Chapter 16
She couldn't stand to say it to him in a video, so she sent him a message. When her tablet started buzzing at three a.m. that night, however, she knew who it was.
“Devon,” she said, trying to keep quiet in the darkness as she answered. His face flooded the screen and her heart filled with joy.
Her nearly three year relationship with Devon had seemed like fate and yet doomed from the start. They had met in the hospital, both of them attached to IVs Devon was reckless, mischievous and strong – everything Sienna felt like she was not. His disease progression was quicker, but it was known to the med bay, and he felt no pain, nor illness, except at the worst of times. His Maestro, Laura, made sure he lived life to the fullest, and that involved allowing him to love Sienna. She followed her heart with Devon and it got them into severe trouble more than once.
He had been the last person she resurrected, when her magic was already faltering. Resurrection magic was thought to be impossible, and it made her almost take her life, not to mention, opened a portal to the world of the dead. But when Devon had been killed in battle, she had to override every sense of safety. She couldn't live in a world without him in it.
Resurrecting him seemed to have given him the courage and strength to finally break from the Witches Order, a place where he knew he didn't fit in. His Maestro, Laura, had agreed to let him go, for the good of Nature. When she trained him, although they had an amazing time, Laura did have to dedicate herself to caring for him, and Devon knew the day would come when he would no longer be able to be the warrior he was training to be. He thought it was best for everyone if he left. Sienna missed him terribly, but their lives were so different now. They talked when they could, and he had encouraged her more than once to join him, but she always hung back.
Now, she didn't know what to do.
“Hello, love,” he said. It was daytime, wherever he was, and he looked alert, awake. “Are you all right?”
She wanted to nod, but instead, a tear that she thought had long dried slipped down her face.
“It was unexpected?” Devon asked. “Or did you know this was coming?”
“He just… I thought he wouldn't actually do it,” she surprised herself by saying. “But actually, Desmond has been…hinting at such things for a while.”
“Oh, my love,” he said. “I'm so sorry. I wish I could be there for you right now.”
“I wish you could be here, too,” she answered, and there was a pause on the other end.
“We could,” he suggested. “Do you want to come here?”
“I can't,” she said. “We're escorting Eliza to highly hostile trade negotiations.”
“Surely, they can't expect you to work like this,” Devon answered.
“Of course, they…” She stopped. “Nathaniel does. He says that I can take it easy, but we aren't off the quest. There will be a lot of questions to answer when we get back to the Jurors, but he's still my Maestro.”
“And how do you feel about that?” Devon asked.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“Do you want to still be there, Sienna?” he asked. “Because you now seem to be going through the motions, and it concerns me.”
“I've spent my whole life doing this, Devon,” she said. “I don't know how to do anything else.”
“That's what I thought, too,” he said, and she shook her head.
“I can't. I can't. I miss you so much, but I can't.”
“Would it help if I came to you?” he asked.
“Where?”
“Finish your mission. I'm due to visit the school, anyways, I was going to see Laura. I can meet you there.”
“That would be wonderful,” she said. “If Nathaniel lets me.”
“Sienna, one day you'll be making the rules,” Devon said. “He's got to start letting you do things sometime.”
She tried to smile, but her heart was too broken.
“I miss you,” was all she managed to get out.
“I miss you, too,” he said. “Have you been well?”
“I've been mostly well,” she said. “A few mishaps. You look well.”
“Mm,” he replied. “The same. Much better since you brought me back to life.”
“That could be a metaphor,” she answered. “For so much. Except it isn't. That was something I could do, once.”
“You can do so much more than that, my love,” he answered. “So much more.”
“Right now, I feel like I can't do anything at all.”
“Oh, Sienna.” He sighed, trying to think of what he could do from world's away. “You can. Think of all the lives you've saved, all the people you've helped.”
“But what good is it if I can't do any of those things anymore?”
“Maybe it's just a sign that your life is headed in another direction,” he answered. “But I don't want to get to into this, when you've had a shock and it's clearly late. I'm sorry I woke you up.”
“It's all right.” She wiped the tears from her eyes. “I needed to hear from you. I just needed to know that you were out there.”
“Call me anytime,” he assured her. “I'll answer, for you.”
“I will,” she promised and he blew her a kiss before needing the call.
She fell back onto the pillow, her heart pounding. Talking to Devon, no matter how long they had been apart, always made her long for him. She wanted to be beside him almost every moment, and in the days following the interaction, she felt like she couldn't live without seeing him. It would fade, of course, but not by much.
On the other side of the small hallway, Desmond was locked in his own video conversation. He and Mariah had been talking for nearly an hour, but it wasn't getting any easier.
“What you're asking is the Jurors to overlook a huge incident,” she said. “They went out on a limb to give you Sienna.”
“I know they did,” he said. “But I won't be the first witch to see that his Tiro is not learning anymore. They have disagreed with every choice we've made with her. They never wanted her to be trained.”
“And you went against them, which is your signature,” Mariah said, with a sad smile. “And now you'll bring them another questionable source.”
“I didn't say I wanted to train this one,” Desmond answered. “And I don't see how making my obvious decision about Sienna affects my judgment of…”
“Desmond,” Mariah said, picking up a note in his voice. “Don't put me in the same box as the rest of the Jurors. You know I will not judge you for your choices. My only concern is that broken-hearted girl that you're bringing back. With your permission, I need to let her know that I will always be there for her.”
“You don't need my permission,” Desmond said. “Not anymore.”
She sighed. “I thought you wanted to train this new one.”
“No,” he said. “No, not for a moment.”
Mariah paused. “What do you want to do, then?”
“I think you know,” he said. Across a galaxy, she felt her heart leap.
“But that's not the reason,” she said. “That you left her, is it?”
“No,” he replied. “It's not the reason, but it could be a happy end to the story.”
She let out a long breath. She had waited years to have him say those words.
“When do you want to go?”
“I need to see this through,” he said. “But after that....”
“Well, we waited so long,” she replied. “A few weeks more is nothing.”
“I am serious this time, Mariah,” he said. “My mind is tired. My body is tired.”
“Then we shall rejuvenate each other,” she said. “Go, get some rest. It's late and you still have a dangerous day ahead.”
“Knowing my future, it will sail by,” he answered. “I'll see you soon.”
“Until then,” she said, and signed off.
Desmond sighed, putting his head in his hands. When he had taken this quest, he knew that it was going to be difficult. But he never would have been able to comprehend so many life-changing choices in one quest.
Saying the words out loud made things feel final, decided. He knew making the others understand his decision was going to be an upwards roller coaster He and Nathaniel hadn't really been apart in over 20 years. Nathaniel had grown so much, and today had forced him to step up to a whole new level. But would the young Maestro truly be all right on his own?
Would Sienna perhaps understand that he was tired. He was exhausted and not going to recover? Or would she stay angry and hurt for the rest of her career?
He couldn't think straight, shutting down the tablet and turning off his lights. He knew the morning was going to bring a difficult day, but right now, he just wanted the sweet oblivion of sleep.
It lasted about an hour, before commotion awoke him. He wasn't linked to Sienna, but he was linked to Nathaniel and he felt the panic as his former Tiro bolted down the hallway to Sienna's room. He scrambled out of bed, slamming his leg on the metal door frame as Nathaniel shot by.
There was a blue explosion that Desmond recognized as Sienna's unconstrained magic, the door crumbling and the momentary flash lighting up the room.
Desmond had never seen such an uncontrolled flash of power. Controlled, yes, as witches who were top of their game learned to divert their entire life force into their magic. But uncontrolled and raw was a brief reminder of how much power Sienna had within her.
“Sienna!” Nathaniel shot white magic to block hers, knowing that his paled in comparison Desmond pushed his wrists forward, adding to Nathaniel's shield as Sienna shrieked in horror. She hadn't done this in years, and she certainty hadn't done it since they started blocking her magic. “Sienna, you have to control this.”
“I can't,” came her anguished cry. “I can't.”
“Yes, you can,” Desmond said. “You have to, or you're going to bring this entire ship down.”
“Where's her meds?” Nathaniel asked. “Why does she have magic? What happened? Did you skip a dose?”
“I—” Sienna's tears were fresh all over again. “I wanted to-- I'm a witch. I'm a witch, I am.”
“Of course, you are,” Nathaniel said, confused. “No one said you weren't.”
“I did,” Desmond realized. “I told her she wasn't. I told her she couldn't be.”
“Wha---?” Nathaniel turned his head, and Desmond had to force the air out of his lungs.
“Not the time,” he growled but Nathaniel was stunned.
“Creator, damn it, could you not have—”
There was a sudden crack, and Nathaniel realized she was going to take the ship down in the next few moments. He didn't blame her. It wasn't entirely in her control. But if he didn't stop her, she was going to launch them into the nearest planet.
His Tiro was so powerful, so strong. She could have had such a bright future – had it not been for the fault in her stars. His heart was heavy as he pushed toward her, finally closing his fist over hers.
With her magic active, he could reach through the bond, trying to push calm into her, even though it would make it worse in the long run.
“Stop, stop, stop,” he cried, fighting against her as she whimpered. Having been this long without magic meant that she had lost any measure of control she would have had when using it constantly. “Sienna. Hush.”
Even as he was working with her, trying to absorb her magic through the bond and flood it out safety, his heart was breaking.
He knew what this meant for her future. She could never come off the magic blocking drugs, never slowly attempt to regain control. Every time she would try, there would be this pent-up explosion, this uncontrollable energy that she had all along.
“Ssh,” he said, as he was able to filter most of the magic out of her hands, looking up to Desmond. Sienna was shaking in pain, and he knew they would be in for a rough few days. She would be virtually useless in Eliza's negotiations, especially if they turned hostile.
Desmond was right, although he would never say it to her. She would never be a witch.