Chapter 15
“I promise all will be well.”
He used to do this when she was a child and upset. She liked to be reassured everything was fine, he wasn't going anywhere, and that she was stronger than she thought. He would repeat the words over and over until she felt them in her soul.
Only this time, the words weren't hollow blank reassurances that he thought she should already know. These were solid words when there were questions about her future.
“You knew?” she asked and Nathaniel sighed.
“He told me it was in his mind, but I was hoping that a quest with you would change his mind.”
“So, I did something wrong?” Sienna asked in horror and he took her hands, bending down from his place on the windowsill.
“No,” he said. “You did not, and you can't think you did. He did what he thought was best, Sienna, but that doesn't mean you took a wrong path.”
“He said I'll never pass the tests. And maybe he's right.”
“I took a vow,” Nathaniel said, “to serve as your Maestro and whether or not you will pass the tests in the traditional way doesn't make a difference to me, Sienna.”
“Nathaniel, had you not been distracted by me, had I had magic, that child might have lived.”
“Nature took its course,” Nathaniel said. “We all have a time to live and a time to die.”
“He was a child, Nathaniel.” Tears spilled down her face. “He didn't know any better. Someone just told him to come along, that he'd be a witch…and so he did, blindly.” The parallels to her own story were heartbreaking.
“Is that what you think?” he asked softly.
“I don't know what to think,” she replied. “I don't know how to feel, or what to do now.”
“You and I will figure it out together,” he said, and she nodded, although she seemed doubtful.
“Do you think…Desmond's in the cockpit. Should we stay here?”
“I don't think he wants to avoid you,” Nathaniel said. “He's not angry, Sienna. He's sad, mostly, from what I can feel.”
“I can't feel anything,” she pointed out, and he closed his eyes, fighting with his own emotions.
“You can,” he said. “Your magic is suppressed, but it's still there.”
“Our bond is broken,” she said.
“It isn't.”
“No, I mean…” she wiped away tears. “Desmond and I. He's chosen to break it, hasn't he?”
“It doesn't go away,” Nathaniel said. “Just because he chooses not to train you anymore. It's never really going to go away. Sometimes, I wish I wasn't bound to him, but it's as strong as when we were training. I don't think this has to be heartbreak, little one. I wouldn't be surprised if he chooses to retire, and that was the reason he stepped away when he did.”
“You think?” she asked. He tried to smile, not answering.
“Come on,” he said. “We'll do whatever you want. What is it that you want to do?”
She shook her head. “I'd rather just stay here,” she leaned back in her chair, watching space fly by. “If that's all right.”
“All right,” he said, settling into the lounge chair beside her. She looked at him in surprise
“You don't have to stay,” she said. “I know that you want to see Eliza.”
“I always want to see Eliza,” he replied. “But that doesn't change the fact that I want to be here for you.”
“You're not going to do the same thing?” she asked. “Do you promise?”
“I told you I made a vow,” he replied. “To you, to myself, to the magic.”
“But you didn't want me,” she pointed out, remembering the start of her training.
Nathaniel sighed. “I didn't know what I wanted, Sienna. I was young, I was…”
“No, you wanted a warrior,” she said. “Not a girl and not one who could never fight.”
“I thought that's what I wanted,” he answered. “But you've taught me so much, as a witch, as a Maestro. I was an idiot for thinking otherwise. And I want to train you now.”
She fell silent, staring off into space again. “He could have lived, Nathaniel,” she said, softly after a few minutes. Nathaniel didn't answer, knowing that words would not do her any good.
The boy could have lived, yes. She was right about those things. Had he not been distracted, if she had her magic, that child might have made it to the Academy. But Nathaniel wasn't going to dwell on those things when there was nothing that could be done.
He didn't see Desmond until long after dinner, when the ship was mostly asleep. At six p.m., Nathaniel felt his body shift, before reminding himself that they were no longer on that schedule. Six p.m. did not signal the time he needed to be alert and on call for his Tiro any longer. There was no off time, no relaxing. He was now all she had.
“We should speak,” Desmond said, as Nathaniel entered the cafeteria. The lights were flickering, but they were holding. The ship was sailing smoothly through space and would land by dawn, taking Eliza to hostile and dangerous negotiations.
“We should,” Nathaniel said. He didn't know what to say, really. Speaking to Desmond had always been comfortable and easy. Now, however, it felt awkward, difficult.
“Is she all right?”
“She might be,” Nathaniel answered. “I don't know. Losing a Maestro…”
“I'm still here,” Desmond said. “I still draw breath, and she can speak to me whenever she wishes. I will always answer.”
“If you're willing to do that,” Nathaniel pointed out. “Then why?”
“Because you and I both know it's best,” Desmond replied. “I believe we're playing a charade that needs to stop. I'm more useful elsewhere, as harsh as it is.”
“And you believe I should give up, too?” Nathaniel asked. “Two in one day?”
“I can no longer tell you what to do,” Desmond pointed out. “I can only advise.”
“Would you advise it?”
“I would.” Desmond leaned against the counter. “But I take it you are not open to that suggestion?”
“A child is dead,” Nathaniel replied. “Because you chose to leave Sienna and bring on a new batch of questionable potentials”
“That is not why that boy is dead,” Desmond said. “We both know it.”
“What did you want her to do? Resurrection magic opens a black hole of souls and nearly kills her,” Nathaniel half-spat. “Is that what you wanted? You wished she could do that, regardless of the consequences for herself?”
“No,” Desmond said. “I wished…” He took a deep breath, looking at the ground. Nathaniel was surprised to find a wave of emotion go through his former Maestro. “I wish that she could have had a normal few years, learning, training and succeeding When I took her on, that's all I wanted for her. For all my Tiros, really.”
“But we've all been such odd balls, and let you down, haven't we?” Nathaniel answered.
“No,” Desmond replied. “I've let you down. I've run many years on half-energy, on half a heart. I got us exiled, Nathaniel, for loving Mariah, and I taught you that it was all right for so long that you are in danger of doing the same.”
“It won't be the case,” Nathaniel assured him. “Don't worry.”
“That's what I thought,” Desmond replied. “And then suddenly I couldn't go a day without speaking with her, and I started to think of a life outside of this. I see the way you and see Eliza look at each other, how you dream. Your life is going to be between a rock and a hard place with a Tiro who will never succeed, and because of that, your success will be limited. Is that the best way to serve the magic? Don't be angry, Nathaniel, answer me truthfully.”
“No,” Nathaniel said, after a few moments, his breathing harsh. “That is not the best way to serve the magic.”
“Then why are you continuing to do it?” Desmond asked, and Nathaniel shook his head.
“Don't do that. Don't bait me. I can't do that to her. She's my Tiro, my first. I can't just walk away.”
“Then do it for her,” Desmond pleaded. “For the life she could live, away from this path she is not meant to walk.”
“The path she wants to walk is with me!” Nathaniel roared at him.
Silence fell over both of them and Desmond drummed his fingers ever so lightly against the counter.
“Yes,” he said. “That is true. But there are others.”
Nathaniel look away, afraid that he might cry or throw something. “Maestro, do not ask this of me,” he said.
“I'm not asking anything of you,” Desmond answered. “Only that you consider what you are doing.”
“I'm going to bed,” Nathaniel said as a reply.
“Find Devon,” Desmond called and Nathaniel spun on his heel, confused.
“What?”
“Find Devon for her,” he said. “Bring her to him. Maybe that will be enough for her to realize that she shouldn't be on this path.”
“And her path is with him? Are you mad?” Nathaniel said. “That boy was nothing but trouble for her. How many times did he nearly get her killed, make her sick? There's no way I'm letting…”
“When he was a witch trying to walk a different path, he was trouble for you,” Desmond said. “Because he showed her that way and she went willingly. And only when you and I showed up did she rethink, coward backwards. Her heart went in his footsteps.”
“Don't,” Nathaniel said. “Don't even think it around her. You chose to walk away, Desmond, and that is fine. I accept your choice. But now I am her Maestro, and you have to respect my wishes and orders with her. Do not even suggest her taking a walk in a garden by herself, do you understand me?”
Desmond looked away. “As you wish.”
“Thank you,” Nathaniel stormed off, resisting the urge to magically slam the door behind him.
He would not have gotten so angry if he didn't feel like Desmond's words had truth in them. Sienna's relationship with Devon had been dangerous for that very reason, and he wanted to make sure she had nothing to do with him. His relationship with Eliza was always under the understanding that they would not make each other stray from their duties, except in dreams. If she wasn't capable of forming a relationship like that, he did not want his Tiro to have one at all.
Not that she should be having one at all.
He knew he wasn't going to sleep, so he went to find his Queen in question.
Eliza was in the communications room, sending messages back to Jeffro. When she saw Nathaniel , she spun in her chair, holding her arms open.
He grasped her like she was his oxygen, kissing everywhere he could.
“Are you all right?” she asked him, concerned.
“Never leave me,” he said, and she pulled him close.
“Never,” she promised. “I promise you.”
He buried his face in her golden hair, inhaling her sweet scent.
“Good,” he said. “Because I can't do this alone.”
“You're not alone,” she promised him. “I'm here. She'll have us, always.”
“I love you,” he whispered, and she kissed him gently.
“I love you, too,” she said. “Come what may.”
He closed his eyes, taking comfort in her very presence.
“Hopefully,” he said. “What is coming is only happiness.”