Chapter THIRTEEN
CARTER:
“You’re coming home with me.” My voice echoes off the brick building an hour later, and her delectable ass stops walking in those short shorts. Slowly she turns with a smirk on her face.
“Am I?” she challenges, quirking an eyebrow. Even in the dim outdoor lighting, I can see the spark in her eyes.
Taking the extra few steps to where she’s standing on the sidewalk, I wrap my arms around her slender waist and breathe her in as she melts into me. Her warm spicy smell mixed with sweat has me wanting to bury myself in her in every possible way. “Yeah, you are…even if I have to carry you to my car and buckle you in myself.”
“I’d like to see you try, buddy.” she smiles, placing her fists on her hips.
Silently I reach forward and take her bag off her shoulder, which she hands over willingly, and without saying a word, I squat down and wrap my arm around her legs and sling her firm body over my shoulder in one swift movement. The girly squeals and giggles that erupt from her are so uncharacteristic that they make my chest expand and warm with pride. Slowly but surely the real Anika is showing herself to me – the Anika that gets buried under layers and layers of heartache and responsibility. She has her secrets, but yet I find myself loving every part of her – the good and the bad. Love is a funny four-letter word that snuck up on me, and has rendered me seemingly incapable of functioning at a basic level without this woman. I never thought it would happen to me, or maybe I did, but I was just too naïve to think that the feelings wouldn’t be so consuming. So quickly Anika has flipped my entire perspective on life, love and the thought of spending forever with one person. I didn’t think it was possible to want that, but with her I can’t get enough and she seems to cross off all the boxes on my checklist that I wasn’t even aware I had.
“Carter!” she squeals. “Put me down!” her voice ringing out three octaves higher than usual puts a cheesy ass smile on my face. She kicks her legs and I plant a bite on the side of her thigh.
“Not a chance, sweetheart.”
“Ugh,” She growls out in frustration as she smacks my ass.
I let out a low laugh as I unlock my car and toss her bag into the back seat and settle her into the car, strapping her into the seatbelt.
I slide into the driver’s seat and she pouts with her arms folded, but I know it is all for show. The radio turns on, playing some easy listening alternative, and she turns to glare at me.
“Really, Carter?”
“What?” I feign offense.
“I’ll go with you willingly, but I’m changing this garbage.” she laughs, reaching forward to scan through the music.
Finally, as I pull out of the parking garage she settles on a station that is blasting some crazy metal music that is dark and just sounds like death. Somehow it doesn’t surprise me one bit as my lips twitch in a smile. We ride the whole way home as she sings along with the music completely oblivious to me watching her in fascination. We pull into my parking spot and I get out and open her door for her, never letting go of her hand as we greet the front desk security and make our way up the elevator to my floor.
She hasn’t been here before, always insisting we be at her house or the club, and I’ve never pushed, but now she’s in my world. I let us in setting our gym bags on the counter to take care of later, and Anika walks straight over to the wall of windows that overlooks the city. She takes in the view for a bit before moving on.
I watch her as she studies the room much like she does everything else in life, with a skeptical curiosity. Eyeing the sleek black piano, I watch as her delicate fingers tap out a tune on the polished ivory keys of the piano. They freeze, hovering above the next note, and only for a moment I see her face soften and her eyes glass over with unshed tears.
“My mother used to play,” she offers on a breathy whisper and her fingers freeze at the memory that plays in her head. As quickly as the moment arrived, it passes and the hardened version of Anika is back as she swiftly closes the key cover and stores away the memory into the dark little corner of her mind where everything that used to make up Anika Borkova is stored, collecting dust.
I let her be as I watch her struggle with her thoughts and her demons in silence. I don’t know what it is this time, but I know she isn’t going to tell me. I wish I could wash it away, help ease that hurt for her. Although her face is a mask of calm collection, I see the pain in her eyes as they lock with mine. And her eyes always tell me everything I need to know. She is mine to fix and protect, and I will fix her even if it takes me until my last breath.
I will fix her.
The tugging in my chest has me pulling her in for a hug as I try in vain to soothe the years of hurt that have been piled upon each other, crushing the person she used to be.
“Follow me, baby,” I order her giving her hand a slight tug.
She follows me throughout the lower level and up the suspended wooden staircase that leads to my master suite. I sit on the couch in my sitting area and pick up the remote, flipping on the music system that is wired throughout my home. She eyes me with confusion, but I know just how to distract her from her heartache. I flip through my phone to find the song I need and synch it up. Travis Porter’s, “Bring it Back,” begins playing through the room and her eyes light with mischief.
“Dance for me, Anika,” I say and she nods slightly in acknowledgement as her lips curl into a wicked smile.
Slowly she pulls off the loose-fitting wrap sweater she was wearing, exposing her toned abs and only a black sports bra that matches the tiny, skintight shorts she’s wearing. Next, she reaches for those, pulling them seductively down her thighs, leaving her in the tiniest black thong I’ve ever seen. Turning around so her ass is facing me, she slides her hands up her body, running them through and lifting her mane of dark hair. In a sexy move, she leans forward, dropping her hair and shaking her ass in front of my face in the most mesmerizing sort of way that has my dick immediately springing to attention.
To the beat, she continues to shake her ass in ways that I never even knew was physically possible, and when she turns towards me, biting her lip and drops herself to the floor in front of me, I about lose my damn mind. She crawls to me like a sinner about to beg for redemption.
Sitting up on her knees, she runs her hands up over my thighs brushing against my hard length and she winks. My control snaps and I grab her by the elbows, lifting her up until she’s standing before me and I turn her back around.
“Keep dancing,” I say and she obeys without hesitation. I can’t stop my hands from reaching forward and grabbing her round backside roughly. Even above the music I hear her moan, and I pull her down onto my lap by the hips so that my hard cock is nestled expertly between her still bouncing ass cheeks.
“That’s right. Shake it on my cock, Ani.” I sit up straighter, sliding my hands up her body, finally landing on her perky, bra covered breasts. Grabbing the bottom elastic, I peel it up and over her head, freeing them completely. I cup them in my hands, rolling her hard nipples between my thumbs and forefingers eliciting another breathy moan. I let go for a moment to grab my phone and select one of my playlists for her and all of the things I’m going to do to her tonight.
Closer by Nine Inch Nails begins playing quietly in the background as I stand, bringing her with me. She turns and her hands find my shoulders and move up my neck before gripping my hair. For a moment our eyes lock, laying out all the intense feelings and attraction that bind us together without any words needing to be spoken. She leans in and I pull her the rest of the way to me, fusing our lips together almost desperately. Our tongues slide together in a furious dance that leaves us both breathless and needing more. Her body presses against mine, seeking release and I pull back knowing I need to take control back and slow us down.
Placing a kiss on her forehead, I ask, “Do you want to play?” I already feel the smile forming on my lips.
“Yes, please. I need you, Carter. Give me what I need,” she pleads as I still hold her tightly in my arms. I take her hand and hold it over the massive erection that threatens to rip free from my athletic shorts.
“Do you feel how fucking hard you make me? No one has ever done this to me before. I can’t control it, and God help me, but I can’t get enough. I don’t think I ever will.”
Releasing my grip on her hand, I pull my t-shirt off over my head and I take a moment to watch as her eyes roam appreciatively over the toned body I work my ass off to keep. I finish undressing, and Anika must be as eager as I am since she follows suit, ridding herself of the scrap of fabric she calls underwear.
“I want you on your knees, kneeling for me like the little slut you are, Anika.” I say and I see her eyes flash with desire as she complies with my first command, kneeling in front of me.
“Do you like it when I talk dirty to you and call you names?” I ask.
“Yes, I love it,” she says, peering up at me.
“That’s what I thought. Would you also like it if I forced my big cock in your mouth and made you choke on it?” I run my fingers through the top of her hair, gripping it by the roots roughly and forcing her head back so she has no choice but to look up at me with those hypnotizing eyes.
“You know I would,” she says, her voice strained from me holding her head like I am.
“You dirty girl. Open up.” Her lips part and I shove myself into her mouth forcefully, loving the way she gags on me as I hit the back of her throat.
“I want you to understand one thing. I will not stop unless you ask me to and I know you mean it. I don’t care if you’re gagging… I’m not stopping. Now open up.” I smack her cheek firmly, but not enough to really leave a mark and she smiles around my cock with a wicked gleam in her eyes and I know she’s in this with me. She’s so dirty and twisted and I fucking love it, but in the back of my mind, I want to understand all of the reasons behind her desires. I know mine, but why does she need this?
“Hands clasped behind your back, baby,” I say, a bit softer. I thrust harder and faster, the wet sounds of suction, spurring me on, and I grip the sides of her head for more leverage. The harder I go, the more frequent her gagging becomes and the spasms of her throat around me bring me closer and closer to falling over the edge.
“You’re loving this aren’t you? You love it when I fuck your throat don’t you, you twisted little girl? You’re sick like me, aren’t you?” I spew dirty thoughts from my mouth like it’s my second language, and I can’t peel my eyes away from her face as she gags on me with tears streaming down her face. She’s fucking stunning as her face begins to redden from lack of breath.
“Do you realize just how beautiful you are?” I grunt out as I continue to violate her and her tongue dances around my shaft in a sinful way. She’s got such a sweet mouth but it does such wicked things. “Hmm?” she shakes her head slightly, still peering up at me just taking everything I have to give her. “You’re stunning with me in your mouth, using you, and the most beautiful part is you love it just as much as I do, don’t you? I’ll bet that you’re dripping for me right now, aren’t you?” I ask through clenched teeth. When she doesn’t respond, I dig my fingers into her hair and grip it tighter and her eyes snap back to reality and meet mine.
“Yes,” she barely manages in a muffled grunt and I shove myself deeper, hitting the back of her throat as she gags around me again. The sensation coupled with the look of anger and defeat on her tear soaked and snotty face pushes me to my limits and a warm, tingling pleasure fills my body as I spill myself down the back of her throat, only causing her to gag more and heightening the sensation for me.
When I finish I pull myself from her mouth, still impossibly hard. Anika gives me one miserable look and launches herself from her position at my feet and across the room into the bathroom. I follow her and find her crouched in the corner by the toilet, hugging herself tightly as she gags. Rushing to her side I grab her warm, naked body and pull her to me, settling her shaking body in my lap.
“Shhhhh,” I soothe as I press her face to my chest and softly rub her head. “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t know you were actually upset. You didn’t say anything… I’m sorry.” I say, feeling the heavy feeling of guilt creeping in.
“It wasn’t you, Carter. Don’t apologize,” she says hoarsely, but firmly despite her trembling body and I hold her tighter, cursing myself for still being so turned on in this moment. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I wanted it. It just brought back some bad memories of so many things from my past that I didn’t realize were still an issue, but the worst part is despite all of that, I still want this. I want what we just did. I want to do it over and over again. I love being able to give it all to you, and trust you. I love you keeping me in line and punishing me and rewarding me… taking care of me. I didn’t realize that it’s what I needed until you.”
“What happened to you, Ani?” I whisper, needing to know what memories she’s talking about beyond the horrific ones she’s already shared.
I watch her debate whether or not she’ll say anything, but finally I watch her shoulders sag in defeat before she begins to speak. “Nothing happened to me, Carter. I did what I had to do to keep my brother out of trouble.”
“What does that mean, baby?”
She sighs and leans her head against my shoulder, and just when I don’t think she’ll say any more, she surprises me again. “I wish there was a flowery explanation… something more poetic about it, but there’s not. To put it bluntly, I whored myself out. I traded my body to keep Erik safe. He had a lot of problems after what happened to my mother, and my father wasn’t around. I didn’t have access to the kind of money they wanted. I couldn’t put any more stress on my father because he was already broken. As it turns out, I didn’t need the money because I had something else they wanted. So, I gave it to them. It wasn’t pleasant, but it served its purpose,” she says matter of factly, and I feel sick. Not at what she did, but the fact that she felt like she had to do it at all. I squeeze her closer to me, because despite the nonchalant tone she was just using, I hear what lies beneath it. I hear the pain, the anger and the embarrassment. I hear what she’s trying to hide, and it makes me want to love her harder.
“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.” I kiss her face tenderly.
“It is what it is, Carter.”
“How old were you?”
“Does it honestly matter now?” she asks defensively.
“It does, and you know it. If you weren’t of age…” she places her hand over my mouth effectively silencing me.
“I was young. Let’s just leave it at that, Carter. I don’t want to rehash that. Those men will get theirs one day, so don’t worry about it. Karma’s a bitch like that,” she says, and the way her eyes flash sends a cold chill down my spine.
She erases the chills from moments before in only a way that Anika can for me. Leaning forward, she places a trail of kisses up my neck and onto my stubbled jaw line and repositions herself so she’s straddling me with my hardness pressed tightly against her warm wet pussy. She rubs her nose against mine in a sweet, intimate gesture that shocks me momentarily.
“You really are incredible. So strong…” I trace her lips with my thumb before placing the barest of kisses to her lips. In this moment, I am completely hers and she is mine. There is no part of me that isn’t bound to her in some way, and I love the way that feels. I’m taking a piece of my own advice and relinquishing just a little bit of myself and my control to her, and at the same time she shoulders my demons, letting me take out my anger and pain on her, and loving every moment of it. We’re a match made in hell.
“But I’m not…” she says, softly as she continues to kiss me softly.
Ignoring her self-deprecation, I continue, “I’ll always take care of you, Ani. Despite whatever fucked up reasons we both have for what we like, you always come first for me. Do you get that? You are everything. I can’t explain it to you in words, baby. I can’t, because I’m not so sure I understand it myself, but you fit inside this gaping hole I’ve been walking around with.”
“Carter…” she begins to cut me off, and I feel her body tense. I know she knows what’s coming and I don’t give a fuck if she wants to face it or not, she’s going to. She can’t deny that she’s got these feelings too. I see them, I feel them when our bodies connect. It’s electric. It’s like lightning, fire, and an earthquake met and shattered every piece of who we used to be and reshaped us to make us whole…and better together.
“No, Anika. You’re going to shut up and you’re going to listen to me, for once. Please,” I plead, taking her face in my hands. Her eyes search mine, and I see her accept the fact that she’s going to listen to what I have to say. “I love you. I fucking love you, and that’s all there is to it. As screwed up as we may be, we were made for each other. You don’t have to love me back, but you do have to accept the fact that I love you and I’m not going anywhere and I’m not going to stop trying. Maybe someday you will love me back. Maybe someday I’ll earn your trust enough for you to let me in completely and show me who you are… I don’t know. All I know is I need you, and us.”
“Oh, Carter,” she says in a pained whisper as tears shimmer in her eyes and she runs her hands down my face, almost as if she’s trying to soothe herself by consoling me. “You shouldn’t love me. You don’t want to see who I really am,” she says kissing me, her wet tears salty on my lips.
“I love you,” I say again insistently, thinking if I say it enough she’ll understand.
“I’ll break you,” she whispers sadly against my ear, as she places a soft kiss just below it.
“You can’t break someone who’s already broken, baby.”