I yanked my blue knit scarf tighter about my neck, clomping my faux-leather boots through the icy sludge that was a sad brackish-brown under the street lamps.
New York did not snow prettily in January, and the wind was howling in my ears even through my matching wool beanie. The wintry air blowing inland from the river was cold as heck, and my parka and jeans were doing nothing to block the wind. I was practically shivering body waves as I made my way through the deserted factory district in Brooklyn.
Just an hour ago I had been nice and snug in Allie and Ryland’s penthouse, chatting over after-supper drinks when Ryland got a call from Gabriel. Theo had been spotted in the wharf district in Brooklyn.
Ryland had wisely decided not to come; if someone like him were to be seen here, his stock prices would plummet.
And so here I was—not that I had much of a choice. By going to Theo that night, I’d opened a can of worms.
Now it was time to lie in it.
The shadow of a massive brick building soon appeared at the end of the road, looking much like all the others I had passed on my way here. The only difference was the rows of luxury cars parked in the lot outside.
That, and the fact that the building was lit up on the inside, with bass music pounding so loud I could hear it even from five blocks away.
A party in an abandoned factory. I raised my eyebrows. Rich folks were weird.
When I got close enough to the gates, I saw that they were manned by two guards on lookout, with several more patrolling the area outside. I felt sympathy for them all the way down to my frozen feet.
Doubling over to avoid discovery, I snuck around to the back of the building and shimmied through a hole in the rusted fence.
From there on, it was a piece of cake. The back entrance of the massive building was a single metal door that looked like it led to a torture chamber.
I hurried over and slipped inside.
It was like stumbling through a reverse Narnia portal, from an icy world into warmth. Humid air hit me like a solid wall, and the howling wind in my ears was replaced by loud club music.
I made my way down the dimly lit passageway, which opened into a massive factory space that had been cleared and converted into a club. The sheer number of people packed into the place was insane. It reminded me of the parties Theo used to have back in San Juan multiplied by ten and sans the fighting.
But as I ventured deeper into the place, I realized that that wasn't the only difference.
The people here weren't dancing exuberantly like they would in a club. Instead, they were swaying in a strange way, moving like they were underwater.
I frowned, puzzled.
It looked as if they were...
“Whoa!” I stumbled back when a huge guy bumped heavily into me. He wasn't holding any beer in his hands, but his face wore a vague, empty smile.
“Sawry,” he slurred. His red-rimmed eyes were two vacant pools of black.
I paled.
This guy wasn't drunk. He was high as a kite, and so was everyone here.
Looking around again, I spotted clusters of semi-conscious people sprawled over the expensive furniture at the sides of the dance floor.
Some were snorting lines of powder off the boobs of half-naked girls. Others were grinding offbeat to the music, and some were just outright having sex. Everyone was smiling in that creepy, vacant way, like they were beautiful dolls instead of people.
It was a scene straight from hell.
Swallowing hard, I looked back towards the exit, tempted to run back home to warmth and safety.
But I also needed to know if Theo was alright.
Pulling my parka tighter about me, I elbowed my way through the partiers on the dance floor, searching the sea of empty faces and hoping I wouldn’t find Theo in one of the orgies.
My heart sank when I spotted him a moment later.
Theo was at the edge of the dance floor, going at it with a redhead in the world’s tiniest mini dress like she was the last woman on earth.
An ugly feeling crawled up my chest.
This wasn’t as bad as an orgy, but it was pretty danged close.
I made my way through the crowd, pushing past the people who parted for me without resistance. Theo and the woman didn’t even notice when I was right behind them.
“Excuse me.”
They didn’t hear me, still preoccupied with eating each other’s faces.
I scowled and cleared my throat louder. “Ahem!”
Theo froze, then slowly, he disentangled himself from the woman.
“You,” he murmured, staring at me like I was an illusion he had conjured up. “You're here.” Then his spellbound gaze broke, giving way to fury. “What the hell are you doing here?”
The redhead clutched Theo's arm and nestled it between her boobs. She looked me up and down like I was something the cat had dragged in. “Who are you?”
“Karin. And you?”
“Natalia,” she said snarkily. “We're a little busy here?”
Theo stood by her side, watching me in a mix of anger and lust. I tried to ignore the fact that his attraction wasn’t for me.
“Get out of here,” he gritted.
My mouth fell open. “But I just got here!”
Natalia smiled sweetly. “He's not interested, honey, learn to read the signs.”
“I was talking to you, Natalia. You’re not needed now.”
It was the redhead’s turn to look outraged. “What the fuck?”
“You heard me.” Theo jerked his head in the direction of the crowd. “Move.”
“You piece of shit!” Natalia flipped him off before storming away.
To my relief, Theo’s furious gaze remained on me instead of her retreating ass.
I folded my arms, taking the rare opportunity to be the grown-up between the two of us. “Is that your hobby now? Swapping spit with women you don’t know? Yeah, you didn’t know her name before this, I caught that.”
Theo practically snarled as he grabbed a shot of clear liquor off the tray of a passing waitress in a Playboy bunny outfit. He threw the entire contents back in one swallow.
I wrinkled my nose. “That’s not the same as brushing your teeth, you know that right?”
“You,” he snapped. “What the fuck are you doing here? No—how the fuck did you get here?”
“Gabriel told Ryland over the phone.” I held my hands up. “I know, I eavesdrop a lot, but that’s a bad habit I’m trying not to kick. As for how I got here.” I shrugged. “I took the subway. Duh.”
Theo went deathly still. “The nearest station is a five-minute drive away,” he said, visibly trying to keep his voice even.
“And a twenty-minute walk. You know, when it’s summer and like a thousand degrees out, I keep wishing winter would come quickly, but when it’s finally here—”
“You walked. You walked a mile in winter.” Theo’s expression was pure murder now. “You bloody fool!”
I gaped. “Stop calling me that! Maybe it's not so mean in England, but it really hurts my feelings.”
“Fuck your feelings,” Theo snapped. “Stay right here. Don’t. Move.”
I remained in position as he went to the bar and came back with a shot of something pink and delicious-looking.
He handed it to me. “Drink.”
“Is it a strawberry bomb?” I held it up for a better look. “It looks pretty.”
“Karin, I swear to god—”
“Jeez, okay. No need to get all growly.” I tossed back the shot, and the alcohol warmed me up from the inside out instantly. “Oh, that’s nice. Another, please.”
“Absolutely not.” He took the shot glass from me and deposited it with another waitress.
“You’re policing my alcohol intake now?” I demanded. “That’s kind of hypocritical, don’t you think? Everyone here is... I want to say stoned, but it's not just weed, is it? What kind of party is this, exactly?”
“The worst kind, which means it's none of your fucking business, and out of your fucking depth.”
“I should call for an ambulance just in case. This isn't normal. Or safe,” I added.
“Nothing about me is, princess, you already know that.” Theo’s gaze sharpened as my hand crept towards my satchel. “If you lay even one finger on your phone, I'll break it.”
I blanched. “My finger?”
“The phone.” Theo looked like he wanted to strangle me before he thought the better of it. “Get out of here, Karin, this place isn't for you.”
“It's not for you either.”
“On the contrary, I belong right here.” Theo looked away, his jaw tight with tension. “Leave, Karin. I’m not giving the drive to you.”
Forget the flash drive, I was worried about him. Theo didn’t have his usual self-assured swagger and smoothness. He looked tense and on-edge. He was definitely on some of the stuff that everyone else in this place was on, and it scared me a little.
I set my chin. “I’m not leaving until I know for sure that you’re not going to end up dead in the morning.”
“You can't be serious.”
“I try not to be, but even I slip up sometimes.”
Theo stared at me like he had never seen me before. “Good god, I almost forgot how stubborn you are.”
“Exactly. You already know you’re gonna lose, so let’s not drag this out.”
Theo didn’t return my coaxing smile.
“Come on, you know I’m not gonna leave. Please?”
To my relief, Theo cursed and took my hand in his. My heart skipped a beat as his warm fingers wrapped around mine.
“I’m going to fucking regret this,” he muttered. “Stay close to me and don’t make eye contact with anyone.”
I didn’t have a choice in the matter, because Theo pulled me into his side protectively, keeping me under his arm as he led me off the dance floor. I bit my lip and held onto his jacket, trying to ignore that my heart was speeding up just by being so close to him.
“Why are we going downstairs?”
“You’ll see why in a moment.” He gave me a look that was unreadable. “And then you leave.”
“The basement though? That’s super shady. Horror movies start this way and end with the girl being murd—”
“No one’s going to hurt you or they’ll answer to me. This way.”
The stairs led to a huge basement with a ceiling that was at least three floors high. They could have easily fit a herd of African elephants in here.
Instead, they outfitted it with gaming facilities. It was a whole different scene here—hazards and craps tables, dozens of people deep in card games.
“Is this an illegal casino?” I asked in a hushed, awed tone. Theo was showing me his world, and thankfully, it wasn’t that bad.
I looked around in open curiosity, finally noticing a mean-looking cage in the middle of the area.
It was reinforced on the top and sides with old, sturdy metal, and was surrounded by a small crowd of unexpectedly well-dressed people.
Feeling worried, I got on my toes to see. Were there animals in there or something?
“Oh my god.”
My heart plummeted to my stomach when I saw what was inside.
Instead of animals within the cage, it was humans. Two shirtless men were grappling on the concrete floor which was dotted with sweat and blood.
I had watched enough late-night bootleg movies to know what this resembled.
We were at an underground fight.
“Theo?” I clutched his hand tightly. “Tell me this isn’t what I think it is.”
Theo kept his tone even as he led us a safe distance away. “I told you it was no place for you.”
“I didn’t know something like this even existed,” I whispered as I watched the vicious fight in the cage, unable to tear my eyes away.
Theo pulled my back to his front, keeping his arms around me protectively. His body surrounded me like a shield from the chaos, the heat from him warming me like a blanket.
“It’s New York,” he murmured, “where Wall Street bankers hire professional doms to whip their asses because they want to be the ones humiliated for a change.” His lips twisted. “There’s every kind of debauchery in this city if you know where to look.”
“And you do?”
“I do.” It was a low admission, without either pride or guilt.
I felt my heart break a little. Theo may have left San Juan, but the darkness had gone along with him.
“Why a cage?” I swallowed. “A ring would have worked just as well.”
Theo rubbed his thumbs back and forth over my upper arms, as if trying to comfort me.
“It adds to the perverse excitement. The organizers, and even the fighters themselves want it this way. They want to hear the metal gates clang as they’re chained shut, see that flicker of fear in the fighters’ eyes. Everyone who steps into that cage feels that fear, on some level. Some hide it, some use it to their advantage, but every single one of them is fucking scared.”
I was shaken as I watched the two men pounding at each other. The crowd cheered their approval and money exchanged hands.
“Why do they do it?” I whispered.
“Because feeling fear is better than feeling nothing at all,” Theo said quietly. “These people get in the cages to feel alive.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“For whom, the ones fighting, or the ones watching?”
“All of you.”
I felt his soft laughter against my hair. “You’re still the same,” Theo murmured. “Still so bloody good and kind. Didn’t the world corrupt you, even just a little?”
“I’m not a saint, Theo.”
“Beside me, you are.”
“You’re not a devil either.”
“I might as well be.”
I shook my head stubbornly. He was selfish and cruel, and so very flawed. But underneath all that he was just a man.
The fight was soon concluded, and the man who had lost was practically carried out of there. I exhaled, relieved that it was over.
Then Theo began to unbutton his jacket.
No. Way. “Please don’t say what I think it is.”
Theo shrugged a loose shoulder, meeting my horrified gaze in silent challenge. “I’m going in.”
“No.”
He ignored me and snapped his fingers at a bouncer standing by. “Guard her.”
The man nodded once. “Yes, sir.”
“Theo? Theo, wait!” I watched in sickening fear as the crowd parted for Theo.
He shrugged off his jacket and unbuttoned his shirt, handing them to an attendant waiting by the cage. Then he pulled on a pair of light boxing gloves and got into the cage without so much as another look at me.
A man with the physique of a bear joined him inside a moment later, and the gates clanged shut behind them.
My heart turned into ice.
Oh, Jesus, that was who he was up against?
I turned to the bouncer urgently. “You need to stop them!”
“Sorry, ma’am. Rules are rules.”
“Rules? This is illegal!” I turned back to the cage in despair as the growing crowd closed in around me. Theo’s match was clearly the draw of the night.
The two men in the cage watched each other closely as they waited for the bell. Theo’s amber eyes were now filled with something feral, and I saw none of the fear he had talked about—only bloodlust.
It terrified me.
The bell rang, starting the match.
The other man attacked first, swinging a meaty fist into Theo’s stomach, moving way too fast for his size. Theo couldn’t dodge in time, but he took the hit without even flinching, never taking his intent gaze off his opponent.
I bit back a cry when the man swung again, but Theo sidestepped the next blow, seeming to rely on pure instinct.
He got back into the fight, but instead of observing the man like he had before, there was a renewed ferocity to his movements. He was graceful and lethal, delivering hits in strategic spots meant to injure. A punch to the kidney. A vicious kick to the knee.
All the while his cold expression didn’t change. There was no excitement, no triumph or fear on Theo’s face, only a chilling determination to hurt his opponent.
It wasn’t a fair fight at all, and the crowd knew it. They loved it, roaring their approval with every drop of blood that hit the ground. My hands clenched so tight that my nails dug into my palms.
It didn’t take long for the other man to fall on his hands and knees, coughing blood into the concrete.
But Theo didn’t stop there.
He yanked the man’s head by the hair and drew his arm back, ready to deliver a blow straight to his face.
“Theo, stop!” My frantic scream cut through the crowd and Theo suddenly went still, his arm frozen in the air.
The bell sounded then. It was the end of the match.
I nearly crumpled in relief as the gates were reopened. Theo’s opponent already had an eye swollen shut and had to be helped out of the cage by two referees. Meanwhile the crowd was going wild, jostling so hard around us that even the bouncer had trouble keeping them away from me.
I couldn’t believe what I had seen. I was sick to my stomach, and yet I couldn’t look away from the lone man in the cage who was looking down at his hands that were covered in blood. Theo was breathing heavily, his face carefully blank like he was trying not to show any hint of emotion.
Then he turned and looked right at me.
My breath caught.
His face may be unreadable, but his eyes… they told me everything.
This is what I am now, his haunted gaze said. This is how fucked up I got.
Heat blurred my vision. “Why are you doing this?” I whispered.
Theo said nothing, his chest rising and falling with exertion. His gaze scorched mine, showing more emotion now than they had the entire night.
I was afraid, I couldn’t deny it. I had seen Theo in a fight before, years ago, but even that had been tame compared to his detached violence now.
And my heart… it felt broken. I was filled with horror at what Theo just did, but I also hated the look of resignation in his eyes, like he had accepted that this ugliness was already part of him.
It wasn’t. I refused to believe it.
Never taking his eyes off me, Theo exited the cage and tossed his bloodied gloves aside. He grabbed the towel that was offered to him and wiped the sweat off his body before discarding it too.
Then he headed straight for me. The crowd gave him a wide berth as he came over, as if he was a wild animal that would attack at any moment.
He took my hand. “Come with me.”
“Wait! Are you hurt…?”
Theo didn’t answer as he took me up the stairs and out the back of the building. The heavy door clanged shut behind us as he led me into a side alley that was obscured in shadow.
There, he rounded on me, pressing my shoulders back into the brick wall. The night air outside was so cold that our breaths condensed into puffs of vapor, but Theo’s body heat was scalding, surrounding me in warmth. He was so close that all I could see was the simmering anger in his amber eyes and his bare chest heaving from exertion.
I licked my lips nervously. “Theo—”
My words were cut off when Theo took my face in his hands and crushed his mouth down to mine.
Our desire was instant.
I moaned softly, lacing my arms around his neck as my head fell back. The faint salt of his sweat lingered where he tasted me with his tongue, mixed with the sweet notes of liquor. Theo held my face firmly, kissing me in deep, urgent strokes.
“Karin.” He murmured my name between kisses like it was a prayer. “Karin Hope…”
There was a kind of desperation to Theo, as if he thought I would fade away if he stopped. His eyes were shut tight, a frown notched between his brows as he took my mouth. He looked like he was in the deepest pleasure and the greatest pain.
My legs began to go limp as Theo raided my mouth, and his arms slid around me to hold me steady against him.
This was actually happening, I thought faintly. I was in a forbidden place with a forbidden man who was kissing me like he couldn’t bear to stop. His tongue lashed at mine eagerly, and his hips trapped my body against the wall. I could feel how much he wanted me, every inch of him.
I wanted him, I realized. I needed to feel him inside me, and that wasn't about to change. His erection pressed against my stomach, hard against soft. I cupped my hand around it and caressed him.
A hoarse laugh escaped Theo as he dropped his head to my shoulder, thrusting helplessly into my hand. “Karin, what the hell are you doing to me?”
“Everything I want you to do to me.”
My body was heating up like a furnace in the winter air, and my layers of clothes felt too heavy. I wanted them all off. I wanted to feel my naked skin against Theo’s.
“Please,” I whispered against his lips. “I need you.”
Before he could say a word, I slipped my parka off, letting it fall to the ground. I took his hand, guiding it to my body clumsily. I didn’t care where he touched as long as his hands were on my skin.
Theo’s gaze burned on my face as he undid my jeans and shoved it past my hips. His hand slipped past the waistband of my panties, going between my thighs to where I was aching.
“Oh god…” My head fell back against the brick wall. “Yes.”
Theo began to pleasure me, letting his fingers slip over my clit, working the slick flesh there. I couldn’t stop moaning at the blissful contact. I grew wetter for him, my hips rolling helplessly.
Theo took me in with heavy-lidded eyes as he pleasured me. He cornered me against the wall, his powerful legs spread on either side of me to trap me there. He looked like the king of hell, all power and sin, watching me as I lost control. I wanted to surrender my body to him, to feel his stubbled jaw against my thighs as I begged him to take me.
“Show me your tits,” Theo murmured.
I reached down helplessly, dragging the hem of my t-shirt up over my breasts. His hand went around me to undo my bra, and the cups sagged down, revealing my body to him.
Theo’s heated gaze raked over me, not missing a thing. In that moment he was my audience and my master, watching me like I was his to pleasure. The intensity of his gaze told me that he was in charge, that I was at his mercy.
I barely stifled a moan when he brushed his knuckles against my aching nipples, when he rolled them between his fingers.
I couldn’t believe what I was doing. I was allowing my enemy to touch my body, close to begging him to take me. The forbidden nature of it only made me more aroused.
“Spread your legs wide.”
I obeyed, and his fingers quickened, stroking me the way I needed him to. I started panting from the sheer ecstasy. The wet sound of Theo’s hand pleasuring me was loud in the still night air.
Theo spun me around suddenly, bringing my back to his front. My eyes squeezed shut as he ground his erection between my ass cheeks. I grabbed the coarse bricks for purchase, nearly doubling over as I clamped my thighs around his vibrating hand.
“Yes,” I gasped, shaking with the need to come. “Yes, Theo…”
“My dirty little princess.” He bit down on my neck, suckling on my skin so hard it’d bruise.
My hips began buckling as he stroked me closer to orgasm, and his other hand massaged my breast roughly, the flesh spilling around his fingers as he squeezed. I needed more, needed him to fill me where I was aching for him, but Theo was merciless, giving me only this much.
“Theo!” I cried as the tension exploded inside me.
I rolled my hips helplessly on his hand as I came and came and came, crying out his name hoarsely. I was so ashamed at how much I desired this forbidden man, and that shame aroused me even more, making me come so hard my thighs trembled around his hand.
After the last throes of my orgasm, I fell back against Theo’s chest in a daze. I had climaxed so hard, and he’d only used his hands.
Theo seemed affected as well, hunched over me as he held me to his chest. I could feel the rapid beating of his heart at my back. The silence in the air was broken only by our heavy breathing and the faint dance music from within the building.
I clung to the support of his arms around me, confused and shaken with the realization that even after all these years, I wasn’t immune to Theo. I never thought I’d feel this way again for the man who had once broken my heart.
I swallowed hard. “Why did you… I know you want me too, so…”
“Why didn’t I fuck you?”
The curt way he said it made me wince. “Yes. That.”
“Because fucking you would be a mistake.”
I turned around to confront him about his callousness, but what I saw made me blink.
Theo’s façade was cold and unaffected as usual, but his eyes…
He looked so lost.
“I told you to stay away from me,” he said in a low voice. “I’m not some condemned soul that needs saving.”
“I’m not trying to save you,” I protested. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
Theo watched me grimly, the muscle in his jaw hard with tension. “Do you remember the day I asked you to be my girlfriend?”
I blinked, taken aback by the question. “I remember. I was jealous of the girls that were always around you, and you said…”
“Be mine, and there’ll only be you.”
My heart skipped at how intensely Theo was watching me. I reached out hesitantly and traced the scar at his side with my fingers, as if the action would bring us closer somehow.
“I said no,” I whispered.
“You did the right thing.” Theo’s grip shifted to my shoulders, easing me away from him. “You deserved better, and I proved it on the same day.”
“What do you mean?”
“Estelle came to me on the same night, after you turned me down. She wanted my help in extorting money from your father, and I agreed. The four of us came up with the plan, and the gun.”
“I know.” I swallowed. “Ryland told us.”
“Ryland doesn’t know the true the reason behind it.” Theo watched me closely, as if daring me to say something.
“I wanted to hurt you,” he said. “I wanted you to feel more for me than platonic friendship, even if it was anger. And I succeeded. I hurt you more than I could ever imagine.”
I was speechless. That was what had set everything in motion?
“Now you know,” he said evenly, “so Karin, for god’s sake, stay away from me. I don’t want to hurt you again.”
“Then don’t.”
Theo’s mouth curved without humor. “You should know by now that I ruin everything I touch.”
He might believe it, but even angry and hurt as I was, I knew it wasn't true. The way he’d kissed me earlier was like I was the most precious thing in the world.
It didn’t make sense how badly Theo was affecting me. Two kisses and one goodbye, that was all we ever shared.
So why did it feel like my heart was breaking?
“I told you before,” I said quietly. “I’m not afraid of you.”
“And I told you before that you should be.”
Theo’s face was unreadable as he set my clothes to rights, finally picking my parka off the ground and dusting it off. I took it from him with a mumbled thanks.
“Come,” he said. “I’ll see you off.”
Knowing better than to push, I followed him out of the alley to the parking lot at the front of the building. He took me to a valet who was waiting with a car, protecting my head with his hand as I got in.
“Wyatt Residence,” he told the driver. “Do not stop until you get there.”
“Yes, sir.”
I stuck my head out the window. “What about you? Aren’t you leaving too?”
Theo glanced back at the building. “I’ve got another bout in half an hour.”
My stomach sank. He’s going back in to fight?
“Don’t,” I pleaded. “Don’t go back there, come with me.”
He touched his hand to my cheek, his lips twisting like there was a secret joke that only he knew. “You’re trying to lead me off the path again.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Go home, princess.” Theo’s smile was mocking, but his eyes looked lonelier than anything I had ever seen. “Let’s not make this a habit.”