Chapter 17 – New Beginnings, Old Endings

As much as I hadn’t wanted to do, my last few days in Melbourne were spent mourning. Matt had come back in after my chat with Alex to find me still and withdrawn. I had not reacted how I’d expected, I honestly thought I would have been ok with moving on, but deep down my heart was aching. I longed for our closeness, for our connection. I desperately wanted to hear his voice or read his flirty text messages, but they didn’t come. It was over. Matt had tried to convince me to call him and talk to him but I explained that it was easier this way. I knew he had probably jumped the next flight to New York the minute he set foot outside my door. I wasn’t going to toy with his emotions any more than I already had.

“Lexi, how the hell are you going to work with Alex now?” Matt tried to help me sort through my mess of thoughts.

“I’ll do what I always do - push through it. My job is the one thing that I know I am good at. I’ve worked too hard to let my own stupidity to ruin this amazing chance. I will find a way to work through this, to see Alex, to do my job and for it not to hurt.” The last bit I wasn’t so sure of but I would work on it.

Matt and I had spent every last minute together, as if trying to absorb each other before my extended absence. I had completely opened up to Matt and while he knew how I’d fallen for Alex, he didn’t understand why I gave him up but he supported my decision. I craved Alex’s touch so much and having Matt there softened the blow. He had driven me to the airport the day I left and we shared a teary goodbye. I was going to miss him.

Arrivals on Flight VX406 please proceed to baggage claim at carousel 10 in Terminal 4. Please do not leave your luggage unattended at any time. Thank you and welcome to Kennedy Airport.

A loud, brash American voice boomed from a speaker above my head. My flight had been extremely pleasant but uneventful. Chris had organised first class tickets and even though I had flown first class before, it never got old. I still loved the little perks, the extra room and the extra attentiveness of the flight crew.

I strolled over to baggage claim and collected my suitcases. I had slept on the plane so I wasn’t tired, but I still couldn’t help yawning.

I was overly hot; dressed in jeans, a long sleeve cotton top and woollen pea coat, but I knew winter in New York was chilly so thought it best to dress preparedly. I passed through immigration and customs quickly and walked out to the arrivals area.

I was surprised to be welcomed by Hannah’s smiling face. She looked amazing, as always. Her face beamed as she waved excitedly in my direction. She was flanked by two burly gentlemen who wore sunglasses, large coats and were chewing gum furiously.

“Lexi!” she squealed.

“Hey Han!” I waved back, struggling with my suitcases.

One of the two big, burly gentlemen walked over to me. “We will take these for you Ma’am.”

“Thank you,” I responded just before I embraced Hannah in a big hug.

“How was the flight?” she asked.

“Flight was great but happy to finally be here.”

Hannah introduced me to her two “friends”. The larger of the two and the one who helped me with my bags was named DarNell and the other was Bear (I was fairly sure that wasn’t his real name but I wasn’t about to argue).

As we walked out the double glass doors we were met by a piercing, icy wind. It was December and there was already a light dusting of snow on the ground. I was thankful for my foresight as I snuggled into my pea coat, the chill soaking into my bones. Brrrrrr I was going to have to get used to this. The cold didn’t seem to bother Hannah at all as she continued to chat excitedly. Bear grabbed his mobile phone and dialled, telling the recipient of the call to “Bring the car around” he then hung up. Huh, a man of few words I take it.

A big black Suburban pulled up to greet us, DarNell and Bear loaded my bags into the back as Hannah and I clambered inside the car. “We’ll drop you off at your apartment first and then if you aren’t too tired we can go back to my place. James and the boys are excited to see you!” she chattered. I fastened my seat belt and took a deep breath. I knew I would have to face Alex sooner or later, it was probably best to get it over with.

“Sure, we can do that. I’m not tired.” I mumbled as my stomach knotted. DarNell climbed into the front passenger seat next to the equally large driver and Bear climbed into the seats behind us. All three men sat silent, looking forward apparently uninterested in our conversation.

“So, how is everyone? How’s Mike doing?” I asked.

“He’s doing great Lexi. He’s up and walking around. It’s still a long way off till he’s 100 per cent but he’s healing really quickly. The doctors are pleased.” She sighed. “The guys are all fine. Dan is, well...Dan. He went down to Cabo with some mystery blonde last week and ended up with a new tattoo that he doesn’t remember getting. Troy isn’t letting him live it down, making him paranoid that maybe he got something else while down there as well,” she giggled. “Troy and Jason have been having their own adventures. They went out one night in Troy’s VW Baha Beetle and ended up in Pennsylvania. Jase met some girl while he was there and is now kind of sweet on her so they have been talking on Skype and she sometimes flies up on weekends. Troy has been doing some work with the local high school’s marching band too, which is really cute. The cheerleaders have been all over him!” She smiled broadly as I nodded enthusiastically, willing her to continue. “James and I have been doing some redecorating” she whispered softly as she rubbed her belly.

“What?” I screamed, startling poor DarNell who turned around suddenly. Hannah’s face beamed as she continued in her hushed voice.

“It’s early days yet, we found out last week. We haven’t even told our families. By my calculations it was that night you and I got smashed on Tequila! Ha, can you believe it? I just had to tell someone. We are so excited!”

“Oh my God Hannah, that’s fantastic. I am so happy for you both. You are going to make wonderful parents,” I whispered back. Obviously she trusted these men implicitly to be having this conversation where it could potentially be heard, but still I felt a little self conscious. I squeezed her hand; I was genuinely excited for her and felt so honoured that she had shared that information with me.

“What about Alex?” I asked trying to sound indifferent.

“Don’t ask!” she muttered. “Bear picked him up from the airport on Monday morning; he refused to tell anyone where he’d gone and has been on a bender since. He’s been out late every night partying and drinking and just generally being a class A jerk. James is a lot more patient with him than I am. I think it’s the hormones,” she mused, her tone trailing off. My heart skipped a beat and I felt like I was going to be sick. He hadn’t told anyone about what had happened, he had (as I had guessed) flown right home after our “talk”. I desperately wanted to see him, to make sure he was ok. To see his beautiful face smiling again but I knew I’d hurt him and he probably hated me. It was too late; I’d made my bed, now I had to lie in it.

“Hmmm well I guess I’ll have my work cut out for me when I start on Monday. Sounds like a PR nightmare!” I tried to keep my voice from wavering.

“Don’t stress Lexi, Chris is all over it. I didn’t mean to bring up work,” she apologized.

For the rest of the drive, I was only half tuned in. Hannah animatedly chatted while I nodded and smiled in the right parts. My mind was tormented with horrible thoughts and my heart felt like it would explode in my chest cavity. I wasn’t sure if it was guilt or worry that consumed me. My head was still spinning when the car finally stopped.

We had pulled up in front of a beautiful apartment building on the Upper East Side, a short walk away from Central Park.

Entering my new apartment for the first time was surreal; I slowly roamed around the rooms and absorbed what was to now be my home. It was amazing, Chris had truly outdone herself and I loved it. My two bedroom, two and a half bath home was decked out with gilded art pieces while still outfitted with modern conveniences (I counted no less than 5 TVs). It was the perfect combination of classic and modern. The living room hosted a large over-sized plush cream sofa that was accented by equally large gold-blush and cream pillows. A small walnut side table along the wall hosted a tall glass vase filled with pristine white Lilies, drawing my eyes to the two double glass doors which opened up to my breath-taking private balcony where I could survey the view. I felt like a Manhattan princess. The Master bedroom was no less spectacular; an obscenely large bed took centre stage. The opulent, quilted bed head was pushed flush against the spectacular diamond patterned wall, while the opposite wall housed a massive gold framed mirror.

“Do you like it?” Hannah asked, breaking the silence which had seemed to last an eternity.

“It is amazing,” was all I could utter, rendered speechless by each new room and discovery.

“Chris will be so pleased, I’ll let her know she can go ahead and sign a long term lease.” Relief was evident in Hannah’s voice. I strolled back into the living room where my suitcases had been placed (no doubt by DarNell or Bear, who had now disappeared back down stairs). I collapsed into the sofa, it’s soft pillows encasing my tired limbs. Hannah’s face smiled as she watched me study my surroundings.

“It’s amazing,” I repeated, slightly overwhelmed with the turn my life had taken.

“I can let you get settled if you like?” Hannah read my need to decompress before switching into work mode. “TJ can swing by in a few hours and pick you up. Let me know if you need ANYTHING!” Hannah explained as she made her way to my front door.

“Thanks Hannah” I breathed as I struggled to my feet so I could say goodbye.

“I’ll see you soon.” I hugged her tightly as she made her exit, “And thanks for meeting me at the airport.”

“No problem Lex, see you in a few hours.” She smiled as she left.

My heart stopped as my phone buzzed, I quickly picked it up to inspect my messages.

Been arrested yet? :-P I have a friend on the force if you need anything. NYPD- New York’s finest – Matt xo

I tried hard to not be disappointed. Alex hadn’t contacted me all week; he wasn’t going to magically start now. I missed our flirtations, his witty sense of humour but most of all, I just missed him.

HA! Not yet but there is still time! Tell me more about this friend, Lexi xx

I missed Matt - he had grown to be my best friend in such a short time. Perhaps that is why I had put off having a roommate for so long, knowing that inevitably the closeness in proximity would lead to another type of closeness, one that I had avoided for so long, especially with a man. I smiled at the message; of all the things I was going to miss about my old apartment, I was going to miss him most of all.

Call Alex. Just talk to him Lex, he will understand. xo

It’s too late for that, this is for the best. I miss you xx

It’s never too late! Call him! Miss you too Lexi, place isn’t the same without you xo

I put down my phone on the coffee table. It was too late. What I had said to Alex the last time we spoke had clearly cut him deeply. He had tried to be patient with me, whittling away at my emotional wall. But in the end, the thought of a relationship scared me too greatly and I did the only thing I knew how to do to escape it. I knew by telling him I had no feelings for him that he would run, especially after pouring out his heart and telling me how much he wanted to be with me. His honour was too great; he had too much pride to stay where he wasn’t wanted. I knew that by causing him a little pain now that I would save us both a lot of pain later. It hurt me too; I missed his touch, his scent, his body... his smile. Ughhhhh I need to move on! It’s over!

I dragged my suitcases into my bedroom and pushed them into my large walk-in wardrobe without unpacking them (seriously, real estate like this, in this location, must be costing a small fortune) and curled up on my new bed. I wasn’t tired, just a little emotionally drained. I sighed as I waited for sleep to come, my mind refusing to shut down. I closed my eyes hoping my mind would take my body’s cue when I was startled by my unfamiliar doorbell. I sat up. It was too early to be the driver to go to Hannah’s and he would have buzzed first. Could it be Alex? Did he want to see me? I leapt from my bed and raced to my front door. I paused to regain composure as I swung it open.

“Hi! I’m Taylah, I live in 7B next door... You just move in?” The tall, sassy, attractive brunette questioned while she strained to peer inside my door. She had dark brown eyes, with perfectly manicured brows; her porcelain skin accentuated her dark features. Her hair was styled into thick chunks, which were layered and straight. Her lean frame, pressed against the doorway with her slender, artful fingers curled around an art deco pendant that hung from her long angular neck.

“I’m Lexi, yeah... Just got here today,” I answered coolly, deliberately keeping the door and my body positioned so she couldn’t gain too much of a view.

“Oooo you’re Australian,” she squealed. “We’ve never had one of those!” Her big brown eyes glistened with excitement.

“Dave, get out here... we got an Aussie living next door” she called out to the hallway, her broad New York accent raising an octave. Great, I sighed, only I would move into an apartment where my neighbours were swingers! Matt was going to have a field day with that little gem!

“Taylah, as much as I would love to socialize right now, I need to unpack. Maybe, we can catch up later?” I volunteered not wanting to be rude but equally not entertaining the notion of a threesome with Taylah and Dave.

Before I was able to close my door, Dave stepped out in front of me. He was tall and grungy looking, kind of what you’d expect from a 90’s rocker. He had shoulder length shaggy brown hair with a neat beard and goatee. His arms were covered with large ornate tattoos. His tight black t-shirt and jeans did little to disguise his athletic frame. He was attractive in a dirty, bad boy sort of way but clearly this was of little consequence to him as he flicked his long fringe out of his dark eyes.

“I’m Dave.” He offered his hand, his accent smooth, relaxed and very different from Taylah.

“Lexi,” I replied as I accepted his handshake.

“So Lexi, what brings you to New York?” Taylah mused, interpreting my pause as an invitation for further conversation. I might as well get this over with; my swinger neighbours obviously weren’t going to take the hint. I removed my extended arm from the door jamb and gestured for them to come in. Taylah wandered over to the sofa and made herself at home, Dave nestling closely beside her as I settled on the armchair opposite them. I spied matching wedding bands, which further puzzled me about their relationship.

“I’m here on business,” I stated. “I work in Public Relations and I’ve accepted a job here.”

“Oh, PR!” Taylah exclaimed. “How exciting, guess I can come to you for some juicy gossip! Representing anyone we would know?” she inquired, batting her long eyelashes.

“A band,” I retorted offering as little information as possible. I watched as both Taylah and Dave’s eyes widened with excitement. I began to think this was a really bad idea. Damn it Lexi, you should have just shut the door.

“Really?” asked Dave, “Which one?” his voice was no more excited than it had been when he greeted me.

“Power Station,” I stated. Seriously was this a welcoming committee or an inquiry?

Taylah grinned broadly. “Oh you work for James and Alex! Well there you go, small world.”

“Oh, you know them?” I questioned, relaxing slightly.

“Yeah, I’ve done some work with them, great guys,” Dave answered.

“You’re a musician?” I quizzed, he didn’t look familiar, and surely if he’d worked with the band I would have seen him. His face, while strangely alluring, offered no hints of recognition.

“Mainly as a session muso these days. I gave up on the road awhile ago. Didn’t enjoy the life. I co-write and produce a lot too. More creativity and a lot less grief,” he qualified. Taylah nodded in agreement.

“So what do you think of your apartment?” Taylah asked as she glanced over the room’s interior. Huh? What an odd question. Where was this going? Obviously my mental acrobatics had translated to a puzzled look crossing my face as Dave let out a small laugh.

“Taylah is an interior designer. She fitted this place out. Most of the building for that matter, she’s extremely talented.” He turned to look at his wife adoringly.

“Dave, I wanted an honest unbiased opinion,” she chastised him, though I gathered she was not as annoyed as she was making out. “So what do you think?” She asked again.

“This place is amazing,” I answered with no hesitation. “It’s classy yet modern and I love it. You did an awesome job.” I wasn’t lying, the place was amazing. It was completely different to my old Melbourne apartment but I loved it, it was decadent while still feeling inviting and homey.

“Told Ya!” Dave piped in. “Extremely talented.” He gave Taylah a big squeeze.

“Glad you like it” she responded while trying to brush off her husband’s PDA. “It was fun having a big budget, made me curious about who they were moving in here.” Her eyes twinkled with mischief.

“Well on that note ladies, I’m going to have to love you and leave you.” Dave stood up and gave his wife a rather passionate kiss, that she tried to staunch “See ya babe.” He let out a throaty laugh before turning to me. “Nice meeting you Lexi, say hi to the guys for me!” He offered his hand before heading out the door.

“He’s adorable but way too over the top” she breathed, “Guess that’s what you get when you marry an artist.” She smiled. I smiled back; maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad. I changed direction and decided to garner some further information from my quirky neighbour.

“So Taylah, you lived here long? What’s the building like?” I asked relaxing into my chair. Her eyes lit up as if given permission to finally divulge all her secrets. She told me about the other occupants on our floor, what they did and who their significant others were. She giggled as she informed me of various factions that existed within the building and who was currently in a social media war with whom. She told me how she’d met Dave in California (where he was originally from) while decorating his sister’s house, and how she’d convinced him to move to New York. I found out she was also an avid blogger who had a wacky, yet very gifted sense of humour.

Dave returned with a couple of chilled bottles of white wine about an hour later, after Taylah had sent him a bossy text. He settled them on the bench and dutifully left as I poured two glasses. I fired up my Mac Book and we laughed as we cyber stalked our neighbours. She directed me to her blog, which I read as she glanced over my shoulder. I found her social commentary hilarious yet compelling. It was backed up with witty anecdotes while still being extremely intelligent and well written. Dave was right, his wife was talented.

We had just polished off the second bottle and were still laughing at her conversation piece of various celebrities’ touchstones for sanity when my door buzzer demanded attention. “Hello” I asked curiously, the wine giving me a slight buzz.

“Hi Ma’am, it’s TJ. Hannah sent me” the speaker responded. I had completely lost track of time.

“I’ll be down in a couple of minutes,” I responded before flying into panic mode.

“Sorry Taylah, I have to go. Thanks for the wine and the laughs. I’m sure we’ll chat later.”

“See ya later Lexi,” she giggled as she ambled out my door.

I ran into my bathroom and freshened up, reapplying a little make-up and some perfume before fussing with my hair. I smoothed it into a simple pony tail - it was the best I was going to be able to do. I switched off the bathroom light and grabbed my phone, keys and handbag. I closed my apartment door firmly as I slid on my coat and walked down the stairs to the lobby where TJ was waiting.

“Sorry” I apologized, “I lost track of time.”

“No problem Ma’am, the car is right around the back” he responded.

“Please call me Lexi, TJ. Ma’am makes me sound like an old lady or a madam of a brothel, of which I’m neither.” I laughed, the wine tingling through my body.

“I’m sorry ma- I mean Lexi. Habit, I guess.” He smiled, slightly amused by my analogy.

The drive was quiet and peaceful, TJ hummed along to the radio which, combined with the thick, dark windows of the car, served to block out most of the city’s craziness. The sun had already set and the air had cooled further. I made a mental note that I was going to need a heavier coat if I was going to survive a North American winter. I watched as snow flurries blew around the car. In the darkness it seemed like they were toying with the glare of the headlights, the low hum of the engine easing my anxious mind into a steady, tranquil state.

I pressed my head against the window as I watched the street lights zoom by, I thought about seeing Alex and wondered if he hated me. A small knot returned to my stomach as we drove up the long tapered driveway which led to a French provincial styled mansion. Masses of long, rectangular windows lined the tall light grey brick walls, topped with a dark shingled roof. It’s not at all what I pictured James and Hannah’s house to look like; it seemed almost too sophisticated, like something they would have to grow into. Perhaps, I smiled, that was the plan.

I was welcomed cheerfully by James at the door who gave me his usual greeting, a large heartfelt hug. Hannah helped me out of my coat before giving me her own warm welcoming hug. They really were such wonderful people, it was endearing to watch. As Hannah released me, she led me into the house, James following close behind.

“Congratulations,” I whispered to James, the smile widening across my face.

“Huh?” He looked at me puzzled and then eyed his wife curiously.

“I figured she was partly responsible for little jelly bean’s existence,” she smiled as she patted her stomach gently. “I didn’t think you’d mind.” James protectively embraced her waist, his hands resting on her flat belly.

“I don’t mind at all, Sweetheart,” he crooned. “However, my recollection of that night is a little different. I think I’d like to claim responsibility for little jelly bean.” His mega-watt grin incited a fevered blush to creep up Hannah’s face. I couldn’t help but laugh at the adorable exchange. James winked at me as Hannah gently slapped him across the chest.

“We’re shooting some pool in the games room, you play?” Asked James, a playful grin still lurking on his lips.

“I haven’t in awhile but sure, I’ll play” I mused, the cogs in my mind ticking wildly.

I knew how to play pool; I had spent almost an entire summer while we were in high school at Emma’s house. We had had notions of honing our craft so that we could hustle for money. It never happened. I still remember the smell of the wood from her dad’s antique Billiard table, with its pristine green felt and leather trimmed pockets. We’d taught ourselves to make even the most difficult shots under his expert watchful eye.

The three of us walked into the games room, where a game was currently in session. Troy and Jason were trash talking each other as they alternated shots, laughing and slowly sipping beers.

“Hiya, Sexy,” winked Dan as I entered, taking a long deliberate drink from his beer.

“Dan, are you high?” I cautioned as I gave him a hug.

“I don’t have to be high to appreciate a beautiful woman.” He smiled, his hand slipping dangerously low down my back.

“Seeing as you make your living with that hand, you might want to remove it from my ass before I break it.” I smiled, he may not be high but clearly he’d had a “few” beers.

“Geez Lexi, such a buzz kill!” he squirmed. Troy and Jason looked on, highly amused by our little exchange.

“Hey Jase!” I greeted as he swooped me up into a big bear hug, twirling me around before setting me down.

“Hey Lex, hope you brought some game cause I’m wiping the floor with these losers” he giggled gesturing to Troy and Dan.

“Hey Lexi.” Troy came up behind me, putting his arms around my shoulders. “Jase here thinks because he’s won two games he’s some kind of pool shark.” Troy’s hazel eyes gleamed with amusement.

“Dude! I could totally beat those guys. Did you see that last shot off the pocket?” Jason argued, convinced he stood a chance against a professional player. My heart sank as I looked around the room and noticed a crucial absence. Alex wasn’t here.

“Where’s Alex?” I asked trying to keep my voice flippant and level.

“He’s off with some broad, he’ll be here later,” yawned Dan the topic of conversation clearly boring him.

“So Lexi, what you say? You playin’?” baited Jason.

“Sure, rack ‘em up.” I forced a smile as I tried to suppress my disappointment.

“You break Lex, you like bustin’ balls.” Troy smiled as he handed me a pool cue causing Jason, James, Dan and Hannah to erupt into laughter.

“Thank you, don’t mind if I do. If it’s one thing I know how to handle it’s balls.” I winked, not the slightest bit embarrassed by Troy’s playful comment.

I leaned over the table and took a shot, my cue cracked against the white ball, sending the others scattering all over the table, one flying directly into a pocket. “Oh look. I got one in!” I smiled innocently as I lined up my next shot. I leaned over the table again.

“Baby Doll, you’re aiming for the wrong ball, you’re stripes,” crooned Troy as he learned over my arm trying to correct my aim.

“Oh, really?... thanks” I smiled. CRACK The cue ball bounced off the cushion, colliding with two balls forcing them both into the far right corner pocket. Troy followed me around the table as I took another shot and sunk yet another ball.

“Anyone get the feeling we’re getting hustled?” laughed Dan as I successfully pocketed my fifth ball.

“Beginner’s luck I guess.” I giggled as I expertly stretched across the felt, sending yet another ball flying into a pocket.

“Damn, we just got played!” laughed Troy as he watched me make yet another complicated shot, hitting the cue ball dead on so that it curved around his ball and made contact with mine, narrowly missing the pocket.

“Oooooh tough shot,” winced Jason.

I felt the air vibrate around him as he walked in, sensing his presence before I saw him. The hair on my neck was standing on end, goosebumps covered my skin. I allowed my eyes to meet his gaze, he was breathtakingly perfect. He was simply dressed in a pair of fabulous faded blue jeans which hugged his amazing body lovingly, a grey v-neck tee which hinted at his finely cut chest, his trade-mark dog tags barely visible underneath and an old leather jacket. With his hair slicked back as usual, he looked delectable. It was as if every fibre of my being had been awoken. His astonishingly clear eyes settling on me before he opened his incredible mouth.

“Hello Lexi.” His voice caressed my name as it spilled from his lips.

I struggled with a reply, trying not to stare. “Hello Alex.” I nodded, acknowledging his presence but not moving from my place, leaned up against the pool table clutching the pool cue tightly in my hand. I felt my heart rate kick up as he sauntered closer to me; his fingers grazing over the felt cushions was strangely erotic and unnerving.

“What are we playing?” he asked, almost as if his words reflected a double meaning that only I would understand, his eyebrow cocked as he stared directly into my eyes.

“We’re getting played by Lexi” Troy quipped, not giving me an opportunity to speak.

“Really?” mused Alex, his smile not meeting his eyes. “Surely not.” He spat the words out more as a statement rather than a question as he moved closer to me.

“People have a habit of underestimating me.” I spat back, “I don’t play games that I can’t predict an outcome to.” I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable at his close proximity. His eyes turned cold as his smile faded, the tension was palpable.

“Hey Alex, you want a beer?” Hannah asked as she glanced between us, trying to ease the hostility.

“I would love a beer Han,” he responded, keeping his eyes locked on mine.

“Lexi, want to come with me and grab some drinks?” Hannah added, her eyes widening as she nervously gestured to the door.

“Sure.” I answered as I followed her out of the room.

We’d just made it outside the door when Hannah grabbed my arm “What was that all about? I know you aren’t the best of friends but that was freaking weird. What is up with you two?” she whispered as she led me down the hall to the kitchen.

“He’s an ass. What can I say? I have a zero tolerance for bullshit, especially his. He’s so fucking annoying,” I retorted, trying to keep the edge from my voice.

“Just try and get to know him Lexi, I know he can be impossible but he really does have a great heart. I’ve known him a really long time and he’s James’ best friend. Underneath all the attitude and arrogance he’s a good guy.” She smiled gently, rubbing my arm.

“I’ll try,” I sighed and smiled back not wanting to hurt Hannah’s feelings by revealing that any chance of Alex and I being friends was well and truly in the past.

My pledge to “try” seemed to appease Hannah as she smiled, turning her attention to grabbing a six pack from the fridge as my thoughts rattled around in my mind restlessly. Could Alex and I really ever be friends? It seemed that we both had a problem with our impulse control when we were around each other. Pushing aside our magnetic physical attraction, I knew my feelings had grown beyond that of a casual dalliance and yet I couldn’t give him what he wanted. He hated me; I saw it in his eyes. No, we would not be friends, not now.

We walked back into the room; James embraced his wife and gave her a peck on the cheek before reaching for the six pack. “Want one?” he asked as he handed me a beer.

“No thanks, I don’t drink beer,” I responded before settling down on one of the leather couches that encircled the table. A new game was in progress and Dan and Troy were playing.

“Sorry Lex, figured after that ass whoppin’ you gave me we were done,” Troy apologized. I got the feeling he felt bad that they had moved on without allowing our game to properly end.

“It’s fine.” I winked, “You can get a rematch later if you like.” I was not the slightest bit interested in finishing the game.

“You’re on!” Troy smiled, seeming to relax at my response.

Hannah had decided to order pizza so had disappeared back into the kitchen while James engaged Alex in a deep conversation over the other side of the room. I couldn’t hear what was being said but both men wore serious faces and Alex nodded a couple of times before looking over at me. I quickly averted my eyes so he wouldn’t catch me watching their intimate exchange. James reached up and patted Alex gently on the back before turning his attention back to the game. Alex’s mouth was drawn into a tight line as he walked over to where I was sitting. I struggled to keep my breathing level as he sat down beside me. I refused to make eye contact, instead allowing my attention to be absorbed in the comical game in front of me.

“Dude, you need to have a foot on the floor at all times” argued Troy as Dan sprawled himself animatedly across the table.

“Who made up that fucking rule? As long as I get it in who cares how I do it?” Dan argued back as he lined up the cue ball.

“Funny, that’s what I told your sister last night.” Troy laughed as he watched Dan miss his shot. I couldn’t help but laugh as Dan sulked, having no come back.

Alex shifted closer to me on the couch, his knee brushed against mine sending a charge of electricity up my leg. I shifted away slightly, uncomfortable with his proximity. I felt him watching me, studying my every move and expression. I wanted to resist glancing into those eyes, I knew they would be my undoing but my willpower just wasn’t strong enough. I turned my head slightly and met his gaze, the anger had dissipated yet the hurt remained. He leaned forward so that his mouth rested just above my ear, his breath sending shivers up my spine as he whispered

“I was rude to you before, I will attempt to not do that that anymore.” His voice was calm and level. Huh? Was that an apology? Or perhaps a truce?

“It’s fine Alex.” I smiled back, not really being fine with any of it, especially being so close to him and not being able to touch him.

“Lexi...” he moved his head even closer as his lips skimmed the top of my ear. Involuntarily I shivered as my body reacted to his touch, the knot in my stomach tightened as I felt a dull ache in my groin. Damn it! Why did he have to be so god damn sexy!? For a second I lost track of where I was and what I was doing, I wanted him! I wanted to throw him down on the couch right now and take him and I didn’t care who was watching. I was quickly brought back to the present by the loud trilling of his phone, I was literally saved by the bell.

He rolled his eyes as he pulled the phone from his front pocket. It’s loud obnoxious ring tone becoming louder as he held it in front of him. I glanced down to the screen and saw the name MARCY blazed across it. Clearly he’d moved on. He watched me intently as my eyes flicked away from the screen back to the game in front of me, his hand hovering over it as he hesitated answering.

“You going to answer that brother?” Jason wandered over to glance down at the illuminated, unrelenting screen. “Marcy, is that the chick from yesterday?” he asked.

“She’s hot” qualified Dan, “And has an amazing rack.” He added animatedly, curving his hands in front of his chest, unable to suppress his beaming smile.

“You should answer it, you wouldn’t want to be rude,” I remarked as I lifted myself from my seat and walked away.

I heard his distant voice mumble a greeting as I walked out of the room and down the hall in search of Hannah. I felt foolish. Why did I care who called him? I had made it clear I wasn’t interested in him, what was he supposed to do? My heart raced and my anger grew as my inner monologue rattled around in my head, “This is why you didn’t want a boyfriend; the jealousy, the drama. This is why you walked away. You can have any one you want. You don’t need him. You don’t need this bullshit. Just go find someone else. Forget him.” Uggghhhhh I bet Marcy was blonde! I found Hannah still in the kitchen on the phone as I pushed all thoughts of Alex and his big-breasted bimbo (he certainly seemed to have a type!) out of my mind.

“Hey Lexi,” greeted Hannah, her smiling face happy to see me. She moved the receiver from her ear and covered the mouth piece. “Mike’s on the phone, he called to see if you’d made it ok.”

“Tell Mike I said Hi.” I smiled, from all reports he was recovering so well, exceeding all expectations. I looked forward to seeing him walking about and putting the accident behind him.

“He wants to say Hi,” Hannah indicated, holding out the receiver for me. I willingly took it, hoping that talking to him would cure my sour mood and get my mind off of Alex.

“Hey, Mike!” I did my best to sound cheery, even though I wasn’t feeling it.

“Hey Lex! So how are you enjoying New York? As soon as I’m all good, I’m going to take you on a tour,” his excited voice burst through the phone.

“I love it here, it’s a beautiful city,” I answered. “Though I’m freezing my ass off already.” We both laughed at my lack of tolerance for the cold weather. We chatted easily as I told him about my trip and about my flashy new apartment. He laughed again when I told him about my new neighbours whom I originally thought were swingers. He told me about his rehab, how he’d moved back in with his folks until he was fully recovered and how his mum was driving him completely insane. He expressed his desire to go back to Melbourne when he was better and actually see it this time; he was going to stay with Jackson whom he spoke to almost every day.

Talking to Mike brought me back to that night on the road, watching his lifeless body lying in front of me. He knew he’d been given a second chance; he was doing his best to embrace it and it warmed my heart to hear of his plans for the future. He seemed at peace, relaxed and very happy and at that moment I envied him. I hoped someday I might find that inner peace too. We said our extended goodbyes and I promised him that I would come visit him soon and I handed the phone back to Hannah who also said goodbye before placing it on its rechargeable base.

“He’s a sweetheart.” I smiled at Hannah.

“He sure is, he reminds me a lot of James at that age,” she agreed.

“You’re very lucky Han. James is obviously head over heels for you and you have been together forever. It’s amazing what you have, really inspiring.” My eyes misted slightly as she thanked me for my kind words. “I might head home, I’m kind of tired.” I yawned, not really wanting to go back and spend more of my evening either agitated or moody.

“No, don’t go yet!” Hannah exclaimed, “Pizza is on its way.” I didn’t want to hurt Hannah’s feelings but I doubted I’d be great company. I made some excuses about struggling with the time zones and being jet lagged and while I could tell she was still disappointed, she agreed I probably should get some rest. I walked back out to the games room to say my goodbyes while Hannah grabbed another round of beers for the guys.

“You’re leaving?” asked Troy as I entered, gathering my coat.

“Yeah, I’m wiped,” I smiled.

“What happened to my rematch?” he pouted.

“We’ll rain check it. I’m sure there will be plenty of opportunities in the future for me to beat the pants off you.” I winked.

“We’ll see about that.” He smiled giving me a hug.

“If you want Troy’s pants off all you have to do is ask, he is always willing to drop them,” scoffed Jason as he took his turn in giving me a farewell hug.

“It gets hot behind the kit, Douche. It’s a comfort thing,” he explained. I loved how comfortable they had become in my presence. Watching them interact, these men I had once idolized, I felt like I had to constantly pinch myself. I tried not to stare as Alex sauntered over and lightly touched my arm.

“Don’t leave,” his eyes pierced mine “I’ve barely got to speak with you.” His lips twisted into a delicious crooked half smile.

“I’m tired Alex. Some other time,” I reasoned, not wanting to seem like I was running away when realistically that’s exactly what I was doing.

“Ok then, let me give you a ride,” he offered, his posture relaxed as he leaned up against the pool table, slipping his hands into his pockets.

“Fine,” I accepted. Once again, it was anything BUT fine with me. What was it with me and him in a car? The confined space? Every cell in my body screamed this was a bad idea, yet there was nothing I could do to stop it. I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to either. I alternated hugs with Dan, Hannah and finally James, who shot Alex a pointed glare before releasing me. I was piecing together that their earlier “conference” had probably been about me and Alex’s admission of being rude had probably been solicited. James really was adorable. I could see why women all over the world worshipped him - apart from being drop dead gorgeous, his kind hearted nature only served to expand his appeal.

Alex led me out to the drive way where his “ride” was parked. My mouth twitched into a wide grin as I gazed over the car that Alex casually opened the door to. No wonder he thought my car was a piece of shit, this car was breathtaking. I ran my fingers along the lines of his silver Maserati Gran Turismo MC Stradale, tracing its sexy yet sleek curves. The car’s obscenely dark windows reflected Alex’s curious yet entertained gaze as I moved to the front of the car, letting my fingers run across its shiny chrome trident logo which was in prime position over the equally shinny yet menacing grill. I’d never really felt an “attraction” to a car before, but this one was playing with my inner chemistry. It was, like Alex, SEX. Mmmmmmmmmmmm

“Are you done molesting my car?” Alex grinned as he continued to hold the door open for me. I hadn’t noticed I’d actually been ogling his car, my appreciation of the sexy allure of the machine translating to my face as I circled the car with lustful eyes. A wicked grin crossed my mouth as I playfully slid my tongue out and carefully yet seductively licked the hood. I watched his smile fade and his eyes darken as I walked back toward the open car door.

“Now I’m done.” I smirked as I slid in to the luxurious seat. He slowly closed the door before walking to the driver’s side of the car and effortlessly slid into his own seat. He turned to watch me as I expertly clasped my five point harness together, his eyes followed down the lines of my body which were now firmly secured before he did the same, the air between us barely breathable. He shook his head as if discounting a thought and pressed the ignition. The roar of the V8 exploded to life as he revved the engine, gripping the large, leather embossed steering wheel. We peeled away from the house as we travelled down the long driveway, before stopping at the main road. He looked at me and smiled as he pressed his foot down hard on the accelerator, the force pushing us both back into our seats. I laughed as I watched him handle the car effortlessly, shifting through the gears seamlessly, his excitement growing to match the rising speedometer. I marvelled at his driving prowess, he drove exceptionally fast yet controlled, at no time did I feel fear. It was exhilarating; my smile felt like it was going to crack my face. I wanted to drive this car.

As the bright lights of Manhattan came into view, he slowed to a more conservative pace. “Would you let me drive your car?” I asked, flashing him a sideways glance.

“No.” He smiled defiantly, not even entertaining the idea. Jerk!

“Not even if I say please?” I smiled sweetly. He glanced over at me as I gave him my best sweet, innocent, butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth smile. He laughed and shook his head.

“The answer is still no Lexi.” I pouted as I interlocked my arms across my chest.

The Maserati protested as we slowed further, easing into traffic. This car was designed for highway not for the stop/start of city driving. I felt a strange affinity with the car as I sighed loudly empathetically. Alex turned to me with a raised eyebrow and questioning gaze. I felt the tension return as we sat in silence.

“Alex, this is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. Can we talk?” I decided I would be the one who made the first move. His clenched jaw loosened a little as he sighed.

“What’s there to talk about Lexi? You made yourself pretty clear the last time we spoke.” I saw darkness return to his eyes as he continued to stare at the road. His body language translated exactly what he was thinking; I’d rejected him the last time and he wasn’t about to give me the chance to do it again.

“Can’t we be friends?” I protested as I searched his amazing ice blue eyes for a hint of endorsement “We have to work together.”

He gripped the steering wheel tighter before turning to me with irritation.

“You aren’t seriously giving me the “let’s be friends” speech are you Lexi? I didn’t peg you as a cliché.” His words were clenched as tightly as his jaw.

“Alex, I don’t want it to be this way.” I snarled, my anger growing exponentially as I watched his eyes narrow. He slammed on the breaks, forcing the car to the curb and into a submissive stop. The inertia sent me careening into the harness which bit into my chest. Car zoomed passed us as we sat on the side of the road, I watched as Alex struggled to bring to heel his rapid breathing, his eyes flaring wildly.

“It’s not always about what YOU want Lexi. You GOT what you wanted when you told me to walk away. That’s the limit of your choice. YOU do not get to decide my reaction. YOU want to be friends? Is that how it works with the rest of your life-size sex toys? Should I be grateful?” He paused, pain in his eyes. “We have to work together so I will be cordial but I think you have severely unrealistic expectations if you are expecting more than that.”

“I told you what it was from the beginning,” I argued, my anger mixing with hurt. “I told you I didn’t want a relationship. You agreed to it. Don’t make it sound like you weren’t a willing participant and I was some evil seductress who prayed on your poor vulnerability. YOU were the one who changed the rules, I never mislead you!” My tone was equally as hostile as his had been as I stared at him, my face inches away from his. He whipped his head around to face the road as cars sped past us. He brought the Maserati to life and roared back onto the road, rejoining the flow of traffic. Alex ducked and weaved through lanes, driving excessively fast before finally arriving at my apartment building and slamming the car into a parking spot in the undercover garage. The smell of the burnt rubber permeated the cabin of the car.

“You’re an asshole!” I shouted over the throaty rumble of the engine.

“And you’re acting like a self-absorbed bitch” he shouted back.

I raised my hand to slap him and he caught it, gripping my wrist tightly. His eyes narrowed as he looked at my hand. He was right, I was a self-absorbed bitch. It’s what I had become; it cemented my rise to the top and ensured that my heart would remain intact. At this point of my life, it was about what I wanted, what I needed. I hated that he had seen through my charade and I hated even more that he was calling me on it.

I struggled to wriggle my hand loose as he unbuckled his harness with his free hand, twisting his body toward mine to push me back further into my seat. His other hand grabbed mine as I tried to wrench myself free. “Is this what YOU want?” I sneered “To hate me? For me to hate you?” His hands relaxed and he released mine, the tension in his face easing slightly.

“I don’t hate you Lexi,” he whispered.

“Then what? What do you want?” I stormed as I fumbled with my own harness, wanting desperately to get out of the car.

“You,” he stated, his hypnotic gaze fixing on mine.

I shook my head in disbelief, was he insane? After everything I’d said? I felt my heart tighten as I stared back into his eyes. “Then you want what you can’t have,” I whispered.

He didn’t try to stop me as I opened the door and walked away. My phone buzzed from my pocket. I stopped in my tracks and I looked over at the car, headlights and ignition running yet still parked. I couldn’t make anything else out from the darkness of the windows. I pulled out the phone to examine the message.

- OK. I’ll Try. Friends? Alex xx

I considered going back to the car, to try and work this out but I figured our emotions were too raw and maybe this was a better way.

- I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I’m sorry. I’ll try too. Friends. Lexi xx

The Maserati roared as he pulled away from the garage, its tail lights disappearing into the darkness till they finally faded. My phone buzzed again.

- I’m sorry too. Alex xx

I gave a long sigh as I re-read it over and over again. I missed him so much; I really hoped we could salvage something. I closed my eyes as I walked into the elevator and pressed the button for my floor. Sleep would not come soon enough for me tonight.