Trouble

 

I’d always imagined that if I spent much time alone with Jackson, especially at his home, the atmosphere would be awkward, stiff even. We’d made significant progress in our relationship since he first attempted to make amends on Thanksgiving, and the distrust I’d been holding onto had dissipated over time. Still, as I lounged next to him on his patio watching the sunset, I was rather astonished at the sense of calm washing over me, particularly because I had been dreading my stay with him just yesterday.

He was focused on playing fetch with Penny, so I took advantage of the opportunity to secretly study him. The fading light glinted off his dark curls, giving them an almost ethereal orange glow. His exaggerated five o’clock shadow softened his angular jawline, as did the contented smile he wore. He looked as relaxed as I’d ever seen him, and I couldn’t help but wonder if this was a typical evening for him. If so, I might have to start finding excuses to spend the night with him.

We’d finally gone running on the beach that morning, and although the experience had been different than my usual routine with Knox, I had thoroughly enjoyed it. Where Knox was all power and intensity, Jackson had been unhurried and surprisingly conversational. I was struggling to figure him out, puzzled by the two distinct sides to his personality. When it came to Zenith, Jackson was all-business and generally stern. But, in a more intimate setting, he seemed so . . . Zen.

My thoughts wandered to the night almost four months ago when Jackson had showed up at the loft with ice cream and stories about his past. When he’d explained that his ex-girlfriend was injured because of his bad decisions, I’d seen anxiety and something resembling fear in his eyes. Although what he’d told me about Emily had stayed in the back of my mind since then, a prickle of recognition suddenly seized me.

It made me realize how difficult it is to maintain a serious relationship with someone while doing this job, he’d said. And, I couldn’t take a chance that another girl would be hurt because of me.

Ever since I found out about the pact, I’d been mostly assuming the worst of Jackson and the other guys. My emotions had been through the wringer—anger, insecurity, frustration, and confusion my frequent companions. But, whether Jessica’s prediction that the sexy six pack had crushes on me from the beginning was true, was it possible there was yet another explanation? Had the guys, Jackson in particular, been concerned for my safety and not merely my comfort and “virtue”? Were they worried I’d get too close?

“Penny for your thoughts?” Jackson asked, and I blinked at him a few times, realizing with embarrassment that I’d still been staring while lost in my ponderings.

“Deal.” Turning to Jackson’s dog, I said, “Come here, girl. Your daddy gave you away,” I cooed. “Can you believe that?”

Jackson gave me a shocked look and then started laughing. “Note to self: never use that phrase again, especially around you. How about ice cream instead? I stocked up on mint chocolate chip just for you.”

Wondering at the coincidence of him bringing up ice cream now, I sighed. “I guess that’ll do.”

“Seriously, though,” he continued, “I can tell that something is bothering you.”

Was I willing to tell him the truth? I hadn’t planned on it, but I was suddenly overcome with the urge to get this pact conversation over with. While I could ask Theo or really any one of the others, I found myself needing to hear what Jackson had to say on the subject. But, I had to go about this the right way.

I gave him a solemn look and said, “If I tell you something, will you promise to keep it to yourself? You can’t run off and discuss it with the team.”

He peered at me, and for a few long moments I thought he would deny my request. “Okay, I promise,” he responded slowly.

“I’m serious, Jackson,” I reiterated. “This conversation stays between us.”

“You’re starting to make me regret agreeing,” he said in a light voice, but when I simply stared at him he nodded. “Got it.”

Not wanting to pause for even a second and chance reconsidering, I blurted, “I know about the agreement you all made not to date me or pursue me or whatever.”

His face remained stoic, and I mentally cursed his unflappable demeanor. “Do you?” he said casually, like I’d just told him I enjoyed reading Jane Austen novels.

“Yes,” I replied, unable to hide my exasperation. “Will you tell me about it? I’m assuming it was your idea.”

“What do you want to know?” he asked, not denying my statement.

“Maybe you can start by explaining why.”

His blank expression transformed into one of amusement. “Do you really have to ask? I thought it was fairly obvious.”

It was? “You thought wrong.”

His smile grew, and despite the fading light, his dark blue eyes seemed to flash. “I didn’t even have to meet you to know you were going to be trouble.”

“Excuse me?” I said, not at all expecting that response.

“Back in Coleville, then the cabin . . . Knox, Ethan, and Chase kept calling me with updates, and I could hear it in their voices. That there was something special about you; they wanted to take care of you and protect you. God, you should have heard Knox trying to convince me to bring you to Santa Cruz.” He chuckled. “I have no doubt he would have done it with or without my approval.”

Startled by his admission, I asked in an incredulous voice, “You didn’t want me to come to Santa Cruz?”

“Absolutely not. I had no idea what was going on with you or your father, but I had no desire to get involved. We completed our assignment, and that’s all I cared about.”

“What changed your mind?”

“A combination of things. Hearing about how you ran away and defended yourself against Knox, which is not an easy feat. The fact that everything you knew about poker came from The Sting—both Knox and Ethan texted me about that one. And, instinct, I guess. It seemed like the right thing to do, despite your resistance to the idea.”

“Wow,” I whispered, having difficulty absorbing his words. Although I’d originally blamed Knox for the “kidnapping,” once I met Jackson, I figured he’d been behind it. No wonder he acted so cool toward me in the beginning.

I shifted in my seat, realizing we’d gotten off topic. “What does any of that have to do with the agreement?”

“Everything,” he said as he sat forward, leaning closer to me without touching. “You showed up, and I had this vision of the future when, not if, you’d turn our tidy, disciplined world upside down. Even after spending just days with you, I could see how captivated the guys were with you, and it’s not like I could blame them. You’re beautiful, sweet, intelligent, and way too tempting. I had to find a way to protect you and the team.”

The words beautiful, tempting, and captivated were swirling around in my head, but I still fixated on his last sentence. Huffing out a short laugh, I asked, “You think the team needed to be protected from me?”

“Yeah, Haley, I did. I do. When it comes down to it, there are six of us and one of you. You’re smart . . . do the math.” I would have been offended, but his tone was teasing, and I felt the hint of a smile creeping up.

“If you haven’t figured it out, and I’m sure that you have,” he continued, “the team is pretty much my entire life. And, maybe it was selfish, but part of my reasoning was that I couldn’t risk you coming between us.”

I was suddenly hit with a wave of guilt. Was it possible that I would come between them, especially if I said yes to Chase? Jackson may have chosen different words, but I knew what he really meant was that the team was his family. I would be the selfish one to mess that up for him and the others.

“So, it wasn’t because of what happened with Emily?” I found myself asking, although I probably should have dropped it.

Jackson looked surprised, but he nodded. “Yeah, that was another consideration. I always discourage the team from serious relationships, which sounds bad, I know, but I have my reasons. You don’t know how many times I’ve thought that you would be better off away from us.”

Why did his explanations have to sound so reasonable? It was impossible to stay annoyed when he was acting with good intentions. But, I still had to know where to go from here.

“Is that it, then?” I asked, sounding more desperate than I was comfortable with. “I keep spending all of my time with six incredible guys, but it can never be anything more?”

“Incredible, huh?” he said with a smirk. “I never said never, Haley. Honestly, I keep waiting for someone to bring it up, but no one has. In the beginning, I assumed you’d only be staying with us for a short time until you were reunited with your father. I didn’t exactly think through the long-term implications.”

“Oh.”

“Are you going to tell me how you found out about the agreement?”

I crossed my arms and gave him a smile. “No.”

“Of course not,” he said with a laugh. “At least tell me this—are you currently in a romantic relationship with someone on my team?”

Hesitating, I considered his question then decided I didn’t have a problem answering it as worded. “No.”

“But you’re considering it?”

I lifted an eyebrow but remained quiet, unwilling to give anything else away. Jackson relaxed back in his chair and focused on Penny, but I could tell he was thinking. After a few minutes of silence, he returned his attention to me.

Giving me a wry grin, he said, “Believe it or not, I won’t try to tell you what to do.” His smile faded and his gaze seared into me. “Just be careful, Haley. Please.”

He didn’t go into more detail, but I understood that he wasn’t warning me away from any of the guys; he was urging me to be careful with their—and maybe even his—feelings. Perhaps Jess was right and several, if not all, of them were interested in me. Knowing it was a possibility, would I ever be able to choose one over the others?

The rest of the evening was pretty low key; we ate the ice cream I’d earned and shared the couch with Penny while we read, soft music playing in the background. To my surprise, after our rather personal conversation about the pact, I felt more comfortable with Jackson than ever. It should have made things more awkward, but it somehow managed to achieve the opposite result. Maybe the key to improving our friendship was to simply open up more . . . both of us.

I glanced up from my book to find Jackson watching me, and I sensed that he liked having me in his space. And while I was uncertain about so many things, I knew one thing for sure—I liked it too.

 

*  *  *

 

Jessica: I knew it! Now what are you going to do about it?

I had sent her a text with a short explanation of what Jackson had revealed about the pact the night before and could imagine her smug smile at being right about the guys being “captivated” with me from the beginning.

Me: I. Have. No. Clue.

Jessica: Remember what I said, follow your heart and you’ll figure it out.

Me: I sure hope so. Gotta go.

Jessica: K. Love ya!

I put my phone in my bag just as Jackson opened the driver’s side door to his Jeep. When he’d mentioned needing to pick up a few things from the grocery store on the way home from work, I’d decided to wait in the car and call Jess. Unfortunately, she’d been out with friends so I texted her instead, but I was sure she would bug me until I told her every detail of my conversation with Jackson at a later date.

Once we were back on the highway, he turned down the radio and glimpsed my way. “We haven’t discussed the DuBois development since the flight back from Vegas. How are you doing with everything?”

I stared out the window, unsure how to answer. Although I’d been attempting to not obsess over the news that DuBois was definitely after Dad, the truth was, I was scared. I knew my dad was resourceful, but he couldn’t hide indefinitely. Or, could he? He’d done it before. And, maybe that was what I was most afraid of—that he’d stay away forever in order to protect me. No. I refuse to accept that, I thought.

“How do you think DuBois found out that Dad’s alive and worked in Coleville?” I asked, avoiding Jackson’s question about how I was handling my newfound knowledge.

“I wish I knew. My best guess is that Douglas’s investigation allowed that information to get into the wrong hands. Not sure how it happened, but nothing else makes sense.”

I groaned, running my hands through my hair. “It’s so frustrating. He stayed off the radar for all those years, and now everything has gone to hell.”

Jackson’s face fell. “Haley, I’m sorr—”

“No, it’s not your fault,” I interrupted. “You were doing your job; you had no way of knowing what would happen when you tracked down my dad.” And for the first time, I realized that I believed it. There were times when I blamed the guys, Jackson in particular, for everything that had happened. But, they weren’t responsible for the choices DuBois or Douglas or even my dad had made. “I just can’t stand the thought of that monster finding him.”

“I know you’re worried about him, but you have to trust he’s going to be okay. I have no doubt that the trail has run cold for DuBois, and he doesn’t seem the type to exert energy on what likely appears to be a lost cause.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“Are you sure you don’t want us to start searching for your father again?”

After considering it over the last few days since finding out about the DuBois connection, I knew my previous decision should stand. “I’m sure.”

I hated to admit it, but part of me wondered how much the guys could actually accomplish anyway. They’d found Dad once, but could they do it again? My curiosity about their “real” work at Zenith had ebbed some over time, but it bugged me that they were still keeping something so important from me.

“Speaking of searching, are you ever going to explain to me how you all are qualified in that area? I know it’s not a normal element of private security,” I said, proud of my breezy tone.

Jackson shrugged, his expression giving away nothing, as usual. “It’s a hobby; no big deal.”

I laughed, not at all surprised by his nonchalant response. “Nice try, Jackson. I’m not an idiot. I’ve always known that you’re hiding something—and I’m guessing it’s huge—about your job.”

He pulled into his garage and then turned to me, his lips slanted in a sensual grin. “Oh, I’m hiding something huge alri—”

“Stop!” I practically shouted, heat rushing my face as I realized what I’d said. “You can’t distract me. I want to know what you’re hiding about your job.”

Jackson’s smile remained, but I could see tension in his shoulders that wasn’t there before. I felt bad pushing the issue since we’d been getting along so well, but now that it was out there, I couldn’t take it back.

“Anything we might be keeping from you about our job is a secret for a reason, Haley. It’s not up to me to fill you in, even if I wanted to.”

“Do you want to?” I whispered, needing to know.

“Yes, I want to,” he murmured back.

“Maybe someday?” I asked hopefully.

He didn’t answer, but I could have sworn his eyes told me yes. Wishful thinking?

“We’d better get this stuff in the fridge,” he said, hopping out of the Jeep and grabbing the bags from the back.

I followed him inside and, once the groceries were put away, we went our separate ways to change clothes. Part of me was disappointed that Jackson hadn’t told me more, but we had made so much progress, I wasn’t as upset as I expected. Unlike when I’d first moved to Santa Cruz, I no longer questioned whether the guys had good intentions in whatever they were doing behind the scenes. I had to believe that they would let me in on it eventually.

When I met Jackson on the patio about twenty minutes later, he had the grill going and I noticed three steaks ready to go on. “Hungry?” I asked jokingly.

“Yes, but the extra steak is for Chase. I forgot to mention I invited him for dinner; he should be here soon.”

“Oh, okay,” I answered calmly as my stomach twisted with anxiety and anticipation. Why did the mere sound of his name get me so flustered? Nothing had really changed, except I now knew for sure that he wanted to date me, of course. Plus, I had no doubt that Jackson would pick up on any weirdness between us, so I seriously needed to get my nerves under control.

“Do you mind if I take Penny on a quick walk?” I asked, needing to stretch my legs after a long day at work.

“Of course not; she’ll love it. Just let me grab her leash for you.”

Jackson returned a minute later, Penny at his heels, clearly happy to see her leash. He handed me the leash, and before I knew what was happening, Penny had circled me and, in her excitement, nudged the back of my legs. Taken by surprise, I lost my balance, stumbling into Jackson and pushing him to the ground. I managed to right myself before falling, but I knelt down beside him to make sure he was okay.

“Oh my gosh, Jax. I’m so sorry. Are you hurt?”

He stared at me wordlessly for a moment, and I worried that his fall was worse than I’d anticipated. Did he hit his head? “How many fingers am I holding up?” When he didn’t immediately answer, I leaned closer to examine his eyes for glassiness and my fingers went to the back of his head to check for a knot.

“You called me Jax,” he finally said, his voice unusually hoarse.

“I did?” I asked, trying to think back to what I’d said. “I didn’t realize.”

“I liked it,” he told me, the corners of his eyes crinkling in accompaniment with his bright smile. I tried to figure out how to respond while attempting to ignore the butterflies taking flight in my stomach.

“Everything okay back here?” Chase’s voice asked from behind us.

I jumped up, aware of how the position must have looked, my face inches away from Jackson’s and my hand grasping the back of his neck. “Um, yeah,” I stuttered, “just a little clumsiness on my part.”

Jackson got up and brushed the grass off his shorts. “That was not clumsiness; that was an over-excited Penny all the way.”

“We’ll be back in a few minutes,” I said as I started to walk away with Penny, grateful for the excuse to escape.

“Can I tag along?” Chase asked.

So much for escape. “Sure.”

Chase was quiet as we strolled along the beach, and I wondered what he was thinking. Was he upset about how he’d found me and Jackson? Although it was technically innocent, when I remembered Jackson’s smile, I wasn’t sure “innocent” properly described the encounter.

“You and Jessica seemed to have a good time in Vegas.”

Thankful for the neutral topic, I responded, “Yeah, it was amazing to see her but also kind of strange. So much has changed since we were last together in August. Sometimes I feel like a completely different person than I was before . . . all of this.” I waved my hand absently.

“That’s understandable. I know how much my life has changed since September; I can’t even imagine how you feel.” Um, was he referring to me, or was I reading into his words?

Chase stopped walking, and I tugged on Penny’s leash, halting beside him. “Changed in a good way, in case you were wondering,” he said, his dimple appearing. Okay, yeah, he was definitely referring to me.

“Well, considering how impactful your Advanced Linear Algebra class has been, I’m not surprised.”

His grin deepened. “Yes, because I was talking about algebra.”

“Hmm . . .,” I shook my head sadly, “now that I think about it, it’s possible you’re a bit of a nerd.”

His shoulders shook with laughter, causing his T-shirt to tighten over his upper body in a very un-nerdlike way. “I’m glad you think so, because I have a nerdy proposition for you.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Have you seen the movie Battleship?”

“Nope.”

“Good. How do you feel about dinner and Battleship—the game and the movie—at my place next Friday night?”

Was he asking me on a date? In the last few days since we’d returned from Vegas, he’d been texting more than usual, and it almost seemed like he was subtly pursuing me. Either way, I needed to, wanted to, say yes. “Okay, sounds fun.”

Chase lifted his hand and pushed a strand of hair that had come loose from my ponytail behind my ear. “Can’t wait.” His gaze lowered, but before I had a chance to consider whether he was thinking about kissing me again, he stepped away. “We should get back. I’m sure the steaks are ready by now.”

Over dinner, I found myself observing Jackson and Chase. Although I was used to hanging out with different combinations of the guys, I had never spent much time alone with only those two, and I was surprised by how compatible they seemed. But, when I thought about it, I shouldn’t have been. Just because I associated Jackson with Liam and Knox, and Chase with Ethan and Theo, didn’t mean that they actually had those preferences. Apparently Chase came over regularly to go surfing with Jackson, and Theo and Jackson went mountain biking every month or so. How had I missed all of that?

As much as I wanted to ignore the issue, I kept wondering how Jackson would react if he found out that Chase was the one who told me about the pact, and only because he’d already kissed me. Somehow, I imagined that Chase would be the last on his list of suspects, since he was typically the one most likely to follow the rules. If I agreed to date Chase, he was risking a lot . . . was I even worth the trouble?