Anika:
He’s broken like I am. I know he is…I’ve seen it in the way he thirsts for control, for domination, and even in the way his own control seems to snap from time to time. He’s just better at controlling his demons than I am. Maybe to him what he said was an off the cuff statement that he doesn’t think I understand, or maybe this is his own way of unravelling the tightly wound parts of himself so I can see what he’s made of. Either way I already know everything. I was able to uncover all of his dirty secrets and what feeds his monsters. We’re both damaged goods, but if he only knew the level of my depravity, he wouldn’t feel the same way. Knowing everything I know has only confirmed one thing for me. I need to stop being selfish and push him away for good if I’m going to keep him safe from this sick game I’m playing with Lance Jennings. I just don’t know how I’m going to let him go.
“Carter,” I say his name and rub my aching sex against him, because despite the haunted memories and professions of doomed love, the sick and twisted sexual deviant in me aches for him and the release he brings me every time we’re together.
“Anika,” he echoes in reply, and the way he says it just sounds dirty.
“I’ve been a very bad girl,” I say, knowing that sex is the best way to distract him.
His eyes sparkle with humor. “I see. I suppose we’ll just have to do something about that then. Would you like bondage and suspension or gagging and cuffs?” he asks before licking his way up the side of my neck.
“Oh, I get to choose? What a lucky girl I am.”
“Don’t say I never did anything nice for you.” he leans forward, taking my taut nipple in his mouth and biting it, sending a deliciously painful ache between my thighs.
“I’ll take bondage and suspension for four hundred,” I reply and he chuckles softly, grabbing the backs of my thighs and lifting me up with him. As he walks with me back into his bedroom, I feel his hard erection brush against my slick opening, sending shivers through my body. He gives me a knowing smile and sets me down in the middle of the floor. I look around his room which has an upscale midcentury vibe to it. Sleek black leather mixes with natural wood tones and crisp white bedding and rugs. There are only a few personal items scattered throughout. Books, a notebook and pen, and a few pictures on the dresser, but that is all. I look above my head to see where Carter is using a pulley system to drop some harnesses from the exposed ceiling rafters.
Once he finishes he looks at me with almost a goofy, proud smile. “That was easier than I thought.”
I raise my eyebrows in question, and he replies. “This is the first time I’ve used this.”
“That’s reassuring,” I shoot back.
“Careful, pretty girl, or I’ll fuck that mouth of yours raw.” I smile sarcastically at him, and he continues. “I’ve used this system before, just not here. No one comes here, Anika. Me, my housekeeper three times a week, and occasionally if I’m unfortunate enough, my mother.”
While a bit shocked he doesn’t entertain here, I don’t show it. I just nod my acceptance and wait for his next order. It is so unlike me, and I think that is part of the thrill in it. I’ve always thrived on pain – giving and receiving, but it was always on my terms and how I wanted it. Giving everything so completely to someone else is exciting. You don’t know what is spinning on the wheels inside their head, and all you can do is hope it will be good, and in my case, secretly pray it hurts so bad that I feel like I’ve been absolved from my sins.
“Hands behind your back,” his sexy, commanding tone is back and his demeanor has changed, becoming more powerful in a sense.
I feel the smooth rope slide around my wrists, winding and knotting its way up, binding my arms tightly together. He then works it around my front, tying intricate knots around my breasts leaving them exposed but rendering me completely helpless above the waist. Silently working with only a tender brush of fingers here and there, he slides a soft leather harness under my arms and around my shoulders, firmly securing the straps with the buckles.
Carter taps my ankle. “Step through here for me, baby.” I step through the lower body portion of the harness and slides it up my legs where he attaches it to the other harness. Placings a rough kiss on my lips, he pulls the main rope, lifting my body off the floor completely and leaving me exposed to him.
“Let’s play.” He flashes me a smile and pulls harder, lifting me so I’m at perfect height for him. Slowly, he walks into his closet, returning with a large black leather box and placing it beside us on the floor. He opens the lid to reveal a selection of toys, whips, floggers, canes and other things I can’t name.
He reaches down and pulls out a shiny black metal object. “Open.” He taps it against my lips and I open up letting the cold, smooth metal slide across my tongue. He pulls it from my lips with a pop. “Spit on it.”
After doing what I’m told, he kneels in front of me, looking up at me with nothing but adoration and intense need. My heart thaws for him a little bit more against my will, and I have this burning need for him just to hold me and hug me close. It’s unsettling and I push it away for the moment to focus on nothing but the man in front of me as he trails his tongue down the outside of my thigh. Gently, I feel his fingers spread me apart and his finger run through the wetness at my core.
“Christ almighty,” he curses under his breath as he touches me and traces a small circle around my puckered entrance before using his other hand to guide the cool plug inside.
“Relax, Ani. I’ve got you. Just push out a little. There we go. See? I’m not going to hurt you like that,” he says, as the plug slides in to the hilt. The feeling of fullness is not the unpleasant one I remember, but instead causes me to clench, seeking some sort of release from this throbbing need that has yet to be satisfied.
Sitting up on his knees, Carter reaches forward sliding his hands through my slick heat and holds them up for me to see. “Look how wet you are for me. Only for me, right?” he asks. Knowing he expects answer, I reply.
“Yes, Carter. Only for you…it’s only been for you,” I say truthfully. Running his fingers against me again, he takes my wetness and spreads it in a line up my stomach. Looking up at me through hooded lids, he licks the line he just traced, his eyes rolling back in his head like an addict taking a hit.
“So fucking good, baby. Like candy,” he says as he spreads more of me directly on his own lips. “Taste yourself, Anika. Lick yourself off of me,” he says pressing his mouth to mine and I slide my tongue against his lips before sliding it all the way in and consuming his mouth in a kiss.
He pulls away, working his way down my chest and stomach, only to stop at my breasts momentarily to place nipple clamps upon them. The sharp ache it creates seems to be directly connected to my swollen sex. Finally, by the time he reaches my clit I’m about ten seconds from exploding into a million pieces. He delves into my soaked opening with his tongue and briefly flicks my clit before moving back and forth, creating a dizzying frustration, but I know from the warm buzzing in my body that I’m so close.
“Don’t come,” he orders and bites down on my clit, flicking the most sensitive part rapidly with his tongue. I come suddenly and violently as my whole body seizes and I’m helpless to the sensations flooding my body. Carter only stops briefly to peer up at me and he smacks me hard across the sex, and I let out a loud guttural moan that echoes off the walls. The sharp sting only heightens my arousal and the intensifies the ache that fills the lower half of my body.
“I told you not to come, you little slut. Now I’m going to have to punish you,” he says with a devilish grin.
“Oh my God, yes. Please…” I moan.
“Open your eyes, Anika. Look at me. If you close them again, you will not come again. Is that understood?”
“Yes, please just…” I trail off as he smacks me across the thigh. I can already feel the warm delicious tingles spreading across my skin, buzzing with the electricity of his touch. He alternates between my thighs, breasts and sex. Every time he lands a blow the need deep inside of me strengthens, causing me to crave more.
Carter kneels down briefly, only to bring a flogger and a devilish look back up with him.
“Do you want this?” he asks and all I can do is moan my response since he has me so worked up. Without warning, he snaps it across my ass, and I clench around the plug inside of me. I’m so close, and he knows it as he gives me a warning look. He does it again, leaving my ass raw. Alternating between the flogging and pinching my clit, he creates a painfully delicious combination, and I’m stuck teetering on the edge of insanity, but I want more.
“You’re dripping, baby. Look at yourself. Look how hot that is.” I look down and see my arousal dripping out of me. I meet his fiery gaze with a smile and he snaps, grabbing me by the hips and sliding into me with ease.
His cock stretches me and that sensation along with the butt plug has me feeling like I might split in two with pleasure. His pace as he thrusts in and out of my tight channel is punishing, but only because it’s agonizingly slow.
“Do you feel me, Anika?” he breathes on a low growl into my ear that causes my body to hum.
“Yes. I feel all of you.”
“Get used to that feeling because I’m not letting you go.”
“I don’t want you to let me go,” I say truthfully, and he kisses me with so much feeling that it ignites the beginnings of an orgasm that I’m incapable of stopping. I give him an apologetic look.
“It’s ok, baby. Come for me,” he pants against my lips, and they’re the words I’ve been waiting to hear.
The pressure builds low in my belly, pulling until it snaps, sending wave after wave of pleasure through my body. All the while, Carter and I remain nose to nose as he chants his love for me repeatedly, finding his own pleasure. I feel him expand and explode deep inside of me as his body shutters, and at the same time he pulls the plug from me, sending me into another state of bliss. I hear the plug hit the floor, and he releases the straps from the harness, clutching my spent body in his capable arms.
He works quickly to untie all of the knots he created, massaging my tingling limbs as he goes. When he’s finished, he hugs me to his bare chest and lifts me up, carrying me to his bed where he lays me under the soft covers and slides in beside me. I drift off to sleep with him combing his fingers through my hair and singing my praises.
****
I feel a warm pair of arms encircle my waist, pulling me in tighter and my body stiffens.
“Relax, Ani. It’s just me,” Carter’s warm breath tickles my cheek and I soften, melting back into his chest. “That’s better.” He says, placing a warm kiss against my neck. I feel my stomach flip flop at his touch. I hate that I love it, and I hate that I’m falling desperately in love with him. It makes me sick to my stomach, but I suppose I should embrace the fact Carter makes me feel anything at all. Over the years I’ve become calloused and cold. I’ve managed to stand in a world of solitary confinement, never letting anyone close enough to do any more damage. Carter never cared that I wanted it that way-that I did this to myself intentionally. He did what he does best and took charge, forcing himself into my life, my head, and now into my irreparably broken soul.
“Are you hungry? You didn’t eat much last night.” He interrupts my thoughts, and I roll to face him so we’re chest to chest in the gray morning light.
“I think I need to go,” I say quietly.
“I think you’re running.”
“I think you’re right, but you’ll thank me later.”
“I wish you would tell me why you think that,” he replies.
“Because I’m not a good person, Carter.”
“You don’t see yourself very clearly, Anika.”
“No, Carter. You don’t. You only see what I want you to see. You don’t see the truth.”
“That’s because you won’t tell me.”
“For good reason,” I say, planting a quick peck to his lips and sliding out of bed. “I’ve already told you more than I’ve ever told anyone in my whole life.”
He grabs ahold of my hand, stopping me. “It’s Saturday. Can’t we just spend the day together?”
I sigh, looking up towards the ceiling thinking of all the things I need to do today to ensure his safety from this shit-storm, and then I think about all the reasons I’m going to hate myself even more tomorrow for agreeing to his request. “I have plans at seven, but I’ll give you today.” I hate that I’m meeting with Braxton, but there isn’t any way around it. I’m down to the wire, and I have to play by their rules even though that isn’t typically my style. There’s just too much at stake.
A radiant smile spreads across his handsome face, and he looks so happy. It kills me knowing that in only a few days’ time, I won’t see this smile again. I’ll cease to exist and he will move on. I’ve gotten everything I need to replicate his plans for the new Quantum Computing line. Lance and Braxton will never know what hit them when I’m finished. I’m ending this once and for all. For Carter, for myself, for my parents, and for this country before they’re saddled with a President that is not only a criminal, but something far more sinister. The man makes me look like a girl scout, but that’s about to change. Soon, the world will see Lance Jennings for who he really is. Vladislav Statnik. Russian warlord, criminal, drug and arms dealer, human trafficker, pedophile, murderer, terrorist…the list really is endless, and the world has no idea. One thing is for certain, I will end Lance Jennings, even if I have to take myself out with him.
“What do you want to do, baby?” he asks, pulling me back into bed with him.
“For now, I just want you to hold me so I can memorize how it feels,” I say, knowing it’s an odd request. I just know that in his arms is the only place I feel almost normal and happy.
****
The chair scrapes across the polished wood with an audible screech when the waiter pulls it out for me. Braxton remains seated, peering up at me over his four fingers of bourbon. What I wouldn’t give to relive the day Carter and I had over and over again. Hiking in the mountains and a picnic we put together side by side. For the first time in forever, I didn’t allow myself to worry about anything. I forced myself to soak up every single moment with Carter, because I know beyond any shred of a doubt that it was a miracle I managed to feel normal, and those are moments I won’t ever get again…
It was perfect, but now I’m here, staring down a man that may share his DNA, but is inferior in every way.
“Please, don’t get up or anything,” I scold sarcastically, reminding him of the manners I know had to be ingrained in him at some point, but are now lost.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Princess.” He stands abruptly, nearly knocking the chair over and bows like a fool, pulling the attention of the other patrons.
I roll my eyes like the lady I am. “You’re clearly drunk. This meeting can’t be too important if you’re drinking on the job, Braxton.”
I slide the drink away, but he grabs my wrist harshly. I narrow my eyes. “I would rethink that if I were you. You just got that cast removed.” With my warning, his grip loosens slightly. His other hand reaches over to cover mine, slipping a small hard object inside my palm.
“Sorry to interrupt,” the waiter says, looking back and forth between us and our clasped hands. “Ma’am, what can I get you to drink?”
I smile politely at him, “I’ll just have a sparkling water with lime, please.”
“Very well. Your appetizer should be out soon. Would you like to take a look at the dinner selection now?” he asks.
“That won’t be necessary,” I respond quickly.
Braxton contradicts me, “Oh, honey, you should eat more. It isn’t good for the baby. Yes, we’d love to see the dinner menu.” He smiles up at the waiter, and I feel my pulse tick. I’m seconds away from taking my fork and lodging it in his temple.
Once the waiter skirts off to grab the menu, I snatch my hand from his, dropping the item into my clutch before I explode. “What the fuck was that? Are you insane?”
He laughs like a drunken lunatic, “Now we’re name calling? Would you listen to the pot calling the kettle black? I’m just having a little fun, Anika. Lighten up.”
“There is no fun to be had here, Braxton. I’m here because I need information that you were supposed to give me, nothing else. I also don’t want to give anyone the idea that you and I are even remotely connected.”
“Oh, but we are baby. Don’t you remember? Don’t you remember how good my cock felt buried inside that tight body of yours? What do you say? For old time’s sake?” he whispers loudly across the table, garnering shocked stares from the table next us.
“I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again. Go fuck yourself, Braxton.” I hiss, tossing my napkin on the table and walking towards the restroom to cool off. I hear him say, “Hormones.” to someone and it takes everything in me to not march back to the table and snap his neck in a restaurant full of witnesses.
Storming into the bathroom, I tug at my hair. The neat up do comes loose, causing me to look as unhinged as I feel, and I pace back and forth across the shiny marble tiles talking myself down from the verge of a very public homicide. I pull my phone out of the clutch I’m still holding and check my phone. I lasted less than fifteen minutes. I remotely log into my secure home servers and check the status of some of the things I have running and shoot a couple emails off to my team at Cultivate, checking in with them and reminding them to update the client lists on our website. I may not be in the office everyday anymore, but I still run a tight ship. Then I check my text messages. I respond to the picture message of my brother building a school in a third world country with his fiancé that I’ve never met. Part of me is jealous that he gets to have love and isn’t saddled with burden, but then I remember that he gets that because of the sacrifices I’ve made and it helps. Next, I click on Carter’s name reading the messages he left me with.
Carter: Thank you for spending the day with me. I want a million more.
Carter: I love you.
I find myself smiling at his words even though they only serve as a reminder of will never be mine to keep. Quickly, I tap out a message in response.
Me: You’re welcome. It was nice. A million more seems a bit ambitious. :)
Before I even have a chance to store my phone back in my clutch, I see the dots dancing on the screen as he works on a reply. My phone pings a second later with his response.
Carter: You already knew I’m ambitious. Don’t underestimate my ability to find a way to spend eternity with you.
Shaking my head with a soft smile, I store my phone back inside the leather clutch and twist my hair back into place and pin it before smoothing out my black sheath dress. I feel a little less rage filled as I stride back to the table where the waiter is taking Braxton’s order.
“There you are, sweetheart,” Braxton says loudly, and I take a deep breath reminding myself I can kill him in a few days if I still feel so inclined.
“Ma’am, what can I get you for your main course?”
Having been here several times before I answer quickly. “I’ll have the shrimp toast and a kale Caesar salad. Thank you.” I take a seat.
“Did you cool off, firecracker?” Braxton slurs.
“I did. I decided you can live…for now.”
“You think you’re so smart, Anika, but I’m saying this as a friend.” He looks me dead in the eye before continuing. If I was smarter I would actually take what he has to say to heart. “You don’t know what you’re up against. You’re in over your head here. Just do what you’re told, and be done with it. It isn’t the time to seek revenge. You will lose,” he says his last words slowly as if he is certain of this fact above all else.
“Just tell me what I need to know,” I demand, ignoring the warning bells in my head.
“Wednesday evening…” he starts, and my brain kicks into overdrive knowing I need to formulate the rest of my plan within the next twenty-four hours.