Chapter 5

Lauren

“Fuck!” I snapped out into my empty room.

I slammed the lid of my laptop down, walked over and fell onto my bed, and I cried. There was no way I was going to get together with Eric, but I had kept his number in case I needed help. Lance had every right to be pissed. He couldn't have gotten help from any of the guys. If I'd called and gotten Eric's help, it would have been wrong. I didn't plan on doing it, but I could see why Lance thought what he did. I'd been in such a hurry with my whirlwind of emotions when I left his room that night. The paper must have fallen out of my pocket when I grabbed my phone to use it for light. Shit! How could he think I'd do something with Eric? There was no way. The guy gave me the creeps. Wait, I thought. What did he care? Was it just about me getting help on the project? It sure didn't seem like that was all he was pissed about.

He'd heard me on the phone with Jackson. I didn't know how. I hadn't seen him in the hallway. He was in his room, at least I thought he was. When I showed up at his door, he seemed relaxed. Not for one second did I think he'd just gotten back. I couldn't help my mind from wandering back to that night. The way he stood tall with his arms crossed over his chest was so damn sexy. He exuded power and control. Every part of me wanted to please him. Damn! Back on track, I told myself. That was the problem with him, he was messing with my head. The man was driving me crazy.

Did he care, I found myself wondering? He'd mentioned Eric and Jackson in the same sentence. He thought I was with both of them. How the fuck was I supposed to have time for that? What did the man think, I had double the hours in a day that he did? It was ridiculous. I thought back to his messages and could picture his face and body like he was right there. He was pissed, there was no hiding it. I could see him standing with his shoulders back and a serious look on his face. Just the thought made me shiver.

What kind of woman did he think I was, I wondered? Did he honestly think I was in bed with him right after I'd told another man I loved him? That was not me. My days of sleeping around were over not long after they'd started. Wait, I thought. What did I care? He was the one in the bar. He was the one that started the whole thing. How many times had he done that? Was it a regular thing for him? Was I really the one being played?

I pushed myself up and off of my bed before walking to the kitchen to get something warm to drink. When I felt something touch my back as I backed away from the coffee pot, I jumped.

“Grandma,” I gasped.

“I'm sorry, Lauren,” she said. “I didn't mean to scare you. I was just coming to get a drink myself. Are you having coffee at this time of night?”

“Just a little,” I said. “I needed something warm. This was the only thing I could think of. I'm going to bed right after.”

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Fine,” I said.

“You want to talk about anything?” she asked.

“I'm good,” I said.

“Really?” she asked with a sly grin on her face.

“Yes,” I said.

“Sit down,” she said. “What's going on, and before you give me the whole nothing answer, I'm letting you know that I'm not buying it.”

I let out a sigh and sat down in the chair across from where she was standing. She sat down too and waited patiently for me say something.

“It's the guy I'm competing with for the job,” I said.

“What about him?” she asked.

I opened my mouth and things started pouring out of it. She'd asked for it, right? I told her everything, well almost everything. I left out what we did behind closed doors. My grandma didn't need to hear that stuff.

“Your grandpa wasn't always easy to deal with. He was so damn stubborn,” was the first thing she said, and I was shocked.

How could she compare what I'd just told her to the crazy, awesome love she had with my grandpa? It wasn't even close to the same.

“It's not like that,” I said. “You must have missed something. I just got done telling you that I can't stand the guy. He's cocky, demanding, irritating, and a pain in my butt. He is the opposite of grandpa or anyone decent for that matter. I'm telling you, he's the worst.

“I see,” she said.

“What?” I asked.

She narrowed her eyes at me, but I could see the smile playing at the corners of her lips.

“Not a thing,” she said. “You don't like him?”

“Of course not,” I said.

“He doesn't like you?” she asked.

“Nope,” I answered.

“He's furious that you might be talking to other guys, and you're going crazy worrying about what he thinks of you,” she said.

“Right,” I said. “I don't want him to think bad of me.”

“You like him,” she said.

“Yes, I mean no. I don't know,” I said. “That doesn't matter.”

“You need to talk to him,” she said.

“I can't,” I said. “He's so mad. No, the man is furious. He thinks I'm a player and that I might be willing to sleep with a guy to get help with my work. I've tried talking to him. He won't even answer my messages anymore. The man is unreasonable, Grandma.”

She shook her head, and I could see her grin growing.

“What do I say if I even find a way to get him to talk to me?” I asked. “The minute he finds out who Jackson is, he's going to judge me. He does that a lot. It isn't going to sound any better that I had a child at seventeen. If anything, it's going to make his point stronger and freak him out.”

“How do you know that?” she asked.

“Mom's right,” I said. “Nobody is going to want me.”

“You can't let what your mother says get to you, Lauren,” she said. “She's just bitter about her own life. She knew who your father was before she married him and had you. Someone let her know right away. She just wasn't smart enough to walk away. Your mother is miserable, that's her own fault. That's not for you to think about. You need to talk to him.”

“How?” I asked.

“You said you have his number,” she said.

“If I call him, he'll flip. He doesn't know about the number. He already thinks I'm crazy. There's no way I want him to think I'm a crazy stalker. He'd just hang up anyway.”

“He's in Pennsylvania, right?” she asked.

“Yes, why?” I asked.

“Go there. It's not that far away, a few hours maybe,” she said.

“Crazy stalker,” I reminded her.

“Be the pain in the ass he thinks you are,” she said with a chuckle. “He can't turn you off or hang you up. He'll have no choice but to hear you out.”

“What am I going to say?” I asked.

“That's for you to figure out,” she said with a smile. “You have the whole drive to think about that. Go get some sleep and head out first thing in the morning. I'll take care of Jackson.”

“Grandma,” I said, ready to argue it with her. “I have work to do.”

“Don't give me any excuses, Lauren,” she said. “I don't think you'll miss much work being gone one day. You need to get your head straight before you screw up the job I've been hearing about forever. When you come back, you need to be able to get back to work or give up. The choice is yours. Now get your ass to sleep. You better be gone when I wake up tomorrow.”

“But,” I began, but she cut me off.

“Go,” she said sternly. “It's obvious that you need to figure this out. The sooner the better. Tomorrow is soon enough. Off to bed.”

I stood up and hugged her tight.

“Where would I be without you?” I asked.

“There's no need to talk about that,” she said, as she pulled away and motioned toward the doorway. “Bed.”

I was up, dressed, and on my way early the next morning. How I manged to fall asleep, I didn't know, but I was able to get a couple of hours in before my eyes were open wide again. My stomach felt sick, and I wanted to back out. The only thing stopping me was my grandma. She would have pushed and pushed until I finally gave in anyway. She was always right, so I decided to trust her opinion on the subject.

The drive wasn't too bad. It was actually much better than I thought. I was barely off the highway at all. The closer I got, the more questions ran through my mind. Would he be alone? What if someone else was there? Would he even answer the damn door? Would he freak out and act like I was crazy?

My stomach was in knots when I parked my car just outside of his apartment. It seemed to be in a good neighborhood, but I was still surprised. I'd expected him to live somewhere fancy, like a huge building with his place on the top floor. That wasn't the case at all. It was just an average looking place, like one that I'd live in if I had my own place.

Halfway up the walk, I realized that I was no better than him. I'd just judged him the same way he'd judged me. I shook my head at my thoughts and continued walking. When I lifted my hand and knocked on the door, I felt like I was going to lose it. Please don't be a jerk and turn me away, I pleaded in my mind with the man on the other side of the door. At least, I hoped it was him.