Russ sat in his SUV, staring at the Cottage and wondering how he was going to be able to find the courage to do what needed to be done, no matter how painful it would be.
Joslynn was in there, waiting for him. When he’d finally made the call to tell her that he needed to talk to her, she’d let out a rather shaky laugh and told him she needed to talk to him too. She’d all but demanded that he come by, and there had been something in her voice that had made him feel an urgency where before there had been only dread.
With a resigned sigh, he forced himself out of the SUV and headed to the blue front door with the pretty flowers she’d painted there.
She opened the door before he could press the doorbell. “Come in,” she ordered before softening it with a whispered, “please.”
Following her inside, he declined her offer for coffee or iced tea. Reminding himself over and over that he was doing this for her, that he was doing the right thing, he took a seat on the overstuffed chair instead of sitting by her on the sofa.
It’s like ripping off a bandage, Russ. Just do it.
Dressed in faded jeans and a purple short-sleeved shirt, she leaned back against the cushions, making an X of her arms and cupping her elbows as though she was cold. Her eyes were fixed on him, and there was a sadness in those dark pools that he knew he’d put there.
Did she know what he was there to do?
After several stilted, silent moments passed, Russ worked up his courage. “First, I want to thank you for all you’ve done for my parents.”
Her brows gathered, and the sadness was replaced with a budding anger. “That’s what you came to tell me?”
“Well, no…I just needed to say it. Things are going so much better for them because of everything you helped them do.”
“And your way to thank me was to treat me like a leper for two weeks and only deign to talk to me at your convenience?”
He winced.
“Let me ask you something…What exactly did I do, Russ? What did I do wrong to make you avoid me?”
The acerbic edge to her voice was deserved. Josie had a right to her anger. He had avoided her, but not for anything she’d done—because he’d been too much of a coward to just set her free.
“You said ‘first.’”
Her comment brought him back from his thoughts. “Pardon?”
“You said ‘first,’ that you wanted to thank me for helping Baron and Yvonne ‘first.’ What’s second?” Her icy tone sent goose bumps across his arms.
“Before that, tell me about what you said was so important,” he insisted, knowing that as soon as he sank the knife into her, she’d never want to speak to him again.
She shook her head. “What’s ‘second,’ Russ?”
Standing, he slid his hands in the front pockets of his jeans, feeling awkward. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking the last couple of weeks.” Which was true. If he told her about the genetic testing, she would insist on staying with him. That’s why he went alone to get the results, to protect her if it was bad news. Had she heard the results, he could never set her free. Even now she wouldn’t let him go unless he hurt her.
No matter how much it killed him to do so.
“Clearly,” she said, “all that thinking has taken up all of your time and made it impossible to answer your phone calls or texts.” Each word dripped with disdain.
“I’m sorry about that, Josie.” He rubbed the back of his neck before shoving his hand back in his pocket. “I was…busy.”
“And I’m president of the United States.”
Taking the clipped sarcasm as his due, Russ bit back any retort. “Look, we’ve had a lot of fun together. Right? I mean I’ve really enjoyed being with you.” I love you. “But…” He just couldn’t seem to make himself look her in the eyes.
“But you’re breaking up with me. Is that what you came to tell me?”
The rage in her voice wasn’t what finally made Russ focus on her face.
It was the hurt.
The moment he saw the twisting emotions playing across her features, he almost changed his mind. Were he not doing this for her own good, to spare her the agony of being tied to a man whose future was likely to be full of pain and sorrow, he would’ve gathered her into his arms and promised to never, ever hurt her again.
Then he saw his mother’s battered face in his mind’s eye. “Yeah. I guess I’m breaking up with you.”
* * *
Joslynn wasn’t surprised. Russ’s behavior the last two weeks had all but screamed his intentions. Despite knowing what had been coming, she thought she was doing a good job of hiding her tumultuous feelings.
Until he actually said the words.
There would be no tears. Especially not now, and most definitely not in front of Russ Green.
Tears for him?
Fuck him. Fuck him and the fucking horse he rode in on.
How had she allowed this to happen again? She thought she’d learned her lessons well, that she would protect her heart from this kind of pain. Her father. Tim. There was no way she should’ve found herself in this situation, getting her feelings shredded by a guy.
I love him.
And he said he loved me.
Fuck. Fuckety fucking fuck.
She wanted him out of her house, and she wanted him out right now. But she’d stay civil. It was the one way she could be sure he didn’t know exactly how much he’d hurt her.
“Well, then…” A deep breath kept her emotions under tenuous control. “What else is there to say?”
“You okay, Josie?”
“Fine.” Her teeth tugged on her bottom lip as she stood up.
Russ came to stand in front of her and held out a hand. “We can still be friends, right?”
Everything inside her wanted to slap his hand away as hard as she could. Instead of touching him, she crossed her arms under her breasts and headed to the front door. “It’s not like we’ll see each other much, but being friends?” A quick shake of her head as she opened the door. “There’s no reason for that. We’re breaking up, then we’re done. Period. And I’d appreciate it if you’d leave now.”
He walked to the door as though someone had weighted his feet down with lead. Stopping when he stood in front of her, he put a hand on her arm. It was clear that he wanted to say more, but she didn’t want to hear anything else.
She shrugged his hand away. “Good-bye, Russ.”
“Josie…”
“Good-bye.”
Why he was so reluctant to go was beyond her. The man should be leaving skid marks since she’d let him off the hook so easily. She hadn’t pulled the stereotypical whining, weeping girlfriend who was begging him to stay. She’d given him the freedom he’d wanted and was ready to let him waltz right out of her life. No strings attached.
“I still want to know what you wanted to tell me.” His voice was breathy and soft as though his throat was clogged.
“I don’t care what you want.”
Those blue eyes took on a hangdog expression, and no matter how much she didn’t want to react to it, she did. “Is there anything I can do?” he asked.
Her teeth were digging in her lower lip hard enough to draw blood. No words would come, not even angry ones. Joslynn only shook her head.
“I guess I’ll be seeing you, then.”
She shut the door as soon as he’d cleared the threshold, clicking the dead bolt and hoping he heard it slide into place—and that he knew it was more than just shutting him out of her home. Never again would she let him back into her life.
Fool me once…
A tear spilled over her lashes, and she furiously swiped it away. Stripping as she hurried to her bedroom, she got into her running attire as quickly as she could manage and was out the door and on the move less the five minutes after Russ Green walked out of her life.
* * *
Three days later, Joslynn almost smiled at the Care Bears adorning the scrubs of the nurse taking her blood pressure. She loved the scrubs that nurses donned at her hospital.
But there was nothing in her life to smile about, and once Dr. Blunt did this physical, she might well find herself in another fight for her life.
The room was chilly, and wearing nothing but the stupid gown made Joslynn feel exposed. She always went out of her way to try to make her ER patients feel more comfortable when they were in similar attire. But despite helping a person cover with a sheet or a blanket, she knew those gowns equaled vulnerability.
The nurse closed her laptop and tucked it under her arm. “The doctor will be in shortly.”
“Thank you.”
Waiting for him wouldn’t be easy. Not only because she was type A and needed to constantly be doing something, but because this visit had so much at stake. Before coming here, she’d stood in front of her mirror and visually inspected everything from head to toe. There wasn’t a single thing that looked “wrong” to her. She’d checked her breasts, her groin, searching for lumps and finding nothing suspicious.
But cancer wasn’t always visible on the outside.
The door opened, making her jump since she hadn’t expected Dr. Blunt so quickly.
“How are you feeling, Joslynn?” he asked as he set his laptop down on the counter.
“Still really tired. Although I’ll confess to running an awful lot lately.” More than was probably healthy, but it seemed as though the only way to hold her emotions at bay was to run until she was too exhausted to think.
“I see you’re down seven pounds,” he commented as he scrolled through the data the nurse had entered. “Try not to drop any more weight.”
She nodded, well aware that if she had a battle against disease in her near future, she needed to build herself up so she could face it. At least he talked to her like one professional to another instead of doing the handholding that she despised. Sure, she might treat patients with kid gloves, but she hated someone treating her as though she were made of glass.
“You didn’t get more blood drawn yet?” he asked.
She shook her head. She just hadn’t been able to force herself back to the lab.
“Then we’ll do that now.” He turned to her and smiled. “Maybe it will give us some answers.”
She shrugged.
“Let’s get this physical done, then, shall we?”
* * *
“You what?”
The volume of his mother’s voice made Russ flinch. “You heard me,” he said in a near whisper. The last thing he wanted to do was tell his parents a second time that he’d broken up with Josie.
Baron tossed him a scowl, stood up, and walked behind the sofa where Russ sat. Then he gave him a good smack to the back of the head. “What is wrong with you, Russ?”
Russ frowned over his shoulder at his dad.
“Why would you do that, Russell?” Yvonne asked.
Although he’d known his parents would have objections, it wasn’t as though Russ could give them the true reason. His father was having a good day. Russ wasn’t about to tell Baron that he’d let the love of his life go to spare her the ordeal of caring for an Alzheimer’s victim.
His heart ached. Walking away from Josie had been the equivalent of driving a sword into his own gut. The pain had been devastating, but he wasn’t about to sentence her to the kind of life his parents were living.
“Let me ask you a question,” Baron said.
Russ gave him a nod.
“When did you break that girl’s heart?”
The sharp question only increased Russ’s pain. “Three days ago.”
“And yet she was here this morning.”
It took a moment for his father’s statement to register. “What?”
“It’s true,” Yvonne said with a nod. “She came by after breakfast to bring us some information on a new physical therapist she says we should work with.”
Russ ran his hand over his face, trying to figure out what would possess Josie to go to his parents’ house after he’d broken up with her. “Are you kidding me?”
His mother shook her head. “She didn’t say a word about you or what happened. Said we should call her if we needed anything.”
Absolutely flabbergasted, Russ couldn’t think of a single reason why Josie was still checking on his parents. “Why would she do that?”
“You don’t know?” Yvonne asked. “You really don’t know?”
Baron let out a snort. “Ain’t got the sense God gave a goat.” Damn if he didn’t give Russ another smack to the head.
“Stop it, Dad.” He rubbed the sore spot. “No, Mom. I really don’t know.”
“Because she promised me she’d always be there if we needed her.”
The promise didn’t surprise him. Josie was a thoughtful person, and she always followed through with anything she said she’d do. But now that they were no longer a couple, that promise should’ve been nullified. What kind of person kept caring for an ex’s parents after the end of a relationship?
A kind, dedicated person like Joslynn. An NP who genuinely liked the people she cared for. He’d seen the way the tie between her, Yvonne, and Baron had grown. He shouldn’t have been so shocked that she still came by to check on them.
“She takes care of us because she loves you.” Yvonne came to sit next to him on the couch. Then she patted his knee. “I have to confess, Russell, that when you said you had something to tell us, I’d hoped you were going to say that you’d proposed to Joslynn.”
Like he’d do that to her.
I sentence you, Joslynn Wright, to life with a man who will one day forget who you are and hit you when he’s angry.
She glanced back at her husband. “We were both hoping you two would marry.”
“I wouldn’t do that to her,” Russ blurted out.
Yvonne gripped his leg. “What did you just say?”
“Nothing.”
“Answer your mother,” Baron insisted.
This wasn’t a discussion he wanted to have, so Russ jumped to his feet. “I need to go.”
“Don’t you dare walk away,” Yvonne said. “What did you mean that you wouldn’t do that to her?”
Hands on his hips, Russ kept his back to his parents. “I don’t want to talk about this.”
Baron put himself in front of Russ. “I think I understand.” He reached out to put his hands on his son’s shoulders. “Come sit down. Please.”
With a heaved sigh, he gave his father a nod and went to sit next to his mother again.
“This ain’t about you and Joslynn not getting along.” Baron’s eyes caught Russ’s, and there was naked pain in his father’s blue eyes—eyes that looked so like his own. “This is about me.”
“Dad…”
Yvonne kept shifting her gaze between Baron and Russ. Then her mouth became a surprised O.
“I need to go,” Russ said. His parents had enough problems. They didn’t need to have this discussion, one that would just make them feel worse about Baron’s illness.
“Russell!” Yvonne said. “Tell me you didn’t break up with that angel because of us!”
“I didn’t break up with her because of you.” Which, thanks to the way she’d asked, was the truth.
“Now you’re lying,” Baron said. He frowned and glanced to his wife. “He feels sorry for you, Vonny.”
“Dad, stop. Please.”
“He doesn’t want Joslynn to find herself in your shoes.” A tear slipped from Baron’s eye.
Russ swallowed hard. His father had never been one to show his emotions, yet another thing that Alzheimer’s had changed. But today was a good day, and Baron had control of his mind. Which meant he could see the effects of his illness on his family, exactly what Russ hadn’t wanted to remind him about. And he wasn’t about to make them feel some sort of misplaced guilt that he’d inherited the Alzheimer’s gene.
“Oh, Russell.” Yvonne shook her head. “You’re worried that one day you’ll be like your daddy.”
Baron was nodding and frowning, having swiped away the tear.
All Russ could do was nod. He was too choked up to say a word.
Looking to his wife, Baron said, “Let me ask you somethin’, Vonny. On the day I asked you to marry me, if someone would’ve told you that we’d be where we are now, would you have changed your mind?”
“No, sir. Not for nothing.” His mother looked back at Russ. “What do you think love is? A guarantee of happiness?”
“No,” Russ snapped. “I don’t think that.”
“Yet because of your daddy’s problem, you think you’re guaranteed unhappiness.”
He sure hadn’t thought of it that way. “It’s more than that.”
“Then tell us,” his father said, his tone as terse as Russ’s had been.
Head bowed, Russ shook his head.
“You had the test, didn’t you?” Yvonne asked. “That’s why you pushed Joslynn away.”
“Mom…”
“You have the gene, right?”
Russ’s shoulders sagged as he nodded.
“Oh, Russell. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s no one’s fault, Mom.”
Baron’s chin trembled. “I’m sorry, Russell. I’m so sorry.”
“Dad…” Russ hurried to Baron and embraced him. “There’s no blame. None at all.”
After a long hug, Russ finally let go only to find himself gathered into his mother’s arms. He held her as she softly wept.
When he let her go, she took his hand. “This doesn’t mean you have to leave Joslynn.”
“Yes, it damn well does.”
“What if you could switch places with her?” Yvonne asked. “What if she was the one who had the chance of getting something like your daddy has?”
The blunt talk in front of Baron bothered Russ, and he worried his father felt as though they were being cruel to speak so openly about his diagnosis. Then it dawned on him that they’d never really discussed how Alzheimer’s had changed all their lives. Maybe this talk was past due.
His mother pressed the point. “Would you want her to walk away from you for something that might happen to her years in the future?”
When he didn’t answer, she stood and went over to take Baron’s hand. “Go on home, Russell, and think on that for a while,” she said. “If the potential for a hardship is enough to send you running, well, then…Go on and run. She deserves a man with more guts.”