CHAPTER 15
Danica
SUNDAY
I got back to the church shelter, feeling like my entire world was crumbling to pieces around me. Everything had gone wrong, and the fact that everything seemed to have been going so right up until this point made it even harder to deal with. I couldn't believe how I had thought that my past wouldn't ever catch up to me though... I had done a terrible thing, and karma always finds a way to get back to a person – and right now, it had come straight back to me, and it was biting with a vengeance.
I took my bag to the bathrooms – the only place here where I would be able to have a bit of privacy – and locked myself in a stall. I got the old brown paper bag with all my money in it and started counting. There was just over three thousand in here, which I didn't think was too bad a total. I had imagined, all those years ago when I first ran away, that the ten thousand dollars I had taken from my dad wouldn't last me too long; maybe a year or two at the most.
However, I had quickly learned to be self-sufficient and had soon learned about how to live frugally, how to cut corners in the right places, and how to make a dollar stretch as far as it possibly could. Plus, there had been all the part-time jobs I had had over the years to help me get by and supplement my income.
Still, even with working multiple jobs, I hadn't been able to save, and the amount had steadily dwindled. I had used the money mostly on food and other essentials over the years, occasionally on places to stay, or clothes or other things, and sometimes dance lessons at cheap studios here and there – I had refused to let that dream die. Clinging to the hope that one day I could dance properly again was the one thing that had kept me going through all the tough times.
When the sum total of my money had dropped below four thousand though, I had decided to move back to the shelter. As much as I disliked it there, with the total lack of privacy and, of course, the fact that I had this stigma attached to me of being a homeless person, it was the only way I could stop the money hemorrhaging. Rent was a major expense in this city, even if you were staying in the smallest, dirtiest and most crowded hovels.
And even though I’d had to move back to the shelter, things had seemed like they were looking up. But things can't go right for too long without disaster striking. I had learned that many times.
And now disaster had struck yet again. I don't know how, but my father had found me. I don't know why he hadn't come himself, why he had sent that ugly tattooed thug instead, but that didn't matter. What did matter was that he knew where I was, and that he wanted his money back – and that he was prepared to do terrible things if he didn't get that money back. And I knew what my father was capable of, knew that it would be a very, very bad idea to test him on stuff like this. No, I had to get that money back to him somehow, because the consequences would be very severe if I didn't.
I sighed as I thought about Remy – I had dragged him into this whole thing as well. That really wanted to make me cry. He was such a wonderful, compassionate, kind-hearted man, someone who really didn't deserve to be involved in something like this. I couldn't believe how awful it was that I had managed to bring something like this into his life.
There was only one way I could make sure that his life didn't get ruined by this – and it wasn't what I wanted to do, but it was what I knew, deep down, that I had to do: I would have to cut him off, cut him out of my life completely so that his life wouldn't be tainted in any way by this sordid business of mine.
I broke down and started crying as this realization hit me. I cared so much for him, and I wanted so badly to be with him. I knew that I was in love with him and that I cared for him in a way that I had never cared for anyone else in my life before – and it was for this reason that I had to cut him out of my life.
I just didn't know how to tell him this... So, I did what I had done before. I turned my phone off and cut off contact but silently promised him that I would message him – the last message I would ever send him – when I had the courage to do so.
MONDAY
I was still wracking my brain, trying to figure out a way to come up with the ten grand I owed my dad. I had now wasted an entire day and a whole night trying to figure out what to do about this situation, but I hadn't managed to come up with anything. I had called the restaurant earlier to say that I wouldn't be coming in – and as soon as I had turned on my phone, I had been inundated with messages from Remy, none of which I had read. I wasn't yet ready to talk to him.
I turned on my phone again now, and this time a message from Tessa came through. It said that Remy had been at the restaurant looking for me. She said that she hadn't told him where I lived or anything, because she knew that perhaps I didn't want to be found. I texted her back right away.
Thanks for the message, and thanks for not telling Remy where I am. I really appreciate that. I need to talk to you, but not now. All I can say for now is that my past has finally caught up with me. Don't worry, I'm okay, I'm safe, but there are some things I need to take care of – and one of those, sadly, will be cutting Remy out of my life. I'll tell you more later. X – Dani.
I sent the message and turned my phone off again, and then unlocked the bathroom stall and trudged back to my cot. I put the bag with the money in it under my pillow and lay down. Remy was on my mind, and to be honest, I couldn't get him out of my head. Conversations we’d had, moments we had shared, the way he looked, smelled, felt and tasted... it all kept playing on repeat in my head, and soon the tears were flowing down my cheeks again.
“I'm sorry, Remy... I really am,” I murmured to the empty room. “I'm so, so sorry...”