ELIZABETH

Almost two weeks of illicit visits to the Seventh Floor has me happier than I remember ever being.

After one secret rendezvous, when I return from ‘break,’ my next patient is a young man admitted for an acute asthma attack. I’m administering a ‘Subq’ of epinephrine into his arm.

“Breathe very slowly in. The oxygen mask will help you. I know you can’t go deep and that’s okay.”

Deep.

Mmmm.

Keep focused!

“And slowly out. Tell your mind that you’re safe, that you can breathe fine. That you’re in a hospital now and no one is going to let you die today so you have nothing to worry about anymore. That’s better. Little deeper.”

Deeper.

Oh my.

Focus!

“Very good. I know this shot hurts, but the adrenaline pumping…”

Pumping.

Elizabeth!

Get a hold of yourself.

“…through your heart will help clear your lungs. That’s it. You’re safe now.”

I take a deep breath of my own, handing the empty syringe to Sharon. My glance in her direction draws my attention to the door, where I see Chief Wallace Oberhan, an astute man whose every rise in rank was justly earned.

He’s not the man I want to see after what Caden and I were just doing. Sure, we deserve breaks and rarely take them, but how we spend that time wasn’t exactly well used by Atlanta Hope’s standards.

I get the slightest head-nod from him before he disappears.

Blinking back to the patient, my voice is uncharacteristically shaky. “Keep the oxygen mask on for now. Your lungs are clearing, but I know you had a scare.” I touch the nurse’s arm on my way out. “Stay with him, Sharon.”

“I will.”

Everything is slow-day normal in the corridor, but I’m moving fast. If Chief Oberhan found out about us, I need to know.

Can’t take suspense, never could.

I’d rather rip the Band Aid off, and I’ve been like this since childhood because until I find out exactly what’s happened, the tile floor will continue caving in on me.

Is Chief making me search?

Why didn’t he just stay outside the door and wait?

Is this some sort of mind-game?

“Stevens, you seen the Chief?”

“Think he went to his office.”

“Thanks.” I opt for the stairs to burn off steam. Sweat beads around my temple and dampens between my breasts. That’s where I get it the worst every time I’m scared.

Rapping on his open door, I wait for him to look up. He waves me in. Setting down his wooden pen, Oberhan leans back, one hand resting next to a picture of his wife angled for the world to admire her. They’ve been together a long time. It’s sweet. But right now it’s like two Oberhans are passing judgment on my affair.

“You wanted to see me?” I sit in the leather chair opposite him.

“There’ve been some budget cuts,” he begins, eyes heavy with responsibility. And conviction. “I’ve been looking at our first, second, and third-year residents and I’ve made some cuts based on your reports, and the reports of the other attendings.” He pushes the paper toward me.

I slide it closer, lift it and speed-read a handful of names. My heart stops at Caden’s, and my gaze sprints up in surprise. “Dr. Cocker is to be transferred to Chicago?”

“As are Harris, Nguyen, Williams and—”

“—Yes, I understand. I see them, and they are important.” My struggle to find a reason why we must keep Caden makes me glance to the paper. “But why did you choose Gilroy to stay over Cocker, I guess that’s my question.”

“From what you’ve written about Janet Gilroy, she’s the obvious choice.”

I blink at him, the memory of observations I’d recorded flying in front of me. “Just because I said she’s—”

“Emotionally bulletproof is I believe what you called her. That is what I’m looking for.”

“But Dr. Cocker is so good with the patients, and he’s equally skilled. I’ve been informed he wishes to become a cardiothoracic surgeon, so they won’t compete anymore.”

“And Dr. Gilroy informed me yesterday that she wishes to pursue the same. Stevens has space for only one, with these cuts. We need more women on our staff, Dr. Myers, and more diversity. She fits both. You understand.”

My mouth snaps shut. I believe in these things, so I’ve got nowhere to go. But I had no idea Janet harbored the same specialty ambition. When did this happen?

Oberhan’s eyes narrow. “Is there another reason you want to keep—”

“—No, Chief.” Reaching for an impersonal excuse to retain Caden, I land on the truth of why I believe he is exceptional, and lean forward to explain, “Just what I’ve already said. When the festival tent fell down on those people, there was a child who arrived by ambulance without her mother. She was only five, Chief. Dr. Gilroy was available, but I chose Dr. Cocker without a second thought because he has the sensitivity she does not. As good as she is, and you’ve read my thorough documentations of this, I have come to believe that Dr. Gilroy does not seem to possess empathy.”

His eyes flash. “I’ve made my decision!”

Helpless, I stare at the names as I stand up. Caden’s is glowing off the page.

He’s worked so hard. I’ve watched him grow so much. Seen his confidence expand, and it was me who nourished that ego by challenging him to push himself.

Even if we hadn’t crossed the boundary that we have, losing Caden would come as a shock to my system. As difficult as he has been, that man’s heart is supported by the talent we search for in our future attendings.

“Chief…I think this hospital needs a doctor like him.”

“Did I not just say—”

“—Can I tell him…them…or will it be you?”

“I will do it.” He extends his hand, palm up for me to return his hit list. As I go to leave, Chief informs me, “And Dr. Myers, the rumor-mill will spark when these talks begin. Don’t light the match.”

I exit without giving that remark any respect. Who does he think I am, some child? I don’t need the obvious spelled out for me. Of course I won’t tell anyone. That is why I asked!

In a daze I run into Caden and Dev as they step around a corner.

Chicago. Chicago. Chicago.

“Everything okay?” he asks, seeing my expression.

Chicago. Chicago. Chicago.

Mangal’s brow shoots up. “Something big come in?”

Chicago. Chicago. Chicago.

Caden asks, “Need me to run to the E.R.?”

Chicago. Chicago. Chicago.

Dev says, “It’s been a slow day today, huh. Guess we should be thankful.”

“You’re being sent to Chicago.”

Caden blinks at me. “What?!”

Dev’s mouth opens, speechless.

Furious, Caden steps closer. “Are you serious?”

Struggling to remember how I would normally have acted under these circumstances had we never kissed, had he never lit my body on fire, had he never given chocolates to an entire floor who needed kindness, I employ the voice I have used on more occasions than I can count. “Unfortunately there have been budget cuts, and—”

“—Is Janet leaving, too?”

Swallowing regret, I blink and shake my head.

Caden drags a hand through his hair, “Chicago?!” dropping his frown to the tile.

His friend, normally so amiable, is furious. “This come from the chief?”

“Yes.” My gaze flicks from him to Caden. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you.”

Caden stares like I just threw him a used bone when he deserves the steak. “Great. Thanks.” He storms off.

Dev pauses a beat before chasing after him. “Maybe you could talk Chief out of it, Dr. Myers!” He breaks into a run to catch up.

I’m standing here, helpless, knowing this is my fault.