Awaking, for me, had always been a chore done reluctantly and sloppily.
It was the mark of a new day—or a new night, depending on the hour I awoke—and signified a fresh dose of emptiness. Waking up meant I had to face my shit, and I was always disinclined to do so, choosing to run instead.
I awoke in my bed again with the pale light of early morning, but this time, my brain wasn’t throbbing from withdrawal. I didn’t feel my usual disorientation, and my hand wasn’t clasped around the neck of a bottle.
Perhaps it was because I was sober for once. Perhaps it was because Karin Beckett was beside me.
I frowned at the unfamiliar sight. It was surreal to see her long, fiery hair strewn across my bed like wildflowers. She slept on her stomach, her cheek pillowed on one arm. The other was outstretched beside her, flung out in abandon.
For such a small woman, she sure took up a lot of space.
She took all the covers too, and it was cold as hell, but I was content to let her sleep.
My gaze fell onto the flash drive on the bedside table, and the self-preserving part of me kicked into high gear instantly, telling me that it was beyond foolish to give up something that could potentially incriminate me.
All the same, I couldn’t deny logic. I was quite honestly done with running. It had grown too exhausting, not to mention it hadn’t worked in the ten years I’ve done it and wasn’t likely to work in the next decade either.
And now that I’d finally stopped, I found it wasn’t quite so bad. It was almost…liberating.
Karin shifted in her sleep then, a faint notch appearing between her brows.
Odd. I had always assumed that Karin dreamt of rainbows and butterflies.
I smoothed away her frown with a finger, and she stirred, cracking her eyes open. I felt that pang in my chest again with those gray eyes taking me in.
“Hey,” I murmured.
“Hey.” Karin stretched, arching her back like a cat. “Before you ask,” she said sleepily, “yes, you’re still in a dream. My dream, because only in my dreams do I wake up beside guys this hot.”
I raised a brow. “Nice to know I’m one of the few.”
“Anytime.” She pillowed her hand on her cheek again, taking me in with a soft expression. “You look good, you know.”
I knew what she meant. My eyes had likely lost the bloodshot and shadowed look that came with over-drinking, and my jaw wasn’t tight from a migraine.
“It seems you have a sobering effect on me.”
“Told ya.” Karin’s expression dimmed slightly as her gaze went to the corner of my bedroom. “You were leaving, weren’t you? You’re all packed.”
I glanced at the luggage there, knowing there wasn’t a point in denying it. “My flight to London is at the end of the week.”
“That’s all you’re taking with you? I kinda expected more.”
“I’m shipping your paintings separately by express. Can’t have the airlines fucking it up. That aside,” I inclined my head. “Never been one for personal possessions.”
Karin didn’t meet my gaze. “If I didn’t ask, were you gonna say goodbye?”
“I don’t know.” I watched her closely, not missing her careful nonchalance. “All I know is I don’t want to.”
“Oh.” Karin’s eyes went wide at my answer. “Ohh.”
Something in her tone caught my suspicion. “What are you plotting now?”
Karin blinked in what she surely expected was a look of innocence. “Who, me?”
“You realize you’re a terrible liar?”
“Ha! I’ve fooled Ryland and Allie thousands of times. You just seem to know, for some reason. Do I have a tell?”
“Yes, you do. You’re also trying to change the subject.”
“Am not.” Karin squinted at me. “So what’s my tell?”
“Your left eyebrow twitches ever so slightly when you lie.” I sat up on the bed and reclined, feeling more relaxed than I had been in years. “Talk, Karin. What are you plotting?”
“Honestly? I’m wondering how I can make you stay. And don’t look so skeptical. You haven’t even heard what my idea is.”
Karin shifted to prop her head on her fist. The covers fell to her stomach as she moved, giving me a perfect view of pink-tipped breasts.
Holding my gaze with a naughty smile, she walked her fingers down my chest, heading lower down my abdomen.
My cock swelled in response, already anticipating her hand on me.
“I haven’t thanked you for yesterday,” she purred. “It was so good I slept through the night.”
My lips curved at the thought of an encore. “Quite sure I should be the one thanking you. You let me tie you up.”
“Agree to disagree,” she breathed, her gaze going silver. Her hand descended ever lower…
Then suddenly, her stomach growled.
Loudly.
Karin clutched her stomach. “That… wasn’t me.”
I gave her an arch look, and she slapped her hand over her eyebrow and scowled.
“Dammit,” she muttered. “Don’t suppose Mrs Smith left you anything in the freezer? I’d die for one of her chicken pies right now.”
“My fridge is barren, unfortunately.” I paused. “Where are you headed after this?”
“No plans yet. Usually I’d be in school, but I’m pretty much graduated. And Ryland and Allie are still in Paris, so I guess Estelle’s confession will have to wait one more day.”
“I see.” I paused again, trying to find the words to ask her.
We stared at the covers between us in awkward silence until Karin suddenly blurted, “Lunch?”
My lips curved. “And dinner.”
“Sounds good.”
“Great.” I nodded. “Excellent. I’ll take you back to your place then.”
“I’ll shower and get changed real quick,” Karin agreed. Then she squinted at me. “For a guy who’s been around the block, you sure suck at asking girls on dates.”
“That’s because I don’t.”
“Oh please, you don’t mean to say you’ve never dated.” Her eyes went wide at my narrowed look. “Wait, really? Like never, ever? Seriously? Did I wake up in another dimension?”
“I simply wasn’t looking for a relationship.”
“So you’re a hook-up kind of guy. Got it. How many girls have you—”
“It doesn’t matter,” I cut in. “None of them did.”
Karin bit her bottom lip, pleased at the answer. “Okay, so this is like, your first ever date.”
My eyes narrowed. “I’m not some virginal bride, Karin, I’ve been on dates.”
“High school doesn’t count,” Karin returned without missing a beat. “I guess it’s up to me to show you around town. You’ve only seen the shady sides of New York, but I know allll the good parts. You’re gonna love it.” Then she frowned. “Oh, but there’s a problem. We can’t take your car around Manhattan. Ryland’s lookouts will spot us in a minute and we’d both be dead.”
“Not an issue.” I took my phone from the bedside table.
“What are you doing?”
“Getting a new car.”
“What! No! Jesus, you rich folks…” Karin gaped at me like I was a species of animal she’d never seen before. “No, we’re gonna do it the old-school way.”
I was instantly suspicious. “Why do I have the feeling I’m not going to like your suggestion?”
Karin’s only response was an angelic smile that didn’t fool me the slightest.
We stood shoulder-to-shoulder an hour later in a train carriage that smelled of stale sweat and urine.
“You look like you just stepped in poop.”
I exhaled irritably, taking a long, hard look at my surroundings. “I’m not sure I didn’t.”
“Welcome to New York’s subway,” Karin said cheerfully.
Apparently, Karin’s idea of old-school was public transport. One would have thought I’ve have learned better by now than to go with one of her surprises.
I gritted my teeth and pulled her closer to me and away from the shady fucker beside her who was standing too close for my liking.
“Come on,” she grinned. “Don’t tell me you haven’t been on a subway before.”
“I have, just not New York’s,” I said stiffly.
The man beside Karin took another step towards her, and I shifted her to stand right in front of me, encircling my arms around her to brace against the side of the carriage.
Then I shot the fucker a look that promised death. He shuffled two steps back and made his way to another part of the train.
“Thanks.” Karin held onto the lapels of my coat for balance. “He was getting a bit too close.”
“Don’t take the subway if you can help it. Especially not when you’re alone.”
“But it’s economic! And it helps the environment.”
“Karin, you are not sacrificing your personal safety for the bloody environment.”
She gasped. “So to you, I’m more important than the planet?”
“You sure are daring today,” I remarked. But in the reflection of the darkened windows, I noticed Karin grinning to herself.
She burrowed deeper against me. “If you stay, you could look out for me. Not that I can’t do it myself, but it’d be nice to have someone take care of you.”
I paused at what she said.
Could I stay? If I did, I could keep her safe if she’d let me. That was a massive plus point.
I realized that it was also an excuse, of course, but I wasn’t above latching onto it.
“But I guess I should ask you first, huh?” Karin bit her lip. “Do you want to stay?”
I exhaled silently through my nose. “I do.”
A slow, wide smile spread across her face.
“Then that’s all that matters,” she said lightly. “We’ll have a normal date for today, and when the day is over, you can decide if you still want to leave. But I think I already know what your answer will be,” she added with a teasing grin.
We got off at 77 Street, and from there, Karin took off at a brisk pace towards Central Park. The skirts of yet another dress—light blue this time—whipped about her short legs.
“I’ve got tons to show you,” she informed me. “But first, coffee. Death before decaf, my friend.”
The place we wound up at was a sizeable establishment designed in Victorian-style architecture. It was situated in what looked like the middle of a forest, which struck me as an odd place for a restaurant.
The reason for that became apparent to me when we entered the restaurant. The back of it opened out into a large lake; this place used to be a boathouse.
Karin quickly gave our orders to the waiter and settled into her chair eagerly. “Nice, isn't it? I've always wanted to come here.”
I had to admit, it was. “You've never been here?”
“Nope, it's my first time too, but trust me, this place has amazing reviews…”
The ambiance here was different from the fast-paced bustle of New York, and the food turned out to be good. I found myself relaxing as the meal went on.
Karin gave a satisfied sigh as she polished off the last of her breakfast eggs. “That was nice.” She settled back in her chair, cracking an eyelid open. “Are we going Dutch? I don’t mind—”
“It’s a date, Karin. I’m paying.”
She bit her lip, looking shyly pleased. “Okay.”
But instead of leaving the place after our breakfast, Karin took me out to the back.
“So that was a great meal,” she chatted, “but not exactly what I had in mind for the main event. It’s this. Behold.”
I stared past her outstretched arms at the rows of wooden boats lining the harbor I’d somehow missed earlier.
“Absolutely. Fucking. Not.”
“But it’ll be romantic!”
“Karin, be reasonable. These aren’t motorized. They have oars, and I’m wearing a jacket.”
“Well then, take it off.” She said it like it was the most reasonable thing in the world.
I stared at the rows of boats again in growing disbelief.
Bloody hell. I was actually doing this.
Shedding my coat, I handed it to Karin, returning her grin with a narrowed look. I folded up my shirtsleeves and paid the money to the attendant.
Then we settled in the boat, which was small but thankfully sturdy.
“It’s fucking freezing, in case you’re wondering.”
“Well then, I guess you better start rowing,” Karin said demurely.
She lay against the stern as we went out on the water, her hands spread-eagled and trailing on the surface of the lake.
“This is so romantic,” she groaned dramatically at the sky. “I love it.”
“At least one of us does,” I muttered. But I was pleased that she was so clearly enjoying herself.
“I used to pretend I was Ariel, you know,” she sighed. “She’s short, I’m short. She’s got red hair, I’ve got red hair… ish.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“The Little Mermaid? There’s this scene where the prince takes her out to the lake on a boat.” Her voice was dreamy and breathless. “She was wearing a blue dress just like me now, and he’s falling in love with her. On the lake, he leans in and…”
“Fucks her?” I guessed.
“It’s Disney!” Karin popped her head up and scowled at me from across the boat. “You’re doing this on purpose.”
“Personally, I don’t see the similarities. It’s not night time, and there isn’t a singing Jamaican crab to annoy me.”
“Ha.” She lay back down on the stern. “I knew it, you do know the movie.”
“You told me about it before. Back then, you insisted you had blue eyes like the mermaid.”
“It is blue, under certain lighting.”
“Color-blind, are you?” I remarked.
Karin shoved upright and splashed me with water. I cracked a slow grin as she laughed, taking in the way her face lit up.
“I’ve half a mind to take you behind those trees right now,” I murmured. She looked so intrigued that I had to add, “There might be leeches.”
Karin sighed wistfully. “I guess it’s not all like in the movies.”
We settled into a companionable silence, Karin content to take in the surrounding lake as I rowed. Aside from a handful of other boats, we were alone out here. It was peaceful and strangely quiet, not something I’d ever have expected to feel in New York.
I watched Karin as she closed her eyes, tipping her face to the morning sun. The light caught the gold in her hair, the light pink of her lips, the warm cream of her skin. She was utterly beautiful.
Just for today, I thought. Just for today I’d be with her as her date, pretend that this day would stretch into a lifetime. And at night, I would take her back to my bed, worship her until morning. I’d see the sunlight reflected in her sleepy eyes as the sun came up, marvel at the way her hair spread across my pillow.
But I also knew that one day wouldn’t be enough. It would never be enough.
The idea I had been toying with for weeks became impossible to ignore:
If I could somehow become worthy of her…?
“You’re frowning again.” Karin watched me curiously. “What are you thinking about?”
For an inexplicable reason, I felt almost brave. “Karin, I know it’s too early to ask, and I know I don’t deserve to ask it.” I set the oars aside, not wanting anything else in the way of the most important question I’d ever ask.
“But I’ve been thinking,” I began carefully. “I have a plan to… to change, if you will. And no matter what you decide, it’s something I’m going to do. But it would mean a lot, that is, it would give me hope if you think you could…”
“Forgive?”
I let out a breath. “Yes. That.”
I waited for Karin’s answer, every heavy beat of my pulse seeming to hinge on her next words.
A slow, beautiful smile spread across Karin’s face.
“Of course I could,” she said softly. “I want to.”
“Good.” I nodded, relieved and hardly believing my ears. “That’s good.”
Karin beamed at me, and suddenly I felt like a right tool for putting this off for so long.
This was right. This was what I should have done from the start.
“Now would be a good time to kiss me,” Karin prompted.
I obliged, pulling her to me for a long, lingering taste. She was sweet, warm with sunshine and innocence.
“Does this mean you’re going to stay?” she asked breathlessly when we broke apart.
I ran my thumb over her cheek, drunk on the way she was gazing up at me through her lashes. Now that I finally had a shot at her forgiveness, I would not stop until I earned it.
“Yes,” I murmured in wonder. “I suppose I am.”
***
Karin took me about the city for the rest of the day, showing me her frequented spots and sharing anecdotes about her life. It was late in the night by the time we were done with dinner at her favorite pizza place.
New York was packed at night, that I could see, but the part of the city we were in was also brimming with a less than savory crowd.
However, Karin was adamant that we get back to my place via subway.
I was reluctant to be traipsing around like an easy target, but she assured me repeatedly that it was perfectly safe.
“We’re only five minutes from the station. I know a shortcut.”
Her shortcut turned out to be a dark alleyway between two buildings.
My hackles raised instantly. “Karin, do not tell me you’ve been going this way alone.”
“Heck no, never alone. Always with someone.”
That didn’t ease me much. “We’re going to take a cab.”
“The subway’s faster,” Karin insisted. Without waiting for my reply, she turned into the alley, throwing me a sultry glance over her shoulder. “I don’t know about you, but I’m kinda in a hurry to get back to your place.”
Then she went on ahead of me, her ass swishing with every step.
My lips curved reluctantly. Bloody hell, but she knew exactly how to get to me.
Nothing would happen in five minutes, I surmised. We were a single block away from the main street, and I could hear the bustle of heavy traffic and pedestrians loud and clear. My paranoia was residual of my time in Barclay, but that was a good twelve years ago. I had to let go of that now.
Besides, I was far too eager to have Karin in my bed again.
I caught up with her, and she gave me a grin that made me glad I had given in.
We weren’t alone for long, however.
My instincts grew alert when a man in a hooded coat turned into the alley from the end across us, but I relaxed slightly when I saw that his gait was steady. Not a drunk, then.
Nonetheless I shifted Karin to my right, putting my body between her and the man when he would pass.
Karin grinned at the gesture, slipping her hand into mine.
“Thanks,” she whispered. “I knew you’d take care of me.”
But nothing happened as it should have the next few seconds. The man didn’t pass us like I’d expected.
I caught the moment his footsteps angled towards us. There was a glint of metal, and without thinking I shoved Karin behind me.
Pain shot through my abdomen like I’d been punched, and I staggered a step back.
“Excuse me, sir!” Karin cried. “What do you think you’re—”
“Run,” I rasped, thrusting her away from the man and me. “Run!”
“Theo, why—” She froze when her gaze fell to the knife plunged in my side. “Oh my god.”
The look in the man’s eyes was intent as he turned to Karin, and I knew that whoever hired him had also given another order:
Leave no witnesses.
I grabbed onto his hand around the knife handle, holding the blade in my side. The pain was pure fire in my veins, but Karin couldn’t get hurt. Not her.
“Run.” The pain was making me black out. I yelled when the man twisted the knife, but I held on tight. “Go!”
Karin took off towards the main street. I knew she was crying for help, but I couldn’t hear anything above the blood rushing in my ears.
“Who?” I gasped. “Who sent you?”
The man said nothing as he yanked the knife free from my body, sending white-hot sparks of pain through me. He took off deeper into the alley, away from Karin.
I slumped onto the ground on my knees, furiously blinking the spots from my vision. My hands were pressed into my side where I thought the wound was, but I couldn’t see anything but blackness.
I heard footsteps around me, voices yelling.
“Karin.” I grasped blindly.
Her hands clutched mine tightly. “I’m here. Theo, I’m here. The ambulance is coming, hold on…”
“Hurt?”
“No.” She sobbed. “No, I’m okay. Just hold on, please. It’ll be okay.”
I vaguely felt myself keeling, but I was caught against a soft, small body before I hit the ground. The blood pooling around me felt disconcertingly warm, even as the rest of my body chilled.
The life was literally draining out of me. No matter what Karin said, it would not be okay.
But she was safe.
Karin was safe, and that was all that mattered.