EMILY
“Come on!” I encouraged everyone over my shoulder. “You can do it! We can do it!”
I couldn’t believe I was up at the butt crack of dawn to climb Camelback Mountain. I also couldn’t believe it was my brilliant idea. It wasn’t scaling up cliffs with ropes or the kind of crazy things I saw on TV, it was a simple hiking trail. At times it was a bit tricky navigating around the rocks and boulders and it was steep in spots, but I had to say, it was a great workout.
I met Maggie and Andrea in the parking lot of Echo Canyon at five thirty. It was amazing how many cars were already there this early in the morning; the lot was almost full. Andrea had mentioned, when I brought up the idea, that Camelback was really busy on the weekend when the weather was nice.
Cholla Trail was a little less than a mile and a half long. We were assured it was one of the easier trails to hike, and since we were beginners, we figured we should start with that one. After twenty minutes of hiking, it didn’t feel like a beginner’s trail to me.
“I’m trying to remember why I decided to do this,” I puffed as I spoke, climbing around a group of boulders and joining the other hikers at one of the ridges, waiting.
“WOW!” I exclaimed, forgetting my complaints from just a minute ago. To the east, I watched as the sun was rising up in the sky. “It’s absolutely breathtaking up here!”
In all the time I had lived there, I had never been up on Camelback. In fact, there were a lot of local attractions I had never taken the time to visit before. In the last few months I had seen museums out in the desert, ancient Indian ruins, and even gone on a pink jeep tour through the hills on Sedona.
I still had those melancholy days where I felt so damn lonely I just wanted to curl up on my bed and either cry or wallow in self-pity, but I was sticking to my no dating decision. Getting outside and trying new things was helping. I’d even discovered I liked it.
“Come on,” I encouraged the girls. “Let’s keep going. It’s been fairly easy so far, but I read it gets a little rougher up ahead where it’s called the ‘saddle’ … that’s when we get our workout in.”
As we hit the big incline farther up, we had to scramble a bit to get to the top, moving back and forth in a switchback pattern, when the path became really steep. My thighs were burning like fire as I climbed over the last ridge.
Bent over with her hands resting on the tops of her legs, Maggie moaned. “Damn! I thought I was in much better shape than this. Holy crap, my legs hurt,” she whined.
“Just think of how good your legs and your ass will look after we do this a few dozen times,” I told her.
“My ass and my legs are just fine, thank you very much! And since you talked me into this, I think you should carry me back down.”
We found a group of boulders that made a great place to relax and drink some of the water we carried in our packs. Everyone we told about our upcoming adventure reminded us to hydrate constantly.
It was a whole different world up here, so quiet and serene. I felt like I could inhale deep breaths of clean air, filling my body and my mind with purity and all things good. Then exhale all the bullshit that accumulated inside of me. Breathe out the pollution of anger and doubt, self-condemnation that I allowed to fill up inside of me. Up here, I could just let it all go and work on becoming me.
There was no distracting noise surrounding me. I didn’t see pop cans and paper lying around. No cigarette butts tossed amongst the rocks. The morning was so amazingly clear that every direction I looked, I could see for miles in the distance. I glanced over at Maggie and Andrea, standing a few feet away from me. Both of them looked so relaxed, even after the energy it took to hike up here.
I walked over and sat down on a large boulder next to them. Andrea sat beside me.
“Is this the first time you’ve been up here?” she asked.
“I’m embarrassed to admit it, but yes. I’ve heard about it, wanted to hike up here, but just never did. I’m finding out there are a lot of things I’ve never done that I’d like to,” I admitted.
“Life gets like that sometimes. The ideas are there, but actually doing something about it? That can be the hard part.”
Maggie joined us on the boulder. “I agree, but I’m not sure if it’s laziness or I’m just too damn busy that I don’t take the time to enjoy life.”
“Honestly, I don’t know if it’s either. It takes work to change your routine. And staying busy, too busy, I think that’s a bit of a safety net for a lot of single women like us.”
Both Maggie and I turned to Andrea, wanting to hear more.
“In what way?” Maggie asked her.
“Being too busy is a great excuse for not doing something. I’d like to try that new restaurant, but I don’t have any extra time. A vacation to a new resort? Too much work, I can’t take off right now. Maybe next year. Take the time to exercise and eat healthy? It takes too much time and I have work to finish. I hear the excuses all day long. To be really honest, I use the same ones myself. We all do.”
“Me too,” I agreed. “I caught myself coming up with excuses every time I’d tell myself I was going to join a yoga studio. I finally ignored the inner demon and did it.”
Andrea turned to me. “Are you glad you did it?”
“Completely. I feel so much better now that I’m working out and eating better. It took a while and I still have my days, but I’m glad I did it,” I admitted.
“Do you find yourself in a better mood most of the time? Making better decisions about things?” Andrea asked.
“I am.”
“Me too,” agreed Maggie. “I know I feel better and I have a lot more energy lately.”
I thought about it for a minute. I had been more peaceful lately or maybe I should say less agitated.
We spent the rest of the morning hiking around the trails, exploring, talking, and laughing. The best part was the laughter. I tried to remember when I had forgotten to laugh. This felt good, really good. I let everything go that had been bothering me during the week and just enjoyed the moments we were sharing. I was surrounded by beauty and great friends. What more could I really want out of life?
We headed back down the Cholla Trail a little after noon. True to her words, Maggie tried to convince me that I had to carry her. I wasn’t going for it, not by a long shot.
Andrea took off while Maggie and I hung around the parking lot a bit longer.
“What have you got going on the rest of the day?” I asked her.
“Not a lot,” she answered. “Just going through some things at home. What are you doing?”
“I’m thinking along the same lines as you are. I’m feeling boxed in, so I’m getting rid of stuff. Kind of like throwing out my old life. I need to call my security company, too, this afternoon. I want to ask about a security camera for outside.” I didn’t think about it as I told this to Maggie, but I saw the look of concern on her face.
“What’s going on? Why do you think you need that?”
“I’m not sure I do. I just have this strange feeling of someone watching me. I’m probably being paranoid, but I was careless for a while about setting the alarm, and I just have a creepy feeling lately. I could smell stale cigarette smoke a few times. Not overbearing, but the kind of odor that clings to clothing after a while and lingers? I don’t know anyone who still smokes, so I’m really sensitive to the smell. I’ve been careful lately about making sure everything is locked and the alarm is on, but I thought maybe a camera monitoring movements outside might alleviate this jitteriness I have.”
“Have you noticed anyone hanging around or found any more gifts on your front step?”
“No, I haven’t noticed anyone but the feeling doesn’t go away. It’s strange. It’s making me jumpy and I’m having a hard time sleeping. I feel like a little kid who’s afraid of a nonexistent monster hiding under the bed.”
I knew I was being paranoid. Usually I never have a problem with being alone. In fact, I loved it most of the time. It was just a feeling of being watched lately making me nervous.
“It’s probably just my imagination. Too many mysteries too late at night. I thought I would look into the security camera and see what it would cost. It can’t hurt.” I told her.
“Okay. If you want to get together later, give me a call. I’ll be home most of the day. Maybe we can do dinner or something Sunday morning, or go for a run, maybe both?”
“Sure, that sounds great. You could swing by later, check out the stuff I’m getting rid of. I’ll call you this afternoon and we will figure out the details.”
Maggie took off and I looked around me one more time. Not in paranoia but in admiration, I was just taking in the beauty surrounding me. I wish I could come up here every day. I didn’t want to leave all this peacefulness, it was addicting in a good way. This was God’s perfection at its finest, all around me bathed in sunshine. It was beautiful.