Chapter 23
Faith
"I mean, I missed you." I tried to recover my dignity even as I clung to Brenden in my tiny hallway.
The fact that he was in my dingy little apartment was a big enough surprise. I squeezed his arms again just to make sure he was real. He answered by lowering his smiling lips for another lingering kiss.
"I should have gone home, made myself a little more presentable," he muttered. "I just couldn't wait."
"I have a shower. The water's hot," I said.
He swallowed hard, then shook his head. "No, you're probably busy. Did you get all your schoolwork done? I haven't even asked about you."
Was he nervous? I slipped my arms up and around his neck and kissed him gently. "You came to see me as soon as you could. I'm good. I'm really good."
He rolled me against the wall and pressed against me. "A hot shower sounds good to me. What do you think?"
"I think you might need help adjusting the water temperature," I said.
I pinched myself again in the bathroom doorway. When I had left The Cottage, I knew that Brenden needed his space. He still had a lot of things to sort out on top of business. But that hadn't stopped me for wishing he'd come back for me any minute. I must have daydreamed this exact scene a dozen times since our weekend.
"I am so glad you were home." He nuzzled my neck as I started the shower. "This is the only place I've wanted to be."
I leaned back into his strong arms as steam filled the bathroom. "What if I had been working?"
He helped slip off my shirt and bra. "I would have come to see you there. And thought about this the entire time."
I couldn't speak as his hands skimmed up my naked body and cupped my breasts. I arched my back and gave into his caresses until the steam blurred my eyes. Then I helped him out of his suit and we stepped into the hot water together.
The streaming water between our kisses and our bodies tingled over every nerve, but it was Brenden's fingers that drove me wild. We faced each other under the shower head and I clutched at his hips, wanting him closer.
His flat palm felt along the shower wall and found a solid hold. His other arm wrapped around my waist as he leaned deeper into our kiss. I felt my back arch, one knee rising up as I gave into the kiss. My foot rested on the low ledge.
Our bodies slipped into place with such ease that I started shuddering with welcome right away. His breath caught over my kiss and we held our breath together. He pulsed under the hot pounding water until my steamy cries rose above the rushing water.
Afterwards, he let me rub his sore shoulders with a bar of soap. He took the suds and coaxed the bubbles over my body until I was blushing and heated again.
I turned off the shower and shook off the spray. "Now, you're going to need coffee for your jet lag. And I need to work on my business plan."
Brenden wrapped us both in a clean towel from the shelf he'd found. "Or we could move to your bed."
I kissed his springy chest hair but shook my head no so he could feel. "You're welcome to it, but I have to work."
"I'll help." He toweled me off and then grabbed his clothes.
He caught up to me in my bedroom as I pressed play on a voice mail. "Faith, this is Jeanne, the realtor. I held onto the listing for as long as I could but the sellers have found someone. Unless you can make a better deal today."
"Oh, god. I missed it!" I cried.
Brenden caught my arm. "She said you can still make a better offer."
I wrenched free and sank onto the corner of my bed. "I can't make any kind of deal. It was the perfect place and I screwed up by not being ready. What if that was my best shot?"
He reached out again. "There's got to be other places."
"But that was my place, you know?" I swiped my tears away. "That was the neighborhood, the community where I could really see myself."
He got dressed in silent empathy. I could see he felt awkward because our positions were so different. That made me even more determined.
"I just have to figure something out. I won't screw up again." I stood up.
He caught my hand and squeezed it. "Want me to stay and help?"
I kissed his cheek. "No, thanks. I've got to figure this out on my own."
I wanted him to stay. My body strained to wrap my arms around him. Then I thought of my perfect shop front being marred by some other owner. Oh god, what if it was a chain that would destroy the neighborhood?
Brenden was reluctant to leave, or maybe it was just the jet lag. It took a while for him to find his socks, his shoes, and then search for his keys. I told him I'd help, but he insisted on feeling around for himself. Part of me wondered if it was his way of getting to know me.
I wanted him to know me better. I wanted him to seek out every special object in my place and feel how it was attached to me, but my heart was breaking. All I could think about was the shop-front with someone else's sign over it. It felt weak that my dream was so closely tied to one location, but I knew deep down that this was the place. Without it, my bakery would not become the true community center I had dreamed up.
"Dinner tonight?" Brenden asked.
I tried to calm my voice so he wouldn't hear my sadness. "I wish. I have so much work to do."
"Breakfast?" He gave me a teasing yet hopeful smile.
"I have to work in the morning and then. . . " I didn't want to tell him I planned to stake out the shop-front and beg the new owners to take back their offer.
Brenden hugged me tight. "I'll see you soon."
I cried as soon as he left my apartment.
Why did my life always feel so unstable? As soon as one area was going great, the others tipped straight into the gutter. It had been too much to hope that I would get both the guy and the lucky break.
Fear clutched my heart. What if I failed again and Brenden witnessed it all? He would probably get sick of hearing my floundering around and would leave.
I paced my tiny kitchen and wondered for the thousandth time that day if I was doing anything right at all. Besides Brenden's surprise visit, I was seriously wondering about where I was in life. Did I really want any of this?
I stopped myself and pulled apart the tight threads of my anxiety.
I wanted a successful business, the neighborhood bakery I had dreamed up. More than that, I wanted to show Brenden that I owned a successful business. It was important that he know I was okay on my own. With his wealth, it was doubly important that I be able to pay my own way. I had to believe I deserved the kind of happiness he represented.
It was more than proving myself; Brenden made me want to believe in myself.