I took a deep breath and wiped the sweat off my forehead.

Fuck. Too much work to do.

I didn’t mind it, if I was honest with myself, I was kind of loving it. A lot of work kept my muscles from going soft, and I wasn’t a slave to my own thoughts, either.

It just felt too much like I was trying to hide.

The whole move, making myself busy so I had no time to try and contact my parents. Not that it was an easy thing to do.

My parents were… I couldn’t say I hated them, exactly. They still raised me and took care of me, even if the standards weren’t quite up to what I would have liked. Because of them, I hated my own name. Well, it’s more because of all the teasing I got for it, but I still hated it. My name was Kenji, I knew full well it was a Japanese name, and people in school had given me shit for it. My parents, the carefree people that they were, told me not to care about other people and embrace my name. I wanted to go by Ken, but they insisted on calling me by my full name.

That made it hard for me, because it was hard to get everyone to forget my full name if my own parents spewed it everywhere.

It was a hard decision, to move to a new town, to this broken-down house that I knew I’d have to fix up. I’d bought it pretty cheap, and I had dumped almost all of my savings on it. But I wasn’t just running from my parents, I was also running from an ex.

When I met her, I thought she was the best thing ever. For a long time, I thought she was the love of my life, and I thought she felt the same. She was nice, gentle, and beautiful. She knew my real name and made fun of me a couple times, but I knew it wasn’t meant to hurt, and she called me Ken when I insisted. We’d had plans of moving in together and starting up a family, one that would be entirely different from what I was subjected to for most of my life.

But it wasn’t meant to be. Because I found out that she didn’t think the same as I did, no matter what she’d said to my face. She might have told me she wanted a family with me, but she had a pretty healthy nightlife. She said she would settle down, but she couldn’t settle down with one man. I didn’t even know how many men besides me she’d actually been with. I’d chosen to walk away instead of asking for an explanation, because her carefree attitude reminded me so much of my parents.

Ah, my parents. If it wasn’t so rude of me, I would call them the bane of my existence. They never cheated on each other, but they had other shortcomings I couldn’t help but be critical of as I grew up in a public school environment, getting to see just how different my family was from the norm.

I loved my parents, but they just never understood the real world, and they didn’t want to understand it. They were what most people would call hippies. Because of their beliefs, I was subjected to a lot of ridicule, and in my earlier years, we had to travel a lot. I didn’t know just how different my family was at first, because I didn’t join public school until my parents decided to settle when I was seven. Before that, I was homeschooled, if you could even call it that.

My parents had this make-believe world they’d built for themselves, and they were totally immersed in it. They were always too busy clinging to it to ever understand me and how I felt. Once I realized how everyone else was, all I wanted was the real world and not their make-believe, and they treated it like some kind of betrayal. That feeling didn’t last that long, though, they just chalked it up to me growing. They thought once I was older I’d understand them.

Fat chance of that happening, I thought to myself with a scoff.

I distanced myself from my parents in high school. I still talked to them, and they had phones around so it wasn’t too difficult. But there were times their phone bills weren’t paid, or now that I was out of the house, they left with no notice to go for a trip somewhere in some remote area with no hope of any signal all because they liked to experience nature. It was the one thing we had in common, but unlike them, I would never drop my real life responsibilities to go hiking and exploring.

I hadn't talked to them since the move, and it had been several weeks already.

Just forget about it, I told myself, pushing my thoughts off with a shake of my head. They know my number, I told them where I would be. If they need me, they’ll look for me.

I was in the backyard of my new house chopping wood, and I got back into it with more vigor, letting out my frustration with the world. I’d already done half the work, now to get to the other half before it got dark. I’d heard a car, which could only mean that my neighbor had arrived, and she usually got back home late, so I knew I had to get on.

The ax swung hard as I brought it down with all my strength. I was already panting from all the work I’d done today, with little breaks in between to catch my breath, eat and drink. I’d been at this for an hour now at least, but I needed to get everything done.

When I moved, I moved with a plan, and I wanted to put it into action quickly. The wood broke, and I picked it up, tossing it away toward the growing pile. I might have done it with more strength than necessary. Also, I wasn’t really paying attention because my mind was on something else. But I heard when it hit, and I looked up to see I’d hit the neighbor’s fence. It wobbled, and to my surprise, the whole thing toppled over.

Fuck, I thought to myself.

I dropped the ax with a sigh and wiped my forehead again. I couldn’t leave it lying there, but I couldn’t touch it just yet. There was no way I could fix it quietly, and I didn’t want to shock my neighbor with the damage before I could even inform her or apologize for it.

I wiped my hands on my jeans and went over to the woman’s place. I’d seen her a few times while I was fixing the place up. There was a son, and as far as I knew, no husband. I waited at her door, giving myself a minute to catch my breath. I raised my hand to knock, pausing a little because my body trembled with nerves.

I swallowed. This was my responsibility. Unlike my parents, I knew what that meant.

I knocked in three hard raps and waited for the door to open.

When it did, I was surprised.

We had been neighbors for some time, and I’d seen her in passing, but because I was always busy or exhausted from doing so much work, I’d never taken such a close look before.

Beautiful.

She had dark hair and gray eyes, a combination I’d only ever heard of in books, and it was as beautiful as I’d thought it would be. She was maybe thirty-two, with pale skin. She looked a little soft around the hips even under the clothes she wore, just a little bit, but I knew she exercised. I’d seen her a few times in the morning, coming back from a run just as I was heading out to start my day with more repairs and chores, so she was definitely fit.

Lydia, I thought when she told me her name. Just as beautiful as she looked.

I could feel my body stir with attraction, and I was a little surprised at myself. Not because she was older. It had been some time since my ex, more than a year, and no other woman had caught my interest in that time. It was hard anyway, before, when we still lived in the same town and I’d occasionally run into her on some other man’s arm. I’d learned to not let it bother me, but I couldn’t get it up for anyone after that, not even a one night stand. The move had been partially so I could forget her and try to move on with someone else.

My eyes roamed over Lydia as we talked. I couldn’t help it and I tried to be discreet. I wasn’t paying too much attention to the conversation, but it went smoothly. Her son needed her, so we made the agreement to talk the next day.

I couldn’t help but be pleased when we came to that conclusion because it meant I’d be seeing her again, and soon. Yeah, we were neighbors and I would see her anyway, but I’d get to talk to her, get to know her more.

“Slow down, boy,” I muttered to myself as I crossed back over to my place. “It’s only talking about the fence that you broke.”

I winced at the reminder. I walked to the backyard and saw the damage again, sighing. I did feel guilty about it, even though she hadn't seemed all that mad. But I knew that even if it didn’t seem that way, it didn’t mean she wasn’t mad. I couldn’t even blame her if she was mad. I had been careless.

“I’d better stop for today. I’m too distracted to do much, anyway.”

I had a habit of talking to myself, both in my head and out loud. It was from back in school when a lot of kids wouldn’t want to be around me, so I ended up alone a lot. I cleared up my yard, then went back to the house. I’d done a lot of fixing up, and there wasn’t much left before I turned it all into a real home. I’d need to buy some furniture and other things because it was still a bit sparse, but I had everything I needed for the moment.

For a moment, I stood and stared. I’d done it plenty of times since I had moved, and it had grown less overwhelming over time. The house was great. Because it was so run down and the realtor wanted it off his hands, I was able to get a good price. But the place was so fucking empty and not just with the lack of furniture.

One thing about my parents that I’d absolutely loved—the main reason I couldn’t bring myself to hate them—they knew how to fill a house with warmth. My place was empty. I couldn’t call it a home yet because there was absolutely no life in it. I wanted to do a walkthrough of the rooms and think about my plans some more.

Instead, I sighed and went into the kitchen, grabbing some snacks from the cupboards. I only had a few to tide me over. I took my health and fitness very seriously, so snacks were only an emergency food for me. I’d yet to set up the kitchen so I could cook, so I usually had take-out from a restaurant nearby.

I moved to the living room. I had one rocking chair and more seats on the way. I didn’t go sit down yet, though. Instead, I moved to the big window that faced next door.

Lydia, I thought with a sigh. So fucking fine…

My thoughts went back to when I showed up at her doorstep. I knew I was distorting reality a bit since but, in my mind, the smiles she was sending me were coy and flirtatious. There was more cleavage than I’d actually seen. My eyes had dropped to her chest just as I’d left, and I couldn’t help thinking about having her up against her wall, her legs around my hips as I claimed her breasts with my hands and mouth. I let out a harsh breath as my heartbeat sped up, but I shook my head rapidly, turning away from the window.

“Bad Ken,” I growled to myself. “You can't think about your older neighbor like that. She has a kid in the house!”

I was a little curious about what had happened to the kid’s dad, but I didn’t think too much about it.

After eating, I went to sleep early so I could get an earlier start the next day, do some work before heading off to talk to Lydia.

She featured in my dreams, and I couldn’t stop my thoughts then.