ELIZABETH

A rare evening where I’m home at a reasonable hour, but can’t fall asleep. On the couch I rarely use, without the lights on, I’m hugging my knees to my chest under a throw blanket, hair in a messy bun, a dark phone gripped in my hand.

He ignored my text.

I expected a scathing response.

Silences are even worse.

It leaves me to fill in the blanks and my imagination is vast.

After he left, his friend Dev gave me his version of the evil eye—held glances of disappointment followed by hurrying in another direction. Janet heard about Caden and I saw her smile for the first time in months. Thankfully we were a distance away from each other when I witnessed it or I would have ripped her to shreds.

Not appropriate.

Especially because it was my fault she was chosen.

Hushed whispers flew through the hospital about all who were suddenly due to leave on transfers. But it was Caden Cocker they spoke about the most after gossip spread of his confronting Oberhan. Everyone knew that Chief nearly threw him out of all hospitals, at least that was the rumor. I asked Chief’s receptionist and found out the threat had been to send Caden to a small town where he’d have no challenges. To me that sounded worse.

I type out another text to him.

Hey, I’m sorry. Please talk to me.

Letter by letter, I delete it and collapse my head.

What am I supposed to do now?

It wasn’t the gossip or the guilt that hurt me today. Those stoked the flame of the real fire. It was walking around Atlanta Hope’s corridors knowing he would never be there again. We’d butted heads ever since he joined our training program, but I looked forward to that more than I realized. Can’t hide from it now. Even if I hadn’t taken this to another level by having sex, I would miss him.

Caden got my heart pumping.

He made me think.

Try harder.

Pushing him to be better, seeing if he could reach my high standards, made me raise them for myself, too. Healthy competition, they call it. And it was.

I was at the top of my game knowing he was watching and learning from me. None of the other interns inspired that desire. With training them, it’s a job. I get more out of my true purpose—healing people. But with Caden as my ambitious student, I strove for a lot more.

That’s why it’s so important who you spend time with.

He made life not only challenging and exciting, but fascinating.

His phone might be off. Maybe he’s asleep already.

Send one more text.

He might just need a little nudge.

Hi Cocker. I’d like to talk. Is your phone off?

Delete delete delete. Sigh.

Chicago is an hour behind in time.

If Gwen is on shift, I won’t wake David.

I need to take that chance.

Chewing a nail, I wait while it rings.

Her voice comes through, urgent and concerned. “Liz! I was just about to call you.”

I pull store-bought popcorn to me from the other cushion and open the crinkly package. “You heard.”

“That we have a sexy new doctor arriving tout suite? Yes, I heard. Such a bummer, because I was really hoping something would happen between you guys. Are you relieved?”

Chomping on loud kernels, my eyebrows arch. “Can I lie and tell you yes?”

She chuckles, “You could.” David says something in the background, and Gwen pauses to answer, “It’s Elizabeth Myers, honey. We’ve stolen one of her finest.”

“You’re killing me, you know that, right?” I shove a whole bunch of popcorn in, my mouth resembling a lucky squirrel in late November. “Why are you both up?”

“He keeps weird hours with me. Helps our marriage stay strong. Last time I saw you, you were trying very hard not to like this guy. Now suddenly he’s en route to us. Do I have it right in guessing that things went awry?”

“Yes, but not in the way you mean.”

Her voice changes to excited. “Have you fallen for him?”

My shoulders slump as I admit, “Tonight was the first time he wasn’t around the hospital when I knew he would never be coming back. It felt empty, Gwen. Really fucking empty.” Tears burn my eyes. Frustrated, I toss the bag onto my glass coffee table where it stops sliding at a decorative bowl my mother bought to make my condo more homey. “What am I going to do? I already miss him.”

“So you did—”

“—Yes, we did.”

“Did they find out about the affair?”

“Can you call it an affair if nobody’s married to anything but their careers?” I wipe my eyes with one hand. “Nobody knows about us. It started up right after you left. So ironic! I went for years avoiding this attraction I had, and then you come into town, and then you get to have him. I blame you for this.”

Gwen asks, “I don’t understand, why is he being transferred?”

“Budget cuts. See there’s the rub. If I’d have never crossed the line, he’d be gone and I wouldn’t feel this attached. Life would become normal again soon enough. Now I don’t know if it ever will be.”

“Oh wow. You’re in deep. Bright side?”

“There’s a bright side?”

“Absolutely. Think about it. Now it’ll be a lot easier to keep you guys secret with a long-distance thing. And when you’re ready, you’ll be able to tell people with no repercussions!”

Covering my face with my hand I sigh, “Yeah, that’s not going to happen.”

“Liz?”

“He’s furious at me. It’s sort of my fault that he’s leaving. Caden’s incredibly close to his family and…you should have seen his face.”

“Okay, tell me everything.” She calls to her husband, “David, I’m going into the office so I can have serious girl talk with my heartbroken friend. Don’t bother me!” I hear him laughing in the distance and the clicking of heels along her Mexican tile floor she had installed last year. I visited them shortly afterward. It’s gorgeous, just like their marriage. As much as she jokes, she and David have a great thing. They’re one of my inspirational couples—the ones who give me hope in love.

“Okay Liz, I’m alone now. Tell me everything.”

“Why are you wearing heels in your house at this hour.”

She pauses. “My husband and I were just going to role play.”

“Do you want me to let you go?!”

“No! He’s here every day. You need me. Plus, this keeps the anticipation going. When I say tell me everything, Liz, I mean everything!”