Chapter 19 – Cross-Town Traffic

After my initial week in New York, I slipped into a comfortable routine. I found a gym nearby which meant I no longer had to freeze my ass off jogging in Central Park. I loved my new apartment and my new life. The highlight, of course, was my dream job, which I still marveled at if I stopped and thought about it for too long. Sydney had fulfilled her obligations with me and had moved on to a smaller PR firm, where she concentrated her efforts focusing on local talent. Insipid was the first client she signed. We still met for drinks and lunches and she dragged me out to clubs whenever she could.

I had spent Christmas in Houston with Matt when he went home to visit his family. I hadn’t been in the states long enough to want to fly back home and the thought of yet another drama-filled holiday with my family only cemented my resolve to stay away. Of course James and Hannah had invited me to join them for Christmas but I didn’t want to impose and I longed to spend some quality time with my friend, so it seemed like a better option. Matt’s parents were overly accommodating, treating me like a member of their family. I was instructed to sit down and relax while his mother Martha cooked some good Southern style food and his dad John talked to me about his college days as a football star. They were delighted their son had met such a “lovely” girl who had given their boy a place to stay while he was living in Australia and were glad to finally meet me and show their appreciation. I was overwhelmed with their generosity and love; I understood why Matt was as wonderful as he was, when I looked at the amazing people who had raised him.

They were exceptionally proud of him. I wondered what that might feel like? Unconditional love and support. Just being with them in their home reinforced what I had missed in my own family. I thanked them profusely for allowing me to share the holidays with them, it was probably one of the best Christmases I had ever experienced.

I had made the drunken admission to Matt on New Year’s Eve, that I still had feelings for Alex and missed him greatly. Matt begged me just to talk to Alex and tell him how I felt. I stubbornly refused, admitting I had missed my chance and I was happily screwing my way from one end of Manhattan to the other. He frowned at my “coping mechanism” explaining that I deserved better but telling me that he loved me anyway, despite my poor choices.

I saw Troy, Jason and Dan from time to time but as they were busy writing and recording a new album, there wasn’t a need for interaction with management or the publicist. Troy and I had gotten to know each other a little better; he’d even taken me on one of his famous road trips. I laughed when he showed up in his VW Baha Beetle, this huge guy, squished into this tiny car. Troy had told me that it had been his dream car growing up and despite having enough money to buy anything he wanted it made him feel grounded and in touch with who he used to be. Dan made some comment about the size of Troy’s car, comparing it to the size of his manhood. “I don’t need to compensate like you!” Troy had responded wiggling his little finger. Dan was adamant that he have the chance to prove he was more than average, threatening to drop his pants right there and then to illustrate the fact. I admired Troy; it was truly not about the money or the fame for him. He just wanted to play music and go about his life, leaving the politics of the band to James and Alex.

Jason was still seeing his girl from Pennsylvania. I hadn’t had the pleasure of meeting her yet, but Jason was smitten. He, like Troy, didn’t subscribe to the flashy lifestyle and was happy just to play in the band. Dan on the other hand was still the pants man he’d always been - he just had more options now. He spent his down time drinking and partying. He was a constant fixture on the night scene, giving me more than my share of headaches. It seemed like every other day there were photos of Dan in various compromising positions. I had to alternate between sweet talking and threatening legal action to keep a particular set of nude photos from being splashed all over the tabloids. It never ceased to amaze that he hadn’t yet been arrested for public indecency.

I saw James more frequently; not only from a professional stand point but on a personal level as well. James and I had spent many afternoons brainstorming ideas in my office, for the release of the album and how we were going to publicise the subsequent tour. We had also spoken at length about the image he was happy to project and how to keep their private lives (mostly his) out of the public eye. He worried about Hannah and his little jelly bean and what we could do to ensure they were protected and isolated from the circus that followed him.

I loved my social visits, being included in their lives as and watching Hannah’s belly swell to a small but adorable bump. I had confirmed the persistent rumour that she was expecting after the crucial twelve week mark, as well as confirming the rumour that Alex and Marcy were indeed dating.

I saw Alex from time to time, our most frequent method of communication still being text messages. He never did tell me why he left so suddenly that night at the bar or why he hadn’t said goodbye so I figured I’d just let it go. After all, he didn’t owe me any explanation. I tried to be happy for him but I had a nagging knot in the pit of my stomach whenever I saw him. Marcy hated me, which didn’t help the situation. She had made some lame joke about me being “cute” when she met me and I’d in turn made a snide comment about the virtues of natural beauty verse cosmetic enhancement that had apparently offended her. I couldn’t understand why. Troy and Dan had enjoyed our little showdown, hoping it was going to turn into a fully fledged catfight, but were left disappointed when she instead insisted Alex leave with her.

Alex hadn’t seemed to be too perturbed by it, joking after that it was pretty funny and that I was as “mouthy” as ever. We both occasionally flirted with double entendres and choice words and even less occasionally he’d set my skin ablaze with a touch or by brushing up against me. The thought of his naked body on mine was still fresh in my mind, even though it had been months. I had tried to erase the memory of him by seeing other men - I’d had a string of one night stands and casual liaisons, all of which left me emptier than when I began. As usual I’d leave right after and most of the time not see or call them again.

Sometimes I missed home. I Skyped Kate frequently and she filled me in on the office gossip. She had finally fired Psycho Stacey which pleased me immensely and was poaching Nadine from the Sydney office to fill the void when Matt finally left in March.

Anna emailed constantly, telling me how in love she was with Matt and not looking forward to his departure. She was looking into the logistics of being granted a working visa so they could continue their relationship, but was being met with bureaucratic red tape. I gave her some contacts of Houston based firms I knew to help her explore her options, wanting both my friends to be happy. Matt was very appreciative that I supported his relationship with Anna, he was probably my best friend and I honestly would have done anything for him so it was no big deal for me to make a couple of calls on their behalf.

Emma and Jackson had started dating and I was glad that my beautiful friend had finally found someone who was worthy of her. Emma’s conservative family had initially been resistant to her dating a musician but when they got to know Jackson and saw how happy he made her, they over looked his “questionable” employment and welcomed him into the family. Emma gushed on the phone “I think he’s the one Lexi, I can’t believe how lucky we are to have found each other.” I think I shed a tear or two after the call, both ecstatic for Emma but my heart aching for Alex.

Even though I loved my life and my job, I still had a desperate emptiness. I hadn’t craved an emotional connection before, but I really missed it now. For the first time in a long time, I felt lonely. It seemed the more “stuff” I tried to fill the void with, the deeper it became. I was fairly sure my credit cards wouldn’t be able to withstand my pace of retail therapy, knowing that it was becoming more emotional rather than recreational.

Chris had noticed my despondence one Friday afternoon. I stared blankly at my computer screen as she glanced at me through the open door of my office.

“Lexi, are you ok? You look a little pale” Chris walked further into the room, concern traversed her face.

“Huh?” I mumbled not hearing her enter and stand before me.

“I asked if you were ok? You look a little pale. I know you have been putting in a lot of hours lately; I’m worried you might be burning the candle at both ends. Once the album is released it’s going to be a non-stop press junket.” She eased her graceful body into a chair opposite my desk.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Maybe a little tired. I should probably start taking some vitamins too.” I stretched my arm and placed my hand to rub the back of my neck.

“Maybe you need to take a break, you’ve been working solidly since you got here three months ago. Why don’t you take a weekend off? Go somewhere out of town.” Her eyes followed me as I sipped slowly on a Red Bull. “...Lexi, have you lost weight? When was the last time you ate?” Her voice wavered slightly with concern as she glanced at my loose fitting jacket.

“I don’t know, I haven’t really kept track.” I smiled weakly. In all honesty I couldn’t remember when my last proper meal had been.

“Lexi, I want you to know that you are doing an exceptional job, but needing a time out every once in a while is not a sign of weakness. Seriously, you’ve moved across the world to establish yourself, it’s bound to take its toll. Take the weekend off. Do something for yourself. Get some sleep and for god’s sake eat something.” She smiled weakly before lifting herself from her chair.

I shrugged. “Yeah I guess between Dan’s illicit public displays, Alex’s high profile romance and trying to keep Hannah’s pregnancy under wraps, I’ve probably been pushing it a little hard. I suppose it wouldn’t kill me to take the weekend off.”

“Good, let me know if you need anything. Enjoy your weekend - no work,” she warned before closing my door.

I flicked through my inbox and searched for Matt’s email, his time at Cole had come to an end and he was flying home. He was currently in the air somewhere over the pacific. We had made some sketchy plans about possibly meeting up in Pittsburgh in a couple of weeks after he’d settled back into life in Houston. He had told me how sad he’d been to leave Anna, with still no word on whether she was going to be able to join him anytime soon.

He’d seemed rather flat in his last correspondence, giving me his flight details and itinerary. I scanned the email as I noticed he had a layover in LA tonight as his flight didn’t land until midnight. I smiled my first genuine smile in a while as my mind starting ticking over. I could fly to LA and meet Matt when he landed. We could possibly push back his flight by a day and have the weekend together. I hate LA but we could always go to Vegas? Either way, the weather would be warmer and I would get to see my best friend. My heart raced as I quickly scanned the internet for flights to LA. There was an 8pm Virgin flight departing JFK, arriving in LAX just before midnight. It was almost too perfect! I slid out my over used credit card and booked a seat. I barely contained my excitement as I entered the digits, it was the first spontaneous thing I’d done in months! I felt a connection with my former self, my wicked spark returning as I mentally planned our crazy weekend.

I switched off my monitor as I flew out of the office, my keys and phone still in my hand as I pushed through the double glass doors of the main foyer and stepped onto the main street. I sprinted home, my high heels protesting against the pavement as I rounded the last corner. My adrenaline spiked as I ran up the stairs, not willing to wait for the elevator.

I still had to pack and get to the airport in time to pass the security screening for my flight. There was little margin for error. My chest burned by the time I got to my floor. I pressed my back against the wall as fumbled with my keys trying to open my front door. Upon hearing the commotion, Taylah popped her head out her door.

“Hey Lexi, what’s going on? Sounded like you were getting mugged or getting lucky.” She winked.

“Hey Tay... heading out of town for the weekend... meeting a friend in LA.” I sucked in breath as I tried to talk.

“Oh cool, need a ride to the airport?” she asked, “I can grab the keys?”

“Thank you Taylah, I would LOVE a ride, give me 10 minutes to pack. Meet you down stairs.” I practically fell into my apartment. I grabbed an overnight bag and threw in some bits and pieces. Screw it - whatever I’d forgotten I’d buy there. I quickly changed into a pair of jeans, t-shirt and hoodie and swept my hair into a ponytail before flying back out the door.

Taylah was already waiting beside the black BMW when I got the parking garage, her warm smile flirting on her lips as she opened the doors. “Is this some transcontinental booty call?” she giggled.

“I wish!” I smiled, “Just a really good friend who I have missed dearly.” I sighed as Taylah put the car into drive and pulled out onto the road. I glanced at my phone, Shit! 5pm, it was peak hour traffic and I still needed to get to the airport!

“Don’t worry, Lex” Taylah soothed, “I’ll get you there on time. There is a reason Dave doesn’t like me to drive when he’s in the car!” She laughed as she weaved between traffic, like the New York native she was. I finally relaxed when I saw the sign directing us to JFK and knew I was going to make the flight.

We entered the on-ramp as she searched for the correct terminal, pulling the car to curb to drop me off when she saw the Virgin America sign. I gave her a huge hug and told her I owed her one as I fished my overnight bag from the backseat, slinging it over my shoulder. I ran to the security check point, hurriedly removing my shoes and putting my bags through the x-ray machine. My heart was beating like it was about to explode from my chest. I made it to the boarding gate as the final call was announced, almost flinging my boarding pass at the attendant as I tried to slow to a walking pace before entering the jet bridge.

I collapsed into my seat as they closed the door and commenced the safety announcement. I struggled to bring my breathing to heel, feeling slightly light headed and giddy. I closed my eyes and thought about Matt, his beautiful enigmatic smile, his incredible blue eyes and his amazing heart. I switched off my phone as we taxied onto the runway. All my stress and worry fell away like the ground below me, I had found some peace.