CADEN

We’re gathered at our parents’ house for dinner. I’m laying down plates. Lexi sets napkins by each of them, uncharacteristically careful with how she positions them. Even Hunter has arrived on time and that says it all.

Samantha adjusts a flower arrangement that our cousin Zoe created, centering it on our dining table. “It figures these would start wilting already. They’re sad, too.”

I run my hand down her long blonde hair as I pass by. Max walks in with five wineglasses upside down in one hand, his fingers wrapped around the stems. Dad follows him with the last two, a bottle of their best Malbec, and one of Rosé.

“We should have a Family BBQ so everyone can say goodbye to you.”

“I couldn’t handle it, Dad.”

My siblings stare at me. I shrug, and take a seat. The chair rocks back at the heaviness of my drop, and Samantha rushes over to hug me. “Oh Caden!”

“I hate this. I don’t want to leave you guys.”

Max sets the wine glasses down, frowning hard.

Hunter says, “Here Dad, let me open it.”

There’s emotion in his voice as Dad insists, “I need to stay busy.”

This wrecks me, and I start crying. Lexi runs over to hug the other side of me, both sisters bent over my hunched body. I’ve never been without my family, and I’ve never wanted to be. Yeah sure, every single one of them has driven me crazy on countless occasions, none of which I can remember right now.

Mom walks into the room. “Girls, Max, Hunter, excuse us for a second. Your father and I need to talk to your brother.”

My siblings head out as I sit back and stare between my two parents, Jason and Sarah Cocker, still happily married after all these fights. Her almond eyes that I inherited are fixed on me. Dad’s pale greens are on her.

She’s so much shorter than he is. It’s always been comical to us—we’ve never let her forget it. But her personality fills a room, her curly red hair a warning of her fiery personality. She used to manage a superstar singer, and then moved on to publicity for Dad and my cousin Gabriel. Plus whichever other artist inspired her, she would help them where she could, and keep their head on straight. Since Dad is an A-List music producer, he came across quite a few acts who didn’t have the right wind under their sails. Together, my parents helped put a lot of great music into people’s ears in their own separate ways.

I know they’re going to console me, tell me they love me, they’re always here for me—all that good stuff I want to hear. Grabbing a napkin I ready myself and sniff, “Mom?”

“Caden, I’m not sure why you’re so upset. It will be good to get some distance from the family so you can focus more on your dreams.”

Dad gasps, “Sarah!” He blinks from her to me and I’m just as shocked.

“What?” she demands, eyebrow arched. “It’s not a long flight, Jason.”

“But…but…” Flabbergasted, he drags a hand through his white-blonde hair, paled more by time now. “What if he likes it there?”

“Then we’ll go visit him.”

If my brothers and sisters heard this shit, they’d fly through the roof! I’m staring at her, speechless, my back straightening on the chair. She knocked the tears right out of me, that’s for fucking sure. Mom’s gaze is unyielding and she’s ignoring Dad’s grumbles and weight shifting.

I blink, stand up, and walk past them into the kitchen where I pick up the lasagna she made. Alone, I take three deep breaths.

Max and the others come in, footsteps hurrying up with Max whispering, “What’d she say?” his emerald eyes darker than normal.

“She said, suck it up. Done. Let’s eat.”

Samantha’s mouth drops open.

Lexi’s tightens.

Hunter’s brow flies up. “No shit?!”

Max’s voice goes dead. “I’ll get the garlic bread.”

Lexi heads for the counter. “Let me grab the salad. Sam?”

“I’ll take in the dressing,” Samantha mutters in confusion, “And I think we forgot cracked pepper, too.”

Hunter surprises us by offering, “I’ll grab the pepper. I got that.”

The four of them quickly follow me into the dining room, everyone taking our usual places we’ve held since we were born, under a modern chandelier beside paintings we can’t see anymore. Don’t think I’ve ever sat where Max is now, not once. Same goes for all. The only thing that’s changed is we’re allowed to drink wine now.

And my chair will be empty soon.

I won’t break down.

I’ll show her!

She’s not stronger than me.

I’ll show her.

The only sounds are clanking silverware, platters shifted, wine glasses dropped with heavy hands. Dad won’t look at Mom, or any of us, until Lexi breaks the silence. “We don’t have time for a BBQ, but we need to activate the phone vine. Have you told anyone, Dad?”

That she didn’t ask Mom—who she favors—is noticed by all. The defiant and icy way my redheaded sister is holding her chin is letting our mother know she is pissed. This posture is usually reserved for me and Max whenever we’re chasing her self-sabotaging ass down.

More silence.

Poking at his lasagna, Dad says, “I needed to adjust to the idea before inviting the crowd’s attention. Has Zoe told them?”

Since they live with Zoe, my sisters say, “No,” at the same time, while moving their forks around on their plates, too.

“I’ll do it,” Max offers. “Unless you want to, Mom.”

She gives his kind tone a grateful glance. “Thank you. Yes, I want to do it. Unless you’d rather, Jason.”

“No, that’s fine,” Dad mutters.

Hunter asks, “Is it really windy there or is that just a stupid nickname it never lost?”

From behind his wine glass, Dad exhales, “Yes, it’s windy and cold as shit in winter.”

I call out, “Language!” which loosens everyone’s lips into a smile. “Guys…I don’t want my last dinner with you to suck. How about we talk about something else? Like, Hunter, where do you spend your time these days?”

He grins, “Not telling.”

“Lexi, how’s Brad?”

Her green eyes sparkle. “Who?”

Samantha laughs, “Yeah, who?”

Max smiles to Mom, “Have you ever met this Brad-guy?”

“No,” she half-smiles. “I used to hear about him all the time. Now I’m beginning to think he’s Snuffleupagus to her Big Bird.”

We still know nothing about him, no matter how hard Max and I tried to get her to ‘fess up when she got out of jail. Lexi’s expression is hilarious, because she wants to defend the guy and yet has no intention of sharing any information about him. “I…I…Who’s Brad?!”

This cracks us all up, and lightens our mood for the rest of the meal. When we’re cleaning up, we even break out into a musical of sorts like we used to make fun of when we were kids—how people break out into song for no reason and everyone joins in as if that happens in real life. We’re fucking terrible, which is what makes it so fun. Lexi and Samantha are great dancers. Sam even went pro after Lexi dropped the hobby. Sam can’t sing for shit though. None of us can, except for dad a little bit.

We kids inherited Mom’s singing talent, meaning none. Doesn’t stop us from wailing at the top of our lungs like we should be on Broadway getting paid millions.

After the kitchen and dining room are spotless we gather around the fireplace in our living room that brings even more unavoidable memories.

Here nobody has the same chair except for the La-Z-Boy our father covets. Nobody gets to sit in Dad’s baby. So when he says to me, “Caden, why don’t you have my chair?” it's one of the most moving things.

“Thanks, Dad.” I collapse into the comfortable throne and motion to my older brother, albeit by only eleven months, “What are you waiting for, Max? Make me a fire and bring me some whiskey.”

He flips me off.

Lexi kneels before the grate. “I love making fires!”

Hunter snorts, “Duh.”

Everyone loses it laughing, and all I can think is how much I’m going to miss them all.

Dad gets serious first. “Okay, we can joke, but Lexi, you better have dumped that Brad guy.”

Without flinching she smiles at him, “Of course I did, Daddy.”

Oh boy.