I WALK IN THE DOOR to my parents’ house and am scooped up in hugs. Tears roll down everyone’s cheeks, including my father’s. Jay walks to the other side of the room and stands next to Opal, who is holding her baby. He smiles down at them, and my heart squeezes because I’m actually in the right state of mind to realize that he’s looking at them like they’re his own sister and niece. Just as he was in the picture on Opal’s Facebook page.
Almost like the Red Sea, my entire family parts and I walk over to the other side of the room. Jay nods at me and I have to cover my mouth when Olivia finally turns her face in my direction. Her eyes are so bright, and her cheeks are puffy and pink. I know she’s two years old, but to me, she’s just an itty-bitty baby. She smiles, her bright white teeth shining. Her little voice squeals, and she leans toward me, holding her arms out.
I grab her and hold her little head to my face, smelling her for the first time and hugging her as tight as I can without hurting her. A small sob wracks through my body, the enormity of the amount of time I’ve missed evident in my arms. Olivia screams and kicks her feet.
“Come here, baby girl.” Jay takes her from me, and before I have a chance to feel the loss, Opal crashes into me.
She squeezes the shit out of me, and I hold her just as tight. Our hiccupped cries mimic one another, and after several minutes, I finally pull back. I hold her face, which is much thinner due to the baby fat falling off, and shake my head. “You look so grown up.”
“Having a baby will do that to you.”
I glance over and see Jay with a very happy Olivia on his hip and a small smile on his lips. He looks good with a baby. And this particular baby loves him. “Jay.” Her voice is full of laughter. “Hi, Jay.”
He rubs his nose against hers. “Hi, Olivia.”
She squirms to get down, and he sets her on her wobbly legs. “Jay! Pway wif me.” Her chubby hand grabs his fingers and tugs.
“Okay, okay. Let’s go.” He lets her pull him across the room, and after they’re around the corner, my aunt Lois grabs my arm and starts asking a million questions.
My mom rips me away from her and hugs me. Then Dad comes over and hugs us both. They tell me how much they missed me and how much they love me. I swallow down the emotional overload and step back then hold my arms out for the twins.
They’re hesitant, but I meet them halfway and wrap one arm around each of them. The same words of love and feelings of lost time are spoken to me once again. I’m so glad I waited until today to come here. I wouldn’t have been able to handle this last night.
Finally, we all laugh as we pass around a box of Kleenex, and when I hold my left hand out for the box, my mom screams. “Are you engaged?”
I wiggle my fingers and nod. “Yes!”
“Jay, get in here!” Opal shouts.
He rushes in with a look of slight panic on his face until he sees me. “You told them?”
I don’t get to answer him because another round of hugs is in order, but this time, it’s for a celebration. Any tears shed are happy ones, and as the minutes tick by, I feel less and less like an outsider, and more like I’m back home.
I’m overwhelmed but in a good way. Stories of things that happened get told, and when everyone settles in with a drink on the back patio, it’s my turn to share the past three years with them.
Jay comes over to my chair, lifts me up, and then sets me back down on his lap. His fingers rub small circles over my jeans, and he kisses my neck.
I ignore my hormones and gloss over a lot of details as I’m reliving my time away. I tell them I had a lot of different jobs and ended up working at a restaurant until Jay came to get me. His body tightens beneath me, and when he realizes I’m not going to tell them whose restaurant it was, he slowly relaxes.
They don’t need to know that, and I certainly don’t want them asking a bunch of questions and things about Paxton, especially since my mom has a couple of his cookbooks.
“Where else did you work?” my mom asks.
“A retail store, a couple of them, actually… oh, and I was a bikini barista for a month.”
The man beneath me goes solid and sits up then grabs my chin and turns my head. His eyes are dark. “What the fuck is a bikini barista, because it sounds like a barista who wears a bikini, and I know that my woman wasn’t parading around in a fucking swimsuit for a bunch of horny men.”
I bite my lip, remembering why I left that job out of the ones I told Jay about. Waving him off, I roll my eyes. “I was only there a little while. You know I hate coff—”
“Oh, Livvie.” He smacks his lips against mine and puts his lips to my ear. “We’ll be talking about this later. And you’re going to show me what you wore.” I start to shake my head, but he doesn’t stop, his low, rumbly voice shooting straight to my core. “You’re going to put each one on then you’re gonna take them off… nice and slow.”
I have some kind of response, but whatever it is dies on my tongue. Olivia lets out a scream, and I look over to see Opal standing up with one fussy little girl. “I’m going to put her to bed.”
“Can I go with you?” I ask.
“Of course.”
I squeeze Jay’s thigh and give him a quick kiss before standing. “You good to stay for a bit?”
“I’m good as long as I have you.”
Bending down, I kiss him once more then follow Opal upstairs. With every step she takes, Olivia’s eyes get heavier. I smile at her angelic face, wishing I knew more about her. When we get into the room she shares with Opal, I sit on Olivia’s little toddler bed and wait for her to get a diaper change.
“Those pajamas are adorable,” I whisper and point at the pink onesie with white polka dots on it.
“I love shopping for her. It’s so fun.” She lays Olivia on the bed and rubs her head. “I’m so happy you got to meet her finally. I tell her about you all the time.”
“Me too. She’s beautiful. She looks just like you.”
Opal runs her fingers over her face. “I showed her pictures of you. Told her how much I missed you.” Her voice softens with each word, and I look up to see tears falling out of her eyes.
“Don’t cry. I’m here now.” I give her a one-armed hug and dab at the wetness on her face.
“I know. I’m just so glad.”
Olivia’s eyes get heavier, and once they close, I glance around the room. It’s not changed much since I left, aside from the fact there’s a crib and an additional dresser. It’s dark, but there’s a small lamp that emits enough light for me to see the photo in a beautiful white frame, and it’s then that it hits me. “Where is Josh?”
Opal makes a strangled sound in her throat. “Jay didn’t tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
“Josh died, Liv.”
I cover my mouth to hide the loud gasp that flies out. “Oh, Opal, I’m so sorry. How did it happen? When?” I shake my head. “I’m sorry, that was rude.”
“No, it wasn’t. I just assumed Jay told you.”
“He didn’t.”
“He’s my hero, Liv. I swear, if it wasn’t for him, I don’t know if I could have gotten through it.” She smiles weakly. “That was why I got so mad on the phone. We got real close, and I just knew how much he missed you and loved you and how much he did when you were gone.
“I don’t think you even know how many hours he put in or the things he sacrificed, Olive. And I don’t mean that to sound mean or make you feel bad. Just… you’re so lucky.”
I place my hand on hers. “I know. I really am.”
“He’s seriously the best. He came to my first ultrasound appointment, and he smacked sense into Josh when he was running scared. Josh transformed into a man, Liv. He was determined to do it right and was working so hard doing everything he could to be a good father. Which is why Jay held my hand when I brought Olivia into the world.”
“Where was Josh?”
“He died on his way to the hospital. He was flying down the road on his stupid fucking motorcycle that I told him I didn’t want him to ride anymore. And the ironic thing…” She shakes her head. “He said once she was born, he was never going to ride it again. He was rushing. Olivia came fast. I called him only an hour before she was born. He was on the other side of town working overtime, trying to make as much money as he could for us, and he was speeding so fast he lost control. I don’t know how Jay found out.
“I was in the delivery room by myself, and I was so mad he wasn’t there. I remember being… just so pissed. I thought he chickened out now that she was actually going to be here. I only wanted him in the room. Mom and Dad, the twins, Jay… they were in the waiting room, so when the door opened just as I was pushing, I was actually relieved because I expected it to be Josh. But it wasn’t. And something about the look on Jay’s face told me without him having to say anything.
“Josh was brought into the hospital alive but pronounced dead at nine fifteen that night. Olivia was born at nine sixteen. I didn’t even smile at my daughter. I cried. All I did was cry, Liv.”
I pull her to me, and we both do just that. Silently sitting on the edge of Olivia’s bed, I hold my sister. “It’s not fair,” she whispers.
“It’s not.” I sniffle. “It’s really not. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s just not fair,” she says one more time, and I hold her a little tighter.
Olivia squirms, and we slide off her bed and onto the floor. Opal rests her head on my shoulder, and I play with her hair. I cannot imagine how my baby sister went through all that at seventeen years old.
Here I am having a pity party for myself because my boyfriend was keeping me safe. It doesn’t matter the circumstances. And when it all comes down to it, I was the one who put myself in the position to be a target of Marco’s. I went to Jay’s work alone. I didn’t call Jay first. I confessed to a detective before I could tell Jay what happened.
Though I don’t think the latter of the three would have made a difference. The guy was evil, and it sounds like he took great pleasure in hurting other people, specifically women. I will never forget the look on his face the couple of times I saw him.
His eyes spoke an evil tale. A soulless being who haunted my dreams for years.
But I haven’t had a nightmare in about six months since the restaurant consumed my time. Which was a reason I liked doing what I was as well. Being busy helped take away the time to think. It made me so tired that I just passed out and didn’t have the energy to even dream. And now that I know Marco is gone, hopefully I won’t ever have those dreams again.
“I have to tell you something that I wasn’t going to, but I think you deserve to know.”
My mind snaps out of my train of thought and immediately derails to a breadth of possibilities… none of which make my heart stop pounding.
“One night, when I went to Jay’s house.”
“Oh, God.”
“Nothing happened.” She lifts her head and shakes it dramatically. “Nothing. I swear. Gross. Just listen, please.”
I take a breath. “Okay.”
“He got pissed at me because I said something about him not knowing what he was doing, and it was taking too long to get you back. He went upstairs, and I continued drinking, which is something I’d never done before. I passed out on the couch, and when I woke up, he was still sleeping.
“I went to apologize before I left and sat on the edge of the bed and holy shit, Liv. He jumped out of that bed so fast he was a blur.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I just wanted you to know… he loves you, Olive. I mean, I always knew he did, but when he even sensed there was someone other than you in his bed, he flipped the fuck out. He was pissed. It happened so fast, and it really just kind of cemented to me how dedicated he is to you, and I just wanted you to know that, I guess.”
I know he loves me. And I’m ridiculously lucky to say he’s mine. But of all the things she said, one thing stood out. “Why the hell would you accuse him of not knowing what he was doing?”
Her eyes widen, stunned. “I was a bitch. I missed Josh; I missed you; I was lonely. I was trying to raise a baby and get my GED, and I was a drunk, stupid idiot.”
“You said those things before you were drunk, Opal. God, what a bitchy move.” My face heats with anger. “How dare you. Everything that he did for you and how hard he worked and the things that man gave up for me, and you have the audacity to accuse him of—”
“Livvie, that’s enough.” Jay’s voice cuts through the room, and I snap my lips closed, glaring at my sister. “Come here. Both of you.”
We stand, and I don’t look at her. I’m beyond angry that she would say something like that to him. Opal closes the door behind us when we step into the hallway. Jay leans on the wall across from us and motions back and forth between Opal and me. “This is not happening. You two are not going to say one negative thing about the other, and the things each other did the past three years. We all fucked up somehow. We all said or did things that were the wrong decisions. We all coped in our own way, and some of those ways had the potential to hurt someone else.
“Hear me, ladies? It’s done. Got it?”
I tear my eyes from him to look over at my sister. She’s fighting back tears and clearly feeling a world of remorse. “Isn’t he hot when he gets all bossy?”
She laughs.
Jay rolls his eyes.
I hug my sister, and Jay wraps his long arms around us. He kisses the top of my head then messes up Opal’s hair. “Hey,” she protests. “You jerk. Now I have to go brush it.”
Once she’s down the hallway and in the bathroom, Jay kisses me on my cheek then works his lips up to my ear. “Let’s go. I feel like being bossy some more.”