bursts into sobs. “I’m so sorry this was all my idea. Max only went along because I told him it would get Lexi to come to her senses.”

“Well, guess what?” he asks then plops onto the sofa. “She’s run off. Imagine that, Max. You’ve run her off again.”

“Her car’s here, so tell me how she’s run off, Marcos?” I say as I make my way back to her bedroom, sure the two of them came up with a plan to hurt me right back.

I throw open the door and she isn’t there. I make my way to Marcos’s bedroom and throw that door open too. She’s not in either room so I check both bathrooms and make sure she isn’t hiding in the dark on the patio. It did take him a while to open the door after all.

I stride back into the living room where Kate still cries and Marcos looks quite odd as he’s wearing a T-shirt and blue jeans and running shoes. His hair is wind-blown and his cheeks are pink. “You need to tell me where she is, Marcos.”

He looks up at me. “Believe me, if I knew I would. I’ve walked all over this complex to see where she might be. I mean she ran off with nothing. Not a damn thing. Her contacts and glasses are even here. How can she leave without those?”

I shake my head. Then go back into her bedroom and look over the whole thing. Her purse, her keys, everything is still here. My eyes scan the floor and I find something is missing. I run back into the living room. “Do either of you remember the rug that was on the wood floor in her bedroom?” They both nod. “It’s gone.”

Marcos blinks. “Why in the Hell would she only take the damn rug? This doesn’t make any sense at all.”

“Marcos, I think we should call the police,” I say.

Kate runs to me and I hug her. “We’ll find her, angel.”

“I’m so sorry,” she says. Her tiny body shakes as I hold her and she cries. “We will find her, won’t we, Max?”

I nod, but fear fills me.

Who would want to take her?

Alexis

Time passes and I have no idea how long I’ve been in here. Ashley looks in on me every so often. Once she said, “You’re not dead yet?”

I guess she thinks she’ll starve me to death or I’ll die from dehydration, because she hasn’t brought me a thing. She did put a bucket by the bed for me to use the restroom in and added a small chain so I can just reach it.

I wonder if anyone has figured out that I haven’t run off this time. If they have, I wonder how long it took them before they came to that conclusion. My idiot ways may prove to be my demise.

Max is probably married by now. Probably went to Vegas and has Kate knocked up already. Marcos is so self-absorbed, it’s doubtful that he thinks much about my absence. Probably thinks I’m upset.

But my car is there and all my things are there, so with a bit of checking things out, he should come to the conclusion I’m missing, not gone on my own. For the love of Benji, even my contacts and glasses will still be sat on the table next to my bed!

Unless Ashley made it look like I left!

I have no idea of what she did once I passed out. She could’ve staged the whole thing like I left on my own. She may be clever enough to have done that. Then no one will ever come looking for me. I wonder if Marcos told Max. If he did I wonder if Max even cares. I’ve made very bad decisions. When I do make the right one to get some help to unscrew my screwed up brain, this happens and makes it all a little too late.

That’s the story of my life. Poor Alex, always a day late on everything. When those girls in high school asked me to go with them to the park, my first instinct was they were up to no good. I even hesitated before I agreed. My instincts grew as we got closer to the park and the girls began to get quiet. As we went down the river bank they were so quiet I had to look back to see if they were even still with me. I had a bad feeling then and should’ve run.

I remember thinking I should just run. Something wasn’t right, I could feel it, but I was one second too late on that idea and the hitting began before I made that decision which would’ve saved me from what they did.

The door opens and Ashley walks in. “Ashley, please,” I whisper as I have no strength to speak any louder than that. “I’ll never tell a soul, I swear, just let me go.”

“It’s been five days,” she says. “How are you still alive? Most people die after three days with no water.”

“Please, Ashley, let me go. I promise I’ll say I went away on my own. I do that from time to time, everyone will believe me.”

“Maybe this bit of news will send you out of this world,” she says as she leans over me. “Maybe if you knew that Max got married to that little French slut yesterday, maybe that would make you forget about living anymore. You’ll never have him now. He doesn’t believe in divorce.”

Tears spring up and flow over my cheeks. I try not to sob, I don’t wish to give her any satisfaction, but it comes out of me anyway. The thought he’ll never be mine fills me with a hopelessness I’ve never felt. She’s right, I don’t see why I need to hang on. I’ll be alone the rest of my life if I live. Who wants that?

Max told me the same thing that he doesn’t believe in divorce and once he’s married that’s it. He’s married Kate and now I’m utterly alone in this world.

Ashley leaves me again and I know I have no reason to hold onto this life. I’ve held on five days with no food or water with the constant thought of maybe if I went to Max before he married Kate and kissed him, he’d change his mind and marry me instead.

He’s married and life as I’ve come to know it is over! Completely over!

Max

The waiting is killing me. The police found surveillance footage from the parking lot cameras, showing Ashley pulling a rolled up carpet out to a car. She had a Hell of a time shoving it into the backseat before she closed the door and drove off. They’re pretty sure that Lexi was rolled up in it.

An officer told us the chances Lexi’s alive are slim. The car was rented under another name and no one seems to know where Ashley is. Lexi’s parents and even Logan have come to Houston to join the search for her.

Though numb in places, I’m in so much physical pain. It feels at times like I’m having a heart attack and yesterday I was taken to the emergency room where they said I had a sever anxiety attack and gave me some pills to chill me out.

I’m a zombie who still feels a lot of pain. I’ve paid for ads all over the local channels and have billboards with her picture on them and offered a two million dollar reward for her recovery, dead or alive. We all want to know, even if it’s the worst news possible.

Logan, and Lexi’s three older brothers, Josh, Luke, and Ryan as well as her parents, Matilda and John are staying here at my mansion. They protested, but I told them I’d have it no other way. When we find her, I want her to see just how people love her.

Just like when I was lost in the ocean, I cling to hope. It’s been seven days and the police are telling us this is the last day they’ll search. It’ll be up to us after that if we wish to continue, which we damn sure will. I’ll never stop looking for her and that fucking bitch, Ashley.

That’s the other woman whose face is plastered on billboards right next to Lexi’s. Another two million dollar reward I’ve set up for her, dead or alive. I’d prefer dead to be perfectly honest. I’m afraid I’ll kill her myself if she’s found otherwise.

My angel, Kate, has her parents here as well. They’re also worried sick. I got Hilda to hire however much extra help she needed to take care of the cooking and cleaning for this bunch.

Something has to happen. Ashley can’t hide forever.

The police think it could be a murder suicide and we may never find either one of them. I hope like Hell they’re wrong.

A knock comes at my bedroom door. It’s late and I wonder who it is, everyone went to bed hours ago. “Who is it?”

“Kate, can I come in?”

“Yeah,” I say and pull the blanket up to cover my bare chest.

“Max,” she says as she comes in and stands by my bed. “I had a dream and Lexi was in it. I think she’s still alive, but I don’t know how much longer she can hang on. I saw things, but the scene was too dark to see much. There was a door with light coming through it, and a silver chain holds her to a small bed.”

“That’s nice to hear, but I don’t think it’s enough to find her, angel.”

“No, no, Max, there’s more which I think may help,” she says as she sits on the bed. “Is there a place where two lion statues sit on a patio made of stone on either side of a large, glass door?”

My brain isn’t working to full capacity with the anti-anxiety meds and I find myself struggling to think of such a place. “I’m not remembering any place like that.”

“I think it’s in this town, this Houston,” she says. “Try to think hard, Max.”

“Perhaps I should sleep off this pill I took earlier so I could stop being so anxious. Maybe then I can think better.” I give her a smile.

“Okay, Max,” she gets up and walks to the door. “Time is limited, so try to clear your brain before it’s too late.”

I watch her leave and already her words haunt me. I let weakness get in my way of thinking clearly. I’ll take no more pills to stop myself from being anxious. I will be strong and in control. If she’s found after it’s too late and I could’ve found her, but didn’t because I took pills to handle the pressure instead of manning up and handling what I should’ve, well, I don’t know what I’ll do.

Alexis

My eyes open as I wake from the sweetest dream. Max and I were holding hands as we laid on lounge chairs by his swimming pool. Three children played in the water. Two boys and a girl. Light shimmered over the water and their laughter filled the air.

I’m crying because it’s all a dream. It can never come true. I don’t have the strength to even lift my body from the bed. I haven’t used the bathroom in forever so I know my body is shutting down.

Somehow I’m not afraid. Maybe because I don’t have the strength, or maybe because the pain of this life is nearly over. The pain of abuse, the pain of feeling so much for another person it hurts to think of losing them. The pain of the memories that never go away. It’s all going to slip away as I do.

My mother keeps flowing in and out of my head. She’s crying and telling me to hang on, they’re coming. I know they aren’t, so it doesn’t really give me any hope. I bet they think I’ve run off and think I’ll call or show up soon.

Surprise, I’m not.

A knocking sound comes from behind the door. It’s far away though. Muffled shouts ring out. Some man’s voice is yelling Ashley’s name over and over as the pounding at the door continues.

A loud bang makes me jump! I’m surprised I could even do that anymore.

What the Hell was that?

I hear banging and loud voices.

The sound of something cracking and then the voices are all shouting my name. I try to say anything at all, but I’m just too weak. There’s no spit left to swallow to clear my dry throat. I close my eyes and shout in my head that I am here.

The sweetest voice in the world flows over my ears. “She’s behind this bookcase,” a light, sweet French voice says.

Kate!

They’ve found me, but my love is married to her now, and I’ll be all alone in this horrible world. Lord, if you’re going to take me do it now, please before I see his face again and my heart breaks even more than it already has.

I’ve not the strength to keep my eyes open, yet a white light begins to glow and I feel light as a feather as it grows larger. Then a flash of white hot pain runs through me and it all goes black.Max

The sun shines in my window, waking me from one of the best dreams I’ve ever had. Lexi and I were by the swimming pool, watching our three kids swim. I will find her and make that come true!

I jump from the bed, completely clear headed and with a place in mind where she might be. The fastest shower in history I take, then I send a text to everyone here to get ready, we’re going to leave ASAP to find Lexi. The police won’t be searching anymore so we’re on our own.

An older hotel downtown has two lion statues by the door and I bet we’ll find Ashley there. My hunch is she has Lexi with her. My phone dings and I see Kate has sent me a message. ‘221’ is all it says and I shrug and pull my T-shirt on. It’s the last article of clothing I need so I head out the door.

Marcos, I text last and tell him to meet us at the hotel. I stop by the room I keep the guns in and grab one for each of the men. I doubt one woman like Ashley needs that many to take her down, but I’ll be damned if there’s a man left holding nothing if she aims one at him. With a black bag full of hand guns and ammo, I head to the kitchen to find Hilda. She’s busy making breakfast.

“You may as well stop that, Hilda,” I say. “I need you to come with us. I want you to stay in the car with Lexi’s mother and Kate and her mom while I take the men into a hotel to look for Lexi.”

“What’s in the bag, Mijo?” Hilda asks.

“I’m not going to tell you, because if we have to use what’s in here, we’ll be called vigilantes and I want all the woman completely ignorant of what’s in this bag.”

She winks and smiles, “K, boss!” She pulls her apron off and follows me.

Lexi’s father and brothers along with Logan meet me at the door. “What’s this about, Max?” her father, John, asks.

“Kate came to me last night, she had a dream about where Lexi may be. The young thing has a gift as I told you all before when I told you the story of how she found me in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico. I trust her and so should all of you.”

Lexi’s mother and Kate and her parents come in and her mother, Matilda, asks, “Do you really think this is it?”

I nod and open the door. Load up and follow me. “Kate, will you please ride with me, we should talk before we go storming the place?”

She nods and we all walk out to our cars. I say over my shoulder, “I want no one to go inside until I give each one of the men something. If we have to do anything illegal, I want the woman to have no part in it.” I turn to look at Hilda and toss her a set of keys to my suburban. “You take the Mom’s with you, please. I’ll send Kate to you before we go in. And stay in the car, don’t get out until I send someone to get you.”

She catches the keys and nods. “This way ladies.”

Our convoy leaves the driveway and I feel amazingly calm, yet completely aware. I look at Kate as we pull out of the gate. “This number you sent me, what do you think it means?”

“Maybe the room number,” she shakes her head. “I can’t be sure, but it’s there over and over, like it means something.”

“Okay, so maybe I ask the desk clerk who’s in that room.” I say, then shake my head. “They can’t tell me.”

“Perhaps I can, after all I look so innocent and am a foreigner. I find many people tell me more than they would others,” she says, and she has a point.

“I’d rather you not be involved, Kate,” I say as I glance at her. She’s so small and fragile, like a China doll.

“I can help. More than anyone else, you should know that, my prince,” she says, reminding me of what she called me when she found me floating in the ocean, before she knew my name.

I can’t help grabbing her hand and kissing it. “My little angel. I must put my trust in you. Okay, you’ll find out the name in your most excellent of ways then come tell me and I’ll see if I think it might be an alias Ashley would use.”

With a plan set, I find myself focused and ready to find my love. I see Marcos as we pull into the side parking garage. I didn’t want to use the valet service and hope that Kate can gain entrance undetected.

She makes her way towards the front door and I see her pause as she looks at the lion statues and nods her adorable little blonde head. I smile instantly as I know this is it.

“Okay, men,” I say as they crowd around my car. I open the black bag. “Take one each, make sure you put a clip in it and shove it in the back of your jeans and pull your shirt out to cover it. As soon as Kate lets me know the name of who’s in room number 221 we may be on our way to it to find our Lexi, or Alex, or Alexis whatever each of you call her.”

Marcos takes the first one and I find myself surprised. “Marcos, do you know how to shoot a gun?”

He smiles. “I grew up in Houston, bro!”

“Okay, ‘nough said,” I say and run my eyes up and down his jeans and T-shirt ensemble which is so unlike the model he is. “You okay, man? You haven’t been keeping up the normal appearance.”

“Hell no, I’m not okay, Max,” he says in a high voice. “My roomie and best friend is missing. I’m a wreck, dude! I haven’t been able to sleep, eat or do my work outs without bursting into tears. This shit is killing me!”

I see Logan look away. “How about you, Logan?” I ask. “How are you holding up?”

He clears his throat. “Best I can, I guess. I just need to see her, no matter what, you know?”

The glisten in his eyes tells me so much about what she meant to him. Her brother, Josh, gives him a slug in the arm. “We’ll find her alive, Logan. No worries, man.”

Lexi’s brother, Ryan, the one she told me she was the closest in age to and the closest to, says, “Alex is alive, I guarantee it. I’d feel it if she were gone. When we were young after her incident with those horrible bitches… we realized we had a special connection. About the same time they were beating her, chills ran through me and I stopped playing the basketball game I was playing at school.” He stops and laughs. “I got hit in the head with the ball and coach took me out. I walked away even though he was yelling at me to sit back down. I ended up running from the school, straight home.”

Josh takes over the story. “I remember that! You came in screaming for Alex and Mom told you she hadn’t come home. You yelled for me and Luke to come with you.”

Luke steps forward. “Yeah, and we did, and you ran straight for that park. My, God! When we saw her.” He pauses as tears fill his eyes. “My baby sister, all covered in mud and only in her…”

All three brothers look at each other and say at the same time, “Big, white panties.” They all chuckle, slightly.

Josh says, “We tried so hard to make her feel better, to laugh. I took my shirt off and put it on her, and Luke grabbed her up, Mr. Muscles he is. He carried her home and she couldn’t speak. She was so far away it seemed no words could get to her.”

I take in a deep breath as I listen to her brothers describe the aftermath of her horror. Soft footsteps come up behind me and I turn to see my angel. “The name of the woman in room 221 is Mrs. Randy Lawton.”

I have to lean on my car as I hear my real name.

How did Ashley know that?

“It’s her, it’s Ashley.” I say and have to fight to keep my mind right and my heart beating at the right speed. My love is up there and I have to save her. “Let’s roll, men.”

“I’m coming too,” Kate says as she follows me.

Her father and I both say, “No!”

We all halt the procession and look at the tiny, young woman. She smiles. “I will go with you or sneak up later, but I will go.”

I frown. “You stay behind me at all times. Never do I want to see you, do you understand me, Kate? You stay hidden behind me.”

“Wee, wee, I do, my prince,” she says and grabs hold of one of my belt loops. “I am your shadow.”

I look at her father and he shrugs and says something in French to which Kate replies, “That is so right, Papa. What Kate wants, Kate gets.”

Marcos smiles. “Hey, me too!”

Kate looks back at the men. “This hotel is old. There are no security cameras. A few fake ones, but no real ones. I placed a rag I found between one of the outside doors so we could gain access without being seen. Follow us.”

I look back at her and smile. “A bright one you are.”

“That I am, and I will prove more useful, just you wait.”

We make our way through the side door and take the stairs up to the second floor. Room 221 is at the end and we move in. I knock hard and yell, “Ashley, let me in!”

I hear shuffling and everyone starts yelling her name as we all bang on the door and the walls. A gunshot rings out from inside and we all stop and look at each other. In an instant we all step back as Luke, who’s a massive man, takes a few steps back then runs at the door. The wood frame splinters and with one more hit it opens.

Ashley is on the floor, her body half way behind the sofa. I walk over to find she’s shot herself in the head. Averting my eyes I yell, “Lexi!”

We all yell out for her over and over, but there’s no response. I fear we’ll find her dead and have to push that away so I can keep thinking straight. Kate picks up a set of small keys off a bookcase and says, “She’s behind this bookcase.”

Luke has it moved before we know it and there’s a door. “Let me,” I say and grab the knob. As I twist it in my hand, I pray that she’s alive.

Light from this room fills the small room and I see her lying still on a small bed.

She’s not moving!

Alexis

The sound of a steady beep wakes me from the soundest sleep I’ve ever had. I try to take a breath and find it hard. I feel something in my mouth and try to touch it, but my hands are held by something. I try to open my eyes and it takes every ounce of energy I have to accomplish such a small feat.

“Get the nurse! She’s waking up!”

It’s Max!

A dark blur leans over me and he laughs. “Hey there, sleepy head,” he says softly. “You be still and the nurse will be here in a minute to get all this stuff off you. You’ve been asleep for a few days, princess.”

A few days! What’s happened to me?

My mind is in a fog and then I remember.

Ashley!

Max strokes my cheek. “I’ve missed you so much, Lexi.”

Wait! Isn’t he married to Kate?

His warm lips touch my forehead and warmth flows through me. He moves away. “I’ll be right here, princess. Don’t worry.”

A white blur moves over me. “Let us get this respirator off you, Miss Mathews.”

The thing in my mouth is pulled and I start to gag as she pulls it out.

Jeez! Did that thing go to my toes or what!

The top of the bed moves up after she takes the thing out and she places my glasses on my face and I see a room full of people. My parents and brothers, Marcos with his arm around Kate and her parents and Logan. Then my eyes fall on Max and I find I’m crying.

My mother rushes forward and embraces me. “Oh, my baby. I’ve been so worried.” She kisses my cheek then moves back to let my dad hug me, then the procession of hugs from each one in the room begins.

Max is the only one left and tears fall down his cheeks. He’s shaking as he moves towards me. His arms wrap around me and it is like fireworks are going off in my chest. The beeping sound increases in speed and I realize it’s my heart beating on some machine. Everyone in the room laughs and Mom says, “I guess she likes him a little bit.”

“I love you,” Max whispers in my ear.

I swallow hard and find my throat hurts really badly. I lick my lips and whisper, “I love you too.”

He seems like he never wants to let me go and I wish he didn’t have to, but I hear a door open and a man says, “So, my patient has finally decided to wake up?”

Max reluctantly lets me go and as he pulls away from me I see the tears are still flowing down his devastatingly handsome face. My eyes run to his left hand and I see no wedding ring.

Maybe he isn’t married!

I look at Kate’s left hand, and no ring is on it either. Also, there’s the fact Marcos is wrapped around her like a blanket.

What’s happened?

The man who came in must be my doctor, he holds the door open as he says, “Okay, I must examine Miss Mathews now, so you all will have to wait out in the waiting room.”

They all wave as they file out, Max is last, and he looks back at me. “I’ll be right out here, princess.”

I nod and try to smile. But my lips are so chapped it hurts to move them. The doctor and nurse hover over me. The nurse smiles. “You’re one very lucky young woman, Lexi. Most people can’t live eight days with no water or food.”

“Wow,” I say. “I’m stronger than I thought.”

The doctor chuckles. “You certainly are strong. Now, let’s get you all better and you’ll be physically strong before you know it.”

“I hope so,” I say. “I feel as weak as a kitten.”

The nurse puts a bag of some clear liquid up on an IV stand. “It’s going to take some time to get you back on your feet, but we will, don’t you worry about that. You sure do have a lot of people who care about you.”

“I do, don’t I? I didn’t realize that before.”

The nurse gives me a wink. “That man of yours is some hot number isn’t he?”

“He’s not mine,” I say. “He married someone else.”

She shakes her head. “I don’t know why you’d think that. He’s not, and he’s never left your side since he came with you in the ambulance. He’s the most devoted man I’ve ever seen.”

“That Ashley woman told me he’d married. Is she in jail?” I ask.

The doctor and nurse look at each other, then the doctor says, “She committed suicide when your family found her.”

“So she’s dead?” I ask and find myself filled with relief and sadness at the same time. “I’m sorry it ended that way. She was a tortured soul and I hope she’s found peace now.”

“You’re a very forgiving person, Lexi,” the nurse says. “I wouldn’t wish her anything good if she did to me what she did to you.”

“To hold hate in your heart is to let her win. I’m winning this battle, not her,” I say.

They both smile at me and I feel better knowing I’m a fighter, not a quitter.

Max

Birds chirp merrily as I make my way down the hallway to our bedroom. Lexi’s been home for two weeks after her two week stay in the hospital. She’s getting a little stronger each day. Today I’m taking her for a swim to help strengthen her arms and legs.

The nurse should have her up and dressed by now. I knock on the bedroom door. “Are you decent yet?” I ask.

“As decent as I get,” Lexi answers.

I open the door and find her wearing shorts and a T-shirt. “No bathing suit?” I ask.

She shakes her head and her long ponytail whips through the air. “I’m far too skinny to be seen in that just yet.”

Her body had withered away to almost nothing. She weighed a daunting seventy-five pounds when we found her. Her cheeks are sunken in as well as most every part of her body.

Hilda is taking great pride in finding the absolute best foods to feed her so she can regain her weight. She’s put on fifteen pounds so far and I can see the difference.

I help her off the bed and into the wheelchair. We took a bedroom on the bottom floor until she can make it up the stairs, which will be awhile. I kiss the top of her head and push her out to the pool. “It’s gorgeous outside today, my love.”

She reaches up and rubs the back of my hand. “Every day is gorgeous when I’m with you, babe.”

I stop at the edge of the pool and pick her up. Her body is light in my arms as I walk into the pool with her. Her sparling blue eyes look into mine and I see what was always missing in hers. She’s allowed herself to stop being afraid of what we have. She cherishes me as I do her and she’s finally living in the moment. I guess that’s what nearly dying does to some people.

“How long will it take before I’m back to my normal self?” she asks.

“Not much longer, love. Now let those long ass legs of yours float out in front of you and I’ll hold you while you kick them and make them as shapely as they used to be.”

She does and although they move slowly, they do move and she sighs. “This is so much easier than the physical therapist’s exercises. That man is a demon straight from Hades.”

“He’s great at what he does, Lexi.”

She turns around in my arms and presses her breasts to my chest. Then pulls her body against mine. We’ve not made love since she left me. I’ve kissed her only a few times as I don’t want her to over exert herself. Her eyes are looking hungrily at my lips and I know how she’s feeling.

“I feel so much stronger in the water, Max,” she says as she wraps her legs around me and her arms around my neck.

I smile and place my lips on hers, gently. Her hands tangle up in my hair as the tip of her tongue touches my lips, wanting to come in and play. I open my mouth and she swirls her tongue with mine.

It’s been so long since I’ve held her this way or kissed her like this and I grow hot and swell against her. I pull my lips away and say, “Princess, you’re making me crazy.”

“I want you,” she says. “Please, Max, I can do this in the water. I feel strong enough.”

“I don’t know, Lexi.” I say. She pulls my mouth to hers again and I know that I have to give her what she wants.

Alexis

Cool water flows around me, making me feel my old self again. Max holds me in his arms as his tongue rolls over mine. I unwrap my legs from around his waist and drop my shorts, then push at his trunks to release his beast. He moans as I rub up against him, then wrap my legs back around him.

My hip bones press into him as I wiggle a little and his long, hard cock pushes into me. My lips leave his as I take him in and sigh deeply with feeling him like this again. “My God, I’ve missed you, Max.”

His hot mouth bites at my neck and he groans as he moves himself in and nearly all the way out of me in long strokes. I run my hands over his muscled back and revel in the sensation it gives me.

I put my mouth on his neck and bite then press my lips to kiss his warm flesh. Moving my arms from around his neck, I lay back into the water, floating. He pulls my body back and forth through the water, stroking his hard dick as he glides one finger back and forth over my clit.

I feel as if we’re making love on a cloud, it’s so surreal. “Take your shirt off,” he says.

I pull the T-shirt off. I’ve been so self-conscious about my body since I lost so much weight, but being with him like this makes me feel sexy and beautiful. One of his hands runs over my stomach and up to one of my breasts. It flows over it and he messages it then pinches my nipple slightly. I arch up and he grabs my bottom in the other hand.

A sudden ache begins deep inside me and I’m building up. He strokes faster and I can feel him harden even more. “Oh, Lexi, I need you to come with me, baby.”

I watch him as he looks down, watching his dick slide in and out of me. He’s completely beautiful, and he’s mine. He stiffens and heat flows into me as he pulses inside me, making me orgasm and draw all that he has to offer out of him. He pulls me up and wraps me in his strong arms. His words hot on my ear, he whispers, “I love you, princess.”

“I love you too, Max.”

The click clack of shoes on the cement make me open my eyes and look over his shoulder. Hilda walks out the door and shields her eyes from the sun. “Max,” she calls out.

“Oh my God!” I say and Max moves us to the side of the pool so hopefully she won’t realize we’re naked. He hides me behind him.

“Hilda!” he says, with a high pitch to his normally deep voice. “What’s up?”

She stops a little ways from us and I notice her eyes are looking past us at something. I look back to see my shirt and shorts floating and a short ways from them is Max’s board shorts.

Busted!

“Oh!” she says. “I’m, uh, I’m, uh sorry I guess.”

Max asks, “What, Hilda?”

“Oh, you have a visitor. It’s a woman, and she said she has to see you. I haven’t let her in the gate yet as I’ve never heard you mention her. She said when I told you her name you’d know her.”

“What is it?” he asks, clearly irritated.

“Sissy Lawton,” she says and Max’s body tenses all over.

“My mother,” he says under his breath. “Let her in.”

Hilda walks away as he moves around gathering our clothes. He isn’t talking at all. I know he never wanted to see her again. “Max, are you okay?”

He shakes his head. “Here let me put these on for you.” He pulls my shorts on and my wet shirt over my head then puts his on. He carries me to my wheelchair and in silence he takes me to our bedroom.

“Max, you seemed shocked.”

“I know where this will lead and it won’t be good, Lexi.”

My heart breaks for him and I can’t help feeling things are about to change. Maybe our life together will never be roses and rainbows.

Part 7 Secrets of Romance

Max

Shadows fall around my mother’s face as she’s brought into my office. I sit behind my large mahogany desk, hoping to start things off with her with me having the upper hand. She looks nothing like I remember, and is thin, much too thin. Her face is deeply wrinkled and her pores are large. She must’ve had acne at some point as pits are all over it. Her hair is thin and white, her hands are shaking and she twitches. “Randy, is that you?”

I flinch as she says my real name. “My name is Max now, but you know that. How did you find me?”

There are two, high backed, leather chairs in front of my desk and she sits in the one on the left. “I was contacted by a woman named Ashley Sinclair. She said I should come and see you.”

That fucking bitch! I hope she rots in Hell!

“She’s dead,” I say and lean back in my chair. “And she was wrong to tell you to come and see me.”

“Oh?” she asks and wrings her hands in her lap. “So you’re mad at me for sending you away?”

“That was the best decision you ever made,” I say and lean up, placing my chin on top of my clasped hands. “Thank you for doing that.”

“Randy, I didn’t mean to give you up. They were going to send you to foster care if I didn’t do something else with you. It wasn’t my choice to give you away.”

I nod. “Okay, I see. It was better for me anyway, no matter how it happened.”

She twists oddly in the chair and I see the veins on the inside of her arms are swollen and large. She pulls a pack of cigarettes from inside her shirt and waves her hand like she’s trying to swat a fly. “Gotta light, son?”

I shake my head. “No, and there’s no smoking in my home, ever and not anywhere on my property. You’ll have to leave if you want to smoke.”

She smashes the thing back into the pack and shoves it back into her shirt. “You went and got all high and mighty, I see. Too good for me, huh?”

I nod. “You hit the nail on the head, Sissy.”

“Sissy?” she asks as she twists her head sideways. “I’m no longer Mom to you?”

“You haven’t ever really been a mother.”

“I admit I have my problems, son, but I am your mother and always will be no matter if you accept it or not.” In a quick motion, she stands and paces like a lion in a cage. “I’ll just spit this out and let you deal with it. I need a place to live. I’ve been homeless for a year and was living out of my car. The blasted thing caught on fire several days ago and now I have nowhere to live and nothing to my name.”

“That’s not my problem,” I say and nearly shudder as it horrifies me how cold I’m being. This isn’t me, yet she’s making me feel like someone I’m not. “Stay where you’ve been staying since it burnt.”

“I was at a homeless shelter and I got raped.” She sits and runs her hands over her skinny legs.

“Really?” I ask because I can’t believe she can say such a thing with no emotion behind it.

“Yep, it’s the truth and I’m not going through that again. I’ve been raped about twenty times in my life and I’d say if I had a safe place to live that wouldn’t happen no more. You must have at least one spare bedroom in this big place.”

I don’t even want her to sleep in a tent on the lawn. “I’ll have to think about this, and I have a girlfriend to discuss it with as well. She’s been through a lot and I’m not sure she’d be able to handle you here.”

“You ain’t married?” she asks and stands up again, this time she goes and looks out the window. It overlooks the waterfall of the pool. “You’re filthy rich, but haven’t found someone to marry yet?”

“I’m going to marry this woman. She’s very weak right now, but once she’s better we’ll get married and start a family.”

She turns abruptly. “I’d love to get to spoil my grandkids, Randy. If you let me stay, I can help with ‘em.”

The idea of her around my children is horrifying. “That’s probably a bad idea, Sissy.”

In slow motion, she begins to fall to the floor. Seemingly melting into it. Lying out on it, she starts to cry. It’s a weak and pitiful sound. Though I stay in my chair, it’s taking everything in me not to go grab her up and make her stop.

I look away as she continues, she murmurs, “I may as well kill myself.”

My hand forms a fist and I slam it on my desk. “God dammit, woman, what do you expect from me!”

She continues to lay on the floor and whimper like a beaten dog. “Nothing, I guess. This world isn’t for me. I’ll leave.”

I wait for her to get up and do what she said, but she lies there and sniffles and makes me feel like an ass. “Get up, you can stay tonight and we’ll see what happens.”

With a miraculous recovery, she springs up and wipes her eyes. I don’t see any tears, but she wipes at her eyes like there were some. “I’ll help out around here, Randy. I can cook and clean.”

I hold up my hand. “I have an excellent chef and staff to keep this place looking like it does. I will not be employing you. So you said all your things burned so I assume you only have what you’re wearing.”

She nods and keeps on wiping at her eyes which have no tears and are not red rimmed from any crying. “It’d be real nice if you maybe could get me a few things from the Goodwill store.”

I roll my eyes. “I can do better than that. Come with me. I’ll show you to a room you can sleep in tonight and I’ll grab a dress and some undergarments from Hilda. She’s my chef, and she runs this place. Don’t ever talk down to her.”

“I’d never talk down to anyone, Randy.” As I walk past her, she grabs hold of my arm and walks next to me. “I don’t have a snotty bone in my body, son. I’ll show you, I’ll fit right in and I won’t give you no reason to throw me out, I promise.”

Pain stabs at my heart at how I’m reacting to her. “We’ll see.”

Alexis

I wait for Max to come to the bedroom and get me. He told me to wait here, he’d decide if he would let me meet his mother or not. He’s acting so odd. His face is almost void of expression and he’s distant. Not at all like himself.

The door opens and in he comes. Straight to me he almost runs and wraps his arms around me, burying his face in my neck. “I told her she could stay the night, but I didn’t want to.”

I push him back to look at him. “Is it that horrible, Max?”

He nods and his face goes back to being buried in my neck. “She brings out this awful person in me.”

I laugh. “You have nothing bad in you. You’re practically a saint!”

He kisses my neck and trails more of them up until his lips land on mine. Finally he stops and leans his forehead on mine. “Promise me you’ll help me not to lose who I’ve become.”

“Max, you’re being silly,” I say as I run my hands over his dark waves. “Take me to meet her, please.”

“She’s shocking to look at,” he says as he picks me up and carries me to my wheelchair. “A total drug addict look to her. She fidgets oddly and I don’t remember this woman. My mother had soft blonde hair and dark blue eyes. Her hair and eye color have faded to almost nothing.”

“I’m sure she isn’t that bad.” I say as he pushes me in my wheelchair to the door. “You were a little boy, your memory of her is probably more than a little off.”

“You’ll see, Lexi.” He says and out of the room we go and into a small sitting room. “I’m going to get Hilda to bring in something to eat and drink. I need a stiff drink, but I can’t do that in front of Sissy.”

“Nonsense,” I say. “Max, be yourself, baby. Do as you would whether she’s here or not.”

“Lexi, I don’t even feel like myself. It’s crazy.”

How bad can she really be?Max

Hilda hands me a shot of something and instructs me to drink it. “It’ll calm your nerves, Mijo. I swear I’ve never seen you like this. This woman can no longer hurt you, remember that.”

I nod and find myself holding out the shot glass for a refill. “Uno mass.”

Hilda squints her eyes at me and refills the little glass. “Okay, that’s it. Now go get your mother and take her to meet Lexi. I’ll bring in a tray of snacks.”

Making my way to where I left my mother with a change of clothes, I try to think about how I would treat anyone else with the same problems she has. I think I’d be a lot more compassionate. People have all kinds of demons, and for most of them, I’d think I’d have some understanding, but where Sissy Lawton is concerned I have no compassion.

Why is that?

I knock on the bedroom door and she opens it right up. As if she was standing right by it, waiting for me to come get her. Just like I used to wait for her to come home when I was little. She’d leave me home alone for hours, even overnight at times with no food in the house, and sometimes not even light as the electricity was shut off quite regularly.

“Oh, I knew you’d come get me, son,” she says with a giggle.

She grabs my arm and walks with me to the small living area I left Lexi in. “My girlfriend’s in a wheelchair and is quite skinny from an ordeal she was in. I’d thank you not to say anything about it.”

“Oh, then I won’t.” she says as she squeezes my arm. “This girl’s gonna be my daughter-in-law someday. I’d never want to hurt her feelings. What happened to her?”

“That Ashley woman who told you to come see me kidnapped her and nearly starved her to death. We found her in the nick of time, but she’s suffered from what the damn woman did to her.”

She stops and looks up at me. “You told me she was dead. Did you kill her for what she did to your girlfriend?”

“I probably would have, but no, she killed herself once she knew she was caught,” I say and start walking again.

As we enter the room, Lexi smiles and stands up. I move quickly to her. “You shouldn’t get up until I’m close enough to catch you if you fall.”

She waves her hand at me. “Oh, poopy smoopy, I’m fine! This beautiful lady must be Sissy.”

“Me, beautiful?” my mother says. “Look at you, well you’re gorgeous, dear.”

Lexi grabs my mother up and hugs her. “It’s so nice to meet you,” Lexi says then lets her go and sits back down.

I can tell from the sweat which sprung up on Lexi’s forehead that it was hard for her to stand up on her own, but she’s stubborn and does things too quickly. I gesture for my mother to sit and I pick Lexi up and carry her to sit next to me on the small sofa.

“How gallant you are, Randy.”

Lexi smiles. “He is, isn’t he?” She runs her hand over my cheek and I smile back at her.

I take her hand and leave a kiss on it then hold our clasped hands on my leg. “So, here we are,” I say, then ask my mother what I’ve wanted to for ages. “Tell me, do I have any brothers or sisters?”

Sissy looks away and blinks rapidly. “I got pregnant from being raped twice and I had abortions both times.”

“How awful,” Lexi gasps.

I, on the other hand, notice that Sissy didn’t look at all upset the way someone who just said what she did should. “So no then. Well, that’s all I really wanted to know.”

Lexi leans up against me, making me look at her. Her eyes tell me to be nice. “So, Sissy, where have you been living?” she asks.

“California,” she says and I find I’m skeptical again.

“How’d you make it all the way to Texas?” I ask.

“The bus,” she says and I see her fiddling with her shirt and the package of cigarettes comes out. She pulls one from the pack and puts it in her mouth.

“Don’t you remember what I said about no smoking?” I ask.

“I’m not, I’m just putting it in my mouth,” she says then stands up and walks around, looking at every little thing in the room. “Where’d you get all this stuff? I never seen so much stuff.”

“Your son has done very well for himself,” Lexi says as she pats my hand. “He’s been all over the world and bought things from everywhere. Aren’t you proud of how well he turned out?”

I smile at Lexi and she gives me a crooked grin back and a little kiss on the cheek.

Man, I love this girl!

“Well, of course I’m proud of him! Who wouldn’t be?” Sissy keeps walking around and I see her chewing on the butt of the cigarette and it makes me sick.

Hilda comes in and diverts my attention, thankfully. “Hilda, this is Sissy Lawton,” I say.

Hilda smiles. “I know, Mijo. I’m the one who let her in and took her to your office.”

“Oh, yeah,” I say.

She sets the tray of meats and cheeses on the table in front of us. A carafe of red wine she puts down and three glasses. I think alcohol is a terrible idea, and once I see my mother’s expression I know it is. “Oh! Wine!” She sits down quickly and rubs her palms together as Hilda pours the red liquid into the glasses.

Hilda smiles at me and I give her a frown. “Wine is good for the blood and I think Lexi needs it, so that’s why I brought it, Mijo.” She hands a glass to my mother then leaves the room, shooting me a glare, telling me to be nice.

I almost want to stick my tongue out at her, but manage to stop myself. Instead, I pick up a cracker and place some meat and cheese on it and hold it to Lexi’s lips. She opens her mouth and allows me to pop it in. I smile as I love to see her eating and getting healthier. I hand her a glass and she sips the wine from it.

My mother on the other hand has downed hers and is pouring another. “It’s been so long since I’ve had wine, and this is delicious.”

“Tell me, Sissy, what type of work do you do?” Lexi asks and I pop another beef-topped cracker into her mouth.

Sissy shakes her head. “I’m on disability on account of my back.”

“What state pays you that?” I ask.

“Texas, silly,” she says and takes a long drink. My head spins around back to the fact she just told us that she was living in California. I’m not sure if her mind is addled from the drug abuse or if she’s just a big, fat liar.

“So you’re unable to work, that’s too bad,” Lexi says and taps my hand as if I’m supposed to offer something. I shake my head at her, slightly. Her hand squeezes mine. “What’s your plan then, Sissy?”

My mother looks away and wipes at her eyes again as if they have tears in them, which they don’t. “I tell you, child, I just don’t know. It’d be real nice if Randy could see fit to allow me to stay with him. I’ve missed him all these years, you know. I never wanted to give him away, but the state threatened to put him in foster care and I didn’t want that.”

Lexi leans her head on my shoulder and I know she’s falling for this sad little tale my mother is weaving. “Well, it is important not to leave a child alone when they’re little. I wouldn’t exactly put the blame on the state,” I say and stroke Lexi’s cheek.

Her dark blue eyes look up at me. I know what she thinks I should do and I don’t want to do it. She gives me a nod and I shake my head. She pulls her head up and looks at Sissy. “What will you do if Max refuses to let you stay?”

And here we go with the melting thing again, only this time it’s the chair she melts into as she whimpers, “I’ll probably give up on life. With no family to care for me, why live?”

Lexi’s eyes go wide, and she looks at me. “Perhaps you and I should talk alone, Max,” she says.

I take in a deep breath. “Lexi, there’s nothing to talk about. I told her she could stay one night, and that’s it.”

“This isn’t like you,” she whispers to me.

I know it isn’t, but there’s just something telling me I can’t fall for this. “What would you have me do?”

Lexi tries to stand up and I stand and pick her up and take her to the wheelchair. She looks at my mother. “We’ll be back in a little while, Sissy. Just relax and feel free to turn on the television if you’d like to.”

I wheel her out and off to another room where I’m pretty sure she’s going to attempt to talk me into letting my mother stay.

Alexis

Max picks me up and sets me on his lap as he sits on a sofa in his office. I run my hand over his cheek and bring a smile to his lips. “There’s that smile I love to see,” I say.

I bring my lips to his and kiss him. His arms wrap around me and our bodies seem to pull together like magnets. My heart swells with the love I have for him. After my experience, I’ve let the fear of loving him so fiercely go and cling to it for every moment I can experience it. I pull my mouth from his, finding I feel weak, so I lay my head on his wide chest.

“I don’t want to do it, Lex.” He kisses the top of my head.

“This place is huge, and she’d not be in your way,” I say as I run my fingers over his stomach.

“She makes me hate myself,” he says as he runs his hand along my back.

I gaze up into his dark green eyes. “She doesn’t have the power to do that, Max.”

He bites at his bottom lip and moves his hand to my neck and pulls me into him and drops his lips on mine again. They quiver as he pushes his tongue past my lips and runs it over mine. I turn on his lap, sitting facing him and feel him getting aroused. I run my arms around his neck and tangle my hands in his hair. His hands tangle in mine as his kiss grows hungrier.

With a quick yank on my hair, he pulls my lips from his and moves his mouth to bite at my neck. I groan as his teeth nip at my flesh and feel heat flow through me. “Oh, Max, you’re driving me crazy.”

His teeth rake me as he moves his mouth down to my chest. His hand pulls my shirt down along with my bra, exposing my breast. I arch up to meet his hot mouth as he takes in my breast. My hands run over his back and my stomach twitches as he nips and sucks it.

Slowly, he softens his mouth and trails gentle kisses up over my chest, up my throat and lands softly on my lips. “Damn it, I love you so much, Lexi.” His eyes search mine and I smile at him.

“No one can change you into something you’re not.” I place a kiss on his lips. “You’re a good man and I have faith you’ll do the right thing by that woman.” I kiss his earlobe and pull it into my mouth to nibble at it.

His arms tighten around me as he makes a low groan. “What you do to me is unbelievable.”

Trailing kisses down his neck, my lips move over his warm skin as I say, “You know what I want you to do to me, Max?”

“I do and don’t think you’re strong enough to do that twice in one day, not yet anyway,” he says, but he runs his hands over my back and through my hair until he pulls my head up and puts his lips back on mine, making the fire in me burn twice as hot.

I unbutton his shirt as his mouth consumes mine, taking it as his own. With a quick movement he has me on my back on the sofa and pulls his mouth from mine just long enough to undress me then himself as I smile up at him. “I think this is better physical therapy for me anyway.”

He laughs then moves his body over mine. The hard length of his erection finding its way right to where I crave it the most, making me arch up to meet his first thrust as he looks into my eyes. “Just so you know, Lexi, this may cause you to have my baby. I don’t want any misunderstandings like we had before.”

“I get it,” I say and pull him close so I can whisper in his ear. “I want to have your baby, Max.”

He pulls his head back and gives me the widest smile. “You don’t know how much I’ve wanted to hear those words come out of your mouth, princess.”

“I kinda do know. You haven’t exactly made that a secret, babe.”

He chuckles and his deep laugh shakes my entire body. Then he kisses me and moves himself deeper into me before pulling his hard cock all the way out and thrusting it in as deep as it’ll go. I pull my legs up and he grabs one and pulls it up higher and I feel him go even deeper into me. I moan and he pulls his mouth off mine to graze his teeth over my neck.

I’m already pulsing inside as I rake my fingernails over his back and arch up to meet every thrust. “Harder, Max!”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he mumbles as he kisses my neck.

“You aren’t,” I say and grab his hair, pulling him to look at me. “Fuck me hard, like you used to. I ache to feel that power you have again.”

His lips curve into a grin and his eyes go dark with desire. “You think you can handle it?”

“I can, give me all you got, please.”

His mouth comes down hard on my breast as he bites at my nipple, igniting a yelp from me. He slams his cock hard into me. My breath is pushed out of my lungs with every stroke as he pushes himself deeper and deeper with each one. My insides start to quiver as he sucks hard on my breast.

My body arches up as I come undone and find myself screaming, “Oh, fuck, Max, God!”

He hasn’t come yet, and he pulls out of me and flips me over on my knees. His hands grab my hips and he slams into me as he pulls me back to him. “Tell me you want this, Lexi,” he says through gritted teeth and rams his swollen cock even deeper into me.

My hands are gripping the sofa cushion and I’m moaning into it to try to stifle the noise I’m making. I lift my head and say, “I want this! I want to have your baby, Max!”

I feel him stiffen and hot fluid rushes into me as he shouts, “Oh, fuck me!” A moan follows quickly after. He eases his strokes as I pulse around him until we both pulse no more.

He eases his body down on mine and moves to the side to face me. “I love you, Lexi.”

I smile. “I love you, too, Max.” Max

Just as life’s getting to the good part. Lexi loves me and wants to have my children, so that’s getting to where I wanted things to be. Then my mother has to show up and want to be a mother to me.

She’s never been one, so this is new. Lexi and I told her she could stay, and I set her up in a suite in the other wing of the mansion. We took her shopping and at Lexi’s coaxing, I bought her a car. Nothing fancy or expensive, but a nice one and she loves it.

Somehow, me doing this for my mother has Lexi looking at me with more stars in her eyes than she had before, and there were already a lot of them. A month has passed since my mother came and Lexi and I began working together on having a baby. I bought a pregnancy test and am about to see if Lexi wants to check it out.

To say I’m impatient is an understatement. Lexi comes out of the bedroom just as I get to the door. “Hey, baby,” she says with a smile. Her eyes go to the bag I’m holding. “What ya got there?”

I hold up the bag and lift my eyebrows. “Wanna see if I knocked you up yet?”

“Already?” she asks with a smile and grabs the bag out of my hand. She turns back to go into the bedroom and I pick her up and carry her in. “I can walk now, Max.”

“I know,” I say and drop a kiss on her cheek. “But I kinda like carrying you around.”

Her giggle fills my heart and I hope she feels as excited as I do about having a baby. I put her down, and she goes into the bathroom. I sit and wait for what seems like forever. The door opens, and she’s frowning. “What’s wrong with me?” she asks with a pout on her pink lips.

“Let me see it. I want to be sure you’re reading it right.” I take the stick out of her hand and look at it. My mouth drops open and I look up at her. “You little minx!”

She loses the fake frown and has the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on her. “I fooled ya!”

I grab her and twirl her around. “You’ve made me so happy!”

“You’re gonna be a daddy!” Her arms are tight around my neck.

I finally stop twirling and sit on the edge of my bed, keeping her in my lap. “I love you, Lexi. Now will you consider marrying me?”

“I’ll think about it,” she says with a grin. “But I don’t want some over the top thing. Just something small and only family there.”

“Whatever you want that’s how it’ll be,” I say and move her off my lap so I can get something I’ve been dying to give her. “Wait right here.”

Taking a black box from my top dresser drawer, I go back and get on one knee. Lexi’s eyes are already getting glassy. I open the box and the light hits the enormous diamond engagement ring I bought all the way back before I took Lexi with me to the children’s home and introduced her to my house mother. I was going to propose to her there, in front of Mom, but she got pissed at me and I felt she’d tell me no, so I didn’t do it then.

“Alexis Mathews, will you do me the great honor of becoming my wife, forever and always?”

Tears flow over her pink cheeks and her lips quiver. “Yes,” she says and my heart overflows with joy.

She extends her left hand and I place the ring on her finger. I had to have it adjusted since she lost so much weight, but it fits perfectly. I pull her up into my arms and she breaks into sobs and takes me on the damn emotional journey with her. “This is so amazing, Max. We’ve both almost died, and I was such an idiotic person and I thought I’d never see you again, but I did and we made up and you didn’t marry Kate like I thought you did,” she pauses and I think she might stop her rambling. Then her mouth lands on mine and she’s kissing me.

I kiss her back as our tears mingle on one another’s cheeks. Then she pulls her mouth away from mine. “Let’s go tell Marcos and Kate!” she says.

I let her go and grab a couple of tissues off the nightstand. “Damn it, girl, you got me cryin’ too!”

She laughs and I have to laugh too. “We’re going to be a real family, you and I. I can’t believe it!” she says and breaks into sobs again.

Is this how it’ll be for a while, a cryfest?Alexis

The air is warm as we walk back into the mansion after going to see Marcos and Kate and telling them our good news. And they shared theirs with us, as our angel, Kate, is pregnant too and they’re jetting off to Vegas to get married, then off to Paris to do it over there too.

Max holds me close to him as we make our way to the kitchen to tell our news to Hilda. As we round the corner, we see Sissy in the kitchen and Hilda’s frowning at her. “Sissy, are you sure you’re feeling okay?”

“I am. Stop askin’ me that,” Sissy says as she grabs a bag of frozen peas from the freezer and holds it to her left arm.

“What’s happened?” I ask as I break away from Max and go to Sissy. I take her arm and move the bag to find a bloody spot along a very swollen and blue vein. “Sissy, what happened?”

She jerks her arm from me and places the bag back on the injury. “Nothin’ I can handle this!”

“Hey! Watch how you talk to her,” Max says with a stern tone.

I shoot him a look I hope he realizes means to be more compassionate with her. “I’m not saying you can’t handle it, Sissy. Maybe we should take you to the doctor is all.”

“I don’t need anyone’s help. I’ve been taking care of myself a long time and made it just fine!” she says then stomps out of the room.

We all stand in stunned silence, then Max starts to go after her. “No!” I say and he stops. “We aren’t letting that stop what we came to tell Hilda.”

Hilda wipes her forehead with a dish cloth. “You came to tell me something?”

Max smiles and takes me by the waist, then grabs my left hand and holds it up. She spots the ring and her hands go to her mouth. “Oh! Finally!” She hugs us both then steps back and smiles. “You’ll be so happy together.”

Max kisses my cheek. “I know, and there’s a bit of bad news for you.”

“Oh! If you’re talking about me making a fabulous engagement party or a wonderful wedding reception, don’t worry. I already have the whole plan figured out. I made it when Lexi came home from the hospital. You will both love it.”

“Well, it won’t be enough,” Max says.

“I beg your pardon?” she asks and her hands go up in the air. “I beg you to remember I worked for the president of Mexico for a time and I know how to throw a party.”

“Did you ever throw a baby shower?” he asks.

She stops throwing her hands around and stares at me. “No!”

I nod and she runs and grabs me up in her little arms. “We’re having a baby,” I say.

She lets me go, and she’s beaming. “Finally, I have a family to feed. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this.”

Max laughs. “Glad we could help you out with your dream, Hilda.”

Hilda moves back to the counter and pulls out a notebook. “Oh my, I have so much work to do. I have to make up a diet for you, Lexi, and of course I have to start on healthy foods for the baby. I will make all the baby food, no preservatives will ever go into the child. So much work, so little time. A baby shower menu. My, my.”

With a tug on my arm, Max says, “Come, we must give her space to make recipes for the future baby, Lane’s we have.”

I look at him as he pulls me to him and holds me at my waist. “Tell me, Max. Now that your mother knows who you are, will you change your name back to Randy?”

“No way!” he says. “That dude is gone and has been for a long time.”

As we walk to the main living area we pass in front of the staircase which leads up to the other wing that his mother has her room in. A loud crash comes from up there and we look at each other, then move quickly to see what happened.

Max

A crashing sound led Lexi and I up to my mother’s room and we found her passed out on the floor. Her arm is bleeding and as I look around, I see a needle half full of some black stuff. I pick her up and lay her on the bed. She’s like a rag doll and Lexi grabs her cell and calls 911.

After she gets the ambulance coming, we comb the room, looking for what else she has in here.

“See!” I shout. “This is why I didn’t want her here. This is one of the best damn days of my life and she’s fucked it up!”

“Calm the bippety, boppety down, Max!” Lexi says. “Our day isn’t ruined. Nothing can ruin this day.”

My mother begins to flail about on the bed and Lexi runs to grab her before she falls off the bed. Her eyes open as Lexi grabs her by the arms.

“Who are you?” she screams. “Get the Hell away from me!”

In slow motion, my mother’s legs pull up and I break into a run, trying to move Lexi before she’s hurt. Her legs jut out and Lexi flies back as she’s kicked in the stomach. Lexi lands on the floor with a thud as her hands go to her stomach.

“No!” I scream as I fall to my knees beside her.

I watch in horror as Lexi can’t take a breath. The kick knocked the wind from her. Her eyes lock on mine and panic fills them. Then I feel something slam into my head.

Alexis

Beeping machines fill the air around me as Max, Sissy, and I were all taken to the hospital. Sissy had busted Max’s head open when she hit him with a lamp. I began bleeding from her kick to my stomach and probably have lost the tiny fetus which had just begun to grow inside me. Oh, yeah, and apparently Sissy is back on heroin.

I really regret saying nothing could ruin this day because I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Sissy wails as she lies in the bed on the other side of the curtain from mine, “Just kill me!”

As horrible as this sounds, it might be for the best. Max and I have treated her so well. He’s given her everything, and in hindsight, her own credit card may have been a mistake. Heck, her own car was one, that’s for sure.

I got him to take her in, give her that car, and I even got him to give her a credit card.

I’m so ding dang naïve!

The doctor who stitched up Max’s head pulls the curtain between us back and I look at Max as he rubs his hand over the back of his head. I stand up and go to see how it came out. I find that they had to shave a small patch of his gorgeous hair. “Don’t worry, you’re still devastating.”

His hand goes to my stomach and moves over it. “And you?”

The doctor puts his hand on Max’s shoulder. “We’re about to give her a pregnancy test, we’ll have those results shortly. I don’t want you to worry, no matter what the results are. There’s no reason Lexi can’t get pregnant again if she did lose the fetus.”

I kiss Max’s cheek, and a nurse takes me by my arm. “Come with me and let’s get some urine and find that out for you.”

I wave at Max as I’m lead away. His frown is making my heart ache. The nurse gestures to a door. “I know the drill,” I say and walk into the small bathroom.

A small cup sits on the counter and when I go to fill it up I see I’m no longer bleeding which is a good sign in my opinion. I look up and say a little prayer, then wash my hands and make my way out and back to Max.

He’s sitting up, sipping on a clear, bubbly liquid. His mother still moans on the other side of where I was. The doctor walks out of her little cubicle and frowns. “I need to discuss something with Max about his mother.”

“I’ll give you privacy then,” I say.

Max shakes his head. “No, you come here and we’ll decide things together. See the ring on her finger, Doc? She’s about to be my wife and we do everything together.”

The doctor nods and I go stand by Max. “Your mother needs to be placed in a rehabilitation program. We have a few here in Houston, but to be honest, there are better ones out of state. Would you consider placing her in one?”

“I don’t want to take her back to our place, that’s for damn sure,” Max says.

I look at him and his face is pinched in a way I’ve never seen before. “Out of state means we’d most likely not be able to see her very often. Don’t you think having family around would be better for her?” I ask.

The doctor looks at me. “She’s bad off, Lexi. Frankly, I’m surprised you want anything else to do with the woman after what she did to you.”

“Me too,” Max says and gives my arm a squeeze. “How much more does she need to do before you realize she’s a lost cause?”

I’m in shock at how Max is talking about his flesh and blood. “Max, that’s your mother.”

His head shakes. “She’s not anyone I want in my life. I sure as Hell won’t have her around our children.”

To say I feel great sadness at his words is an understatement. “No one is a lost cause. That woman brought you into this world, and she has problems. It’s a family’s job to help each other in life. I hope you can come to find some type of love for her in your heart, Max.”

“Send her to one of the out of state programs. The best one you can find,” Max says as he looks at the doctor. His eyes turn back to mine. “That’s all I’m going to do for her for now. If they can fix her then we’ll see, but that’s all for now, Lexi.”

The nurse comes in and the smile on her face tells us the news is good. She gives us a thumbs up and Max laughs. “So we’re still good?”

“She’s still pregnant,” the nurse says. She hands me a piece of paper. “You’ll need to follow these steps for the next few days. Stay off your feet and things like that. No intercourse for a week.” Her eyes go to Max’s and I blush.

“Okay,” he says. “Tell her. She’s the sex kitten.”

I slap his arm and go deeper red. “Max!”

Everyone laughs, but me.

Damn man, embarrassing me like that!

Max

In the dark room, I hold my love and run my hand over her flat stomach. Our child’s heart still beats despite my mother’s actions. A deep intolerance for her fills me. Lexi is adamant we must help her as she’s family, but I disagree. The woman never helped me do a thing, so why should I help her now?

Sissy had been quiet as a guest in our home until she went off the deep end. I can’t find the love for her Lexi says that I need to be a whole person. Lexi has become so different since nearly dying. Compassion flows through her like blood. This is awful to admit, but I find it annoying.

I want Lexi to agree with me that Sissy is not someone we should want in our lives, or our children’s lives. Not only am I embarrassed by her, but she’s down-right dangerous to have around us. How much damage could she do to our children?

If we’d lost the baby, I doubt I could’ve found it in me to even send her to rehab. Let the state care for her, or whatever, just like she did me. My heart pounds as I think about losing what I’ve wanted since the day I met Lexi. That woman could’ve taken that from me along with the childhood she stole.

No, I don’t see ever letting her back into our lives, no matter what Lexi thinks. She didn’t have to live that life, I did. She’ll never understand that kind of neglect and what it does to a person.

Alexis

The room is dark and I feel Max’s arms around me. His even breathes let me know he’s sleeping soundly for the first time in a while. With the arrival of his mother, he hasn’t been the same man.

I know she hurt him, but he just has to get over the past and deal with her in the present. The poor woman has such a bad problem. It rips at my heart to see any person in such a state, but the mother of my true love, well it’s a lot to bear. The woman will be this child’s grandmother. How could I not be compassionate about her?

To be honest, I’m not entirely happy with how Max is acting. It’s not like him, and he told me in the very beginning not to let him become something he isn’t. How am I to stop him though?

I’ve no control over how he acts or thinks. The task he set for me is not one I can accomplish. It’s too much to ask of another person, in my opinion. I pray that Sissy finds the help she needs at the rehab facility he sent her to in Washington.

Perhaps if she can get better then he’ll see fit to let her be a part of his family. The fact he thinks he can pick and choose his blood relatives is something I find more than a little upsetting. What if one or more of our children have problems with drugs or alcohol abuse? Would he go so far as to disown them? Help them no more?

It’s hard to think he’d ever be that man, but he’s showing me he could. We finally got to a place where we were uber-happy and excited about our future. How come life can’t be easy for the two of us?

Other people fall in love with ease. Like Marcos and Kate. They fell in love and instantly everything fell into place for them. She is pregnant now, and they are already married. Life is just moving so much easier and faster for them than it is for us.

Maybe we aren’t meant to be together, it’s obviously too late to change that now, but will our lives always be so difficult. The good Lord knows I’ve struggled with this thought for far too long.

I run my hand over my stomach and the see-saw in my brain shuts down. We’re having a baby, so none of that matters anymore. We are going to be a family no matter how hard the road is. We’ve taken off on it and there’s no turning back now or ever.

It’s a forgone conclusion Max and I will marry soon and all the doubts will be laid to rest once and for all. This man doesn’t believe in divorce and to be honest I don’t either. I love the man with all my heart and will deal with all which comes with him. For our family’s sake.

Rolling in his arms to look at him in the darkness, I run my fingertip lightly over his high cheek bone that’s highlighted by the dim light. He’s such a beautiful man and I am more than lucky to have him love me.

My hand flows to his chiseled chest and I place it over his heart, feeling his heart beat. It’s slow and steady and I know it beats for me and this child I’m carrying. He looks so peaceful as he sleeps. Not like the expression he wore after his mother’s incident. At one time, I was afraid he was going to strangle the woman.

His caramel colored lips beckon me to kiss them and I leave a gentle kiss on them. He moans a little and wraps his arm tighter around me. His breath is warm on my face and my heartbeat increases as I begin to ache for him. What this man does to me is unreal.

I know we can’t do anything physical and turn to stop my libido from overacting. I simply can’t look at him and not want him, it’s impossible. He pulls me into him and snuggles into my back, his face buried in my neck.

Ugh! He’s making me hot and crazy!

I wiggle away from him as he grasps at me. It’s too much to take and I need a drink of water or something to calm me down.

Blasted gorgeous man!

Off to the bathroom I go to wash my hot face and try to bring my heat down to a dull roar. As I run a cool washcloth over my face I notice the ache in my lower regions is not going away. As a matter of fact, I’m wet and seem to be getting wetter.

A cold shower I guess it will take to stop this nonsense. I turn on nothing but cold water and pull my nightgown over my head then drop my panties on the floor.

No!

The ache and wetness aren’t from what I thought. There’s blood everywhere!

The baby!

Part 8 Secrets of Passion

Alexis

Cool water I splash with my feet as I sit at the edge of the swimming pool. It’s been a month since I lost the baby. The doctor told us we can start trying again in five more months.

Max has moved into a depression. There’s a void in him where the happy-go-lucky guy has vanished. The doctor told him to see a therapist about it, but he thinks he’ll get over it on his own. I, on the other hand, have seen no improvements in him.

I hear the door open and close and footsteps come up behind me. “Lexi, do you want to go shopping?” Max asks me.

I look back at him and though he’s still devastatingly handsome, there’s a sadness to his emerald eyes. “Shopping? What for?”

“I don’t know, for whatever we want. I’m bored and restless and think going out and spending some money will help.” He holds his hand out for me to take.

Reaching up, I let him pull me up. “If you want to spend money I have a much better idea than spending it on ourselves. Let’s go shopping for the kids in your house parent’s home at the children’s home.”

Max pulls me along with him into the house. “I don’t want to go down there. There’s that baby there and it’ll make me even sadder about our loss.”

“Okay,” I say as I run my arm around his waist and pull him close to me. “Then let’s buy some dog products, like food and shampoos and stuff like that and take it to the animal shelter. Maybe we can pick up a dog while we’re there. It might help lift your spirits.”

“I don’t want my spirits lifted. I’d like to be allowed to mourn the loss of my first child, if you don’t mind. I know you don’t seem to be that sad about it, but I am.”

I stop and look up at him sharply. “Max, I am sad, but I also believe with everything in me, we’ll have a child in the very near future. There’s nothing wrong with me that suggests that we can’t.”

“We can’t even start trying for five more months. It won’t be anytime soon that we’ll get to see our baby, if we manage to make that happen again.” He frowns, as he’s done so much of for the last month.

“Have patience and some faith, man.” I start walking again and pull him along with me.

“Diddly dang, Max, you’re letting this spoil things between us. I use to be enough for you, now it seems if you can’t hurry and add a kid to this equation, it’s no fun anymore.”

He stops and pulls me back into his strong arms, a place I haven’t been in much lately. His breath is warm on top of my head. “Lexi, I’m sorry. I really am. If I could stop feeling so damned sad believe me, I would.”

“You need help, Max. We can go see the therapist together.”

“You just don’t seem to understand, Lex, I had to talk to counselors when I was at the home and it didn’t do any good.”

I blink a few times and look at him in disbelief. “Max, it did too help you. For the love of Benjamin Franklin, look what you’ve become!”

“So what? I made some money, no big deal,” he says and lets me out of his embrace and turns away from me. “It’s not because of anything they did for me.”

“I’m sure it is,” I say and walk in front of him. “Not everyone can do what you’ve done. Now let’s stop talking, go make a donation to the animal shelter then get some ice cream and take a walk in the park.”

He takes my hand in his and kisses the top of it. “I’m sorry, princess. I’m just so damn impatient to start our family. Maybe we should get married already, maybe that would help?”

My heart stops and the fear runs through me that I thought was long gone. If this man can get so down, do I have what it takes to live an entire lifetime with him?

“It’s not a thing we should rush into.”

“Rush?” he asks as he pulls me into his arms again. “There’s been no rush, baby. Are you second guessing your decision about marrying me? Because I can see it on your face, you’re unsure of us.”

My heart pounds in my chest as I look everywhere but at him and he takes my chin in his hand and makes me look into his eyes. “I love you, I know I do, but this deep depression is scary.”

“You’re unsure you can live like this, aren’t you?”

I nod and see the glimmer of unshed tears fill his eyes and it breaks my heart. “I know I love you and I know we can get through this,” I say.

“But, you aren’t ready to sign on the dotted line just yet. You need more proof from me that I can get over this. I’ll let you know right now, I’ll never completely get over my mother costing us our first child. The woman has stolen so much from me already. I’ll hate her until the day I die and I’ll miss the child she killed for that long as well.”

“Hate is not a thing one should cling to,” I say as I run my hand through his shoulder length, dark waves. “Max, you have to let it go. She’s a very sick woman, and it was an accident.”

“Taking drugs is no accident, Lexi.” His hand runs through my hair then he drags his knuckles across my cheek. “She didn’t fall into a pit of heroin-filled needles. She did that to herself on purpose. It was my money which bought her the drugs and my car she drove to get them. She’ll never see another cent from me and if they ever release her from rehab, she’ll have nowhere to stay in my home.”

Sadness fills me at the level of hate he has for his own flesh and blood. I am again reminded that if he can cut his own mother out, he’s more than capable of cutting out any children we have with drug or alcohol problems. “You should be aware that someday one or more of our children could have similar issues. It’s considered a genetic problem by many doctors to become addicted to drugs and alcohol, you know.”

“We’ll raise them right, love. Don’t worry about that. Our kids won’t have the same problems my mother does.” He pulls out of my arms and takes my hand. “I’m through talking. Let’s go spend some money.”

I allow him to lead me out to the car, but my mind feels numb with all he’s told me.

Max

The darkness envelops me as I lie in our bed and stare at the ceiling. Lexi sleeps next to me as soundly as a woman with no regrets or sadness for our loss. How can she not feel bad about losing the baby?

She has this faith and frankly I don’t understand it. She says things like, ‘it was meant to be’ and ‘who are we to question what happened’. It’s annoying and I simply don’t understand. Maybe she’s secretly happy she lost it as she’s in no hurry to marry me. Maybe she’s fallen out of love with me.

She still says the words, but she looks at me differently. Disappointment fills her blues eyes at times. Never could I have imagined her looking at me with that in her eyes. Am I really overreacting to what’s happened?

I can’t help thinking about what the child would’ve been. Was it going to be a boy or girl? What color would its hair have been? How tall would he or she have gotten? Would it have Lexi’s silly way of using random words or would it have been more like me?

Questions like that pop into my head at all hours of the day and night. To have the joy of finding out we’re having a child to the low depths of losing one within a few hours is not an easy thing to get over. That’s exactly what everyone expects from me, to get over it and move on like it never happened.

How am I supposed to do that?

To make matters worse, we have to wait before trying to make another baby. We decided it was best for Lexi not to start taking birth control pills so we could get right back at it after the six month mark was met. So I’ve been using condoms, and it bothers the ever loving shit out me to use them with her.

That in itself makes no sense to me as I’ve used them for years and it didn’t seem to bother me at all. With Lexi though, it makes me mad. Not at her, but at life in general, and my mother.

That woman infuriates me. She has the nerve to call my cellphone and want to talk to me. I ignore the calls, but once Lexi sees that she’s called, she calls her back and talks to her as if she’s done no wrong. As if she didn’t kill our child.

I find I’m pissed and get out of bed and go for a walk through the halls, something I’ve done a lot of the last two months. We have four more months to wait until we can try again for her to get pregnant. I’ve waited thirty-two years to become a father and now I know I’ll see thirty-three before I see a child of mine be born. If then.

To have so much money it’s stupid and not have the one thing I crave so badly is infuriating. There’s no magic procedure or pill that can make Lexi’s body healthy enough to get pregnant more quickly. How can science not have come up with something like that yet?

I hear soft footsteps come up behind me and turn to find Lexi coming to me. She holds her arms out and I open mine and fold my arms around her. “Come back to bed, Max. I’ll rub your back or run my fingers through your hair until you fall asleep.”

She’s the sweetest thing in the world and she deserves so much better than what she’s had dealt to her. I kiss the top of her head and pick her up into my arms and carry her back to bed. Her head lies on my chest and she runs her fingers over my collar bone. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“When you leave the bed I can feel it, but don’t apologize. I thought a lot about how you’re feeling and I think I haven’t been compassionate enough with you. While I have faith that everything will be fine, I should be there for you more than I have been.”

I lay her down on the bed and gaze at her. She’s beautiful and I hate that it makes my heart ache so badly at what’s happened to her. Not just losing the baby, but being kidnapped and starved nearly to death, and being beaten by those awful girls when she was in high school. Her plight hasn’t been easy and yet she still has faith. If only I could be more like her. “Thank you for understanding, princess. I love you so much and it hurts not to get to feel you the way I want to.”

I lie down and put my arm around her, pulling her up to lie on my chest. Her breath is warm on my skin and I find myself becoming aroused. I run my hand over her soft skin and kiss her forehead. She turns her face up to mine and places her soft lips, gently against mine. I kiss her and she moves her body on top of mine. The silkiness of her night gown rubs against my bare chest. I push the thin straps down to free her breasts and feel them move against me. Her kiss deepens, and she tangles her hands in my hair. I swell and begin to ache to be inside her.

I flip her over, making our lips part. She looks up at me with her sparkling blue eyes and I see the love in them. Pulling her panties off I take my boxers off. “I want to feel you, baby. I swear I’ll pull out before I come, but I have to feel you the real you and not that damn rubber.”

Her smile lets me know that’s okay with her and I smile back as I move my body up hers and she spreads her legs out for me to enter her. The wet heat of her pussy feels so damned good on my hard as a rock dick and I find myself moaning with the sensation. “It’s been so long,” she groans as she arches up to me.

“You missed this too, huh?” I say and kiss her collar bone as I pull almost out of her then slowly glide back in, relishing her soft skin along my cock which has been denied the feeling for two long months.

“Um, hmm…,” she moans and I look to see she’s closed her eyes and is reveling in the pleasure as much as I am.

I move slowly, wanting this to last forever. Her arms reach out and pull me to her, then her mouth is on my neck, nipping and sucking and making me even harder. My strokes get faster as her mouth excites me. I wrap a section of her long, blonde hair in my fist and pull it to make her stop driving me too quickly towards the finish line. I pull back and look down at her. “You’re getting me too excited.”

“Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do?” Her hand trails over my abs and sends an electric current through my entire body.

“I’d like to make this last a little while.” I slow my strokes down as she smiles.

“Far be it from me to rush you, baby.” She closes her eyes and relaxes as I move in and out of her with deliberate slow, gliding strokes.

She feels so good and I find myself lost in just how perfect her body conforms to mine as I ease in and out of her hot, wet pussy. A weak pulsing begins as her vagina makes small contractions around my hardened dick and I know she’s about to come and I hope I can make it through this one without letting mine go. Her hips raise, pressing into me as I keep my body off hers, only connecting at our junctures. She writhes and grabs the sheet as her orgasm moves through her, making her pulse around me and it takes all I have not to join her.

Her breath becomes ragged and I struggle to keep my strokes slow and steady. “Come for me, baby.” I say through gritted teeth. “It feels so fucking good, come on.”

Her eyes open and she runs her hands up and grabs the back of my neck. “I need you to do it harder, please.”

“But, I want it to last and if I do that it won’t.” I stay slow and steady and she pulls her mouth up and takes mine, her tongue swirling into my mouth and her hot breath brings something out in me and I let my body fall on hers and kiss her, hungrily.

I let my body do what it wants as my strokes grow faster and ram into her harder. She groans and comes up to meet each hard stroke. Her fingernails run over my back, making chills run through me.

I pull my mouth from hers and pull out of her then flip her over and drag her by her hips back to me where I slam into her hard over and over as she screams out with each thrust. “Oh, fuck!”

She leans down and screams into her pillow as I feel her coming again and she pulses hard around my very hard and ready to explode dick. I lean over her and bite her shoulder, igniting more screams and harder she orgasms. I can’t take it anymore and pull out of her, exploding all over her back. “Shit!” I yell as my dick pulses against her back, spilling my juices on her.

It was all great until I came without feeling my dick inside her. I look down at the mess on her and feel awful. “Shit, Lexi! I’m sorry!”

I move quickly to get a towel as she remains still. Running back to her, I wipe it all off. “Maybe a shower is in order,” she says and turns over as I back up once she’s as clean as I can get her.

“I’m really sorry, that’s so gross. I know it wasn’t comfortable for you.” I take her hand and lead her to the bathroom.

“Max, stop apologizing. It is fine, I’d just like a shower, no big deal.”

If it’s no big deal why do I feel like shit?

Alexis

The fourth month is finally over and we’re in the home stretch. I find myself more than a little worried we can get through this. Max has stopped touching me. He felt terrible for some odd reason about this mess he made on my back and thinks it’s just better to stop having sex until we can do it the right way.

I’m more than a little frustrated and I know he is too, though he won’t admit it. He said wearing the condom and pulling out made him more frustrated than having no sex at all. Frankly I can’t see how.

So I’m taking a walk around the grounds. It’s what I do to stop thinking about sex. It wasn’t that long ago sex wasn’t a thing I missed having. Hell, I waited twenty-six years for it to happen, but once it did, watch out, I became addicted.

Well, addicted to having it with Max, so that’s not too bad on my part. I’ve put all my weight back on from my ordeal with the Ashley woman. That was a nightmare and so much worse than what I’m going through now, so I should stop being a brat and be thankful I’m still around to not have sex with my way too sexy fiancé.

It’s so weird how my perception of my body has changed. Once I saw myself in that horrible, skinny state, I knew what a real skeleton looks like with just skin covering it. No longer do I look at myself in the mirror and think I look like a scare crow. So the ordeal fixed me in at least that way, so I’m thankful it gave me something positive.

Max hates how I look on the bright side of things. He thinks I’m crazy for thinking everything that happens to a person is meant to be and teach them something about themselves. Losing the baby taught me things can happen in an instant and there isn’t a dog gone thing anyone can do about it.

Being sad and upset isn’t bringing that child back. If that kid was meant to be ours, it will be. I’m certain of it. I make my way back to the mansion and see Max standing by the back gate, looking around for me I suppose.

“Where the hell have you been, Lexi?”

I laugh as I walk up to him and see the scowl on his handsome face. “Walking, Dad, is that okay with you?”

“You shouldn’t do that all alone. You could get bit by a rattlesnake or a copperhead or a coral snake,” he lectures as he takes my hand in his and leads me back to the house.

“Oh my, Max. Are you telling me you have that many snakes around here?” I giggle as I’m finding him a bit over-protective.

“Just tell me when you’re going to take a walk and I’ll come with you.” He pulls me along into the house. “I need to go pick up my new helicopter and I’d like it if you’d come with me.”

“Really?” I ask and stop. “But what about my fear of heights?”

His laugh is deep. “You’ll get over it.”

The butterflies in my stomach tell me that won’t be as easy as he thinks. “Max, really, I’m scared.”

“I know,” he says as he pulls on my hand and makes me walk with him through the huge mansion and out the front door.

I see a car waiting and James is in the driver’s seat. “How about I drive you and you can drive the helicopter home and I’ll drive the car back? That’s a lot better idea. Then James doesn’t have to drive and that’ll be really nice of me, I think. You know, save James the problem of doing it.”

“Nah, I want you to come with me up in the air,” he says with a smile and opens the back door of the black Cadillac. “Nice try though, Lex.”

I can’t help but remember the last time Max took a ride in a helicopter. He ended up in the Gulf of Mexico. That doesn’t sound like fun to me. I get in the car and Max slides in beside me. “I, umm, let me see, how, oh, my, it’s, I…”

His lips touch mine and shut me up. He pulls back and smiles. “There’s that stammering I love so much.”

I take his hand and press it to my rapidly beating heart. “Feel that?”

He gives my breast a squeeze. “I sure do, but that’s out of the question right now, Lex.”

I slap his shoulder. “Not that, ding dang it, Max. My heart, it’s all reeved up at how nervous I am. You know I hate to bring it up, but the last time you drove one of those things you about died.”

“That’s exactly why I need to get back up in the air. It’s like falling off a horse, you have to get right back on. It’s been a long time I’ve waited to get this chopper done. You’re going to feel so much exhilaration as you move that chair out the door and experience what I designed and made so much money from.”

My head shakes violently. “Hell, no!”

James laughs and Max’s eyebrows go clean up to the top of his face. “Cursing!”

“Well, flippin’ piano strings, Max. I’m scared enough just to ride in the thing and you want me to ride outside it. No freakin’ way, man!”

His forehead rests on mine. “Okay, princess. On this ride you can stay inside the chopper, but next time you have to try out my invention.”

Well, at least not this time!

“Thanks.”

As we pull up at the airport where the helicopter was brought to I see a very shiny and pretty, jet black helicopter. “There she is. Do you like it, Lexi?”

I nod. “It’s very nice, Max.”

The car stops and Max gets out then reaches in for me. I take his hand and go with him to check out his smancy new toy. A tall man wearing overalls has a rag in his hand and smiles at us as we walk up to the helicopter. “You been waitin’ a while for this thing, huh, Mr. Lane?”

“I have and am dying to get behind that stick, Mr. Jones.” Max squeezes my hand with his excitement.

“Is this your wife?” the man asks.

“No!” I say maybe a little too quickly, earning me a frown from Max. “Not yet, anyway.” I add to soften the blow he apparently felt.

Max holds up my hand which sports the monster rock he gave me. “She said yes when I asked her, but won’t settle on a date just yet. I guess she’s still on the fence about me.”

I blush and look away.

The man doesn’t need to be telling our private business to a stranger for the sake of Pete!

“I’m sure she’ll find no one better than you to marry, Mr. Lane.”

“I hope not,” Max says and puts his arm around my shoulders. “She’s the love of my life after all.”

With a smile I look up at him. “As you are mine, Max. I’ll marry you one day, you’ll see.”

His eyes brighten and he laughs. “We have the chopper, let’s go to Vegas and get hitched today!”

Seems the bottom has dropped out from under me. “Max. I uh, you know, we…”

He frowns. “Okay, just kidding anyway, kinda.”

The tension mounts as he places me in the contraption and buckles me in then puts some headphones on me. He gives me a thumbs up sign and I give it back to him though I don’t know that everything is all hunky-dory or not as I feel tightly secured but so insecure it’s hard to tell if I’m safe or not.

Max climbs in the driver’s seat or whatever it’s called in a helicopter and straps himself in. Headphones go over his ears and he gives the Mr. Jones man a thumbs up and starts the thing up. Even with the headphones on, it is very loud. I grip each side of the seat as tightly as I can while trying very hard not to puke.

“Nervous?” Max asks me and I hear it in my headphones.

I nod and squeeze my eyes shut. Maybe if I don’t look I’ll feel better.

He taps my shoulder and I open them. “Don’t be afraid, Lexi, I promise you it’ll all be fine.”

A weak smile I give him and he moves the stick thing and we come up off the ground and my stomach is in my throat. I swallow hard to get it to go back where it belongs and I swear it just laughed at me and stayed lodged in my throat.

I wonder if anyone has ever died of a heart-attack while going on their first ride in a helicopter! I’ll probably be the first.

A bit higher we go and my whole body tenses like it never has before. So many bad words are fighting to come out of my mouth, but fear has me frozen and my lips won’t move to let them out. I glance at Max who is beaming as he flies through the air.

How can he like this? How can anyone like this?

He moves the stick a little and we lean over to the left and I want to scream, but again the frozen in fear thing has nothing leaving my mouth. I clutch at the sides of my seat and am pretty sure I haven’t taken a breath since we left the ground.

“Wanna take the stick, Lex?” I manage to shake my head a bit. “Aww, come on, princess, take the stick. Just hold it.”

His hand pries mine from the kung fu grip I have on the chair and he places it on the little stick and I wrap my fingers around it and try very hard not to shake and kill us both. I look up at him with terror in my eyes.

His smile melts me a little, and he runs his hand through my hair which is blowing around a bit with the wind. He seems so dang happy and I find myself breathing again. This makes him happy, me up in this thing with him makes him happy and I find tears welling up in my eyes at how simple a thing this is and it’s making him smile like he hasn’t since I lost the baby.

“I love you, Max.”

“I love you, Lexi.” The words in my ears break something in me and I relax. Max has me, I’m safe with him. I always will be. Even in this little thing moving through the air so fast, I’m safe with him.

“How do I make it turn?” I ask.

With a touch of his hand, he moves mine and we go a little bit right, leaning to my side and I turn and look out my window. It’s really far down to the ground and I get dizzy then feel his hand on my shoulder and blink then look back down at how cool everything looks from up here. “It’s cool, isn’t it, baby?” he asks.

I look back at him and smile. “It really is.”

“I’ll take it from here, princess, great job!”

“You’re sweet,” I say and kiss my fingertips then touch his tan cheek.

He takes my hand and kisses my fingertips. Heat flows through me and I wish like hell he’d make love to me when we get out of the sky. I wonder if I told him we could go to Vegas and get married right now if he would do it then.

Max

The air flows around us as I take the chopper home. The landing pad is just underneath us and I land and find I’m more excited than I’ve been in what seems like forever. Lexi finally got into it and she had fun. I knew she would.

The girl is making me crazy with this waiting to marry me shit. I unbuckle myself and see her looking at all the belts holding her down and laugh as she has no clue how to get herself out. “Wait, I’ll get you, princess.”

She smiles and makes my heart skip a couple of beats. “Thank you, I’m more than confused.”

I get out and go around. “I can see that.” I set her free, and she slides into my arms and places a kiss on my lips.

“Thank you for making me do that, it’s was completely cool,” she says and runs her hand along my cheek.

“I’m glad you came with me, Lex. I knew you’d love it. There’s nothing to be afraid of.” I take her by the waist and walk towards the house.

“Will you teach our kids how to fly that thing?” she asks.

The thought that someday we will actually have kids seems like a dream that may never come true. “If we ever have any, yeah, I probably would.”

“If?” she asks with a laugh. “We will, don’t worry.”

I do worry though. It seems like life is against me more often than it is with me. My money wasn’t even a thing I ever asked for. It just came to me with the idea I had. Maybe that’s all I get is great wealth. Maybe a family isn’t in the cards for me.

Lexi sure as hell isn’t chomping at the bit to marry me. There’s always a chance she’ll take off again. Stranger things have happened to me. If she leaves me again, I don’t know what I’ll do.

Her arm goes around my waist as we walk inside and she looks up at me. “Max, let’s go to the bedroom.”

“Why, it’s like four o’clock in the afternoon, Lex?”

Her smile is mischievous. “I know that, I’m not tired.”

Oh crap! The thrill of the ride has made her horny!

“Lex, that’s like such a bad idea. Let’s go out and get something to eat or go bowling or shoot some darts or anything to get your mind off that.” I let her go and move a couple of steps away from her.

“No,” she tries to close the distance between us, but I keep just out of her reach. “Max, come on.”

Stopping, I take her by her narrow shoulders and hold her away from me as she reaches out and tries to get her hands on me. “I don’t want to use a fucking rubber and I don’t want to come all over you like I did before.”

“It was no big deal, Logan did that to me too,” she says and I find I’m pissed.

“Don’t do that!” I let her go and walk away from her. “Don’t you fucking ever tell me what you did with him. You made promises to me and didn’t keep them. I kept mine to you. Don’t ever remind me of what you did to me. I nearly killed myself over your ass and you were over there fucking another man!”

“Max!” she looks at me with her mouth open.

“I have to know one thing, Lexi. This has eaten at me for a long time. Did you ever tell him you’d have his baby? Because when your family and he were here while we looked for you, I overheard him tell your brother that you and he were going to get married and you had agreed to start working on getting pregnant.”

Her stunned silence answers my question and I feel sick to my stomach. “Max, I don’t know why I agreed to that, but it was a mistake and thank God it didn’t happen.”

“But you did that with him. You made love to him and hoped to have his child.” I turn back and look at her. “How could you do that to me?”

“Max, this is so out of left field for you.” She comes towards me and reaches out for me, but I don’t let her touch me. “I thought this was all behind us. I thought you forgave me. All we’ve both been through, it made me realize how much I love you and no one else. Please stop this.”

“You shouldn’t have brought it up, Lexi. Now all I can see is the two of you fucking the days and nights away as I drifted in the God damned ocean and fought off sharks and nearly drowned as a storm sent waves from hell crashing down on my ass.”

“It wasn’t even good, Max. The sex was without the spark we have,” she says and now I’m seeing red.

With a flick of my wrist, I toss over the end table I’m standing next to and it flies through the room. “How could you have stayed there with him, having sex that obviously meant nothing to you while I lay drinking myself into oblivion over you?”

Tears pour from her eyes. “Max, stop! I don’t know and I can’t change the past.”

“Stop crying!” I yell. “Just stop crying! It’s me who should be doing that, not you. It’s not you that hurt. It’s not you who lay alone and stayed true to what we’d agreed to. It was going to be me and you exclusively, but you lied and left me and tore me in two.”

I walk away from her and leave her standing in the room alone. “Where are you going?” she yells.

Without looking back at her I say, “Away, let you see what it feels like for a change.”

“When will you be back?” Her words are broken as she gasps from crying.

“Tell you what, Lex, I’ll surprise you, like you did me. I didn’t get to know, so neither do you. Let’s see how you like it.”

“This is cruel and not like you.”

I turn and look back at her. “And what you did wasn’t?”

“I was a mess, Max. You know that. Fear ruled me,” she says and moves a few steps towards me.

“Yet you told another man you’d marry him and have his children, then you went off and left his ass too. You refuse to marry me though you’ve said you would. How am I supposed to believe a word you say?”

“I’m not a liar, I’ve been a fool, but I’m no liar. I do love you and the truth is this depression you’ve gone into since I lost the baby is scary to me.”

“You didn’t lose the baby, my mother killed it. I have a right to be depressed over that. You did lie to me and don’t act like it wasn’t a lie. If you didn’t intend on staying with me, why did you say you would?” I look her in the eyes and wait for her answer.

“I don’t know.” She walks over and falls on the sofa and starts really bawling and instead of feeling bad or sorry I feel nothing and turn and walk out the door.

Alexis

My eyes burn as the tears flow from them. Max left and I have no idea where he went or when he’ll be back and what type of condition he’ll be in if he comes back. My past caught up to me and now I realize how badly I hurt him when I moved in with Logan.

That was the biggest mistake I ever made and it may screw up my future with Max. So much pent up resentment he has. It should’ve been dealt with when it happened as it has fermented inside him all this time and exploded out at me with no warning.

I hear someone coming and sit up and wipe my eyes, praying it’s him. But it’s Hilda who walks into the room. Her eyes go wide as she sees the state I’m in.

“Lexi, what’s wrong?”

“Max left me,” I say and break into sobs again.

Her arms go around me as she hugs me tightly. “Why?”

“Because I had planned to marry that man, Logan, and have children with him.”

“You did?” she asks and tightens her arms around me. “Why on Earth would you tell Max about that? He never needed to know that, Miha.”

“It wasn’t me who told him, he said he overheard Logan tell my brother that. I don’t know why he waited so long to ask me if it was true, but when he did I had to tell him it was and he exploded.” I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. “Do you think what we have is over, Hilda?”

She lets me out of her arms and hands me a towel from her apron pocket. I dry my eyes and wipe my nose as she says, “I have no idea. The man went to a dark place when you left him. He hasn’t been the same since you lost the baby that’s for sure.”

“I don’t know what I’ll do if he breaks things off with me. It seems losing the baby was the worst thing that could’ve ever happened to us. So many bad things have happened already. Maybe our being together isn’t meant to be.” I look at her and see if she agrees.

“Sometimes people have it harder than others. I don’t think it means you weren’t meant to be together, it just means you should try a little harder than others have to. Max needed to get that off his chest. You did hurt him and that should be acknowledged.” She pats my back. “When he comes back I’m sure he’ll be calmer and then you can apologize and things can go back to normal. Or as normal as they can be as he mourns the loss of the baby.”

“I kinda think he’ll stay depressed until I get pregnant again. And I’m not really happy with how he’s hating his mother. The thing is, I’m afraid if our children get into a bad part of their lives he’ll turn his back on them too, just like he has his mother.”

“Have you told him this?”

“I have talked to him a little about it.”

“Communication is essential in a good relationship. I think any concerns you both have should be expressed. I know I’m no longer married, but before my husband passed away ten years ago, we had a very good marriage and we talked about everything. No matter how hard it was to bring it up, we did, and it helped us stay together, till death did us part.”

“You’re right.” I stand up and smile. “I’m going to get myself cleaned up so when he comes home we can have a calm talk about our future together. I’ll apologize for what I’ve done wrong and tell him what I feel about our future kids and see where that leaves us.”

“Great! Good luck,” Hilda says as I leave the room.

Max

Oranges and yellows fill the sky as the sun sets and I drive along the road that runs along the beach in Galveston. The last time I saw this place was just before I wrecked my chopper into the ocean. Such a bad place I was in then, both physically and emotionally.

I thought I’d gotten past that, but after my outburst, it’s pretty obvious I haven’t. The love I have for Lexi doesn’t seem to be enough to get over all she’s done to hurt me. I’ve made excuses for her behavior, but it still affected me more than I realized.

Tossing furniture around and yelling isn’t something I do. Making women cry isn’t a thing I do, either. It’s time to really think about the future and look at the reality of our relationship.

Point one, Lexi will not commit to a date to get married, yet she will commit to getting pregnant, and that makes no damn sense. The next point is she still feels like a flight risk. How am I to live with the constant thought in the back of my head that she’ll leave me again?

I feel at some point, especially when Sissy gets released from rehab, that Lexi will shove it down my throat how I need to let her live with us and I don’t ever want that. I never want to see the woman again much less allow her to live with us.

All these things are adding up to a whole lot of this isn’t working for me. The lingering resentments of how bad she hurt me are just too much to live with. I turn around and head back home. It’s time to end this.

The ride back takes less time than I had anticipated and I’m feeling nervous at how Lexi will take my news. I’m tired of the crying and just want this over and done with.

A light from the television shines underneath the bedroom door, so I’m sure Lexi is in there. I take in a deep breath and muster up the courage to do what I have to do to get my life moving again.

Her head turns as I open the door and I see her chest move up and down as she no doubt breathes a sigh of relief I’m back. She gets out of bed and walks towards me. “I owe you an apology,” she says as she stops in front of me. “I hurt you and I never really gave you the apology you deserved. I truly am sorry and if I could go back in time I would change everything.”

“Thank you,” I say and find it hard not to pull her into my arms and hug her. But I can’t do that.

“You and I need to talk,” she says and turns and goes back to sit on the bed.

I follow her and sit a little bit away from her. “We do need to talk, Lex.”

Her eyes dart to mine and I don’t think she sees what’s coming. “You go first.”

I nod. “Lex, this isn’t working out.”

Her eyes go wide and glassy. “What?”

“This thing we have isn’t working out. I foresee a future of you shoving my mother down my throat. Although you say you’ll get pregnant, you won’t walk down the aisle with me and that’s more than a little upsetting to me as you’ve run off on me twice. I feel as if I’m putting a lot of stock into a ship which can sail away without me at any moment.”

“I’m not planning on leaving,” she says.

I hold up my hand, stopping her. “You didn’t plan on doing it before from what you told me. I’m afraid you saying it doesn’t make me feel any more secure about it. I want a woman who loves me and I can count on to be there for me and our children. I don’t have that confidence in you anymore.”

“Max, I really think you should think about this some more. You’ve been so depressed these last few months. This isn’t like you at all.” Her bottom lip begins to quiver.

“No, this isn’t like me. I haven’t been myself in so damn long I’ve forgotten who I really am.” I lean back on the headboard. “Lexi, I’ve never thrown furniture. I’ve never yelled at a woman like I yelled at you. I’ve never had the depression I have before you came into my life. I love you, I know that much, but maybe it’s like you said a long time ago, we’re bad for each other.”

She stares at me as if I’ve gone crazy, but I think I was crazy and am just now regaining my sanity. Finally she looks away and stands up. “I’ll go sleep in another room then. I can’t believe after all we’ve been through that you’re giving up. I’m sorry I did what I did with Logan and I’m sorry I left you the first time too. There are no excuses for what I did to you. I hurt you and I guess it was too deep for you to get over.”

“We can still be friends, I guess.” I mess with the pillow to avoid looking at her as she walks towards the door, because I’m fighting the urge to jump up and run and grab her, but I know this is for the best.

“That’s okay, maybe we should just leave each other alone and go on about our lives like this never happened. It would hurt me very much to see you with another woman or hear of it even. I love you with my whole heart and it was my intention to get through this rough patch and make a life with you. So this is hitting me a lot harder than maybe you meant it to. I’m not blaming you, so please don’t take it that way.”

“Lexi, I’m sorry it has to be this way.” My heart is beating like a base drum in my chest as she gets closer to the door. I’m fighting myself not to tell her to forget about what I just said.

She looks back at me as tears finally are set free from her eyes. “I’ll leave tomorrow. I’ll call a cab to come get me. I have my modeling money still and will buy myself a car.”

“You take the Mercedes, I gave it to you,” I say and try to gulp down the lump in my throat. “You keep everything I gave you, the clothes, the perfumes, and the shoes, all of it. I don’t want it back.”

She looks down at her engagement ring and takes it off and comes back towards me. “I can’t keep this.” Just before she gets to me she turns and places it on the chest of drawers. Which I’m grateful for because if she comes near me, I know I’ll take her in my arms and with one kiss, she’ll change my mind.

I hear her choke back a sob and she runs like lightning out the door. Sitting in stunned silence at what I’ve just done I finally allow the tears to come out. I turn and lay face first on the pillow I’m holding onto for dear life as my heart finishes breaking. I know it has to hurt worse before I can begin to heal.

Is it really over?

Part 9 Secrets of Bliss

Alexis

Grey, thick fog make it hard to see as I drive to work. I’m doing a photo shoot at the mall in Dallas. It’s been four, lonely months since I left Houston and Max. I’ll get to see Marcos today, but I’m sure it’ll make me even more depressed than I already am. He and Kate had their baby girl, and he’s sure to inundate me with her pictures.

I’m happy for them, don’t get me wrong, but why can’t it be that easy for Max and me? I suppose I should stop thinking in terms like that. He and I are no longer together at his request. I haven’t heard a word from him since I left his mansion.

One day we’re all happy and then in an instant it all changed just because I had to say something very stupid. My stupid mouth gets me in trouble more times than it gets me out of it.

Why would I ever think it was okay to tell Max anything about what Logan and I did in the bedroom?

That was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done, and I’ve done some dumb stuff. Now I’m looking at a life so lonely it’s almost not worth living. Not that I’m about to kill myself or anything like that, but just living day to day with no real hope is what I’ve been doing. My new best friend is Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. I switch up flavors every day, but me and a pint end each night together.

As I pull into the parking lot I see Marcos’s car and low and behold he’s brought Kate and the baby.

Great!

I get out of the car with a frown, knowing full well how this will affect me, but I manage to put on a smile for who used to be my best friend. “Hi, guys,” I say as I wave at them.

Marcos runs up to me and takes me in his arms and spins around with me as he squeals, “My, God, look at you!” He puts me down and I find I’m a little dizzy.

“Whoa there, Marcos,” I say as I hold onto his arm until I can see straight again. “How have you been?”

“Great, except for getting up at all hours of the night with the little princess. She’s already a month old, and this is the first time you’ve seen her.”

Kate walks up to us, holding the tiny, pink bundle in her small arms. “Hello, Lexi.”

I give her a hug and look down at the sleeping baby girl in her arms. “She’s adorable, Kate. She looks like a perfect mix of you and Mr. Too Handsome, here.”

Marcos giggles. “She does, right?”

I run my finger over her light brow. “Celeste fits her perfectly. You two did good.”

Marcos smiles and Kate gazes at him like he hung the moon. “We did. I’m so sorry things are going poorly with Max, Lexi.”

I look away as tears spring up with just the mention of his name. “Yeah, well that’s what happens when you do stupid things, good things end.”

Marcos’s arm goes around my shoulders and he leads me into the mall as Kate follows us. “I know it’s only been a few months, but don’t you think it’s time to move on? There’s going to be another male model working with us today, maybe you should see if you find him interesting.”

“No way!” I say. “I’m through with romance. A life of solitude is what I want.”

“No one wants that. Don’t lie to me or yourself, Lexi,” Marcos says as we walk through the glass doors and find the shoot all set up.

A gorgeous, dark haired man with deep blue eyes smiles at us, then he says, with a velvety southern drawl, “You must be the infamous Lexi Mathews.” I extend my hand and he shakes his head and pulls me from Marcos’s arms and into his. “We’ll be working together a lot and we’re about to make some pretty steamy pictures, so a handshake is out, my darling.”

My nose is in his neck and I can’t help but to inhale his wonderful scent, a musky citrus and I’m reminded of Max. I pull back and take a lock of his long hair. “Your hair is prettier than mine,” I say and he laughs.

“Your golden hair is much more beautiful than mine, Lexi.” His arm goes around my waist as he leads me to the make-up chair and I see an old acquaintance.

“Cake, is that you?” I ask in amazement.

“It is, darlin’ how’ve you been?” she asks as I pull away from the man whose name I don’t even know yet.

I hug her and say, “I’ve been better, but I feel much better seeing you again. I’ve come a long way since the day you showed me who I really am.”

“You sure have, honey.” She leans in and whispers, “You’ve given up your, V-card I heard.”

I nod and blush. “He told you?”

“Yes he did, and I couldn’t have heard better news. He came to see me last week and told me about this job. He told me the bad news too. Sorry about the baby and your loss, Lexi.”

My heart beats fast as I hate to think about that at all, what could have been if it weren’t for the accident. “Thank you,” I say and brush away the one tear that got away from me.

Cake hugs me again and I feel I’m about to burst into a flood of tears until the new, male model pulls me from her embrace. “No, we can’t have any tears. Let’s talk about other things like how gorgeous the three of us look together. My name is Ross Stevens, by the way.” He helps me to sit in the tall chair. “I’ve seen your previous work, and I had to be a part of it since your return.”

Marcos sits in the chair next to mine and his stylist drapes a cape over him to begin his transformation into super-hot Marcos. “Ross contacted me last week and asked if we’d be interested in this shoot. I might have neglected to tell you that part, Lex.”

I glance over at him as Cake rubs some magic potion all over my face. “You did, didn’t you?”

Ross has already been in hair and make-up, and he stands behind me, I can see him in the mirror and can’t help studying his magnificent features. Chiseled features have soft edges around his jawline. His dark, chestnut brown hair falls in a sheet of cascading waves on either side of his tanned face. He bears a slight resemblance to Max and I wonder if that’s why Marcos accepted this gig and asked me to join in.

The three of us, Max, Marcos, and I had a lot of fun when we did the shoots together before I was kidnapped. Maybe he wants something similar to that to happen again, only I’m not interested in Ross and that won’t happen. I can’t let it happen. It hurts too badly and I never want to feel like this again. I’d like it to stop hurting now, but I’ve come to the realization that’s a pipe dream and it’ll probably always hurt.

As Cake lines my eyes with a dark, black eyeliner, Ross looks at me in the mirror. “Your eyes are so gorgeous, Lexi.”

I look at his and say, “I think yours are a deeper blue than mine are.”

“We’ll make a great looking couple on camera, you and I.” His hand touches my shoulder.

Marcos chimes in, “You aren’t a couple, Ross. We are a threesome, remember.”

“God, Marcos, don’t say it like that,” I say and give him a stern look. “We’re just all going to be in the pictures together, nothing creepy is going on, so stop talking like it is, you diddly dang boy!”

Ross’s eyebrows raise slightly. “Diddly dang, huh?”

Marcos laughs. “You’ll get used to her silly way of saying things. She’s a riot at times.”

The cape comes off me in a swift motion quickly followed my Marcos’s and we stand up and follow the costume director to our dressing rooms. It’s a book cover shoot and I’m about to get considerably undressed. I’m handed a lacy, pink bra and matching panties and that’s it.

After changing into the underwear set I come back out and a woman pulls at the garments to fit me the way they want them to. My eyes go wide as Ross comes out of his dressing room wearing tight, black boxer briefs with a monster size penis in them. I nod and ask, “Is that all you, Ross?”

He smiles. “It is, thanks for noticing.”

My eyes go to Marcos as he comes out in a thong, his tight butt cheeks making their debut to the world.

“Nice butt, Marcos,” I say and find I’m blushing.

Ross laughs. “Get that blushing under control, Lexi. You’re supposed to be the alpha female and we are your willing partners in this scene. The first picture is for the cover of a racy, erotic, adult book where you are the center of a love triangle.”

I roll my eyes. “As if that would ever be a thing I could do. I hope the camera can catch me in a way that looks real because that’s so far from a thing I’d ever do.”

Ross winks at me. “So you’re a one man type of woman then?”

“I’m a no man type of woman,” I say and follow them to the set.

Ross looks back at me. “You turned lesbian?”

I giggle. “No, silly! I’m just done with relationships, that’s all.”

Marcos looks at Ross. “It’s a long story with a sad ending. Let’s not go there right now. Maybe when we have drinks later this evening after the shoot’s over, she can tell you her horrific love story.”

Ross looks back at me. “Horrific, huh? Well, maybe you’ll get through things faster with my help. I’m kind of irresistible as you’ll soon find out.”

“I’m sure you are, but please don’t waste your time on me, Ross. I’m a lost cause, and I’d like to keep taking pictures with you so let’s just be friends and leave the rest out of it.” A whip is placed in my hand and Marcos is moved up close behind me as Ross is placed on his hands and knees in front of me. I look at the producer. “Really, Madge?”

She nods. “Sorry, I didn’t write the book, I just took the job of producing the cover and your character is a real masterful bitch, so remember that and get the look of a woman who gets what she wants and she wants to dominate these two beautiful men.”

It’s so far from what I want, but I need money to live so here I go.

Max

It’s been four months since I told Lexi it was over. I’d like to say I’ve dealt with it and it’s over, but I’d be lying. Though I’ve made no attempt to contact her or her me, I think of her some each day. I’ve dived into a new invention, it’s a glass treatment to make normal glass bullet proof in a much less expensive way than it has been done. Germany is interested more than anyone else at this point. I’ll be going to Germany once it’s perfected.

The days have been fine, but I get lonely at night. I find myself reaching out to take Lexi in my arms some nights. I wake up and realize she isn’t there and never will be. It’s for the best though. Darkness no longer surrounds me, no more than usual anyway.

I pull up to my place and see a black car in the drive and wonder why Hilda didn’t call me and tell me that I had a visitor.

I go into the mansion and find a small man sitting in the main living room. “Hello,” I say. “I’m Max Lane. Are you here for me?”

He nods and stands up, coming to shake my hand. “Hello, Mr. Lane. My name is Mike Lowenstein.” I take his hand and shake it. “Let’s sit down. I’ve some news for you about your mother.”

Fuck!

“There really is nothing I want to know about her, Mr. Lowenstein.” I sit on the edge of the sofa.

He takes the place across from me. “Well, I’m afraid as her only relative we have no choice but to contact you about this situation.”

I sigh and sit back preparing to hear what my drug addicted mother has done now. “Give it to me.”

The man leans up and clasps his hands together as a nervous look comes over his face. “Your mother is being let out of the rehabilitation center. She’s being placed on hospice as it’s been found she has stage four lung cancer which has spread to her brain.”

A numbness flows through me with the man’s words. I blink a few times then finally find my voice, “So what does that have to do with me?”

Surprise fills the man’s face. “Everything! You need to make a place for her, so she can end her days peacefully.”

I rise and pace back and forth. “She never made a peaceful place for me, so why should I let her leave this world in a way she never saw fit to make for me?”

“Mr. Lane, the woman has maybe a month left.” He stands and places his hand on my shoulder. “Can’t you put your problems in the past for that amount of time? I’m sure you can find it in your heart to give your own mother comfort for a few weeks.”

“I don’t know if you’re familiar with all she’s done. Her most recent act of horror in my life was killing my baby. I don’t wish to ever lay eyes on her again. I’m sorry I can’t help you out. Send her somewhere else. There has to be a place they send indigents.”

The man pulls a paper from his jacket pocket. He opens it up and my name is signed on the bottom of the page. “Do you remember signing this, Mr. Lane?”

I take the paper and recognize it as one of the many papers I had to sign to get her into the rehab center. I nod and hand the paper back to him. “I signed a lot of things to get her in there, she’s your problem now.”

“No, she’s still yours to care for, Mr. Lane. This piece of paper states that you are her son and take the responsibility of paying for her care and in the case of extenuating circumstances you will take the financial responsibility and physical responsibility of her.”

“Well, send her somewhere else and send me the God damned bill then!” I walk away from the man. “I don’t want to see her again, ever!”

“Mr. Lane, I’m afraid I have no choice but to have her brought here. What you do after that is up to you, but we have to be let free of our responsibility of her, for insurance reasons.” Another piece of paper he produces as I turn back to look at him. “This is the paper which states she will be brought here tomorrow. The rest is up to you.”

With quick steps I walk up to the man who I tower over. “The hell you will! I don’t want her here!”

He places the paper on the coffee table and walks away from me. “She’ll be here tomorrow. The number for the local hospice is on that paper. I advise you to call them and they’ll come and get things set up for her. She’s in a great deal of pain. We’ll be sure that she gets here with enough pain killer to keep her comfortable, after she gets here that will be left up to you, Mr. Lane. Believe me, you don’t want to hear the wails of a person in that much pain when the pain killers wear off.”

The man walks out and I find myself sitting on the sofa with my face in my hands. The clip clop of high heels fill my ears and I look up to see Hilda has come in the room. “Mijo, I heard everything.” She sits next to me and her small arms go around me.

“I don’t want to see her, Hilda. What am I supposed to do?” I ask as I hug her.

“Mijo, you know the answer. Don’t make me tell you what the right thing is to do. You’re a good man, you know what you have to do.” Her arms loosen and she pulls away from me.

The only thought that goes through my mind is calling Lexi and getting her to help me, but I can’t do that to her. My mother killed her baby. I’m sure that’s the last thing she wants to do is come spend the last month of the woman’s life with her so I don’t have to.

“Hilda, why can’t my life be simple? I mean I have all this damn money, yet it helps me with none of my problems. What good is it?”

“Maybe this is meant to be something which will help you, Mijo.” She says as she takes my hand in hers. “You’ve had so much dealt to you in this last year or so. To be honest, you’ve dealt very poorly with it all. Perhaps this will help put things in perspective for you.”

“I know you think I’ve judged Lexi too harshly.”

“That’s not for me to say, it wasn’t me she hurt. I do have to say people make mistakes and she is human after all.” Her hand squeezes mine. “Her past made her who she is, that included the frightened woman she was. She got over that though. Your past made you who you are, a thing you’ve yet to deal with.”

“If you knew the things my mother did to me, you’d hate her, Hilda.” My eyes search hers for some tiny bit of understanding.

“There once was a man who lived a life without having committed so much as one sin. The man died at the hands of people who didn’t care about that. You know what that man said about the people who hurt him?”

I nod. “I did have to attend church every, single Sunday when I was in the children’s home after all. I get what you’re saying. I guess I’ll have to deal with what’s mine to deal with then. I’ll do my best to put the things she’s done to me out of my head and do what I know is right.”

“Maybe not put them out of your head, Mijo. Come to terms with them. It’s in you to do it, I promise you.” She hugs me and I feel as if I might cry.

Why does so much have to fall on my shoulders?

Alexis

Ross’s breath is hot on my neck as his face is only centimeters away from it. Marcos’s bare chest is against my back and I am feeling very warm as my hand lingers on Ross’s tightly muscled, naked back. A bright light fills my eyes several times before the photographer says, “Great! I got just the shot I was looking for.”

I relax and the men back away from me and I take in a much needed deep breath. Ross’s eyes catch mine as he pulls his head away from my neck. “I love the smell of your hair, Lexi.”

“It’s whatever Cake uses to make my hair shiny,” I say and take the thin robe a young girl hands me. It covers the small bra and panties I’m wearing.

Both men wear thongs so their butts show and we’ve found ourselves in demand for all the book covers of a twenty book series about a fearsome threesome. It’s making us all some really good money, but to be honest, I’m not real proud of my work.

Kate doesn’t come to the shoots anymore. She told us she finds it too hard to see her husband all over me. I can’t say I blame her. The producer, Madge, comes up to us. “I have to get things ready for a bedroom shoot, there’ll be even less for you to wear, Lexi. So you three may as well go get some lunch and be back here in two hours.” She turns and starts to walk away.