Chapter 19
“I'm going to come with you,” Devon said, when they finally returned to the ship. Nathaniel had absolutely no idea how long Devon had been there, nor how much of that visit he had spent sitting on Sienna's bed, holding her hand. His only reprieve in all of this was that his Tiro looked a bit stronger than when he had left. She wasn't, however, speaking to him. Her face was toward the floor, and while her color was better, her vitals were still low. He was worried, especially when she wouldn't look at him. She had never been angry at him, not like this. His heart was already heavy with the burdens of the past few days, but this made it sink completely.
“To the school? To the Jurors? To the Order that you left?” Nathaniel couldn't help but snap at the boy. He didn't want him here, not at such a fragile time. If Sienna couldn't learn the balance her heart and her commitment, then he had failed her.
Just a few days ago, he would have given anything to see that she was well. To now be at such odds with her made him want to rewind and start from the top.
Perhaps the very top, the very first moment they had met.
“That's what she wants.”
“Sienna can speak for herself, Devon,” Nathaniel said. “And she can certainty speak to me. It's not appropriate.”
“Don't tell me about appropriate,” Sienna replied. “Don't talk to me about whether or not I don't have to feel alone. You left.”
“I had to,” he said. “And I didn't leave you for good, Sienna. I didn't decide to end your training.”
“But will you?” her eyes flashed. “Will you when we go back and they make you answer for what you've done, and why you did it?”
For that, he had no answer, which frightened him.
“Fine,” he said at last. “Devon can take passage with us back to the school. Whether or not the Jurors grant him entrance will be a different story. But that can be the case.”
“And Eliza?” Sienna asked.
“Eliza will stay here,” Nathaniel answered. Despite her anger, her heart panged for him. “She has a new planet to rule now.”
“Oh,” she said, softly.
“Devon,” Nathaniel made one last ditch attempt to regain control. “Can you at least give us a few minutes?”
“Do you want that?” he turned to Sienna, who nodded.
Devon slid off the bed and headed out the door.
Nathaniel knew he could say so many horrible things to her, so many angry things. Instead, he took a deep breath, trying to regain control in his voice, and spoke quietly, “He seems well,” he said, exhibiting all the control that a witch must exhibit.
“Better,” she answered, still not looking at him. He sighed, sitting down on the bed beside her.
“Sienna, what is it?” he asked. “What are you fearing?”
“What is going to happen when we return?” she asked. “Because something has changed.”
“It has,” he agreed, sinking onto the bed beside her.
“Are you going to leave me, too?”
He wanted to say no, with absolutely certainty. He wanted to assure her that it would never happen, just as he had done before he left.
But this quest had changed things, and now he wasn't so sure.
Or rather, he was sure, but he wasn't entirely positive he had the heart to do it.
“We don't know what is going to happen,” he said. “I killed a monarch, a birthright monarch. They could pull me away from you forever.”
“No,” she said, determined. “It is not the Juror's choice, only their recommendation”
“That may be the case in most choices,” he said. “But I went against Nature in one of the highest degrees, and you have to prepare for the consequence of that.”
She put her head on her knees.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, after a moment. “I haven't looked at the medical reports yet, but you look better.”
“Yes,” she answered. “Slowly. It might be awhile, I was told.”
“Well, then that's what it is,” he answered, closing his eyes. “I'm sorry, Sienna.”
“For what?” she asked. “I know you, you did what you had to do.”
“I responded that way because I couldn't think.,” he said. “All I saw was Eliza, on the floor. And three seconds before, Desmond had told me—did something happen with you?”
“I crashed,” she answered, and his eyes went wide.
“Oh Creator.” He put his head in his hands. “Sienna, I'm sorry.”
She said nothing to that, hugging her knees.
“Can I see Devon now?”
“Sure,” he said, sliding off the bed and feeling useless. He used to be able to think under pressure, thrive under it. Now, he might as well be half-drunk, for all his mind was working.
Eliza was still on board, retrieving her personal items. It wasn't a time for romantic goodbyes, but Nathaniel did want to say goodbye to her. Every time they say goodbye, it was on the hope, not the promise, that they would see each other again.
She was folding a jacket, which wasn't like her. She had people to do that for her, servants to do everything but breathe for her.
“This will not be an easy planet to secure,” Nathaniel said to her, leaning in the door way. “Your workload doubled, if not tripled.”
“Building an empire,” she said. “But do not think it's because I am power hungry “
“I know,” he said. “You have to take care of your people.”
“And you have to take care of yours,” she said, softly. “Don't give up, Nathaniel. Please don't.”
He sighed. “I may not have a choice in the matter. And even if I do…what kind of life am I giving her? Am I doing more harm than good, just because I'm stubborn.”
“I can't tell you what to do, my love,” she said, softly. “I can only be here to support you.”
He shook his head. “I'll call you,” he said. “As soon as I know anything. But it'll probably be awhile before we…go out again, her and I. She crashed, that's what Desmond felt. She could have died, and I wasn't there. Or worse…I could have pushed to take her out, and then what?”
“The death of a warrior,” Eliza said. “That is what she wants, ever since she accepted death was inevitable.”
He cocked his head. “How do you know that?”
Eliza smiled. “We are closer than you think,” she replied. “And we talk about you, often.”
“That, I don't want to know about.” Nathaniel stepped forward. “One last kiss, my love, before you depart?”
She leaned in, putting her arms around his neck. Their kiss was sweet, soft and passionate. She may be a Queen, and soon an Empress, but Eliza would always be his love, his one and only heart.
“Thank you,” he whispered, putting his forehead on hers. “I'll walk you out.”
“Don't,” she said. “It will be too hard.”
Her eyes flashed, though, it was with more than emotion.
“You don't want them to know you have a weakness, an attachment.”
“Usurpers are threatened their whole lives,” she said. “They will find anything to try to take me off their throne. It might be twenty years before this settles.”
“If only you could make them promise to just not attack Jeffro.”
'If only diplomacy was that easy,” she answered. “I think I have everything.”
“I'll bring it back to you if you don’t,” he said. “Personally.”
Saying goodbye to Eliza was always the hardest thing he ever had to do. But this time, as the ship took off, he felt his heart rip out.
“The Jurors are already aware of the situation that unfolded on Natrine,” Desmond said, when Nathaniel joined him in the cockpit. “We'll be met in the hanger.”
Nathaniel expected as much, and tried not to show his fear.
“And?”
“You and I will both be questioned, likely half the night,” Desmond said. “In solitary.”
“In solitary?” Nathaniel said in shock. “Why?”
“Because if the killing of a natural born monarch was premeditated, our ideologies could spread,” Desmond said. “And the last thing they want is for us to recruit others.”
“But it wasn't ...”
“I know,” Desmond said. “But those are the rules.”
“Wait,” Nathaniel replied. “I have a Tiro who needs me. They can't keep us apart. No one can separate us, those are the rules.”
“That is true,” Desmond said. “So she will be questioned, as well.”
'But she wasn't even there!” Nathaniel cried.
“Nathaniel,” Desmond said. “Are you thinking with your head? You know these are standard procedures”
“But Sienna's different,” Nathaniel said and Desmond gave him a sad smile.
'Yes, that's been the case all along, hasn't it?” Desmond asked. “They have always made allowances for her, for us.”
“They haven't made it easy,” Nathaniel answered. “We've had to lie to them, to seal her files, to go over and under rather than straight through. How were we supposed to train her, when they put all those roadblocks in our way? They crippled us from the start.”
“They told us that she wasn't going to make a good witch, for so many reasons,” Desmond answered.
“They did not mean to damn her. It was the way of Nature, Nathaniel, that her body is the way it was, and we are trying to go against the laws of Nature, with these drugs, with this training. She isn't meant to be a witch, Nature didn't intend that.”
Nathaniel said nothing, staring out into space as he let out a long breath.
“I can't think about this,” Nathaniel said at last, leaving forward. “Why don't you get some rest? I'm going to fly manually for a while.”
“Manually?” Desmond asked in surprise “It's a long flight.”
“I know, but I want a distraction,” Nathaniel answered. “The only way this could get worse is if they just filmed the fact that Eliza and I kissed in her bedroom. Which, knowing the Jurors, they probably already know.”
“Nathaniel,” Desmond ran a hand over his face. “Was Mariah and I getting us exiled not enough of a warning for you?”
“Devon is staying on board with us,” Nathaniel said. “Like Maestro, like Tiro.”
Desmond wanted to say so much, but he stayed silent, rising. Sienna was no longer his to reprimand, praise or comment on.
“Call me if you need me,” he said. “I don't mind taking over. Or, in reality, putting it on autopilot.”
“Thanks,” Nathaniel said, half-heartedly
“It's been a ride,” Desmond said, putting his hand on Nathaniel's shoulder “I don't regret it. I'm not sorry it happened.”
“It's been an honor,” Nathaniel said, meaning that as his former Maestro left. He just hoped that honor didn't turn into horror when they landed.