Winter by Michelle Love (9)

“You might want to slow down on the slow gin fizzes there, Shell. Just sayin’ it’s your second and you’re kinda looking a little woozy.” I pick up Pax and hold him on my lap.

She looks at her half full glass. “How much damn alcohol did you put in here, anyway, Peyt?”

“One lid full to a whole coke. You’re kind of a lightweight, Shelly. Sorry to break it to you.”

With a groan she puts the glass down. “Why does life have to be so difficult? Why does the thought of a man holding me as I sleep have to make me so mad? Why is it that the thought of him never holding me all night again makes me so upset? Why, Peyttie, why?”

“Cause you want him to do that for you, sweetie. We all want someone to care for us. But letting that into our head is hard as anything. I was thinking I didn’t need Kip to take care of our son. Now I can’t think about having to do this all on my own.” I get up and carry Pax with me to go sit by her and put my arm around her.

She buries her head in my chest. “I love him, don’t I?”

“I think it’s quite possible you do, sweetie. It’s not all bad, I promise you.” I pat her shoulder and she starts to cry.

My heart feels as if it’s breaking for her as she says, “What if I let myself fall in love with him and he leaves me alone like my mother did. If she could do it to a little, adorable three-year-old, he could do it to a mean, old, twenty-one-year-old.”

He could, I know he could and I know it would devastate her, but what is life if you never take a chance?

“Yeah, you’re right. Don’t risk it. Go it alone. Do what you’ve been doing. Leave love out of it. There was that last guy. What was his name again, Rick? Yeah. Rick. Maybe call him. You could never fall in love with that asshole.” I pat her back and she laughs a little.

“He was awful, Peyton. I only let you in on about half of what he did. I was afraid you’d go kick his ass.” She looks at Pax and he’s already trying to form the word with his mouth. I thrust her cell phone back into his little mouth. “Oops, I mean, bobo. I was afraid you’d go kick his bobo if you knew what all he did to me. It was degrading, and I allowed it. I allowed that to happen to me. Why? Why do you think I did that?”

Now she’s really letting me in and I can see she needs more help than she’s let on before. “I tell you what. I do think you need time away from men. Maybe someone to talk to who knows about these things isn’t such a bad idea after all. There’s not a one of us who’s perfect. Everyone needs help now and again.”

She looks up at me with tear stained cheeks. “But a shrink? I don’t want to be labeled a nut job, Peyt. Do you really think a shrink is what I need?”

“Let’s not call it that. Let’s call it a good friend who knows a lot about things, helping another friend out. I’ll find you someone.”

She shakes her head. “Peyton, I can’t afford that.”

“You know I’m not going to allow you to pay for this. It’s a friend helping a friend after all. Nothing more than that.”

The way she lays her entire weight, which isn’t much, on me tells me she needs me more than ever. She saved me once, I can help her now. She’s a good girl with a good head on her narrow shoulders.

Her words come out soft as if she’s exhausted. “Peyton, it’s just what Blake and I have is so intense. It’s as if I really do need him. My body and mind not only want him, I need him. And why does that make me so angry?”

“It just does for some freaky reason,” I say as I hold her to me and Pax runs his tiny hand over her long, black hair.

It would be nice if life was a little bit easier!

Blake

The rain is still pouring down as I take the young woman Kip set me up with to make Rachelle jealous into the restaurant she works at. Peyton let Kip know Rachelle went back to work even though she didn’t need to yet.

Kip found this groupie, and she is hot. Blonde, short, tight, red dress and sky high heels. Not my type at all, but hot none-the less. She checked her make-up on the short drive here not one time but six, count them, six times. Reapplying her red lipstick three of those times.

If I kiss her it is a fact my lips will slide off hers and look every bit as red as hers are right now. Her boobs and ass are fake as hell too. But hey, I need a little arm candy and she’ll do.

The restaurant Rachelle is doing her internship at is a five-star thing of beauty. Not according to my date, Cleo, though. She says her name is Cleopatra. I have my doubts, but why wouldn’t a woman who has changed nearly every God-given thing about herself change her name too?

We sit down and order a couple of drinks and I watch Cleo scan the room. She leans in and whispers as she holds her Champagne cocktail in her long, slender hand with long, red, fake fingernails, “Not too fancy for five-stars. This drink is watered down and I’m not at all impressed. Is that Miley Cyrus? What a dump!”

“A dump, huh? I don’t know, it looks pretty good to me. And I hear the food is excellent,” I say as I pick up the menu and look for something to eat.

Cleo sits back and sips her drink. “Order me something, stud. I hardly eat anyway. I have to maintain this figure after all.” Her skinny hand flows over her no curve body.

“Yeah, that’s a thing of miracles,” I say as I think about how it’s a miracle she’s alive.

Dark eyebrows arch up at me as she wags the half full glass at me. “Miracles? Now what you have going on is a miracle. But I’m sure you know that. What are the chances that after dinner you and I can play with each other for a little while? I bet I can make you scream!”

Oh! I know she would!!!

I smile and wag a finger at her. “Now, Cleo, behave yourself.”

“Never!” she says and takes the rest of the drink down in one gulp. She snaps her fingers. “Garcon, another please!”

The night creeps by as my fake date orders drink after drink and curls her nose up at the food placed in front of her. “This will never do! Who made this slop?”

I nearly fall on the floor and have to take in a deep breath. “Cleo, I don’t think that’s a real good idea.”

With a snap of her long fingers the waiter walks away. “I’ll get her, madam.”

Fuck me! He’s going to get her!

Cleo looks over at me and my plate of delicious chicken and snarls. “Don’t worry, lover. I’ll have the little imp who tortured your chicken fix that as well.”

“Mine’s fantastic, please don’t bring my food up to her.” I see Rachelle in all black, her hair pulled into a ponytail.

She walks up to Cleo without noticing me as Cleo stands up and turns to her. Cleo’s finger moves back and forth in Rachelle’s face before she can say a word, Cleo says, “So you think you know how to cook. Let me tell you that you do not! You have no business in that kitchen. The salad was bland, I took one bite and hated it. And how can you call that Salmon? That is Cod, bitch!”

Rachelle’s eyebrows go way up. “Mam, if you are indeed a mam, let me assure you that the fish on your plate is Salmon. It’s a pink color while Cod is white. But if you prefer, I will make you something else.”

Cleo’s long arm moves, and she points to me. “And my man’s chicken is raw.”

I most likely have a deer in the headlights expression on my face as Rachelle looks around Cleo and sees me. I smile and wave a little. Red covers her face and neck and what is showing of her arms. She looks back at Cleo. “Did you say your man?”

“I did,” Cleo says as her head bobs around. “So, how do you suppose you can fix this?”

“How could you?” Rachelle asks as she runs away.

How could I?

“What’s her problem?” Cleo asks. She sits down and I motion for the waiter to come over.

“Sir?” he asks.

I whisper in his ear. “Have a cab take this woman home and I’ll give you a thousand dollars. I swear.” I place a hundred-dollar bill in his palm and he looks at it then grins.

“Will do, sir.”

I give Cleo a smile. “Hey, I gotta go use the facilities.” I get up and she waves me away as she slurps down a lot more booze.

Rachelle barrels, if you can call what a tiny, five foot two woman doing barreling, out of the ladies’ room. Once her red-rimmed eyes catch mine, she turns on her heel and goes right back inside.

I stop outside the door. It’s been two weeks since she tossed me out of her apartment. Two weeks since I’ve seen her face. Two weeks since I’ve tasted her sweet kiss.

A woman walks out and I take her by the arm. “How many others are in there?” I ask in desperation.

“Only one,” she says as she looks me over. “I think she works here.”

“Good, thanks.” I let her go and run my hands over my white starched button up shirt and my black slacks.

To the left I crick my neck and place my hands on my waist. Then I repeat the process to my right and open the frosted glass door. My angel stands at the first sink and she has tears running over her pink cheeks.

My heart breaks into a million pieces and I hold my arms out. “Baby!”

Soapy water is thrown into my eyes and I’m blinded.

Rachelle

“Why would you bring another woman here, Blake?” I scream at him.

He wipes the soapy water out of his now red dimmed eyes. At least his now look like he’s been crying just like mine do. One hand he throws out and grabs my wrist.

“To see how you would react and you did a lot more than I thought you would do, Rachelle.” He tugs at me to move into his arms, but I hold my ground.

“That was cruel. You know it is and I just can’t believe you would do that to me,” I shriek at him.

His hand on my wrist is sending heat through me and I shake him off. He looks wounded as he looks at his hand. “Baby, please stop this.”

I turn to walk out of the ladies’ restroom and his hand lands on my shoulder, spinning me back to him. My hand flies out and lands on his tight stomach. My insides turn to mush in an instant.

Though I’m furious at him my damn body falls into his. His arm runs around my shoulder, pulling me tighter to him. His soft lips touch the top of my head and I start to quake inside.

With a little groan, I run my hand over his pecs and abs and my knees go weak. “Blake, I…” I stop my mouth from saying what it wants to.

“What do you want, Rachelle? I’ll give you anything you want.” His hands roam all over my back and through my ponytail.

Sweet kisses he pecks on top of my head and then I look up and he peepers my face with them. “You,” I say and he picks me up and walks forward until my back is against the frosted glass of the door.

He presses into me as he moves his lips to cover mine and I’m lost. I can’t struggle any longer. I need him. I need him to take me this way. I guess I always will.

My breasts mash against his hard pecs as his tongue swirls over mine. I cup the back of his head to make him kiss me harder. My other hand pulls at the buttons on his shirt. I have to have my hand on his silky, soft skin which flows over the rock hard muscles he’s hiding under the shirt.

I melt as my palm touches the first pec. My stomach tightens and I moan with how wonderful it feels. His hands fidget with his pants and I can feel his hard cock as he pulls it out and presses it to me.

He pushes my pants down in the front and moves my panties to the side and I wrap my legs around him. His massive hard on slides into me achingly slow and it takes my breath away as it does.

My lips quiver and I pull my mouth from his. Our foreheads touch and our eyes meet as he moves into and out of me slowly. His mouth moves as he says, “I love you, Rachelle.”

Tears fall over my cheeks and I want to return his words, but I can’t make myself do it. He’s too dangerous to me. Look what he has me doing in the restroom of where I work!

“Harder,” I whisper.

“As you wish,” he says then pulls back and pounds into me. Over and over he pounds into me until I can take no more and shatter around him.

“Blake,” I breathe out his name as I find the orgasm that’s waited for him to bring it on.

“Rachelle,” he says in a hoarse whisper. “Baby, I love you.”

He stiffens and groans as he releases his hot juices into me. My body shakes as it knows he has to let me go and it doesn’t want that at all. My feet hit the floor when he releases me.

With a step back he fixes his clothes as I fix mine and we walk to the sink to wash our hands. He fixes my ponytail which was knocked askew as he pressed me to the door.

“When do you get off?” he asks as he runs his hands through my hair, combing it down to straighten the little rogue hairs.

“Ten, why?” I ask as I dry my hands.

“Why?” His blue, brown eyes dance as he smiles at me in the mirror. “Because I want to spend the night with you, duh! I can pick you up and take you to my hotel room. It’s a sweet set up and there’s room service for breakfast in the morning. They make fantastic crepes. I’m sure yours are much better, but theirs are pretty great.”

I turn and stare up at him with my mouth slightly open. “Blake, this.” I gesture around the ladies’ room. “What happened doesn’t mean we’re back together.”

Now his jaw drops and his hands grip my wrists. “Damn it, Rachelle. You’re treating me like a piece of shit. I didn’t fuck you in the God Damned Ladies’ room. I made love to your stubborn ass. You can’t just brush me off like some hard dick that had to have a taste of your sweet pussy. That’s a horrible way to treat someone who loves your crazy ass!”

“Crazy? So you still think I’m crazy?” I say with a control I don’t exactly feel. “Did Peyton tell you I’ve been talking to someone, because if she did I may have to strangle her?”

“Talking to someone?” Confusion fills his handsome face. “Who? Who the hell are you talking to? And why would you? You can talk to me anytime you want to.”

Oh! He doesn’t know I’ve been talking to a therapist!

“Don’t worry about it, Blake. Now let me go. I have work to get back to. I’m surprised they haven’t sent someone looking for me yet.” I struggle to make him let me go and he finally does.

I look at my wrists to find them red where he held them so tightly. I hold them up so he can see what he did to me. “Look, control freak!”

“Oh my God. Baby, I’m so sorry,” he says as he wraps me in his arms.

He smells so fucking good that I have to stop inhaling in order to keep my wits about me. “Let me go, please.”

Reluctantly he releases me. His hand takes my chin, and he makes me look at him. “I will be outside at ten when you get off. We need to talk. I’m not about to let you go. So whoever you’re talking to, let them know you have a man who’s not afraid to fight for what he wants. And I mean that both physically and mentally, baby.”

Letting my chin go, he tweaks my nose and turns, walking out of the ladies’ room and leaving me with my mouth agape.

He’d actually fight for me!

Blake

The parking lot is dark as I parked near the back. I’m afraid if Rachelle sees me out here she won’t come out and I need her to talk to me. A crack of light I see as a door at the back opens and someone peeks out then turns back and Rachelle looks out then comes walking out.

I let her get to her car and then I follow her from a safe distance behind. The plan was to go to her apartment and wait for her, but then I thought she might not go back there, thinking I’d be waiting for her.

And the answer is, yes. I know I’m being a complete stalker!

But my intentions are good. I’m not going to hurt her or make her do anything she doesn’t want to. Except talk to me. I am going to attempt to get her to talk to me.

She pulls into the parking spot in front of her apartment and I know I have to park and move fast to get her to let me inside. I park and lock the doors manually so she doesn’t hear the beep and turn around and spot me.

In silence, I jog up behind her as she unlocks the door and as the door opens I place my hand on the small of her back. She jerks around and punches me in the stomach then kicks me in the shin.

“Ow!” I yell.

“Oh, God! Blake, I’m sorry. I thought you were a killer or a crazy person!”

Her hands run over my head as I bed over and try to catch my breath. She knocked the wind out of me, the little thing.

“I can’t believe how quick and strong you are,” I manage to get out.

She pulls at me to go inside and I stumble in and drop to the sofa. I rub the place on my shin she kicked me and she pushes up my pants leg, revealing a blueish mark.

Turning from me, she goes to the kitchen. “I’m really sorry. I’ll get an ice pack for that. You shouldn’t have snuck up on me though.”

“I didn’t know if you would let me in and we need to talk, you and I. Whoever else you feel you can talk to, whoever he is, may be after more than you realize.”

Rachelle comes back and takes my shoes off then turns me around to lie on the sofa. She runs to her bedroom, coming back out with a pillow and props it behind my head. She sits down and pulls my legs over her lap and places the ice pack on my bruised shin.

“There’s no guy that I’m talking to, Blake. The truth is Peyton has this friend, a woman, she’s a therapist and I’ve talked to her a little. Not a whole lot as I’m not really comfortable with her yet.” She picks up the ice pack and runs her hand over the bruise.

“Your hand feels a lot better than the ice pack, if you really want to make it feel better,” I say with a grin.

With a smile she keeps running her hand over it. “I really am sorry I hurt you.”

“In which way?” I ask. “Because you’ve hurt me both ways now. Physically and mentally.”

“But how?” she asks and her brows furrow so I know she really doesn’t get it. “How could I mentally hurt such a perfect man? You could have anyone you want. So if I feel like I’m not enough for you, what’s stopping you from moving on to the next girl?”

“I don’t want the next girl, I want you.” I look deep into her blue eyes and my heart hurts for how she thinks so little of herself. “You are the perfect girl for me, Rachelle.”

She shakes her head and looks away. “I’m not a perfect anything. See, that’s part of the thing about you I can’t take. It seems to me you’re putting me up on a pedestal. I will fall off that and you will see me for what I am, a flawed person.”

“We’re all flawed, baby. Every last one of us have flaws. I’m not putting you up on a pedestal. I only want you to see the value in yourself. It seems to me you’re always seeing the value in others, but never yourself.” I lean up to run my hand over her shoulder but the look she gives me makes me change my mind and I lean back.

“Blake, you’re perfect. Your face is perfect. Your body is perfect. You’re the perfect height and your voice is perfectly deep and wonderful. You smell great all the time. I mean all the time. Even after making love and sweating, you smell magnificent. I wreak like an old sneaker the dog chewed on then was left out in the rain then drug through some cat poop.”

“Wow!” I just look at her with my eyes wide. “I mean, wow! Rachelle, come on. You know that’s not true. You smell great all the time. It’s me who stinks to high Heavens after I sweat.”

She shakes her head. “And what about how you wake up and your hair looks perfect? Mine’s everywhere, and yours looks fantastic. You could literally climb out of bed, throw on anything and walk out the door. Woman would still throw themselves at your feet.”

“I think it’s adorable how your hair is when you wake up. It’s a little here and there and floats around your sweet, little face like a dark halo.” I run my foot over her thigh and she sighs.

“You’re perfectly sweet too, Blake. I don’t know why you would even want to pursue this with me. I’m distant and moody. I don’t deserve you. And to be honest, you make me feel even more inadequate than I do most of the time.” Her brow furrows as she looks at my leg and runs her soft hand over it. “That’s why I prefer to be alone. That way I don’t have to compare myself to anyone all the time.”

“I don’t know why you would anyway.” I lean up and run my hand over her shoulder. She looks at my hand and looks away. “You are you, I am me. We shouldn’t compare ourselves anyway.”

“Easy for you to say, Mr. Perfect,” she says with a scowl.

“Tell you what,” I lean back and say. “I’ll get fat and cut my hair off and eat a lot of greasy foods so I can get bad skin. Then will you give me a shot?”

She laughs. “You better not do that, but it’s a sweet thing to say.”

“On another note, have you found out what kind of grades you made on your finals?” I ask and see a little smile run over her face.

She nods and looks at me. “I made high scores on every one of them. And in my baking class, my teacher put my recipe for ‘Tara’misu in a contest and it won first place. I received a trophy which she’s displaying in her classroom and a check for five hundred dollars.”

“Wow! Mom would be so proud. I mean to say, I bet Mom’s so proud! She’d absolutely love that if she were still around.” I look up and smile. “Isn’t she fantastic, Mom?”

Rachelle smacks my thigh and giggles. “Does she ever talk back, Blake?”

“Sometimes, in my dreams,” I say with a grin.

“Her and Dad both tell me things in my dreams on occasion. For instance, they told me you’re the one for me, Rachelle.”

She shakes her head and smiles. “Don’t even talk like that, Blake. People will think you’re crazy.”

“Let, ‘em!” I say with a laugh. “What the hell do I care what anyone thinks? You’re really the only person in this world whose opinion of me matters. I mean that too.”

Her blue eyes twinkle as she looks at me. “Are you being serious?”

“I am. Rachelle, I see you like a bright star in a dark night sky. You see, I was lonely but didn’t realize it until I laid eyes on you. I thought I was perfectly happy doing what it was I was doing. Playing video games all night, working out most of the day and chilling.”

She laughs. “Damn it, Blake. That sounds awesome. No worries at all.”

“I thought so. I won that money and quit college. I thought what do I need an education for? I have more money than I can spend in a lifetime. I said to myself, ‘take it easy’ and so I did.” As I pull my legs off her lap, I sit up next to her and run my arm around the back of the sofa behind her, careful not to touch her.

“And you liked it, right?” she asks as she fidgets with the hem of her black shirt.

“I did. It was enough until I saw you. Until I touched you. Until I loved you.” I wait and let my words sink in.

She looks up at me with tears in her eyes. “Blake, why do you continue to let me know you love me when I’ve never returned the sentiment?”

I touch the tip of her little nose. “Because I want you to know how I feel. And I can wait for you to tell me the words. I do long to hear them come out of those rosy, red lips, but I can wait until you know you mean them.”

She takes in a deep breath and lets out a long sigh. “See, you’re perfect and here I am looking a gift horse in the mouth. The intense way I want you has me afraid. I can’t really handle it. My body has never overruled my mind before. I kinda hate it.”

“So tell me what your mind is telling you to do,” I say and let my hand touch her opposite shoulder. Heat fills me with just the touch and I see her look at my hand and a shudder runs through her.

“My mind is telling me that you will hurt me. My mind is saying that I could fall so hard in love with you that it would change who I am.” Her face goes pink as she’s embarrassed she let me know that much.

“Change is inevitable. We all change, baby. Why do you think you need to fight it?” I press my hand to her shoulder a little, and the heat that’s running through me starts to make my pulse go faster.

“I’m okay with life the way it is now. Can I be really honest with you?” She turns and looks at me.

“I hope so. It’s all I want from you.”

“Why can’t we just be friends with awesome benefits? Every once in a while you come to me and make me feel special and wonderful then you go on about your life as if I’m not your entire world. And I can do the same.” She smiles and I die a little inside.

My head shakes and I groan with the information she wants me for sex and nothing else. “How can you even lie to yourself and say all we have is great sex? I mean really, Rachelle. Has anything we’ve done felt cheap to you? Has any way I’ve touched you felt like that’s all I want?”

“No. As a matter of fact I feel you want it all. The whole thing. The life, the love, the happiness. The crazy part of that is you think that’s something I’m able to give you. I’m not.” She drops her head.

“So, you can’t give me your heart? That’s what you’re telling me. The thing I want is your heart and you can’t give it to me.” My mind spins in a horrible circle as I try to process what she’s said.

“Blake, I don’t feel I have it to give.” Her voice goes sad and weak, terribly weak. “I don’t think I have a whole heart to give anyone. See, you’re right about me having issues. The way my mother left me, took a piece of my heart, my soul. I’m not a whole person and may never be. I can pretend for a little while I have it in me to be someone’s true love, but the reality is I don’t.”

“She took so much from you,” I say in a whisper. “You're magnificent and she took the ability for you to see that in yourself away when she dumped you like an animal unworthy of her love. I could kill her and never feel bad about it.”

“Don’t say that, please.” She wraps her arms around herself. “She’s a weak person and not capable of love herself. I can’t fault her. I can’t blame her. It’s just what life had in store for me. When I was sixteen she came to Christmas, and I asked her who my father was.”

“So you know who your father is? We should find him,” I say.

“No, she said she didn’t know who he was. She was drunk most of the time and slept with random men. Many she didn’t even know their names. She said she never wanted to pin me on anyone anyway. It was her burden to bear and hers alone. She found me too much of a burden and had to leave me at that children’s home.”

I hold in what I want to say as she obviously thinks she’s forgiven her mother for her awful deed. I rub her shoulder though and try to comfort her though she thinks she needs none.

“So, no father. Okay. Well, what about your mother now? I mean she’s alive and what’s stopping you two from finding a relationship now?” I ask.

“She still drinks too much for me to be able to stand to be around her. The last time I saw her was two years ago. By ten in the morning she was stumbling drunk and still held a bottle of cheap Vodka in her shaking hand. I’m not sure why she has to stay so drunk all the time. But I’m sure it has a lot to do with the men she lets into her life.”

“Tell me about some of the men you let into your life, baby.” I don’t really want to know, but she needs to see she lives a parallel life to her mother’s and maybe if she talks about it, she’ll realize it.

“You really don’t want to know about any of them. Some were a little mean and others a little abusive. And all saw fit to stop seeing me with no explanation what-so-ever.” She shakes her head, slowly. “And you will too.”

“Are you positive that all of them broke it off with you? Because I’d like to know how you think it went with us. I mean how do you look at the way you and I parted ways?”

“I stopped it before it had a real chance to start.” She wraps her arms tighter around herself. “I don’t feel like what you and I had was a relationship. At that point it hadn’t begun yet.”

“I told you I loved you, but you felt it hadn’t begun. Okay, Rachelle, do you see how that’s anything but true?” I tap her shoulder with my finger and she looks at it.

“Well, not exactly. I mean, I hadn’t said it to you and we hadn’t talked about it, not really.”

I let out a huff and have to wonder if she’s got it in her to love anyone. Something in me says I need to help her and I’ll be rewarded in the end, but my self-preservation says to run like hell.

“Okay, so how did you and the last guy you dated break up? Really dig deep, Rachelle.”

After a few minutes of her silently contemplating, she says, “He took me to dinner with his parents. I was quiet, like I always am when I meet new people. Afterwards when he was taking me back home to my apartment he got on to me. He told me his parents thought I was rude. I told him that I couldn’t change a thing about how I am. He just didn’t call or come around after that.”

“And you feel like he dumped you?” I ask as she has to be in denial about so many things.

She looks at me like I’m crazy. “Well, yeah. I mean he stopped calling or coming around, didn’t he?”

“Did you attempt to get in contact with him?”

“No. That’s not my job, is it? I mean, if he liked me, he’d make the attempt, right?” she asks as her face goes all quizzical.

“Did you like him?” I ask.

“Kind of. I mean, he was okay. He did a few things I didn’t like. He was possessive and controlling. He tried to make me do things I didn’t want to. Eat some things I didn’t want to.” She makes a disgusted face at some memory this conversation has conjured up in her mind.

“Tell me about it.”

“Little, squirmy things at a Chinese restaurant. He yelled at me when I refused to eat a bite of the crap. And in bed, not that you want to hear this, but he was demanding and I don’t like to be made to do things. I like to make up my own mind about doing certain things and he made me feel like I owed it to him to do some things. It made me feel cheap.”

The fucking bastard! I shouldn’t have even asked. My hand goes into a fist and I have to take in a deep breath. “That is exactly why you need me in your life, baby. I’ll make sure that kind of thing never happens to you again.”

She looks up at me and her arms unfold. Her hand runs over my cheek and her eyes go vulnerable as she gazes at me. “I know you would be the best thing for me. It’s me who isn’t the best thing for you, Blake. Try to understand that I’m doing this for you.”

I take her hand and kiss her fingertips. “Please, Rachelle. Just let me love you. Let me be the person who helps you. I’m begging you to let me in.”

Her lips quiver and I lean in and place mine on hers, trying to take all her pain and insecurities away with my kiss, with my love. Her arms go slowly around my neck and she kisses me back.

Saltiness invades our kiss as she cries silently. The hurt in her is so deep that the truth is I may not be able to get her to get past it. But I have to try.

Lord knows I have to try!

Rachelle

Blake holds me as we lie on the sofa and he kisses me gently. His body is over mine and the comfort it brings me should fill me with happiness, instead it fills me with dread.

I dread when this will end, which it surely will. He’s pointed out that it’s me who has stopped at least one of my relationships. All this time I thought it was always the men I was involved with. But he’s right, at least once, it was me.

With no idea of when I’m doing the destructive things I do, how can I pull him into my fucked up life?

He’s perfect, and sweet. His happy-go-lucky attitude is bright and cheery and I would only make a black spot in his beautiful demeanor. He doesn’t deserve that.

As hard as it is to admit, I belong with men who are just as messed up as I am. Jack asses who can’t commit, just like me. People who can’t give all of themselves because they don’t have it to give.

Blake is a knight in shining armor, a real live prince. I’m not the princess he deserves. I’m the maid, the person who cooks and cleans. I’m beneath him in so many ways.

I cannot let him think about me anymore. It’s time to do what I do best and run him off. I push at his chest and he releases my lips. My body is aching for him but I can’t allow that to happen again.

“I need you to leave, Blake.”

Hurt fills his beautiful eyes and I can hardly stand it.

“But, Rachelle, baby, please don’t do this.”

I press harder and he sits up. “I can’t do this. I can’t live a lie. I can hurt you now or later. I don’t feel it’s right to lead you on any longer. Whatever this is, it’s over now.”

His face goes pale, and he looks away from me and reaches down to put his shoes back on. “You know what, Rachelle? You’re right! It is over! You’re too far gone. Hard to believe at a mere twenty-one-years that you’re too far gone, but you are.”

“You don’t have to be mean,” I say with a quiver to my voice. “I’m not trying to be mean to you after all. I’m saving you from a hurt worse than this one. I’m doing it because of much I do care for you.”

A loud huffing sound he makes, and he stands up after putting his shoes on. “Thanks for the favor, doll. Thanks for the good times. I’ll leave you the hell alone like you think you want!”

I look down and can’t help but thinking I’m making a mistake, a horrible mistake. “Blake, I hope you can understand one day. I’m a person who doesn’t have what you’re looking for, what you deserve.”

His cheeks are red and his eyes have more pain in them than I meant for there to be. “I deserve you. I can be the other half of you and you can be the other half of me. You and I are meant to be, Rachelle. And how dare you take the chance we’ve been given away. All on your own! But you have and I guess there is really no more to say.”

I follow him to the door and fight myself not to tell him I’m an idiot and I’m sorry and that he should stay, like forever or something. “Blake, I really am sorry it has to be this way. This hurts me….”

He interrupts me as he puts his hand in my face. “Don’t, Rachelle. Don’t you dare say this hurts you worse than it hurts me because it clearly doesn’t. If it hurt you as bad as it’s killing me, you’d never do it. I’d never do what you’re doing to me, to anyone. Not my worst enemy, Rachelle. Goodbye, forever!”

The door slams behind him and I fall against it as I lock it and find I’m sobbing.

What have I done?

Part 4 Luck in Love

Rachelle

Kicking my bare feet in the warm water of Peyton and Kip’s heated swimming pool I lean back on my palms and look up at the sun through my dark sunglasses.

Peyton pulls Pax around in a little inflatable dragon float and he splashes away at the water and kicks his little feet. She looks at me and sighs. “So that’s it then? No more Blake. I really liked the guy, Shelly.”

“Me too, that’s what the problem was. And the fact he liked me so much. I mean what the hell’s wrong with the guy?” I kick at the water and frown.

A laugh comes from Peyton and she splashes me. “So you think there’s something wrong with him because he likes you? Now tell me why there would need to be something wrong with someone if they like you. I mean, I like you. Is there something wrong with me?”

“No, it’s different with you. I mean, it’s not a romantic relationship. It’s hard to explain, Peyton. It’s like he’s going to need more than I have to give, you know?”

She laughs. “Damn! What’s the guy gotta have you don’t have? Three boobs on a woman?”

Pax says, “Damn, damn, damn.” As he floats around and Peyton slaps a hand over her mouth. “Boobs, ha. Boobs,”

A laugh escapes me and I quickly apologize. “Sorry, it’s just that it sounds so cute coming out of a baby’s mouth. I know I’m wrong though.”

“Kip is going to be so mad at me. I’m always on his bobo to watch his mouth and here I’ve taught the baby three bad words in as many days.” She frowns.

“Hey, let me let you in on a little secret. Kip taught him the word, damn, a little while ago. I overheard him when he had Pax and was making him a bottle. He must’ve spilled something, and he said the word. Pax quickly copied him, so it’s not your fault, entirely anyway.”

“Good,” she says as she cheers up. “So this little thing that just happened can remain between us then?”

I give her a nod and lie back on the concrete. “Why does everything have to be so complicated, Peyton? Why did I feel so much jealousy when I saw him with that woman?”

“I suppose life would be no fun if it all went right constantly.”

The sound of someone walking fills my head as the concrete makes the noise travel through my head. Kip’s face looms over me and he smiles. “Hey, sunshine. I’m about to bar-b-que. You planning on hanging out with us? Peyton wants to have a fun evening.”

“What is it you want me to make, Kip?” I ask, knowing he wants me to make something, he always does.

The man wants me to come to work for them as their chef, but I know he’d overpay me and I’m not having any of that.

“How about the spinach, artichoke dip I love so much and for dessert that thing you made for your finals? You told Peyton you won a contest or something.” He looks intently at me and I have a feeling he knows damn well that dessert recipe was named after Blake’s mother.

“Fine, I’ll make a list of the ingredients I’ll need.” I sit up and he takes a step back.

Out of his pocket he pulls a little pad of paper and a pencil. “Thought you might say yes. And jot down what alcoholic beverage you might like to drink. I’m making pork ribs, if that has anything to do with what you wish to drink.”

“You’re staying here tonight then, Shelly. Do you hear me?” Peyton bosses like a big sister.

“Yes, Mom,” I say with a laugh. “Staying at your house is like staying in a five-star hotel. You’ll never hear me complaining about your invitations.”

Kip squats down and touches the tip of my nose, drawing my attention to him. “You know, if you’d take our offer to be our personal chef you’d have a permanent place here. The apartment for the chef is three times the size of the one you live in now and its part of the salary. No bills, Rachelle. Only money, money, money for all your hard work.”

“You really should think about it, Shelly,” Peyton says as she splashes a little water at me. “Plus, you’d get paid for all the things we ask you to make for us, instead of doing it for free.”

Kip gives my arm a little punch. “Maybe if I throw in a car? Would that tip the scales in our favor?”

I wag my finger at him. “See, that’s why right there! That’s why I don’t take your offer. You’ll pay me far more than is right and give me thing after thing. You’re both too good of friends and I’d never take advantage of that fact. So I’ll continue to make you foods free of charge. You buy all the ingredients anyway, and I always eat some too.”

“One day we’ll get you,” Kip says with a laugh.

I hand him my list. “I really do appreciate the offer. Please don’t think I don’t.”

“I know, sweetheart,” he says then turns to Peyton. “And what is Mummy having to drink this evening?”

She gives him a naughty look then smiles. “Surprise me.”

When he turns back to me his cheeks are red. “She’s such an evil temptress, that one. Damn glad I married her.”

I laugh and he gives me a million-dollar smile then walks away. Kicking a little water at Peyton to make her look at me instead of watching her hunky husband walking away, I say, “I can’t believe you thought at one time that you didn’t need him. You need him like the crops need rain.”

“I do,” she says with a sigh. “If I ever lost him it would kill me.” She shakes her head to clear it. “I try never to think about that. But it creeps up in my mind now and again. I love that man with everything in me.”

I smile. “And he loves you the same way.”

Pulling my knees up, I wrap my arms around them and wonder why I can’t be as free as they are. Peyton’s soft hand runs over my foot. “It wasn’t always this easy for us, either.”

“Yes, I know. It was I who found you crying at the airport that fateful day. I’m well aware of what all it took to find what you guys have.” I close my eyes and internally berate myself for my stupidity.

“Have you tried to call him or anything?” she asks.

I shake my head. “It’s best to let him go. He’s not what I deserve. I may call that jackass friend of Kips’ though. Is Bobby busy, do you know?”

“You missed that boat. He’s all hooked up with the nurse he met when Pax was born. And he’s surprisingly turned away from the jackass nature he had before he found her. He only calls me Yoko every now and again instead of all the time.” She laughs and I sigh.

“So tell Kip to find me another asshole then.”

Peyton shakes her head. “No, Mam! No more of those for you!”

Then I’ll just stay alone. Alone is good, no one can get hurt when they stay alone!

Kip

“Hey, mate! What ya up to on this lovely, Saturday evening?” I ask Blake over the phone as I make my way to the store to get things for our bar-b-que.

His voice is threaded with a tired sound I’ve never heard in it before. “Not a damn thing. Thinking about going back to Lubbock.”

“Then you must come this evening. Stay the night with us. I’m making a bar-b-que and won’t take no for an answer. Tell me what your poison is on this night and I shall pick it up for you.”

“Beer, lots of beer. Not that crap that keeps you trim either. Some full flavored shit that will fuck me up. I need to get my head all the way messed up.”

“Bloke, you sound depressed and that’s not like you. I’ll get you some beer and a couple of shrimp to toss on the barbie as well. How ‘bout that?” I ask.

“Sure, thanks. I’ll go over there in a little while. I do have to warn you I’m awful company though. But I’d hate to leave town without giving you and your family a visit. You guys are great. Goodbye.”

He hangs up before I can tell him Rachelle will be there.

Oh well, let’s just see what happens then!

Rachelle

“Crap, Peyton! Another shot! No!” I shout at her.

“Come on, girl. It’s not every night I get a night away from Paxxie Poo. Kips’ parents have him for the night and you and I are going to have some fun!” Peyton tosses down her second shot of Patron and hands me mine.

I take it and then we climb to the top of the waterfall and jump off as we hold hands and laugh like crazy people. When we come up all we hear is Kip blasting music as he shakes his ass and grills some meat.

“Whew!” Peyton shouts as we go up the stairs out of the swimming pool. “Shake it baby!”

We giggle and she pulls me to the pool house. A large pool table is inside and she hiccups then says, “Wanna play some pool? I have to warn you I’m very good at it.”

I pull at my blue bikini top to straighten out my breasts as the jump knocked them out of place. “Sure, but I have great beginner’s luck so chances are I’ll beat you even though I really have no idea of what I’m doing.”

“Is that a challenge, little girl?” she asks with arched eyebrows.

I arch mine right back. “It is, Big Momma!”

She leaves the double doors to the large room just off the side of the pool open. The breeze flows through them and she takes me to a rack of the long sticks you use to play pool with.

“This one is mine,” she says as she pulls one down. She hands me one. “This is a pretty good one.”

Kip jogs in and places a couple of drinks down on a small table at the side. “I get to play the winner.”

“Are those for us, babe?” Peyton asks as she points to the beers.

“Nope.” He tosses his head and gestures behind him. “He has you and Rachelle’s drinks.”

I look past him and around the corner Blake comes. His eyes meet mine and he looks down. I look at Peyton and she shrugs.

With a pout I turn away and walk back to the pool table. He doesn’t seem to be trying to talk to me so I’ll ignore him.

Damn, match-maker, Kip!

Blake

Damn, Kip!

I try not to watch Rachelle as she plays pool with Peyton and both are in skimpy-ass bikinis. A long drink I take of the beer Kip brought me and look into his eyes.

He grins. “Ignore her, mate.”

“How!” I hiss. She can’t hear us as the music is playing at a near deafening level. “She’s practically naked!”

With a chuckle, he says, “I know. That shit will go all over her when you act like she doesn’t exist.”

“I’m not into playing games. She wants nothing to do with me.” I take another drink of the beer and will it to hurry up and affect me.

“I overheard a bit of the girl’s earlier conversation. It’s not that she wants nothing to do with you, it’s her hang-ups. Just act as if she’s not even here and see what happens. If nothing else, you get a little closure to help you get on with your life.” He taps his long neck bottle to mine and smiles at me with that Kip Dixon, million-dollar smile.

Rachelle

“How could he, Peyton?” I hiss across the pool table at her.

“I know. I’ll get all over his ass later on. And then I’ll get all over his ass,” she says with a grin. “Just play along like you don’t care.”

I do care though. Seeing his handsome face is killing me. I’m second guessing everything. I want him. I want his hands on me. I want his lips on me. I can’t see him and not want him.

She takes a shot and I brush up against her as I walk around the table and whisper in her ear. “What if I want him back? What should I do?”

A quizzical look covers her face. “Do you want him back? It’s only been a day.”

“I was wrong. I can see that now. I was stupid to think I could go on without him. I want him back.” I look his way and he’s looking at Kip as they talk and touch their beer bottles together.

“Then that’s easy. Tell him that,” Peyton says and puts her arm around me. “I’m sure he’s looking at you when he thinks you’re not looking. Lean way over and take this next shot. Elongate that little body of yours and I’ll keep an eye on him and tell you how he reacts.”

I do as she says and make a sideways glance to see if he’s looking. He isn’t, and I hit the ball all crazy and it makes three other balls go in the pockets.

“Damn!” Peyton shouts. The men both look at her.

I ask, “What?”

She points at the table and says. “You won, Shelly! You’re right. You do have beginner’s luck. But, we’ll see if you can keep it up. Kip’s next, and he’s really great too.”

Kip hops up and jogs over to the table. He turns back just before he gets here and points at Blake. “You’re playing the winner, mate.”

Blake nods and goes back to drinking his beer and looking at his phone. Peyton goes to sit across from him and starts talking away to him. Kip smacks me on the ass and I turn to look at him as I rub it.

“Ow!” I say. “So, what am I, stripes or solids? Cause I didn’t even know last time.”

Kip howls with laughter. “Oh, baby!” He shouts at Peyton. “She beat you without even knowing what the hell balls she was supposed to be hitting in. You must be way off your game.”

She shoots the finger at him and yells at me. “Kick his ass Rachelle!”

“Okay, I’ll try,” I yell back over the loud music. Then I say to myself. “I don’t know how I did it while ago, but I’ll try.”

Kip racks up the balls then goes and pours two shots of Patron and comes back to me. “We need to even up the playing field and seeing as you’re so damn good, we each have to take a shot.”

He intertwines our arms then places a shot in each of our hands. Our faces are really close and I glance sideways, noticing neither Blake nor Peyton is paying a bit of attention to us. I take the drink in one gulp and hand the glass back to Kip.

“Get ready to get your ass handed to you, rock star,” I say then wipe my mouth with the back of my hand.

“Whew!” Peyton shouts. “She’s about to burst your bubble, Pop Rock!”

He bows and says, “Please, make the starting shot, princess.”

I break the balls up and look back at him for what’s next. “So what am I this time?”

“Whatever you want,” he says as he looks astonished. “You got four of each sunk.”

“I pick the stripped ones them. I think they’re prettier,” I say and step back and lean on the long pool stick. My eyes dart to Blake and he’s playing with his phone.

I want to win this round so bad so he has to play with me. I take every shot I can with my back to him and lean way over so my ass shoots out. But I never catch him looking at me.

Kip laughs as he sees what I’m doing and he goads me. “Don’t even try, love. He’s moved on. He’s doing as you wished after all. Leaving you alone, moving on and such.” He passes me on his way to the other side of the table and lands another hard slap on my ass.

“Hey! Cut that out!” I shout and look again to see if Blake is looking. Surely he has to be wondering what I’m yelling about. But nope he’s talking to Peyton.

Three more shots and Kip shouts, “Un-fucking believable! She won!”

I jump up and down and scream, “Yes!!! Ha, in your face, Kip.” I dance over to him and smack him on the ass.

“Beginner’s luck is all it is, Shelly. You really are a clueless player,” he says then walks to the table and pours two more shots.

He walks back up and places one in my hand and gestures for Blake to come to us. I bite my lip as I’m pretty sure he’s going to have me and Blake intertwine our hands like he and I did.

“Here, mate. Wrap your arm around hers and take your shots,” Kip directs and Blake follows the command.

Only Blake doesn’t look at me as we take the shots so close to one another. He unwinds his arm from mine and hands Kip the glass. “Let me show you two how to stomp beginner’s luck’s ass.”

Kip and Peyton make little ewwwing sounds and I frown. “Good luck.”

“Don’t need it,” he says without looking at me.

Blake.

He racks up the balls and breaks them himself. I see he’s not into being gentlemanly with me right now. He makes in two solid balls so I can safely assume those are his to get in. He takes shot after shot and gets his in every time. Then he misses and I jump up and down.

“My turn!” I walk quickly to set up the shot and he steps back and rubs some blue stuff on the tip of his pool stick. I look over and hold my hand out for him to give me some. “I need some of that. I haven’t even put any of that stuff on mine yet.”

He drops it in my hand and says, “It’s not gonna help, but go ahead.”

I’m determined to make him look at me, so I lean way over and Kip lets out a wolf whistle and I see Peyton smack him. But Blake looks at them, not me.

I take the shot and three of mine go in somehow. I really have no idea how it’s happening.

“Wow!” Peyton says. “Would you look at that, Blake?”

He yawns and goes over to the table and picks up his beer and takes a drink. I make another shot and miss everything.

I step back and he comes back and sizes up the next shot and just before he gets into place I lean into him. “Good luck.”

He hits the little white ball and one of his goes in followed by it. “Scratch!” Peyton shouts as she jumps up and down. “Your turn, Shellie.”

Kip puts his arm around her. “Stop jumping up and down. Damn, love!”

She turns red and stops bouncing all of her goodies.

I see my next shot and take it, sending the ball down the hole and line up my next one. I take the long way around so I have to pass by Blake. He steps back and gives me plenty of room.

I take the shot and miss and he laughs. “Looks like the beginner’s luck is fading fast.”

He makes several shots, getting down to his last ball. I lean on my stick and watch as the last one goes down the hole and he turns and high fives Kip. “You won!” Kip shouts.

The two walk off as Kip claps Blake on the shoulder. Peyton walks up to me. “Good game, Shellie!” She puts a beer in my hand. “Let’s go eat.”

Blake

Finally, Rachelle has seen fit to put on a little cover-up over the barely-there bikini. Sure, it’s nearly see through, but it’s better than nothing. My shorts have been very uncomfortable this entire evening.

The girl is trying desperately to get my attention, but I’m not going down that path again. She’s like Lucy with the football and I’m Charlie Brown. She entices me until I give in then yanks it all away.

No more for me thanks!

I’m no dim-wit. Peyton reaches over and puts a dollop of something on the edge of my plate. “You have to taste this, Blake. It’s an award winning recipe of Shellie’s.”

It’s the dessert that she named after my mother. I take a bite and want to cry. It’s delicious and well thought out and she was a saint to even think of it. But she’s no saint.

No, she’s mean and evil and will hurt me if I ever give her another chance to. Peyton looks at me. “What do you think?”

“Needs something else,” I say and mentally say to myself, ‘love.’

That’s what it needs, love and joy. Maybe a little happiness. Lord knows Rachelle needs some of that in her life. But will she allow it to happen?

NO!

And in the process of her denying herself any of those things, she is denying me them as well. Heartless, little….

“I have to see a man about a dog,” I say and get up and leave the table, taking my plate with me.

After an eternity in the bathroom trying to gain control over my emotions I go out and find Rachelle in the kitchen. Dancing away to music as she rinses dishes and puts them in the dishwasher. She turns and sees me and I look away.

“I caught you,” she says with a giggle. “I finally caught you, Blake.”

I try to walk away without saying a word and suddenly she’s in front of me. Little, hot body glowing as a thin sheen of sweat covers it. Her hand touches my stomach as she tries to stop my hasty retreat.

“Hey, let’s talk,” she says in a sultry voice.

“No, you said all I needed to hear last night. Just to let you know. I don’t want to be your friend.” I try to walk past her.

“I don’t want that either,” she says and I stop and look at her.

“Then why bother me?” I glare at her. “Why do this to me? God knows you don’t want anything else from me. Just leave me alone, Rachelle. Shit!”

I throw my hands up in the air and she steps out of my way. I walk away and turn back to see her head hanging low.

Well, what does the girl expect?

She moves towards the sink again then turns and runs off towards the bedroom I know she always stays in when she comes here. I hesitate. My feet start moving in the direction she went and I try like hell to stop them.

I catch up to her just before she walks into the bedroom. “Hey, Lucy,” I say in a whisper as I walk up behind her. “It’s me, your Charlie Brown. I’m here so you can yank the football away again and leave me on my dumb ass.”

She turns and wraps her arms around me. She sobs into my chest. Something she mumbles against me and I push her back and touch her chin, making her look up at me.

“Say that again,” I say as I look into her teary, blue eyes.

Her little, red lips quiver then she says, “I said, I love you, Blake.”

Holy shit! Now what am I supposed to do?

Rachelle

“Say something,” I say as I look at Blake and his handsome face is blank. “Please, say something, Blake.”

“Rachelle, don’t say it if you don’t truly mean it. Please, you have no idea of how hurt I already am. If you take it back, I may never get over it. So please, just tell me to walk away and leave you alone if you don’t mean it.”

I search his blue, brown eyes and say, “I mean it, Blake. I love you.”

He pulls me up in his strong arms and holds me tight. “I love you, Rachelle. I love you so damn much it hurts, baby.”

I turn the doorknob behind my back and take a step into the bedroom. “Show me,” I whisper.

He kicks the door closed as he picks me up and takes me to the bed. His eyes are dark as he lies me down on top of the blanket. “Are you sure?”

I nod and reach up for him. He takes my hand and places it over my head, then he does the same with my other hand. He moves over me and takes both my wrists in one of his large hands.

His face comes close and I think he’s going to kiss me, but he moves past me and I hear him inhale deeply. “I didn’t think I would ever get to smell you again.”

A tear runs down my cheek. “I’m so sorry, Blake.”

His free hand unties by bikini top and he takes it away from my body and gazes at my breasts. One he takes into his hot mouth and I arch my chest up to him. He still holds my hands above my head and I try to get him to release them, but he holds them tight.

The way his hand is moving over my stomach makes it pull and quake. His finger dips into my bellybutton and he runs his finger around it then into it again. I moan and he unties the sides of my bikini bottoms.

My body goes hot and I shiver as I anticipate his fingers on me. His touch drives me crazy, and he places the tip of one finger on my vagina. Slow circles he makes around the edge and I arch up, trying to get him to push it inside.

Little bites he gives my nipple then he tugs on it hard and pulls the nipple deep into his mouth. Stroking the nipple with his tongue until it feels as if it might actually start to make milk for him.

Deep sensations begin to happen in me as he sucks hard at my breast and runs his finger around my vagina. He pulls back and looks at me. “You know what I want.”

My body falls apart and I moan as I climax hard. He watches me as he still holds my wrists tight. A slow grin he makes. “I’m going to torture you tonight. All night long.”

“If this is torture, sign me up,” I say with a smile.

Only half a smile he makes. He climbs on the bed and straddles me, taking my bikini top, he ties my wrists with it and ties it to the head board. “This should keep your hands where I want them.” He climbs to the other side of me and takes my other breast in his mouth.

One hand massages the other breast and one he sends underneath me. His finger touches the outer edge of my butt hole and I lift my ass up. “Blake, no!”

He runs his hand away from there and presses my body back down. His mouth never leaves my breast. He puts his hand back under me and runs his finger around the edge of my rectum again.

I calm down as he never placed his finger inside me when he did the same thing to my vagina so I relax and let him do what he wants. Little bites he gives my nipple as he runs his finger around and around. I tense as he does.

I’m pulsing inside my rectum as he continues and then he tugs hard on my breast and begins to suck it hard. My body starts shivering and shaking as it goes into another hard orgasm.

I feel the tip of his finger go inside my rectum then right back out and my orgasm explodes into another realm. I moan loudly.

“Oh! God! Oh my God!!!”

No smile on his handsome face, he pulls his mouth from my breast and looks down at me. He takes his shirt off then his shorts and underwear until he’s naked beside me.

Pushing my legs apart. He moves in between them on his knees. With his large dick in his hand, he rubs the tip over my sensitive little bud as he watches my reaction.

Its silky smooth as he glides it over me, pressing it to my clit, just enough to make me want more pressure there. I groan, “You weren’t playing around when you said you were going to torture me, were you.”

He shakes his head. “No, I wasn’t. I know how bad you want me to put this cock inside you and I’m going to make you wait and wait until you’re about to burst. Even then I may not allow it.”

My body goes white hot and I arch up to him. “You don’t want to feel me? You don’t want my pussy to quake around your hard dick? You don’t want to make my body do what you want it to?”

“It’s going to do what I want it to. It’s going to do what I want over and over until you beg me to stop.”

The tip of his dick he taps against my clit until I squirm and wiggle as an orgasm builds then he stops again and looks at me, then taps it one more time and I fall apart.

“God! Blake! Fuck! Please, baby. Just get inside me! Damn it!”

My body writhes and I arch up to him. He backs up and takes my ass cheeks in his hands and feasts on the juices that are flowing inside me. He tongue-fucks me and I wrap my legs around his head, keeping him inside me until his tongue presses into me enough times to make me come again.

I can barely breathe and say low and soft, “Please Blake.”

I unlock my legs and he pulls away from me. He stands next to the bed and takes his dick in one hand, he puts two fingers inside me and gets them wet with my cum.

Slow strokes he makes all over his dick until it glistens with my juice. He stands next to me and strokes his long, hard dick with one hand and fingers me with the other.

He holds his dick only a fraction of an inch away from touching me as he fingers me, relentlessly. The first bit of pre-cum slips out of the tip and I find myself arching up so it’ll fall on me.

I watch as he strokes it hard and fast, mimicking the same thing with his fingers inside me. He stiffens and his fingers pull out as his cum shoots out and he holds it to my clit.

The hot liquid pushes out with such force it puts pressure on my clit and I find I’m climaxing instantly as his hot liquid pours out onto me. He groans as the last little drops come out. Then he walks away to the adjoined bathroom.

I hear the water running and in a few minutes he comes back out with a wet wash cloth and begins cleaning me up. As he runs the warm, wet cloth over me the ache that has been there has me looking at him. He carefully and meticulously cleans my folds clean of his semen, I say, “Please, Blake. Will you please let me feel you inside me now?”

He shakes his head and smiles at me. “It’s early yet. Don’t you think?” He climbs back at the end of the bed and positions himself on his knees between my legs again. “Now that I have more control over myself, I can tease you a little bit more.”

Only the head of his dick does he push into me. I gasp as it’s so near to what I crave. “Oh, shit, Blake. All the way in, please,” I moan.

“Uh, uh,” he says as he pushes it in and out with little motions.

Taking my hips in his hands, he lifts me towards him as he slips only the rounded head in and out. Little popping noises I can hear as he does it. My arms are beginning to ache as he pulls me back and forth.

I moan and pull my knees up.

“Baby, please, please. I love you, Blake. I need you inside me. All the way, baby, please.”

He moves, pulling all the way out and runs his hands up my body, leaving little electric rivers as he goes. Past me he goes as he unties me and rubs his hands over each wrist.

I take in a deep breath and then he kisses me. Soft and sweet his lips touch mine. He moves over me and his cock is hard as he rubs it over my aching clit. “Please, Blake. Show me how much you love me, baby. Then I’ll show you how much I love you.”

Slowly he presses his long, hard dick into me and lets out a moan as he does. “Damn it, you feel fucking amazing, baby.” He pulls nearly all the way out and moves back in slow and steady.

Long, slow strokes he makes as if relishing every little bit of me. His arms he wraps around me as he holds me tight to him. “Harder,” I whisper.

One hard stroke he makes. “Mine,” he says with it.

“Yours,” I agree.

Another hard stroke he gives me and his teeth nip my neck. “Mine.”

“Yours.”

Then he lets it all go and pounds into me like it’s all he can think about. My body rises to meet each hard thrust. I want him all, every little bit of him I want touching me.

The way our bodies smack together rings in my ears. It’s as if we are one and the same as our bodies rock together in unison. He lifts his head away from my neck and looks at me as his body tenses. “Mine,” he says between clenched teeth.

My insides melt and I shiver with the intensity of the hard orgasm and his dick bursts inside me, filling me with his semen. “Yours.”

He falls on me and I can feel his body shaking with the release. A happiness I’ve never felt before fills me and I whisper, “I love you, Blake. Let me show you.”

With a groan, he rolls off me onto his back. His dick is veiny and still standing erect. It’s covered in both our juices and I’m watering at the mouth to taste what we taste like together.

Moving in between his legs I run one hand down his dick then place my mouth at the tip. He moans before I even get it inside my mouth. It’s huge and I doubt I can take it all in, but I’m going to try.

The first stroke I make goes nearly all the way. I pull back and make sure my tongue presses against the bottom of his dick as I take it into my mouth. He groans and puts his hands in my hair.

I pull back and go down again. It touches the back of my throat and I gag then it goes further. The noise he makes fills me with a joy I’ve never known. I continue to make long strokes as he makes joyful noises.

Blake

Finally! Finally, I feel like Rachelle is really mine. In it for the long haul. Going to be with me forever.

She realized she loved me last night and I can’t wait to make a life with her. I know I told her I would take things slow for her, but I can’t stop myself.

I’m going to ask her to marry me. I’m going to buy us a magnificent mansion right here in Los Angeles. She needs to finish school. She has a year left and I don’t plan on spending it in her tiny apartment.

I’m going to buy her a new car. Something insanely expensive and pretty. Maybe a convertible so her long, black hair can blow in the breeze as she drives it around town.

Rachelle is every bit as beautiful as any of the movies stars and models who live in this town are. I think she needs showcased for a while. Bring that low self-esteem up a few notches.

Getting back into college to finish my degree in business is my top priority for myself. I need to have the knowledge to get Rachelle’s restaurant to where she wants it to be. Where the hell ever she wants that.

I just want to live life right next to her. Forever and always, the ‘me and Rachelle’ show. Her little, perfect body lies next to mine. She sleeps like a woman who has been loved hard and has not a care in the world.

That’s how I plan to keep her, feeling loved and spoiled like the little princess she is. My hand flows over her soft skin as she takes in deep breaths. I wrap myself around her and hold her tight to me.

Wait! That’s what got me in trouble with her last time!

Okay, I back up and place my hand lightly on her waist. She knows I’m here and I know she’s here. So she shouldn’t get upset if she has to get up to go to the bathroom.

No punching or leaving should have to take place if I give her the space she needs. Little by little I will invade that large space she thinks she needs around her at most times. Little by little that fear of me leaving her will go away.

I hope so anyway!

Her tendency to push people away seems to be breaking down a little. She’s stayed close with Peyton and seems to tolerate Kip just fine. She talks to Max often, and that’s a start to opening up and letting people in. Now I just have to secure the most precious place in her for me to reside in.

How hard could it be?

Rachelle

The room is pitch black and I’m afraid. The bed I lay in is not mine. Mine is soft and small with little blankets all over it. This one is larger than mine and the blanket is scratching my skin.

Too many people I can hear breathing in the room. I sit up and look all around, finding bed after bed with other kids in them. They all sleep under the same type of gray scratchy blanket I do.

A dim light I see from far away. I wonder if that’s where my mommy is. She came, and we sat in a room then she left me with a lady and now I don’t know where my mommy is.

I get up and walk towards the light. Someone sits up in their bed and looks at me then yells, “Hey! Get back in that bed!”

I turn and run as fast as my small feet will take me to get back into the hard and scratchy bed. I push my face into the pillow. ‘I cannot cry.’ I tell myself.

My mommy will be back to get me. She must have had something so important to do and she left me here with some people to take care of me while she takes care of that.

I just know she’ll be back soon. The only light that was shining is gone and I’m afraid of the dark. Didn’t she tell them that I’m afraid of the dark and that I need my Scooby Doo night light? The one Grandpa gave me. I need it. I need it right now.

The scratchy blanket I pull over my head and try to close my eyes, but they won’t close. I need my mommy. I’ll just lie here under this blanket and wait until she comes to get me. It shouldn’t be much longer. I’ve been here too long already.

Two times I’ve eaten breakfast here in this place full of kids. She’ll be back soon. I just know she will.

Sitting up in the bed, I have to look around to see where I’m at. The bed’s not mine!

I look over and see Blake sleeping next to me.

Oh yeah! I told Blake I love him!

Oh, God! Why did I do that?

I don’t know what love is. Why would I tell him such a thing?

Slipping silently out of the bed. I find my bathing suit and the cover up I had on and slip them on. My purse and car keys are on the dresser so I quietly take them and leave the room.

I have to get the hell out of here!

Blake

Please let her be in the bathroom!

I opened my eyes all set to see my sweet Rachelle, and all I found was an empty space. I jump out of bed and run to the bathroom, but she’s not here. Going back to the bedroom I look on the dresser where I saw her purse last, and it’s gone.

Shit!

I pull my clothes back on as fast as I can and head out to get into my rental car and go to her apartment. She has to be there. Maybe she just didn’t want to wake me up but wanted to go home and get cleaned up.

As I start my car. I decide to call her before I take off. The phone rings once then goes straight to voice mail. She’s forwarding my calls. That is not good.

Putting her address into the cars GPS, I try hard not to drive like a crazy man. It’s hard to know exactly what I did wrong this time to send her running.

Maybe the way I made love to her was to intense, too kinky. Maybe I fucked up and held her tight again after I fell asleep and that set her off. Maybe she just really doesn’t love me.

She told me she wanted to only be friends with benefits. She drank some and maybe only wanted to have sex with me and told me what she had to, to make that happen.

Could she really be that callous?

I pull up to her apartment and her car isn’t here. Probably a good idea to knock anyway so I get out and go pound on the door. No one answers and then the neighbor walks out.

He’s in shorts and a shirt with really messed up brown hair. “Dude, she came and left. You missed her.”

“You sure? I mean I was with her last night and she couldn’t have left that long ago,” I say as I check the guy out. He must be the noisy gamer she talked about.

“I’m sure,” he says as he shifts his massive weight from one foot to the other. “I heard her slam into her apartment about an hour ago. Then only like fifteen minutes later she took off. I peeked out the window and saw she had a suitcase with her.”

“She’s left town,” I mumble then turn back. “Thanks, guy.”

“Not a problem, dude.”

My heart is melting inside me. The beats sound mushy and my head feels light and airy. She left. Why would she leave?

Where would she go?

Why should I care anymore?

Rachelle

The tall trees cover the gravel road I run down as I call out over and over again for my mommy. She must be lost and I need to find her before anything bad happens to her.

“Mommy! Where are you, Mommy? I need you, please come out and see me!”

The sound of footsteps running up behind me has me skidding to a stop and I turn to see the lady who has been taking care of me and all the other kids. She’s frowning at me. “Rachelle! Sweetheart, what are you doing?”

She scoops me up in her arms and starts walking back to the place I ran from. I don’t want to go back. “I need to find my Mommy. She must be lost. She should be back by now. Please let me go find her, nice lady.”

“Honey, she won’t be back for quite some time. A long time, in fact. You have a new home here with us, Shelly.” She pushes my hair back, and a boy comes running up to us.

“Hey, good you found her. I was worried sick about her.” He runs his hand over my head and he smiles at me. “Don’t run off no more, Shelly. Promise me.”

“Who are you?” I ask the boy.

“My name’s Randy, and I’m your big brother from now on, Shelly. If you think you have to do something then let me know and I’ll help you. That’s what big brothers are for after all.”

The nice lady puts me down and the nice boy named Randy takes my hand and takes me in the house and makes me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a glass of milk. He sits down with me and we eat our sandwiches.

“Where’s my Mommy, Randy?”

He messes up my hair and smiles. “Don’t worry about her or where she is. The thing you need to think about is how great it is that you’re here with us and safe. Really safe. No one will hurt you or leave you while you’re here, Shelly.”

“How do you know my Mommy used to hurt me?” I ask.

“Cause that’s what has happened to all of us kids here in this place we call home now. Our parents hurt us and left us, but at least we have this place and each other.”

“Thanks, Randy. I like you and you have pretty eyes.”

“So do you squirt? I like you, too. You’re going to make a great little sister.”

Something shakes me and I turn me head. “What? Who are you?” I ask in confusion.

A short, dark haired man looks at me. “I’m the guy sitting next to you on the plane to Austin, Texas. You said hello to me before you fell asleep. Don’t you remember that?”

“Oh, yeah,” I say as I shake my head.

“I woke you up because you were jerking around and murmuring the word, mommy, a lot. You okay?” he asks with a look of concern on his face.

Am I okay?

“Not really. Thanks for waking me up though. Old memories I try to keep away from keep popping up in my dreams. Don’t you just hate when that happens?”

The expression on his face tells me he’s thinking I’m a little off. “You should probably try to deal with those memories rather than trying to keep them away. That’s very unhealthy. Have you seen someone about that?”

My eyebrows shoot up and I just turn away from the man. I mean, what an asshole, asking such a question to a complete stranger. I guess no one taught him how to keep his opinions to himself.

I look out the window, the sun is shining bright and I have a couple of weeks before school starts back up. I wonder if Blake will leave. I wonder if he’ll go back to Lubbock.

I wonder if he hates me.

Part 5 Hard Luck

Blake

Bright sunshine blinds me as I drive away from Rachelle’s little apartment. One glance into the rear view mirror and I look at her place, most likely for the last time ever. I’ve called her and called her, but she sends me straight to voicemail.

My body burns as I remember how we had made love last night and into the early morning hours. I know she feels the same way I do. I just don’t know how she could leave me like this.

I make my way back to my hotel. Kip and Peyton should be told she’s left. Maybe Peyton even knows why and where. With a tap on my cell I call Kip.

After three rings, he answers. “Yeah mate, we’ll be down to breakfast shortly. Not exactly done with our alone time yet.”

“I see,” I say. “I just wanted to let you know that Rachelle left and when I woke up I went to her apartment but it seems she grabbed a suitcase and left. At least that’s what her neighbor told me.”

“That damn girl! Peyton, you have to have some words with that girl. She’s doing such crazy things!” Kip huffs and then sighs. “Poor, little thing.”

“Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for last night and stuff. I’ll be heading back to Lubbock today. I just need to get my life going and it’s not going to include her anymore.”

Peyton chimes in, “Let us know when you get back home safely, Blake. You’re still our friend no matter what happens with you and Rachelle.”

“Thanks, you two. You really are wonderful people and it’s a pleasure to know you. I’ll call when I get home. Goodbye.” I end the call and feel like I’m dead inside.

I wonder if this is what Rachelle feels like since her mother abandoned her all those years ago. I wonder if it ever goes away.

Rachelle

“Thanks for picking me up Grandpa,” I say as he drives me out to their home.

“Not a problem, Shell. Always glad to have you back home. Los Angeles isn’t your home. This is.” He reaches over and pats the back of my hand and offers me a smile. “So, who’s the fella you’re running away from this time?”

I jerk my head to look at him and my mouth falls open. “What makes you think there’s a man I’m running from?”

“You and your mother both do the same thing. When you feel threatened with commitment you both run back home. She’s there now as a matter of fact.” He looks at me as he says the last words.

I’m sure my face goes into the usual state of no emotion. She’s the last person I wanted to see. It’s pretty obvious what she did to me has me unable to form relationships and now I have to see her, to hang out with her.

No!

“Grandpa, I had no idea she was here. I’d rather not see her. I’d rather not deal with her. Is she drunk yet, today?”

“She’s quit drinking. For now, at least,” he says with a shrug. “You never know how long that will last. I need to tell you something, Shell. It’s been a family secret for far too long. Your mom hasn’t always had it so easy. You see, your grandmother is not her real mother.”

My jaw drops and I gasp. “What? What do you mean?”

“When your mother was four, her mother, who was not my wife, was killed in a car accident. Your mother was with her and Tabitha survived. Somehow she always thought it was her fault as she was having a temper tantrum because she wanted to go play at the park, but her mother was too busy to stop that day.” He looks at me with sad eyes.

“You two weren’t married?” I ask in complete confusion.

He shakes his gray head and frowns. “I’ve always been married to the woman you know as your grandmother. I was contacted by the hospital about Tabitha being in the wreck, because I did sign her birth certificate, giving her my last name. I’d been to see her a handful of times, but I never did take care of her, or her mother, Coleen.”

“Grandpa, no!” I say in disappointment. “You were a deadbeat dad?”

“I was.” He nods. “Anyway, I had never told my wife about the little affair and who came from it. But I had no real choice after Coleen died. I told the woman you know as your grandmother about it and how I had a daughter who needed me. She was the saint she always is, and she accepted your mother like she was her own.”

“Grandma never had any children then. Mom’s an only child, just like me.” I shift in my seat to look at my grandfather.

“We had a baby when we first were married. A little girl. We named her Ashley, and she died in her crib one night when she was six months old. They called it Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Your grandmother was hurt beyond anything one can imagine. She got on birth control and stayed on it, vowing she’d never go through that kind of pain again. Five years later your mother came to live with us. We were strangers to her. She didn’t remember me at all. I hadn’t seen her since she was two-years-old.”

“That’s so sad, Grandpa. I had no idea. Mom had a young life, much like mine then.” I look out the window to contemplate all he’s told me.

I murmur, “She must’ve been so afraid. Poor little girl. She saw her mother die and thought it was her fault. No wonder she drinks, no wonder she’s done drugs, no wonder she feels she’s not worthy of anyone being in her life, including me.”

“There’s more, Shell. I know who your father is. He’s not a good man, anymore, but he was once. When your mother was younger, and she hadn’t started collecting assholes, pardon my French, she was the high school sweetheart of a nice young man.”

“My father! She always said she had no idea of who it might be! Does he live in Round Rock?” My heart is jumping up and down in my chest with excitement.

I may get to meet my father!

Grandpa makes my heart fall in an instant. “He’s not a good man anymore, Shell. He was once, but your mother messed with his mind and heart one too many times and it broke him. He does live in Round Rock and you’ve seen the man many times.”

“I have?” I ask in amazement. “When, where?”

“You know the man who looks like he’s about a hundred-years-old and lives under the bridge just off the interstate and the exit after ours?” he asks as he looks over at me.

I nod because I do know the man he’s talking about and it makes my stomach lurch. “How could he ever have been a good man, Grandpa? For the love of all that’s holy. He always has pee stains on his filthy pants and looks like he’s never seen a bit of water or soap for that matter. He’s a beggar, a homeless bum.”

“That man is Rodney Holmes, and until you were a year old, he was the starting quarterback for the high school football team. Your mother was a clarinet player in the marching band and they were a sweet young couple. Until your mom got pregnant that is.”

“It all changed then. He didn’t want kids at that young age, did he? He dumped Mom, didn’t he?” I ask with a knowing look in my eyes.

Of course he dumped her then.

“He asked your mother to marry him. He begged her too as a matter of fact. Your mother ran away then. We had no idea where she went or who she was with. She stayed gone, and we only found her a year after we found you in that children’s home.” He looks out his side window as he takes the exit off the highway to his home.

“Rodney came by often to see if we had heard anything. He swore he’d never bother her, he just wanted to know if she was okay and if you had been born yet. Things we didn’t know. Things we wished we did know, desperately.” His eyes glisten with unshed tears at the memory.

“So, Mom just left with me in her stomach? I just can’t imagine why she’d want to do such a thing all on her own.” My mind spins with all this new information.

“I have no idea, Shell. Well, one day, Rodney came and saw us and told us she had called him from a private phone number. She told him he had a daughter, but she told him your name was Connie for some reason. He said he begged her to let him know where she was. He begged her to come back to him or at least to us. She refused, got angry and hung up on him.”

My grandfather’s words ring in my hollow chest. It was me who became so angry to find Blake holding me tightly as we slept that one night. I was mad because he was showing me how he wanted to protect me. I’m a fool just like my mother.

“So, my father is a homeless person who is crazy and my mother is also crazy and I’m not real far behind them.” I look out the window and watch the city turn into the countryside.

In silence we ride to my grandparent’s home. He’s told me all I need to know. It’s really quite useless to try to live a normal life. My parents never could figure out how to. What makes me so special I can figure it out?

Blake’s better off without my crazy ass.

Blake

Weary and beaten down, I walk into my little house in Lubbock. It’s late, and the house is pitch black. I turn on the living room light and see my gym stuff there. Though exhausted, I know I’ll not be able to sleep.

I miss her so damn bad.

I yank off my shirt and drop my jeans, stepping out of my shoes, I start my workout. Clad only in my tight, black boxer briefs, I pump some iron to rid my mind of her.

After thirty minutes of intensely working out, a knock comes at my door. It’s two in the morning so I have to wonder who it could be. I look out the window as I turn on the porch light and see Josh, my next door neighbor.

I open the door and he smiles at me. “I noticed the light on and wondered if someone broke in here to use your equipment, but it’s just you. When did you get in?”

“About half an hour ago. I’d ask you to come in, but I’m a bit of a grump right now. No one should be subjected to me in this lousy-ass mood.”

He gives me a nod. “Okay, I just wanted to be a good neighbor and make sure no one was breaking in.” He reaches for something at the edge of the door frame and pulls out a baseball bat.

“You came packing, huh?” I ask with a chuckle.

He turns away and looks over his shoulder at me. “Well, I had to bring something to hit the bad guys with, if there were any. Have a good night, Blake. You should come and eat breakfast with us in the morning. I don’t like you being alone when you feel so bad.”

“I’ll think about it. Thanks for the invite. What time will it be served so I can let you know ahead of time if I’m coming or not?”

He stops and turns around. “Tell you what, Blake, we can whip up some eggs and bacon just about any time you want to get up. How’s that? See you when you get ready tomorrow, buddy. Get some sleep, you look dog tired.”

He walks away and I say, “Thanks, you guy, for always watching out for me.”

I lock up the door and walk to my old bedroom. The posters on the walls are from my high school years. Hot chicks in them all.

I think it’s time to get rid of the past. I think it’s time to move onto other things. With a rip, I take the first one down and crumple it up. Then the others follow as I take my boyhood bedroom down to the bare walls and make a vow to myself to get this place fixed up so I can sell it and move on with my life.

Rachelle

I’ve borrowed Grandpa’s old pickup truck and decided to go visit Max. My presence in my grandparent’s home set my mother off, and she started drinking heavily again.

It’s best to let her have the help of her parents. She needs them a lot more than I ever realized. I couldn’t bring myself to talk to her about any of the things Grandpa told me.

One of the reasons is I didn’t know how she would handle all that truth out there. She’s only ever told me lies about it all, so it may be she doesn’t even remember the truth anymore. I saw no use in starting what might have been a huge argument between her and her father.

Curiosity has me cruising by the overpass my father lives under. I bought some food for breakfast for him. A few pigs in a blanket, a couple of sausage biscuits and a large bottle of orange juice, and apple juice, and a few bottles of water.

Okay, it is literally a grocery bag full of things. I have an illness apparently to help people. It’s a gift and an affliction.

I slow to a stop. It’s pretty early I would assume for a bum to be awake. But I see eyes peeking out from behind the berm at the very top of the steep incline.

Opening my door, I get out and hold the bag up. He sits up and motions for me to come up to him. Which is most likely the most dangerous thing I could ever do, but the man is my father and I think God will watch over me to do this thing I feel I must do.

“Hi,” I say with a quivering voice. I didn’t realize how scared I was until I opened my mouth.

Reaching back into the truck I grab a blanket I brought from my bedroom at my grandparents and a coat I took from the coat closet. It’s one Grandpa has had many years, and he has plenty more. I’ll let him know I took it later on.

He’d have stopped me from coming here if I had told him before-hand. He made it clear the man is nuts and not to be trusted. For reasons I couldn’t get out of him, he thinks my father is dangerous.

With the large bag of food in one hand and the blanket and coat in the other, I walk up the steep incline to where the man who is my father waits. I can smell the urine from here and I have to fight down a gag reflex.

His eyes are a light gray and his skin is filthy. My heart stops beating as I really look at the man we all called the Round Rock, Looney. I swallow hard to get the knot out of my throat.

Holding out the things to him, I say, “Hello, Rodney. I brought you some food for your breakfast this morning. I thought you might like an extra blanket and a coat. There’s a cold front coming in later this evening and I didn’t know if you had anything to keep you warm or not. I opted to bring them anyway, just in case. A person can never have too many blankets or coats, I think.”

He stares at me and the way his eyes dart quickly back and forth makes my insides tighten as if I’m getting ready to be punched in the stomach or something.

With a deep and gravelly voice, he says, “You know my name.” He looks past me at the old truck.

I suddenly realize that my grandfather had the truck a few years before I was even born. Rodney must recognize it. For some reason that fills me with fear.

“My grandfather told it to me. Anyway, I just wanted to give you these things. Bye now,” I turn to leave as fear is coursing through my veins.

“How is she?” he asks. I freeze in my tracks. “Your mother. How is she?”

I turn slowly back and see he’s come out and is standing only steps from me. “She’s okay. Not great, not stable, but she’s alive, and that’s something, don’t you think?”

“She used to drive that truck you’re driving. You look like her and a little like my mother.” Tears glisten in his grey eyes. “I never meant for things to happen like they did. I always wanted her and you. I hope one day you can forgive me.”

He’s a filthy mess of a human being and I know he must be riddled with lice and God knows what else but I have to do it. “Can I hug you?”

He holds his arms out and I come to him and wrap my arms around him as he does me. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I can’t be stronger.” His words come out soft.

“It’s okay. I forgive you. I can help you if you want. I can get a place for you to live. I know people who can help me do that for you,” I say and feel my body shaking with some kind of crazy emotion I’ve never felt before.

“No. Thanks though.” He lets me go and I step back. It’s crazy how his stench no longer makes me want to gag. It just smells like him and that’s okay for some damn reason.

“But, this is no way to live,” I say as I gesture to the underpass.

“It’s all I’ve known since that day. Don’t worry about me. If you want to help anyone, help her. She needs it more than I do. She always has.” He turns back and goes to sit down way at the top.

“She has a place to stay inside out of the weather. She has a mother and a father to take care of her when she lets them,” I tell him. “Tell me why you would do this to yourself over a woman like her.”

“She wasn’t always this way. Once she was sweet and full of love. Somehow, getting pregnant with you changed her.” His eyes narrow a bit as he looks at me. “I hated you for a long time.”

The fear creeps back in as his eyes go icy and his body tenses as if he might be getting ready to spring at me. “I understand. I’m sorry. I’ll let you get back to your life here. Goodbye.”

I turn and walk away. He shouts out, “Thanks, kid.”

I wave without looking back. Into the truck I go and pull away from the side of the road. Something hits the back window and shatters against the thick glass. Orange is sprayed everywhere. I look in the rear view mirror to see my father standing in the middle of the road.

He’s flipping me off with both hands. Yelling incoherently curse words and screaming my mother’s name.

My body aches with the knowledge that she did that to him. I feel bad for them both, but mostly I feel bad for me. They are my gene-pool, those are the closest people to me in this entire world and I’m lonelier than I think I’ve ever been.

Max

Orange fills the sky as the sun sets behind her. Head hung low and shoulders drooping, Rachelle walks away from an old, blue, Ford truck. Zane pushes through my legs as he sees her.

He turns back to look at me. “What’s a matter wif Chellie, Daddy?”

“She’s sad. Go give her a hug. That should brighten her up some, Zane.”

He takes off running towards her and she lifts her head to look at him as he shouts, “Chellie! Chellie! You’re here!”

She smiles and I can see it’s despite herself. She opens her arms up and he flies into them. He kisses her cheek, and she runs her hand over his little head. “Hey, cutie. Miss me?” she asks him.

“I did,” he says then he leans down and sniffs her shoulder. “Chellie, you stink.”

She laughs a light laugh that’s full of sadness. “I know I do. I met someone earlier and even though he smelled awful, I gave him a hug.”

“You should not have done that, Chellie.” Zane leans way back from her and wiggles for her to put him down. She does, and he says, “Why you want to hug a stinky person?”

I wrap my arm around her sagging shoulders and lead her into our home. “Maybe she felt like the person needed it, or perhaps she’s the one who needed it.” I kiss the side of her head and take her down the long entry hall. Zane takes her hand as he looks up at her with concern in his eyes.

“I had a dream and I remember what your name used to be, Max,” she tells me. “You were Randy once. You were my older brother, and you were really nice to me. I ran to find my mother, and you helped me. You made me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a glass of milk and you made me feel a lot better in that awful time.”

“Hilda makes the best. I’m going to get her to make us a couple of them and then you and I can have a talk about why your sweet, little face has so much sorrow running over it.” I pull her along with me to say hello to Lexi and the other kids.

Lexi’s eyes light up as we go into the playroom where she’s watching the other two children. They quickly dim as she sees the state Rachelle is in. She gets up and come to us.

She pulls Rachelle into her arms and Rachelle bursts into tears. I nod at Lexi and she takes her from the room. Zane looks up at me as they leave.

“Daddy, what’s made her so sad?” He loops his little hand into mine.

“I don’t know yet. But she had a hard life just like Daddy did when he was a kid. But Mommy and Daddy are going to try to help her.” I tussle his blonde locks. “She’ll be okay, buddy. Don’t you worry.”

“Okay, Daddy. I’ll try not to.” He goes to play with Zoey as she runs her Barbie Jeep all over the floor.

I watch my three children play on the floor of the large room and wonder how some parents can do things to their children like abandon them. A day without seeing my kids’ faces is a day I’ve lost forever.

Blake

Pumping iron for the third time today, I jump as my cell phone rings. I drop the weight and answer the call. “Hey, Max. How’s it going, buddy?”

“Good. I just wanted to let you know that Rachelle is here with us. She told us how she took off from you and I just wanted you to know she’s safe,” he says.

“I guess I’m glad to hear that,” I say. “Did she mention why the hell she did that to me. Not that it matters one bit, but I’d like to know.”

“Mostly because she’s a mess right now. See, she and I have similar issues. While Lexi has helped me immensely, I still have to fight the urge to push her away at times. Our kids help me to stabilize those fleeting emotions, but I do fight them from time to time.”

“Well, I can’t live like that. I can’t live the way life would be with her. I love her. I mean, I loved her. I’m sure one day I won’t anymore, anyway,” I say and pick up a little weight and curl it up to my chin a few times.

“She found out who her father is,” Max says and my heart stops.

“She said her mother didn’t know who it was.”

“She lied to her, like she did about so many things. Rachelle’s grandfather let her in on a lot of family secrets. Turns out Rachelle’s father was once a good kid. A high school football player and he and her mother were a couple for several years. They got pregnant in their senior year and her mother ran away,” Max says.

I put the weight down and ask, “Did she talk to him?”

“She did,” he says, “He went a bit mad it seems and lives under a bridge or something in her hometown of Round Rock. She went to see him and it seems things were awkward and really odd, but I would assume the man is completely mentally unstable as he lives under a bridge for the love of God.”

“Why would she go to see him?” I ask in disbelief. “That was dangerous. The girl isn’t sensible. She could’ve been hurt or worse.” I slam my fist on the bar and the set of dishes I’ve been packing to give to the charity store shake and make a jingling sound as they bounce against one another.

She’s so small and fragile and she went to see a crazy man. What’s wrong with her?

“She could have,” he says. “Lexi and I both talked to her about never doing that again. At least not all alone. She said he threw a glass bottle of orange juice she gave him at the back window of her grandfather’s old truck. He was shouting obscenities as she drove away and screaming her mother’s name. But the first part of their meeting was okay, she said.”

“Good, God! That woman is nuts.”

“That’s exactly what she’s afraid of, Blake. She’s afraid she’s crazy, just like her parents. She isn’t of course, but she fears she has no chance of living a normal life. A life you are entitled to, according to her.” He makes a long pause then he says, “She talks about you a lot. She’s very much in love with you.”

I sigh. “You aren’t helping me, Max.”

“Sorry. Guess I thought you might still care for her. I suppose she did burn her bridge with you, just as she was afraid she did. I understand. I really do. Most people wouldn’t want to deal with the things that come along with loving a person with abandonment issues.” He clears his throat. “The pulling with one hand and pushing with the other. I get it, it’s enough to make a man crazy.”

“It is! It really is!” I start to pace for some damn reason. “I mean I have no idea of what to expect. One minute it’s ‘I love you, Blake,’ the next I’m looking around for where the little lunatic has run off too. It’s just too much, Max. I’m sorry, I can’t do it. I’ll go crazy myself.”

“I get it, Blake. You don’t have to explain things to me. The things Lexi and I put each other through were awful. I wouldn’t wish them on anyone. Stay where you are, stay away from the girl, she’s bad news wrapped in a pretty package.” He draws in a deep breath. “Leave her to her own kind. People with these issues tend to come together. Let someone just like her deal with her lunacy.”

His words sting and make me feel selfish. “I’m glad you understand. Let me know if she needs anything. I mean anything. I do care for her. Fuck! I love her. Anyway, let me know if she needs anything at all, Max.”

“I will. Talk to you later, bye.” He ends the call and I gulp down the beer I had.

I wonder if she could ever trust me. I wonder if she knows I’d stand by her no matter what. I wonder if she’ll ever give me the chance to prove that to her.

The last box of my parents’ things I carry out to my truck and get in to haul them all to the charity store. Now that I have all of their things out, it’s time to start the remodel. I want this little house to look great with all the newest bells and whistles before I find a nice family who really needs it to give it to.

Rachelle

I’ve been with Max and Lexi for three days now and they’ve said some really powerful things to me. The way I’ve lived my life doesn’t have to be the way I continue to live it.

Being alone has always been more comfortable to me than being with someone. Now I see why. I learned how to self sooth, and not in a good way.

When people wanted to be in my life or help me, I pushed them away. I always thought that I could do it all on my own. I had managed to survive my mother and then I lived after she left me with a group of strangers.

I always looked at myself as a tough, little chick who could handle anything that was thrown at her. And I could do it completely on my own.

Kip and Peyton have begged me to come and be their personal chef and I refuse to do it. Merely on the principal of them paying me more than I am worth.

Max and Lexi have made me realize it’s not me who decides what I’m worth. It’s the people who care for me that do that. If Kip and Peyton feel I’m worth all they want to give me in order for me to work for them then I should take it, if it’s something I want to do.

I really want my own restaurant. And I really want to make enough money to get that. I also really want Blake in my life. But I messed that up and I have to accept that.

Burning bridges seems to be a thing people with my issues do. I should really learn to stop doing that, but I don’t know if it’s even possible. Seems neither one of my parents learned how, so what are my chances?

A knock comes to my bedroom door and a little boy’s voice calls out, “Chellie, wanna pway wif me?”

I hop off the bed and go open the door to find little Zane with a tiny fistful of wildflowers. He holds them up and I pick him up in my arms and take them.

“How sweet, Zane. Of course I’d love to play with you. What are we going to play?” I carry him down the stairs and find his sister waiting for us with a net in her hand.

“We’re gonna catch some fireflies and put ‘em in a jar. Wanna help?” Zoey asks.

“I sure do,” I say as I get to the bottom step and put Zane down. One grabs one hand and one takes the other and they lead me out into the darkening night to catch some fireflies.

Lexi and Max are sitting on the patio as Zakk plays in the sandbox near them. After I run around with the twins, grabbing up the little bugs, we place them in the jar and go sit down with their parents.

Max gets up and takes me by the hand and pulls me inside with him.

“I want to talk to you.”

I follow along and he sits me down in the kitchen and pours me a glass of milk and places two cookies in front of me. “You sick of me?” I ask with a laugh, sure he’s about to tell me it’s time for me to go home.

“Never,” he says as he tweaks my nose. “I want to talk to you about Blake. I called him today.”

I look down and frown. “Max, I know you mean well, but you shouldn’t have done that. He needs to get on without me.”

“No, he does not.” He sits down on the bar stool next to me. “You and he have something, Shelly. It doesn’t come along every day and I’d be no kind of a big brother if I let you blow it all off.”

“Max, I…”

His finger touches my lips, stopping me. “Rachelle Stone, you are a viable woman who is worthy of love. If you don’t pursue this thing you have with Blake, you will end up with the wrong man after the wrong man. Much the same as your mother did when she turned away from your father, destroying them both. I can’t sit idly by and watch you do that to yourself. I mean what kind of a big brother would I be if I did?”

“I guess a crappy one,” I say with a frown. “But, Max, Blake has to hate me.”

“He doesn’t. Sure he’s hurt, but do you know how many times Lexi and I hurt each other before we came to our senses?” He nudges my shoulder with his.

“Yeah, I do as a matter of fact. Lexi told me. By the way, I’d love to meet some of the people she told me about. The little French girl who you call your angel and that man she married, the model guy from those steamy book covers with Lexi.” I pause and look at him. “How did you handle your true love all up under those gorgeous men like that?”

“It wasn’t easy, believe me.” He gets up and gets himself a beer from the fridge. “Now, don’t be pissed at me but I did something behind your back.”

My eyebrows go up to the top of my head and I say, “Well, before you tell me, hand me one of those beers so I can chill and not tear your head off when you tell me something I can tell is going to make me mad.”

“You’re right,” he says as he grabs me a beer. “Here, take a long drink then I’ll fill you in.”

I do as he says then he takes my chin in his hand and looks at me with those deep green eyes of his. I remember them from when I was three. “Do you remember me telling you that you had pretty eyes when I was little?” I ask.

“I do.” He lets my chin go and runs his hand through my hair. “Remember me telling you that you did too?”

I smile as he does remember. “So weird how you remembered me after all these years. I was only there for a few weeks before my grandparents found me, after all.”

Slow strokes he makes through my hair as he gazes into my eyes. “You were so little and helpless. I took it as my responsibility to keep you safe and help you not be so sad. Your eyes held such sadness back then. You were utterly confused by being left there.”

“I am starting to recall those memories.” I laugh a little. “A complete stranger on the airplane I rode into Austin on told me I needed to deal with my memories instead of trying to hide from them. I thought he was an ass for talking to me that way.”

“People don’t always mind their own business. I think it’s something they’re supposed to do, to be honest. I was just like you and when people talked like they knew anything about me or what I had gone through, well, I thought they were idiots.” Max leans back against the bar and smiles at me. “We’re probably more like brother and sister than most real siblings. We’ve been through much the same things.”

“Okay, so what did you do that’s going to have me mad, bro?” I ask with a chuckle.

“I sent your grandfather’s truck back to him. I had one of Hilda’s cousins drive it. I want you to use one of our cars and I want you to go to Lubbock and surprise Blake.” He looks at me for my reaction.

I blink several times and look down. “Why?”

“Because your classes are starting again soon and you need to see him before you go back to L.A. Just so you know, I’m not taking no or I’ll think about it as an answer.” He touches my cheek, making me look at him. “Wanna know why?”

I nod and whisper, “Why?”

“Because I love you. I can’t stand to see you cheating yourself out of a love that can bring you so much peace and happiness. You asked about my angel and she was the one who made me stop being stubborn and push past my insecurities and seek Lexi out. So I’m going to be your angel, because frankly, you need one.”

I laugh and give him a tiny smile. “Since you’re not taking no for an answer what choice do I have, Max. But don’t be surprised when Blake tells me to get lost. I don’t even know what his address is, anyway.”

“He lives next door to Lexi’s brother, if you will recall. So I can put the address into the GPS of whichever car you want to take and boom, you’ll be there in no time.”

“Boom! Just like that, huh?” I ask as I shake my head. “You really are going to make me put myself out there, aren’t you?”

He nods. “I am, tomorrow morning as a matter of fact.”

“What can I do to get out of it?” I ask as he pulls me off the bar stool and back out to Lexi and their kids.

“Not a damn thing. It’s time to face your fears and deal with the damage you’ve done. If nothing comes of it, but the fact you pulled up your big girl panties and faced the things you’ve done and find you can live through that, then so be it.”

Lexi smiles at me as we get to the table. “Did he get his way?” she asks.

“Doesn’t he always?” I ask with a laugh. “Seems that I must face the music with Blake. Hope he wants to dance to it and not sit this one out.”

Blake

The remodel team took only a couple of days to demo out the master bathroom and put in a new jet bathtub and a beautiful, tiled separate shower, big enough for two people. It all looks gorgeous and I only wish Mom and Dad could’ve enjoyed using it.

I moved out of my childhood bedroom and have the remodeling crew working on it today. With the master bedroom all redone and now the attached bath finished, I’ve moved into it, a new large, four post bed and everything.

A huge flat screen hangs on the wall. I plan on leaving every stick of furniture and all the things I’ve bought new for this house when I give it away. I’ll be taking my clothes and that’s it.

I have a box full of my memories of Mom and Dad that I’ll take too. Everything else is going to stay to welcome some unfortunate family get back on their feet. I do think it’s what my parents would’ve wanted me to do with the place.

In the back yard I sit, sipping on a frosty, cold beer and relaxing in front of the little swimming pool I had put in the small backyard. There’s a nice, relaxing waterfall that I hope some lucky kids find fun jumping off of.

The back door opens as the last little bit of sunlight leaves the sky. “Hey, boss, we’re heading out,” the foreman of the remodeling crew tells me.

“Thanks, man. See you guys tomorrow,” I say and give him a wave.

He leaves and I turn back and click the remote to turn the lights on in the swimming pool. I imagine a little family cooking in the outdoor kitchen I had put in as they have fun with a little family time out by the pool.

The doorbell rings inside and I sigh as I get up to go see who is interrupting my dreamtime. “Who is it?” I holler as I walk through the kitchen and into the living room.

“Me,” the light lilt of a feminine voice calls out from behind the closed door.

The sound of her voice stops me.

Why is she here?

I’ve been fine without her and now she’s here to rope me back in. I don’t think I should open the door. My feet move forward anyway. My hand touches the doorknob and I pull it back.

“Blake?” she asks on the other side of the door.

It’s all that separates us and I need the thick wood to keep her from me. I look at the lock and see it’s not latched and I need it to be latched so damn bad. I turn back and try to walk away. I try to open my mouth to tell her to leave me alone.

“Blake, I’m not here to beg you to give me another chance, if that’s what has you leaving me out here like this. I only wish to see you and tell you I’m sorry, in person. I don’t expect you to even accept my apology, but I want to face you as I should’ve done a long time ago.”

Is she being sincere? Can she even be sincere?

I open the door and look down to find her wearing a little, white T-shirt and some old blue jeans and flip flops. Her hair is in a ponytail. She’s not even trying to look all evil seductress like I thought she would.

Instead she looks tiny and sweet like she always does. “Hi,” I manage to get out of my dryer than hell mouth.

“Hi, Blake.” She looks up at me and her eyes shine like a beacon in the night. So blue and gorgeous. “I just wanted to tell you, face to face, I’m sorry for being a coward.”

I swallow hard and say, “You aren’t a coward, Rachelle.”

She nods her little head. “I am, and you deserve better than what I’ve given you. You deserve an explanation for how I’ve treated you. For how I’ve left you. I’d like to offer you that, if you’d let me.”

Though I should close this door. I take a step back and gesture for her to come inside. She comes in and the smell of her lavender scented shampoo fills my senses. I gulp and try hard to maintain my composure.

“Please have a seat. I’ll be right back,” I say then go into the kitchen.

I take three beers out. I chug one then throw the empty bottle in the trash. I take the other two with me. Handing her one then I take the chair across from her. I eye her warily as I take a sip of the beer I just opened.

She takes a drink then sets it on the table next to her. “I don’t need the liquid courage. I don’t really deserve to have any. I’ve done terrible things to you and all because I don’t value myself. I just want you to know none of it was you. You’re a wonderful person and it was my pleasure to know you. Especially how we knew each other.”

“The sex?” I ask as I take another drink to cool my burning insides.

“The way you made love to me, yes. I was lucky to get to ever feel you like that,” she says then leans forward. “Those are memories I’ll always cherish and never will I forget how you treated me so respectfully and with the utmost kindness at all times. Thank you for that, Blake.”

“So is that all you wanted to tell me, Rachelle?” I ask as I place my beer on the table and stand up.

Her eyes go wide and they follow me as I stand. She nods and moves to stand up herself. I take her small shoulders in my hands and press her back down, then sit next to her.

“I’d like to say some things to you, Rachelle. Some things I’ve ached to tell you when you left me like that.”

She bites her bottom lip and looks at me as her eyes glisten. “Okay, give it to me. I deserve it.”

“You do,” I say then trail my fingers along her delicate jawline then over her collarbone. “You deserve to know I think you’re brave and courageous. To come here and face me is not a thing I thought you could ever do.”

Her throat swells a little as she gulps and her body shakes a bit. “Really?”

I nod and lean into her, inhaling her scent. “You deserve to hear I’ve never stopped loving you. You deserve to hear I forgive you. And you deserve to hear that I accept you for who you are, which is a magnificent woman.” My lips are close to hers and I look into her eyes. “Can I kiss you?”

The slightest of nods she gives me and I take her lips. The sweet heat fills me with our touch. Softly she pants and wraps her arms around my neck. I’ve missed her too much to waste time.

I pick her up and kiss her all the way down the hall to my new bedroom. I lie on the bed, laying her out next to me, our lips never parting. Her fingers fumble with the button on my jeans and she seems to want me as bad as I want her.

Leaving her lips only long enough to undress her then myself. We exchange long looks at the other’s body. Her lips curl into a smile. “You’ve been working out like a manic, haven’t you?”

I run my hand down my tight abs. “You noticed, how sweet.”

She wiggles her finger at me and I come to her. They way her hands slip over my body makes my male member spring to attention. She leans up and runs her tongue over my nipple and chill bumps sprout all over my body.

“I want to kiss every last inch of you,” she says in a growl.

“I’d like that,” I say with a growl of my own.

I lie down and pull her on top of me. She kisses my chest and runs her mouth down my abs, trailing her tongue over the ridges and valleys. It’s me who aches to be inside her. As if reading my mind, she slides her body up mine then down again, filling herself with my throbbing cock.

We groan in unison. She sits up on me. I’m all inside her and she’s still for a moment, letting me spread her open to accommodate my girth and length. With a slow smile, she begins to slide up and down my length and looks at me as she runs her hands over my stomach.

My hands move to her tiny waist and I lift her up to help her stroke me a bit faster. He little body weighs nothing and I move her easily up and down my hard as nails dick.

They way her boobs bounce as I move her captivates me. Sitting up, I take one in my mouth as I continue to lift her up and down with the other hand. She moves her legs, so she’s sitting on my lap and we move together.

So tight her body is, and it conforms to mine as if we were made only for each other.

I wonder is this means she’s back.

Rachelle

My body finally feels like mine again. I’ve been distant even from myself. Not letting a lot go into my brain as I try to come to terms with what has happened to me in very low doses.

I slip over Blake’s monster cock. As he fills me, it takes me to another place. A place only he can take me. A place I’ve been afraid of, but for some reason that fear is gone.

He rolls me over and lays me back on a mountainous pillow, my body still inclined towards his. He never lets us part and moves in and out of me as he looks down, watching our bodies connect and disconnect as he pulls all the way out of me with each long stroke.

It’s as if he’s seeing that he can live whether he’s inside me or not. That life can go on whether I stay or run. Then his eyes look into mine and I see it. I see the acceptance he’s giving me.

“I love you, Rachelle. No matter what you ever do, I love you and always will.” His body presses to mine and he takes my mouth to his, swirling his tongue over mine.

It doesn’t feel like he’s trying to dominate me like before. It doesn’t feel as if he’s trying to make me his. It feels like he wants us just to be. Just as much as I’ll allow us to be.

It feels perfect.

His blonde curls I wrap my hands in. Their soft and it’s one of the things I’ve missed most. One of my hands runs over his back and I moan as his muscles bunch with every soft, long stroke he makes into me.

He moans back into my mouth and one of his hands moves into my hair and he wraps it around his fist, pulling at it lightly. The softness is great, but I want more and I arch against him, trying to convey my need for him.

A little faster he moves, a little harder he thrusts, a little tighter he pulls my hair. My stomach grows taught as my insides tighten and my legs wrap around him.

His mouth moves off mine and he takes my neck in a hard bite as he begins to pound into me, taking my breath with his first really hard thrust. He sucks and bites my neck and it sends me into a frenzy.

I want him all, I need him all. I arch up to meet every hard thrust, bucking beneath him. All I can think about it how fantastic it will feel when his liquid heat fills me.

His lips touch my ear, his words hot, “Come.”

One single command and my body does as he’s said. I break apart inside and he strokes me that much harder. It’s made things a lot slicker, and he flows in and out of me faster.

My body pulses and pulls for him to join me in this ecstasy, but he holds on. His teeth clenched together as he holds onto his own release. He grunts a little and takes one of my breasts in his hot mouth and sucks hard.