Anika:
Carter sleeps next to me, and I trace the lines of his handsome face with my finger. He pulls me closer, warming me up. He’ll never know the way he makes me feel, or the way he’s stealing parts of me bit by bit. I’m not sure how much longer we have together before the clock runs out and either he sees the darkness inside of me, or it all comes crashing down around us in a million pieces. I’m trying to make this work. Over the past week, I’ve been feeding Braxton with false information. After the first time I gained entry, I haven’t touched anything maliciously. I can’t do this, not to Carter. Instead, I’ve been working through the Lintech files and systems bit by bit, downloading and cloning data and rebuilding it on my machine and tweaking it so it looks legitimate, but it is essentially a big steaming pile of useless shit.
I’ve also been trying to help the company, knowing that there are scarier people than Lance Jennings out there trying to get their hands on this kind of information. I’ve been scanning the security and firewalls, searching for weaknesses. When I find them, I recode them and rebuild, making them solid and nearly impenetrable. I’ve been doing the same for the off-site data recovery center. That was a mess to clean up all by itself. If I could, I’d totally tell Carter he needs to hire better coders.
Realizing I still have a ton of work to do, I slip from his hold and pull on some leggings and a loose sweater and head up the stairs to my office. He should be asleep for a few hours at least, and that gives me enough time to filter through some more data. I don’t bother turning on the lights. It’s dark in here, but surprisingly feminine compared to the rest of my house. The walls are a deep gray, but all of my furniture and equipment is white. The rug is a deep pink over dyed rug and there are pops of pink throughout the room in some of the pillows on the chair in the corner and some of the other accessories I have. The walls are decorated in large gold frames with oversized matting that hold black and white pictures of my mother dancing on stage when she was younger. A few photos of my family are scattered around my desk and side table from when I was little, when we were happy. This is the only place I can stand to keep them – in the dark with me.
I’m going through some files on the build process for the Quantum proto type when I hear a creak on the stairs. I scramble to hide my desktop and bring up some other random pages on the wall of monitors in front of me.
“Ani?” Carter’s voice calls, and my heart hammers. The door opens and he pokes his head in, before pushing it all the way open and stepping inside. “I woke up and you were gone, and weren’t downstairs.” I stand to meet him. No one comes over, no one comes in this room especially. But he’s already in here and he’s already looking around. There’s no sense in stopping it now.
“Your lair, I presume?” he smiles a boyish smile and wraps me in his arms.
“My lair? You make it sound so sinister,” I joke.
“You’re right. There’s far too much pink in here. Who knew you liked color?” he teases back and I swat at him. His eyes scan the room, and rest on the groupings of pictures that line the wall. I can tell he’s curious, but he doesn’t ask.
“My mother. She was a professional ballerina… then a dance teacher,” I supply, and he hugs me tighter before letting me go to look around.
“It’s a nice set up you’ve got here.”
“Built it all myself.”
“As if there’s any other way.” He grins. “Water cooled?” he asks gesturing to my computers.
“Yeah, just switched over and I like it. It’s more efficient and there’s a lot better thermal transfer of heat between the parts and the coolant. Works faster than a fan when you’re running a lot of graphics.”
“Yeah, the technology for these systems has definitely improved over the past few years.” He picks up the photo on my desk. It’s the last family photo we ever took on the night of my thirteenth birthday. I both love and hate that photo. I cherish it because I love my family, but it also serves as a reminder of everything I’ve lost and the person I’ve become while searching for answers and meaning.
“Your family?” he questions, but it’s obvious. He’s just trying to get me to open up. “You look just like your mother… you have your father’s eyes though.”
“Yeah, I used to get that all the time.”
“You were happy,” he observes.
“I was.”
“What happened to them?” he asks softly, and I sigh.
“It’s not a story I want to tell, and it’s definitely not a story that anyone wants to hear.”
He sets the frame back on my desk and reaches for me. As always, I go willingly because for whatever twisted reason, Carter is the only person I want to please.
“You know you can tell me anything.” He cradles my face gently.
“There’s not much to tell,” I lie, because I could spend days telling him all of the details I’ve uncovered over the years, but I can’t and I won’t. So, I’ll go with the bare minimum basics.
“Ani, let me know you. Let me in like I’ve let you in. I’ve told you all about my family, my life, and my feelings for you… let me in,” he pleads, and I cave.
“On my thirteenth birthday, my mother was brutally murdered.” He squeezes me and pulls me with him into the chair in the corner, and I continue. For the first time, I tell someone part of my story. “My parents didn’t have enough time to get us out when the men came, so my brother and I hid in the closet. We saw the whole thing from where we were, and we were absolutely helpless to stop it. My father was beaten within an inch of his life and tied to a chair. He was forced to watch as these men…” my voice cracks as I push myself to get the worlds out, but I don’t cry. Only the feeling of Carter’s warm hands, rubbing soothing circles on my back keeps me going. “He, we all watched as they raped her, slit her throat and then her body. Then…” I squeeze my eyes closed as if it will make the memories go away. “They defiled her body in unimaginable ways. I know they would have killed my father that night and us too if they’d had the chance, but the police showed up before they could.”
“Anika, I had no idea. I’m sorry. I wouldn’t have even asked if I’d realized. Jesus, I don’t even know what to say to you because I can’t imagine.” He buries his face in my hair and I don’t respond to him. I just continue. I’m only going through this once, and then it’s getting buried again. I don’t really even know why I’m sharing it with him.
“My father was never the same after that. He barely managed to work or function, let alone be a parent. I know he loved my brother and I, but he was lost and broken. We all were. On my eighteenth birthday, my father committed suicide.” I know the real truth, but the truth sometimes is impossible to explain. “I tried to talk him down as he put a bullet in his own head, but I couldn’t. The worst part is, I don’t think he really had any other choice, and I don’t blame him. I just wish there was a way to fix everything… find some meaning in it. Shit, I don’t know.” I stop talking as I realize this is a slippery slope that I’m walking, and if I trip up, I won’t be able to get back up again.
“I’m so sorry,” he repeats for what seems like the hundredth time.
“You can stop saying you’re sorry. It’s done and you can’t change that. Don’t feel bad. I don’t tell people for this very reason,” I say.
“What?”
I point to him. “The look on your face. You’re looking at me like you feel sorry for me.”
“No, I’m looking at you like I think you’re incredible.” He says and look at him like he’s full of shit.
Not wanting to discuss it anymore, I hop off his lap and create the only diversion I can think of on the fly.
“Want to stay for dinner?” I ask, and I want to laugh at how his face transforms with my offer. I still see the torment, but on the surface, he smiles and I know he knows not to ask any more questions.
“You can cook?” he asks in wonder, like it is some amazing feat.
“I can, but you have to help this time because I can’t really move my left hand. I hope you’re good with a knife,” I say and he shrugs.
“Well, come on then. We better get you fed if you’re going to be expecting dessert,” I tease, giving him a wink.
“Oh, I’ll most definitely want dessert.”
****
Five weeks have come and gone, and almost every second that hasn’t been filled with work at Lintech and rewriting and coding files has been with Carter. I tried to stay away, and I tried to stop it, but I couldn’t. There’s something about him that pulls me in and holds me in place. I could say it is his good looks, his intelligence or the way he plays my body like a fucking piano, but it’s not that. It’s the way he looks at me when he doesn’t think I’m looking – like I’m worth something to him, or in the way he genuinely makes me laugh. I didn’t remember what that felt like until Carter. He makes me forget sometimes, and that’s the greatest gift of all.
Looking up from the ground, I sigh as I approach Lintech’s front doors where a familiar form loiters on the sidewalk out front.
“What are you doing here again? Right outside the doors no less.” Braxton really might have a mental defect as far as I’m concerned. I can’t help but smirk when I see he’s still sporting a cast on his arm from the gift I gave him weeks ago.
“Tick tock, Anika. You only have a little over a week to wrap this up.” He taps his Rolex.
“What then? What are you going to do with this?” I ask, pulling him into a corner by the front doors.
“I don’t think that concerns you.”
“It does concern me. I’m the one feeding you the information. I want to know that it’s only greed that is fueling this and not something that is going to do end up hurting innocent people.”
“Don’t act like you suddenly care about peoples’ lives Assassination Ani,” he replies snidely.
“You’re right. I don’t care about filth. I don’t care about you, but I’ll be damned if I have anything to do with whatever else your associate is planning,” I grind out through gritted teeth. Only a breath apart, most would assume we are just two people having an intimate conversation.
“What do you think Carter would do if he knew he has been sticking his dick in crazy?” Braxton asks, changing the subject.
“Why do you hate him so much?” I know Carter’s side, but I want to hear it from Braxton’s mouth.
“I’m honestly surprised you haven’t already figured it out. We both know how much you like sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong,” He says flippantly.
“Only when I need to, and I know enough. I just want to hear what you have to say.”
“Did you know that Carter and I were best friends? We didn’t know we were brothers until his…well, our father died when we were in college. Did you also know that Carter had known for years and never said anything? He let me search for my father for years, never saying a word. Then when dear old Dad up and died on us, do you think I was even thought of?”
“How is that Carter’s fault? Besides, you can save that shitty sob story. I know you found out at the same time that you were related and I know that you got the same amount as Carter did. Yours is just held up because you chose to drop out of college and gamble away what you did get. Carter had the same stipulations as you, Braxton.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Anika. He lied to me for years!” his voice raises.
I cross my arms over my chest, “You’re jealous. That’s disgusting, Braxton. This is about your jealousy. Nothing more, nothing less.”
“Of course, I’m jealous!” he explodes, and I know people are staring now. But I can’t let it go now that I’m starting to get somewhere with him. He’s a loose cannon, and is about ready to go off. “He had everything! He had the father that I should have had. He had more opportunities just for baring the last name Linwood. Meanwhile, I was swept under the heirloom rug like a dirty fucking secret. And everyone was in on it; everyone got to laugh about it while I was oblivious!”
“That’s ridiculous and you know it!” I argue.
“Well, who’s this?” a familiar, female voice asks, interrupting us and I turn sharply. Veronica gives us both a knowing smile as I take a step back from Braxton.
“Just someone who shouldn’t be here,” I reply, but she continues to stare at Braxton, and I know if she looks long enough, she’ll figure it out.
“You’re Carter’s brother, aren’t you?” she asks, shaking her finger at him.
“Indeed,” he replies with a fake ass smile plastered to his face.
“I knew I’d seen your face before. He has pictures of you in his office. What brings you over this way?” she asks, her gaze turning to me as she eyes me up and down.
“Just catching up with an old friend,” he says, nodding to me and I roll my neck trying to loosen the tension.
“You should come upstairs and say hello to your brother. I was just going to meet with him,” she says, motioning for him to follow along, but he doesn’t want to talk to Carter any more than I want to get a root canal so he politely declines.
“Ok, I’ll just tell him you said hello, then,” she says starting towards the door, and we both shout that it isn’t necessary. She doesn’t say a word, just gives us a skeptical smirk before heading inside.
After she disappears through the doors, I see Braxton trying to slink off out of the corner of my eye, but I catch him so I can ask the burning question that has been on my mind. “Not so fast.” I grab him by the back of the jacket and he turns. “Why was there a man in my house trying to kill me?” I ask him.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says, and I glare at him.
He rolls his eyes and answers my question. “Dimitri went rogue. He did that on his own after being advised to leave you alone. We don’t know why. He was honestly just a twisted fucker that enjoyed a challenge. I don’t think he expected you to be as capable as you were.”
I bite my lip, nodding slightly and accepting the response. I guess I get where good old Dimitri was coming from. I myself, oftentimes feel the need to seek out a challenge.
“Anything else you need? I have places to be,” he asks.
“No. Just needed to know,” I say, not even looking back as I head towards Lintech’s doors. I just need to make it through the week, and then I’m done. I shatter a little more on the inside knowing that my time with Carter is limited to only such a short amount. I don’t know how I’m going to say goodbye yet, but I know that regardless of how it’s done, it might be the hardest thing I’ve had to do.