Chapter Nine
Kaden
As I walk towards the hanger, I see all the signs and flags waving. I search the crowd and see Rigs and Alyse. I feel the smile form on my face that is quickly replaced with questions. Why is she holding a baby and why does Rigs have his arm around my girl? I feel my heart beat start to race as panic hits. This isn’t right. Then I see the beautiful hazel eyes turn towards me and squeal out what I think is “Dada.” I barely have time to catch him as he leaps into my arms. I feel this little body wrap around me and I instantly look at Alyse and mouth, What the fuck?
This little boy tucks his head into my neck and I feel him leave out a slow relaxed breath. I’m instantly calmed. Everyone seems to disappear. I close my eyes and take in his smell. It’s strange but familiar for some reason. When I open my eyes, I see a tear fall from Alyse’s eye. I reach out and instinctively wipe it away.
Guilt suddenly hits me, and I think how she had to do everything by herself. She could have had an abortion, but she chose to bring this little man into the world and even though I’m feeling a little blindsided, I already can’t image not having him in my life. I hear myself say that I need a minute and search the area for somewhere to sit down. I need to look at him. Do what fathers do when a child is born, count his fingers and toes and just take him completely in.
I find a chair and sit down. “Hey buddy,” I simply say.
“Dada,” he responds placing both of his little hands on either side of my face.
I clear my throat to try to stop from blubbering like a complete idiot. I look into his soft eyes. I swear those are the same eyes I dreamt about.
I do the calculation in my head and think that he would be around nine months. I know nothing about babies, but I don’t think this is normal. He seems so much order. What the hell do I know though? He wiggles his way to stand on my thighs as he places his hands on my shoulders.
I think he says “Bounce” as he squats down and stands back up again.
I wrap my hand around his waist and lift him above my head and am greeted with the most amazing laugh.
Then I place him back on my thighs, he looks over his shoulder and calls out “Mama.”
I see Alyse gingerly move towards us. She’s hesitant until I smile. She returns the smile and stands in front of us placing one hand on my shoulder and one hand on this little boy’s back.
“Kaden, this is K.C. Kaden Charles. Your son,” she says with a soft smile.
“You named him Kaden. Wow. K.C. That a cool nickname. I’ve missed so much. I know nothing about babies, but he seems pretty smart,” Kaden says, continuing to bounce K.C. and lift him over his head.
Just then Rigs steps up. “Well, if there was any doubt of this kid being yours, besides his size, he’s pretty advanced for his age. My son was still sucking on his toes at this age. This little man is practically reading. I can only imagine the weird ass conversations you two are going to have as he grows up. Only you will understand how to handle them.”
“He’s amazing, Alyse. I don’t know what to say. Thank you? That seems weird, but I can’t think of anything else to say right now,” I say.
I hear an announcement come over the intercom saying all airmen need to complete their final debriefing. I reluctantly stand and hand K.C. back over to Alyse.
It seems so natural to say to him, “Daddy needs to step away, but I’ll be right back, little man.”
I can’t help but kiss him and his mom on the forehead as I head toward the doors to finalize us coming home. I know that I said that I felt I didn’t have a home. A new feeling envelopes me that I finally found it. It’s not a physical home, but it’s still one that I don’t ever want to lose. I look over my shoulder before going through the door and smile as I see K.C. waving his chubby hands.
I’m a dad.
Everything from the emails floods my mind and I now understand it. The reason to avoid video calls and Rigs’ comments about a small thing keeping her busy.
I don’t hear anything that’s being said. Until my name is called. I stand and move forward, saluting the officer in front of me.
“You’re rank test results came back. Congratulations. You’ve been promoted to E-5 Staff Sergeant,” he says, handing me an envelope with my new patches and pins. “I also understand you have six months left on your enlistment. Any plans to re-up?”
“I’m not sure yet, sir. I just found out I’m a dad. I think my priorities may be changing,” I say, looking at my feet.
“Well, congratulations. Maybe even more of a reason to stay on. The benefits for a family are top notch,” he responds, holding his hand out to shake.
“Thank you, sir. I don’t think I could handle being deployed and away from him. I just met him and I’m itching to get back to him.” I meet his eyes and notice his smile takes on a little grimace.
“Mmm. I understand that, so this next part might sting a little,” he says, clearing his throat. “You have three-months in the states. Deployment papers are already being delivered. Your unit is going to deploy again. There will be someone assigned to replace you in three months if you decide not to stay. Good news is you have a week break before needing to report in.”
My head starts to throb with all the thoughts that suddenly flood my brain. I force myself to not yell. I notice the envelope in my hand starts to crinkle in my fist. It’s bad enough that I’m going to be almost three hours away from them. I’m seeing the number three bounce around and mock me. Three months home, three months deployed, and three hours away. I’ve never hated a number more than I do that one right now.
I take in a deep breath and try to shake the feeling of despair off, moving through the motions so I can get back out to them. Heading back to the hanger, I find and grab my rucksack from the piles of luggage that are on pallets from the plane. I look over and see Alyse sitting in a chair playing with K.C. He’s standing on the ground with his hands on her knees, bouncing up and down.
I watch them from a distance as my smile returns. Taking in the beauty of the mother of my child whose face beams down upon my son. I watch as her bright green eyes lift and meet mine with a smile that is simply stunning.
An instant father. An instant family. I’m overwhelmed with the thought of it all. How is this going to work? I suddenly feel like an outsider looking in on what feels like could be out of reach.
I slowly make my way over. The barrage of thoughts and emotions rolling through me. Fatigue hits my body, and I feel my shoulders slump.
I drop my rucksack to the side once I’m standing in front of them. K.C. stretches his neck back to look up at me and almost loses his balance.
“Easy there, little man,” I say, letting out a much needed laugh.
I’m greeted with a squeal as K.C. quickly twists and digs his fingers into my BDU’s, still leaning his head back to look at me.
“Up!” he says, making raspberry noises with his lips as he tries to climb my legs.
“Are you a monkey?” I say, laughing as I reach down and lift him into my arms.
I’ve never felt something more perfect. I place my lips against the top of his head and breath in deep. I immediately categorized and store his smell in my memory. Then another smell hits me and this one is not as pleasant.
“Ah oh,” K.C. says, wrinkling his nose and squirming in my arms.
I extend my arms out, holding him away from me by his armpits as he wiggles and squirms, making the pungent odor stir even more.
“I got him,” Alyse says, taking him from me. She grabs a bag and heads off to the restroom, leaving me and Rigs alone.
He immediately pulls me in for a hug. “Missed you, man. Glad to have you back. Sorry about the ambush, but I wanted to be here for support. She was a nervous wreck.”
“It’s okay. I get it, I guess. Shit dude. All those cryptic messages all make sense now. I missed out on so much, though,” I say, taking the seat that Alyse was just sitting in.
“Do you think you can take another surprise? It’s not another ambush, I promise. First, what’s your schedule like?” he says, taking the seat next to me.
“Fuck. This shit is getting old, man. I’m off a week before I need to be back at the barracks. Then I’m stateside for three months…,” I trail off.
“And then? You getting out?” he asks.
“I have six months left. I was just told we are getting deployed again. I can either enlist for another two years or leave at the end of three months. I already know I’m out. The feeling that hit my chest just thinking of being away from him nearly doubled me over. I missed enough, and I refuse to miss more than I have to. So, what’s the surprise?”
“I found Bryce…” he says, looking at me to see my reaction.
Leaning back, I place my hands on my face and just start laughing. I think a few tears may have even leaked out. “Fuck yes! Where is he?”
“Well, he’s actually in Alyse’s town. That’s how I came to know her. Stopped by her little diner to get gas and food on my way out of town,” he says.
“Wait. Why didn’t you tell me this shit?” I say, getting a little pissed.
“It’s complicated. I haven’t told him about you either. He went through a lot of guilt man, and well. He’s with Emma now and they are getting married tomorrow. He doesn’t want anyone there, but I’m crashing. I want you to come with me,” he says.
“Porn Star’s Emma?” I say, thinking back on the times I was with him. Rigs nods his head in acknowledgement. “I knew it.”
“You knew? How?”
“Beast was like my big brother, man. I looked up to him and studied him. I saw the struggle he had whenever Jon would talk to Emma. I thought he was just jealous of their relationship, which I know he was, but I always felt like there was more.”
“He was there when Jon took his last breath. Jon asked Bryce to take care of his girls, made him promise. Bryce went slightly off the deep end and pretty much ran away. Fate, though. It’s a powerful force. He lived in the same town as Emma for a few years, never running into each other. He was a bit of a hermit, though. Then one day they end up at the same group therapy session. Seems they even shared the same freaking therapist,” he says.
“Wow. That’s pretty amazing. So, he’s good now, I guess? That’s a stupid question. Of course, he’s good now,” I say, shaking my head.
“So, you want to go? Or should I wait until you and Alyse have a chance to talk?”
“I’m in. Even if I have to drive up in the morning. You just tell me when and where. I do need to talk to Alyse, though. Shit. I’m not sure what to say. The awkwardness has not gotten any better over the years, just so you know.” I say, standing and wiping my clammy hands on my pants.
“Let her talk, then. I don’t think she just came today without having some kind of plan and backup plan if things when array,” Rigs says, standing and slapping me on my back.
“Can we get out of here? I’m sweating and starving. There’s a little place up the road next to a park. We can grab food to go and eat it outside,” I say, taking off my BDU jacket.
“Here comes Alyse. Let’s ask her and take it from there,” he says.