Having demolished the lasagne and two Rocky Road sundaes, Cal ordered us coffees. I could see him keeping an eye on the state of the nearby road and he’d checked his phone for traffic and weather reports. He wasn’t in a hurry to rush off so I trusted him in the knowledge that he wouldn’t put himself or me, or – come to think of it – his new purchase, in danger. I was satisfied that the weather wasn’t a problem.
We sat over our coffee, the accompanying mints having disappeared within seconds of their arrival. I’d had a large glass of wine, so I was now feeling a little more brave, and possibly less inhibited than usual.
‘The comment you made earlier … about having someone care whether you were lying in a ditch or not …’
Cal kept his eyes on his coffee cup, the long lashes shading his expression. ‘Hmm?’
‘Was it really that bad? Your childhood, I mean?’
He took another sip before replacing the cup in the saucer, and still without looking at me, stretched his long fingers out to reach for the balled-up foil wrappers from our after dinner mints.
‘I’m assuming you’ve heard from somewhere that I had a bit of a rough childhood. My best guess would be Xander and Giselle?’
‘Yes. They sort of mentioned something like that, but literally that was all they said. All they seemed to know, actually,’ I said, honestly. A thought suddenly flew into my mind. ‘They weren’t gossiping about you! It’s only because they care.’ This was true and the last thing I wanted to do was drop my best friends in something, especially as one of them worked for this man!
‘I know. Don’t worry. I’m not about to fire anyone, if that’s what the sudden look of panic on your face is about.’ His own expression was one of amusement. I relaxed a little at his reassurance.
‘Admittedly, that’s taken some getting used to though, I can tell you.’
‘What? People caring about you?’
He set the foil ball aside. ‘Yes. And I suppose, letting them care.’
‘Sometimes there’s no stopping them. Especially not in our little corner of the world.’
A smile lit his face and he laughed. ‘That’s true.’ He ran his hand through his hair and glanced out of the window again for a moment.
‘I’m pretty sure there’s far more interesting things to talk about than me. Like you, for instance.’ He flashed a grin and I knew that most women would have been flattered, which was clearly what he was intending. Cal Martin obviously had a few moves up his sleeve for use when he required them. The compliment, combined with that heart-stopping smile was a sure-fire ego boost for any woman. But me being me immediately just homed in on the fact that he’d just shut down my attempt to delve into his history. Again.
‘How are you finding being back in the village after living away from it for years?’
I nodded. ‘It’s good. Nice. I hadn’t realised quite how much I missed it actually.’
‘So does that mean you’re thinking of staying?’
I shrugged. ‘I don’t know. It depends how things go really. I thought I’d totally burned my bridges in that field but I actually got a reply back from one of the teams yesterday. They’ve offered me a position. I have a meeting with them just after Christmas but basically if I want it, the position is mine.’
‘Right. Wow. That’s great!’ Cal looked at me and tilted his head, ‘It is great, isn’t it?’
‘Of course. Yes. I mean. It’s what I want. What I’ve been trying for since I lost my last job.’
‘So, you’ve accepted?’
‘Not quite.’
He said nothing but raised a dark brow.
‘I will. I mean, obviously.’
‘Forgive me for saying, but you don’t seem as thrilled as I thought you would be about it all.’
I let out a sigh and blew my fringe out of my eyes. ‘I know. I am. I will be. It’s just that …’
‘Go on.’ Cal’s voice was soft as he touched my hand, prompting me.
I gave him a half-embarrassed smile. ‘I hardly know you and I’m blabbering away.’
‘Surely that’s how people get to know each other better, isn’t it? By blabbering away?’
I looked back at him and met a grin that I imagined had got a lot of women to say a lot of things.
‘Yes. I guess. If you have the knack of scintillating conversation and the ability to flutter your eyelashes.’
He laughed. ‘You’re plenty scintillating and fluttering eyelashes has always been vastly over-rated, in my opinion.’
I couldn’t help the smile. ‘You really are a charmer, aren’t you?’
‘Only when it’s worth the effort.’
I rolled my eyes and laughed. ‘What a line!’
He joined me in the laughter. ‘It really wasn’t, but I have to admit, it did rather sound like one.’
‘Just a bit.’
‘So?’
‘So?’
‘Why are you having doubts about taking the job?’
‘I’m not. I mean, not really.’
Cal gave me that look again.
‘OK. I guess, over the past year I’ve just got used to being able to come home for things. I really did love my job but the downside was being away a lot, which meant missing out on stuff over the years. Family stuff, you know?’
He gave me a look and I immediately felt bad. He saw it and covered my hands with one of his, shaking his head, the softest of smiles on that dangerously tempting mouth.
‘Anyway. I will take it. Of course. I mean, it’s not ideal as it’s a couple of rungs down the ladder from where I was, but it’d get me back into the industry and it’s what I do. What I’m good at.’
‘That doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be, or aren’t already, good at something else.’
‘No. I know.’ I picked up the coaster he’d been fiddling with earlier and twiddled it in my fingers. ‘I’ll be fine. Once I’m back in among it all, I’ll know it’s where I’m supposed to be again. It’s just because I’ve been away from it for a while.’
He nodded. ‘Maybe.’
‘What does that mean?’
Cal didn’t elaborate, his gaze sliding to the weather outside the window momentarily. ‘But you’re enjoying being back in the village?’ he asked, looking back at me.
My smile gave him the answer.
‘It’s quite a special place, isn’t it?’
‘It is. And I can’t wait for the Christmas Festival! Were you there for it last year?’ I put the coaster down.
‘We were but poor old George had caught a stinking cold and by the time the festival came around we were both in bed, dosed up to the eyeballs with medicine.’
‘Oh no! What a shame! You have to go this year. George will absolutely love it! The whole village turns out, and there are stalls and fairground rides and a parade with Father Christmas. There was a choir last year and I think Mum said they’re coming again this time. They don’t just do carols either. They did some pretty amazing covers last year. Actually,’ I said, my coffee cup halfway to my mouth and one finger pointing at Cal from it, ‘they did a take on “All The Single Ladies” at one point but got all the single women and men to come out in front of them. There was definitely a bit of chemistry in the air that night! You missed out.’
‘Actually that sounds kind of terrifying. I’m almost glad I was in bed now I’ve heard that bit.’
‘To be fair, I think a few of those involved ended up there too.’ I gave a giggle, stopped abruptly, and put my cup down, shaking my head. ‘I really shouldn’t have had that wine on an empty stomach.’
Cal was grinning. ‘It’s fine. It’s … entertaining.’
‘I don’t want to be entertaining!’
He shrugged. ‘Too bad. So were you one of the Single Ladies shaking their booty in this magical scene?’
I gave an eyebrow raise. ‘No. I mean, yes. But no.’
Cal did a slow blink. ‘OK. I’ll admit to not understanding that answer even vaguely.’
I rubbed my eyes and took another swallow of coffee. ‘Yes, I was technically a single lady but no I wasn’t up there dancing. I have no desire to shake my booty, or in fact anything, in front of the general public. At least definitely not while sober.’
He pulled a face. ‘Well, that gives us some leeway.’
I rolled my eyes. ‘Don’t hold your breath.’
‘No mulled wine for you that night then?’
‘No. It was flying visit. I hate to miss the event but there was some stuff going on at work that meant I couldn’t take the whole weekend. I set off back that night after everything was finished. Or at least most of it.’
‘Must have been a late night.’
‘More an early morning, but it was worth it to get to spend the evening with my family and friends.’
‘I’m sure they loved having you there too.’
I nodded. ‘They know I love what I do … did … do … I don’t know. They know I loved what I was doing but spending over half the year out of the country and the rest of it several hours’ drive away hasn’t always been easy on any of us. I know my mum hates it when there’s a celebration or something and I can’t make it. Which was quite often to be fair. Made me feel kind of bad.’
‘She does?’ Cal was frowning.
‘No!’ I looked up, horrified. ‘God, no! They’ve been nothing but supportive ever since I started. You just know when someone’s putting on a brave face, don’t you?’
He nodded, agreeing. ‘You know, I’d heard Dan talk about his little sister but I didn’t put two and two together until I met you and realised you and Xander’s best friend and my mate’s little sister were all the same person.’
‘Yeah. Dan tends to do that when he’s talking about me. He’s kind of protective.’
‘And not saying your name helps that? Are you an international spy on the side?’ Cal flashed his eyes at me but the humour in them died as he caught my expression. ‘What have I said?’
I shook my head. ‘Nothing.’
‘OK. I know I’m a bloke but when you grew up like I did, you get pretty good at reading expressions. And like you just said, sometimes you can tell when someone’s putting on a brave face. Which, if I’m not mistaken, is exactly what you’re doing now.’
‘I’m not. This is the only face I have.’ I smiled, and even to me it didn’t feel like it fit quite right.
Cal’s expression told me it hadn’t fooled him either. The ocean-grey eyes held mine, concern showing in the crease of his brow. ‘I’m sorry if I’ve said something I shouldn’t have. But if you give me a clue, it will at least stop me from cocking up again.’
‘It’s fine. I … just had a bit of a tough time with my last relationship. Dan’s always been protective but all that kind of enhanced it.’
‘Somebody hurt you?’ He’d pushed his jumper sleeves back earlier as the warmth of the pub’s fire thawed us out, and as he asked the question I saw the tension in the corded muscles of his forearms. I laid my hand on his arm, feeling the tautness release under it.
‘Not like you’re imagining from the look on your face.’
Cal laid his own hand over mine momentarily. ‘And here I was, thinking I was good at hiding my emotions.’
I gave a laugh. ‘Well, you’re good at deflecting conversation that involves talking about yourself, that’s for sure.’
‘Says the woman who’s just done the same thing.’
I opened my mouth, then closed it again. He was right. I had.
‘OK. So I tell you one thing and you tell me …’ I tapped my finger against my chin, thinking what it was I wanted to know the most.
‘Ugh. I’m beginning to wish I hadn’t asked now.’ Cal pulled a face but there was a tease in his eyes. I rolled my lips, thinking. I had a feeling that getting Cal Martin to open up was still going to be like cracking one of those walnuts that sit in the bowl all through Christmas, refusing to be beaten – or eaten – and his comment, although teasing, confirmed it so I went with an easier starter.
‘Right. You tell me why you moved to the village and how you feel about it now you’ve been here a while and have got over the initial shock.’ I grinned.
‘OK. Deal.’
We sat in silence for a moment.
‘But you go first,’ he said.
I moved the coffee cup handle a little and then raised my gaze, bumping into Cal’s. He was studying me. His fingertips brushed mine, just for a moment. ‘If you don’t want to though,’ he said softly, ‘you don’t have to.’
‘No,’ I said, putting on that brave face I’d just been talking about, ‘we made a deal.’
‘Screw the deal. We’re friends. I want you to be comfortable with me, and right now you don’t look it.’
I shook my head. ‘It’s not you. I mean, it’s not that I don’t want to tell you anything.’ And the weird thing was, I did. I was used to spilling everything to my family, which by extension, meant Xander and Giselle, mostly because I didn’t have a choice. Trying to hide something from any of them was impossible. They knew me too well. But outside of that precious, protective circle, my business was my own. At least that was how I liked it to be, which had made what had happened all the more difficult to handle.
But there was something about Cal Martin – nothing to do with how good he looked, how great he smelled when he’d come back into the kitchen that morning after his shower, or how he had a smile that could scramble your brain at ten paces. It was more than that. And that was kind of exciting. And also scared the pants off me.
‘I’m kind of surprised you don’t know really. Or maybe you do anyway.’ I was stalling.
When he spoke, his voice was soft. ‘Until you tell me, it’s a little bit tricky to answer that for definite.’
‘It’s nothing really,’ I said, flapping a hand in dismissal at the same time as I felt the heavy knot in my stomach form at the memory.
‘Clearly it’s not nothing. You’ve gone almost as pale as George was in the night.’
‘I used to go out with one of the racing drivers for a while. Actually I was engaged to him. It … kind of all got a bit messy towards the end and the paparazzi were used to following Marco anyway so when everything hit the fan, it not only spread around the paddock but got splashed across the papers too. My poor family had the media on the phone and some even turned up at our home trying to get soundbites and even more gossip. Since then, Dan just sort of switched to referring to me as his sister rather than using my name, just in case.’
Cal said nothing for a moment. ‘Surely he didn’t think I was a media informant?’
I shook my head. ‘Of course not. But I guess you were new to the village, and to be honest, I think it’s just a habit for him now. And if it makes him worry about me less, then I’m good with that.’
‘So when you say Marco, you mean Marco Benoit?’
‘Yeah. I know. Unlikely, huh?’ I laughed, trying to relax the tension from my shoulders. Marco was well known for his penchant for leggy models and actresses. Being none of the above, no one was more surprised than me when he’d asked me to dinner and it had taken him several attempts to convince me that I wasn’t actually being pranked.
‘No, that’s not what I meant. I was just checking we were talking about the same person.’
‘Right.’
‘I follow Formula One but I must admit the gossip side of it all – what’s going on in the drivers’ lives – tends to pass me by. It’s all about the cars and the racing for me.’
‘It’s a shame not everyone feels that way.’ I smiled, rolling my shoulders. ‘Unfortunately the world’s insane obsession with celebrity tends to mean blanket coverage these days.’
‘And you got caught in the middle of that?’
‘Yeah. Kind of,’ I answered, not looking at him, my fingers worrying the paper napkin I’d replaced on the table from my lap.
Cal caught my hand. ‘I’m sorry you weren’t given the privacy you deserved at what was obviously a difficult time.’ I nodded, keeping my head down, concentrating on keeping my breathing even. ‘From the look on your face, I’m feeling kind of shitty about asking you anything now.’
My head snapped up. ‘No! Really, don’t. I did, do, want to talk to you.’
He smiled, the warmth of it doing as much for me as the fire crackling just across the room. ‘Thank you.’
‘And really you don’t have to tell me anything about you. I promise not to ask again. Actually that’s a lie because like I said, I can be accidentally blunt and I may ask questions that might cross your self-imposed boundaries, but I will at least try not to delve into your personal life again.’
Cal gave my fingertips a quick squeeze as he gave another glance at the weather. ‘No. We had a deal and I dug up painful memories for you, albeit unintentionally,’ he added as he saw my mouth open to protest, ‘so the least I can do is tell you why I moved. It’s not exactly personal.’
‘Have you told anyone else?’
He waggled his head a little. ‘Vaguely.’
‘Then it’s obviously personal to some extent.’
‘Do you want to hear this or not?’ He laughed.
I returned his smile and felt the last knots unfurl as Cal’s eyes caught the firelight, the laughter in them not entirely masking his earlier concern. Somewhere inside me I felt a swirling but this time it wasn’t tension, or stress. This time it was a far more intoxicating feeling, and one I knew I should ignore. The last time I’d felt something similar it had been wonderful then awful. And I knew from the way it was filling every part of me that if I let it, this time the pain would be so much worse. But I wanted to enjoy it, enjoy Cal, for just a few minutes while I listened to that deep, smooth voice. Surely just a few minutes wouldn’t hurt?
‘You’re miles away.’
I shook my head. ‘No. Right here.’ And I was, savouring every moment because I knew I was on a slippery slope and I couldn’t afford to lose my grip.
Cal gave me a look. It said “unconvinced” but he began anyway. ‘OK, so I moved from the city for George really. I’m a city kid – at least I thought I was – but there’s no doubt that having a garden he can get outside and play in, spaces to run about in, clean air to breathe … it’s all so much better for him. He’s made great friends here and really come out of his shell. And I think the fact that I’m happier has had a really good impact on both of us.’
‘You think you’re happier?’
He smiled, softly. ‘I know I am.’
‘But you must have wanted to move too, surely?’
‘I guess I thought it would be OK, but I grew up in the city. Really, it’s all I’ve known. Which is kind of why I wanted George to have what he has now.’
‘I get the feeling you don’t think about yourself all that much.’ I raised an eyebrow, daring him to challenge my statement.
Cal smiled. ‘Not so much. There’s not a lot of time between my son and the business. George is my world and I have to keep the business doing well so that I can make sure he always has everything he needs.’
‘What he needs the most is you.’
He frowned and sat back from me. ‘I spend every moment I can spare with him. I always read him a story at night and –’
I held up my hands. ‘Cal, that wasn’t what I meant! I know you’re a brilliant dad. All I meant is that you need to look after yourself too. For yours and George’s sakes.’
Cal studied me for a moment, the furrows in his brow smoothing. ‘Oh. Yes. Sorry. And, of course you’re right.’
‘It’s difficult. I know.’
‘Admittedly, Martha has made things a lot easier. George loves her to bits, and everyone in the village has been really helpful and kind from the start. When I took George to nursery the first day, I kind of felt like I was the new boy, and not him. I’m pretty sure I was the more nervous!’ His laugh was deep and smooth and brought to mind dark, melting chocolate.
‘It was mostly mums there but they were really kind and supportive. George had already whizzed off and was busy making friends, and I was just sort of stood there feeling a bit bereft! I must have seemed quite a pathetic specimen. A few of them were heading off for coffee and asked me along.’
I bet they did …
‘At the nursery in London the parents were all in little cliques and sectioned themselves off. I think there was one other dad I kind of nodded hello to, but that was about it. It was a completely different experience here from day one.’
‘But in a good way?’
‘In a great way. To be honest, it took me a bit by surprise – the kindness, and generosity. The way that people here are happy to help each other out, even an interloper like me!’
I laughed. ‘You’re not an interloper!’
‘No, you’re right. I’ve never felt like that here. I did worry that we might though. You know some little places you go in a shop or pub and they all stop talking and look at you?’
‘Yeah, we’re not like that.’
‘Definitely not. Thank goodness.’
‘We happy to let any old Tom, Dick, or Harry rock up and be welcome.’
He gave me a grin that immediately thawed out my still-cold toes and still had a bit of warmth left over for other areas.
‘So, does that mean you plan on staying then? Xander had said you weren’t sure initially.’
‘No, I wasn’t to start with. I needed to see how George and I settled in but as that seems to have gone pretty well, I think we could be here for some time to come. George has really blossomed since we’ve been here and I don’t want to be someone who keeps moving around. I want George to have stability growing up.’
‘Because you didn’t and you know what that feels like?’
Cal expression turned wary for a moment.
‘Sorry. I told you I miss the Edge of Boundary signs sometimes. Especially when I’ve had a large wine on an empty stomach. And as you bought that for me, technically it’s your fault so you only have yourself to blame.’
The wariness dissipated, replaced by laughter. ‘Of course it is.’
I shrugged and he shook his head.
‘So, is that true?’
‘Man, you don’t give up, do you?’
‘My brother Joe says I must have had the word “tenacious” stamped on my bum at birth.’
Cal’s laugh was deep and rich and any last strands of resistance were broken. ‘Maybe next time we can get you two glasses of wine and we can check the accuracy of that statement.’
I balled up my napkin and threw it at him. ‘You definitely have to answer the question now, for that cheeky comment.’
‘I’m kind of distracted at the moment. I’ve actually forgotten what the question was!’ His eyes were dancing with mischief.
‘Focus, Martin.’
‘I am.’ He wiggled his eyebrows and this time his own napkin bounced off the side of his head.
‘OK, OK.’ He held up his hands. ‘You win. Yes, I know what it’s like to be shifted from pillar to post. I want George to have as stable a home life as I can give him, in the circumstances.’
‘And?’
Cal held my gaze. ‘I think your brother might actually be right. OK. Yes. I suppose, deep down, there’s something in what you say. Stability can be good. I’d honestly never thought about it before. I guess you just get used to stuff. But having been in the village for nearly a year now …’ Cal gave a head tilt of concession ‘… maybe there’s something to that too.’ He laughed. ‘There. Are you happy now?’
‘I think the more pertinent question is, are you?’
Cal held up his hands. ‘Oh no. The deal was one question,’ he said, laughing. His eyes slid to the weather outside the window and, still smiling, he picked up his phone and pressed a couple of times on the screen. ‘Besides, I think we need to make a move. There’s some heavier weather coming in across the country and although they’re saying the roads are clear at the moment, I don’t want to risk leaving it too long.’
He reached back into his coat hanging on the chair behind him and pulled out his wallet.
‘I’m paying half of that,’ I said, pointing at the bill with one hand as I dug into my pocket with the other.
‘No, you’re not. I already told you, I’m paying as a thank you to you for giving up your day off to help me out.’
‘But I enjoyed it so it was hardly a chore.’
Cal shrugged and tucked a couple of notes inside the little wallet the bill had arrived in and shut it again. My gaze drifted to it.
‘Don’t even think about it.’ Cal grinned at me.
I looked up.
‘And don’t give me that innocent look either. I know you were thinking of swapping some of my money for yours.’
I emphasised the innocent look, widening my eyes, and he laughed.
‘Yeah right. Like I’m buying that.’
‘You know, you have quite the suspicious streak.’
‘It helps keep me on my toes.’
‘I see.’ I chewed my lip.
‘Lexi, don’t overthink it. I’m grateful to you for helping me out today. I was shattered this morning and driving wouldn’t have been the most sensible or safest thing I could have done. But I couldn’t afford to miss out on this car. Whether you enjoyed it or not –’
‘I did!’
He grinned. ‘Good. But either way, you put yourself out to help me. Please just let me pay this to go some way to showing you how appreciative I am of your kindness.’
‘Fine. Then thank you.’
Cal leant back in his chair, but his warm, grey gaze remained fixed on me. ‘Why are you so uncomfortable about this?’
‘I’m not,’ I said, trying to pretend I was telling the truth.
Cal’s eyes remained on me as I fussed about with my scarf and wiggled my coat off the back of the chair.
‘You know I don’t believe a word of that, right?’
I zipped up my jacket and having composed myself, looked up at him and shrugged. ‘Your prerogative. Ready?’
Cal threw a glance out of the window, the faintest of lines showed on his forehead as he watched the snow still falling.
‘Yep. Let’s go.’