Katy
We arrive outside Elouise’s place at around three pm. Felix seems annoyingly excited to see her. It's pissing me off. What, was I not enough for him last night? Now he wants Elouise too? God, I hate that I like him enough to feel this jealous.
We ring the doorbell of the thin terrace house. Felix doesn’t have his arms around me, but then I suppose he is carrying our suitcases. I wonder what she looks like?
The door swings open and a vision with a rush of red curls stands in front of us. You could sharpen your knives on her perfect cheekbones, her pale complexion like a porcelain doll's.
‘Felix!’ she exclaims, her arms jumping to around his neck. A rush of flowery perfume hits me. ‘How are you?’ she asks, rocking him from side-to-side.
‘Good, thanks, babe,’ he says patting her back.
Babe? Ugh, he’s the worst.
She pulls back and looks at me. ‘And you must be his friend, Katy?’ She throws me into a hug too. God, she’s a hugger.
I lean back, waiting for Felix to correct her. To say I’m a little more than a friend now. But… nothing.
‘So where should we put our stuff?’ he asks, pushing the door open and going through.
Why is it the longer I’m here the more I’m questioning if us sleeping together has changed our relationship at all? Maybe he just thinks we’re fuck buddies now? I mean, maybe the whole joke about falling in love at the seaside was just that, a joke? I could be reading far too much into everything. God, I hope I’m not coming across as clingy.
We leave our stuff in the sitting room while Elouise makes us a cup of tea, and some poached eggs on toast. I’ve changed my mind; I suppose she’s okay. It helps that she is able to make the most perfect poached eggs. Something to do with adding salt she says.
‘So do you guys fancy doing anything tonight?’
Felix grimaces at me. ‘To be honest El, we’re a bit skint. So we’re happy just to chill here if that’s okay?’
‘Of course it is! I tell you what, I’ll treat us to a Chinese.’
Oh my God, Chinese. I could kiss this woman.
‘Are you sure?’ I ask, feeling like a right ponce.
‘Absolutely. Plus, that way I can embarrass Felix and show you lots of uni photos.’
My face lights up. ‘Yes please!’
Then I remember I said I’d find a family planning clinic and get condoms. Not that I know when we’ll next be using them.
‘Oh, Felix, there was that other thing we said we’d do this afternoon… remember?’ I raise my eyebrows, trying desperately to communicate telepathically with him.
He stares back at me blankly. God, he’s a tool.
‘You know… that… phone protector I wanted to buy.’
He frowns. ‘Phone protector? You already have one. Why are you trying to spend money on crap like that when we’re on a strict budget?’
He can be so dim sometimes. The fact he teaches children worries me no end.
‘I’m just saying that I’d rather have the protection, than not have it. Better to be safe than sorry, right?’
He finally seems to catch on. ‘Oh, yes, right. I should go with her. You know, make sure she doesn’t get ripped off.’
‘Well I’ll come too then!’ Elouise beams. ‘Show you my city.’
* * *
Of course she wanted to tag along. Luckily, according to Google maps, there’s a clinic just off the high street. I just have to lose her for long enough. We’re currently in a chocolate souvenir shop browsing. Talk about bring a girl to the river, but don’t let her drink.
‘How am I going to get away?’ I whisper to Felix.
‘I’m trying to think,’ he whispers back, chewing his lip anxiously.
‘Are you okay?’ I blurt out, unable to take all of this uncertainty. ‘I mean, you’ve been acting really distant since we got here.’
His face frowns. ‘Sorry. I guess I’m just nervous of her gossiping back to my ex. They’re still friends.’
‘Oh, I see.’
Well thank God I asked. That’s stopped me obsessing all night.
‘I just don’t want her to know my business.’
‘Fair enough.’
‘Here, why don’t you sneak off now and I’ll distract her?’
I raise my eyebrows. ‘It’s how you’ll distract her that worries me.’
He grins. ‘Promise. No touching of her vagina.’
I shiver. ‘That’s supposed to fill me with confidence?’
‘Just go,’ he grins, slapping me hard on the arse. So hard I yelp, causing half the shop to turn round and stare. Luckily Elouise is still stuck into conversation with the woman at the counter.
* * *
I arrive at the clinic out of breath. Hopefully I can just grab a couple of condoms from the front desk and get the hell out of there. I look around at the desk, but there’s none out. Well this is a bloody disaster.
A woman comes out from the back.
‘Hi,’ I say as confidently as I can. ‘I’m looking for some help.’
‘Of course,’ she nods understandably. ‘Come with me.’ She takes my arm and starts gently leading me into a room.
I sit down on a chair opposite her swivel one.
‘Now, tell me, how are you feeling?’ she asks, her eyes drooped in sympathy.
‘Um… fine, thanks. And you?’
‘Don’t worry about me. We’re here to support you.’
Ah. How lovely is she?
‘Right, well…’ I edge awkwardly on my chair. ‘I’m just here for some condoms really.’
She frowns. ‘Right. And tell me, do you often seek out sex when you’re feeling low?’
‘Err… no? I’m normally in a good mood when I want some.’
‘Okay.’ She makes some notes.
Jesus, why is she making notes? I just want some sodding condoms. Is this some kind of new policy?
‘And do you have a sexual partner to use these condoms with? Someone you can trust? A boyfriend perhaps?’
‘Um… well, we haven’t had that discussion yet. It's all very new.’
She lowers her glasses. ‘Can I just warn you that it could be dangerous to your health to seek out comfort in the first man that comes along.’
I widen my eyes in horror. ‘He’s not the first man to come along!’ Jesus, she’s slut shaming me!
‘Regardless, sometimes when we’re feeling low we seek that physical comfort, but later regret the decision when the feeling seeps back. Especially when we choose sexual partners that don’t fully understand us. Do you see what I’m getting at?’
‘Er… kinda?’
‘May I suggest a few things to try instead?’
I shrug. ‘I’m all ears…’
‘Weighted blankets are great. Sure they may be pricey, but they’re great at making you feel supported. A bit like a person cuddling you.’
‘Right… but I really do just want those condoms.’
‘Are you on any medication?’ she asks, consulting her screen.
‘No. I just want the bloody condoms!’
‘That’s fine, Rachel. We just want to assess your mental health first.’
‘Mental health?’ I shriek. ‘What on earth are you talking about? And why are you calling me Rachel?’
She looks at me with narrowed eyes. ‘Because you called in and spoke to my assistant? About feeling suicidal and needing someone to talk to?’
‘I’m really sorry, but my name is Katy and I just want some condoms. This is the sexual health clinic, right?’
Her face drops. ‘Ah. I think I see the confusion now. This is only a sexual health clinic for three days a week. The rest of the time it’s a mental health clinic.’
‘Ah. So… about those condoms…’
* * *
We spend the evening in our pyjamas stuffing our faces with Chinese, laughing at old pictures and stories of Felix, and watching Olympus Has Fallen. I can’t believe I judged Elouise so quickly. She’s actually pretty bloody lovely.
‘Right, I think I’m gonna go up to bed,’ I say after a rather large yawn. It's been a while since I’ve had such a full tummy and its knackered me out.
I try to catch Felix’s eyes to communicate that he’s free to creep up later. He only seems to give me a quick nod and smile before looking back at the film. Well! He sure knows how to make a girl feel special. Funny how when you’re not getting your dick wet your priorities change. Arsehole.
I go up to bed, but I can’t settle. I keep tossing and turning, wondering what the hell is up with Felix. Can he really just have dismissed me the minute Elouise turns up? I get that she’s an old mate, and he’d want to catch up, but I haven’t had any affection from him all afternoon and evening. It’s making me feel needy.
That’s it. I need to stop being such a girl and just go down and talk to him.
Creeping down the stairs, I'm careful to be quiet, knowing they open up straight into the living room where he’ll be sleeping. I make it to the bottom step and spot the sofa when the floorboard creaks under my foot. I freeze, knowing it could wake him.
Only instead of his head popping up from behind it, it's Elouise’s. What the…? Then Felix’s head comes up after her, from under her, his eyes widening in horror when he spots me.
Holy. Fuck.
* * *
Felix
I was just about to go up and see Katy when Elouise appeared in front of me in her nightwear. Only they weren’t the pyjamas she was wearing earlier. This was some sexy satin nightdress shit, barely covering her tits, the spaghetti straps threatening to fall down any minute.
Before I knew what was happening she was climbing over me and kissing me. I was in so much shock, I completely froze up. Only then the creak in the floorboard made her stop and look up. I did too, far too late of course, because I caught Katy looking at me with hurt and betrayal present in her eyes. Fuck. From nightwear to nightmare.
She obviously thinks I’m some arsehole that sought this out. My reputation won't have helped things.
I think as quickly as I can, pushing Elouise off me, and running up the stairs after Katy, but my God, she’s running like I’m on fire. Luckily, I used to run in school. I make it to her room just as she’s slamming it shut. I wedge my hand in the door to stop her, but it doesn’t stop her attempting to slam it shut.
SHIT.
My hand is crushed in the door, the noise almost as ear shattering as the pain throbbing through my entire body. A scream leaves my mouth completely of its own accord. I sound like a little girl.
The door opens slightly. I take my chance and wrench my hand out of it, gasping as I look down at my crushed fingers. They’re a dark shade of red, quickly turning purple. I look up to see Katy looking at me, her eyes wide with horror.
‘Shit,’ she says, reaching out to touch them.
‘Agh!’ I scream, pulling my hand away from her. I don’t need her making it any worse.
I try to move my fingers in a pathetic attempt of helping the blood flow, but I can’t move them at all. Every time I try to move them half an inch they throb in so much pain my eyes water.
‘Come on,’ she says, taking my other arm. ‘We need to get some ice on them.’
I follow blindly. Thank God she’s decided to forgive me for a few short minutes. I don’t think I have the brain capacity right now to be in charge. The overwhelming urge to sit, rock, and cry in a corner, is creeping over me.
Katy leads me to the kitchen and starts running the cold tap. She pulls my hand under it, the sharp sting making me hiss. She walks over to the fridge and opens up the freezer, grabbing a pack of frozen peas, wrapping a tea towel around it and then pressing it to my hand.
‘Ah, that feels good,’ I admit, on a sigh, looking up into her concerned brown eyes.
They swoop away from me and down to the floor. ‘It should start to feel better now.’
I nod. ‘It already is. Thanks.’
Elouise walks in. ‘Oh my God, Felix! What happened?’
Ugh, just what I need. Katy immediately swallows and looks uncomfortable.
‘He shut his hand in the door,’ she says quietly.
‘Oh my God!’ Elouise shrieks. ‘Are you okay?’
Katy backs out of the room quickly.
‘Katy, wait!’ I call after her, but she’s gone.
Elouise grimaces. ‘Is something going on between you two?’
I look away. ‘Huh?’ I’m so not in the mood for this interrogation right now.
‘It is, isn’t it? That’s why you weren’t into the kiss?’
I sigh. ‘Elouise, I’m sorry, but I’m not into you like that.’
‘And you’re into her?’ she presses.
Ah, fuck it. I don’t care if it gets back to my ex.
‘Yeah,’ I nod. ‘I really am. But I’m pretty sure, with your help, I just fucked it up.’
She sighs, leaning on one hip. ‘Then go fix it.’
I shake my head. ‘If I’ve learnt anything about Katy in this time together it’s to know that she needs some time to cool down.’
‘Just don’t fuck this up, Felix. It’s strange for you to look at anyone like that after Clare.’
Don’t fuck it up. She’s talking to the king of fucking everything up.