Katy
I’m fuming. How dare Felix treat me like that? Like I’m some kind of disposable whore he can fuck and say sweet nothings to, only to then drop me when the next Geordie skank comes along. Well not this girl. I’m not here to be a vase he sticks his dick into when he’s bored.
God, to think he actually had me thinking he might be interested in me. Actually like me for more than my tits and vagina. This road trip has clearly fucked with my head. I let my defences down and what did I get? Fucked over. Yet again. You’d think I’d learn from my mistakes.
At least I was expecting it with my sister. To a certain extent anyway. She never let me have anything for long before stealing it. I was stupid enough to think that Dick was mediocre enough to not be stolen. Hell, if things would have worked out with Felix, how long would have she left it before she stole him too?
I need to find a man I can trust. Someone I can rely on. Someone I can know won’t go off to shag my sister when my back is turned. Goddamn it, I deserve someone that doesn’t want to do that. Someone that only sees me in the room.
Yeah, I might not be a supermodel, I might have barely there boobs and a thick bottom, but I’m lovely damn it! There are far shittier people out there that get people to love them. God, I only need to turn on Jeremy Kyle to find awful looking people in relationships where guys love them so much they’re asking for lie detectors because they think they’d cheat.
I was foolish to get involved with him for even a second.
After tossing and turning all night I decide I might as well get up. I chastise myself for hoping he’d come up to apologise last night. After he hurt his hand, he obviously decided he couldn’t be bothered. I’m such an idiot falling for his charms.
So I decide to use this time to have a long leisurely shower, blow-dry my hair and prepare for my interview. Damn, that slag Elouise really is a good host. She even gave me a spare dressing gown and slippers.
I’m just going over possible interview questions when my stomach starts rumbling. Ugh, I’m going to have to eat. But that means going downstairs and having to face them both. They’re probably in post-sexual bliss, it glowing from their pores. I’m not sure if I can take it. My stomach growls again. Oh well, there’s no reasoning with it.
I stand up tall, pushing my shoulders back and walk down the stairs as confidently as I can. I can hear them talking in the kitchen, their murmurs finding their way out of the door. This is it. You can do this, Katy. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
I take a deep breath and open the door. Felix is sat at the kitchen table eating what looks like Coco Pops while Elouise butters toast at the counter. Felix is already fully dressed in his suit while Elouise is back in her fleecy pyjamas. Her hair is a glorious mess. That’s what a night of sex will do to you.
I ignore them both, instead heading to where the box of Coco Pops is. I find a bowl and put some in with milk, sitting myself across the table from him. God, it's hard avoiding eye contact with him. I can practically feel his eyes on me, watching my every move.
‘How did you sleep?’ he asks.
God, just hearing his voice hurts. How is it just hearing it can make me want to cry all over again? I slowly push my eyes up to meet his devastatingly gorgeous face. It's really not fair for him to have that face. He should have a face as ugly as his cold, black heart.
‘Fine, thank you,’ I say, my voice cold and clipped.
He nods, his forehead frowned. ‘Are you all packed? I assume we’re still going to head straight to Edinburgh after the interview?’
God, he’s a pig. He’s only bothering to talk to me to check he’s still okay to ride with me. In my car. And to stay at my parents' house. I should just ditch his sorry arse, but unlike him, I stick to my word.
‘Yep. All packed.’
I look down at the cereal, no longer feeling hungry. Sighing, I force down another few mouthfuls before leaving to brush my teeth. I’m in the bathroom scrubbing at them when I hear his footsteps. I know it's him from the sound of his shoes.
I force myself to keep looking in the mirror as he walks behind me. He reaches around me, almost touching my waist to get to the toothpaste. His eyes find mine in the mirror, boring into me from behind. But I sweep my eyes down to the sink. I can’t let him worm his way back in.
‘Look, I’m sorry about last night,’ he says, with a mouthful of toothpaste.
I’m forced to look up and into his penetrating eyes in the mirror.
‘Sorry you got caught you mean,’ I say through a mouthful of mine.
His eyes cast some sort of emotion in them before he quickly recovers himself.
‘I didn’t get caught doing anything. The only thing you saw was Elouise trying it on with me.’
I scoff, a bit of toothpaste foam falling out of my mouth. I quickly wipe it away with the back of my hand.
‘You didn’t look too distressed to have her straddling you on the sofa.’
‘I woke up like that. I was just about to tell her—‘
‘Were you planning on doing that before or after you had your tongue down her throat?’
He sighs, grabs my shoulders and spins me around to face him, toothbrush still shoved in his mouth.
‘I never once shoved my tongue down her throat.’
I shove him off to turn and spit in the sink. ‘You didn’t look like you were complaining at the time.’
He throws his toothbrush out of his mouth and spits in the sink.
‘Look, I couldn’t throw her off me and call her a crazy bitch when she’s putting us up. I was going to do it a bit more gently than that.’
I sigh. ‘Its fine Felix. I have absolutely no right to be angry with you. This,’ I motion between us, ‘isn’t a thing. It’s just two people passing time.’
His face falls. Yeah, he’s clearly not used to being served.
‘And thankfully for me, it's coming to a close. Just two more interviews and then we never have to see each other again.’
He bites his lip. ‘If that’s what you want.’
‘That’s what I want,’ I confirm with a nod of my head.
* * *
Felix
I can’t believe she said that to me. That we were just passing time. I call bullshit. I know she was all in before. She’s not the type to just shag around and I know she felt something for me. But I’ve obviously fucked it all up with the Elouise thing.
Shit, coming here was a massive mistake. But it's not like I knew she was going to attempt to jump me, is it? After seeing how furious she clearly still is its obvious I shouldn’t have left her to cool down. I should have gone up to her room and demanded she hear me out.
The drive to the interview was horrific. Complete silence. The same while we waited. I only half arsed my interview. The truth is that I could head home to my parents in Harrow and wait out the summer for my new job to start. There’s no need for me to be here at all. I’m just here for Katy. Damn, I must really like this girl.
Katy finally finishes her interview and comes out with a big grin on her face.
‘Aced it?’ I ask with a smile. Seeing her happy makes me happy.
She shrugs adorably, unable to hide her smile. ‘I might feel a bit confident about this one,’ she admits as we walk towards the car.
‘Next stop your parents' house.’
‘Yeah, listen…’ She stops and turns to me.
Shit, is she going to tell me I can’t stay?
‘My parents won’t leave me alone if we walk in with this weird atmosphere between us, so can we, at least for tonight, act like normal?’
I smile. ‘Is that normal, before we went on the road trip and used to kind of hate each other normal? Or normal, we have great sex and get on great normal?’
She blushes. Actually blushes. She’s too cute.
‘I just don’t want them to see this weird atmosphere we’ve had since the Elouise incident.’
‘Look Katy, I really am sorry. I honest to God didn’t want Elouise to hit on me. I thought…’ I kick the floor, ‘I thought we had something good here? Don’t we?’
She sighs, as if the weight of the world is on her shoulders. ‘Maybe we did, but… it wasn’t real, Felix. I can’t trust you and I could never trust you. Last night just reinforced everything in my mind.’
‘So you’re going to let my reputation ruin what we could possibly have?’
‘No. I’m just not letting another Dick mess me around. Pun intended.’
I could try to argue with her more, but I can see it in her eyes; she’s shut down. There’s no convincing her now. It's too soon after her being cheated on for her to try to trust someone. Let alone me.
* * *
Katy
I’m looking forward to seeing my mum in her new house. They’ve moved to the cutest little two-bedroom mews house with green shutters on the windows. As I knock on the door the urge to see them settles on my heart heavier. I just want a hug from my mum.
The door swings open, my dad there with a big smile on his face.
‘Hello, love. Hi, Felix.’
I throw myself into his arms, his familiar scent of Werther's Original soothing me like a warm blanket. I’ve missed him. It feels like far longer than eight days since I’ve seen him.
‘How was the interview?’ he asks, pulling back to look down at me with a concerned smile.
‘It went great, thanks Dad.’ I look behind him into the yellow painted sitting room. ‘Is Mum here?’
‘Yep. She’s just upstairs.’
I smile quickly before finding the stairs and taking them two at a time, leaving Felix to make awkward conversation with Dad.
I find her sat at her dressing table blow-drying her hair. Throwing my bag down I run to her. She must spot me in the mirror because she turns and stands up just in time for me to fall into her arms.
‘Honey, what’s wrong?’ she asks, smoothing my hair down.
Tears start falling down my cheeks. ‘Oh, Mum, it’s just all such a mess.’
‘What is?’ she asks, leading me to sit down on the end of her bed. ‘Are you worried that your interviews didn’t go well?’
I scoff. ‘The interviews are the least of my problems right now.’
‘So, what is it?’
I take a deep breath, wondering if I’m prepared to tell her the truth.
‘It’s Felix.’
‘Oh?’ Her eyes have lit up in that way they get when she's excited. Damn it; I knew I shouldn’t have told her.
‘Before you start getting excitable, we’re not together. And we never will be. I just…’ I let out a heavy sigh. ‘I just thought for maybe like a minute that I could be with him. That I could be happy again. Finally happy. But…’
‘But what?’
‘But he’s just like every other guy out there, Mum. Just interested in what he can get while he can get it. He doesn’t want a relationship with me.’
‘And why bloody wouldn’t he?’ she says, as if annoyed on my behalf.
‘I don’t know,’ I shrug, wiping my nose with my sleeve. ‘Because I’m boring. Safe. Predictable. Because my boobs are too small, and my butt is too chubby.’
‘Your butt is not chubby!’ she shouts, as if I insulted her own. ‘And your boobs are a perfect size for your body shape. He’d be bloody lucky to have you.’
I laugh through the tears. ‘You know, Mum, there comes a time where you just have to tell it to your daughter straight. Not give me all of this, "you’re beautiful" crap. Actually, tell me why I continue to get shit on.'
She smiles. ‘Katy, you are a silly billy. When are you going to realise that you’re my daughter and it’s impossible for me to see you badly? You’ll always be the most beautiful young lady in the room to me.’
‘Until Victoria comes in,’ I snort.
She frowns. ‘Katy, you know I don’t love either of you more than the other. Even if your sister is harder to handle sometimes. But the only thing that holds you back, is comparing yourself to Victoria. You’ve always been in her shadow and it’s like you’ve come to expect bad things to happen to you. With that attitude it will.’
I roll my eyes. ‘It’s learnt behaviour.’
‘All I’m saying is that you shouldn’t give up on something before it's even begun, because you’re so sure it's not going to work.’
‘You don’t understand, Mum. He’s a player. I could never trust him.’
She smiles kindly, like I have no idea about life. ‘Tell me this. When he looks at you, do you feel like the only woman who has his attention?’
I think about it. ‘Okay, yes, I do. But… I just don’t know if I have it in me to put myself out there to be hurt again. What would you do?’
She smiles. ‘Honey, if it was Felix, I’d be taking the risk. Have you seen that man?’
I burst out laughing. ‘Mum! You are such a hussy!’
She throws her head back laughing. ‘Did I ever tell you that your father was a bit of a lady's man?’
‘No. No way? Dad?’ I think of the Werther's Original smelling man I just left downstairs.
‘Yep, your dad,’ she nods. ‘I managed to tie him down when everyone warned me away from him. In the end I knew that he was worth the risk.’
I can’t believe Dad used to be a player. How embarrassing.
‘Even if that risk means potentially breaking your heart into smithereens?’
‘Honey, the heart can be battered and bruised, and at times it may feel broken, but it always withstands the pain. It keeps on beating regardless. It’s the strongest organ we have for a reason. It knows sometimes we have to experience pain in order to find our true love.’
I throw myself back onto the bed, my hands covering my face. I just want to hide away from reality, but I don’t even know if I have a bedroom here.
‘You’re going to have to face this, Katy. Whether you like it or not.’
I sit up and nod. ‘I know. It's just that I don’t know if he feels the same way and I can’t bear the rejection.’ The thought of him attempting to let me down gently has me feeling sick to the stomach.
She raises an eyebrow. ‘Would you rather waste your life wondering what if? Trust me, life is long when you’re wondering what could have been.’
I know she’s right. But I’m not feeling brave enough right now.
‘Okay. I’ll speak to him, but later.’
‘Fine. How about I run you a nice bubble bath in the meantime, cook us a curry and you can tell us all about your interviews.’
God, I could cry with relief.
‘I love you, Mum.’ I fling myself at her again, hugging her tight.
‘Now, now,’ she laughs. ‘We might have moved, but we’ll always be here for you girls, whenever you need us. You’ll always have a home here.’
‘Thank you.’
* * *
Felix
Well I didn’t expect Katy to bolt upstairs the minute we arrived. It left me, quite awkwardly, with her dad talking about the weather. Her Mum eventually came down to tell us she was feeling a little stressed and having a relaxing bath. The thought of her naked under those bubbles has my dick twitching. Must not get a hard-on in front of her parents.
‘So, Felix,’ her mum says with a smile. ‘How did the interviews go?’
I give her a vague answer, grateful when she offers me some tea and biscuits.
‘I hope you don’t mind, but you’ll have to share a room with Katy tonight. We’ve only got a two-bed now.’
‘He can take the sofa,’ her dad interrupts, clearly spooked at the idea of us sharing a bed.
‘That sofa?’ Her mum scoffs. ‘Don’t be ridiculous, Gerald. It’s got more lumps on it than the Loch Ness monster.’
Nice Scottish reference.
I shrug, trying to come across as not too keen to sleep in her bed. Not that I even know she’ll let me. She might tell me to piss off.
‘I don’t mind the sofa, if you prefer it?’ I offer to her dad.
He looks at me suspiciously for a solid three seconds before nodding his head.
‘The room share is fine. Obviously as long as no funny business takes place.’
‘There’ll be none of that,’ I promise with an awkward nod.
I turn around to see Katy in a pink fluffy dressing gown, her hair in a towel. I smile shyly at her. I hate not knowing where we stand.
‘Why don’t you both take your stuff up to the room to unpack?’ her mum says. Did I just imagine she gave me a wink? What was that about?
I nod and grab the bags, following Katy up the narrow stairs and down the hall into a small peach room with what looks like a barely double bed, and a dressing table.
I dump the bags on the floor and sit on the bed. She takes a seat on the stool in front of the dressing table.
‘So…’ she starts, wringing her hands together awkwardly.
‘So?’ I encourage.
God, just getting her to talk to me is painful.
She swallows, and I notice her lip is trembling.
‘So I’ve been thinking…’ she starts, unable to look me in the eye.
‘Uh-oh,’ I joke, just like I normally would.
She smiles, no doubt glad I’ve broken some of the tension.
‘I was thinking about what you said to me. You know, about… us.’
My stomach clenches. What is she about to say? That we can’t be together?
‘Right… and… what have you decided?’
She folds her arms across her chest. ‘Well, before I tell you, I want to know how you feel. What you want.’
Oh God. She wants me to lay it all out on the table. Well, what if I do and she shits all over it? Tells me I’m a dick, and she doesn’t want me anyway. I look at her face, her eyes squinted in vulnerability.
Here goes nothing.
‘I like you, Katy,’ I say simply.
‘You like me?’ she repeats, a grin creeping on her face. ‘Like, as in you also like cheese? Or a different kind of like?’
‘Okay,’ I grin back. ‘If you want me to be plain. I really like you. Want to take all your clothes off like you. Want to spoon you in bed every night like you. Make you laugh every day like you. That kind of like you.’
Her cheeks are practically puce they’re so red. How can such a beautiful creature be so unsure of herself? That sister has a lot to answer for.
‘Do you like me?’ I can’t help but ask.
She grins, her cheeks pinking up. ‘I think it’s pretty clear I like you.’
I can feel the shit-eating grin taking over my face. ‘Like me like you like cheese?’ I can’t help but joke.
‘More than cheese,’ she smiles. ‘But I’m scared.’
I frown. ‘Of what?’
‘Of you hurting me. I don’t think I could take it if I was cheated on again.’
God, that dickhead really did a number on her self-confidence. I stand up and walk over to her, dropping to my knees in front of her.
‘Katy, I’ve never cheated on anyone and I don’t intend to. I can’t promise we’ll be together the next twenty years, but I can promise that I’ll spend every day trying to make you happy. Isn’t that enough?’
She smiles. ‘Okay. It’s enough.’