Carlos crosses his arms in front of him and stands before me, absolute in his resolve to ruin his life. I know better than to shout at a kid because it makes it easier for them to tune out. And shouting never helps anything. But right now, this kid is really pushing it.

“Have I ever been rude to you, Carlos?” I demand. He shrugs his shoulders and looks away.

“Look at me. Have I ever been rude to you?” I ask again.

“No,” he mumbles.

“Then can I get some of that courtesy back, please?”

“Yeah,” he grumbles.

“Good. Let’s start again. Hi, Carlos.”

“Hi, Ms. Bennett.”

“I need to talk to you. Come inside and take a seat. And remember who you are talking to. I’m not your pal. Do you understand me?”

“Yes.”

“Much better. Now sit your butt in that chair and tell me why you are working so hard to mess up your life.” He enters the office and reluctantly sits down.

“You look so thin, are you eating?” I ask.

“Yeah.”

“Candy bars don’t count,” I remind him.

“I eat other stuff,” he says.

“Here, it’s your favorite,” I reply as I hand him the chunky PB&J sandwich I snatched from the snack basket for the lower grades. It always amuses me how a kid that’s fourteen could still love PB&J, but he does. It’s Carlos’s deep dark secret. We usually keep a few for him when they’re available. He unwraps the sandwich, takes a big bite, and opens the carton of juice I handed him. My heart aches thinking of a sweet kid like him getting caught up in a gang.

“I know something’s going on, Carlos, and I want to help but I can’t if you don’t talk to me.”

“It’s nothing.”

“That can’t be true. If it was nothing you wouldn’t be skipping school and afterschool. And you certainly wouldn’t talk to me the way you did when you first got here. And yes, I am still waiting for an apology.”

“Sorry,” he says.

“For what?”

“Sorry for being rude before.”

“Thank you. I appreciate that. Now please help me understand why one of my favorite artists is throwing his life away.”

“I’m not an artist.”

“You draw better than most professionals I know. That’s why I commissioned you to draw the bird for me—you’re so talented. I really thought you enjoyed that project.”

“I did. At first I didn’t like birds or whatever but when you made me read about them for research, it was kind of cool. I like the bird that farts to find its food,” he says, smiling despite himself.

“That’s the Bassian thrushes. And yes, that is something you boys would find funny,” I tease.

“And the birds that yawn in a group and shit,” he says, laughing.

“Excuse me?”

“I meant to say stuff. Stuff,” he replies.

“Thank you. I’m glad you had fun. You made a fantastic piece of art. And you’ve won dozens of contests. Your history grades were up and your math scores were getting better. What happened?”

“My boy Tony and I used to hang and sh—stuff. But then a few weeks ago, he aged out of foster care. He said he wished he’d gotten with a crew way back then ’cause he’d have a place to go. I don’t want that to be me. So, I getting with a crew right now.”

“I’m sorry about your friend. I know it sucks to age out of the system.”

“You don’t know, Ms. Bennett. You got adopted. That’s not gonna happen to me.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Why do you keep lying to me?”

“I’m not. You’re a wonderful kid and you deserve a home.”

“So does Tony, but that’s not gonna happen.”

“It happened for Luis. And it was close to happening with you. They wanted to take you in, they just couldn’t afford it.”

“Yeah, it’s always something, but in the end, I’m alone. But with this crew, I got friends.”

“You are not alone. And they aren’t your friends. These guys are violent and nothing good can come from hanging around them.”

“They got my back.”

“What they have is a direct path to prison. You cannot follow them.”

“You don’t remember what it was like to be given away because it was a long time ago. But I do. And now someone is taking me in. Someone is standing up for me. The Street Kings represent for me. Anybody come at me, they got my back. They are my family.”

“What about Luis? Do you know how much pain you are causing him?”

“He’ll be okay. He’s with a foster family.”

“He’s worried about you. He loves you. And I do too. You know that. Please stop this before things get out of hand,” I beg.

“No. I’ve got the one thing the foster care could never get me—family—and I’m not giving that up.”

“Well I’m not giving up on you, so you better get used to my face because I will hound you to the ends of this earth until you stop hanging out with them.”

“Yeah, whatever, I gotta go.”

“No you don’t. Your teachers faxed me a list of the homework you owe them,” I reply as I pull out a file from the top drawer of a cabinet.

“I can’t. I gotta meet up with someone.”

“Well the Street Thugs are gonna have to take a raincheck.”

“Street Kings,” he corrects me.

“Carlos, you are smarter than this. These guys aren’t the kings of anything. C’mon, you have been around gangs all your life and yet you never joined one. And the reason is because deep down you know it’s wrong.”

“I don’t have time for this, Ms. Bennett. They gonna hate waiting on me. I gotta go.”

“No, you don’t. What you have to go do is catch up on the schoolwork you’ve been missing,” I reply.

“No, I don’t want to,” he says, taking his things and heading for the door.

“Carlos Miguel Pena, did I say you could leave? Get your butt back in that chair. Now.”

“Fine, but you can’t keep me here, that’s false imprisonment.”

“Write to congressmen. Now, get to work,” I reply as I hand him a stack of papers. He rolls his eyes and sighs deeply. But in the end he does as I ask. I know there’s a good kid still in there, somewhere…

***

It takes a few hours for Carlos to get caught up on the work he’s missed. It really isn’t about the work, I just need to keep him away from those thugs even if it’s only for a few hours. When he’s done with his work, I drive him back to the group home and watch him sign in. He’s pissed that I made him miss his hang-out time with his so-called friends. After he signs in, he runs up to his room, taking the steps three at a time.

“He’s a handful,” the group director says as she watches him run away. Her name is Tammy and while she’s good with the kids, I wish she was more on it. She should have alerted his teachers that he was in trouble. But to be fair, she has a lot of kids to look after. Sometimes I really hate the system. It’s so easy for these kids to be overlooked. It’s just so frustrating. How am I going to help this kid?

I haven’t had dinner yet but I’m so damn tired, I don’t care. I just want to take a hot shower and get into bed with Wyatt. I mean, get into bed alone, by myself. It’s clear that the long day is making me say and think crazy thoughts. But once I step out of the elevator and into the hall of my apartment, it’s clear to me that rest is not something I’m going to get. My sister, Bree, is sitting down in front of my door with my five-year-old niece asleep on her lap.

“What are you guys doing here? Is everything okay?” I ask as I rush over.

Bree has green eyes, a figure I would die for, and red hair. It’s easy to see that we are not biologically related. Her daughter, Lily, has the same bright red hair and green eyes.

“We’re fine. I was in town for some boring fundraiser and I thought I’d surprise you but I forgot my key, so I couldn’t get in,” Bree says.

“You mean you lost your key—again.”

“Don’t harp on that, Winnie. Just enjoy that Lily and I stopped by even though you have been ignoring us.”

“Very subtle, Bree,” I reply as I gently pick up my niece from the floor and hand the keys to Bree. She opens the door, and I place Lily on the sofa.

“How long have you guys been waiting? Why didn’t you call me? I could have come home early,” I say.

“We’ve only been here for a little while. I figured you’d be home soon. It’s not like you have a social life.”

Argh!

“Can you hug me before you stab me with the ‘blade of judgment’?” I ask as we embrace. She goes into my fridge and helps herself to a bottle of water.

“I’m just saying, it would help if you get out more,” she says.

“I have been out. I just got back.”

“Out doing work stuff. I’m taking about dating.”

“Well, I just had one of those yesterday,” I reply.

“WHAT!” She shouts so loudly she wakes up Lily.

She looks up with a groggy expression and tangled hair. “Pizza!” she says sleepily.

“Tomorrow, honey. Go back to sleep,” Bree says, running over to stroke her child’s hair.

“Win-Win,” she calls out to me just before her eyes close again. Hearing her little voice always makes me melt.

“Hi, Butter!” I whisper back.

I’ve called her that since the time we found her standing in front of the fridge giving herself a bath by using butter as soap. She was two years old, and it’s still the cutest thing I’ve seen to date. My sister comes back towards me and threatens my life if I don’t give her details. When I’m done, she doesn’t say anything. She just chews on her lower lip and mumbles “Humph” to herself. That’s classic Bree for “Winter is making a mistake.”

I should have kept my damn mouth shut. I am in no mood to have the conversation she wants to have. The one where she tells me she knows what’s best for me and I don’t. So, I decide to skip ahead to a new subject and hope that will be the end of it.

“So, where’s Will tonight?” I ask.

“He’s out of town, conference in Spokane, Illinois,” she says. Will is one of the top executives at H&H Marketing Solutions. He makes enough money that Bree doesn’t have to work. She enjoys being a stay at home mom most of the time. Will rarely comes down to the city or to family functions because he’s always working. The two of them have been married for seven years now. He’s a little…boring for my taste, but he’s good to my sister and he’s great with Lily.

“When is he coming back?” I ask.

“Not until Monday.”

“Does that mean I’m on babysitting duty this weekend?” I ask.

“No, you’re off the hook. Will’s mom is staying with us for a few days. I was gonna have Lily stay with her tonight but she wanted to see you. She’s worried about you.”

“Really?” I ask suspiciously.

“Okay, I’m worried. I just worry about you,” she admits.

“Bree, there’s no need to worry.”

“Are you sure about that?” she asks. Sweet Jesus, here we go.

“Bree, can we just get down to it, please? Say what you have to say.”

“What? Me? I don’t have anything to say,” she lies. I close my eyes and silently count down to the inevitable Bree “Monologue of caution.”

Five…four…three…two…one…

“I just don’t understand how you could go out with a guy like that after Danny,” she says as she rearranges the items on my kitchen counter.

“Oh my God, how is it you always know the perfectly wrong thing to say?” I demand, trying to keep my cool.

“He wants to go out with you and doesn’t take no for an answer. He wants to get his way no matter what, so he follows you to a party.”

“That’s not at all what happened,” I reply.

“Danny was always trying to control you. He twisted your mind and warped your brain. In the end, we almost lost you. And now you want to go out with a guy who’s a cop, a cop! Do you know what they do all day? Give orders. Cops are professional bullies.”

“Since when were you against cops?” I ask.

“Hey, Will and I gave ten thousand dollars to the Police Athletic League last year. We love cops. I just don’t think you should be dating one.”

“We’re not dating, okay? We’re just…it doesn’t even matter. He’s nothing like Danny and you have no right to imply that he is.”

“You had your eyes closed the whole time you dated Danny. You were about to marry him and he blew up your life from the inside out. Is that what you want to happen again?”

“Bree, you’re the one who encouraged me to go out and date,” I remind her.

“A nice mild-mannered real estate guy.”

“Roger was an asshole!”

“He was polished,” she says.

“You mean he was rich.”

“Yeah, so what’s wrong with that?” she demands.

“Nothing, but he was also self-centered and arrogant.”

“Unlike this Wyatt guy, who forced you to go out with him?”

“He didn’t force me.”

“Really? Because according to your story, you tried to flee from him and he stalked you.”

“Oh my God, why do I talk to you? Why? You turn and twist everything around,” I snap as I run my fingers through my hair.

“Don’t get mad at me because I’m trying to stop you from making yet another mistake.”

“So if I’m not dating who you want, when you want, it’s automatically a mistake?”

“I’m just looking out for you, all right? And this Wyatt guy sounds like a bad idea. He carries a gun. He won’t take no for an answer, and he forced you to hang out with him,” she pleads.

“Damn it, Bree. For the last time, he didn’t force me, I wanted to be with him.”

“You wanted to be with Danny. Look how that turned out.”

“I can’t believe you just said that. I can’t…” I start pacing around the kitchen, getting angrier with each step. Does that get her to stop talking? Not a chance in hell. Not my sister.

“I’m sorry but I am just looking out for you. You need to be with someone more like Will. Traditional. Hard working. Financially stable.”

“You see? This is why I don’t call you often. It’s always a fight with you. You want to control everything I do,” I reply.

“I am not the one who ruined your life. I’m the one who helped you pick the pieces back up, and I think I should have a say in who you let in your life because that person is in my life too.”

“You know what, forget it. I’m not talking to you about this anymore,” I inform her.

“Ever since we were kids you had to go off and make your own way. You couldn’t just follow a safe path. You got a degree in education and you waste it on a job that barely pays. And now, you are ready to fall hard and fast for some loser—”

“YOU ARE BEING SUCH A BITCH RIGHT NOW!” I belt out before I can stop myself. There’s an urgent knock on the door. I go over to the door and look in the peephole. Wyatt. Shit. I turn back to my sister and angrily wag my finger at her.

“Stay here,” I order. I open the door and quickly step out into the hallway, closing the door behind me.

“Hey, what’s going on? Who are you shouting at?” he asks.

“My sister, it’s fine—what are you doing here?”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to come by without calling but I woke up and couldn’t get back to bed. Thought I’d stop by and see if you could use some company,” he says, his voice dripping with concern.

“That’s nice, but I already have company.”

“Winter, what the fuck is going on? Why do you look so pissed off? Why are you and your sister fighting?”

“It’s nothing—I gotta go.” He gently takes my arm and walks me away from my door, down towards the elevator.

“Hey, you can talk to me. No matter what it is, you can talk to me,” he says with earnestness that causes a lump in my throat.

He’s nothing like Danny.

I reach out to him and put a stray hair back into place. God, he’s like a wonderful dream I want to fall into. Knowing that I could spend all night looking into his eyes, I pull myself away.

“I’ll call you.” I quickly go inside before he can object. I close the door behind me.

Standing a few feet from the door is my now very awake niece with an empty jar in her hand.

“Win-Win, you said a bad word. Put a dollar in the jar and no I-O-Us!”