“You mind if I borrow him for a sec?” RJ asked Lilly as his eyes cut my way.
“Sure. I’ll just wait right here for Addie to finish her call,” Lilly replied and looked at me. I nodded and squeezed her hand, letting her know it was okay.
I actually wondered when we would have this conversation.
RJ moved to the side, just out of earshot. He rubbed the back of his neck and said, “Hey, look, man.” He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry for acting like an ass. Our girl there”—he snuck a glance over at Lilly and his wife—“she tell you her story?”
“She has.” I remained indifferent.
“So, you know the hell she’s been through?”
“I do.” I nodded once.
He tilted his face to the side and blew out a slow breath. I had a really good hunch at what he was trying to get at, but I knew better than to interrupt.
“Lilly means a lot to us—Addie and me. Tyler . . .” He swallowed hard. “Ty was my best friend.” I nodded, hoping he would just say what he needed to say. This conversation was growing uncomfortable and quick.
I snuck a quick glance over at Lilly and I could see the worry in her eyes. I smiled, reassuring her before turning back to look at RJ.
“No disrespect—I’m just going to say it—don’t fucking hurt her.” He held his eyes fixed on mine. His choice of words didn’t even faze me. In fact, I expected it.
“I have no intention of hurting her. She means a great deal to me, so much that . . .” I stopped myself. I didn’t owe him anymore of an explanation. My word should be good enough.
“It’s just . . . I promised Ty I would always look after her. Make sure she was okay. Before he left, he told me to make sure she found someone. After she grieved, to make sure she wasn’t alone. This is fucking awkward—”
“Just say it.”
He nodded. “I see the way you look at her, the light in her eyes and the smile on her face when she looks back at you. What I’m trying to get at is . . . please just make sure that whatever you do, you think of her. If whatever the two of you have gets serious and then goes south, she might not survive it a second time around.”
“First off, I respect you for having Lilly’s back. I appreciate it, actually. And there is nothing I would do to intentionally hurt that woman. I love—”
He held his hand up, signaling he was satisfied, and I didn’t have to say more. Addie walked back to Lilly’s side, and he clapped my back before we both turned to head back to the girls.
Addie smiled and turned to her husband. “Babe. That was my mom on the phone. Ethan is running a fever and Mason is throwing up. I think we should head home.”
“Of course,” he replied.
“Everything okay with you two?” Lilly asked, and both RJ and I nodded.
RJ shook my hand and thanked me for allowing him the chance to say his peace, and I was glad he did.
“Hey, man, appreciate you listening.”
“Don’t even sweat it. I totally understand.”
“Cool.” He fist bumped me, gave Lilly one last hug, and wrapped his wife in his arms.
My eyes remained glued on RJ’s retreating back as he walked off with his wife in his arms. My mind shifted back to minutes ago, seeing Lilly, together with them and how they welcomed one another. Their exchange left a dull ache in my chest and me missing my little brother, my mom, and the few friends I had back in New York.
The hugs and the hushed words were a little hard to deal with from where I stood. I wanted to be included in every part of Lilly’s life, and it seemed as though I wasn’t. Not yet, at least.
What really made me feel like an outsider was RJ. The way he pulled her in and how she walked so easily into his arms. The same way he comforted her the night in the sports bar rekindled my spark of jealously.
Deep down, I knew I shouldn’t be worried, but the man in me refused to shake it.
That was until I caught the look in his eyes when he looked at his wife. The look that said there would never be another woman for him. He was a devoted husband who adored the woman standing next to him. I knew this only because that was the way I saw Lilly each and every time she stepped into a room.
“So, what was that all about?” Lilly asked, gazing up at me.
I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her into my side. “He just wanted to make sure I understood that if I hurt you I would probably get punched.”
“You mean, he was being a caveman, but the two of you hashed it out?” She laughed.
“Yeah, something like that. Did you want to grab something to eat?”
“Sure.”
“Is there anything in particular you’re hungry for?”
She shrugged and made that cute little face where her nose scrunched and her lips twisted to the side, telling me she was undecided.
“Sunshine.”
“Hmmm.”
“Are you spending the night?” Dragging the tip of my nose across her cheek and down to her lips, I hovered, waiting for her answer.
“What if . . . you spent the night at my place?”
I leaned back just enough to get a good look, searching her eyes for any signs of hesitation. When I didn’t find any, I continued, “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure,” she whispered, and I settled my lips against hers, overjoyed that we just made progress. This would be the first time Lilly had invited me to her place, and I wasn’t about to give her another chance to change her mind.
I took her hand and kissed the back, leading her deeper into the food area. There were so many choices and I had no idea where to start. There was something to savor every palate, including Lilly’s picky one.
“Ooh, look. They have tacos. I wonder if they’re as good as yours or maybe even better,” she teased, poking her finger into my side.
“I didn’t hear you complaining that night while you stuffed your face.”
“I was not stuffing my face.” She exaggerated her defense.
“Uh-huh. Keep telling yourself that, Sunshine. I had a front-row seat to that hot and spicy mess.”
She raised an eyebrow and twisted her lips, and I couldn’t help turning away for a brief second, chuckling.
“What are you talking about, hot mess?” She pouted and popped her hip. “I was there and would have to strongly disagree.”
“You’re too cute when you’re pouting, come on.”
We continued through the masses, passing each booth and oddly, nothing stood out or seemed all that appetizing.
“What do you think about getting some frozen yogurt first? I’m not all that hungry and it’s hot as hell out here.” She pulled the hair tie from her wrist and tied her hair back in a tiny ponytail.
With her entire neck on view, my eyes appraised the delicate skin and temptation almost knocked me on my ass. A sudden, and strong urge to bite and suck—to taste her, barreled into me and I found it interesting how I seemed to always be easily aroused by this woman.
“Dessert first. I like how you think.” I winked.
She laughed, blatantly shaking her head, although she was partially to blame for making me feel like I was constantly walking through a thick layer of fog and lust. I winced quietly, hoping my jeans wouldn’t get any more uncomfortable.
“There’s an even better dessert, but that’s for a little later,” she whispered, sealing her promise with a wink.
Why didn’t we just stay in tonight?
“Did you want to keep looking around?” Easton asked.
“Sure.”
We shared a few more spoonfuls of frozen yogurt before Easton took my cup and tossed both in the trash. His protective hand came to settle at the small of my back, leading us along the path where numerous military organizations were selling memorabilia.
I offered a smile to each person as we passed, not really wanting to stop. I didn’t think I had it in me to browse through the items as if I was actually interested—I couldn’t. My sole reason and focus for being here was to honor the memory of the men who selflessly sacrificed their lives to defend our nation’s freedom—my husband included.
Had Tyler still been alive, things might be different. But in my current position, and meaning no disrespect, I didn’t want anything tangible associated with the military. No more souvenirs or keepsakes to remind me of all that I had lost—God only knows I had enough to spare me a lifetime. I was working on moving forward—for him.
Moving along, I was drawn toward a booth where six or seven women and a hand full of children, all dressed in red had congregated. They were smiling and chit-chatting and a weak blend of emotions I refused to put a label on stirred within me. It was then I envied what those women had—support, friendship, each other.
We approached the table, and I browsed the stacks of brochures they had laid out. That was when it dawned on me why they were all dressed in red. Today was Red Friday. It had been some time since I participated in the weekly reminder—a very important reminder to remember everyone deployed.
After Tyler died, I shut out as much as was humanly possible. Especially the few military wives I had become friends with back in Lakeland. It was the only way I endured the heartbreak and every other mixture of emotions I went through. The less that was available to remind me, the better off I thought I’d be.
Now, standing there with it all in front of me, I felt as if my entire being had shifted—again.
The sign at the end of the table displayed the organizations name, and how they provided educational scholarships to spouses and children of American fallen and disabled service members.
As I held the brochure in my hand, I picked my brain for why I had never heard of their program, a program definitely worth supporting.
Out of nowhere, the reminder text and the conversation I had with my sister earlier in the day came forth, begging me to let Easton in and tell him the truth.
Not sure how to face my most recent fears, I shoved the reminder away, blinked back the surge of tears, and swallowed hard. Watching the camaraderie between these women, their masks of despair stripped all because they had each other to lean on. I hated that a spark of jealousy punched me in the chest. I couldn’t believe just how much I had isolated myself.
Aware of my sudden change in demeanor, Easton caressed the back of my neck and whispered close to my ear, “Are you okay?” Hearing the concern in his voice touched me somewhere deep. His patience, an endearing trait of his I loved. He knew when something held the potential to throw me off balance.
“I’m okay. Thank you.” I tucked the brochure in my purse. Promising myself to look it over later and see if there was anything I could do to help.
Easton slipped his hand in mine and looked at me, asking with his eyes if our simple show of affection was okay. It didn’t matter that we were overly affectionate just minutes ago, this gesture was completely different.
A woman said hello and I snuck a quick glance to her name tag. I met Kate’s soft brown eyes and she offered me a gentle smile. I reciprocated politely.
“Do you have a loved one in the military?”
Normally, I would’ve clammed up and shut down hearing that question, but oddly I felt an instant sense of calm. Something told me she, too, might have firsthand experience with losing a loved one and knew exactly what it felt like to live with that missing piece of your heart.
“I did,” I answered and had to glance away. Easton squeezed my hand. If he felt uncomfortable at all, he didn’t show it, he never did.
I leaned into him and a wave of tears surged, not giving me a chance to force them back.
“My husband was a pilot in the Air Force.”
The expression on Kate’s face softened, and she took my hand in hers, offering me her sincere condolences, “I’m very sorry for your loss.”
I always struggled with accepting that response.
“Thank you.”
Would there ever come a time when I wouldn’t be so affected, by reliving the fact that Tyler was no longer living? Would I ever hear someone offer their condolences and automatically accept their words, and answer with a soft smile, appreciative of their kindness? Would it ever get easier?
That’s all up to you, baby. It’s all up to you.
An unexpected chuckle bubbled inside me at the sound of Ty’s voice in my head, stating a very valid point. Easton shifted to stand behind me at the same time the sound of a baby happily squealing caught my ear and my sights. What really drew my attention was the beautiful Latina woman holding the young child.
The woman looked to be in her early thirties and had that perfect shade of caramel-colored skin, dark brown eyes, and jet-black hair. Exquisitely beautiful, the kind of women every woman could only dream of looking like. My eyes shifted to the smiling baby perched on her hip.
A sliver of envy passed through me, wanting that life, but angry that Ty left me before I ever got a chance to live it. When our eyes met, I refused to allow the negative feelings to fester inside me. I would not be responsible for putting out negative energy, more toward a woman I had never met. The woman smiled and there was something in her eyes I couldn’t place. A sense of familiarity, it was if we had met and couldn’t quite figure out where.
“Lilly?” Someone called my name, and when my eyes cut to the right, Angela, one of the military wives I had been friends with pulled me in for an awkward hug. “I haven’t seen you around, how are you?” she asked, and my eyes darted back to the woman holding the baby.
“I’m doing okay. Moved back home recently. What are you doing here?” I took a small step back.
“Kate needed a few more hands and asked if I could help.” She studied me for a split second. “You look good. How’s the family? How’s Tyler’s family doing?”
“Lilly? Lilly Gibson?” the woman holding the baby asked, approaching the table.
Reaching back, my hand gripped Easton’s thigh, desperate for his touch and to remind myself he was still there with me. The soft, almost sympathetic look in her eyes told me she recognized me—but how?
My teeth clenched tight, and I couldn’t help but let my mind drift off to that place. Where I became dizzy with all sorts of messed up, irrational notions of Tyler and the life he might have hid from me.
Closing my hand into a death grip, I held on to Easton’s thigh, hoping to stabilize myself. I concentrated on the slow calming circles he rubbed at the small of my back and when the only thing that separated me from the beautiful woman, was the three-foot width of the table, I forced a deep breath in through my nose.
“Lilly?” the woman repeated, and my heart thumped.
I swallowed hard and nodded, confused as to whom this woman might be.
“I’m so glad we finally get to meet. I’ve heard so much about you.”
My eyes narrowed and my head tilted to the side, silently questioning this woman as to how she knew me. It didn’t take much for her to figure out that I had no idea who she might be.
“I’m sorry.” She shook her head and smiled. “I feel like we’ve already met. Tyler shared so much about you with me.”
Tyler? What does this woman have to do with, Tyler?
Tyler Ethan Gibson, if you slept with this woman, and those are your children. So help me, God . . .
Slipping into self-preservation mode, my body went rigid. My fight or flight instincts kicked in and thank God for Easton and his comfort. His hand moved to my shoulder, and he squeezed gently. What the hell is going on?
“Sunshine,” he whispered, but I couldn’t answer. My eyes were glued to the beautiful, glowing woman standing just a table’s width apart and the potential to possibly ruin me. “Talk to me.”
I couldn’t. Not until I learned this woman’s identity and what she had to gain by making it known that she knew who I was.
I stood stock still, my expression tight while I searched her eyes for any kind of sign. Then my eyes dropped to the little girl on her hip. “¡Dios Mío! Nononono.” Her accent was thick. “No.” Her eyes pleaded with me as she touched my forearm. “I’m Helena Casales. My husband Joseph and Tyler were very good friends.”
Helena Casales. Joseph. Casales.
I ran the names through my mind. Once I realized who this woman was, an audible sigh of relief ripped past my lips. My entire body slacked and I was grateful again for Easton and his support. How could I have ever thought that Tyler might have been involved with another woman?
Humiliation crept its way in. I hated myself and the ability of the human mind for instantly creating such deprecating thoughts.
Easton gently rubbed both my shoulders and kissed the back of my head when another jolt of fear barreled through me.
We locked eyes. and I silently pleaded with her not to speak of the elephant hanging over my head. Not yet, not when I still needed to tell Easton. With bated breath, I managed a small smile. “I’m sorry,” I apologized, ashamed for thinking the worse. Here I was blindly nailing this innocent woman to the cross, and according to Tyler she was a kind woman willing to help. “It’s nice to finally meet you,” I added, hoping to ease the blow of where my thoughts had wandered to seconds ago.
“No apologies necessary, and it’s nice to meet you, too.” Her expression visibly relaxed, and she cuddled her baby closer to her chest.
“Number three?” I asked, remembering what Tyler had written about her and her husband wanting a large family.
She nodded and smiled.
“Would you like to hold her?” she asked and before I could say no, the little girl leaned out of her mother’s arms and reached for me, smiling a toothless smile.
“Hey, sweetheart,” I cooed as I held her in my arms. “What’s your name?”
“This is Marisol. She’s the baby”—she rubbed her nonexistent belly—“at least until this one arrives.”
“Congratulations.”
“Thank you.”
“Hi, Marisol. You’re such a pretty little girl,” I spoke to her in that weird voice adults made when talking to a baby.
I looked around, taking in all my surroundings and how it all resembled something to do with the military. The thought of Tyler flooded my mind and soon after, it became hard to breathe.
I concentrated on the white noise droning around us and Easton next to me. For the life of me, nothing else came to mind; I was drawing blanks. And this was neither the time, nor the place to ask Helena any of “those” questions.
Staring vacantly at the woman I knew next to nothing about, other than what Tyler had mentioned, intimidated me. If I had initiated a phone call prior to our chance meeting, things might be different. If I had mentioned my predicament to Easton earlier in our relationship, things would definitely be different. My fears began materializing, while I remained rooted to the spot and panic settled deep in my chest. I couldn’t do this here—not now.
Needing to get out of there without causing a scene or raise suspicion, I managed a full smile and carefully handed Marisol back to her mother. I inhaled a deep breath, stuck my hand out, and said, “Helena, it was great meeting you. Maybe I could give you a call sometime?” My eyes apologized and pleaded with her to please understand.
“Of course. You have my number?”
“I do.” I bit the inside of my cheek, holding the tears back as I thought about the letter, and nodded.
“Okay, then. Whenever you’re ready, please call.”
“Thank you.” I nodded and turned to Easton. “You ready?”
“Whenever you are,” he answered, but his eyes begged me to fill him in on what just happened. I just hoped that when I did, he was able to handle it.