I did the right thing, didn’t I?

I have been asking myself that question since my conversation with Wyatt in the parking lot five days ago. I am trying to block out all thoughts of him, and by now, I should be successful at it but I’m not. I’ll be doing laundry and randomly think about him. Yesterday, I was in the grocery store and I thought I spotted him, only to be disappointed when it wasn’t him. The worst part is at night when I picture him crawling into bed with another woman, one who doesn’t have as much baggage as I do.

Today marks a week since I last saw Wyatt. And I vow to myself that today will be different. I will not speculate on what or whom he’s doing. So, when I put my key in the door, I don’t look over to the sofa where he once sat. Instead I wrap up whatever work I didn’t get done in the office, binge watch shows on Netflix, and order Thai food.

My phone rings. It’s him. He input his cell number in my phone the night we met, in case I needed anything. I don’t pick up. It’s hard to listen to it ringing, knowing he’s on the other end. I want to talk to him. I want to know how his week has been. He seems so serious; did anything make him smile or laugh today? Did he find Donavan? He’s a detective, so I’m guessing danger is part of his everyday life, but is he being careful? Is he okay? Is he alone tonight?

After six rings, the phone goes silent. Deflated, I turn my attention back to House of Cards. But then, my phone makes a chirping sound, which lets me know that unlike the other times, Wyatt has left me a voicemail. I leap off my sofa like a cartoon character whose butt has been set on fire.

My hands are shaking and my mouth is dry. I can’t reach the “play” button on the screen fast enough. Soon, his deep baritone voice is filling my ear and resonating throughout my body.

“I’ve been thinking about you. I don’t know how long I can…I really fucking miss you.”

I replay it six times and each time brings me closer to returning his call. I tell myself the only thing to do is to delete the voicemail. I touch the screen and my cell asks if I’m sure I want to delete…

No! Hell no! I want to replay. Replay!

And I do. I replay it again. How many more times? I won’t say, I don’t want you to lose respect for me. Soon the recording is less about how wonderful it feels to be missed and more about how pathetic I am that I can’t even bring myself to return his call. I turn off the TV and get ready for bed. I crawl under the covers and close my eyes. But I know the night will be long and sleep won’t come easily.

***

I managed to get about an hour and a half worth of sleep. So, this morning, I make my way to the biggest cup of coffee I can find. I pull into the parking lot and find my favorite helper waiting for me.

“Hi, Luis! Why are you wearing such a light jacket? Where’s your coat?” I ask.

“Ms. Bennett, it’s not even winter yet.”

“Yes, but it’s only fifty-two today. And the rest of the week will get even cooler. Did your mother let you leave the house with that jacket?” I ask.

“Well…”

“Luis.”

“Okay, she gave me a heavier coat but it’s hard to move around in it. I gotta be free, man,” he says, sounding more like an old hippie than a nine-year-old.

“I know it’s been nice out lately, but it’s October in New York. You know better.”

“Okay, I’ll put on the jacket my mom gave me,” he says reluctantly. I can’t help but squeal with excitement. When a foster kid gets officially adopted, that means they have a permanent house to live in. But when they call their foster partners “Mom” and “Dad,” that means they have a home. And Luis was so worried that his foster parents were going to change their mind about adopting, he wouldn’t even consider calling them that. But it’s a year later and he’s finally comfortable saying “Mom.”

“Ms. Bennett, stop,” he says, blushing. He knows exactly why I’m partially jumping up and down.

“Sorry,” I reply, trying to suppress my glee. “I almost forgot,” I say as I reach into the second cup holder in my car and hand him the cup of chocolate I got for him at Starbucks.

“Thanks, Ms. Bennett,” he says as he walks me to the front of the center.

“You’re welcome. Luis, did you see Carlos?”

“Yeah, he came by last night.”

“Did you tell him I need to see him?”

“Yeah, he said he’s really busy.”

“Too busy for the center?”

“Yeah,” he says as his eyes fill with worry. I kneel down so that Luis and I are at eye level.

“What’s going on with Carlos and his new friends?” I ask.

“They want him to drop out of school and hang with them. He said they can give him a job and hook him up. He said he’ll give me some of his money, but I don’t think I want it,” he says sadly.

“When is the next time you’ll see him Carlos?”

“I’m not sure.”

“I need you to come to my office with me and give me a list of some of the places Carlos hangs out. I need to talk to him. I tried calling but it just goes to voicemail.”

“Okay. He won’t be mad at me for talking to you, right?”

“No, I’m sure he won’t. Let’s go. And then go home and get the heavier jacket your mom told you to wear, okay?”

“Okay. Ms. Bennett?”

“Yes?”

“Will my brother ever find a home like I did?”

I place his little face between my hands and look into his warm eyes. “Your brother is going to find a home. It’s just gonna take time. But don’t worry. He’ll find a home.”

God, please don’t let me be a liar today…

***

I collect the information Luis gives me, and the rest of the day passes by in a blur of meetings, classes, and paperwork. I’m so caught up in work, when Jana enters my office, I don’t even hear her come in.

“Are you ready?” she asks.

“For what?” I ask, glued to the budget sheet I’m looking over.

“Are you serious? The Halloween party.”

Crap. Every year we join up with other outreach programs and throw a party for the staff and their guests. Normally it’s a holiday party, but this year, the person in charge is Jana and she wanted to do it on Halloween instead. Since the space was booked up on the actual night of Halloween, we are doing it a week ahead.

“It completely slipped my mind.”

“How is that possible? I’ve been planning this for weeks,” she reminds me.

“I know. I guess I had a lot of things on my mind. Sorry.”

“Did you call him?” she asks as she takes a seat in front of the desk.

“No.”

“What? Even after that message he left you? What is wrong with you?”

“I don’t want to talk about him.”

“Winter, he’s not Danny. Just because Danny did you wrong doesn’t mean the next guy will too.”

“I know that.”

“Then what the hell? Call Mr. Hotness and put it on him. You haven’t had sex in a year. That’s illegal in some countries.”

“What country?”

“United States of Jana,” she jokes as she raises her eyebrows suggestively. I roll my eyes and go back to the work before me.

“Sweetie, I get that’s it’s hard but it’s unhealthy to lock yourself up like that. Think about calling him. You don’t have to say yes to going out. Just agree to have a simple conversation. Damn,” she says.

“Why is this so important to you, Jana?”

“I miss my friend.”

“I’m right here.”

“No, you’re off in lala land. Living the life of a ninety-year-old woman. TV and warm tea. In fact, I know a few grannys that have better love lives than you do.”

“Fine, I’ll go to the party.”

“Yes, you will. You have two hours before the party; you will go and get a slutty outfit that will make me proud,” she says, running out before I change my mind.

***

I don’t know how I let the party slip out of my mind. Maybe it’s because the weather has been so mild up until now, it didn’t feel like fall. Or maybe I am putting so much thought into not thinking about a certain guy that everything else takes a back seat. I should have noticed much sooner that Carlos was missing after-school class. I should have remembered this party, and I should have checked back in with my sister. I am determined to get things back on track.

I text my sister and make plans with her for girl’s night. I then find my sluttiest costume from a few years back—a sexy bunny—and put it on. It’s a strapless, pink sequined body-hugging romper with a white bunny tail and lace-up back. I complete the outfit with the bunny-ear headband. I want Jana to be proud.

I enter the bar where the party is being held. It’s packed. Jana did a great job with the decorations and the food. Everyone is in costume and having fun. I try to catch her eye through the large crowd but she can’t see me. I make my way towards her as I greet my staff. I finally find her and pull her in close.

“You totally nailed this, Jana!”

“Thanks! I’m so glad you came. I thought you were gonna flake out,” she shouts above the music.

“Not a chance. I know how hard you’ve worked, and given the budget, you did a really nice job.”

“Well, I’m glad you like it. Now, I have something to tell you but I need you to promise not to be mad.”

“Oh no! You didn’t set me up on a date, did you? Please tell me you didn’t!” I reply, knowing full well that stuff is right up her alley.

“No, I didn’t set you up on a blind date,” she assures me.

“Phew, okay. Good.”

“I did, however, invite a certain someone—on the off chance you might show up,” she says as she signals towards the entrance.

Wyatt…