Anika:
I’m not sure what I’m doing here. It seemed like a decent idea in theory when I woke up this morning. It isn’t as if I had any other plans in the works. The only things I do are eat, sleep, work, gym, and obsess. But now, being here around all of Lintech’s employees and my subordinates, I’m so out of my element that I’m extremely uncomfortable. It’s like my own little slice of hell as happy families laugh and play around me. Several of my employees have come to introduce me to their significant others and their children, and I care… I really do, but I’m just not a people person. People tend to surprise me in the worst sorts of ways.
Maybe in a different life, I’d be one of these crazy in love women walking around with a baby strapped to herself while wiping down the sticky hands of her toddler. Maybe I would’ve even been happy, but I don’t think I can be now. Not after everything I’ve done and everything I yearn to do. I don’t deserve to be loved. I can’t commit to anyone because I can’t even commit to myself. The only thing I devote myself to is this black rage and the hate that lives inside of me. I try to keep it hidden, but if I’m cut, I bleed black.
I’m just thinking about making a sizeable donation to the Houses for Homeless fund and slip away quietly when I feel eyes on me, causing goosebumps to arise. Just like they always do when he looks at me. I turn to find Carter walking towards me in jeans that make me want to lick my lips and a casual fleece pullover with a collared shirt peeking out of the top. He does casual just as well as he does business and it has me aching to see how well he does naked. I try and repress my filthy thoughts as he nears, but it’s a fruitless effort.
“This is a new look for you,” Carter says as he eyes my semi-preppy ensemble up and down. For this occasion, I chose some dark wash jeans, a black V-neck sweater, and a basic tan trench coat.
“Yeah, I have very particular tastes,” I say with a laugh, because it’s true. It’s usually gym clothes, leather, ripped jeans or work clothes because they are necessary.
“Well it suits you. It makes you appear almost approachable.” He grins flirtatiously at me, and I can’t seem to ignore my body’s reaction any longer as my heart beats faster and my breathing quickens. I shut it down though. If there’s one thing I’ve gotten good at over the years, it is ignoring feelings and pretending to feel nothing at all.
“That must explain why my employees keep handing me their children to hold.” I laugh.
“What? You don’t like kids?” he pretends to be shocked.
“Would it make me a monster if I didn’t?” I joke.
“Maybe just a little.”
“It isn’t that I don’t like them,” I defend. “I suppose that I’m just inexperienced, and I don’t like the unknown. I’ve heard they don’t come with an instruction manual of any kind, and that’s terrifying. What about you?” I ask him.
“Nah, I hate them,” he teases before continuing on. “I volunteer for a lot of youth programs. I love kids. They are our future, and they are brilliant. You just have to give them a little polish to let them shine,” he says, and I feel it. I feel my heart thaw just a little bit towards this man. I know he cares so much for people and the work he does, and that part makes me sick with guilt over what I have to do to his company, and to him.
Guilt.
It’s such a foreign feeling. I know what it is, but it’s something I don’t think I’ve felt in years. Little by little, Carter seems to be awakening these feelings and emotions that I killed and buried years ago.
I’m suddenly overcome with a crisis of conscience as I struggle with these feelings that I’ve managed to lock down for so long. My mind sorts through my options at warp speed, and suddenly, I have a need to figure out how I can develop a plan to follow through with no actual harm to Carter or his company. I just have to be smart.
“Anika?” Carter smiles, and I realize he’s been talking to me. My brain plays catch up while my lips begin to formulate a response.
“Do I want kids? That’s kind of jumping the gun, don’t you think? You haven’t even managed to snag a date yet.” I smile a full smile and the motion feels strange on my face.
“Wow,” Carter breathes before smiling back. “Your smile is blinding.”
“I use whitening toothpaste,” I deadpan, and he laughs a loud laugh that has my body buzzing and my face pulling into yet another smile.
“God, Borkova… you do actually have a personality and facial expressions. You really should use them more often.”
“I do, but I suppose I just don’t like enough people to show that side of myself.” It isn’t a lie. I never really talk to people unless it’s absolutely necessary, and I certainly don’t joke with them.
“So, does that mean you like me?” he takes my arm and winds it through his as he begins to walk. Something about the way he seems to take control of every situation so unapologetically and with ease, makes me like him more than I should.
“I haven’t killed you yet.” I wink at him. If he only knew how serious I am... how easy it would be for me to do. He laughs so deeply it vibrates through my body too, and something about it calms me.
“What you’re saying, is I have a chance then? Right?” An honest to God laugh escapes me then, and it nearly splits me apart. The feeling seems almost wrong after so long. I’d almost forgotten how it felt.
“While I admire your persistence, I’m still not so sure it’s a good idea.” I unwind my arm from his as we walk down the path in the park and I look around to make sure no one was watching.
“You know, there are no formal rules about interpersonal relationships at Lintech right?” he stops walking at the end of the path that overlooks the gray water and shoves his hands in his jeans pockets. I know I’ve just rained on his parade, but it’d just be cruel to lead him on and then cut him down at the knees when I get what I want.
It’s what I do. I use people. That’s why it’s best to not get involved at all.
“I understand. I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“I’ll wear you down, pretty girl. Remember, I’m a man who usually gets his way.” He warns and thankfully the easiness seems to have returned to his tone.
“Why don’t we talk about something else?” I try desperately to change the subject to anything other than me and Carter. The truth is, he has no idea how close he is to wearing me down.
We continue walking for a moment, just enjoying each other’s company. I think we are both content in just not feeling alone. As we wind back up the path towards the festivities, Carter breaks the silence.
“Are you going to the gala next Saturday?” He’s changed the subject, but I still know that I am his angle. He’s wanting to know if I have a date.
“You know I’m going, Carter,” I admonish, and he shrugs innocently.
“Just checking. So, what are you going to wear?” he asks and I find myself smiling again.
“Are we really going to discuss women’s fashion?”
“Okay, Okay. I just thought maybe I could show up wearing a coordinating pocket square or something, but gauging your reaction, I take it you’re probably not into that,” he teases again, and I hear my laugh echo through the air once more, causing Carter to smile widely.
“Fine. A floor length gown. I might even wear a color, but it depends on how daring I’m feeling,” I tease.
“Now, really.” I try to move the conversation along.
“Well, there is something that has been brought to my attention today, but it’s work related so it can wait until Monday if you’d rather discuss it then.” I already have a pretty good idea of what this is about, and I was curious how long it’d take them to uncover my little gift.
“No, by all means. You know I’m a workaholic like you. What’s going on?” I feign ignorance.
“We were hacked,” he says so simply. I expected him to at least be a little panicked about it, but he seems shockingly indifferent.
“You’re kidding.” I try to appear shocked enough for both of us. “How?”
“Still not quite sure. The guy left his mark – someone that calls themselves Phantom Kiss. According to Jason on the QC team, the guy is big time. I’m just not sure what he’s after. I mean he just scrambled data and rebuilt the firewalls back up around it.”
I smile internally at the fact he thinks I’m a man, but I carry on with my charade. “So, your saying we’re locked out of the program files. Was anything major stolen?” I pretend to fill in the blanks.
“Right… impenetrable walls. That’s why I wanted to ask if you had any ideas. I used to hack some just for fun in college, but this isn’t coded like anything I’ve ever seen before. And to answer your question, no. Nothing major was stolen because we have some offsite disaster and data recovery locations. They aren’t on our company’s network. I checked and they were completely untouched. I’m just more concerned with the intention behind it.” I give myself an internal high five. And that my friends, is how social engineering works. Honestly, it eases my guilty conscience some knowing I didn’t destroy anything critical. It also gives me some ideas of how I’m going to work this going forward because the deeper I get, the less I want to fuck Carter over.
“I can understand that. We’ll just work through it on Monday when I can get eyes on it and see what we’re working with.”
“That sounds good. Also, one of my buddies from college works for the government on cyber-criminal cases, so he may have some ideas. But you’re right. Everything is fine for now, so we’ll just work through it on Monday. Now, let’s show these people how it’s done.” He smiles a huge smile and grabs my hand, pulling me towards a giant bounce house. I shriek and follow suit, a loud laugh escaping me. Who the hell is Carter Linwood, and what is he doing to me?
CHAPTER SEVEN
Carter:
I click on the company newsletter that pops up in my inbox from our Communications Department, and I stop not going any further because I’m caught off guard by the picture painting the front page. It’s a picture from last Saturday’s picnic, and it might just be my new favorite picture. Anika and I are in the bounce house with some employees and their kids, and it captures her mid jump with her Burberry trench coat and her dark hair flying in the wind. Her face is lit up with a carefree, joyous smile, and one of her arms is reaching out towards me as I do the same, caught mid- laugh. This photograph managed to capture the perfect moment. It was only a few minutes, but for those few minutes, Anika was happy and laughing and she seemed free from whatever it is that has a grip on her mind most days.
I scroll through the photos and see a few more of Anika playing with some of the employees’ kids on the playground, making sure they don’t fall and playing an epic game of freeze tag. She’s smiling brightly at the camera and something inside me ignites seeing her like this. I see the warmth and the compassion that she never shows, and it makes wonder about what life would be like with a woman like her, to fall asleep next to her at night, or have kids of our own. The very thoughts that used to cause me to break out into cold sweats, now give me new life. I don’t really even know Anika, but I know enough to know she’s different, and there’s something inside of her that calls to me. I send a quick email to the communications team, asking for the photos from Saturday and make a quick phone call.
I hang up the phone and there’s a slight knock on my door before Anika steps through, looking gorgeous in a fitted black dress.
“Do you have a moment?” she asks and I smile.
“For you, of course.”
“An issue has come up over at my business, and unfortunately for legal reasons, they need me to resolve it for them. Would you have any issue with me cancelling our meeting later so I can run over there and take care of some things?” she asks.
I’m not sure how she does it- running a business on her own while helping to run mine too. Truth be told I only scheduled that meeting for an excuse to be alone with her, so it’s fine.
“Do what you need to do. There weren’t any pressing matters to attend to today anyways. Will I still be seeing you tomorrow night at the gala?”
She smiles briefly before her face becomes all business once again. “Yes. I’ll be there. See you tomorrow, Carter.”
“Tomorrow, Anika,” I say more as a promise than anything, and she leaves, closing my office door softly behind her.
****
I secure my bowtie and take the drink from the cocktail waiter, thanking him. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Leanne approaching on the arm of her husband.
“You look stunning. You’re a lucky man, Walter,” I say in greeting, giving her husband and handshake and his eyes twinkle.
“I certainly am. Where’s your lady tonight, Mr. Linwood?” he asks and I look around not seeing Anika.
“I’m flying solo tonight.” I laugh easily and Leanne gives me a knowing smile. She helped me with my little plan so she’s aware of my intentions.
“Did you hear that Senator Jennings is coming tonight?” Leanne asks me, and I freeze.
“No, I didn’t,” I say stiffly, feeling as if I need to bolt for an exit. I can’t face that man. I will probably kill him. He’s the reason I am the way I am, the reason I need control in my life, and the reason I wanted to die.
“Look, there he is. He’s coming this way.” Leanne smiles, not knowing a thing about my past, or how my gut is churning. She steps away with her husband to give us some privacy, not that I want it. I need the buffer. This meeting was bound to happen at one point or another, but I’m not prepared.
“Mr. Linwood, I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure of formally meeting,” Lance Jennings’s smooth voice sounds behind me and I bristle. Lies. They roll so easily off of his tongue, but then again what do you expect from a criminal politician
I turn, plastering a lie of a smile on my face for the benefit of those around us and reach out to shake his hand. His cold gray eyes flash with humor. I see as the wheels turn in remembrance of all the shit he and his thugs did to me all those years ago. He’s in front of me, yet my mind can’t stop itself from replaying the scenes of faceless men and windowless rooms, the feeling of unwanted hands on me and the punishing blows to my face and ribs when I didn’t bend to their will. His hand slides into mine, and my skin crawls as I grip tighter than necessary. His smile doesn’t falter, but only widens at my growing agitation. I’m stuck, and he knows it. I’m caught between being a better man than I want to be and being the man his cruelty threatened to create.
“It has certainly been awhile since we’ve crossed paths, Senator,” I manage to say without anger lacing my tone. Something across the ballroom catches my attention. I look up to lock eyes on Anika in a form fitting, floor length gown. The deep pink compliments her skin tone and her dark hair beautifully. The sight of her is almost enough to make me forget…almost, if it weren’t for the way her face slides into an expressionless mask once more as she glances back and forth between the Senator and myself.
“She’s quite beautiful,” Lance says.
“She is,” I confirm stiffly, hating the way his eyes drink her in.
“She looks like trouble.”
“She looks like none of your god damn business,” I growl and he laughs. I can remember the way the sound of that same laugh echoed off concrete walls and it makes my stomach churn.
“I’ve got to be going now. Just had to show my face, but you take care of yourself, Carter. You’ve created quite an empire.” He pats me on the shoulder before disappearing into the crowd of people around us. I heard his words. I just wish the way they were delivered didn’t sound like such a warning.
I watch as Anika’s cold eyes follow Lance’s progress through the room and out the doors. It isn’t until they close behind him and his entourage that she turns back to me and starts forward. Though I find her behavior odd, it is quickly forgotten as I’m lost in the way the satin fabric clings to her hips and trails along the floor behind her. Her hair is tied in a loose knot at the base of her slender neck to show off the diamond earrings I had sent to her this morning. Something in my chest tightens as she steps within arm’s reach.
“You look magnificent,” I say, leaning in to kiss her cheek in greeting. Her warm scent engulfs me, and I find myself wanting to pull her closer and not let go.
“Thank you. You look very handsome yourself. I find it funny that we match perfectly,” she says in humor, reaching up to adjust my bow tie that perfectly matches the dark pink of her gown. She’s not my date, but if I can stake my claim in some small way, I’m going to do it.
“Isn’t it? That is funny,” I tease.
“I’m guessing I now know why Leanne wanted to see my dress so badly.” She smiles and it is absolutely radiant.
“I certainly have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“I’m sure you don’t,” she says as she takes the offered glass of champagne from a cocktail waiter. She takes a tiny sip before meeting my eyes again.
“I saw you speaking with Senator Jennings,” she says conversationally. “You looked uncomfortable.” She adds.
“Yeah, we aren’t exactly best friends,” I say, trying to lighten the tone, but she knows better.
“From what I hear he doesn’t play well with others, but I take it that your attitude towards him has nothing to do with you being a liberal and him being Republican.”
“You would be correct in your assumptions. Let’s dance,” I say pulling the glass from her hand and placing it on a nearby tray as I guide her to the middle of the dance floor. I need to distract her. She’s like me in the sense she’s always got to know every detail of everything. This is one story I don’t want her uncovering before I’ve got her where I want her.
“You’re almost as good as I am at evading certain conversations.” She smiles as I wrap my arm around her bare waist and pull her close to me.
“I don’t think anyone is as good as you at avoidance, my dear,” I say, and she laughs. I fucking live for that sound, just as much as I ache for the body that I have pressed up against me as we sway to the music.
“Thank you for the earrings. You really shouldn’t have sent them, but they are beautiful,” she says quietly.
“You’re welcome, and they were worth every penny just to see you wearing them,” I say into her ear as I smile down at her. Her eyes look up to meet mine, and her cheeks flush in a completely innocent way that causes my heart to pound inside my chest.
I continue to guide her around the dance floor, holding her close to my body where she fits so perfectly for the next few songs, chatting about nothing of any importance, but to me it means everything. She’s starting to open up little by little. It will never be enough, but it’s a start. For just a few minutes I can pretend she is actually mine, and damn does it feel good.