CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Ben
I stared at the door. It was my bedroom door, slammed clear in my face.
“Chelsea, darlin’, you can’t lock me out of my room.” I twisted the handle but it wasn’t budging. “Come on.” This was ridiculous. Ludicrous. Downright insane.
I waited a few seconds, but couldn’t hear anything from the other side of the door. She just needed time to cool off. I looked at the hallway. There were six other bedrooms I could choose from. I picked the first one on the corner.
My first impulse was to call Scott and lay into him, but what good would that do now? She was spitfire mad, and I had to wait it out.
I kicked off my boots and grabbed the remote on the nightstand. It wasn’t my room, but at least I was back at the ranch. I flipped through the channels until I landed on a football game. In Texas, there wasn’t a night without football.
I’d just wait her out. Eventually, she’d unlock the door and let me in. I watched the game through heavy lids until the room was dark and the only sound was snoring.
***
I awoke the next morning fully clothed. I looked around the room, confused for a second. Right, the guest room down the hall. I shook my head and stumbled to the adjoining bathroom. I couldn’t believe she never came to get me.
My guest suites had spare supplies for any friends or family who stayed over. I chose a blue toothbrush from the basket.
No matter what was going on in that head of hers, we were going to talk. I had twelve hours before I had to be on a plane back to L.A.
I spit into the sink and turned off the water. There was a five o’clock shadow creeping along my jawline. I rubbed the stubble. Everything else could wait. I had to find Chelsea.
I walked to our bedroom, but it was empty. I jogged down the stairs, checking every room I passed on the way to the kitchen.
“Good morning, sir,” Lenny greeted me.
“Hey, man. Have you seen Chelsea?”
“Yes, she left for work about an hour ago. Can I make you an omelet? I have some coffee for you.”
“Work?” I scratched my head. I was certain she would have stayed to talk. There was no way she wasn’t feeling the same kind of need to put the pieces together.
“That’s what she said. I made a breakfast sandwich to-go for her.”
“All right. Thanks, man.” I picked up the cup of coffee Lenny had poured. I was going to have to shave and shower after all if I was making a trip into town.
I climbed the stairs, careful not to let the hot coffee slosh over the sides of the mug. I pushed open the bedroom door, expecting to find solace in my own space, but I studied it closely.
Chelsea’s sweater was draped over the bed. On the nightstand was a stack of her writing journals, the lotion she liked to lather on right before she went to sleep, and citrus ginger candles that she had brought with her from home on her last trip.
I walked into the bathroom and looked at the counter. Her makeup brushes were scattered by the sink. There was hairspray, perfume, nail polish, and something green in a tube. I could only imagine what beauty regimen that was for.
This wasn’t my space anymore. It was ours.
Everywhere I looked, there were traces of her. All this time I had been begging and pushing for her to move in with me, when she had been blending her life into mine all along. It just took time. She needed to do it on her own terms.
I picked up the perfume bottle and held it to my nose. In an instant, I smelled her, felt her arms around me, inhaled the feeling of closeness she showered on me. The nearness of her was trapped in that tiny bottle.
I carefully placed the perfume where I found it and turned for the shower. I had to make all of this right. Sure, I was hurt, but I realized I had gone too far. Chelsea had managed to handle all the Rebecca attention, and the first time the tables were turned, I jumped on a plane and lost my cool.
The water was hot enough. I stepped inside and rehearsed what I wanted to say. These lines couldn’t be fumbled. They had to be perfect.
***
Bud opened the car door in front of Blue Steel Records. “Want me to wait here?” he asked.
“No, I’ll give you a call when I’m ready to leave.” I stepped onto the sidewalk.
“Sure thing. I’ll park around the corner, so just holler.” He scanned the sidewalk before closing the door behind me.
I didn’t know that this was the right thing to do, but there were only hours before I left for L.A. I couldn’t get back on the plane if this was unresolved. I wasn’t sure how many cracks it took to completely shatter what we had built, and I never wanted to know. I was going to stop this one from spreading any farther.
The receptionist in the lobby smiled at me, and I thought she might be shuffling papers for my benefit.
I pointed at the elevator. “I’m headed to the third floor.”
She nodded and stammered, “Oh-ok-ok. Sh-should I call someone for you?”
“Aww, that’s all right, darlin’. It’s kind of a surprise. You won’t blow my cover, will you?” I winked and knew then she’d be too busy texting all her friends to call upstairs.
She shook her head. “Your secret is safe with me.”
The elevator doors opened and I waltzed inside. “Thank you.” I flashed another grin before the car carried me three stories to the main floor of Blue Steel.
The speech I prepared in the shower was firmly planted in my mind. I only hoped it would work.
The doors opened. I could hear different instruments playing down the hall. In front of me were the executive offices. I had visited Brandon a few times when we had lunch or met for drinks, but I had no idea where Chelsea was.
I strolled to the assistant in the lobby. “Hey, there.”
She looked up from her computer. “Oh, hi.” She smiled.
I didn’t recognize her. I wondered if Brandon had the same problem I did finding people on his staff he could trust.
“I was wondering if you could tell me where I might find Chel—”
“Ben!” Brandon’s voice bellowed from his office. He walked into the lobby.
“Hey, man.” I leaned in for a pat on the back. “It’s been awhile.”
“Sure has. What brings you by? Let me guess…one of our star songwriters.” He patted me on the back again.
“Well, yeah, that and I wanted to say hi. We need to catch up.”
“Come on in my office. I think the girls are laying down some tracks in the back studio, so you can’t even get in there. You know artists. They freak out if you interrupt. I’ll have Diane let us know when they’re out.” He nodded at Diane.
“Of course,” she replied. “I’ll let you know the instant they’re done.”
I was hesitant. I didn’t need them to know the details of my love life, but I didn’t have time for bullshit conversations. I needed to see Chelsea. My boots wanted to carry me down the hall and start searching every office and closet for her.
“Come on, man.” Brandon held the door open.
“Sure. I guess I’ve got a few minutes.” I followed him into the corner office.
Brandon sat across from me behind a glass desk. Pictures of Blue Steel artists were in a canvas collage over his head.
“Looks like you’ve picked up some more talent since the last time I was here.” I pointed at the pictures.
“Yeah, we are kickin’ butt down here. Everyone said I needed to move to Nashville, but we’re doing just fine in Austin.”
“I can tell. This is impressive, man.”
“Did you ever think when we were playing football I’d be head of a record label and you’d be an actor? I mean, we would have thought we dreamed that up in a drunken stupor.” He laughed. “We probably did dream up something this crazy when we were drunk.”
I smiled. “I, for one, would have thought you were crazy.”
“But here we are.”
“Yep, here we are.”
Brandon leaned back in his seat. “You ever hear from any of the other guys?”
“Nah, not really. It’s kind of funny. Being famous keeps certain people away, like they’re afraid to talk to you, and then it brings out the people you wish would forget you exist. I can’t seem to level that out.”
He chuckled. “I can’t tell you how many favors I’ve had called in.”
“About that.” I shook my head.
“No, no, man. You can ask for anything anytime. I’m not talking about Chelsea. She’s amazing. I’m lucky you did send her songs. She’s talented. She’s writing the kind of stuff we dream about here. Really. I can see a long list of number ones coming out of that girl.”
“Is that so?” I knew I loved what she wrote. There was meaning in every word. Her heart was there on paper. But knowing that everyone else got it too made me feel like I was sharing a part of her I wasn’t ready to let go.
Diane poked her head in the door. “I think they’re out.”
“Thanks, Diane.”
I stretched my legs to stand. “That didn’t take long.”
“Hey, before you go.” Brandon walked to the front of the desk.
“Yeah? I know we’ve got to get together for that beer. Maybe when I wrap things in L.A. This movie’s been a killer.”
“Sounds good, but I think I need to say something.” He lowered his voice.
“Go on,” I urged.
“I saw the pictures. Hell, we all saw the pictures. Can’t miss the damn things online.”
I shuffled my feet.
“Anyway, I thought you should know we are signing Mark Weston to the label. It’s our biggest deal yet. I’m telling you this in confidence. We’re holding a press conference next week and rolling out a promo campaign for his next album that’s going to be unlike anything we’ve ever done here. I’ve got a lot riding on him coming aboard.”
“Congratulations, I guess.” I didn’t know how to take the information.
“I just thought you should know he’s going to be here a lot. I might even have Chelsea write a song for him. We’re probably not sending him out on tour until next summer.”
“But I thought you wanted the label to push Quinn’s style.”
“You know how it goes. We have to unleash what’s big. Right now, it doesn’t get much bigger than Mark. He’s going to bring on more artists. Quinn’s still our girl, but I can’t put everything we have into getting her where she needs to be. Let’s face it. He’s already there. Tell me a twenty-something who doesn’t know his name.”
I gripped his shoulder. “I get it. It’s business. Thanks for letting me know.”
“Just between us right?” Brandon raised his eyebrows.
“Of course.” I walked out of the office. “Catch you later, man.”
“Good seeing you.”
It didn’t matter what part of show business I was in, because it was all the same. I leaned toward Diane. “Where is she?”
“Down the hall and at the very end take a right. You’ll see where they write. Knock first though.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I tried to keep my pace slow and steady, but I wanted to run to the end, knock down the door, and shake some sense into that blue-eyed girl.
I hesitated outside the door. I could hear their voices. Quinn was humming, but Chelsea kept correcting her. It surprised me, but I had to muster courage to knock on the door. When wasn’t I confident about something?
“Yep?” Quinn called.
“Hey.” I tipped the door forward.
“Hey, stranger.” Quinn hopped off the couch and wrapped me in a hug. “Haven’t seen you in forever.”
I tried to focus on her, but Chelsea was boring holes into the back of my head from the couch.
“Good to see you. How have you been?”
“You know, getting ready for tour, putting the new album together. Same ole stuff. But, I’m guessing you’re here to see that one.” She pivoted toward Chelsea.
I rocked back on my heels. “Yep. Could I steal her for a minute?”
“I can’t right now. We were just reworking a chorus,” Chelsea explained.
“Whatever. I’m getting coffee. See you in a few.” Quinn bounded out of the room, closing the door behind her.
An awkward silence filled the space between us. I didn’t think that was possible. Being with Chelsea had always been the most natural thing in the world. I heard a guitar next door.
“So, this is where you write?”
“Sometimes.” She shoved her notebook on the table. “Why are you here? I’m working. We have a schedule to keep.”
“Darlin’, we have to talk.”
“How would you feel if I showed up on your set when you were in the middle of one of your bondage scenes with Rebecca?” She glared at me.
“Whoa. Don’t you think that’s a little extreme?”
“Not really. That’s what you do, right? Spend your day tying her up, kissing her, getting her naked.”
“Hold on. We have talked about the movie. I thought we were good. I thought you understood the role.” How had she flipped everything back on me?
“I just find it ironic that you spend your days practically naked with your ex-girlfriend, and the instant there is a picture of me drinking a cup of coffee, you drop everything and we have to talk it out. For all I know, I’m spending my days with another one of your exes. Don’t you think that’s messed up?”
What in the hell was she talking about? This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. She wasn’t letting me use my speech. How could I smooth everything over if she was this angry?
“You know, Chelsea, you don’t really know what I think. You won’t let me talk.”
She folded her arms and landed on the cushions behind her. “Ok, then tell me you’re not here because you were jealous. Tell me you didn’t fly from L.A. because you thought there was some tiny ounce of truth in those photos. Tell me you had nothing to do with Scott’s visit. Tell me I am completely wrong. Because right now, I don’t think there’s anything else you could say to turn this around.”
I swallowed hard. Could I use the speech now? I kneeled in front of her, noticing how she bristled when my palm grazed her thigh.
“There’s some truth in what you’re saying, but it’s not that bad. I never thought you cheated. I never said that. Those were not my words—not ever.”
She focused on a spot at the back of the room.
I continued. “Don’t you know I would have sat up all night with you until we fixed this? It killed me sleeping down the hall, knowing you were angry, knowing you were only feet away and you wouldn’t let me in.” I shifted to the couch. My knees couldn’t take the floor.
“I admit I overreacted. And I didn’t know Scott was going to say any of those things to you. But that doesn’t matter, because he did. And he did it for me. He never should have thrown out those kind of accusations. I will have a talk with him. A serious talk.” I paused. “This is going to sound like an excuse, but I swear it’s not. When I saw the pictures, it was like Rebecca all over again. But not the same way.”
I shook my head. “I’m not saying this right. Hold on. Let me start over.” I took a deep breath.
“I got in that Jeep and drove to Brees Island last summer because I was tired of seeing my love life on display. I was tired of not having a normal relationship. It hurt. I felt like a complete failure. There was proof all around me that I was a failure.
“And when the pictures showed up yesterday, it drudged all of that up again. Rebecca found someone else because my heart wasn’t in it. I kept thinking, what if I’ve done that again? What if you think my heart isn’t in this? What if you were just having coffee with a new friend, and eventually coffee turned to dinner, and dinner turned to a movie, and before you know it, you’ve got someone who is there for you? Someone who can do things I can’t. Someone who is with you when your family falls apart. Someone who comes home at night. What if I gave you someone else?”
Chelsea’s eyes shifted across the couch and landed on mine. “That’s what you thought? That Mark was going to be my new someone?” The tenderness in her voice stirred my blood.
I nodded. “I’m embarrassed, and I’m an ass—a jealous ass. But, God, Chelsea, it was just a glimpse of what could happen even though I know, I believe that it was just coffee. I believe that, but my head fast-forwarded six months from now. And that six-months-from-now image is what got me on the plane.”
“And you know what I thought?” She uncrossed her arms, her voice growing softer.
“What’s that?”
“That you thought I was just like my father. That I was capable of lying and cheating and ruining everything we had together just because I was lonely or unhappy. You didn’t think I was strong enough to do this. Dammit, Ben. You don’t trust me.”
“No, no, I don’t think you’re anything like Hayden. That wasn’t it at all. It was about me and how every relationship before this one has fallen apart in the press. I don’t ever want to go through that again. I don’t want to put you through it. We can’t let that happen to us.” I blinked back tears. “I do trust you. I trust you completely.”
“Maybe I don’t belong in this world with you, Ben. All I do is screw it up.”
I saw the thick drops in the corners of her eyes. “Don’t say that. It’s still new. It’s only been a few months. It would freak anyone out.”
“But look what’s happened in the few months since we left the island. ‘Benecca’ was reborn. We’ve barely seen each other. You thought I was staking out a new boyfriend. How much do we need to see before we realize that maybe we don’t belong together? No matter how much I love you, how much I want to be with you, maybe we just don’t fit off the island.”
“Hold on.” I clasped her hands, pulling her closer to me. “It’s just a tabloid story that’s going to blow over. And ‘Benecca’ will be replaced by another couple. While we’re clearing the air here, there was nothing between Quinn and me ever—always been friends. Only friends.” I tried to read her expression. “I only have two more months in L.A. Two months, baby. We can get through two months.”
“Two months? We barely made it through the first one.”
“It’s nothing compared to the big picture. We’ll figure it out.”
“And then what? You’re going to retire? I can never be seen with another guy? We hide out at the ranch for the rest of our lives and raise cows? I know you need more than cows and rides on a four-wheeler.”
I knew Quinn would be back any second with coffee. Time was running out and instead of bringing Chelsea back to me, I had set her on a path that was cracking the glass in every direction.
“There has to be a way. We can’t let this go. I’m not letting this go. I know you don’t want that.”
A tear slipped off her lashes and rolled along her cheek. “Maybe it’s what we need to do.”
“Knock, knock.” Quinn peeked her head through the door. “I brought coffee for everyone.”
Chelsea quickly wiped the tears from her face. “Great. Ben has to get back to the ranch and I’m ready for the chorus.”
She stood, and I knew my window to convince her had closed. I should have used the damn speech.
“Sure you don’t want to stick around? You can watch us work.” Quinn smiled.
“Nah, that’s all right. You two have important things to do here.”
I cupped Chelsea’s jaw and kissed her on the cheek. “I’ll be at home.”
“But you have to fly back.”
I turned at the door. “I’ll be at home.”
I closed it behind me and walked down the hall. I didn’t know how long I’d have to stay in Texas, but there was no way I was leaving. My entire world was about to fall apart.