Chapter 17
Faith
The beautiful Victorian mansion had a maze of back staircases, front staircases, and even narrow hidden staircases behind tight little doors. I followed Maria carefully and tried to keep track of where we were going.
"Don't worry," Maria said over her shoulder. "Just look for the water and you'll figure out where you are. The main rooms all look out over the bay while the servants’ quarters look out over the driveway."
"I don't need a fancy room," I told her. "It was much too generous of Brenden to invite me."
"Are you kidding?" Maria stopped on the second-floor landing. "I'm so happy you're here, I'd give you half my salary!"
I shook my head and scoffed. "That's nice of you to say, but Brenden felt sorry for me. He caught me heading out with no place to go and he's so kind, we ended up here."
Maria laughed. "You missed the part where Brenden was outside your apartment building just to check that you were okay."
My cheeks warmed. "Like I said, he's very kind."
"Oh, I agree with you on that, but don't you think there's a bit more where you're concerned?" she asked.
"Maybe," I admitted.
She studied my face closely. "Taking things slow is good, but refusing to accept such a gift is silly."
"It just feels really unequal," I confessed. "I don't have anything like this to share with him."
Maria put her fists on her hips. "Brenden hasn't been back to The Cottage since his vision deteriorated to blindness. The fact that you inspired him to come here again and be happy despite the differences is nothing short of a miracle. No one else has been able to do that for him."
She spun around and let that sink in as she led me upstairs again. My heart thumped, but not from the climbing. The idea that I was somehow special, that I was actually helping Brenden, made my pulse trip with excitement. Maria's words made my connection with Brenden actually seem possible. I wasn't very good at trusting my instincts after Jake, so the older woman's reassurances were a great comfort.
"I've given you the third-floor suite." Maria pushed open a set of double doors. "Brenden has the tower at the end of the hall."
My head spun. The double-doors opened into a sun-filled room. Two enormous dormer windows overlooked the bay and the far horizon. The expansive suite had two sofas sitting in front of a large stone hearth fireplace. A round cherrywood table with six hand-carved chairs created a private dining area. An antique sideboard was laid out with a silver tea set, fine china cups and saucers, and an overflowing basket of fruit.
"There are crackers and cookies and other snacks in the cupboard below. The electric tea-kettle works, just plug it in over there, and let me know if you have any other requests. There's always hot coffee in the kitchen," Maria said.
I couldn't take my eyes off the grand windows or the two over-stuffed window seats in front of them.
"The bedroom is just through here," Maria said.
I followed her through a graceful archway. A queen-sized four-poster bed hung with breezy curtains stood in the center of the room. One corner held a delicate antique vanity while the other had a small writing desk and Victorian fainting couch.
All in all, the suite was bigger than my apartment.
My ridiculously small overnight bag perched on the end of the bed. Jasper must have brought it up when we first arrived. I checked that my laptop and schoolwork was still inside.
"Brenden said you had a lot of work to do,” Maria said, “so I'll leave you to it. Dinner is normally at seven but if you get hungry, I always put out a cheese plate and veggies in the kitchen before. Brenden snacks all day, so don't hesitate to help yourself." She headed to the doors.
"Thank you!" I called.
She smiled and pulled the doors closed to give me privacy. Once they were shut, I stood dumbfounded in the center of the stunning suite. The surf drummed softly on the shore far below my windows, and I felt like I was in a castle in a fairy tale.
"Just get your head out of the clouds," I muttered to myself. "This weekend is supposed to be about work."
And Brenden had already inspired me. His comment about 'angel investors' had me thinking about how I could get my business off the ground. If the community liked my vision, they might be willing to chip in. There were so many ways to start funding online, and I was determined to try my best.
I pulled out my laptop and notebooks and positioned myself at the table. It would have been better to have my back to the serene view, but the light reflected badly off my computer screen. I would just have to keep myself focused.
It lasted all of ten minutes. Then I had to get up and walk to the closest dormer window. I crawled onto the comfortable window seat and gazed down at the shoreline. The view had a way of loosening the stress in my shoulders, and the soft pillows were pulling me into a delightful daydream.
Then my phone rang.
I answered it automatically and felt ice-water hit my veins as I heard Jake's gruff voice. "Oh, so now you pick up. What on earth have you been up to, Faith?"
"I have a life, Jake. I had to pull it all back together after you left, but I did it. So, what do you want?" I turned my back on the beautiful view and clenched my fists.
"Isn't it obvious? I came all the way to the city to find you," Jake said.
"And then you immediately started a fight and ruined my evening," I reminded him. "So, no. It's not obvious."
"I want you back, Faith. We took our time apart, you finally started to get your shit together, and now I think we have a chance."
I stood up on shaky knees. "Now we have a chance? What about before? We were engaged, we were planning a wedding, and then you decided there had to be something better."
"And now I know that what I want is you," Jake said.
My chest hurt to hear the words I had been hoping for him to say for months and months. Except now his declaration hurt in a different way. Like bumping an old scar on the corner of a table, there was a dull pain that only served as a reminder.
"What am I, your Plan B? You couldn't find anyone better, so you expect me to just be sitting around and waiting for you?" My voice rose. "You broke off our engagement, you took the ring back, and you broke my heart. Why would I sit around and wait for you?"
"Because you love me, Faith. Face it. I'm the one you’re supposed to be with."
"No. No." I paced the beautiful suite. "When you left, I learned that I need to be happy with me, myself. There are things that I want that have nothing to do with a relationship. I need to be my own person before I can be with someone else."
Jake snorted. "Yeah, like I said. You got your shit together. That's why we can work now."
Suddenly my head cleared like the sun burning through heavy clouds. I discovered a small door next to the fireplace led to a wide balcony and I put my hand on the handle.
"I love you, Jake, but you are not the man for me. I've moved on," I said.
"Moved on? More like you’re running around with some bozo and still lost as ever--"
I hung up on him and opened the balcony door. The soft breeze off the water cleared away the last of his harsh words and I stepped into the sunshine. I turned my phone off, slipped it into my pocket, and raised my hands up to embrace the refreshing breeze.
It felt so wonderful, I wanted more. I gripped the edge of the balcony and leaned into the wind. The breeze stripped away all my old doubts and fears. Jake wasn't the one for me and I wouldn't settle anymore. I'd told him the truth about finding myself first, and there in the bright sunlight I felt like I finally knew who I was. The feeling was so wonderful that I spun in a circle.
When I stopped, I knew I had made the right decision. From here on out, my life would only head in one direction: up.
As if to further solidify my declaration, I spied a narrow spiral staircase leading up and I was delighted to find The Cottage had a widow's walk. Perched high on the slope of the mansion's roof was a long, narrow walkway guarded by a wrought-iron railing. It had been used long ago for women to watch for their sailors returning home. I used it to say goodbye to Jake and imagined him sailing off into a different life.
When I finally turned around to climb down, I spied Brenden far below. He paced back and forth across the driveway with his phone plastered to his ear. I didn’t know how he counted his steps at the same time as carrying on what looked like a lively conversation, but his precise pacing had worn a groove in the gravel driveway.
I felt more like a bird than a spy, and truly, all I was doing was admiring him. Besides being devastatingly handsome, dressed in top fashion, and obviously wealthy, Brenden amazed me. He wasn't any of those outside things. He was the kind of man who took the time to talk with everyone. He smiled and always had a silver lining ready to point out. He was optimistic, sharp, witty, and self-deprecating.
It was the real Brenden that I was falling for, but with all his materialistic advantages, no one would ever believe me.
I let the bay breeze cool my cheeks again, but I still couldn't leave my high perch or my view of Brenden. He inspired me and, now more than ever, I needed someone to show me how to be strong and determined.
He could have handed his empire over to a reliable board or some other loophole, but he did all the work himself. He took pride in his company and his charity work, and he maintained his position in the community. Even though his deteriorating eyesight had handed him the perfect excuse, Brenden showed up for work.
I looked around again at the splendid house and the breathtaking view. He had suffered significant loss but his grief had not affected his work. He adapted. He let go. He got stronger.
I wanted all of that. I wanted Brenden to inspire me and show me. If I could settle at his knee like a bygone apprentice at the feet of a master, then I would be happy.
It didn't matter that every fiber of my being wanted more.
"How could I ever repay more?" I asked the shore breeze.
Then inspiration struck. I didn't need to be mooning around the widow's walk in a stiffening breeze when there was something real I could do to thank Brenden.
His blindness was a handicap in many things, but I knew it had given him gifts too. Back in the city, he'd scented me from yards away. He'd heard my voice over the cacophony of the coffee shop. I would bet my non-existent savings that his palate was impeccable. And I knew for a fact that Brenden had a sweet tooth.
I'd tasted it on his lips when we kissed.
I climbed down from the widow's walk and slipped back into my guest suite. It took me a moment to change my clothes and pinch myself—the suite still looked like it came straight out of a fairy tale dream. Then I continued down the stairs.
I made it all the way to the grand foyer and stopped.
Brenden was still pacing on the driveway and here I was playing around in his grand bayside cottage. How could he view me as anything but a silly, flighty little barista he'd picked up out of pity?
I'd seen Rachel, his ex. She was supermodel beautiful with none of the need to work. She’d towered over me at the counter and walked like her spiky heels were made of clouds. Rachel had been all style and grace and a lifetime of privilege. Next to her, I probably looked like a straggly dog that had been kicked once or twice.
Still, Brenden sought me out. He told me how my voice made him feel good. He kissed me.
"All that fresh air making you restless?" Jasper's polite question made me jump.
Had he seen me traipsing around the widow's walk? Brenden's driver and loyal friend didn't seem to miss much.
"I wasn't going to interrupt him. I was just heading to the kitchen," I said.
His stern lips quirked upwards at the corners. "You should interrupt him. He could use it. If it wasn't for you, he would have gone nearly two months before having a day off."
So, Brenden was still struggling to find his balance. The thought that my inspiration was just a little closer to my level made me like him even more. I had to stop myself before Jasper caught me gazing out the front doors.
"I hope I didn't put you out." I turned to face Jasper. "I'm sure you were planning on being in the city tonight."
"Me? I prefer it here." His face was deadpan but I could feel his sincerity. The Cottage felt like home.
And I'm sure Maria helped.
"Any hints at what to expect from dinner?" I asked.
Jasper's smile broke through. "Five courses minimum. Maria's a wonderful cook. And I'll help her pick wine to pair."
"So not pizza?" I joked.
Jasper shook his head, his bright smile still in place. "And he never brings business to the dinner table."
Was that a wink?
Jasper liked me. That thought propelled me down the stairs and through the tight hall to the kitchen. If Jasper hadn't immediately boxed me out of Brenden's life, then I had a chance.
Or he thought I wasn't any kind of threat at all.
I marched into the kitchen despite all my out-of-reach desires and my cutting doubts. Maria was already directing two helpers as she prepped different pieces of the courses. She looked up and was surprised to see me.
"Study break?" she asked.
"Practical lab," I joked. "Is there a corner of counter space and an oven I could use?"
Maria cleared a corner of the kitchen larger than my living room and kitchenette combined. "Brenden mentioned you might want to do a little baking?"
I nodded and got to work.
All I could do was take the next step, and I needed to thank Brenden for his generosity. He'd offered me The Cottage for the weekend and instead of scrounging my cupboards for instant noodles, I was going to meet him for a gourmet dinner.
The least I could do was make him dessert.