Harpers Ferry, WV 1998
I can’t believe I killed Uncle Jake.
I’ve been frantic ever since I realized what I’ve done, and Jori still not being home isn’t helping me my nerves any. I’ve picked up the phone at least twenty times to call the cops and turn myself in, but I keep hanging it up because I want to at least be able to say good-bye to him.
Maybe they’ll put me in a cell next to Hoyt and we can catch up on the years we’ve missed; maybe they’ll send me somewhere I can never be near him again.
Oh god, what have I done?
Part of me is terrified; a coward afraid of the things she’s capable of when pushed to protect the ones she loves. A part of me is secretly proud to know what I’ve done—a part of Jori’s life can be restored to him. He’ll know a bit of normalcy because the bastard who put his hands on him will never do it again—not that he would have tried to, since we’re both older now, but how many countless other children have I potentially saved?
Did he have new favorites, or was it just Jori and me that made his severed dick hard when he thought of touching and rubbing himself all over us? It should never have been Jori; never.
I stop pacing and go to the window in the living room again, pull the curtain aside slightly, and sigh. Still no sign of Jori, and I’m so scared he’s been arrested. Would he tell them I did what he’d be accused of? Would he sacrifice himself for me yet again? I won’t let them keep him if they have him; I’ll tell them exactly what I did, and I’ll tell them how many times I tried to chew Jake’s dick off before I finally decided to cut it from his fucking body. Jori wouldn’t know those things, so they can’t hold him if his statement doesn’t match the injuries.
With a sigh, I wring my hands and walk back to the kitchen and pick the phone up again. I stare at it for a moment as tears stream down my face, and I begin to dial the phone number for the local police station.
“Babe?”
“What?”
I let out a sound reminiscent of a squeak, and slam the phone back down into the receiver. It bounces away from the wall and hits the floor, but I don’t care. I turn and run for the living room to see Jori taking off his leather jacket. He tosses it onto the couch just as I reach him, and as I wrap my arms around him, I begin to weep like small child.
“Hey,” he says softly with a chuckle as he holds me close. “What’s with the tears?”
“I thought something happened to you,” I manage to choke out between sobs.
Jori pulls back and takes my face in his hands, smiling down into my eyes. He leans down and kisses me gently on the lips before pulling back and making a face, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
I can’t help but laugh.
I get it; my face is a slobbering mess right now, and more than likely not exactly kissing material, but he’s with me again, so I don’t give a shit.
“You worry too much,” he says with a half grin. “Have faith in me, kid. You know I’d never let anything happen to you.”
His candor is meant to make me feel better, but another sob escapes me, causing Jori to roll his eyes and laugh. He puts his hands on my shoulders, spins me around, and leads me back toward the bedroom. Once inside, he reaches down and picks me up in his arms, kisses me again, then lays me down on the bed.
“You need to go to sleep, Red. Everything’s taken care of, and if you want, we can talk about it tomorrow. I’m gonna hop in the shower, then I’ll come back to bed. I expect you to be asleep when I get here, alright?” he says as he gently runs a hand over my head. That’s his way of calming me down; it always has been. Gentle words and an even gentler touch punctuated with the softest, sincerest smile he can muster.
I love him for it. I always have, and I always will. Where Hoyt has been absent in my life, where Uncle Jake has failed as a father figure of sorts, Jori has always stepped in to help things make sense again.
He isn’t perfect, and sometimes he fucks up along the way, but who doesn’t? I roll to my side and reach for the box of Kleenex on the nightstand, and take a few tissues out to clean my face up. Jori smiles before he turns around and walks over to the dresser to pick out some fresh underwear and gym shorts to sleep in.
I toss the used tissues into the trashcan under the nightstand and settle onto my back. It’s going to take me a while to fall asleep, and I probably can’t meet his timeline requirement, but I’ll try my best.
“Hey,” he says, lingering in the open doorway. I turn on my side to face him and pull the blankets up to my chin and offer the best smile I can under the circumstances.
“I’m serious about what I said. I took care of things so you don’t need to worry, alright?”
I nod and wipe away the last of my tears as Jori grins again and disappears from sight. It isn’t until I hear him turn the water on that I finally start to feel better. Even though he’s held me, picked me up in his arms, and kissed me, it didn’t seem real that he was here yet until I heard that sound. I don’t know why, and maybe somewhere deep inside me it makes sense. It’s that place where everything he does makes the world it’s okay again. Maybe one day, I’ll understand it more than I understand it now, but I’m afraid that when I do find that nirvana, it may hold more bad than good.
But we’ve always been able to withstand any storm that’s come our way, and whatever that place may reveal to me, I know we’ll be able to hold our ground against that, too.
By the time Jori is done in the shower and climbs into bed, I’m half asleep and much calmer than I was without him here. When he turns on his side and slides an arm around my waist, kissing me gently on the side of the head, I’m content.
I guess being a killer isn’t as stressful as I thought it was when you’re in the arms of another one. Some secrets can be kept, while others have been witnessed by silent and damaged innocence. The true testament of the heart is how long it’s willing to hold on to such a secret to salvage what they can of the person it beats for so fiercely.