In Too Deep

 

With one foot on the dock and the other on the boat, Jackson spanned the gap and held out a hand to me. “Ready to come aboard?”

“Absolutely,” I answered, placing my hand in his and loving the feel of his fingers surrounding mine. I was excited by the prospect of sailing along the Santa Cruz coastline with Liam and Jackson. The weather was perfect, sunny with a decent breeze, and a number of boats were already out on the water. I doubted we’d be swimming, but I had a swimsuit on beneath my shorts and T-shirt and had brought a hoodie.

I scanned the boat deck, taking it all in. There was a steering wheel at the stern, or rear, with bench seats clustered around it in a U-shape. Directly ahead of the wheel was the entrance to the cabin and above that, a mast and sails that had yet to be unfurled. A narrow walkway ran along each side of the boat, a low railing lining the edge. At the front of the boat, or the bow, as Jackson told me, was a small space to sit on the deck.

Liam appeared from the cabin wearing a maroon baseball hat with the letter “S” embroidered in white before placing a matching one on my head. “Here you are, gorgeous. Trust me, you’re going to want to wear it.”

“Thanks,” I said as I pulled my braid in front of my shoulder. “Do I need to wear a life jacket?” I asked, scanning the deck and admiring the beauty of the sailboat. It was mid-sized, larger than others in the harbor but more for day sailing than overnight trips due to the small quarters below deck, Liam had explained.

“Since the boat is over sixteen feet long, it’s not required, but you are welcome to wear one if you want. The life jackets are beneath that bench,” Jackson said as he pointed to a bench at the rear of the boat.

“Great, thanks. Anything else I should know or anything I can help with?”

Both Jackson and Liam were busying themselves around the boat, preparing sails and ropes and unloading things into the cabin.

Liam called out, “If we happen to capsize, you should be more concerned with sharks than the boat sinking before assistance arrives.”

“Gee, that’s an encouraging thought,” I said sarcastically.

“Liam,” Jackson said sternly, “you know better than to frighten our guest before we reach the open water.”

Liam laughed. “Okay, just don’t pull any of your stunts like when we went to Catalina.”

Jackson rolled his eyes as he walked toward me. “I’m never going to live that down. And it’s highly unlikely we will capsize. Liam and I are experienced sailors, and sometimes we like to sail close to the wind, so to speak. If we’re going too fast or making you uncomfortable, say something.” He winked then started unwinding the rope that was tethering us to the dock.

I took a seat on the bench, hoping to have a good view of the action without getting in their way. Liam fired up the engine, and I glanced over at him as he steered us out of the narrow docks toward the opening that led to the ocean. In that moment, he looked relaxed and confident, happy but with that still distinctly-Liam naughtiness lurking beneath the surface. His grin widened, and I snapped a picture with my phone, loving the look of the boat and ocean in the background.

“I hope you enjoy your new screensaver,” he said, his attention focused on the bow.

“Nah, just capturing this nice moment before you become shark bait.”

“First of all, you look way tastier that I do,” he said as he tilted his head down and peered over the rim of his sunglasses.

“Eyes on the water, el capitán,” I joked.

“And, secondly,” he said more seriously, “I was kidding. I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.”

“Well, the day is young—you never know. Besides, I might get a shot of Jax that is more worthy of my screensaver.”

“Jax, huh?” Liam said, commenting on my use of Jackson’s nickname instead of his full name.

I remained quiet, reflecting on the past few days with Jackson as the engine hummed, propelling us forward. The water was smooth in the inlet and lapped at the side of the boat as seagulls flew overhead and seals occasionally peeked their heads from beneath the surface. I loved comparing all the boats we passed and seeing what their names were—some were basic while others were quite creative and often very clever.

I laughed aloud at a name and Liam turned his head to look at me. “What’s so funny?”

“Some of these boat names are very . . . amusing,” I said, not brave enough to consider repeating the rather risqué name.

“Yeah, I’m always entertained by ‘Knotty Buoy’ and ‘On the Rocks.’”

I laughed. “So punny.”

“Well, which one do you like?”

“Since I’m partial to astronomy terms, I like ‘Pyxis.’”

“Mariner’s compass,” Jackson said as he approached the stern momentarily.

“Precisely,” I answered, impressed by Jackson’s surprising knowledge of the rather obscure Latin term that was also the name of a faint constellation.

As we neared the opening to the ocean, Jackson prepared the sails and shuffled expertly around the boat. We exited the cove, the waves swelling larger and the wind gusting dramatically. Once we had cleared other boats, Liam cut the engine and they both set to work adjusting the sails.

I knew Liam and Jackson had sailed together in the past, but watching them was mesmerizing; despite barely even speaking, they knew exactly what to do. And it didn’t hurt that they looked like they’d stepped off the pages of a Ralph Lauren ad, complete with swim trunks, pullovers, and aviator sunglasses. This is the life, I thought, the wind blowing through my hair and the sun warming my skin.

Is this really my life? I questioned for the millionth time since the fire.

“How are you doing, Haley?” Jackson asked as he neared the back of the boat where I was sitting. I pulled my hoodie on, thankful I had brought it.

“Great,” I responded enthusiastically while the boat bobbed up and down on the waves.

We were soon underway, progressing north, passing the Boardwalk and the beautiful rugged coastline. Our speed was decent, but comfortable, and I felt safe enough to walk around the boat deck. Standing at the bow, I had the illusion that we were going faster but knew it was just the feeling of being closer to the waves rushing past.

When I finally returned to the stern, I removed my hoodie, the day quickly warming up. Jackson offered me some of his water, and I accepted, feeling his eyes on me the entire time I was drinking.

“I get the feeling you guys are holding back for my benefit.”

Liam kept his attention focused on the boat while Jackson spoke. “Did you hear that, Liam? I think Miss Jones is accusing us of taking it easy on her.”

“Is that so?” Liam asked, and a look passed between the two of them. “Better hold on tight, gorgeous.”

Heeding Liam’s warning, I reclaimed my seat and kept one hand on the railing. After Jackson made adjustments, our speed increased dramatically, and the boat pitched slightly to one side. I squealed and clutched at the railing, my eyes wide, surprised by the sudden shift while water sprayed higher at the front of the boat.

“Still feel like we’re taking it easy on you?” Jackson asked.

I shook my head and smiled nervously.

“And I thought you were an adrenaline junkie.” He laughed, clearly at ease despite the boat’s speed and tilting.

Jackson was right when he warned me that he and Liam liked to push the envelope. It felt like we were flying but also teetering on the edge of spinning out of control. After a few more minutes, the sail flapped gently and the boat righted to a more level position. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding and stood once the boat seemed to be floating easily.

“Did we push it too far . . . or do you want to go further?” Jackson asked, his voice deeper than normal.

Meanwhile, Liam approached from behind, settling his hand on my hips and effectively trapping me between them. “Why do I feel like I’m being circled by sharks,” I joked, wondering what they intended to do, because I got the impression we were no longer discussing sailing. Maybe the sun and salt water were getting to me.

“Because you look positively delectable,” Liam replied as his head dipped closer to my neck, his muscular chest cradling my back as the boat rocked on the waves. He nuzzled into my neck and licked, tickling my skin and making me giggle. “Mmm, salty,” Liam said appreciatively before slowly releasing me and stepping back.

Hesitant to see Jackson’s reaction, I peeked through my lashes to find his eyes appraising me. He stalked forward, and before I knew what was happening, he leaned in on the opposite side that Liam had and nipped the skin where my neck joined the shoulder, then smoothed over the area with his tongue. Heart racing, I bit my bottom lip, and my eyes fluttered open on a soft moan.

“You’re right,” Jackson said in a very matter-of-fact tone, his expression one I couldn’t quite place. He turned toward the front of the boat. “Perhaps that’s enough risk-taking for one day. And we should probably start heading back toward the marina.”

With my legs feeling shaky, and not from the rocking of the boat, I returned to the seat on the deck and tried to take some calming breaths. Did I just imagine that?

A few hours later, Liam and I returned to his penthouse. Tired from spending most of the day in the sun, we relaxed in front of the TV for a while and then opted for a simple dinner of homemade paninis and salad. I sat next to him on the barstool at the kitchen island while we ate. Liam had been surprisingly quiet throughout my stay; the idea that he could be around me without flirting or even talking would have surprised me in the past, but now it seemed natural.

“Did you enjoy sailing?” Liam questioned, glancing over at me between bites.

“I did. We couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful day, and honestly, I was really impressed by you and Jax.”

Liam chuckled. “That comes from years of sailing together.”

“No,” I smiled, “it’s more than that. You were just so . . . in sync.”

“And that surprises you?”

“Yes. No.” I shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Well, which is it?” Liam asked, barely holding in his grin.

“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, but your personalities are so different, I forget that you kind of grew up together.”

“That’s understandable. Most people tend to overlook our bond, but the truth is, our lives have been shaped by many parallel events. All the guys are important to me, but Jax . . . he gets me in a way that some of the others don’t.”

We ate in silence for a few minutes before Liam glanced over at me between bites. “Haley, is there anything you want to talk to me about?”

I was taken aback by his hesitant demeanor and the question; it felt a lot like the few times my dad would ask me an almost identical question and have a particular transgression of mine in mind. Did Jax tell him I know about the pact? Did he find out about my kiss with Chase? Did he find the Batphone, as Jess called it? I silently panicked over the possibilities.

“Do you have something specific in mind?” I asked calmly, realizing that my secrets were adding up, and I didn’t like it.

“Well, you haven’t mentioned your dad in a while, and I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

I relaxed, relieved for a relatively easy question to answer. “I miss him, of course, but I just want him to be safe.”

“I’m happy to listen anytime you want to talk. And you know I’d do anything for you, any of us would.”

“Thanks, Liam. I know. For now, I’m trying to be patient and hope it will all work out. Out of curiosity, what made you think to ask about him now?”

“With meeting Jessica and the new DuBois development, it made me realize that we never talk about your dad or your life before the fire. I forget how sheltered you were, and how isolated your life must have been, because you’ve adapted remarkably well.”

“I’m not so sure about that, but you guys have helped make the transition easier.”

“I won’t speak for the others, but I certainly understand what it’s like to be forced to leave a life you know and to have your entire world thrown upside down.”

“I know,” I said softly, “and I wish you didn’t. I only moved within the state, not across an ocean. I can’t even imagine.”

“It was a dark time in my life. Jackson and Uncle tried to help me through it, but I had a lot of anger. I often wonder how, or why, they put up with me, especially considering we were strangers when I arrived.”

“Why were you sent to live with Patrick instead of family?”

“My father was an only child and his parents passed away before I was born, and the remaining members of my mum’s family were elderly. My father saw Patrick as the closest thing he had to a brother, and my parents decided to name Patrick as our legal guardian should something happen to them.”

“Our?” I asked, wondering if Liam had a sibling I never knew of.

Liam twirled his signet ring, and I could tell he was struggling. “A little sister named Olivia. She was murdered along with my parents.”

I gasped softly, covering my mouth with my hand. “I’m so sorry, Liam.”

Liam stared straight ahead and his eyes glazed as if he was reliving the memory. “One day, I came home from school to find police swarming our home. They refused my access to the house and brought me tea on the patio; a detective explained that my mother, father, and sister had all been murdered. They asked questions but explained that it looked like a robbery gone awry. Olivia was an innocent seven-year-old. I still wonder how he could take away her life,” Liam said, anger and sadness tingeing every word.

I rubbed my hand in slow circles on his back, wishing that I could comfort him in some way. Coming home and finding his entire family wiped out in the blink of an eye was unthinkable. I remained quiet a moment longer, trying to let him collect himself.

“So they caught the man responsible?”

“Yes, the bastard is in jail and will be for a long time.”

I stood behind Liam’s barstool and wrapped my arms around him, suddenly feeling the need to reassure not just him but myself as well.

“Thank you,” he whispered, folding his hand around my forearm as I continued to hold him, my cheek against his back. I knew that all the guys had tragedy in their pasts, but knowing that Liam’s family was also murdered made me feel closer to him.

I released him and sat on my barstool once more. “Does knowing he’s in jail make the pain any better?”

“Not really,” he said morosely. “But at least I know he won’t hurt anyone else, and I feel like there’s some justice, even if it falls infinitely short.”

“I would love to see DuBois behind bars. But you’re right, it wouldn’t ever make up for murdering my mom, my dad’s partner, and the countless other victims I’m sure he’s racked up over the years.”

After clearing the dishes, Liam seemed more contemplative than normal, and I wondered if he was fixating on our earlier conversation. “What would you like to do next?” he asked. “Personally, I suggest we go for a dip in the pool.”

“A swim sounds nice. Think we’ll be all alone?” I said playfully, hoping to cheer him up.

“If I say yes, are swimsuits optional?” he asked, finally perking up after our serious conversation.

I slapped him on the bicep. “Liam Carlyle, you are an incorrigible knave.”

“An incorrigible knave?” he repeated with a laugh. “Been brushing up on your Shakespearean insults, my fair maiden?”

“Don’t make me call you something worse,” I threatened.

“World’s sexist man? Handsome devil? Sex god?” he rattled off to my stone-faced silence. “I’m sure you’ll come around,” he said with cocky assurance. “I’ll grab a couple towels and meet you out here in five.”

Still wearing my swimsuit from our earlier sailing excursion, I made a quick stop to the bathroom. I pinned my braid up into a high bun and dabbed lip gloss on my lips. Glancing at my reflection once more, I rolled my eyes at myself. Haley, what are you doing? You’re going swimming for crying out loud.

The city lights and sounds filtered up to us on the empty rooftop, and I removed my clothing before slipping into the pool. The water was cool but pleasant, and the lights within the pool illuminated the area. Liam joined me moments later after switching on some music and setting our towels on the lounge chair with my clothes.

My head and shoulders were the only things above water, and I paddled around with my hands to warm up. While Liam’s back was turned to me, I watched him strip off his polo shirt, staring at his muscles as they moved with the light effort. He strode toward the pool and descended the steps before dipping underwater briefly only to resurface and smooth his dark hair back. As he approached, I grinned, delighted by his usual boyish charm, which seemed enhanced by the more prominent freckles dappling the bridge of his nose and cheeks after a day in the sun.

“What?” Liam asked, coming to stand in front of me.

I leaned back, resting against the pool wall and cushioning myself with my hands. “Nothing.” I shook my head, still grinning.

“Mhmm,” he said skeptically.

“It’s just, every time I think I’ve seen all sides of you or have you figured out, you surprise me.”

“Do tell.”

“May I be completely honest?”

“If you must,” he responded with a cheeky grin.

“You used to make me really uncomfortable, and the thought of staying at your place probably would have made me break out in hives.”

Liam choked out a laugh. “Gee, thanks, gorgeous.”

I held up a hand. “But, I’ve enjoyed staying with you and have felt amazingly relaxed. You haven’t even commented on my swimsuit, which is a significant improvement.” I paused before saying more sincerely, “I mean it. Thank you for a lovely stay.”

“I’m glad to hear it. You know you’re welcome anytime, for as long as you like. And as to the swimsuit, I didn’t get a chance to admire it since you were already in the pool by the time I walked over.”

“Trust me, you’re going to hate it—it’s not a bikini,” I joked, knowing that the navy-and-white striped one piece was far too modest for his taste despite the scoop neckline and low back that revealed a large expanse of skin.

“Well, at least let me be the judge of that.” He smirked. “Now come here,” he said, reaching out with his arm to grab my wrist.

He pulled me closer, the water swirling about my body and my stomach churning in anticipation. I was teasing about the bikini, since it was a running joke between us, but now I was feeling self-conscious about Liam openly assessing my figure. Perhaps sensing my hesitation, Liam didn’t give me a chance to escape and placed one hand on my lower back to hold me in place. My hands automatically wrapped around him, resting at his waist.

“Mmm, I like it already,” he said as he caressed my bare skin. He looked me in the eyes, forcing me to hold his gaze while he maintained eye contact. I expected him to break it and look down, but he didn’t, keeping his eyes locked on mine as one hand stayed at my lower back and the other traveled up toward my neck.

Liam played with the lines of the spaghetti straps on my back and shoulders, delicately running the tips of his fingers over my increasingly sensitive skin. I knew I should move away, should put some distance between us, but even if I could have, I didn’t want to. He continued slowly moving his hands along my straps and back, and I could feel my heart pounding in response.

Unable to resist any longer, I brushed my fingers along his sides and back, exploring his torso. He was lean and muscular, and I loved the way my fingers glided over his skin beneath the water. The relaxing atmosphere and his touch were causing my thoughts to go hazy, making me forget where I was and what I was doing.

He leaned into me, and I closed my eyes without thinking, accepting that this moment was inevitable. Liam’s lips met mine, kissing me slowly, almost tentatively. When I responded, it felt natural, and our bodies gravitated toward each other, closing what little space was left and fusing our chests together. I draped my arms around his neck, and when he tilted his head, my lips parted and our tongues tangled.

I sighed, and he deepened the kiss, groaning and kissing me with an intensity that left me breathless. I couldn’t get enough of him or get close enough to him, and my hands acted with a mind of their own, tracing his neck, his collarbone, his hairline. Sensing the same desire within him, his hands roaming along my exposed skin, I didn’t even hesitate to wrap my legs around his waist as he pushed me harder against the pool wall. I felt blissfully wanton, eagerly indulging in every brush of his body against mine.

When we finally broke the kiss, I was breathing heavily and Liam was staring at me, his eyes hooded, as he reached a hand up to caress the side of my face. After such a scorching kiss, he placed a tender one on my, now quite swollen, lips. What? How? My mind struggled to make sense of what just happened, but I was in a daze.

“Gorgeous,” he whispered after several long moments, “please say something.”

“Wow,” I exhaled.

“I know,” Liam said, leaning his forehead against mine and hugging me closer. How can he be so composed after that earth-shattering kiss?

I nestled my cheek on his shoulder, trying to catch my breath and steady my thoughts. I could hear his heart pounding in rhythm with my own and felt comforted by the thought that maybe he wasn’t as calm as he appeared. Untangling my legs from his waist, I nearly submerged myself despite the relatively shallow depth; my legs felt wobbly even with the added buoyancy of the water.

We exited the pool hand in hand, the chilly night air a shock after the warmth of the pool and the steamy kiss. Liam draped a big, fluffy towel around my shoulders, holding it open while he perused me from head to toe.

“Bloody fantastic,” he muttered, pulling me toward him and kissing me passionately once more. It only lasted a couple of seconds but still made my toes curl.

He dried himself off and then led me by the hand back to his condo. Both of us were silent as we walked into the penthouse, and by the time we reached the door to the guest room, I still hadn’t spoken and was anxiously awaiting Liam’s next move. I could tell he wanted to kiss me again. Hell, I want to kiss him again, I thought, then pushed the idea from my mind.

“Sweet dreams, gorgeous,” he said, placing a chaste kiss on my cheek before disappearing down the hallway to his own bedroom.

I closed the door and slumped to the floor against it. How could I let that happen?

I groaned inwardly, chastising myself for making a complicated situation even worse. Not only did Chase kiss me, and want to date me openly, Liam had kissed me as well. And what a kiss it was. I couldn’t help but think of it again as heat flooded my body; I had been completely swept away by the moment. Did I really wrap my legs around his waist? And what about the, uh, incident with Liam and Jax on the boat? I covered my face in my hands.

Jackson had warned me to be careful, as had Jess. I knew they were both right, but choosing one of the guys seemed damn near impossible, especially after tonight. And, undoubtedly, the longer I delayed, the more difficult it would become. I wanted to scream in frustration and curse what felt increasingly like an “all or nothing” situation. Since “all” was off the table, I realized with a sinking heart that I would likely be forced to choose none, and I hated that idea just as much or more.

I swiped on my phone, hoping to distract myself, and was surprised to discover several new messages.

Jackson: Penny misses you. She’s been moping around all day.

The next message was a picture of Penny’s snout down with her head on her paws as she lay on the floor. Awww.

Chase: Hope you’re having a good day!

I cringed, thinking about how Chase had been texting me more lately with sweet messages. Ugh, I’m a terrible person.

Fortunately, this was the last night I was staying at Liam’s, and tomorrow I would go home to the loft. I was already unsure about what to do with Chase and this new twist was only adding to my confusion. Jess is right. My life is more tumultuous than her favorite TV dramas.