chapter ten
This must be what it was like to have Stockholm Syndrome.
Except he’s not your captor. You are choosing to be here. He is your prisoner. He just doesn’t know it yet.
This was so fucked. Ever since the epic orgasms, it was harder to look at him the same way. If she was honest with herself, it had been hard to look at him the same way since she’d seen him with his family.
Rafe killed her father. Her intel told her that was the truth. So how was he that man and this man.
And how are you this woman… the kind of woman who could be with the man who killed her father? She kept telling herself she was doing what had to be done. But she knew the truth.
There was a part of her that liked him. Liked being in his arms.
Yeah, the vagina part. Yeah, good plan. Keep sleeping with him. Get even more deeply involved with him. Make it worse.
But one thing he was good at was making her feel safe. She could almost pretend. Pretend that he wasn’t an assassin. Pretend that she was normal. She felt safe, protected, invincible, powerful. And she knew that was because of him. Because he was a really good liar.
What is he going to do when he realizes you’ve been lying to him?
Diana shoved aside the thought. She knew what would happen. She just had to get out of here before then. The real question was how much time did she have? She needed the truth. She had spent years of her life on this. She wasn’t walking away until she had it. Even if it put her life at risk.
He might be deadly, but so was she. She could pretend for just a little while longer. Pretend that she was just a girl and Rafe was just a guy. A guy that gave mind-blowing orgasms like it was his job. Right now she was going to stay put. Stay put and pretend.
“Earth to Diana.” Rafe squeezed her hand.
They had walked around the corner to a café to get pastries. A perfectly normal couple-thing to do. Except he was checking egress routes and keeping her protected from every angle. He was also a pro at keeping off the cameras.
Of course, he would know where they all were. Once an assassin, always an assassin.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking, you know. This whole thing is unexpected.”
He nodded before lifting their intertwined hands to kiss hers. “It’s no pressure, okay? Don’t worry about it. We’re just taking a Sunday stroll.”
Yep. And she was checking her exit routes too. Before she’d executed her plan, she’d hidden money and weapons all over this neighborhood in case things got sticky. Her nearest stash was underneath that mailbox on the corner. She was uncomfortable leaving guns around, so she’d hidden a Taser and about two grand.
“I know.” She forced herself to smile.
It was like the two of them were having a whole subtext conversation.
Rafe: I’m suspicious of you, but you’re sexy, so let’s bone.
Her: I don’t trust you and I want answers, but you’re really good at boning, so let’s bone until I get my answers, and then I’m taking you down.
Rafe: You’re welcome to try. And If I find out what you’re lying about, I’m going to kill you.
Her: Not if I see it coming. I’ll be in the wind.
Totally healthy relationship.
She changed the topic. “Tell me about where you grew up. Who you were.”
His hand stilled for a breath of a moment, but then he stroked her hand with his thumb. “It’s not that exciting.”
“Come on. I want to know. You’re so self-contained. I’d love a little glimpse into young Rafe.”
He silently brushed his thumb over her skin for a moment, but when he spoke, his voice was low. “Well, you already know about my parents. My life is divided into two sections—before and after.”
She understood that. “Okay. What were you like before?”
He shrugged. “I guess I was sort of invisible in a sea of other kids just like me. I was a good student, good athlete. My parents were pretty strict. Dad didn’t fuck around, ya know? And if I’m being honest, I didn’t want to disappoint them.” He was silent for a moment. “After, things were… different.”
“Did you change?”
“Had to. I had to become more responsible. I know Nonna was there, but I felt like I had to take care of Lucia. I needed to be there for her. I couldn’t be quite so selfish.”
“You were just a kid though.”
“I didn’t see it that way. She was younger. I’d had more time with Mom and Dad. I felt like I needed to give her some of what they’d given me growing up.”
“I guess that makes sense.”
“On the flip side, that neighborhood, it forced me to toughen up too. There was way more trouble than I’d ever been exposed to out in the burbs of Connecticut. In Brooklyn if I put a toe out of line, someone bigger and badder would beat my ass.”
“So you learned to be the biggest and baddest, I’m assuming?”
He squeezed her tight. “You better believe it. In that neighborhood, it was kind of prison rules. You had to establish that it might not be a good idea to mess with you. And you had to do it quick.”
She couldn’t even fathom growing up like that. “How long did it take you?”
He chuckled. “Two days. Some kid was giving Lucia shit. So I kicked his ass. In all fairness, I was fucked up over my parents’ deaths. I just didn’t know it at the time. I also didn’t know that the kid had an older brother. One who’d come looking for me.”
She lifted her head to meet his gaze. “What happened?”
“He wanted to even the score.” He shrugged nonchalantly. “I had a lot of pent-up anger.”
“You poor kid.”
“Nonna had already raised one hellion in my dad. She took me to martial arts class. It helped calm some of that anger. But I learned quickly that I couldn’t stand for what I saw as injustice. I also learned that the martial arts would come in handy for… other things.”
She could just see him righting wrongs. “What, you were the Equalizer?”
His lips tipped into a wry smirk. “I fashioned myself a superhero. In reality, I was just angry. I did some other stupid shit too. Too much stupid shit. I’m lucky I didn’t end up dead.”
“But you probably did some good.”
“I like to think so. Once I settled down and took a look at the direction of my life, things were easier. I could access part of who I used to be. I got interested in school and sports again. It was a rough two years. But no one messed with Lucia or me.”
“How did Nonna take that?”
He grinned. “She was a tough old lady even then. She knew what I was up to. As long as I didn’t bring cops to her door and she knew I was safe, she let me do as I wanted. Knew that I had a firm sense of right and wrong. Even though I rode that line a few times, occasionally tipping my ass over, I corrected it.” He played with a lock of her hair. “What about you? What was little Diana like?”
She sighed and tore her gaze from his, squeezing his hand. “I grew up in central Pennsylvania but we spent a lot of time in Austria where my Dad grew up. Two older brothers. Mom died when I was eight. That left me with the guys.”
He studied her intently. “You must have missed her a lot.”
She nodded even as she tried to blink back tears. “I did. Once she was gone, I was so lonely. My brothers basically ignored me. Which was fine, I guess. They had a cruel streak to them when they played, and I preferred my dolls not to be decapitated.”
“Did you have a lot of friends?”
“Not really. I kept to myself a lot. Even when I went to college. I didn’t relate well to kids my age. I think I was too serious for most of them. Too much in my own head. Aloof, maybe. Doesn’t help that I speak my mind.”
“You speak your mind? No way.” He grinned.
She turned and bit him gently. His sharp intake of breath was low, charged, and it made her insides warm. The look he gave her said he’d happily back her against one of these buildings and sink into her.
“Careful now, little Diana. You bite me, and I’ll bite you back.”
She giggled and nipped him again. “I dare you.”
“I see what you’re doing. Trying to tempt me so you don’t have to talk. I’ll give you what you’re asking for later, when we get back to the apartment, but we’ll talk first.”
She narrowed her gaze but kept walking. “So I don’t have many friends, I guess.”
“And boyfriends?” His question was quiet, but she heard the hint of ice and possessiveness in his words.
“Like I said, I have a hard time connecting. It’s like everyone spoke one language and I spoke another. I wasn’t too close to my father or brothers, so I had no real male role models. I practically begged for attention from them. I guess I carried those habits into my dating life and made some crap choices. It’s like I’ve been searching for something, you know? Although it’s not like I had a lot of boyfriends. One in college and one after.”
He ran his hands over her hair. “You don’t have to make those wrong choices anymore.” He paused and tugged her to the edge of the sidewalk, then kissed her deep, and Diana’s synapses fried.
His kisses dragged her into a lust-filled fog of denial and need. A place where she didn’t have to think about the girl she once was. A place where she wasn’t the lonely girl who just wanted someone to love.
The lonely girl whose father had been taken.
He cupped her cheek, gently stroking her skin as he kissed her. Diana knew she would never be the same after this. He was changing her. And she wasn’t sure if it was for the best.
Back in the apartment with their coffee and their pastries, Rafe tried to discern what she was thinking. Noah had to be right. She was evasive. Not exactly lying, but not eager to talk about her life. Maybe she was scared.
She needed to trust him. Had to know he’d help her with anything. He set the coffees down and tugged her close. “Listen, I know you’re gun-shy. But no matter what, I won’t let anything happen to you.” He slowly slid his arms around her waist and pulled her into his body.
She nodded. “Y-yes. I know you wouldn’t.”
“Good.” With a groan, he took her mouth under his, teasing with his tongue. And she opened for him on a sigh. She tasted like coffee and spice, and he never wanted to stop. He was spinning out. He needed her. Even as his brain told him to be careful, to go slow, his body and his heart dived in headfirst. She was his. He always protected what was his. He just had to convince her that she wanted to stay.
Rafe angled his head and deepened the kiss, dipping his tongue into her mouth, drawing hers out playfully. As he teased her, she looped her arms around his neck and brought her body into close contact with his, rubbing her nipples against his chest.
He snuck his hand under her T-shirt, and she rocked her hips against him. With his thumb, he teased a circular pattern around her belly button.
She was so soft everywhere, with skin like satin. He could spend hours touching her, savoring every inch of her skin, but her breathy moans urged him on. Sliding his hands up her torso, he let his thumbs graze the underside of her breasts, and the rest of the blood in his brain migrated south. His cock throbbed painfully against his thigh, and he bit back a curse.
He traced his thumbs over the lace of her bra to the taut nipples beneath. With a frustrated snarl, he picked her up and settled her on the counter. She started to quiver when he stroked his thumbs over her nipples. When he closed his palm over her full breast, Diana slid her hands into his hair and tugged. Her nails scoring over his scalp sent a shiver through him.
Diana rocked her body against his, and the thick, pulsing lust coursing in his veins made it impossible to think. He craved more. Needed more. His hips jerked—he was so desperate to get closer, to be inside her and possess her.
“Wrap your legs around me, Diana,” he muttered before sucking on her bottom lip. When she didn’t, he teased her lip with his teeth. “Did you hear me, sweetheart?”
“Yeah, I just can’t seem to move.”
With a chuckle, he helped her into position, then moved them over to the couch. He levered over her, then slowly eased his weight down on top of her, his throbbing dick directly against her core.
Rafe lifted the hem of her shirt. Her smooth skin beckoned. Trailing kisses down her neck, he sought out one of her nipples. Through the lace fabric of her bra, he suckled and drew her in deep with his tongue and lips, then with the barest hint of teeth, he grazed the peak. Diana bucked beneath him, and his cock begged for relief.
He teased first one nipple, licking it, suckling it, while his fingers played with the tip of the other. Every tug sent a stab of lust through his body.
But he couldn’t get enough of her. Finally he pulled her into a semiseated position and tugged her shirt over her head. The bra followed in short order, and Rafe forgot to breathe. Her breasts, full and heavy with dusky rose tips, beckoned to him. He laid her back gently and settled himself directly between her thighs again.
Diana raised her hips, rubbing against him like a cat. Each time her heated center came in contact with the rigid length of him, he struggled for control, but he didn’t know how much longer he could hold on.
Ragged breaths tore from his chest. “Diana, please stop moving. I really want to be inside you when I come.”
Beneath him, she whimpered. “So close though.”
He bit back a groan as she wiggled again. “You don’t listen too well.” Rafe dipped his head, breathing over the perfect peak of her breast. With every movement over her nipple with the stubble of his chin, her hips lifted and she reached for him. She gasped when he secured one nipple and sucked her deep into his mouth.
Diana threw her head back and moaned his name when he suckled harder. Desire thickened his blood as she held him to her. He ached with the need to be inside her.
His hand at her hip, he traced the line of her thong under the cotton of her leggings. He tugged gently, and as fabric gave way to silky skin, he kissed the path of sinful heaven exposed to him. First her hip, then the divot where her leg met joint. Then her belly button.
Diana lifted her hips to aid him as he removed her leggings. He discarded them somewhere over his head and then swiftly yanked his shirt off. With trembling fingers, she reached up and traced the pads of her fingertips over his abdomen.
“You realize you look airbrushed, right?”
Rafe choked out a strangled laugh as he nuzzled her belly button again. “What?”
She nodded. “Someone overdid it with the photoshopping of your muscles.”
“I promise you, they’re all real.” He kissed his way back up her body. When he reached her lips, he took his time savoring her. Everything about her taste careened him toward orgasm. The way her tongue met his, even as he dipped and retreated into her mouth, simulating how else he wanted to join their bodies, how he wanted to stroke into her with his cock.
His fingers stole under the fabric of her panties, and excitement ripped at him. He knew what came next. Her dewy slickness. Her sex tugging at him while he explored.
As he slid a finger inside her heat, they both gasped, and the base of his spine tingled. Shit. He wasn’t even inside her, and he was so ready to blow.
He wanted to tease an orgasm out of her, and he wanted to take his time doing it. But it seemed like Diana had other plans. Working her hand between them, she pulled on his belt. Once she yanked it through the loops and tossed it away, she unbuttoned his jeans. Rafe watched intently as her graceful hand slowly tugged his zipper down.
When Diana slid her hand into his jeans, he stopped breathing. Oh hell. Delicate fingers wound around his erection, and all higher functioning stopped. All his focus went to where her sweet core milked his finger and her fingers milked him.
She stroked him again, and his brain shut down. All he registered was the warm silk of her palm caressing the straining head of his dick. She lingered over the head, using her thumb to spread the moisture gathered there and teasing the hypersensitive ridge.
Rafe squeezed his eyes shut. The urge to come was a strong, beating pulse in his malfunctioning brain. Come. She wants you to come. You know you want to. Each beat of his heart sent thick, lust-laced blood through his veins straight to his dick.
She watched his response from under a hooded gaze. When she licked her lips, he gave serious thought to begging her to wrap her lips around him so he could get some relief. But he was torn. He also wanted to prolong the feeling, prolong that sex-crazed current running through his body and making him hum.
The firm pressure she applied on each downstroke of his length sent fiery tingles down his spine, and he stilled her hand.
He dropped his forehead to hers. “Jesus, I want to come so bad.”
She slowed her pace but didn’t stop. Leaning in, she whispered, ““Isn’t that the point?”
She was going to kill him. “Diana… inside you… fuck.” Ragged breaths tore from his chest. “This way—” No matter how many ways he tried to rev the engine, his brain refused to come online. “I… I…” But then her inner walls clamped tight around his fingers and there was a slight quiver. It reminded him that he wanted to see her come more than he wanted to come himself.
Snapping his free hand around her wrist, Rafe shook his head. “Oh, no you don’t. Ladies first. Always. You keep touching me or, God help me, make that face like you’re wondering how I taste, and I’ll forget that.”
“You’re the only one who gets to explore?” She pouted.
He stroked a thumb over her clit, and Diana threw her head back. “Oh, you’ll get your turn, I promise.”
“Rafe…” Her voice was thready.
God, she was so sexy. “Open your legs wider.”
Diana complied without question and dug her nails into the flesh on his shoulders. “Rafe, please…”
With another flutter of his thumb, she broke apart, her mouth open on a silent scream. He watched her in awe, a smug grin spreading over his face. That was what he’d been waiting for.
He kissed her again, licking into her mouth, and he stoked the flame in her body to full roar. He slid his tongue over and against hers, tasted every corner of her, and coaxed her tongue into a game of chase.
He slid his hands down over her backside and picked her up. Walking them down the hall to his bedroom and over to the bed, he didn’t break the kiss. With every adjustment of positioning, he angled his head and delved back in for another kiss, desperate to devour her.
He bent over, and when her back hit the mattress and he lowered some of his weight onto her, it brought his now-throbbing cock directly into contact with the part of her that ached for him. Diana groaned.
As they kissed, he ran his hands over her face and dug them into her thick hair, occasionally tugging a little, letting her know he wasn’t always under control.
He reached over to the nightstand, unwilling to break the kiss. When he found a condom, he impatiently tore it open. On a muttered curse, he tore his lips away from hers so he could kick off his jeans properly and sheathe himself. But his lips were back on hers in seconds.
As he kissed her, he rocked his body into hers, the bite of electricity slamming into him as he sank into her. She lifted her hips to meet his and Rafe was lost. Instinct took over as he made love to her. In his head a distant voice reminded him of what he’d known all along. Mine.
When he felt the telltale flutter and quiver over his cock, he drew back so he could watch her face. Her gaze met his as the orgasm rolled into her, and in that one look, Rafe knew he wasn’t going to be able to say goodbye.
All he could do was hold on twice as hard as he finally let go and his release rocketed him into oblivion.