The smell of gunpowder and blood choked the air in Horace’s study. A cleaning girl was collapsed by the door, screaming for help, and Estelle was nowhere to be found.
I stood at the threshold of the room, stunned into silence at the scene. The moment I saw Horace Beckett's lifeless body slumped over his desk, I knew we'd fucked up.
It was supposed to be a game. It was never meant to end up in death.
Fucking hell.
Ryland closed in behind me. “What’s the matter, you look like you've seen a—” He halted in his step when he got a glimpse into the room. “What the fuck…?”
Gabriel and Cam were close behind Ryland, but before they could ask their questions, I turned and left the scene, making my way towards Estelle's bedroom in ground-eating strides. Servants rushed past me, arriving from all across the Beckett mansion, drawn by the sound of that single lethal gunshot and the servant girl’s screams.
I could practically taste the confusion and panic in the air, and I couldn’t lie:
I was afraid.
When Estelle had asked my help to extract money from Horace two weeks ago, the plan that had come to the four of us had been laughably simple.
Ryland would get hold of a gun. Estelle would take it to Horace and point it at her head, or hell, fire a stray shot to make it convincing. Horace loved Estelle more than life, and so he would give her the money. We’d each get a cut, and I would throw it in Karin’s face as revenge for her rejection.
Depraved as it was, it was supposed to be nothing more than a charade. A game. Now a man was dead, and not just any man—Karin’s father.
Fury choked me. For fuck’s sake, it wasn’t supposed to happen this way!
I burst through the door into Estelle's room, expecting to see my mother packing her things to flee.
Instead, she was seated at the foot of her bed wrapped in a silk robe, looking pale but otherwise composed. Her hands were clasped around a glass of wine, and they held not even a tremor.
That was when I knew.
She had planned this from the start.
“Tell me it was an accident,” I said hoarsely. “Tell me you didn’t just murder your boyfriend.”
“I had no choice.”
I was incredulous. She might have been discussing the weather instead of a fucking murder.
“No choice in shooting an unarmed man in his face? Do you even hear yourself?” I stabbed my hand into my hair, pacing the room like I was trapped. “How the fuck did a suicide threat turn into a homicide?”
Estelle pushed to her feet, her stiff movements showing the first signs of disquiet. “He was going to make a new will, Theo. I couldn’t risk him changing it.”
“So you killed him in cold fucking blood?”
“I’ve played this game for two years!” she snapped. “Lay on my back while that fat, greasy fucker stuck his cock into me! I’m not going to walk away a loser. I earned this.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. “You’re mad. You’re fucking insane.”
That word broke her composure even further. “Me? Insane? I feed you and clothe you, give you an education when all you've done is take!” She gestured angrily with her glass, and the liquid inside sloshed dangerously close to the rim. “That's all you men do! You use me, take from me like I'm some thing and throw me away when you're done. I'm done being a toy!”
“Do you even hear yourself? You're attempting to justify a murder.” I was stunned, barely recognizing the woman before me whose sanity was unraveling with every second. “You're coming with me.”
Estelle’s hand went to her throat, a strangely vulnerable movement from someone so dangerous. “Are you going to give me up to the police? But you can’t.”
I struggled to maintain my composure. “Mum, you just killed a man!”
“I have it under control.” The wine glass teetered as Estelle blindly set it down on a table. “Horace didn’t get to make that new will. I'm still the sole beneficiary. Millions and millions worth in cash and assets, all mine.” She came to me and took my hands in hers. “We’re safe, dear. Don’t be scared.”
“You're not going to escape this.”
“I will,” she assured me. “I have the gun.”
My blood ran cold at that revelation. I knew without any reminder that the weapon used to kill Horace Beckett had my friends’ fingerprints on it. They’d handled it before giving it to Estelle, and knowing her, she would have kept the weapon free of her own.
“You want to frame them for it,” I said hoarsely.
Estelle nodded several times, pleased that I had come to the conclusion on my own. “I’ve already sorted out everything on the police’s end. Anything is possible with money, dear, you'll learn that when you get older. For now, listen to me and we’ll both be safe.”
“Give me the gun,” I said in a low voice, amazed that it was still steady. “They have nothing to do with this.”
“Give you the only thing keeping me safe? I don’t think so.”
Jesus. Jesus fucking Christ.
Estelle seemed to take strength in my horror. “Theo, go to the police and tell them your friends did it. If you don’t, I’ll die.” Her hands clasped mine tightly. “They’ll put me on death row for this.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I twisted my hands from hers, not wanting to touch those hands that had Horace’s blood on them.
“It’s out of the question,” I said in a ragged voice. “I won’t do it.”
Estelle paled. “Theo, please,” she whispered, sounding fearful for the first time that night. “You’re my son. My child. We only have each other. You can’t abandon me like your father.”
“You abandoned me!” I snarled.
“And I regret it every single day.” Unshed tears shone in her eyes. “I hated myself for sending you away, but I only ever wanted the best for you. I love you so, so much.”
I wanted to believe it. I would have given my life for it to be true. I knew it wasn’t—I’d seen the same tears and the same act she had put on for Kline and Horace before—but she was so damned good at it that I could almost believe it, that for once in my life I had someone who truly cared.
My mother stepped close to me, fisting the front of my shirt in her hands. “You have to save me,” she begged. Tears ran down her face, streaking her face with makeup. “My baby boy, you’re all that I have. Don't do this to me, please. I love you so much.”
I should have walked away then. I should have gone straight to the police.
But I didn’t.
I was weak and selfish and delusional, and I stayed.
“You will arrange for this to be reported an accident,” I found myself saying. My voice was hollow, like I was listening to someone other than myself speak. “You will never use the gun against them. Not for threatening, not for blackmail. Swear it.”
It wasn’t the answer Estelle wanted, but she knew that this was the only offer I’d make. “I swear.”
“You will leave the Beckett sisters alone. You will never hurt them again.”
Estelle nodded stiffly.
Nausea rose in my throat with every passing second. The thought of betraying Karin was unthinkable. She would never know the cause of her father’s death, nor that I was the one behind it.
“After this is over, you will cease all contact with me.” I wouldn’t be able to live with myself, and I couldn’t bear facing the evidence of my sins. I was protecting a murderer—that made me no better than one. “This is the last thing I’ll ever do for you.”
“I knew it,” Estelle said softly, snaking her arms around me in an embrace. “I knew you’d never betray me.”
It didn’t escape me that she had chosen to save herself over losing me.
“What about her?” she asked. “Are you going to tell her?”
The thought of Karin was like a knife in my chest. How could I face her with what I was about to do? She had taken my pain, and I was about to give it back to her a hundred-fold.
“I don’t intend to see her after this.”
“It’s better this way, dear. If you truly love her, you’ll want her to be happy. You’ll let her go.”
“Don’t talk to me about love.” My throat was raw. “You know nothing of it.”
Estelle patted my back in a manner she thought was consoling. “People like us are not meant for happiness,” she said softly. “We only hurt those we care about.”
“I never wanted to be like you.”
“But you are me. You’re my flesh and blood.” My mother sighed. “You're doing the right thing, dear. She’s better off without you, you’ll see.”
I wasted no time in locating my friends at our usual haunt. The game room sat on the second floor with a balcony overlooking the pool and gardens below. A party had been in session when the gunshot rang out, and for once, I was glad to see that the entire place had been emptied of people. My friends were scattered about the room, each looking like something the cat had dragged in.
They had caught wind of the murder.
“What the fucked happened?” Ryland demanded. “You just took off without a word.”
“It wasn't an accident.” There was no point in mincing words. They had to know the truth behind Horace’s death—as well as my impending betrayal.
Ryland went pale at my words, as did Gabriel and Cam. “You’re telling me he was…”
“Murdered.” I met his gaze directly, betraying no hint of emotion. “Gunshot to the face.”
“How… How the fuck…?” Cam ran a shaking hand over his mouth. “Why?”
“Money, of course. Everything will be willed to Estelle.”
Cam looked sick to his stomach. “We gotta go to the authorities. Where's she?”
“It doesn't matter.”
“Doesn't matter?” Gabriel snapped, his cigarette held so tightly between his fingers that it shook. Several more stubs littered the floor. “A man just died, Theo!”
“I’m here to warn you,” I said simply. “Estelle has the weapon and she’s decided to hold on to it.”
“Fuck.” Ryland paced, looking uncharacteristically agitated. “If she can kill a man, she can do anything. She could blackmail us, or shit, what’s stopping her from pinning this on us?”
A cold smile twisted my mouth. It was uncanny how Ryland had hit the nail on the head.
Gabriel stubbed his cigarette out with jerky movements. “If we get that gun then she has nothing on us. It’s our word against hers, and our lawyers will paint a good case for us if we tell the truth. I mean, we were minors just months ago.”
Ryland nodded slowly. “Let’s get this sorted out ASAP. If this drags on five or ten years from now, then we'll really be fucked.”
“Sounds good. It'll clear everything up.” Cam turned to me in expectation. “Theo, you need to find out where she’s keeping it.”
I leaned the back of my thighs against the billiards table, folding my arms casually. “Do I?”
Silence descended upon the room as the meaning of that sank in. If not for the breeze blowing in from the French doors and shifting their hair, I'd have thought they’d turned to stone.
It didn’t matter, I told myself. They were never my friends anyway, just convenient allies to further a cause.
“What the fuck are you playing at?” Gabriel said hoarsely. “We need to get hold of that gun. It has our fingerprints on it. Our fucking DNA. If we don't get it back we’re fucked.”
“You won’t. Horace’s death will be written off as an accident.”
The blood leached from their faces.
“You knew about this from the start,” Cam said in disbelief.
“I didn't, but that doesn’t mean I can’t see the silver lining in the situation.” I took in their stunned expressions, a mirror of mine just a half hour ago. “Don't look so horrified, there's something in it for each of you if you stay silent. Ryland, your father's always looking for acquisition opportunities. What better prey than a company without a leader? Cam will pick up Beckett’s business contracts, and Gabriel, you'll ride off their success like you always have. Everybody wins.”
“No…” Gabriel choked. “You can’t fucking turn on us like this. We're brothers—”
“Brothers?” I raised my brows mockingly. “We were allies, Easton, nothing more. We made a serviceable team while it mattered, but now that you’ve outgrown your usefulness, there’s no reason to keep up the charade. Isn't it obvious yet? You're on your own.”
With an anguished yell, Gabriel surged forward and swung his fist.
Though I could have dodged, I chose to take the hit. The impact exploded in my jaw and made me stagger back.
Gabriel drew his fist back a second time, but before he could swing again, Ryland locked his forearm around his neck and yanked hard, throwing his weight behind it. Cam held Gabriel by the waist, and it took both their combined strength to get Gabriel to stagger back even a step.
Gabriel didn't seem to notice. “I'll kill you,” he snarled as he strained against them, his eyes bright and red-rimmed. “I'll fucking kill you, you goddamn bastard!”
I spat blood onto the carpet. “Now that you've gotten that out of your system, you might want to think about what I said.” I smiled faintly. “Though it’s not much of a choice, is it?”
They knew it too. It was either stay silent, or ruin their lives and their families’. I knew my best friends like the back of my hand, and I knew the decision they would make.
“Get the fuck away from us,” Ryland growled, his eyes bright with pain. “Don't let me see your face again.”
Without another word, I turned my back on my best friends and walked away.
Now that I’d broken my ties to them, there was only Karin left.
I already knew that letting her go would destroy me.
***
Horace’s funeral was a lavish affair with no expense spared, attended by hundreds of people from around the world. Allie and Karin had been there, as had Estelle. She had worn all black, weeping so convincingly that I could almost forget that she’d been the one to put him into the grave.
I watched from afar, naturally. I didn't have it in me to show up to the funeral of a man whose murder I’d covered up. I couldn’t look in the faces of the people who mourned him knowing that I held the truth about his death.
It had been reported as an accident, exactly as I told Estelle to do. Within a few weeks the town would go on as if nothing had happened, but Karin’s life would be changed forever. I was the cause of that.
That night I remained in my room, drowning myself in spirits and wondering if the ghost of Horace would come to haunt me. When a knock came at my door, I opened it in a daze before thinking it through.
It was Karin.
She threw her arms around my waist, burying her face in my chest.
“Where have you been?” she sobbed. “I needed you.”
“Karin—”
Karin clung on to me tightly, her shoulders shuddering with her sobs. Every one of them broke me.
“All those times I argued with him when I should have been nice,” she whispered. “Now I'll never see him again. Maybe if I hadn't made him angry, he wouldn't have gone hunting. He wouldn’t have gone near the guns, and… it’s all my fault—”
“It isn’t. None of it is, Karin, tell me you understand that.”
I couldn't bear it if she blamed herself for my crime. I didn't know what else to do but hold her close, whispering hoarse apologies into her hair, murmuring things that made no sense but calmed her all the same.
“Allie says we can't stay here,” she whispered against my shirt. “It's Estelle’s house now.”
“She can’t make you leave. I won't let her.”
“I know, but I don't want to stay either. Now that Dad’s gone there's no place for us here. We’re leaving for New York. Tonight.”
Tonight?
My arms tightened around her at the thought that she was leaving me.
“I have something to say to you,” Karin said, her voice muffled in my shirt. She drew back, looking up at me with eyes reddened from crying. “I don't want to waste any more time. Life’s too short for that, I know that now. Dad was here one moment, and the next he was just gone.” She steeled herself. “I want to change the answer I gave you that day,” she said. “I want to say yes.”
Her words were a blow to my chest. This had to be some kind of cruel trick.
“And I hope you'll come to New York with me,” she continued. “You, me and Allie, we’ll start a new life together.”
“Karin,” I said hoarsely. “I can't.”
“Why not? Please come with me, Theo, I lo—”
“Don’t say it,” I rasped. “For god’s sake, don’t say it.”
“But I do.”
“Bloody hell.” I held her close, burying my face in her hair and breathing her scent deep into my lungs.
Why now? Fuck me, but why now?
“I can’t.” My voice was unsteady with pain. “That day at the cliffs, I was only toying with you. I wanted to see if I could make you fall in love with me. You were so good and innocent, and I wanted to try someone different.”
“Liar. Why are you pushing me away?”
“Think what you will, princess. It doesn't change the fact that I don't return your feelings.”
Karin began to cry silently. It killed me, but it also made me realize Estelle was right. Letting Karin go was the best thing I could do for her. My happiness in exchange for hers, and I’d make the trade in a heartbeat.
“Don’t. I’m not worth it.” I swiped away her tears with my thumb, telling myself that this was the last time I’d ever hurt her. “Forget me, and it’ll all go away.”
Karin shook her head stubbornly. “No.”
My chest felt like it was cracking in two. “In time, this will be nothing more than a bad dream.” I held Karin to me, desperately memorizing her form, her smell, her voice, bottling it all up to last me a lifetime.
“Forget me, whatever it takes,” I told her. “I’ll forget you too.”
There had been no goodbyes between us.
That night I stood by the window, watching as Karin made her way to the front gates with her sister. There was no one who would stop them. They weren't welcome here any longer.
And so I watched, hollow, as the spot of bright, fiery hair ventured into the darkness as it had on the night she led me into the forest. Only this time, she was going where I couldn’t follow.
The auburn glow of her hair gradually faded as the distance between us grew. The tiny flame flickered, growing dimmer and dimmer, until finally, it extinguished.
I was in a never-ending tunnel, and my light had gone out. There was only darkness around me, and I was all alone.