Katy
I wake up with butterflies in my stomach and a feeling of dread. I’ve got to do a dare. What the hell is Felix Montague going to make me do? He's already helped me with the furniture stuff now though, so if it’s anything too horrible I’ll just say no.
I dress in another pair of grey trousers and a black tunic top today. Full breakfast down me and parents reassured I’m fine, I’m on my way.
As I get out of my car, I see him get out of his own. He’s been waiting for me. Clearly, he can’t wait for me to be his puppet. Great. Not even time for another coffee before he descends.
As he approaches, I note he has two coffees in his hand. One of them better be for me. I sigh to myself. Now the aroma is going to hit me. I may drool.
‘Black, right? No sugar?’ He hands one of the cups over to me.
What the hell?
‘Erm, yes. How do you know that?’
‘I’ve stood behind you in the staff room loads of times.’ He smiles down at me. ‘You always take your sweet time.’
Ah. Knew he’d follow it with an insult.
‘Oh, yeah, right.’
‘So,’ he leans in, his smile smug, ‘Are you ready for your first dare?’
‘First?’ I snap at him, taking a sip of the coffee. ‘I agreed to one.’
‘Yes, but if I give you the one I actually want you to do, you’ll shit your pants, so we’ll build you up.’ I roll my eyes. ‘Today I want you to do this.’ He leans over and whispers in my ear.
Get away from my erogenous zone, I want to yell at him as his soft breath tickles my ear.
‘Fine. I can do that.’
‘Report back to me in the staff room at lunchtime,’ he demands, clearly loving the small bit of power.
‘Yes, Sir.’ This time I do a sarcastic salute.
‘Don’t "Sir" me, I like it too much.’ He does his usual wink/smirk combo and walks away.
* * *
Miss Chambers (Sarah) and Miss Jennings (Charlie) sit either side of me in the staff room as I sit nursing my third coffee of the day before I have to get to class. Funny how they’re suddenly so interested in me; they’ve never been anything but colleagues who share polite conversation before. Yet they now sit here smiling at me like we’ve been best friends all our lives.
‘Someone seems to be getting close to Mr Montague,’ Charlie chirrups, raising an eyebrow at me that clearly says “tell us your game plan, bitch".
Ah, so that’s why they’re suddenly interested. One of the others has obviously passed on that they saw me getting into his car last night. Add us walking into the staff room together and the rumour mill will be saying I’m having his illegitimate baby soon.
I pull a face. ‘You’ve got to be kidding me. He’s a dick. I needed to ask him something about a pupil that’s all.’
‘But you got in his car last night,’ Sarah crosses one leg over the other and then flicks her hair back.
I shrug. ‘My car had problems. He offered me a lift to the garage. I took it. He might be a dick, but he’s better than the school bus.’
They mock shiver and I can see that they believe me. Of course, why would Mr Montague choose the traditional and uptight Miss Cornish over their designer-clad arses? It obviously makes more sense to them.
‘I thought it was a bit strange as you’d never talked to him before, and of course you’re—‘ She looks at the relevant finger of my left hand, no longer containing my engagement ring, and her voice trails off, ‘engaged.’
Well I don’t want to tell these nosy bitches what’s happening in my private life.
‘I am. But I’m having the stone cleaned at the moment.’ I stand up, straightening down my trousers. ‘Right excuse me, ladies. I need to get to class.’
With that I leave them to speculate further on whether I’m telling the truth or lying through my teeth.
A classroom of fifteen- and sixteen-year-olds is not my favourite thing, so I actually think this first prank will be fun. They like to think they can chat and text on their phone throughout the lesson and sometimes it's hard to keep their attention. This will confuse the fuck out of them. I have to stop myself doing an evil laugh.
I write all twenty-eight names down on my board with different numbers and symbols at the side of them. Total random crap.
The class wanders in and eventually all eyes are on the board, the girls overly filled-in eyebrows raised in confusion.
‘What’s that, Miss?’ asks Brad, one of the gobshites in my class.
‘I’ll explain at the end of the lesson,’ I tell him.
My class is the best behaved they’ve ever been. Heads down for the most part and work done. Every so often, I see a head pop up and look at the board, a face wearing a mask of puzzlement or a concerted effort to try to work out what it means.
Then we get to the end of the lesson and I wipe the board clean.
‘Miss, what was it?’ Brad asks again.
‘It’s just a shorthand thing I was experimenting with, to help me assess you. I’ve decided it doesn’t work,’ I tell them. ‘Never mind, forget it.’
There are exhalations of relief around the classroom and once they’ve all left, I sit in my seat with my back to the room facing the blackboard and explode with laughter.
‘Went well then, did it?’ His southern voice comes from behind me.
I spin around in my chair, unable to hide my huge grin. ‘That was glorious. I’ve never had such concentration in my class. Anyway, I thought I needed to find you at lunch?’
‘I couldn’t wait to find out if you’d done it or chickened out.’
It gives me a little thrill to think I’ve been on his mind. No, Katy. Don’t fall for his charms. It was that kiss. He clearly attempted to suck the sense from me.
‘Well, anyway. Don’t come chat to me in the staff room. I have frenemies engaged. Your fan club think we got it going on.’
‘To be honest,’ he sits on top of a desk opposite me, releasing a sigh. ‘That would do me a favour. Get them off my back.’
‘Dream on,’ I tell him. ‘The heat would be off you and straight onto me. That’s not happening any time soon. You made your bed and shagged in it. Man up.’
He frowns, staring at me intently. What the hell is up with him?
I look away, scared he’ll hypnotise me somehow. ‘Now what’s my next dare?’
* * *
Over the following days, I cable tie shut the backpacks of all the girls who put their make-up on several times a day, causing a meltdown as their lip glosses wear off. I tell my students I’m disappointed with how many turned in their homework when I’d not set any. I give them a test to do with twenty English questions, neglecting to tell them to read the instructions carefully. The test instructions say only to answer the first question, so I’m delighted when everyone completes the whole test and I get to see their faces groan at the end of the lesson.
I tell them I’ve made them homemade brownies and then uncover a tub that has brown paper E’s in it. That one made me really laugh. They didn’t see the funny side.
By Tuesday of the following week, I tell Felix to give me the main prank because I want to return to teaching them properly, even though it has been fun.
‘There is no way I’m having a mock fight with you in my classroom. No way.’ I shout.
‘Well, come do it in my classroom then. Mine are used to pranks.’
I huff. ‘I bloody bet they are, with you as a teacher.’
‘Gee, thanks.’
‘No. We’ll call it quits now. I’ve done some pranks, and you got my stuff with me, so it’s all good.’
He looks at me sternly. ‘It’s not good because you've broken our agreement. You've not done my prank.’
I shrug my shoulders. ‘Oh well.’
‘Hmm, I think I’ll be paying your sister a visit tonight. I’ll tell her you were shit in bed and then ask her out. Or maybe I’ll just tell her you lied all along.’ He stands feet wide apart, his head tilted slightly.
Oh my God. The manipulative bastard.
‘You wouldn’t?’
I look at his face. He doesn’t seem to be joking.
‘Yes, yes you would, because you are Felix Montague, manwhore and douchebag.’ I roll my head back, mock banging it into the wall behind me. ‘Your classroom. When?’
* * *
The prank is set. Now all I have to do is come way out of my comfort zone and play my part.
I let my class out five minutes early. Not one of them says anything, they just rush for the door, obviously thinking I’m having some kind of nervous breakdown. Meanwhile, I hurry around the corner to Felix’s class. My heart has been thudding in my chest all morning in anticipation. This is it. Time to play my part.
I take a deep breath and give myself a pep talk. If you can do this Katy, you can do anything.
I bang open the door so loudly, several teenagers jump from their seats. One of them is Brad the gobshite.
‘I want a word with you.’ I shout at Felix.
He drops his pen on the floor, in pretend shock. ‘Miss Cornish, is everything all right?’ A secret smile plays on the edges of his lips, only visible to me.
‘No. It most certainly isn’t all right!’ I yell. ‘How could you? That promotion was mine.’
He huffs and dramatically rolls his eyes. ‘Didn’t see your name on it.’
Show time.
I launch myself towards him, grabbing his shirt as I mock wrestle him to the ground. He yelps, and I realise I accidentally touched skin with my nails. All eyes are on us and voices rise as the children get up to gather around.
Felix pulls my ponytail which does actually sting a bit, so I dead-leg his thigh with my elbow. Fuck that was hard as a rock. The man’s pure muscle. My elbow hurts.
‘You’re an idiot,’ I yell for real as I nurse my elbow, my traitorous eyes running from the pain from that and the hair pulling.
Then I find myself pulled aside as a fist launches straight into Felix’s jaw.
‘Leave her the hell alone.’
I look to who threw the punch. Brad. Oh dear.