Chapter Four
CARSON HAD HOPED that having Tawny in his arms again would be enough to satiate his appetite. But when he’d woken up at five o’clock, their bodies twined together like Twizzlers, he’d been hard as steel, and the urge to have her was overwhelming. She was exhausted and had fallen asleep almost instantly in his arms. Jet lag was a bitch. He slipped from the bed and paced, debating the obvious. Be a dick, wake her, and take his fill before they had a chance to talk, or get the hell out of there and let her rest. He could still taste her sweet kisses from last night.
She made a contented sound in her sleep, jarring him from his thoughts. He adored her too much to wake her.
A five-mile run in the cold November air helped clear his head. He went up to shower and found her looking heavenly, still fast asleep in his bed. She’d moved to his side, hugging his pillow. Why did that make him smile? Her pretty strawberry-blond hair fanned out around her face. She looked as innocent and as beautiful as a porcelain doll. He stripped off his running shirt and tossed it in the hamper, skipped his shower so as not to wake her, and headed downstairs, thinking about the first time they’d landed in bed together. She’d been naive, having had only one lover before him. Every touch had been tentative, every kiss slow and careful, but it hadn’t taken long for her to give in to the passion he’d felt humming beneath her skin. Their friendship had created a bond of trust that had pulled them both into a deeper realm.
He cooked bacon and eggs and popped a few pieces of bread into the toaster. He’d just finished setting breakfast on the table when she padded downstairs, smiling sleepily, his T-shirt dwarfing her figure. His eyes trailed down her body to the taut peeks poking out against her—his—shirt. She curled her toes under one foot, turning as she trapped her lower lip between her teeth, ogling his bare chest. He knew they should talk, but rational thinking took a backseat to desire, and he opened his arms. She came to him willingly, just as she had last night when he’d plowed into her in the hallway after futilely trying to forget she was just down the hall. Whether she was there temporarily, or looking for more, he’d wanted her in his bed.
“Mm,” she said against his chest. “I got worried when I woke up alone. Then I smelled bacon and all thoughts of you went out the window.”
“Damn bacon wins out every time.” He cradled her face and touched his lips to hers, smiling at her playfulness. “If I had stayed in bed, no part of you would have been safe. I would have taken you every which way I could.”
He tried to resist, but he was no match for how she affected him. He kissed her neck, breathing in the scent of Tawny Bishop in the morning. His new favorite smell. And he didn’t stop, couldn’t stop, there. He continued kissing and nipping her warm skin. She pressed her hands to his chest, teasing her fingers over his pecs, instantly arousing him. Her tongue swept over his nipple, and he closed his eyes, reveling in the feel of her as she played his body like a fiddle.
“Why would that have been bad?” she asked in a breathy voice.
“I’m trying to remember the answer to that myself.” He pulled her forward, his hands sliding over silk panties at the same moment she sucked his nipple hard. “Fuck, Tabs. Silk…?”
He grabbed her hair and yanked her mouth away from his chest, taking her in a deep, penetrating kiss. Her mouth was made for kissing, hot, welcoming, and so damn forgiving. Carson’s control frayed with every stroke of her tongue.
“We need to talk,” he said between kisses.
“I know,” she panted out, going up on her toes and rubbing against him like a cat.
“Tabs—”
He kissed her deeply, probing her mouth as he wanted to probe her body. She made those sexy noises she’d made last night, and he lost it. He pushed his hand beneath her panties, dipping into her slick heat, and groaned. He still held her hair, keeping her titillating mouth on his as he pushed in deeper, seeking the spot that would make her cry out his name. She moaned into the kiss and thrust her hand into his running pants, fisting his cock. Fuuuck. Sounds of passion—hers and his—twined together into a chorus of desire.
“Are you on birth control?” he said. “Please tell me you’re protected.”
“Yes.”
He crashed his mouth to hers, tearing off her panties as she tugged down his pants. He kicked them away and lifted her into his arms. Her fingers dug into his shoulders as her tight heat swallowed every inch of his shaft. They both stilled, fire burning in her eyes.
You’re mine, Tabs. You’ll always be mine, was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t say the words. Something in his gaze must have given his emotions away, because the fire in her eyes turned to something much deeper he was afraid to name.
“Give me your mouth,” he growled.
Her lips came down hungrily over his, and the sounds of their urgent lovemaking echoed in the kitchen. She used his shoulders for leverage as he pumped his hips, holding her waist, helping her meet his demands. He stepped toward the table, clearing it with one sweep of his arm, sending dishes and breakfast crashing to the floor. Tawny laughed into their kiss, making him laugh, too. God, that laugh. He set her on the edge of the table and took one of her legs in each hand, holding them on either side of his chest as he pounded into her. She leaned back on her palms, allowing him to take her harder, deeper. With one hand, she reached behind his neck and pulled him into a kiss. She was still so flexible it blew his mind.
“Harder,” she pleaded against his mouth.
That’s my girl. He released her legs, and she wound them around his waist. He grabbed her hips, holding her so hard he’d probably leave bruises as he slammed into her, wanting to brand her from the inside out, to feel all the heat he’d missed for too long. He sped up his efforts until she was crying out with each thrust.
“Tighter,” he commanded, and felt her thighs and sex clench. He brought one hand between her legs, knowing just how to take her over the edge.
“Oh God, Carson—”
“Mouth,” he said, his hands too occupied to grab her head and pull her forward.
Her mouth captured his, and her hands clawed up his neck, into his hair, digging into his skin. He tugged her tighter against him, her thighs squeezing his waist as he quickened his pace. She cried out, and he swallowed her pleas as her body quaked, pulsing hot and tight around his cock, taking him higher and higher, until pure, explosive pleasure tore through him. She rose off the table when she was midorgasm. Her arms circled his neck, her sex squeezing mind-blowingly tighter, and when her magnificent mouth claimed his, she took his orgasm from perfect to exquisite. The room spun, and their bodies were slick with sweat, as they kissed and bucked to the clouds and back.
“Christ, babe,” he panted out.
He stumbled away from the broken dishes and sank down to the floor, holding her in his lap and trying to wrap his head around the emotions surging through him. He kissed her cheeks, her forehead, ran his fingers through her hair, massaging her scalp. He rubbed her hips with both hands. She was flexible, but damn, that angle had to hurt. She nuzzled against his neck, her body limp and sated, sweet mewing sounds of gratification filling his ears.
“Carson,” she whispered.
When she said his name like that, full of passion, it made his heart beat a little stronger. “Yeah?”
“I miss this kind of talking with you.”
He lifted her chin, drowning in the pool of emotion in her eyes, both of them smiling.
“I miss being inside you, too. Talking, fucking, loving, laughing.” He lowered his mouth to hers, kissing her adoringly, the way he couldn’t resist kissing her all those years ago—and then he took that kiss deeper, kissing her the way he needed to now, with too much love for her to miss.
When their lips parted, she placed her finger over his. “Wow,” she whispered. “Your kisses.” Her eyes swept over the broken dishes and scattered food on the floor. “So much for self-control.” She stretched as far as she could, snagged a piece of bacon that was teetering on the edge of a napkin, and arched a brow.
“Sustenance,” he said. “You’re going to need your energy for later.”
“A promise I’m looking forward to you keeping.”
She stuck one end of the bacon in his mouth, taking the other end in hers, both of them laughing as they ate their way to a delicious bacon kiss that went on and on.
“I need to shower,” she said sweetly.
“Is that an invitation?”
She traced his collarbone with her fingers. “Are you still willing to go with me today to go through my dad’s stuff?”
“I never back down on my word, especially to you.”
“Then no, it’s not an invitation.”
He bit her shoulder, earning a sharp gasp as she climbed from his lap and pulled him to his feet.
“No?” he challenged.
“Look at us.” Her smile lit up her eyes. “You’re buck naked, I’ve got you dripping out of me, and the kitchen looks like you’ve been ransacked, when really we’re just sex maniacs—”
He hauled her against him and nibbled on her neck. “Your point?”
“Lord, I love that,” she said breathlessly. “Wait. Stop.” She pushed at him, wiggling out of his arms. “We have zero self-control. If we shower together, we’re going to end up getting down and dirty, and then we won’t go to the storage unit. We won’t leave your house for the whole time I’m here, and now that I’m thinking about my dad’s stuff again, I kind of want to get it over with.”
He turned her by the shoulders and smacked her ass. “Get out of here and shower before I decide to show you what you can do with your rational thinking.”
She glanced over her shoulder with a challenge in her eyes. “Like that’s going to make me want to leave this room any faster?”
He took a step toward her, loving when she taunted him. She squealed, and ran for the stairs looking so fucking cute he could barely stand it. Stifling his laughter, he followed her to the bottom of the steps and hollered up after her, “Don’t make innuendos you don’t intend to keep.”
She hung over the railing on the landing above, smiling down at him. “Did you want to talk some more?” With a sultry look, she stripped off his shirt and tossed it down the stairs before sauntering off, naked, toward her room.
TAWNY WAS EDGY when they arrived at the storage building. She wished she’d taken Carson up on the joint shower to keep her mind off the task they were there to accomplish. Her mind swam with worries about what she might find among her father’s things and how she’d feel when she saw them. There were so many storage units. What did people store there? Things that weren’t worthy of remaining in their basements or attics? Or was the majority of the building filled with mementos of people who had passed away?
She reached for Carson’s hand as he unlocked the unit. He shrugged her off and tugged her against him. It was ironic how one man could open doors that had once scared the hell out of her, while at the same time the man could be her safe haven.
He glanced down at her with a silent question in his eyes, Are you ready? She filled her lungs with the scent of years gone by and nodded, though she didn’t know if she’d ever truly be ready to go through her father’s belongings.
Carson tightened his grip on her and lifted the door. The scrape of metal on metal grated on her already frayed nerves. His hand moved from her waist to her cheek, and he pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
“Several boxes, a file cabinet, and a leather recliner,” Carson said stoically. “What do you want to do first? Take it in the ass as you bend over the boxes, or straddle me on the chair? Or maybe I’ll sit in the chair and you can stand on the arms of it while I devour you.”
She gave him her best deadpan look, and they both laughed. “Thank you. I needed that.”
“Oh, you think I was kidding?” He gave her a chaste kiss. “Yeah, you’re right. I probably was. But now that I’m thinking about your pretty little treasure above me—”
Her cheeks flamed. “Carson! They have cameras all over this place. They can probably hear everything you say.”
He looked up and down the hall, a wicked grin spreading across his handsome face. “Let it be known,” he announced loudly, “that I’d like to eat this woman until she screams my name so loud, the people in the next building will want my phone number.”
She grabbed him by the collar and yanked him down until they were eye to eye. “Who are you, and where is my conservative-when-in-public friend?”
“He’s too fucking happy that you’re here with him to hold it in.”
His mouth came coaxingly down over hers, kissing her until her legs turned to jelly and the rest of her body tingled with desire.
He drew back and brushed his thumb over her cheek. “I handle security for this place. Nobody’s listening unless there’s an issue and they need to revisit the videos.” The edge of his mouth tipped up in a cocky smile. “Do you really think I’d share anything I do to you with anyone else?”
“No. But I do think you’d do all those things to me in this storage unit if you thought it would make it easier for me to handle going through my father’s things.” She went up on her toes and kissed him again, loving the freedom to do so. How did they get here overnight? Where kissing him like he was hers came so easily? She didn’t know how, or why, they’d drawn those lines of secrecy in college about their relationship, and she’d never really questioned it back then. She’d liked the secrecy. It had been safe. Unfortunately, she had a feeling it had also increased the shame she’d felt about the things they did. But now wasn’t the time to bring that up.
“Anything for you, baby.” He not-so-discreetly adjusted his erection, and she giggled.
He scowled and trapped her against the wall, angling his body, blocking her from the camera. He pushed his hand into her jeans, sliding expertly over to her wetness like a heat-seeking missile. A gratified smile formed on his face. “It sure feels like you were just as affected as I was.”
He thrust his fingers into her and she went up on her toes, giving him better access.
“Carson,” she pleaded. Taking advantage, she groped him through his jeans.
He made a growling sound in the back of his throat, fiercely reclaiming her mouth, thrusting his tongue to the same rhythm as his fingers, taking her right up to the verge of madness. She focused on the enthralling tug in her belly, willing it to consume her. He grabbed the wrist of the hand she was taunting him with and held it above her head, grinding his cock against her as he continued his machinations beneath her panties. Her sex swelled around him. He pressed his thumb against her clit, kissing her harder. Bright lights exploded behind her closed lids as waves of ecstasy crashed over her. He continued his masterful torture through the very last of her climax, her body quaking against his hard frame.
When she finally came down from the peak he released her wrist and laced his fingers with hers, lowering her arm to beside her head and kissing her softly. She gasped as his fingers passed over her sensitive nerves. He brought them to his mouth and sucked them clean. Then he pulled her into his arms, rubbing the shoulder of the arm he’d held above her head.
“Now you should be a little less nervous,” he said into her ear.
An aftershock trembled through her. “If you could bottle yourself, you’d be a millionaire. One dose can turn a woman inside out and calm her down.”
“Babe, I passed millionaire a long time ago.” He patted her ass. “Let’s not forget, I don’t share—bottled or otherwise. Got it?”
Oh yeah, she got it all right. She got it good.
A FEW HOURS later they’d gone through all but two of the boxes. It hadn’t been as difficult as she’d expected, and she was sure it was because Carson was with her. He lightened the mood as they sifted through the things her father had thought worthy of keeping, like her science fair awards, report cards, pictures of her grandparents, and a mug she’d given him when she was a senior in high school. The mug had a picture of a chicken wearing glasses, sitting at a desk reading. A thought bubble above the chicken’s head read, “When you don’t know the answer, question the question.” She remembered giving it to him for one of his birthdays, and he’d thrown the saying back at her throughout the years, just about every time she didn’t know an answer. She missed him immensely and was glad Carson had offered to come with her.
She glanced down the hall where he was pacing, his cell phone pressed to his ear as he talked to Brett. Tawny stood by the window looking out over the city, thinking about how her father had led her back to Carson. She touched her forehead to the cold glass and closed her eyes, listening to the muffled cadence of Carson’s voice. A few minutes later she heard his footsteps approaching. His arms circled her waist, and he kissed her neck, loosening the knots in her stomach.
“Are you holding up okay?”
“Mm-hm.” She thought about the two remaining boxes, and trepidation swept through her. One was still sealed from when she’d packed it up after college, and the other had her mother’s name written across the top in her father’s messy handwriting.
Carson turned her in his arms. “You’re nervous again.”
He pulled down the collar of her sweater and kissed her shoulder. He was right there for her, soothing every emotionally jagged edge.
“A little,” she admitted.
“We could take the last two boxes back to my place and you can go through them in private,” he suggested.
“I’d like that. Besides, you probably have things to do while I’m here.”
“I’ll call Barton and have him pick them up. But as far as having something else to do, you’ve been out of my life for far too long. I’ve only got a few days with you, and I intend for us to spend every minute of them together. Brett agreed to handle things at the office.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want you to miss work or change your plans because of me.”
“I’m positive, and we’re going to start by getting out of here and doing things we never did together. Silly shit, because I want to hear you laugh.”
“You always make me laugh.”
“We’ve got a lot of years of laughter to make up for. Brett mentioned that my brothers are getting together to watch the football game tomorrow night at Dylan’s.” He pulled her in closer. “Since you blew me off nearly every time I asked you out in college, I figured we could meet up with them, unless you’d rather not.”
“First, yes. I’d love to meet the rest of your brothers since I’ve only met Brett. And second…blew you off? You never asked me out.”
“Seriously?” He looked at her like she was crazy. “You don’t remember me suggesting we go to parties, or go out with a group of people? Or every damn Thursday night when I said we should grab dinner over the weekend?”
“Pfft. You never meant it like you’re implying.”
He stepped back with an appalled expression. “What’s wrong with you? I meant it exactly like I am implying.”
“Carson…?” She shook her head. He couldn’t have meant it that way. Could she have misread his intent? “You had dates every weekend. Those were your hookup nights, and don’t try to tell me they weren’t.”
His eyes narrowed, and his expression turned serious again. “I never dated. You know that.”
“Whatever. Dated. Hooked up. Fucked. Whatever words you want to use, you were busy.” Why did it still sting to think about that? “Before we ever started sleeping together, you told me that you could never be with just one woman. Don’t you remember that?”
He ground his teeth together, pacing again. “Christ, Tawny. That was before we got together, when I thought my sexual needs would lead me astray. But then you happened, and everything changed. I didn’t need anyone else. I would have turned them all away from day one for you, but you made it perfectly clear that you didn’t want that with me.”
She froze. “I…I don’t remember it that way.” Holy cow. Had she really led him to believe that?
He closed the distance between them. “You don’t remember me telling you that none of those girls meant anything?”
“Sure, but—”
“You don’t remember me telling you on Sunday nights, after we started sleeping together, that no one else existed in my head but you?”
She swallowed hard. “I thought that was just, you know, sex talk.”
“I don’t do ‘just, you know, sex talk.’ Those other girls didn’t get that. They got nothing but cold, mechanical sex.”
She laughed. “Now you’re pushing it. You don’t do cold, mechanical sex.”
“Did you even know me at all back then?” He turned away, rubbing the back of his neck. Each frustrated movement drove her anxiety higher. When he faced her again, his eyes drilled into her. “I didn’t have cold, mechanical sex with you. But with them?” He pointed out the window, his arm rigid, his jaw tense. “With any other women before we got together, or since? None of them got, or will ever have, what I shared with you. Ever.”
All the starch left her body, and she slumped against the wall, too confused and upset to think straight. “But…you always said that what we did together is who you are.”
“And?” he said angrily.
“And…I don’t understand, Carson. If that’s true, then how could you not be like that with other girls?”
He stalked over, boxing her in with his hands on the windowsill. He leaned down, meeting her eye to eye. “I have never lied to you, or tried to pretend I was something I wasn’t. You know that. What we do together is who I am. The real me. Only you got the real me, Tawny. No one else.”
“Okay,” she said, still feeling blindsided by his confession of having wanted more with her.
He held her gaze, a flurry of conflicting emotions written in the tension around his mouth and the warmth in his eyes. “I always wanted more of you, but I respected you too much to push. And I was too proud to chase or beg, or whatever I would have had to do. I fucked all those women before you because I was a horny kid, and I stopped sleeping with them when we started sleeping together. But the hell with it, Tawny. I’ll chase now. I’ll chase you.”
Tears welled in her eyes. He’d stopped sleeping with the other girls? Wasn’t that what she’d always wanted? The answer was too confusing for her, because of how conflicted she’d been about the things they’d done together all those years ago. Would she have been as conflicted if they hadn’t hidden their relationship? As she looked into his honest eyes, she realized that what she would have done back then didn’t matter. All that mattered was what she felt for him now.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “If you did ask me out and I blew you off, then maybe I didn’t want to see it because I was afraid of other people somehow knowing what we were doing behind closed doors. I never even talked about sex with friends. I wasn’t like you. I was never good in crowds. How do you think I would have been if someone found out and…I don’t know…made a joke about it?”
“I never would have let that happen. I knew how careful and shy you were. Didn’t you know that?”
She shrugged. “I was so confused back then…”
He uttered a curse and pulled her into his arms. “Damn it. We were young and oblivious to what mattered. I didn’t even realize how deeply I cared for you until years later, when I was still comparing every woman I met to you, which is also messed up, because you broke me when you ended things because of a goddamn woman who meant nothing to me. I used to get through the week knowing that Sunday nights I’d have you in my arms again, like the payoff for behaving while we studied together. When you took that away because of some nobody I’d slept with two years earlier, it didn’t erase my feelings. It just fucking hurt. You took a piece of me with you when we went back to being friends.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” A tear slipped down her cheek with the memory of that night, of Carson offering the same explanation to her, but she’d been too overwhelmed and upset to listen. She had to make things right. If they had any chance of putting their missing pieces back together, she had to tell him the whole truth.
“That wasn’t the reason,” she said just above a whisper.
“What?” Confusion and anger stared back at her.
“I didn’t end things because of that girl,” she clarified.
“But—”
“I mean, that’s what I said, but that wasn’t the real reason. It was the easiest way out.” She stared at his chest to keep from looking into his eyes while she revealed her shameful secret. “I was scared of who I was becoming. I was ashamed that we had this secret, which felt taboo and thrilling. It completely overwhelmed me. I couldn’t even look at you without wanting to do dirty things together. It was too much. I felt like a sex addict but with these all-consuming emotions toward you.” She spoke as fast as she could, unable to believe she was baring her soul after all these years, but he deserved the truth, and she wanted to finally say it out loud. “I couldn’t pay attention in class, or when we studied together. And when I thought you were out with other girls? I nearly lost my mind. I was out of control. I—”
He tipped her chin up, forcing her to look into his compassionate eyes, bringing another onslaught of emotions.
“Jesus, Tabs. How could you keep that from me?”
“What was I supposed to say? ‘Guess what, Carson? You know all those things I love doing with you? They make me feel like I’ve become an out-of-control pervert.’”
“Holy Christ,” he seethed. “Is that what you think of us?”
“No!” She squeezed her eyes shut to stave off tears, and when she opened them, he was staring into her eyes. The man was not afraid of anything.
“Tawny, why are you here? Why did you come back if you feel that way?”
“Because I don’t feel that way anymore.” She swiped at her tears, and he took a step back, a skeptical look hovering in his eyes. “I haven’t for a very long time. I married Keith because he was safe. He would never sleep with anyone else, or ask me to do anything even the least bit creative in the bedroom.”
“I wasn’t sleeping with anyone else.” He crossed his arms over his chest, his biceps twitching.
“I know that now.”
“What does that have to do with how you feel about what we did? Or why you’re here now?”
“Because,” she said too loudly, but she was unable to quiet the monsters she was finally setting free. “Don’t you get it? I spent all those years with Keith trying to change who I was. I thought if I married someone safe, those urges that were so overpowering would go away, but they never did. I spent my marriage wishing I could feel more, love harder. Keith and I were like good friends and roommates who happened to sleep together, but it was nothing like what I’d experienced with you, even as a friend, without the sexual benefits. Even before you and I were sleeping together you were my everything, Carson. I felt lucky to have you as my best friend. There was no passion with Keith, nothing that made my heart pound.”
She paced, trying to get her thoughts out as clearly as she could. “I bought sexy lingerie and made comments about heating things up in the bedroom, but that wasn’t him, and I can’t blame him for that. It was me who had the issue. You opened a door and I tried to force it closed, but it wouldn’t close. It wouldn’t close because I realized that what I missed, what I craved, has always been more than just passionate sex. It was you. You were always there in our bedroom, in my head, and Keith knew it. He knew I never stopped wanting you. I’m here because I’ve hit a wall, Carson. I can’t move forward with my life. I’m stuck in this place with you in my head and in my heart, and I don’t know if it’s real or what to make of it. I have to get some perspective about us and what all these feelings mean. And before you say anything, I’ve grown up, Carson. I’m not that naive, introverted girl anymore. I know what we were doing wasn’t wrong. And honestly, if it was, I don’t care, because in the years since I ended things with you, I’ve felt even more out of control than I did before I ended it. Until now.”
Relief washed over his face, followed by something more conflicted.
“I won’t lie to you,” she promised. “I’m still confused about things, but not about what we did together or my feelings about us. I’m just confused about where that fits in.”
“Fits in with who? Or what?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I am still naive in some ways. Does what we do have a name?” She tucked her hair behind her ear and focused on a vein in his arm as she spoke, concentrating on that so she didn’t chicken out. “I went to one of those private BDSM clubs after I was divorced, right before I moved to Paris, to see if I could feel all those things I felt with you again. But it was all wrong. It felt dirty or something. Not dirty. I mean, I’m not judging those people. I know it’s me that’s messed up. I didn’t even know how to do what they wanted me to do right. I felt like someone had poured pepper in a high-end fragrance, and I was the pepper. It was a terrible experience.”
“Christ almighty,” he uttered. “Look at me, Tabs,” he said a little softer.
She met his gaze, expecting to see disappointment, or a look of repulsion, but the compassion in his eyes nearly brought her to her knees. He closed the distance between them again, and she ached to be in his arms.
“I wish you had talked to me. I hate that you went to that type of place looking to fill a void you never should have had.” He clenched his teeth, and the muscles in his jaw bulged, but she sensed he wasn’t angry with her. “You’re not messed up, baby. I went through all those conflicted feelings before we got together. I could have helped you through it. I would have understood, and maybe then I could have convinced you to be with me more than just Sunday nights.”
A tear slipped down her cheek. “I never knew you wanted that.”
“I know. Damn it, if I had pushed, then we wouldn’t have kept our relationship a secret, and maybe you would have felt differently.” He scrubbed a hand over his jaw. “We can’t change how we communicated back then, but we can change how we communicate starting right now. If you need to label what we did, call it making love our way. You didn’t like that club because you are no more a submissive than I am a dom. We do what we feel, when we feel like it. There are no rules between us, no expectations, no right or wrong. Well, other than I will not share you.” His lips curved up in a sexy smile, and she couldn’t help but return it with a smile of her own.
“You shared yourself in college,” she reminded him.
“I was a stupid kid, and that ended when we were together. I no longer make mistakes with my body.” He brushed her tears away. “I promise you that if we’re together, I will never touch another woman. But you have to make me a promise—”
“I’d never hook up with someone else.” Her voice cracked, and she paused to try to gain control.
“I know you won’t. That’s not what I was going to say.” The commanding look she knew so well returned, and when he spoke, his voice held the steel pierce of a demand. “If at any point you feel even an inkling of what you felt back then, you need to tell me right away. You can always talk to me.”
Part of her was upset that they’d lost so many years together, while another part—a bigger part—thought she’d needed that time to grow up and figure out who she really was. But she still couldn’t help wondering if she would have been happier figuring that out with Carson by her side.
“I know I can. I think I’ve always known that, but I was too…I don’t know…consumed by it all? What I feel for you was—is—overwhelming.”
His gaze softened, and his tone followed. “Are you scared now?”
She could no sooner withhold the truth from him than she could hide it from herself. “Yes and no.”
He took both of her hands in his, rubbing his thumbs over them, comforting her in ways only he knew how. That simple motion, those little touches, his thumbs soothing over her hands, or when he cradled her face and brushed his thumbs over her cheeks, were the things he used to do when they were friends, before they became lovers. She’d fallen in love with him then, over sci-fi movies and Junior Mints, pizzas and textbooks, before they’d even shared a first kiss. Those things would always bring her back to the very soul of their relationship.
“Me too,” he said. “But you’re here now, and as long as you don’t shut me out, we can figure it out together.”