Chapter 23

Lauren

The second I stepped into the hallway, Lance took off. I had no idea what was going on. It was actually really great timing. I'd taken off to bed as soon as we got home. Wait! We got to his home. It wasn't my home, and I needed to remind myself that. It was temporary. Between my lack of sleep and what had happened at his parents' house, I needed a few minutes to myself. Jackson had called Lance's dad grandpa, and Lance's dad had said our boy. I'd already told myself the night before that I needed to make a change, I needed to get my own place. Lance had never said one thing about us moving out. It wasn't like that at all. He was being great about everything when it came to me and to Jackson. That wasn't the problem. The problem was me.

I was in too deep already. I'd admitted to myself that I loved him. That was not okay. Us staying with him was only until I got on my feet. It was not permanent. If I was already having strong feelings for him, how was Jackson feeling? That was just a tiny part of what was going through my head the night before. I quickly got my answer when my son called Lance's dad grandpa. It was even worse that his dad never even flinched when Jackson had said it. He was as in love with Lance's family as I was. His mom and sister were amazing. His dad and James were something else. Even his extended family was the best. He'd made it clear that he wasn't the relationship kind of guy. We were fucking in his eyes. Sure, he got pissed about Eric, but that was just some manly, macho bullshit. It had nothing to do with me as girlfriend material or anything.

I'd just sat down on the couch with Jackson and hugged him super tight. How was he going to feel when it was time to move? Shit! How was I going to feel? It didn't matter. I'd have to get over it. I was used to not belonging. My mom and dad had both made sure of that. No man would want me. I heard those words so many times, I could even hear them in her voice.

When my phone rang, I jumped. Jackson hurried over to grab it. Then he ran back and handed it to me. When I saw who it was, I couldn't help the excitement that ran through me. What did they want, I wondered? Was it good or bad? When I heard his words, I couldn't believe it.

“We'd like to offer you a job,” he said.

“Really,” I said. “Are you serious?”

“I am,” he said. “I'm not sure how long you'd have to wait, but we want you to start as soon as you can. We even have a furnished apartment you can use while you find something.”

I looked over at Jackson and knew that I'd done it. I'd done something he could be proud of.

“Before you say anything, I just want you to know that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. There are a lot of people that would love to be getting this call right now.”

“You don't have to sell me on it,” I said. “This is my dream job.”

“You have no idea how good it is to hear you say that,” he said. “I'll tell you what, think about it overnight and call me in the morning. That way you can let me know when you can start.”

“Okay,” I said, feeling a bit confused. “I'll call you first thing tomorrow.”

I hung up the phone and jumped up off of the couch. Then I scooped Jackson up and swung him around in my arms. The door opened, and Lance walked in. I noticed he didn't have any more with him than he had when he left and couldn't help but wonder where he'd gone.

“Mommy is excited,” Jackson yelled out to Lance as soon as the door closed behind him.

“Oh yeah,” Lance said with a smile on his face. “Why is that?”

“You're not going to believe it,” I said with so much excitement in my tone. “They just offered me a job. Can you believe it?”

“Of course I can,” he said.

His smile was gone, and he quickly turned away from me.

“I bet Eric is excited about that.”

“Lance,” I said.

“What?” he asked. “I was just saying. What are you going to do?”

“This is my dream job,” I said.

“I know it is,” he said.

There was something there. What was it, I wondered? Was he pissed they'd called me? That had to be the reason for the way he was cutting me short.

“If I take it, I'll be able to give Jackson everything,” I said.

“Everything but time,” he replied.

“What the hell does that mean?” I asked.

“You'll be working every second. When will he see you?” he asked.

“If they called and offered you the job, you'd be working every second,” I said in my own defense.

“That's different,” he said with a shrug.

“How's that?” I asked sarcastically. “Do you mean because you don't have a child?”

“That's not what I said,” he snapped.

“What other choice do I have, Lance?” I asked, letting him know it wasn't like huge job offers were being thrown at me from every direction or anything.

“Stay here,” he said with the most serious look on his face.

“Yeah right,” I said with a laugh. “I can't stay here forever. You already let us stay here after I got kicked out of my mom's house. We're not your responsibility. I've definitely abused your friendship more than enough already.”

“Really?” he asked in a cocky tone. “My friendship. If it's what you want, take it.”

“If I don't take that, I still need something. I can't stay here forever,” I said.

He turned and walked away from me and down the hall.

“Lance,” I called out after him.

“I'm going to bed,” he said.

He closed the door behind him, but I quickly pushed it back open.

“Can you honestly say that you wouldn't jump at the chance if they called you?” I asked.

“It doesn't matter,” he answered, as he pulled his shirt off by the back of the neck and kicked his jeans off and to the side.

Then he got under the covers and turned away from me.

“Lance,” I snapped.

“I need a minute,” he said. “Turn the lights off on your way out.”

“Lance,” I said again.

“I said I need a minute,” he snapped. “Go!”

I let out a huff, turned the lights out, and pulled the door closed behind me.

“I can't believe I thought you'd be happy for me,” I said, as I walked away from his door.

I went back out with Jackson and played with him. When I realized what time it was, I went into the kitchen to make something for dinner. I wasn't sure if Lance was going to eat, so I turned on the oven and put a frozen pizza in to cook. Lance had been paying for food for us and never once complained. That was just one more example of how I was taking advantage of him. It needed to stop.

I'd gone back to playing with Jackson. Then I heard the bedroom door open. Lance walked out in a pair of sweats, and my eyes went straight to the v leading into them.

“Don't leave,” he said in a deep but tired tone.

“What?” I asked.

“I don't want you to go,” he said.

“You don't get it,” I said.

“What don't I get exactly?” he asked, as he walked over and let his body fall onto the couch.

I turned away and walked into the kitchen.

“Lauren,” he snapped, as he came around the corner and walked up behind me. “Tell me.”

I shook my head but didn't speak. When his hands touched my shoulders, I felt the tears I'd been fighting slip from my eyes. He turned me around and instantly had concern in his eyes.

“Talk to me,” he said. “What don't I get?”

“What happens when you're tired of having toys around, Lance?” I began, as my tears continued to fall. “I don't have a job. When I moved here, I quit doing side jobs. This job is what I've worked so hard for. It's my only chance to give Jackson what he deserves.”

Lance opened his mouth to say something, but I put my hand up and he stopped.

“Your family is all I know here. It's not my home. I don't have one anymore. I lost everything I knew as family and home. I don't belong anywhere. Moving there is going to be no different than starting someplace else. I was supposed to come here until I could get on my feet. This job is that way, Lance. Don't you see that? I can't stay here forever. What's going to happen when you decide you finally want a relationship and not just a friend with benefits? It's going to be so damn hard right now. I can't imagine what it would be like later. Jackson is getting way too close to you and your family. Your parents have been amazing. Did you hear it today? Did you hear Jackson call your dad grandpa? Did you see the smile on your dad's face? I couldn't take it. You're so damn lucky to have what you do, but I can't let him get any more attached. He's already had to deal with enough, and he's so damn young. It's not just going to break my heart when whatever we have going on is over. I have to think about him. We've already both gotten way too comfortable here.”

“Don't go,” he said.

“Did you even hear what I just said, Lance?” I asked.

“Yes, you said it would break your heart,” he said. “You have feelings for me.”

I shook my head and looked down at my feet.

“Of course I do,” I said. “You're the only one I've been with since I was sixteen.”

“Then don't leave,” he said, as if it were that easy.

“If I turn this down, I'll never have an opportunity to make Jackson proud.”

“You don't think he could be proud of you here?” he asked.

“Not like he would there,” I said.

Lance nodded and I could have sworn I saw hurt in his eyes. Then it was gone, and something else was there. He stood a bit taller and looked down at me with a look that made me shudder.

“So we're not good enough for you here,” he said.

Then he turned and began to walk away.

“Lance,” I said. “That's not what I meant.”

He stopped but didn't turn around.

“Do what you want,” he said. “I can't make you stay here with me. Just know that you're not the only one you'll be hurting if you leave.”

Then he was gone. When I knocked on the bedroom door to let him know the pizza was ready, he didn't answer. When I turned the knob on the door, it was locked.

I fed Jackson and picked at my own food, but Lance was all I could think about. What did he mean I wasn't the only one that would be hurt? Was he talking about Jackson? Was he talking about himself? He had gotten pissed about Eric. He'd even mentioned him when I told him they'd offered me the job. My mind was a mess. I had a decision to make, and it wasn't an easy one. It was one that was going to change my life either way.

I got Jackson ready and put him to bed. When I walked up to Lance's bedroom door and turned the knob, I was surprised that it opened. I quietly changed and slid into the bed under the covers. There was no way I wanted to wake him up. I was already a mess and didn't need any help making it worse. He lifted his arm, wrapped it around me, and pulled me close without a word. Once again, I realized how safe he made me feel. He saved me once. I don't know what I would have done without him.

I stared up at the ceiling most of the night weighing out my options. Taking the job would put an end to so many of my concerns. I'd have a job, a place to live, and a way to take care of Jackson. It was really an obvious decision. I'd also be walking away from Lance. We weren't committed to each other in any way, but he made me feel things I never thought I could feel. Could I stay and risk my son's future for my own heart? There was no way to know what would happen between Lance and me. He could change his mind as soon as someone better came along. I was so confused when it came to him. His family was amazing, and they treated us really good, but would that all stop the second whatever it was that was going on between their son and me was over? Could I take the job and leave not knowing what would have happened if I would have stayed?

When I opened my eyes, I looked over and Lance was gone. I hadn't even felt my eyes close. There was light coming in through the window. Where was he? I got up and walked over to look in Jackson's room, but he was gone. When I walked into the living room, my heart melted. Lance was on the couch with Jackson in his arms. The television was on, but they were both asleep. He'd gotten up with him for me. The sight in front of me pulled at my heart, and Lance's words came back to me. Sure, I'd have the job of my dreams. I'd be able to give Jackson everything he could ever want except for one thing, time with me. I looked back down at the man that owned my heart and the boy that I would do anything for and knew I had to take the risk, for both of us.

I grabbed my phone, walked back into Lance's bedroom, and sat down on the bed. My heart was racing. Was I doing the right thing? Shit! I finally got up the nerve and made the call.

“Hello, Lauren,” the man answered with a happy sound in his voice. “I hope you're calling to give me some good news. Will you be joining our team?”

I sat frozen for a moment.

“Lauren,” he said sounding a little less happy.

“I'm sorry,” I said. “I'm going to have to turn it down.”

“Seriously?” he asked.

“Some things have changed in my life, and I need to stay where I am for now,” I said. “I really am sorry. I'd love to work with you again, I just can't leave right now.”

“What is wrong with you two?” he mumbled.

“What?” I asked.

“You both acted like this job was the only thing you wanted in life, and you've both turned it down.”

“Lance turned it down?” I asked, feeling completely confused.

“He did,” the man said. “He never even gave it a second thought. As soon as I called him, he told me no. I even told him to think on it, but he said he didn't need too. When you agreed to call me back today, I was hopeful.”

“You offered him the job before you offered it to me?” I asked.

“I called him about an hour before I called you,” he said. “Please don't get the wrong idea, Lauren. We were giving you both a job. You two did amazing work. You started out obviously not liking each other, but it was also obvious that you came together to find the answer. That was what made our decision. You worked as a team. That's what we want. If you change your mind, let me know. I do look forward to working with you in the future.”

I hung up the phone feeling more confused than ever. He'd turned down the job, his dream job. He'd done it right away. He hadn't even needed to think about it. Why?

When I walked out of the room in total shock, I saw Lance standing in the kitchen, making coffee, with his back to me. Without thinking, I walked up behind him, ran my hands down his back and around his waist, and leaned my head against his shoulder.

“You turned it down,” I said. “They offered you the job, and you turned in down without a second thought. Is that true?”

“Yes,” he said.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because I couldn't leave you two,” he said.

“You have feelings for me?” I asked.

He turned in my arms and lifted my chin until our eyes connected.

“I love you,” he said.

“What?” I asked, again feeling totally shocked.

“Your mom was wrong,” he said. “I want you, both of you. I love you, Lauren. I love Jackson too.”

Tears poured from my eyes. He said he loved me. I couldn't believe it. He loved us. He took my cheeks in his hands and crashed his lips to mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck, my hands dove into his hair, and I kissed him back harder and with more passion than I ever had before. His hands moved down, grabbed my ass, and lifted until I wrapped my legs around his waist. Then he carried me to the bedroom and showed me just how much he meant it.

We both collapsed on the bed with our limbs tangled together. I turned in his arms, leaned up on my elbow, brushed his hair out of his eyes, and looked into them.

“They were offering us both a job,” I said.

“Really?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said. “Does that change your mind? We could go there together.”

“It doesn't,” he said. “I want Jackson here around my family. If we're both working there, he'll be in daycare and we'll barely see him. If we're here, he'll be home with you while I'm at work.”

“What about while I'm at work?” I asked.

“You don't need to work,” he said.

“Yes, I do,” I said. “I need to contribute, Lance. I'm not just going to live off of you. I can't do that.”

“How about this,” he said. “You stay home until Jackson starts school next year. Then you can work with James. He asked me not long ago if you'd be interested in a job.”

“Why didn't you tell me?” I asked. “Wait, why didn't you tell me about turning the job down?”

“I wanted you to make your own decision. I didn't want to say anything that might change your mind for any reason.”

“You really don't want to go?” I asked. “Not long ago, you said that was the only thing on your list you had left to accomplish. There is no way I want you to give that up because of us.”

“My list changed the day you sat your ass down next to me in that bar,” he said. “We need to do what's best for Jackson and that is raising him here with my family. Don't think of it as you living off me. Think of it more as you living beneath me.”

He rolled us so I was on my back and he was hovering over me.

“See,” he said with a smile. “Living beneath me.”

“You're something else,” I said with a laugh.

“You can always go hang out with my sister and ogle baseball players all day,” he said with a jealous look in his eyes.

“You're the only one I want to ogle. I love you,” I said, as I grabbed hold of his hair and pulled his mouth to mine. “You and your crazy family.”

“Say it again,” he said, as his hips moved forward and his already hard cock rubbed against me.

“I love you,” I said.

He spread my legs with his knee and I felt the tip of his cock against my entrance.

“Again,” he said, as he grabbed my leg and lifted my ass off the bed.

“I love you, Lance Smith,” I cried out, as he thrust into me in one quick movement. “Fuck! I love you so much.”

“I love you too, baby,” he said, as he claimed my body as his. “You're mine. I'll never do anything to screw that up. Just so you know, I'll kick all those baseball players' asses if I need to.”

When we finally fell back down onto the bed again, I closed my eyes so thankful for the man next to me. He was mine, and he'd never know just how much he meant to me.