Chapter Forty-One
“SO YOU like my brother,” Barve said when Elliot ran into him in the kitchen, and when a couple of other boys had made drinks, grabbed snacks and left. Barve was wearing a blue mini-skirt and matching eyeliner along with a yellow jumper.
“Yes,” Elliot answered. “I should have realised I was falling for him earlier and I might have spared you some pain. I’m sorry.”
Barve shrugged. He looked pale beneath the make-up but sounded calm. “It’s not really anyone’s fault and apparently everyone saw else saw that you liked each other, so maybe I just didn’t want to see it. In that case, I suppose it’s partly my own fault.”
“No, it’s not and, anyway, we don’t. I care for him but he doesn’t feel the same way.” Elliot sat down at the kitchen table and, after a pause, Barve sat opposite him, drink in hand, looking confused. “You’re amazing. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone with such a kind heart and you’re going to find someone who’ll make you happy.” He knew the words were a cliché but he meant them.
“I hope so.” Barve looked down at his drink and spoke with what looked like an effort. “So you’ve talked to Fal about his feelings?”
“I asked him out. He refused.”
“Perhaps he’ll change his mind.” Barve had an unreadable expression on his face.
“Feelings are either there or they aren’t.” He tried to smile but it felt awkward. “Perhaps it’s a sign that we should all concentrate on our university work. That’s what I intended to do when I first came here, but somehow I got sidetracked.” He had begun university less than three months ago but it felt as if he had experienced an entire lifetime while he was here and aged a hundred years. Perhaps the whole business with Dervyl and her people was another pointless distraction and he should leave her to do whatever she wanted without him.
“It would be easier for you if we weren’t in your lives.” Barve looked as if he was facing something painful that he should have known long ago.
For a second it even occurred to Elliot that Barve was right, but Elliot knew at once that that wasn’t what he wanted. No matter how painful it was having to be around Farlden, Elliot couldn’t walk away. Besides, if Barve could cope with Elliot’s rejection and still want to be friends, Elliot couldn’t bear to cause him any more pain by refusing.
He said lightly, “I wouldn’t know what to do with an easy life. It sounds boring.”
* * *
“How are you?” Fal asked, standing awkwardly by the window as Barve moved some clothes and sat down in the chair. Fal had never in his life been so unsure of what to say to his brother, but he had never before hurt him so badly.
“I’ll be all right.” His quiet, even voice didn’t fool Fal. Barve was miserable and it was Fal’s fault. “Elliot said you didn’t care about him. You lied to him about your feelings for my sake, didn’t you?”
“I’ve hurt you too much already. I’m not going to get involved with Elliot.”
“What’s the point in us all being miserable? If you and Elliot have a chance of something special, you have to take it.”
He shouldn’t have been surprised at his brother’s generosity, but the words brought a lump to Fal’s throat, even as they made him more certain that he was doing what was right. He didn’t let himself think about what he was giving up: he wasn’t going to take happiness at Barve’s expense. “You’ve already gone through hell and I won’t cause you even more pain.”