Kesari

 

“Huh? Where am I? Where are my glasses?” I muttered, sitting up and trying to get my bearings. I’d meant to take a brief nap in the office and judging by the shadows, it had been hours. Something slipped off of me and I blinked at Roy’s hoodie. “Where did this come from?”

My glasses were folded up on the side table and I plucked them up, sliding them on and frowning. Who had come in here and done this? Dez? Dara?

But Dez was out and about, and Dara was on patrol. I let out a small gasp and leaped to my feet. That meant…

Grabbing the hoodie without thinking, I clattered downstairs, anxiously winding my fingers through my hair and trying not to look less a mess.

Rounding a corner, I stopped and peered out, heart slamming up against my ribcage.

Roy was right there, listening and talking, in deep conversation. His face was serious, his blue eyes concerned and he nodded. Then a small grin cracked his face as he chuckled and I pulled back around the corner, hands clasped together at my chest.

Had he gotten taller? More handsome? And why was I acting like a fangirl?

Taking a deep breath, I tried to compose myself, but I couldn’t. It took me several minutes to get up the nerve to step back out. There are other people there, it’s fine…

No one was there.

Shoulders slumping, I stared around and realized he must have left. Rubbing my arm, I decided I’d go get my stuff and head home, too.

“Looking for me?” asked a voice in my ear.

Leaping into the air, I bit back a scream, as I turned and almost fell at the same time. Two hands caught my elbows, steadying me and Roy was grinning down at me with wicked amusement.

“No,” I said hotly, brushing him off. “And you should know better than to sneak up on me. I could have punched you or something.”

Roy raised an eyebrow, his eyes dancing. “I’d like to see that. Go ahead. Give it your best shot.” He tapped his chin. “Right here, Kes.”

“Do you have a penchant for getting punched?” I demanded.

“I won’t get punched,” he said smugly, poking my side and I jumped. “Go ahead.”

I swatted at him, laughing. “I’m not going to punch you!”

“Maybe tomorrow,” he suggested, his hands falling to his sides and fiddling with his pockets.

“Sure, put it off for a better season,” I said, shaking my head.

Roy stepped a little closer and looked down at me. I watched his eyes trace across my face and he said, abruptly, “You were asleep earlier. I think that means we should go home.”

Our fingers brushed against each other and we both jumped, glancing down at the same time. When our eyes met again, the tension tugged sharply between us and I saw it in Roy’s eyes.

The widening and dilation of his pupils, the quick breath, and nervous smile.

Our palms suddenly pressed together and our fingers clasped.

It seemed the most natural thing in the world, even as I found myself floating a little.

Dizzy at the sight, I watched as Roy lifted his other hand and brushed my hair back from my face. The sweetness of it made me want to remember every last second, every heartbeat and intake of breath. There was a look in his eyes that made me wonder if I was dreaming all of this.

“Boss!” came a shout down the hall and Roy looked up, his lip curling and hand pulling free of mine. “Has anyone seen Roy?”

The shout woke me up and I stepped away, tucking my hair behind my ears and all but running away as several agents flashed by me. There was some kind of commotion going on and I saw Roy snap into productivity mode.

A hand landed on my shoulder. Dara.

“I’m taking you home, kiddo,” she said grimly. She looked exhausted, with snow in her hair and shadows under her eyes. But there was a triumphant glint for all that.

“What happened?” I asked as we walked outside, Roy swallowed up in the crowd.

"Two hybrids were spotted nearby. There are enough agents now that we can circle and possibly take them in." As soon as she said it, shifters streamed out the front doors, running and vanishing in the snow. I thought I saw a blur of silver, but by the time I turned, they were gone.

 

Roy was gone all night.

I know, because I lay awake, fiddling with the blankets and trying not to have a panic attack. Every dark fear was crawling up and suffusing me. I couldn’t stop them.

Sometime around five, I couldn’t take it anymore and went out to the kitchen. I was filling up the coffee pot with water when I heard the door open and Roy came shuffling in. He was wearing a change of clothes and his hair was wet. He stopped when he saw me and glanced at the clock.

“Why you are up at all these weird times lately? Are you not sleeping?” Roy asked.

“Any luck?” I asked, dodging the question with zero finesse.

Roy frowned, then nodded. “I think we’ve got a good idea of where they are coming from at least. But nothing beyond that. Snowstorm.” Yawning, he shook his head. “I took a shower at Obi’s and now I’m going to bed for a few hours. You didn’t answer my question.”

I was opening the coffee bag slowly, unreasonably feeling like Roy was getting pulled away from me. Shouldn’t you be okay with that? Asked a snide little voice.

“Oh, no, I’m sleeping fine,” I murmured, looking up and trying to smile.

“How come you’re not using the new coffee?” Roy asked, gazing at me sleepily.

“Huh?” I asked.

Roy gestured at the reusable canvas bag on the counter. “Presents,” he grinned.

"For me?" I asked, waking up a little and going over. Inside were two bags of fresh, organic dark-roasted coffee beans, chocolate-covered espresso beans, and wine.

“No, this is actually all for Obi, you think it’s okay?” Roy asked seriously. I turned around and swung at him without thinking. Laughing he caught my fist. “Not bad, but I’m also tired. Not fair.”

“Can’t wait for conditions to be perfect,” I said, mimicking something Roy had said to me once during training.

“Oh, yeah, sure, throw my words in my face.” Roy let me go and stretched, his shirt riding up, showing a strip of muscled stomach. My face went hot. “Also, there’s more wine in that one. And vineyard brochures.” I stared at him and he gave me a nervous look. “What? I wanted to–oof.”

I’d thrown myself at Roy, hugging him around the neck and trying not to cry. It was so sweet and unnecessary. I didn’t need any of this and he’d spent time picking it all out. And then the brochures! He’d remembered. I’d mentioned that once. People usually forgot little details like that.

“Thank you,” I said, my voice muffled against his shoulder.

His arms went low around my waist, lifting me off the ground and I tightened my grip. “It was nothing,” he muttered, sounding embarrassed. “I was thinking – I mean I-I missed you.”

Lifting my head, I pressed my cheek against his. I wish you were mine.

A yawn interrupted the moment and I laughed as he put me down. “Go to bed.”

Ruffling my hair, he nodded and said, “Sorry about training. Tomorrow.”

“So you keep saying,” I joked.

Roy paused in walking away and a guilty look crossed his face. “I am sorry, Kesari. I know I was gone longer than I said I would be.” He hesitated. “Family things came up.” His expression became wry and his lips twisted slightly, in humor or annoyance, I couldn’t tell. “Literally.”

“Yeah, Dara mentioned your mother was in town,” I said lightly.

He nodded and dragged a hand over his face, looking exhausted. “Yeah.”

“Well, if you need anything,” I said awkwardly, feeling lame and useless. He was walking away and paused, turning back. My throat suddenly closed up and I choked a little as I cleared it. “Let me know.” Now I was waving and looking down. “You know I’m here for you.”

Cheeks heating up, I wished I hadn’t said anything at all. Roy was going to think I was so stupid, so childish…

Moving towards me, Roy’s arms went out and pulled me against him, one hand cupping the back of my head and the other gripping my waist. My cheek found its familiar place on his shoulder and I closed my eyes as I settled my arms around him again. I never got tired of this.

“Thank you,” Roy said, his voice warm and rough. “I–” He laughed. “It’s a long story.”

“Tomorrow, maybe?” I asked, knowing I should step away and not letting go.

“One of these days,” he murmured. “I’ll tell you the whole thing.”

My hands were drifting up and down his back, my fingers just touching the hard lines of his muscles and I caught myself, stepping back in almost a leap.

I can’t believe I did that, I thought. What is wrong with me?

Roy seemed amused and even sleepier. “Good night, Kes.” He gave me a grin, shoving his hands back in his pockets and swinging around. “Enjoy that coffee.”

Left alone, I gripped the counter and hung my head, taking deep breaths. I had to get it under control. But as I straightened up, brushing my hair back from my face and looking around the kitchen, I wondered if I was making a mistake in fighting so hard.

Maybe it could work. Maybe I could…

“Needed a glass of water,” Roy was suddenly saying, and I thought I did too. My mouth was dry as I watched him stride to the cabinet, wearing nothing but thick socks and sweats. The light cut across his naked chiseled back as he stood there and I stared, lips parted and utterly woozy.

Turning back to me, he gave me a small smile, winked, and then left again.

“Have-have a good sleep!” I squeaked, my face flaming.

Or maybe you’re dreaming, Kesari! screamed a voice in my head as I tried not to daydream about Roy shirtless in the kitchen and failing spectacularly.