Kesari

 

It was snowing as we exited my parent’s house, heading for the idling taxi at the curb. And I was being more careful not to spill my thermos of coffee than to keep my shoes from getting wet.

As I crawled into the back, settling next to mother, she gave me a look and ruffled her pert, delicate nose. “Kessi, you’ll smell like coffee. Make sure you at least take a breath mint,” my mother chided gently, then shot a look at my father, who was laughing. “Somil, it is not funny.”

“Well, what else is new? Kesari is part-coffee. I blame your mother for her addiction. One summer in Italy with that woman and she comes back an addict at fourteen.” My father grinned jovially, his white teeth gleaming in brown face. He was dressed in a gold and black silk kurt churidar, while my mother and I wore sarees.

We were going to an engagement party, a mangni, for an Iyer cousin. It was going to be an outrageously lavish and enjoyable affair, yet I wasn’t looking forward to it at all.

“It’s fine, Mama, I’ll take a mint,” I said tiredly, leaning back.

Glancing at my phone, I wished someone would randomly call me. Roy, Piper, Balt, Kai, Isla or, as my stomach clenched, Dez.

It had been weeks and all I’d gotten was a text assuring me he was okay. But he wouldn’t call me back or tell me where he was. Dez, inexplicably, had become a mystery.

“Oh, I can’t believe you’re moving out next week and across the world,” my mother said, slipping an arm around me. “And I can’t believe you’re not done packing.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll visit and call all the time,” I said.

My father gently interjected, distracting my mother and winking at me. I was exhausted from packing all day and trying to coordinate a new team with Roy. Again, my stomach twisted. Reaching up, I tugged on the earrings he’d given me and bit my lip, wondering fruitlessly.

For whatever reason, the last few days it had been hard to get a hold of him.

I missed him. I couldn’t believe how much I missed him. How he was missing from me. Every morning I woke up and stared at the other side of the bed, unwrinkled and un-mussed. Or I’d be working, look up and realize I wasn’t at the Cantina and Roy wasn’t sitting across the table.

It was like being deprived of oxygen every moment we were apart. But at the same time, I’d no desire for this longing to stop. This was love, true love and it was all-consuming.

Hell, yes, it was scary. Yes, sometimes I remembered that look in Piper’s eyes in Greece.

But then I’d see the one in Roy’s, the burn of blue fire as he raced across the snow, joy overtaking the broken look in his eyes. The way we crashed together. The way he’d held me.

I thought you were gone.

Then how he’d kissed me, his entire body shaking with raw, stripped to the bone gratitude.

In that moment, I understood and I knew. I knew it was stupid to waste your time worrying about things that may or may not happen. To push away what was right in front of you.

For me, that was Roy. It would always be Roy.

For fear, it turned out, had nothing on love.

We came to a stop and I drained the rest of my coffee, stashing it in my bag and eating several mints. Once inside the hotel ballroom, my father and mother were swept away by uncles and aunts, while I was lost in an avalanche of cousins.

“Oh my God, Kessi,” raved my younger cousin Unni. “I can’t believe you’re moving to America and you have an actual American boyfriend!” Like I’d got him a store, I thought wryly. “I heard he’s blond and handsome and tall – is he blond? Like David Beckham?”

“He’s actually Icelandic and Russian,” I said, but they ignored me, chattering on about visiting me, shopping, and going to Disney Land. It made me laugh a little, even as my heart ached. I tried not to think about how Roy seemed to have no interest in meeting my family.

But maybe it’s a good thing Roy stayed far away from Berlin. My family is a lot to handle.

Later as the dancing began and the conversation swelled, I found a place to hover in the background and watch my cousin Aurima dance with her future husband. Butterflies popped up in my stomach and I placed my hands flat on the wall to steady myself.

Would this be me and Roy someday? I couldn’t help but try to picture it. Would he be okay with all of this? Maybe that’s why he didn’t want to come.

He’d have to deal with my rambunctious, noisy, and nosy family.

My grandmother fussing over him and my father trying to convert him to being a soccer fan. My uncles forcing wine on him, my aunts gossiping and my cousins giggling.

Never mind my mother’s side. My mother drilling him about his five-year-plans, my grandmother muttering things in French about Russians and my aunt Fifi getting drunk?

I put a hand to my forehead now. Oh, God, what was I thinking? Of course, Roy couldn’t come here. They’d eat him alive. He’d go running for the hills. I had to keep him as far away from them as possible and for as long as possible. I bit my lip. I had to–

“You’re not dancing?” asked a voice in my ear.

A small scream burst from my startled lips and the people near us turned around. The blond man next to me plastered a smile on his face as he leaned back and tried to look nonchalant.

Not like he’d just scared his girlfriend half to death.

I smiled and gave an awkward wave as my relatives raised eyebrows, most of them turning back around. Thankfully the music was loud enough that no one else seemed to have heard me, but I knew word would spread fast and I had to get my heart rate under control.

Our fingers linked as I asked in a shaking voice, staring down, “What are you doing here?”

“I didn’t mean to – um,” Roy trailed off and when I glanced over at him, I saw he had a hand to his face, covering his mouth. But the crinkle at his eyes gave him away.

“Don’t laugh at me!” I cried, pulling my hand free and swatting him. “I told you to stop sneaking up on me, Roy. Of course, I screamed! I thought you were thousands of miles away and you pop up at my cousin’s engagement party? Have you lost your mind? What is so funny?”

Roy started laughing into his hand then, his eyes closed and bending over at the waist. It was then I stepped back and took him in. He was dressed in an impeccable black suit, a rose in his lapel and his hair newly cut, while his scruff was neatly trimmed.

He caught me looking and grinned, coughing a little as he stifled the rest of his laughter and straightened. “I’m sorry for startling you, Dr. Iyer. You were lost in thought and I couldn’t resist… I’ll have to find some way to make it up to you.” His eyes tracked me from head to toe and I flushed wildly. “May I just say, you are breathtaking tonight.”

It was hard to think with Roy looking at me like that. My hands landed on his forearms as he cupped the back of my elbows and smiled down at me.

“You’re really here–” I said, then my eyes went wide and I sucked in a breath. Here. Family. Mine. Oh, Lord above, this is bad. “Roy, you have to leave. Almost all of my father’s side of the family is here. They’ll want to meet you. You’ll be inundated with questions and requests, have to listen to silly stories, and then make promises that you’ll be a good hus–”

I choked on that last word and looked down.

“Why...” Roy’s lips brushed across my ear and I shivered. “Is that a problem?”

“What?” I asked, looking up.

“I’m here to meet your family, Kes. Me and my parents.” Roy glanced right and I followed his gaze, watching my mother talk effusively to Minna and a blond-haired man with a rakish mop of white-blonde hair and glasses. “Turns out my mother does business with your Uncle Badri. He kindly extended an invitation to his daughter’s engagement party.”

“Roy,” I whispered. “You don’t have to do this.”

“I know,” he said, smiling in that way that made his face and eyes light up. “But I wanted to. Plus, I’m here to help you pack. You’re trying to do too many things at once and I know you want to organize your belongings in a way that requires someone, namely me, to be ordered around to do so.” His hands tightened. “And life is too short to waste a minute without you, Kesari. You were missing from me. I couldn’t take it.”

Reaching up, I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him.

I kissed him not caring my entire family was in the room and my grandmother was probably watching – I kissed him after not seeing him for over three weeks – which isn’t a long time in the grand scheme of a billion-year-old universe, but it was far too long for me.

Roy kissed me back at first, then stiffened in surprise and gently pulled back. “Kesari,” he hissed. “What are you doing? I haven’t even met your parents yet, I don’t want to make a bad–”

“Kesari!” boomed a voice and Roy went white as my father appeared next to us. “Introduce me and your uncle to your young man, here. I do hope he is your boyfriend…”

My uncle Badri had followed him over and his eyes twinkled. “Don’t look so worried, Royse. We are all old friends here – the Iyers and the Weslarks and the Zimas.”

“Royse?” I asked, delighted.

“Full name,” he muttered with a wince.

“Oh, well, Dad, Uncle, this is Royse Zima-Weslark,” I said wickedly. “My boyfriend and SOA partner. We’ll be working together in San Francisco on several initiatives.”

We all looked expectantly at Roy, who stammered out, “I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t realize – I should have said hello earlier.”

“You’re sorry for kissing my daughter?” my father asked, folding his arms and Roy made a choked sound. “And you are her boyfriend? Badri, that is not a good sign.”

“Perhaps we should have their horoscope read or have him sit with mother, Somil,” Uncle Badri slyly suggested. “Make sure he’s a good enough for our Kesari.”

Roy looked like he wanted to sink through the floor and now I was fighting down laughter.

“Stop it, both of you,” my mother chided as she approached us. “Roy, it is so nice to meet you. Ignore these two, they’re always causing trouble.”

With that, she pulled him away and my uncle Badri followed, chortling. But my father stopped me and smiled over at me. He touched my cheek and let out a sigh.

“There,” he said, happily. “There is my daughter. The light has come back into your eyes. You were missing him with all your heart, weren’t you Kessi? That’s why you’ve been so quiet and lost. It is not like you, songbird.”

I nodded and glanced after Roy, who was visible in a crowd of aunts and cousins, looking nervous, but gamely smiling. “I was. I love him.”

“Then he is the luckiest man in the world,” my father said, kissing me on the temple. As we walked over, Roy met my eyes and he smiled that perfect smile of his, the one meant only for me. “Ah, good,” my father laughed. “He knows.”

“And don’t worry, Papa,” I said with a roll of my eyes. “He’s a perfect gentleman, sometimes too much so.”

Roy heard that his smile freezing as he shot me a look. But then my aunt was pulling him down to talk to her and I laughed as he vanished into a knot of female relations.

“Wait, what is that supposed to mean?” my father asked and I flushed.

Eyes wide, I squeaked out, “Nothing, don’t worry about it.” And darted away.

The rest of the evening passed in a swirl of laughter and dancing. Roy got his feet under him and charmed my family as easily as any Weslark could while remaining straight-backed as a Zima. My aunts were smitten and my uncles were impressed. My parents were over the moon.

I spent time with his mother and father, talking about science, politics, and Shifters of Anubis. His father was a bit more rumpled than I would have expected, but I could see the brilliance and gentleness in him that Roy had. The warrior and hidden sweetness from his mother.

By the end of the night, I couldn’t remember what I was worried about earlier. Life was too short for that. And later, when Roy managed to sneak us outside, to kiss in the snow and whisper promises, I told him I was the luckiest girl in the world.

“Luck had nothing to do with it,” Roy said.

“What?” I asked, reaching up to brush snow out of his hair.

“You know your physics, Dr. Iyer,” he said with a teasing grin. “Magnetism, attracting forces and all that. You and I were pulled irreversibly together.”

“Oh, are you talking science to me?” I murmured. “Tell me more.”

“Mm, well see, wherever you go, that’s where I have to go. I have no choice. You are where I’m always trying to be.” He smiled softly and poked my cheek. “You are my heart.”

“That’s better than physics,” I declared. “That’s love, you silly old gentleman of a romantic Icelandic-Russian,” I said, as our lips brushed. “And it’s far more powerful.”

“Love and physics, all the same,” Roy joked and I laughed. “I love you.”

“I love you,” I said. “And thank you. You keep surprising me. Although I’d appreciate if you’d maybe stop doing it literally.”

“Weslarks have a habit of keeping people on their toes,” Roy said with a grin. “So, hey, I make no promises.” He brushed back my hair as I stuck out my tongue at him. “I do promise to try to be the best version of myself – the man I see in your eyes. Though, loving you and you loving me, you make it easy, Kes. I will always love you, it’s a universal law and there is no turning back.”

“Only moving forward together,” I said, our fingers linking together. “You’re my heart, too, Roy. I promise I'll never let fear stop me again. I refuse. Because love is bigger than that. And I will always love you.”

Roy pulled me closer and we stood there, watching the snow swirl down, keeping each other warm and safe. Maybe there were more promises to make and more things to talk about, but we were quiet.

All we needed was our linked fingers – linking us to what we’d already been through – and what was to come.

Shamelessly in love and unafraid.

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