Russ fumbled with his keys, finally getting the door open and pushing it wide.
The look Josie flashed him was so full of desire that he sucked in a quick breath. She took his hand and led him into his house. Then she took off his hat, tossed it aside, and smoothed her hands through his hair. “Your hair’s so soft.”
What did a guy say to something like that? “Thank you.”
She nuzzled his neck. “And you smell so good.” Kissing and licking her way to his ear, she ran her tongue around the shell as her fingers began to open the buttons on his shirt. “So sweet,” she murmured.
He tried to catch his breath, to take a moment to think about what was about to happen and decide whether they should take this huge step. His body was ready.
Yet there was something holding him back.
After she finished with the buttons, she tugged his shirttail out of his jeans and spread the shirt wide. He shrugged out of the garment and cast it aside while she rubbed her nose against the patch of hair on his chest.
When her hands went to work on his belt, Russ felt as if he were caught in the middle of a tornado, swept up in the intensity to the point where he had no control.
He grabbed her wrists. “Let’s slow down, darlin’.”
Joslynn cocked her head but didn’t let go. “Slow down? Why?” She leaned in and kissed him again.
He tried to relax and surrender to her kiss.
But his thoughts suddenly clouded with doubt.
Before he could sort out exactly what was bothering him, she had his belt unbuckled and was almost done unbuttoning his jeans.
Something just wasn’t right—something he needed to work through before he opened up to her so personally.
Then suddenly he knew exactly why he couldn’t make love to her yet. Yes, there was a part of him that wanted to revel in the sexual storm. But he knew there was a much larger prize at stake.
There was something about her, something that told Russ he might have found someone who was worth taking a risk despite his possibly scary future.
Maybe it was the intelligence that radiated from her, or her quick, witty humor. Maybe it was the gentle way she’d cared for him in the hospital. Maybe it was how easy it was to just be with her, to talk to her, to share himself in a way he’d never wanted to with another woman.
Josie made him want to learn everything about her. Which meant he wanted to get to know her before they traded what could one day be a lasting relationship for a roll in the sheets.
He seized her wrists again when she tried to slide his jeans over his hips. “Wait. Please. We need to talk.”
Her hands smoothed over his bare chest. “Talking is the last thing I want to do.” Her gaze found his. “Oh, are you out of condoms?”
“No. I’ve got condoms, but—”
Bending down, she licked his nipple, making him groan and drop his head back. Her fingers trailed down his chest, over his abdomen, and under the waistband of his briefs.
He forced himself to take a step back. “Wait. Please, Josie.”
Joslynn frowned at him. “What’s wrong?”
“We’re moving so fast…”
Her frown deepened. “Don’t you want me?”
“God, yes.”
With a stern glare, she folded her arms under her breasts. “And I want you. We’re consenting adults; we have privacy and condoms. So what’s the hang-up?”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “I need to tell you something.”
She dropped her arms and took a step toward him; he took one in retreat.
“Russ…”
“Can we sit and talk?”
“You really want to talk? Now?”
“Yeah, you know. Get to know each other a little better.”
A confused sulk formed on her face as her arms dropped to her sides. “I don’t understand. I mean, you’re a guy.”
He had no idea what she was talking about. “What?”
“You’re a guy,” she said. “Guys never want to stop and talk.”
“This guy does.”
She shot him an incredulous frown before she sighed. “Fine. Let’s sit and talk.”
Russ buttoned his pants and picked up his shirt. After thrusting his arms in the sleeves, he pulled it closed and fastened a couple buttons.
Joslynn had turned on the lamp and was taking a good look around his mess of an apartment.
“Sorry,” he immediately said out of habit. “I’m not here much, and cleaning isn’t my thing.”
She didn’t comment, just picked up the clothes he’d left draped over the sofa and set them aside before taking a seat.
He was having difficulty reading her, partly because he still wanted her so desperately he was having a hard time holding on to his resolve that they should wait. What they could share as a couple—the future they might have together—gave him strength…and a thin thread of patience.
How odd. He was going to fight for a relationship, something he’d all but vowed never to do after his father’s diagnosis, not wanting to burden a significant other with that sharp sword perpetually hanging over his head.
Yet the more time he spent with Joslynn, the more determined he became that they could—no, would—share something more than a bed. If Russ had his way, it would grow and evolve into the kind of love his parents shared, one that went beyond the here and now and embraced the future—even if his future might include a horrible illness.
That thought gave him pause. Was he setting her up for the prospect of watching him deteriorate?
For the first time since his father’s diagnosis, Russ wondered if his own future wasn’t necessarily written in stone. Was he truly doomed to be reduced to what his father was slowly and agonizingly becoming?
He found that he didn’t have the courage to find out for sure. His father’s doctor had offered genetic testing, but Russ had declined. For now he simply preferred to stay in a state of denial rather than discover that he was doomed.
Nothing in life was certain. Nothing.
Joslynn inspired him to take a chance. She was worth the gamble. Even if there might one day be a genetic storm coming their way.
Why throw his future away, especially if the odds might not be stacked against him—against them? Why not try to discover if the connection he felt to Josie could be more than a few tumbles between the sheets and an awkward parting?
“Well?” Josie had drawn her lips into a tight line. “You wanted to talk. Let’s talk.”
He hadn’t realized he’d lost himself so deeply in thought. “I think we should take things slow. Physically, I mean.”
“Are you saying you don’t want me?”
That statement made him laugh. “Of course I want you. I want you badly.”
She cocked her head. “Then I don’t understand, Russ.”
“I think we should take a little more time before we…get too physical.”
“Because…?”
He answered with honesty. “Because I think we might have something special here, and I don’t want to mess it up.”
“Special? You mean like boyfriend and girlfriend? No. No way.” She shook her head.
Russ blinked a few times, unsure why the tone of her voice was so adamant. “Why not?”
“I’m not looking to tie myself down,” Josie replied. “I’ve never been one for having a boyfriend.” She gave him a sharp frown as she again crossed her arms under her breasts as though hugging herself. Her gaze drifted away until she was staring at the wall.
It wasn’t what she said as much as how she said it. Adding the shakiness of her words to her body language, Russ realized there was a reason she was so resistant to the idea.
Joslynn was afraid.
But of what?
As always, he dove in headfirst. “What’s got you so scared?”
Her head whipped around, and she frowned at him. “Scared? I’m not scared.”
“Horse shit.”
“I’m not.”
“You’re terrified of getting involved with me.”
“I am involved with you.” She let out an inelegant little snort. “At least I was trying to be involved with you.”
He shook his head. “You’re talking about wanting sex. I want more.”
“More?” Her tone was incredulous. “What more could you want?”
“Honestly?”
“Of course.”
“I want the whole damn thing. I want our own happily-ever-after.”
* * *
Joslynn let out a rueful laugh, not at all surprised when he glared at her in response. “There’s no such thing as a happily-ever-after, Russ. Those don’t exist.”
Russ cocked his head. “You really believe that?”
She shot him a curt nod, hoping he’d stop saying stupid things.
Life had shown her that all connections were fleeting. People might say they were in love, but what they truly meant was that they were in lust. The going got tough, and someone always left.
Fuck happily-ever-after.
Without another word, he strode over to a set of shelves next to his television. One of the tiers was full of picture frames, something she’d been too preoccupied to notice when they’d come inside. After picking up one of the frames, he came to sit next to her on the sofa. He set it on her lap. “Tell these two that.”
The picture was clearly old, a black-and-white image. Two smiling faces from long ago stared back at her—a beaming bride and groom, looking ready to take on the whole world.
“Who are they?” she asked, her voice only a whisper.
“My grandparents. Their happily-ever-after lasted sixty-one years.”
While Joslynn was inclined to shrug that story away, she didn’t. Not only would it hurt Russ’s feelings, but she wouldn’t negate what these two people had achieved.
Yet the idea of a couple staying together sixty-plus years was hard to grasp. There had to be something different about them, something that made their connection last when myriad others had broken apart.
Perhaps they were older when they said their vows, which meant their marriage was a commitment made between two mature people who’d had a chance to live and were ready to be tied down. She’d heard of those kinds of couples staying together. “When did they marry? In their late twenties? Early thirties?”
He chuckled. “Hardly. They tied the knot right out of high school. Grandma was barely eighteen,” he replied, lightly touching the photograph of the woman’s face. “Grandpa was close to twenty.”
Joslynn shrugged and set the frame on the coffee table. “I guess they were lucky.”
“My parents have been married thirty-eight years.”
She simply shrugged again.
“I like you, Josie. A lot.” The serious tone of his voice felt like a punch to the gut.
“I like you too, but liking doesn’t mean we’ll be successful in a relationship like your parents or your grandparents. They aren’t the usual. Not in this day and age. Couples don’t stay together anymore. Getting married is just the first step toward getting divorced. Relationships are nothing but heartache waiting to happen.”
He stared at her, frowning. “Are you divorced?”
The man was fishing for personal information, which was enough to make her squirm. “No.”
“Your parents are, though, right?”
She’d have to distract him from his inquisition. The last thing she’d wanted tonight was to start sharing her life’s story. Blabbing about her father’s betrayal, her mother’s emotional distance? Discussing how her own childhood trials had been what cost her parents any chance of happiness? Those were cards she had no intention of showing anyone, not even someone as special as Russ.
The sexual heat still flaring inside her made her want to show him that there were better things they could be doing. She put her hand on his thigh and inched up the thick muscle, hoping to give him something more pleasurable to think about. “Look, Russ…Can’t we forget this happily-ever-after stuff for now? There are ways we can spend our time that are a helluva lot more fun.”
His hand covered hers. “Is that really all you want? Just a roll in the hay?”
How was she supposed to answer that?
No man had ever been worth more than a “roll in the hay” to her. Except…
No, she wasn’t taking that trip down memory lane. Once upon a time, when she’d been young and stupid, she’d opened her heart and let someone in.
Her reward for that love and trust?
Her heart had been shredded and tossed right back to her.
Then there was her “beloved” father…
Another trip down wretched memory lane better left untraveled.
Yet Russ had her so confused, she wasn’t sure how to respond to his question. Yes, of course she wanted to sleep with him, to see how great they’d be together in bed. The desire for him racing through her was deeper than she’d ever felt for any man, and the chemistry was undeniable.
But could that mean she’d finally found someone she was willing to open up to, to take a chance again? Someone with whom she could share something other than passion?
Fairy tales. Love was only for fairy tales, not for real life. “Relationships are doomed to fail, Russ. That might’ve worked for your grandparents, even for your parents, but people don’t stay together anymore.”
“What about Savannah and Brad?”
“They’re great together, but…” She shrugged. “Time will tell.”
“And the same for Chelsea and Ethan?”
“They’re all grown-ups. They’ve lived enough to know what they want.”
“Aren’t we grown-ups, too?”
All she did was shrug again, but his arguments were wearing her down, much to her astonishment.
Can he be right? “Maybe…But…”
He cocked an eyebrow. “So you’re not willing to give us a try? You’re not even going to give me a chance to prove you wrong?” He surprised her when he brushed his mouth over hers. A quick kiss that was over and done in the blink of an eye. “There’s something here, Josie. You know it as well as I do. There’s something that might just be that more that people are always searching for, and I want to know if we can have something special. I want to know that we are at least willing to try.”
* * *
Josie had been hurt. That much was plain. But when? By whom?
She wasn’t going to make things easy for him. This was going to be a prize Russ would have to wage war to win.
And deep down, his gut was telling him that was exactly what he should do. Fight for her.
He stood, pulling her up with him. Then he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close as she lay her cheek against his shoulder. “I like you, Josie. A lot. And I want you. But for the first time in a long, long time, I want to see if I might have finally found a woman I can share everything with.” He nudged her chin up so he could see her eyes. “You might not believe two people can stay together, but won’t you give me the chance to try to prove you wrong?”
Emotions played across her beautiful face, but Russ couldn’t read them. He was pretty sure there was no anger, but was she showing him fear?
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he said. “I can’t read your mind.”
“I like you too,” she said.
He dropped a kiss on her forehead. “I know a lot of other guys would shut the hell up and just take you to bed. But if we take that step now, too quickly, you and I both know we’re probably killing any chance of having something more long-term.”
“You really believe that, don’t you?”
He nodded.
Her lips pulled into a tight line. “I’ve never seen a relationship that works.”
“Never?” He wasn’t sure how to respond. “What about your parents?”
“Dad left the moment I got—he left before I really even knew him.”
“Grandparents?”
“My mother never knew her father. He died in Vietnam a few months before she was born. I’ve never had any contact with anyone from my sperm donor’s family.”
Sperm donor? No wonder the woman had commitment issues. “I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. “Don’t be.”
There was clearly more to the story, but she’d opened up a lot for one night. The rest would come with time and trust.
Russ kissed her, a slow, deep kiss. When he pulled back, Josie followed him, putting her lips against his again. Then she eased back and let out a small sigh.
“Okay,” she said with a brusque nod.
“Okay what?”
“Okay…you win. We do this the old-fashioned way. I can’t promise you anything…”
“I only want one promise,” he insisted. “Just be honest with me. That’s all I can ask.”
“Honesty, huh?” Her coy smile made his heart skip a beat. “Then I can honestly tell you that you’d better take me home now, or I’m gonna change my mind and jump you instead of letting us get to know each other.”
Sweeping his arm toward the door, he said, “Your chariot awaits, m’lady.”