Chapter 21 – The Showdown and the Lowdown

The five hour flight was excruciatingly long; every minute seemed to drag on for an eternity. I had spent the last few moments before the plane’s cabin doors closed texting Chris, Hannah and James, telling them of my return and that I knew of the death of Alex’s father. Chris quickly organised a driver to be at the airport to collect me when I landed. Both Hannah and James were extremely concerned for Alex; he had withdrawn completely, refusing to speak to anyone.

His father’s death had been sudden. Jenson Stone had been a fit 65 year old man with no known medical conditions, so when he was unresponsive and unable to be woken in the early hours of the morning it was a huge shock. He had suffered a massive heart attack and was unable to be revived despite the paramedics’ best efforts. The only consolation had been that his passing had been peaceful, with his wife by his side while he slept. Helnä Stone was distraught, her eldest son Alex refused to leave her side. I re-read James’ message; Alex’s devotion to his mother and family did not surprise me. He was, despite his lifestyle, an honourable man with an extreme sense of loyalty.

Although it was early March on the east coast, the snow was light and the plane landed smoothly on the runway. I relaxed a little - knowing that I was back home, reflecting on how strange it was that this huge city was where I now considered home to be. Melbourne would always have my heart but for now New York was the place I belonged. I leapt out of my seat, much to the chagrin of the flight attendant who had just finished announcing which rows they were exiting first. I guess she didn’t feel brave enough to challenge me further other than rolling her eyes. I ran off the jet bridge and through the arrival gate. Chris stood patiently at the entrance, her face translating how concerned she was.

“Lexi, I have a car waiting. I will brief you on the way.” She ushered me through the crowd toward the doors.

“Chris, what are you doing here? I would have assumed you were sending a driver?” I was now worried about what her personal appearance meant.

“I figured I’d use the time constructively and ride over to the house with you. We are all concerned about Alex. He is refusing to speak with anyone. I’m hoping you might be able to get through to him. He’s asked only for you.”

I swallowed hard as the impact of Chris’ word hit me. Alex was a strong man, I couldn’t imagine him the way Chris was describing him, defeated and overwhelmed.

As we entered the borough of The Bronx, I was taken aback by how beautiful it was out here. Only a couple of miles out from Manhattan but it was like entering another world. It was almost tranquil; I imagined it would be a nice place to raise a family. Alex had spent most of his life in Yonkers, it wasn’t until the band signed their record deal that he relocated to “The City”. We stopped in front of a beautiful double story brick home, an American flag flapped gently in the breeze. The driveway was congested with various cars. I noticed Alex’s Maserati parked in prime position.

Bear was at the door to greet us; he gave Chris a polite nod as we walked past. Chris directed me through to the main living area. The band sat perched on various chairs, their faces serious and solemn.

“Lexi!” James immediately embraced me in his trademark hug.

“Hey, where is he?” I asked, looking around the room.

“He’s up stairs with his mom and brother, Christian” Hannah smiled weakly as she took her turn to hug me, her small bump noticeably rounder now. She looked pale and tired, as did James. I assumed they had been the first ones here. Troy, Dan and Jason all took their turns in greeting me, their sombre expressions resembling James’ and Hannah’s.

“He won’t talk to anyone Lex, he’s been up there for hours.” Troy added, “I’ve never seen him like this.”

“I’m going to go try and talk to him, ok?” I rubbed Troy’s arm, not entirely sure what I was going to say.

“Like Hell you are!” hissed Marcy who emerged from the kitchen.

“Excuse me?” I snapped back as I met her steely gaze.

“You need to go and handle the press so they don’t harass Alex. That is the extent of your job. If anyone is going to be comforting him, it will be ME.” She straightened, placing her hands on her hips. I couldn’t help but laugh, I knew it was an inappropriate response but I was unable to smother the sound escaping my lips.

“Oh Honey, if you think a bimbo with a bad boob job is going to stop me from walking up those stairs and speaking to Alex then you are dumber than I first thought. Let me be clear, your job is to fuck him and he doesn’t seem to require that now, so step aside bitch and try not to embarrass yourself any further.” I was unable to hide my smile as I watched horror fill her eyes.

“You can’t talk to me like that! Don’t you know who I am?” She childishly stamped her feet. “How dare you!” Her body blocked the doorway. I took a step toward her and she flinched slightly.

“I said, STEP ASIDE. I don’t give a fuck who you are. You clearly don’t know who I am if you think ANYTHING is going to stop me right now.” My false smile faded as I narrowed my eyes.

“Marcy, I think you should leave. I’m sure Alex will call you later” Hannah softly volunteered; I could see she was trying to diffuse the situation attempting to play the peacemaker - she hated confrontation. Marcy turned her irritation to Hannah.

“You’re taking HER side?” she seethed, “After you heard the way she spoke to me?”

“I’m not taking anyone’s side Marcy, I just think it should be about what Alex needs right now and I don’t think a fight in his mother’s living room is going to do anyone any good,” Hannah qualified.

“I’d enjoy it,” smiled Jason shooting me a wink. One thing we had in common was our dislike for Marcy. I took another step toward the door, Marcy cowered like I might hit her. I glared at her as I passed, hearing her sob as I walked up the stairs.

A tall, thin younger version of Alex was sitting at the top of the stairs. His hair was slightly longer than Alex’s and he wasn’t as muscular but there was no denying that this was his brother. He brushed his hair out of his beautiful blue eyes and stood.

“Hey, you must be Lexi. I’m Christian.” He held out his hand politely; it amazed me how much he even sounded like Alex.

“Yeah, I’m Lexi. I hope it’s ok me being here?” While I didn’t care what Marcy thought, the last thing I wanted to do was overstep my boundaries with a grieving family.

“Yeah, of course.” A small smile crept over his lips. “Alex has told me a lot about you.” He gestured to a closed door.

“My mom is kinda passed out at the moment; they gave her something to settle her. Alex is in his old room though, I’m sure he’d love to see you.” He took my hand and led me to another room at the end of the hall. The door was shut but he knocked lightly before leaving me and disappearing again.

“Who is it?” Alex’s voice was barely a whisper.

“It’s Lexi,” I whispered back, not exactly sure if he would open the door. I heard footsteps and a slight hesitation before it opened. The light from the hallway permeated the dark room. The curtains were drawn and Alex winced when the brightness hit his eyes.

He looked like hell; his usually clear eyes were blood shot and clouded, his hair tousled and messy, and his face pale. He didn’t speak to me as I entered the room; he closed the door quietly behind me, leaning into it before letting out a long audible breath. Almost instinctively I put my arms around him, hugging him tightly in silence. I had worried about what I was going to say to him but realised that right now there was no need for words, I could say everything I needed to say without opening my mouth. He turned into me, his arms encasing my body, as he sighed slowly. He led me to his bed without releasing me and we lay facing each other. Neither of us spoke, we just held each other for what seemed like an eternity.

Alex was the first to break the silence. “I heard you downstairs,” he whispered. My mind flashed back to my tense showdown with Marcy.

“I’m sorry Alex, you know how I am. My mouth has a mind of its own.” I bit my lip, knowing I needed to learn to filter a little better.

“Yes, I’m familiar with your mouth.” He gave me a weak half grin. “So Marcy’s job is to fuck me? I wonder if she added that to her resume?” I shook my head. Yep, filter, Lexi!

“Alex... I’m sorry....”

“Shhhhh...” he put his finger to my lips. “I broke up with Marcy last night, before all of this. I told her our relationship wasn’t working out for me anymore, but in true Marcy style she has refused to accept it. I guess she thought given the circumstances that I’d need her, relent on my decision.”

What?! My brain went into overload, they’d broken up? “Why?” I blurted out, not meaning to say it aloud. He hugged me tighter.

“Because I was done playing stupid games, Lexi, and I was tired of being her man-purse. Neither of us had feelings for each other. I was using her to get over you and she was using me for exposure. It’s not what I wanted.” I shifted uncomfortably in his arms. Just tell him Lexi, tell him you want him back! Tell him that you have been miserable without him. TELL HIM.

There was a gentle knock at the door, “Alex, Mom’s awake. She’s asking for you.” Christian mumbled through the door.

“I’ll be right there” answered Alex as he reluctantly released me and stood up. He held out his hand and helped me up. “Come, I want you to meet my mother” I froze, panic spread through me.

“Alex, I don’t think this is an appropriate time. You need to be with your family, I don’t think this is a good idea.” He refused to let my hand go.

“She is an exceptional woman Lexi, like you. I want you to meet her.” I hesitated slightly before following him out the door. I was sure he could hear my pounding heart as he led me to the master bedroom and opened the door, giving me a slight smile as he stepped inside.

A beautiful blue eyed woman sat gracefully in a chair. Despite her age she was strikingly attractive. There was no doubt where Alex had gotten his exceptional good looks from. Like him, she was breath-taking.

“Alexander.” Her accent was apparent as she gestured, her delicate hand waved for him to come closer. He moved quickly, kneeling at her side. “Go home Alexander, there is nothing you can do here. You need to rest, my son.” She stroked his face lovingly.

“It’s fine Mom, I can crash here tonight. I don’t need to be anywhere.” He took her hand and kissed it gently.

“Alexander, I know how much you loved your father and he knew it too. You are not dishonoring him by going home.” She paused to take a shaky breath. “He was so proud of you, Alexander... Go home my boy; Christian will stay with me tonight. Tomorrow we have a big day. I will need you with me then.” She kissed both sides of his face. My eyes misted from watching this poignant exchange between a mother and her son.

Alex turned to me, his eyes brimming with tears. “Mom, there is someone I’d like you to meet. This is Lexi.” He took my hand and led me to her chair. I knelt down beside her and held out my hand.

“I am so very sorry for your loss Mrs Stone. If there is anything I can do please let me know.”

She nodded politely. “Please call me Helnä. Thank you for your kind words, Alexander has spoken fondly about you. Please see that he gets home tonight, I worry about those vultures who camp outside his door trying to get pictures.”

She looked lovingly at Alex then back to me. It seemed Alex had spoken about me with most of his family members; I wasn’t sure when this had taken place. Was it when we were together or perhaps when I had broken his heart? I wondered how much they knew of our relationship. Neither his mother nor brother seemed to harbour any animosity toward me.

“Of course,” I smiled as I rose to my feet. Alex kissed his mother goodbye after I leaned in to give her a gentle hug. She was so thin I thought she could crumble in my arms. Christian gave his big brother a hug and told him that he would stay with their mother. Alex seemed resigned that he needed to leave and opened the door. I followed closely behind him.

Everyone was still waiting downstairs when we emerged. James’ face was noticeably relieved when he saw Alex standing beside me. He gave him a hug and told him that everyone was here for him, Alex nodded in silence, his eyes cast downward. It was almost as if he had lost his ability to speak, or that just opening his mouth would release a flood gate of tears.

I could tell he was touched by the assembling of his friends, offering their support. I was relieved at Marcy’s noticeable absence, glad to see either common sense had prevailed and she left of her own accord or Jason had tossed her dramatic ass out the door. As much as I would relish another showdown, this was not about me. I stepped in front of Alex, feeling he needed someone to take control.

“I’m going to take Alex home. I can draft a statement to appease the press and ask for privacy for the family during this time. Bear, can you stay here and make sure there aren’t any lurkers hanging around?” Chris nodded as she agreed with my assessment.

Everyone said their goodbyes and offered their condolences as Alex remained silent. Chris checked if there were any paparazzi hiding out front before I led Alex outside.

“Keys” I held out my hand and demanded.

“Lexi, no one drives my car” he shook his head in protest.

“You are in no condition to drive and I promise I will be careful. Either way, I am driving you home. I promised your mother and I am not about to break that promise. So hand them over.” I pushed my hand further toward him. He begrudgingly handed over the keys, muttering under his breath what a pain in the ass I was as I opened the doors.

I wondered if this was the first time he had sat in his own car’s passenger seat. He look uncomfortable and awkward as he sat down. “I promise I’ll be careful Alex, I won’t speed ok?” I reassured him as I sat behind the beautifully engineered steering wheel.

“I like to be the one driving,” he pouted.

I nodded in sympathy, “Me too...guess that’s why it didn’t work out for us” I hit the ignition awaking the beastly V8 engine. He shot me a pained sideways glance, as if by me finally acknowledging our past it made it real, and nodded slowly in agreement.

True to my word I obeyed all the speed limits and was positively boring while handling the amazing agility of the Maserati. I had been tempted to floor it off the lights but I didn’t dare break my promise to Alex, feeling like I was driving a Volvo rather than a sport car. I guided the car into the garage of his apartment complex, parking his prized possession in its usual spot. He sighed loudly as he opened his door and exited the car. I handed back his key immediately.

“See! I told you I’d be good!” I smiled; I was proud of myself, it had been no easy feat.

“Yes, thank you. I’m sure it was difficult for you.” Despite his words there was no double meaning, there was no anger or malice in his voice. I walked with him to the elevator as he keyed in his floor, the door closing behind us. He took my hand and held it as we rode in silence. Despite the circumstances it didn’t feel awkward or strange. It was as if we both were receiving comfort from the touch.

When we finally arrived at his floor, he led me to his apartment door, keying in his code to allow us entry. I closed the door behind us as he refused to let go of my hand. I hadn’t realized how late it had gotten. With the change in time zones, the flight, the time spent at Alex’s mum’s house it was now dark outside.

“Are you hungry Alex? I can order you something to eat?” I asked, not sure if he had eaten anything today.

“Are you?” he quizzed back.

“I could probably eat something. What do you want?”

He finally released my hand and raked both hands through his hair, seemingly frustrated. “What I can’t have,” he answered, his eyes clouded and sad. I hated that I was contributing to his pain; I hated what I had done to this amazing man.

I couldn’t stop myself as I walked over and kissed him. It was an automatic reflex, my lips found his as if they had never left, he returned my kiss passionately and with desperation. My arms flung around him as he clawed at me, my need matching his. I ran my hand up his back and through his hair and he grabbed me and lifted me, carrying me into his bedroom, both of us panting as we got there. His hungry eyes, still dark with shadows, searched mine as I kissed him, not wanting to stop but knowing this was wrong. As much as I wanted him, I didn’t want it to be like this. I felt the guilt creep up on me as I looked into his eyes; I couldn’t hurt him again. I pulled away.

“Alex, I’m sorry... we shouldn’t do this.” I panted, not believing the words coming from my mouth. He closed his eyes slowly and then looked at me again.

“Please Lexi, I need to feel something other than grief tonight. Please I need you.” As much as I wanted to stop, I couldn’t. The truth was, I needed him too. I nodded slowly as he resumed kissing me. His desperation had subsided as his demanding lips eased against mine, his tongue searching my mouth slowly and passionately, his hands slowing over my body too, taking their time as they travelled up my legs.

This was so much different to our usual tempo, it was slow and deliberate, as if he had to absorb every minute. As much as I wanted to feel him inside me, I didn’t want to rush this either - it felt so right. He took his time, slowly removing my clothing, kissing and caressing me between each step. My skin burned by the time I was naked, he stopped kissing me to admire his handy work, “God you’re beautiful,” he murmured as he resumed kissing me.

I let my fingers travel up his body. Slowly, as he had done, I removed one layer at a time. I maneuvered myself above him so he was now lying beneath me as I pulled off his jeans and discarded them with his shoes, socks and shirt. My hand slipped over the waistband of his trunks as I seductively kissed his stomach. My mouth travelled up his chest as my hands pushed down his underwear. I heard him groan as I swirled my tongue around the hollow of his neck and placed my hand around his hard length, stroking it gently. He slid his hands around my waist as he lifted me slightly so I straddled him, his hands following the curvature of my stomach down to the wetness between my thighs. He groaned again as his fingers explored me, his eyes refusing to leave mine. It was almost too intense. I closed my eyes, feeling my excitement growing as he watched me. With me still on top of him he lifted himself to a sitting position and cupped my ass, slowly lifting me again and placing me flat on the bed, his body shifting on top of me.

His wicked half smile was fleeting as he mumbled, “I want to drive.”

I smiled back. “Ok” was all I could manage.

We spent the night pleasuring each other, for what seemed like an eternity. I would have assumed that it would have been over quickly given our need for each other, but it wasn’t. Hours passed before we were finally satisfied with each other. We lay entwined, kissing each other slowly and more intimately than we ever had. It was the first time we had made love not just had sex; it was as if our bodies had melded into one entity. It was the closest thing to a spiritual experience I’d ever had. I felt like my soul had left my body and joined his. It was so much more than a physical connection and I’d never experienced this with anyone. He was so attentive, knowing when to back off and when to keep going. He relinquished control slightly throughout the night, smiling when I told him “It was my turn to drive” but for the first time I didn’t mind him taking the lead. I didn’t feel diminished or inferior and there was nothing submissive about it; it was about his need to please me and it made me feel like a goddess.

I fell asleep in his arms, I had no desire to leave, and I wanted this feeling to last forever. I could hear the comforting sound of his heart beating, his hand gently strumming my arm before I closed my eyes. He didn’t ask me to stay and I didn’t tell him I was leaving. Neither of us spoke, no words could communicate what we felt. I knew I couldn’t leave him and I had never felt this way about anyone. I wanted to spend the night with him. I wanted to wake up with him. I wanted to make love to him and for him to make love to me. I knew that I loved him and for the first time I wanted him to love me back.