Chapter Fourteen
TWENTY MINUTES LATER Carson stood outside the empty retail space that was once the Biology Café with a heartbroken Tawny tucked beneath his arm.
“I don’t even know when it closed,” she said sadly. “This is the first time I’ve been back since my father died.”
He gazed into her sad green eyes, feeling her sorrow as his own. After losing her father, she must feel like losing the traditions she’d once counted on were like losing pieces of herself all over again. Did she worry that those memories would be forgotten? Or was it bigger than that? Did she feel like parts of herself were being erased?
Whatever was going on in Tawny’s head Carson wasn’t about to let happen.
“The café was just a symbol, Tabs. Symbols are meaningful on a deep level, but on the surface they’re just symbols. If you took away the symbol H20, water would still exist, right? Everyone in the world knows that water is a substance, but not everyone knows that H20 represents it.” He waved toward the empty retail space. “That café was your symbol, but what happened here, on this corner, will never change, regardless of the landscape. This corner, this spot on earth, will always be here. That retail space may not be a café, but you’ll have this area to come back to, to celebrate your parents’ love for each other. I’ll set up a table for us right here every year, and we’ll have a beautiful lunch in memory of your parents on the anniversary of the day they met. We won’t let your traditions be forgotten. I promise you that.”
A radiant smile reached all the way up to her eyes. “Is there anything you won’t do for me?”
He cradled her face in his hands, vaguely aware of people walking around them, glad she was smiling again. “No. You can count on me, Tabs. You always could. Nothing has changed for the worse, and everything has changed for the better. And right now we’re going to get out of here and get your mind off of this.” He guided her to the car and asked Barton to take them to Greenwich Village.
“Don’t you find it weird that the café closed after my dad died?” she asked. “Like it was meant to be the end to an era, or something? Like I’m supposed to move past it?”
“No, I don’t think you’re supposed to move past anything. Celebrating your parents’ love made you happy. This is a coincidence, that’s all. Not a sign,” he assured her. “We can’t control the variables around us. You know that. We are the only constants in our lives, and some days we can’t even control ourselves.”
“We can’t control them, but we can appreciate them.” She pulled a small black velvet bag out of her pocket and set it in his hand. “Even though you’re technically a variable, in my heart, you’ve always been my constant, Carson. It was thoughts of you that drove me to discover the real me back in college, and again now. And I’m one hundred percent convinced that thoughts of being with you again were what pulled me through my father’s death.”
He slid a hand beneath her hair and pulled her into a warm, sensual kiss. “Thank you, baby, but you don’t need to buy me anything. You’re here with me, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted.” He opened the bag and out dropped a silver necklace with a lowercase, italic h charm.
“It’s Planck’s constant,” she said excitedly. “A physical constant that is the quantum of action, central in quantum mechanics. And quantum mechanics is the body of scientific laws that describe the strange behavior of photons, electrons, and the other particles that make up the universe. In my universe, you are my Planck’s constant, which explains all of my wacky behavior.”
He laughed, but his heart felt like it might crawl out of his chest. He drew her into another kiss, his throat thickening with emotions. “Only you would ever think of something like this, and it’s only one of a million reasons why I adore you. Thank you, Tabs.”
“I wasn’t sure if you’d wear a necklace, and it’s okay if you don’t want to. I just wanted you to have it. I went with a knife-edge chain, which is very masculine, and—” She stopped explaining as he put it on and tucked it beneath his shirt.
“It’s from you,” he said. “It’ll never come off.”
“That makes me so happy,” she said softly, and embraced him.
“You’re leaving tomorrow. I need to know what you want, Tabs. Do you want to try to build a life with me?”
A sweet, nervous laugh escaped, and she drew in a deep breath. “It’s a big jump.”
“No, babe. A big jump is marrying someone you’re not in love with to escape your fears. Giving up what made you feel complete because you were afraid took far more courage than this will take. You’ve accepted your sexuality; you’ve accepted me. What’s left to fear?”
She shrugged one shoulder. “I don’t know, but I’m not afraid of how I feel anymore. I can’t ask you to move away, and I can’t move here, Carson. I’m just not ready to leave Adeline for good. I know that might sound crazy, because she’s not my daughter, but…”
“Then we’ll figure it out so you don’t have to. I’ll come to Paris. I can’t move there full-time, but I can be there for the majority of the time. I’ll help you open your business and make connections, and we’ll figure it out together,” he assured her. “All of it. Tell me you want that.”
“But your business and your family…?”
Barton pulled over at the curb and stepped from the car. He opened the back door, and cold air swept over them, but Carson didn’t move.
“I’ll open an office in Paris. It’ll take time and I’ll have to put new systems in place, find staff there. But I’ll figure it out, and I’ll see my family when I come back. I’m all in, Tabs. I want to figure us out. The question is, do you?”
She held his gaze, her eyes brimming with adoration as she touched the center of his chest, pressing against the charm she’d given him. “How can I not? You’re my constant.”
TAWNY WAS SURE she was existing in some sort of dream world, and at some point her hopes, and all this exquisite love she was feeling, would implode and she’d be blown to smithereens. She and Carson had lunch at a cozy restaurant and spent the day knocking around Greenwich Village, checking out cool shops and people watching. He’d wanted to know all about her breakfast with the girls and was happy it had gone well. He was so attentive and genuinely interested, it made her even more excited about their decision to try to figure out a way to make a long-distance relationship work. She must have asked him a hundred times if he was sure he’d want to spend the majority of his time in Paris, and he hadn’t hesitated when answering. If you’re in Paris, I’m in Paris. She was excited and nervous about their plans, but she’d been searching for so long and she finally felt like she was heading in the right direction.
“Ready for your surprise?” Carson asked when they turned a corner. He patted her ass and pointed to a comic book store.
Tawny gasped. “Oh my gosh! I haven’t been to a comic book store since college.”
“Remember that comic shop near school?” he asked.
“The one where the girl hit on you every time we went in?” she asked, remembering how much she’d hated the feeling of watching the salesgirl check him out.
“She did not.”
Tawny rolled her eyes. “Even you were not that oblivious.”
As they climbed the steps to the shop he said, “We found that place a few weeks after you and I started sleeping together. Do you really believe I was thinking about some nobody behind a counter instead of the sexy, beautiful woman who was in my bed on a weekly basis?”
She stopped on the top step, with Carson one step below, bringing her closer to his height. “How did I miss so much back then?”
“I think it has something to do with all the amazing sex we were having. You couldn’t think straight. Isn’t that what you told me?” He kissed her, and the door to the shop swung open. His arm circled her waist, and he tugged her against him, allowing two people dressed in Star Trek costumes to walk past.
They walked inside, and a line of people went around the far wall, leading to a door at the back of the shop, out of which three more people dressed in costumes appeared. The store smelled like musty books and latex. Not an appealing combination. She stepped closer to Carson and buried her nose in his jacket. Mm. Much better.
“The line for costumes is against that wall,” the bearded guy behind the counter said.
“Costumes for…?” Carson asked.
The guy handed him a flyer, and Tawny quickly scanned the announcement. “There’s a science fiction festival at a hotel nearby? Did you know about this, Carson?”
“No. I just wanted to take you to a comic book store like old times.”
Her eyes lit up. “We have to go! Look, they’re showing the movie Serenity tonight.”
“Sure, but I’m not dressing up in a costume.”
“Dude, read the flyer again.” The guy behind the counter shook his head. “No costume, no entry.”
Tawny beamed at Carson, who looked like he was being asked to swallow a worm.
“Please?” She bounced on her toes and went for sultry, caressing his cheek. “You’d look hot in a costume. Any costume.”
He laughed. “Tabs, we can watch Serenity at my place.” He leaned down and whispered, “Naked.”
“As enticing as that sounds, I’ve always wanted to go to Comic Con, and I was always too shy. This is smaller, and right here. Look, it says they’re hosting new comic book designers, having a costume contest, and selling all sorts of sci-fi paraphernalia.”
His expression didn’t change.
She didn’t often try to use her feminine wiles to get her way, but how could she resist a science fiction festival in costume? She stepped in so close she could see each whisker on his chin. “I guess we found something you won’t do for me.”
“Oh, man,” the guy behind the counter uttered.
Carson cocked his head to the side, his gaze softening. “Tabs.”
His phone vibrated with a call, and he pulled it from his pocket. “Baby, I’ve got to take this. I’m sorry. Look around at the comics. I’ll just be a few minutes.” He had gotten several phone calls already. She worried she was keeping him from something important, but he’d assured her earlier that it was nothing he couldn’t handle by phone.
“Okay. I’ll get in line.” She fluttered her lashes flirtatiously and sauntered into line, hoping she could convince him to wear a costume after his call.
He gave her a narrow-eyed look that told her he wasn’t happy with her decision, but she’d had to come way out of her comfort zone to get up the courage to come to New York and see him in the first place. Now it was his turn. Besides, seeing Carson in a sexy costume would be worth listening to him complain about it.
Fifteen minutes later Tawny was nearing the front of the line and Carson was still outside. She glanced out the window and saw him pacing, the phone pressed to his ear, one hand rubbing the back of his neck. His nothing was definitely something.
Her cell phone vibrated, and she pulled it from her pocket. Smiling, she opened and read the message from Amanda. Mick said you’re coming by the office tomorrow to meet him. I can’t wait to see you again! Tawny was excited to see Amanda again, too. She sent a quick reply—Me too! And I’m excited to meet Mick, too!
Her phone vibrated again, and she read Amanda’s message. I wish you were moving here. Maybe one day?
She debated telling Amanda their plans, but she thought better of it. That was Carson’s news to break to his family. Another text bubble appeared from Amanda.
Oops, my boss is standing over my desk looking hot and sexy. I better go before I get fired. Or punished! Oh, wait…I might like that. Ha ha!
Tawny slipped her phone back into her pocket, happiness blooming inside of her.
When Carson finally joined her, she was at the head of the line. “Sorry that took so long, babe.”
“Carson, if you need to go into the office, it’s fine. We can go back. I can go through the rest of my dad’s things. I really don’t mind.”
“I’ve got it under control. I’ll swing by the office for an hour early tomorrow morning to sign off on a few things. You can sleep in and I’ll be back before you know it.”
“Are you sure? You can go in now if you need to.”
“Can y’all talk about that some other time or move aside please?” the busty blonde behind them in line asked.
“Sorry,” Tawny said, and dragged Carson to the back of the room, where there were numerous racks of costumes. Along the side of the room were several dressing rooms.
“Are we really…?” Carson asked.
“We are really.” She fingered through a rack and handed two costumes to Carson. Then she grabbed two for herself. “Let’s see if you can fit all those muscles of yours in one of those.”
He inhaled the tiny telltale breath she loved and grabbed masks from a nearby shelf, flashing a haughty grin. “If we have to do this, it’s going to be worth our while.”
“Those masks don’t go with the costumes.” She followed him into a dressing room and set the costumes on the bench. “Thank you for—”
He hauled her against him, capturing her mouth with unexpected passion, kissing her so deeply she grabbed at his chest to combat her wobbly knees. Holy moly, she needed to suggest they dress up in costumes more often! He pushed her coat off her shoulders and began kissing her neck, making her entire body hum.
“Carson,” she whispered as he devoured a meal of neck with a side of earlobe.
“Yes, beautiful?” He tugged her sweater up above her breasts and pulled the cup of her bra down, enjoying his next course.
She closed her eyes and whispered, “What’s gotten into you?”
“You, baby. Always and only you.”
He loved her breast so passionately she leaned back against the wall to remain standing.
“Carson—”
“Have you ever had sex in a dressing room?” he whispered fast and quiet as he shrugged off his coat and stripped hers off, too. He worked the button on her jeans. “Wait. Don’t answer that.”
“Of course not,” she said with a nervous laugh. Oh my God! Do I want to?
Carson kissed her neck, his hands roaming all over her body. It took only a second for her to follow his lead, and though she could hardly believe she was actually doing it, she unbuttoned his jeans as he pushed hers down, and they both stripped them off.
“Then it’s a first for both of us,” he said as they took off their underwear.
“This isn’t exactly a secure dressing room. What if we get caught?”
“Shh, baby. The door is locked.” He lifted her into his arms, holding her up like she was weightless. “If you mean no, then say it now, baby. I’ll put you down, no hard feelings. No pressure.”
“We’ll smell like sex,” she whispered.
“Yes or no, Tabby? It’s your call.”
She was wet and ready, and so nervous about getting caught she was trembling. But she’d never done anything like this, and a big part of her wanted to chase the high of doing something so risky with Carson. Only with Carson.
“Yes, Carson. Always yes.” He lowered her onto his shaft and pivoted his hips, turning her insides to liquid heat. “Ohmygod.”
“Shh,” he said gently. Using the wall for leverage, he moved at a dizzying pace, stroking over all her best spots. “Be with me, baby. Let everything else go.”
“Was this my surprise?”
He chuckled. “No. I thought we’d look through the comics. We were having so much fun, and we’ve gotten so close, I just can’t resist you.”
“Is this another one of your tests? Because—” Good Lord, you feel good. If this is a test, I want to be a straight A student. She tried to concentrate past the delicious sensations, and abandoned the idea of convincing him—or herself—that this was a bad idea.
“If we get caught,” she said halfheartedly, “I’m going to kill you.”
“It’s not a test, baby. I want you this badly, but if you keep talking we will get caught.”
He lowered his mouth to hers. The scent of sex and the undeniable aroma of secret thrills hovered around them. She clung to his shoulders, imagining people on the other side of the door sniffing the air. But she knew her olfactory senses were far better than the average person’s, and she told herself no one else would notice. She dug her fingers into his shoulders, unable to keep from greedily meeting his efforts despite her worries.
“You can’t come inside me,” she panted out. “I have wet wipes in my purse, but it’s still too messy.”
He stilled. “Where do you suggest I…?”
She licked her lips, and his eyes went volcanic. He buried his face in her shoulder.
“Christ, baby. You better come quick. Just knowing you want me in your mouth almost made me lose it.”
“Quick? I’m worried they’re going to catch us. I don’t think I can come at all. Maybe we should just take care of y—”
He slid one hand between them, teasing her most sensitive nerves and sending a tornado of ice and heat soaring through her. She slammed her eyes shut, and must have made a noise because Carson silenced her with another urgent kiss. The fear of being caught brought a whole new level of anxiety—and excitement. She felt vulnerable and alive. Her heart raced, and somehow every touch was even more exhilarating. She pushed her hands into his hair, reveling in its soft familiarity and in the trust and safety of him. He broke their kiss, whispering sweetnesses into her ear and pushing the rest of the world away. They were so connected, so utterly in sync in every way, she felt herself slipping away, and in the next second, thunderous waves of ecstasy consumed her.
Carson held her tighter, whispered roughly. “That’s my girl. I’ve got you, Tabby.”
His voice propelled her higher, and when he kissed her again, it was a kiss of promises, a safe, thankful kiss. When she went slack as a rag doll, he grabbed the base of his cock, and she knew he was on the verge of losing it. He helped her down, and he barely made it into her mouth before the first warm, salty jet hit the back of her throat. He fisted his hand in her hair, gritting his teeth through his release. It sent prickles of heat skating over her skin, making her want to come again and again. When he had nothing left to give, he lifted her to her feet and kissed her breathless.
“You almost done in there?” a man called through the door.
Tawny clung to Carson as he calmly stepped in front of her—a barrier between her and the stranger.
“Just a few more minutes,” Carson said in an authoritative voice that vibrated through her. He lifted her chin and kissed her with tenderness that defied his tone.
He was steady. Calm.
And he’d just convinced her to have sex in a public place.
Holy. Shit.