“TAKE ME HOME, JAY.”
Those were the first words I heard this morning. Livvie and I passed out on her bed last night after we’d fucked hard again and then slow twice more. She’d already packed her bed sheets away, so we laid on the mattress, and she used my legs and arms as a blanket.
I’d loaded her boxes into the Tahoe and managed to fit everything inside. She didn’t want to bring any of the furniture or anything, so it was just mainly clothes and some books and girly shit.
Her hand in mine, we just passed the border of Washington, heading into Montana. “Let me know if you want me to drive,” she says with her eyes closed.
I laugh. “Yeah. Okay, baby.”
She sticks her tongue out at me and mumbles, “You never let me drive.”
I shrug, no sense in arguing. “So, tell me, Olive…”
“Tell you what?”
“Are you on the pill?” We’ve gone at it with no protection, and though I only worry about pregnancy, I still think we should at least discuss it, especially after I threw the kid thing in her face.
Her mouth falls, and she shakes her head. “No.”
“I’m glad.”
“But you said—”
I nod. “I know what I said. And up until last night, I meant it.”
She sits up and crosses her legs. “What made you change your mind?”
“Lots of things. Mel telling me she’s pregnant with Smith’s baby being one of them.”
Livvie gasps. “That’s awesome.”
“It is. And I thought about you, and how I just know it’d be beautiful with you and how selfish it is for me not to want that. But the truth is… I’m just scared that it makes me even more vulnerable.” I lick my lips and glance over at her. “Plus, I’m not fucking you with a condom. Until we know if it’s safe for you to go back on something if that’s what we decide, we’ll have to just accept the risk.”
She doesn’t respond. Probably processing what I’m saying. There might be a chance she’s pregnant right now and with everything else going on, I doubt she took the time to think about it.
“Unless you don’t want it?” I ask hesitantly.
“You’re confusing me.”
I’m confusing myself. “I know, I’m sorry.”
“I want kids. You don’t. But you just said you’d be okay if it happened.”
I sigh and run my fingertips across her thigh. With a jerk of the wheel, I pull to the side of the road and park. The abrupt change makes her reach for the handle to steady herself.
“I never even thought of the possibility of having kids. I’m serious when I say I didn’t want them. I avoided telling you and didn’t talk to you about it because I knew you wanted them. But selfishly, I wanted to wait until we were married to tell you.”
She stiffens.
“I know, I know. I’m a dick.”
“You’re not, but that’s a dick thing to do.”
“I know. But this morning. Waking up with you and knowing we were going back home, I just… I thought about… I don’t fuckin’ know. I just know that when I cleaned you up and realized you probably weren’t on anything, it made me feel happy. Like I wanted to fuck you again just to come inside you.”
She wrinkles her nose. “Okayyy.”
“I want babies with you, Livvie. I want a family. I want our life. I want our future. And I want you to marry me.” I push the button on the glove box, and it pops open. She gasps when I pull out a blue velvet box. “I’ve had this since the day before the twins’ eighteenth birthday.”
“Oh, my God.”
“I love you, Olive. And I want you to be my wife. I promise th—”
“Shut up,” she whispers.
My throat swells, and I press my lips together.
“Shut up and put it on me.” She holds her hand out, and I smile, all the fear vanishing.
I snap the box open and pull the rock out.
“Holy shit, that’s big,” she breathes out.
I raise a brow, and she rolls her eyes at me. “Stop being a perv and put it on my finger.”
Unbuckling my belt, I turn to her. But then decide against it and hop out of the car and walk around to her. I open her door and hold my hand out to her. She slides down, and once her feet are firmly planted, I drop to one knee.
“If there’s anything I’ve learned in the past few years, it’s that without you, I’m nothing. I need you more than I care to admit, and I want you forever. I want your smiles and your tears. I want your love. I want your body and your heart. I want our future, Olive. I want you. Will you marry me, Livvie?”
She stands, unmoving, and my heart stills as it mimics her. But then she throws herself at me so hard, I fall back. I want my arms around her, so I don’t bother putting them out to cushion the fall. We tumble to the gravel, and she blubbers about how much she loves me and, of course, she wants to marry me and how much she missed me.
I sit us up and bend my finger to wipe the wetness beneath her eyes. “Don’t cry, Livvie.”
“I’m happy, Jay.”
Smiling at her, I place the ring on her finger and then pull her face to mine so I can kiss her. “Love you, Olive.”
“Love you too, Jay.” She holds her hand out.
I start to stand, but a glint catches my eye, and I roar with laughter. “What are the chances?” I pick up a penny from the ground and hold it out in front of her.
She shakes her head and wraps her fingers around my hand, enclosing the coin, then rests her forehead against mine. “Don’t need luck anymore, Jay.” Her voice soft and sweet, she throws my own words back at me.
We sit like this for a few minutes, breathing each other in. Getting back to us. Her thumb rubs over my knuckles on my right hand, and I use my left to hold her face. This. The hours, the stress, the danger, the agony of being without her… this made it all worth it.
“Please tell me this all really happened, and it wasn’t just a dream.”
I stand, lifting her with me, and set her back inside the SUV. “Yeah, sweetie. It did.”
“Were you planning it?”
“Nope.” I kiss her once more and close the door before I’m too tempted to do something stupid like bend her over the hood and fuck her to celebrate. Once I get back into my seat, I buckle, and she leans over the console to rest her head on my shoulder as I pull back onto the highway. “Let me clarify. I’ve wanted to do that for what seems like ever. I didn’t know exactly when I would, though.”
“I’ve wanted you to ask me forever, too.”
I take her left hand in mine and rub the band. “I’m glad you said yes.”
“With you, it’s always yes.” She lifts my hand and kisses my knuckles. “Not to a… put a damper on this, but did you by chance ask my dad?”
My brow raises. “You think I need his permission?”
“No, but I just know he’s old fashioned like that, is all.” Her face lights up. “I can’t wait to see him again. And my mom. They’re going to be so happy. How were they”—she swallows—“when I was gone?”
“They were good, baby. Everyone was real sad at first. The twins were pissed at me.”
“No? Really?”
“Yeah.” I laugh. “Pretty sure they had daggers shooting at me for a solid month.”
She shakes her head. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault, love. And I don’t blame them for being mad. Hell, I was mad. Everyone who loves you was.”
“They shouldn’t have been.” She sighs. “And I shouldn’t have been either. I’m sorry, Jay.” She turns in her seat a little. “I said horrible things, and I didn’t mean any of them. I love you; I always have and I always will. I was just scared of being without you and—”
He cuts me off. “I get it, babe. Seriously, you don’t need to apologize to me.”
“I want to, though. Those were the last words you heard me say, and you probably heard them over and over, and I hate that. God, I wish I wasn’t such a bitch.”
“You’re far from a bitch. I understand your fear caused you to lash out. But if it makes you feel better, know that I accept your apology, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Good.”
She settles back in her seat and turns the radio on, quietly humming when a song she knows comes on. Holy shit, I missed this. I’m pretty sure I’m going to keep having these moments where I realize just how damn much I love her and how three years of our lives were wasted.
But I can’t let her know that. I don’t want her living in the past. Hell, I don’t want to live in the past either. Just want to move forward with my fiancée. Christ. We’re going to get married. Which reminds me. “I asked your dad over three years ago, sweetheart.”
Her eyes really do smile. She pushes up and kisses me on the cheek. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me. I’m the thankful one.”
We drive back to Chicago in three days. Stopping a couple of nights because there isn’t room in my Tahoe to fuck her in the back. Plus, I really do need sleep. And sleeping with her in my arms is something I haven’t gotten nearly enough of.
I can’t wait to do it every single night. For the rest of my life. When we cross the state line, she sits up, and her entire demeanor changes. Not that she wasn’t happy before, but she seems… lighter. Like now that we’re actually here, she’s allowing her guard down all the way.
“Did you tell anybody when we were arriving?” she asks.
“No. They only know we’re on our way. Everyone understands this is a hard time for you.”
“Can we go to your house for the night? I just… I want a night to get my shit together before I see everyone again, and I get thrown into an emotional tornado.”
I squeeze her hand. “’Course, baby. We can go wherever you want.”
I pull into my driveway a couple hours later. Deciding I’ll get all her stuff from the trunk later, I walk with her hand in mine up to the front door. I open it and push it open then step back so she can go through first. She walks in ahead of me and turns in a circle. Her hands fly up and cover her mouth, and she walks into the living room. “Jay,” she murmurs beneath her hands. “Oh, my God.”
I’ve brought all the things from her apartment and incorporated them into my home, which is now our home. There was obviously no need for her apartment to sit empty, and she would end up here anyway. Her parents and sisters helped me pack her things up, but Mellie was the one who decorated.
Livvie’s girly and bright things fit in perfectly with the darker decorations and furniture I have. We’ll get a bigger house eventually, but I wasn’t going to make the decision of what kind of home she wanted until we were back together.
Walking up behind her, I wrap my arms around her waist, pull her back to my chest, and then kiss her neck right where it meets her shoulder. “Do you like it?”
She turns in my arms and smiles up at me. “Of course, I do.”
“I’m glad. Let’s go look at the bedroom.”
She giggles and follows me upstairs where I bypass my old room and go to the master. Now that Mel’s moved out, I took it back over and had some remodeling done to the bathroom to update everything. When I push the door open, the smell imbedded in my senses floats into the hallway. Her nose wrinkles. “It smells like coconuts.”
“It does. I’ve been sleeping in your sheets.” I leave out the other things aside from sleep that I’ve done in them. “And I got some air fresheners because the smell reminded me of you. All your clothes and things are next to mine.” I pull her into the room and go to the bathroom. “Shampoo, soap, razors, everything from your place is in here.”
“It’s like I was with you. You’ve been living like this for how long?”
“Pretty much the whole time.”
“Jay—” I cut her off before she can start feeling bad about something. I know her. God, I know her and what she did with that dick fuck is eating away at her. She was vulnerable, and I just know he took advantage of her. Even though she hasn’t told me as much, my instincts are usually right.
With a finger to her lips, I bend to look into her eyes. “Stop. Don’t go there in your head about anything other than the fact that we have each other now. We’re not looking back. Not living in the past. Not letting anything stop us from going forward, okay?”
“Okay,” she whispers.
“Now, let me show you the best part.” I reach into the shower and turn the water on.
When it shoots out of seven different jets, she jumps and claps her hands. “Shut up!”
“I remodeled. Got rid of the tub.” I angle my head where the bathtub used to be. She doesn’t like baths and has a thing for big ass showers.
“Oh, my God. This is awesome.” She leans in and squeals when water sprays her.
“The floor is heated, and I had an extra-large bench put in.”
She yanks her top off then puts her fingers in the waistband of her pants. “You coming?”
I divest myself of my clothes as I watch her do the same. Already ready for her, I push her in then turn her to plaster her front against the tile. I reach between her legs and angle one of the jets up. She moans, long and deep. “Fuck yeah, I’m gonna come but not before you do.”